I Have No Idea How to Use this Thing...

Day 10, Ponyville

Wake Up, morning routine,

"Fuck it, I'M HIGH! Let's make cupcakes!"

Day 10, 2 minutes later, Ponyville

"WHOA! CUPCAKES EVERYWHERE!" Pinkie Pie notices the disturbance that the entirety of Ponyville is covered in cupcakes, and starts 'resolving' the problem by eating them.

"But where did these cupcakes all come from?" Twilight wondered who would have the time and capacity to cover the entire city in cupcakes.

Meanwhile, in my house:

"MAKIN CUPCAKES MUTHAFAKAHS!" Discord faceclaws.

"Why are you making cupcakes exactly? Why not pie?"

"What are you talking about Discord, I baked you a pie," I pointed at a pie on the counter as I was waiting for my egg timer to ring.

"Ooh! what flavor is it, key-lime, cherry, chocolate mousse?" He wondered what was covered by the perfectly golden brown pie crust. I put on my sunglasses and answered to his dismay.

"PIE FLAVOR!" a smaller pie jumped out of the original pie and landed on the counter, Discord looked at me with saddened eyes.

"Don't worry, it only does that 5 more times, remember the Matryoshka Limit?"

Matryoshka limit: You can't nest more than 6 H0 models.

"Nevermind the Pie, so your big plan for today is to cover Ponyville in Cupcakes?" I nod as I throw out another batch of chocolate creme filled cupcakes onto the street.

"What's your big plan afterwards?"

"What plan? I'm just making cupcakes." Need I a reason to make cupcakes? Maybe...

Back outside:

"We have to do something about all these cupcakes! There all over the place!" Pinkie Pie objects.

"Says you, I like cupcakes."

Back inside my house:

"Alright that shoud be enough cupcakes..." I wipe my brow of sweat. Then pull out a wand with a fourfaced cue on the end.

"Go my child!" I wave the wand and turn everylast cupcake I made into snow, I was hoping for bunnies...

Back outside:

"WHAT THE... What happened to all the CUPCAKES!" Pinkie pulls a sadface.

Back Inside:

I pull out a flamethrower to thaw out the Ice.

"Since when did you get a flamethrower?"

"Honestly, I have no idea, but by God in heaven I'm going to use it at least once without getting into trouble."

"Well, have fun with it, just don't slip on the ice." Discord clicks his tongue, slips on his shades, and heads out the door.

"I won't..."

Back outside:

"By the way, where's Rarity?"

"Oh will you just LOOk at this," Rarity climbs out of the snow, "My Entire outfit is ruined!" AppleJack tries to reason with her.

"Rarity, it's a parka, it's suppose to be covered in snow."

"I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO USE THIS THING!!!!" I Yell as I burst out my front door on a snowboard, I lose my balance and faceplant in the snow, hurts a lot less...

"I've seen a lot of things from Pinkie Pie, but this pretty much ties you with her on Randomness," Rainbow Dash points out. I pull my face out of the snow,

"Sup, Bro?"

"Where'd all this snow come from?" Twilight wondered, by now Ponyville was kneedeep in snow.

"I maaaaaay have caused a whole bunch of cupcakes to be transmorgified into snow... on accident," I spotted Pinkie wimpering in the corner.

"Oh lighten up Cheese plot, I've got plans for all this snow," that I just thought up this very second, I honestly have no idea where I'm going with this. 'Flamethrower Activate, Boop!' In about ten minutes I've managed to make the entirity of Ponyville into a skate rink, even the roofs.

"GREEEEAAAT, Now what... you turned Ponyville into Equestria's largest Ice Sculpture, that's your big finish?" Didn't know twilight had sarcasm in her.

"Silly filly," pull an awesomeface, "It's not JUST and Ice Sculpture, it's also Equestria's largest Ice rink!" I fish out a pair of Ice skates from my dobuku. Pinkie Pie seemed overjoyed now. Twilight, not so much. *Sigh*... fucking beautiful...

"STOP RIGHT THERE!" Oro? It was the mayor, WHERE THE HELL WAS SHE THE WHOLE TIME, "You can't Just Ice all of Ponyville?! What about the ponies that can't Ice Skate... (like me)"

"Technically I can," I pull out a copy of Equestrian Law, "Chapter 102, Article 5 Subsection D-7: 'In the event of a weather related incident, all means necessary can be applied by an Individual to resolve said incident.' I use a flamethrower to get rid of the Snow, it turns to Ice, no longer my problem since I removed the snow, just inadvertedly replaced it with sheets of Ice, relax, have fun, use a snowboard," I toss her one of mine. She guess since it was in legal bounds it was okay... I love you strangely worded legalities of Equestria.

Spike and the mane 5, Fluttershy absent, confronted me as I was about to put on my Ice skates,

"I know it's winter and all, but why did you make a whole bunch of cucakes turn into snow anyway?" Pinkie seemed quite upset still.

"I was hoping for bunnies..." an overshadow appeare over the group as the mood turned dull I pulled out the Wabbajack and explained, "This, my good mares, is a Wabbajack, an artifact that made it here along with me from Skyrim. It was a gift from someone for helping a dead guy get trhrough his psycological episode," they decided not to ask any questions, "Basically, Its sole purpose is to defy the laws of all common sense and reality and cast magic having an absolutely random effect, in all sense or lack thereof, Russian Roulette with magic." I waved it and cast it at Pinkie, turning her into a bunny, SONOVABITCH! 10 seconds later she turns back to normal.

"So let me get this straight, you were making cupcakes so you could turn them into bunnies?" Bingo.

"Essentially yes, instead I got snow... fancy that... now we've got Equestria's largest Ice statue/rink/whateverthehellstillinvolvesice, *biginhale* and I have no idea what now," Man this days been full of unpredictable things.

"Oh well, guess everyone's got the day off until the Ice thaws, NO SCHOOL! Oh wait, I don't go to school anymore," I pause to watch Derpy slide past me carrying mail.

"Letter for Rainbow Dash!"

"Ahem, the letter says it's for Rarity..."

"Oops... my bad..." She lays on her back and scoots away on the ice. Rarity grabs the letter and opens it.

"*SUPER UBER LONG DRAMATIC GASP* Ponyville is going to be featured in a Photoshoot by Photo Finish," I turned towards a nearby snowbank, knelt, and facesnowed.

General Rule of the Cartoon Universe: After a while, you stop believing in coincidences.

"She heard the news in Canterlot of how Ponyville turned to Ice and she's going to be coming HERE to do a Photoshoot for the Winter Edition of Pony Vogue, and wants ME to design the clothing line,"  you've gotta be shittin me...

*Aoi processing mode*

"Okay, If you don't mind, I'm going to barricade myself in my hose for the week before the paparazzi get-" I hear a flurry of shutterclicks, "SON OF A BEYETCH!" a reporter rights down what I just said,

"...son of aaaaaaaaa beyetch... got it." I doublefacepaw. Before I'm overrrun with questions I head inside and lock the door. Just then i hear a French-German heavily accented voice.

"Yes.. YES... ZAT is the look I VANT!" a FLASH fills the entire house. 'I'M BLIND!!!' I try to recover my sense of vision, flailing around like a bloomin idiot, I trip on my own paws and fall.

"Just who the fuck are you?" I ask not daring look up a second time.

"I am ART, I am FASION, I am PHOTO FINISH!"

"How'd you get in here again?" I get up to brush myself off to be blinded again by the Flash, "DAMMIT!" I careen into the back wall.

"My art TRANSCENDS BARRIERS!" she broke in, in other words, "Plus the door was open." 'SHIT!'

"Sorry, I'm not doing photos, I'm not a model, have fun, see you later, shouldn't you be running for your life, I mean you are face to face with a wolf, *big Inhale* BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" Like it? I love shoopin da whoop. The lazer sent Photo Finish screaming out the door, and also burned a hole in my wall.

"If you want to do a photoshoot, see Rarity." Now I need to fix the whole in my wall.

Lunch Time, Ponyville

"Sun's still not showing through the clouds, Ponyville's still covered in Ice, and my wall's fixed." I dust off my hands as I walk out the front door. Paparazzi's gone... so's that shutterbug Photo Finish. Guess they must have finishe OH GAWD!

*OBAMA TERIYAKI GLOMP*

"Dammit!" I thought about this before and I decided a reasonable course of action.

Sugar Cube Corner

"PPFFFFFFFFFFFFFAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHH! You, carrying Fluttershy on your back?" Way to rub salt on the wound, Rainbow Dash. I glared at RD while ordering some Sea Bass Sashimi. The way I figured is this, Fluttershy is actually pretty light, latches on like a mofo, and is actually pretty soft when she's not trying to kill me with love an affection.

"At least She's no longer a cute seeking missile anymore," Fluttershy falls asleep on my back... still keeping a vice grip on my shoulders though. I'm not sure this is a good idea though, she does have to take care of the woodland creatures. The bell rings as Rarity comes in with the WIDEST ASS GRIN ever to look sewed onto anyone's face.

"I take it the Photoshoot went well." I'm answered by a frantic barrage of squeaks, squeals, and flailing arms, she grabbed me by the paws and started dancing around the room.

"Photo Finish want to feature the Blue Lagoon as a Hot Topic in the next issue of Pony Vogue!" The Blue Lagoon was an outfit I'd asked for made out of wool and cotton, a blue dofuku with a cerulean hakama. Rarity apparently kept the design and made another set out of silk for the dofuku. Wait that means...

"Oh THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!" DAMMIT ALL! I thought I was done with spine breaking hugs for the day.

"A ROUND OF ICECREAM CAKE FOR ALL!" THE CAKE IS A LIE! mainly because I can't eat chocolate with my current anatomy, not sure what happens when I do, but don't want to find out, "Vanilla flavour for Aoi of course," THANK YOUUUUUU, RARITY!

Ice cream cake... a marriage of a heary fluffy exterior, soft, spongy, yet with a delicate structure along with the cold, melting taste of a creamy base yet full flavored body. Whoever thought of this wonderful culinary creation deserves my utmost respe-

*BOOM*

'Fluttershy Goat faint activate boop!'

"OH WHAT THE FUCK?!" I glance at my Icecream cake on the floor horribly ruined by the explosion, "NO! SPEEAK TO MEEEEEE!" What, can't I have ONE melodramatic moment? Moreover, what the hell was that explosion?