Well that's Maddeningly Unhelpful

I roll up the letter and place it in a mailing tube, then take a deep breath and shove the tube into my mouth, READY, AIM, FIRE!!! I spit the tube at high velocity and 'hopefully' make it smash through the castle window.

At the Castle

"GAH!!!" Princess Luna falls out of her seat in surprise as the mail tube smashes through the window and splashes into the tea, "Oh right into our tea!"

"Another letter Luna?" Celestia walked into the room.

"Yes," picking it up using magic she finds that, "strangely enough, it's covered in saliva."

"Unorthodox as it is, let's read it." Both sit down on the couch, newly imported from Manehattan.

Dear Princess Luna,

Try walking and writing at the same time, betcha you can't do it without bumping into anyone at Canterlot Station. Oh, and tell Princess Celestia not to mention about me to Rarity, AJ, RD and Pinkie, okay. I want to make this a surprise.

Best Pea Shooter in Equestria,

Aoi

P.S.: Beware, I HAVE WAFFLES!

As soon as they read Peashooter, Luna dropped the letter, "AAAHH!" She zoomed behind the couch.

"What's wrong Luna?" Celestia asked.

"He SPIT that letter from the train station!" Celestia impressed with the feat decided to read the rest of the letter.

"OOH! Waffles," Celestia licked her lips intently. Then shook her head to focus on the main portion of the letter. she chuckled softly, "My lips are sealed."

Canterlot train station

"WHAT WAS THAT!?" Rainbow Dash was amazed my how far I could spit something.

"You, my gal, are looking at the World's Farthest spitter, care to take the challenge?" I knew she couldn't resist. We held the spitting contest right there in the station, Pinkie was the Judge. We moistened are lips and prepared our best and wettest loogies, Applejack took part as well, claiming her family held the official record for 4 generations. The crowd tensed up as we stood, slightly crouched. One moment in time, one spit, winner takes the record, no regrets. Pinkie stands with the partycannon as the cue, with a Western bit played by the band behind us. The clock struck noon, Pinkie shot the cannon, and the loogies flew. RD's actually accomplished a sonic rainboom, while AJ's ricochetted off of signs and buildings, bouncing around Canterlot, and mine tore through windows and tree leaves. When the last droplet landed, the official distances were taken:

Rainbow Dash: 243 meters

Applejack: 312 meters

Me: 441 meters

"One does not simply compete in a spitting contest, one must dominate it." I say to both RD and AJ, "Now where were we, Oh yes. ONTO THE BALL!" They cheered as I snuck away from the 4 of them. Now for some personal business to attend to. I stopped by RoamDepot and got some supplies, a XXXXL Balloon, Plastic Thread, and an Industrial Grade needle. Then I tried to find a tavern, I was getting kinda thirsty... Hmm, the 'Bannered Mare' seems like a good pub to go to. I walk in and get mixed reactions from the crowd, some remembering who I am and whisper of apporval for my new outfit but others seem suspicious of my appearance, the pub was acually quite nice, good bright ambient lighting, polished hardwood floors and Mahogany tables... I inhale deeply, love that mahogany smell. I sit down at a table and take my order.

"Gallon of milk please."

"Right away sir," The bartender snickers at my choice of drink. Oh 'tis so wrong to have loved milk at all? It came in a pitcher, downed in less than 10 seconds. I pay my bits and before I leave i smile to the crowd saying,

"Tell your friends that the dragon slayer drank at the Bannered mare." and leave without another word. I hear clamor of excitement 3 seconds after I exit the bar. That'll never get old. I look up to find Rainbow Dash, somewhat interested,

"You may be able to beat me in a spitting competition, but what about speed." She wants a rematch, if I have her personality down, it's that she hates losing. Can't blame her, I do love a good contest.

"Alright let's do it, and let's be fair, we can race however we want, No regrets, no holds barred, no interference, no hard feelings, deal?" I spit in my paw and hold it out as a hand shake.

"I'll leave you in the dust in 2 seconds." She liked the notion of a land to air race. Both in our element, both at our best, I liked it. I pull out an ApplePod player and scroll down to something I think both of us would enjoy.

"We go as soon as the music picks up, the first one to shake princess luna's hoof wins." Rainbow dash twinged a little at the win conditions, but agreed nonetheless. we tensed up as we took our stances, i took a deep breath, as soon as the first wub played RD took off as I shouted,

"Jikkou (Run)." The race began. RD zoomed pass the high buildings and trees while I sprinted across the pavement, I jumped and flew onto a roof, jumping from roof to roof and keeping a rapid pace. This feeling was amazing, I never ran like this in my life, I don't know whether it was my wolf body or what, but running felt right, and I was doing it against one of the fastest fliers of equestria. The footsteps became rapid strides, my heart barely elevating, I created turbulence that warped the view around me, but I was staring straight ahead, keeping an eye on RD, both head to head. Time to see if I could fly. the next roof I jumped on, I crouched into spring position, and pushed off the roof, soaring into the sky, RD shocked to see me right next to her, I straightened my body into a rising bullet, I thought to myself 'Furai (Fly)' and sped right past her. She smiled and looked straight forward, probably feeling the same thing I was, and both of us. I heard an explosion right behind me, she executed the sonic rainboom, catching up to me quickly. It felt good to run, but even better to fly, riding the winds and turbulence like surfing: twisting to merge with the flow of the air. We were almost at the castle, neck and neck, I signaled to her to look upwards, she saw it and we impacted into the side of the castle, I switched back to running, using a light foot to barely touch the wall and run upwards. Which had a completely different effect, one I would Describe as,

"GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORCE IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!"

We were almost at Luna's window, We were close, I grabbed the ledge and swung into the window, Shocking Luna and grabbing her hoof, we summersaulted into the backwall with RD grabbing it just before the summersault. We both shook Luna's hooves at the same time. The race was over. I was out of breath, Luna's eyes were wide wondering what two people were doing with her hooves. We paused for a bit...

"WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING!!!" Luna was the first to speak up, then Celestia came in with the guards and saw a surprised Luna, RD, me, and a broken window. I was the second to speak.

"I WIN!"

"DID NOT!" RD Objected on the spot.

"THEN YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE, Princess Luna, who won?"

"Won WHAT?!" She was still surprised. I inhaled before explaining the story.

"SOMEANDDASHDECIDEDTOHAVEARACETOSEEWHOWASFASTERNOHOLDSBARREDNOREGRETSANDTHEWINCONDITIONSWEREWHOEVERSHOOKYOURHANDFIRSTSOWESMASHEDTHROUGHYOURWINDOWANDIGRABBEDYOURHANDFIRSTTHENRDTHENWESUMMERSAULTEDINTOTHEBACKWALLANDSHOOKYOURHAND!" Big inhale, "So who won?" Luna had to think on that one...

"I...uh...ooh...its...oh...well...hmm..." She let go, stood up, and brushed herself off, "I, Princess Luna,"

"Yes...?" RD and I begged her to continue.

"...declare that this race... was a tie." We all slumped on the wall and facepawed/hoofed.

"Son of a Bitch,"

"Aw man!" We were definitely unsatisfied. The Luna tried to cheer us up,

"Well at least you know both of you are as fast as each other, just the next time you race, don't use me OR my sister as the finish line." She smiled and started to walk away, then said, "Aoi, I got your letters, don't worry, our lips are sealed." RD's ear's perked up, then Luna left.

As soon as we left the castle RD Bombarded me with questions, Many of which I ignored or answered vaguely with a shrug or a 'Meh'. We finally got to Pinkie Pie and the rest, Rarity with a list of the stallions who could have been the one who slayed the dragon. I swear a new celebrity pops up and she melts over him before she even knows his face.

At the ball, I slipped away from the mane 4 using the trademark excuse,

"Hey I'm going to go to the little pups room, be right back!" and got 'everything' ready, combed fur, dazzling canines, and the swag to match. 'Hey there sexy'. All I had to do now was walk up on my cue. Celestia began the introduction.

"Welcome everyone to the Annual Canterlot Ball, tonight's guest of honor is a very special guest, who save Canterlot when a dragon threated the peace of our city, please give a round of applause to our always welcome guest," I walked on the stage and happened to spot the mane 4 spray out their punch from dumfounded surprise, except for Rarity who swallowed in a large gulp instead, "Aoi Myoujin, resident wolf of Ponyville and Dragon Slayer of Canterlot!" applause went across the room. RD, Rarity, and AJ's jaws dropped to the floor as Pinkie went around throwing confetti everywhere.

"I'd like to say a few words, if you don't mind," the room went quiet,"when I entered Equestria, I never expected to be chased by a dragon, shot out of a cannon, smashed through a window, or woken up by somepony playing dubstep at 8:00 in the morning." Vinyl Blushed, "Or everything else that's happened to me, I also never expected to do this!" I pulled a rope right next to me that dropped 'THE WATER NUKE' and flooded the entire wing of the castle, causing about 400 something outfits to be ruined, "I also never expected to meet and unexpected friend... " I glanced at the balcony to see Discord winked, "so I can kind of say, Equestria's kind of the only place where I didn't expect the unexpected, and you know what? i could care less." I say this while soaking wet with about 200 angry ponies looking at me with their expressions slowly turning to laughter, "But enough about that, Hit it Pon-3!" I signal Vinyl to pay the track. I jump down from the podium. By this point I lost my hat...

"LEEEEET'S GET IT STARTED, IN HEEEEEERE!"

During the following rave, the mane 4 run towards me, well Rarity fainted after I set them up the bomb.

"So did I surprise you?" The 3 simply nodded speechless. RD was the first to speak.

"Why di- I mean- Wow- How did- So we- *SQUEEEEE*- I mean this is- This is- So all this time... I KNEW IT!" Right, and I'm a tiger. Well, I decided to fess up

"Yup, been stringing you along for the whole ride, strangely enough the pony I most though would find me out was Pinkie. Which reminds me about that Pinkie Promise." I winked at her, we brought out our party cannons and fired them Napoleon style.

The rest of the night we spent partying, eating the food, getting plastered, courtesy of AJ bring nothing less than AppleJack Dagnals, blowing the roof off the castle, and doing loads of stuff I'd forget about in the morning, with DJ Pon-3 and Octavia blasting the music to 11 and bringing out the bass cannon, GAWD I love that pony. Life was good, I was drunk off my ass, RD Smashing into stuff drunk flying, then it came time to actually have the final dance, 'SANAVABEYETCH'! Then I remembered an age old short term remedy for being drunk.

"Pinkie don't ask Quick slap me in the face!"

"Okay!" Thank GAWD she doesn't ask too many questions.

"Now for the final dance for tonight. Featuring our guest of Honor" Celestia announced over the loudspeaker, her mane was poofy from being air dried, AFROs MUTHAFAKAH!!! I walked up to Rarity who was having a pretty sour night due to her dress being ruined. She was confused, but I still had the last bit of cognitive sense to walk straight. I reached out my paw.

"I may not be handsome, mainly because I'm still wet and smell funny because of it, but I feel pretty damn sexy right now, so... Rarity, may I have this dance?" Her mascara made her look sad, but she smiled and decided to finally have some fun. I signaled to Vinyl and Octavia to Chage the mood. They started playing one of my dance tracks, Neon Lights and the CMC's on Vocals (how they got there I'll never know), Vinyl on Drums, Frederic on Piano, and Harpo on Electric Guitar (Surprisingly good at it too).

Rarity actually seemed to enjoy the dance: a rapid fast paced rumba with a twist of tango during the electrics, then changing to slow dance as the song slows down. Rarity became exhausted and leaned into me during the slowdance. Afterwards I carried Rarity as Pinkie and AJ carried RD to the trainstation back to Ponyville. I told them not to wait for me as I stayed behind. I picked a spot on top of Canterlot Cliffs to sit and get a good view of the full moon,

...just like old times...

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Dear Princess Luna,

Thanks for the Full Moon last night, I enjoyed it. What was it like to live on the Moon, if you don't mind me asking? For a thousand years, I'd think it would get lonely, looking back to Equestria. At least now, you're home to your friends and family.

From one who gazes at the moon and stars

Aoi

PS: Do you like bananas?

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