Of Wolves and Ponies

Canterlot Sculpture Garden

"I don't know Luna..." Celestia tilted her head sideways, "The statue looks fine, What did you say was wrong with it?" Luna stared at her sister and Facehoofed.

"Sister, I do believe you may have forgotten, but the statue of Discord NEVER had sunglasses on it..."

"*Gasp* your right! They do look good on him though, but how did they get there?"

"That's what I've been trying to SAY! I walked into the Sculpture garden, saw Aoi vomit into the Trashcan next to the statue, and... well... you know..."

"Hmm, then there's only one Logical explaination... Aoi Doesn't Like Sunglasses on statues." Double facehoof.

"No, Sister, it means that Aoi must have changed the statue of Discord after the party! Most likely because he was drunk... We mustn't let this happen to the other statues!"

"Your right, Guards, next time Aoi comes to Canterlot, lock the Royal Cellar." Luna gave up at this point and fell down in submission.

"Luna, What's the matter?"

Day 7, Ponyville

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Dear Princess Luna,

Do you play videogames?

Fellow Gamer

Aoi

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"Oh it's a BEAUTIFUL Morn- aaaan!" I stepped outside my door singing a small bit. I had a handful of Letters I had to deliver... TO THE LIBRARY!!! I knocked on the door and was greeted by Spike, twilight's pet dragon. He eyes me with a bit of uneasiness.

"Oh hi Spike, could you do me a favor?"

"What is it?" He gave me the stink eye...

"Well... I was hoping you could deliver some letters for me to Princess Celestia... they're kind of important, and confidential." I looked away rubbing the back of my head, "Do you mind if I come inside?" He opened the door wider.

"Thanks, I hope I'm not interupting anything," I saw Twilight reorganizing the shelves of the Library, my guess... Rainbow Dash flew in through the window and into the shelves. Shelves had imprints of Impact.

"No Not at all," she seemed rather glad to see me. She came up to me wide eyed, grabbed my arm and led me to a table in the middle of the room, "So what can I do for you?"

"The way I hear it, you send letters to Princess Celestia, is that right?" I pulled out my letters again and laid them On the table.

"You send letters to Princess Celestia too?" She seemed to wonder.

"Yeah... I've been sending them ever since I got here... tell you what, for every letter of mine you send, I answer one question you may have, after all, a guy like me shows up to Ponyville, no alibi, no background checks. I'd be happy to ablige." I smiled batting my eyelashes.

"GREAT!" Yup, that hit the ticket.

"Wait a minute, I didn't agree to this... unless I get to ask some questions too." Spike glared at me.

"Sure... It's not like I've got anything better to do..."

"YAY! OHMYGOODNESS I MEAN..."

"Slow down there sugar cube, you've got plenty of time..." Hyper pony equals scared wolf.

"Oh.. okay. *clears throat*. First off, How DID you end up in Equestria in the first place?" Everyone asks me this...

"So I was minding my business in Skyrim, and suddenly I get magicked up in the middle of the Woods outside Canterlot,  was all like 'Meh, That happened.' Never took the time find out the logistics of long ranged teleportation, I'm just here. I mean SURE I freaked out a bit, but wouldn't you if you somehow ended up in somewhere like Apploosa with no regognition of how you even got there in the first place." Dullest Explaination EVA!!!

"Hmm... fair enough." She asked spike to send the letter. Spike refuses until he asks his question.

"WHAT'S Going on between you and RARITY." DING DONG DING DONG... Are you fahkin kidding me, de wee li'l dragon has the hoochies for Rariteh? Why did I just start thinking in a Scottish accent? I DON'T CAAAAARE!

"N-N-Nothing! Why do you ask?" 'MENSCH, DER BULLEN KOMMEN!'

"I heard YOOOOOOOU danced with her... WHY?!" Jealous much? I answered it in after a big inhale.

"Rainbow Dash was passed out, Pinkie was scarfing down the sweet, AJ was Drunk pretending she was at the rodeo, *slowing down* then I looked at Rarity, looking like she had a bad night... she seemed to enjoy the dance." Spike grabbed the letters with a sad look on his face and sent them on their merry way.

"Cheer up bucco, you'll get your chance..."

"What who me? No it's not like I... uhm... *sigh* you got me... just don't tell anyone..."

"Cross My heart and Hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!" I actually do a very good job at keeping secrets... just not my own...

"Well *stands up* Arrivaderci, I'll see you around... maybe..." I closed the door behind me. For I guy with nothing else to do, I sure do leave in a hurry... 'My Aoi sense is TINGLING'!

*TACKLE*

'DAMMIT ALL!'

"PLEASE OH PLEASE AOI YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME!!!" I'm pinned to the wall By the Queen of Glomp, Pinkie! Wait, if Pinkie's the One Asking for Help then... 'SHIT! I GOTTA GET OUT OF DODGE!' Then she pulls the anime EYES!

'NOOO MY ONLY WEAKNESS! ADORABLENESS!'

"Suuuuuure....." I pull a nervous smile.

"OH THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU!" She rushes me to Sugar Cube Corner.

"What's the emergency?" I was 'fraid to ask.

"I HAVE TO CATER FOR THE PRINCESS!!!" steady now....

"Why's that such a problem," WRONG!

"I have to bake a THOUSAND CUPCAKES FOR THE PRINCESS'S PARTY."

"No Problem, after all I am..." puts on sunglasses, "... Master Chef!" half expected the Halo theme...

"YAY! Do you know how to make cupcakes, well do ya, do ya, do ya?" She looked at me with hyper uncertainty.

"Of course," I knew this day would come... "Kage BUSHIN no Jutsu!" just then about 30 clones appeared in the bakery, how the hell did i know that would work...

Me: All you have to do is take a cup of flour *or twenty*

add it to the MIX! *Pinkie smile*

Pinkie: Now a little something sweet not sour!

Me *in heavy voice*: a bit of salt, JUST A PINCH! *DUMP THAT SCHEISSE*

Me and Pinkie: Baking these treats is such a sinch

Add a Teaspoon of Bologna!/Vanilla! *Try the whole bottle and the Whole pack*

Add a little more and you count to 4

Me and Clones: and you never get your FILLA!

Cupcakes so Moist and Delicious

Cupcakes, don't be facicious

Me and Pinkie: Cupcakes...

Cupcakes, Cupcakes, CUPCAKES!!!

Just then The Cakes just walked into the kitchen,

"THIS DID NOT JUST HAPPEN!" Yup, we just made a thousand cupcakes in 23 seconds... like a bawse!

"Time to go.." I dashed out of the bakery, not waiting for the next part.

"Pinkie, what do they taste like?" Ms. Cake wondered. Ponies are vegetarian... TROLLOLOLOLZ. Which reminds me...

Questions to be answered before I die: How IS Bologna made?

*Ka-PON* I spent some time at the local spa's hot spring... ah... I missed open air hot springs... they're so good for you.

Effects of a Hot spring:

1) HP Recovery

2) Cure Disease

3) Detox

4) ----------

5) Cure Petrify

6) Removes all Status Ailments

"I didn't even know Ponyville had a hotspring..." Does it even matter?

"Is someone there?" I heard a soft voice coming from the other end of the hotspring. The resident shygal, Fluttershy. Keep cool, don't say anything, a freaking trumpet blare could make her burst through the barrier.

"namu..." DAMMIT BRAIN!

"Oh my... is that you.... Aoi?" There wasn't any fear behind her voice, more of embarassement.

"Um.... yes?" 'PLEASE NO BUSTING THROUGH THE BARRICADE TO HUG ME... I BEG OF YOU!!!' She started to fly up and peeked over the barricade.

"Who is it darling?" Rarity by the sound of it...

"It's Aoi," I heard something give... three guesses what it was...

*Aoi Processing mode*

"Wasn't this gag cut yesterday?" The barricade came crashing down on my end, my head busting through it, towel and all...

"I'm sorry!" Fluttershy dove into the water trying to hide. The more surprising reaction actually came from my end.

"GYAAAHH!!!!" I screamed in a High pitched voice. Rarity just stared.

"DON'T YOU HAVE ANY SHAME!" I looked back.

"Well... not really," That's a surprise, coming from the melodramatic pony, "Ponies usually don't wear clothes..." 'GAH!' She's right, except for AppleJack, with that hat and all...

"Well that's true..." how long as Fluttershy been underwater? 'My Aoi sense is... OH FUQ IT!'

"I'm coming Fluttershy!" I dive into the Mare's end of the Hotspring and fish out a gasping fluttershy, "Embarrassment's not worth it Fluttershy! SPEAK TO ME!!!"

"CAN'T BREATHE, TOO HEAVY!." I realize I'm sitting right on top of her.

"Oops..." She coughs and vomits what seems like gallons of mineral water. I wade back into my end, right when I thought I could relax...

"So what brings you to the hotsprings?" Casual conversation always fixes the most awkward of situations.

"Fluttershy and I always have a day to enjoy the spa... and you?"

"I came here to Detox." They had no idea what I meant, "Huh, now that I think about it, there really isn't much pollution in Ponyville. I guess I just came here because I missed hot springs." I crouched into the water and started blowing bubbles. Fluttershy saw me and started to giggle. D'AAAAAAAAWWW... again, my only weakness i started to smile.

"Oh Rarity, I never got to thank you again for the wardrobe, it looks great." Every single traditional garb i had, made exactly to the very last stitch. The design actually got her a over seas contract with a Design Company in Japony.

"Oh it's nothing, It is I who should be thanking you," she waved the matter shyly. I just shrugged and sat there. Then Fluttershy waded over to my end.

"Thanks for saving me..." Scottish accent activate, BOOP.

"Ah tish nothin wee lass, just me doin what Ah thought was rreight," Bagpies played while I said that... lulz. She giggled again, then smiled at me with a *squee*. 20% more adorable... NO MORE! 'I JUUST CAN'T HANDLE IT, CAPTAIN. I DON'T HAVE THE POWER!!!' I decided to leave before things got more awkward, then Rarity saw what I looked like without my clothes, from hearts popping out of her eyes expression, I'd say I look pretty damn sexy. I blushed as I wrapped a towel around my waist.

"Ahem, I'd best be going now..." I said peeking out from behind the wooden door.

"Why don't you stay a while?" she patted the water as if it were a chair...

"Oh my look at the time I got to go, I think I hear Pinkie callling me, Bye!" I dashed out of there as quickly as possible, in cartoon terms, leaving behind a smoke statue lasting only a second. 'NOT GOOD!'

As I was running for my virginity a letter popped up in front of me, two infact, I grabbed them and slid to a stop to read them. First one from Luna:

Dear Aoi,

Yes I do play video games, and thank you for reminding me that I've been waiting for the Noon release of The Equestrian Scrolls V: Skybloom.

From a fellow gamer,

Princess Luna

Face paw! 'The Equestrian Scrolls V? Now I've seen everything...' Then I see the Letter from Princess Celestia marked Confidential.

At my home I lock the door and slowly walk to my chair, sit down in it, and open the letter and start to read...