Now, I am a rational mare. A reasonable one. If you approach me sensibly and with an amicable enough demeanor, I am more than willing to sit down and have a level-headed discussion with you. If mistakes are made, I would rather spend my time correcting them than lamenting over them. That's just a sensible and stable state of mind to be in.

I was not feeling very rational or reasonable after I left Rarity's boutique. I used up all of that just dealing with Rarity herself. The library and indeed whoever was in charge of it didn't deserve Rational Twilight.

How does any librarian let this sort of thing happen? I mean I know Golden Oaks isn't the largest library in the world, but it's of a decent enough size that it should have sexual education covered if anyone actually wants to check books like that out! The only places I've ever seen Abnormals and You stocked at in regards to libraries is the Canterlot Royal Library and the International Library in New Yoke, and that's only because even the smelliest of book-shaped turds are still books that existed at one point. The fact that Golden Oaks didn't keep other, more informative choices around boggled my mind and pissed me off.

At least Rarity was willing to let Spike stay at the boutique while I went and paid this fucking shit-ass library a visit. Why that book, out of all the other more informative ones? I was happier than ever that no one outside of those five mares knew about my actual gender when that realization swept over me. How many ponies had gone in there looking for a book on the subject of hermaphrodites or homosexuals or transvestites, only to be led straight to that cowpie of a book? This peaceful town might be full of ponies that actually think I'm some disgusting degenerate, just because of what I'm slinging between my hindlegs!

Unfortunately, my wrath was sidetracked by what seemed to be some kind of incident happening at Sugarcube Corner. A lot of ponies in nurse's outfits were rushing towards it, with some orderlies carrying stretchers that were being used to cart ponies away from the establishment. It wasn't until I drew closer that I saw a lot of very sick ponies being offered buckets for them to vomit up their lunches with, and several others that hadn't been tended to in time had already done so all over the ground. Ew.

I tried to ignore the smell of bile as I drew closer to one of the nurses that was at least passively familiar to me. She was one of the ones that had taken care of me in the hospital, the only one I saw after waking up. She was as good a pony as any to start off with.

"Excuse me, what happened here?" I asked her, speaking up over the sound of retching and groaning.

The nurse turned suddenly, a medical mask over her face. "Oh! Here, we still don't know exactly what happened-how did you even-?"

I didn't have time to react as she yanked a medical mask from one of the sleeves in her apron and slipped it over my face. I had to resist the urge to scrunch my muzzle, and the barely-noticeable pressure of the mask pulling against the end of my snout caused a slight, annoying pain in my face. I still wasn't doing good with that whole broken snout situation, unfortunately.

I shook my head as one of the elastic straps snapped into place behind my ears, and gave the nurse a confused look. "What, is there some kind of airborne pathogen?"

"We don't know yet! How did you get past the quarantine area we've set up?"

I looked around at the fairly empty streets, devoid of any passersby. There was nothing but sick ponies laying on the ground and hospital staff rushing around the area, trying to figure out what was going on. You know, alongside checking on each individual pony and doing everything in their power to stop them from making the vomit even worse.

I pointed over to a nearby gap between two buildings. "I saw things happening, and came to investigate."

She followed where my hoof was pointing, then sighed heavily. "Somepony close that off! Look ma'am, we don't know what this is, and until then, we can't have civilians wandering around the area. I have to ask you to leave."

"Erm, I could help, if you needed help," I offered, motioning to myself. "I'm Twilight Sparkle."

"Yes, I'm aware, and that doesn't change anything. Please leave the same way you got in here, and watch where you step," she said, motioning to the puddles of vomit. "This place is practically a biohazard right now."

"Alright...any idea at all what caused this?" I asked, looking to Sugarcube Corner and taking note of the banner over the entrance. "Could it be food poisoning?"

"We're looking into that right now. Please leave, for your own safety, until we're sure."

I didn't opt to argue with her about it. I had other places to be anyway, and they had this under control. You know, looking back on it, I have to question why I always have this subconscious compulsion to stick my nose into business it doesn't belong in. Pretty sure I still have that problem. I removed the mask the nurse had given me once I was out of the area and tucked it into my pocket. I didn't have a trash can to throw it away in.

At least my anger had abated a little bit. I was less a burning powder keg just waiting to explode at someone, and more like...a grenade without the pin pulled just yet. This was fine, that was still a righteous enough level of fury for me to direct at the local librarian. I cannot abide a lack of knowledge when knowledge is so freely available. All that would have to be done is to take stock of the library's books, and then put in an order for newer inventory. Seriously, it's not hard! Half the time, you get new stock even if you didn't ask for it, so what the hay?

The moment I arrived, I took stock of the situation. The library itself seemed in good enough condition, even if the shelves appeared to be very dusty and unused. Even the spine covers of the books themselves looked dusty and untouched, the caked layers of dust having been left alone for who knew how long. It disgusted me on such a basic level that I had to resist the urge to open the windows and send a stiff swirling breeze through the place to try and get all that dust off.

"Oh! Two ponies in one month? That hasn't happened in a while," I heard an old, decrepit-sounding stallion say. "Welcome to Golden Oaks Library. How can I help you?"

I gave this old unicorn an evaluating look. He looked very old, the wrinkles on his body particularly reminiscent of Granny Smith, but even moreso, he seemed to have a lot of trouble walking. Maybe he was even older than Granny Smith? Then again maybe she was just ornery and didn't understand the concept of 'being old'. She certainly talked like she was in her thirties.

"Yes, hello. I am Twilight Sparkle, and I've come here because my friend informed me of something very disturbing to me on a personal level," I said as calmly as I could. "My friend Rarity borrowed a book a while back called Abnormals and You. She said it was the only book this library had on the subject of hermaphrodites?"

"Oh! Yes, that lovely young unicorn that stopped in last week," he said, smiling fondly. "It was nice to have some company at work. Yes, that's the only book we have on file about that subject. Maybe."

"Maybe? What do you mean?" I asked, swishing my tail impatiently.

"Well, we have a lot of shipments of books from Canterlot and Manehattan downstairs in the basement, but I'm nowhere near as spry as I used to be," he said, pointing to a nearby door. "Used to have an assistant, but since this library gets almost no use, they cut the funding down. He had to get a different job. I think the only reason this place is still open is because it's a historical landmark."

I could already feel my eye twitching. "You mean to tell me...you have the books, but they aren't stocked on the shelves?"

"Yup! Magic's not what it used to be though, and I'm certainly not strong enough to be cartin' boxes of books up and down the basement stairs," he said, sighing to himself. "What I wouldn't do to be young again...."

"Why haven't you asked for some help? I dunno, ask the mayor or something?"

He gave me an odd look, then slowly shook his head. "Well, this might sound selfish, but...I don't have a very good pension, and I need some kind of work to give my wife the kind of lifestyle she deserves. She's been good to me for forty years, and I wanna give her the best I can."

"What's that got to do with asking for help?"

"Because if I went to the mayor and asked if somepony could help me by just doing half my job for me, why would they let me keep it instead of hiring somepony more capable?" he said, cracking a smile. "Like I said, I know it's selfish, but this is the best kind of job I can do at my age. Used to be that my assistant would do all the stocking, and I'd handle the meet-and-greet with ponies that came in looking for books. Usually young fillies and colts, they get the most use out of the books here."

I felt my anger melt away as I looked around the room. Most of the library looked well-kept, but it was just the books that looked like they hadn't been touched in ages. He didn't deserve Rational Twilight, but I'd had time to cool off before I showed up there, and he'd drawn her out. I couldn't maintain my anger with him, even if he was being a bit selfish. I lit up my horn and pulled the door he'd pointed at open.

"Well, I can help you out right now, I don't really have anything better to do," I said, walking over and heading down into the darkness. "Just open all the windows for me, huh?"

"What? Miss, are you sure about that? There's a lot of books down there!" he called out to me from the doorway.

"It's fine, honest!" I called back up to him, looking over the numerous boxes that had been piled up in the basement.

"I-I'm thankful, but I can't pay you! You know that, right?"

"Yes, I'm aware, thank you!"

I marched back upstairs with every single box following in a line behind me. He watched me with no small amount of confusion, and I couldn't really blame him. I was some out-of-towner, a complete stranger, offering to help him for nothing. Well, seemingly nothing, anyways. I was getting something out of it.

It definitely took me a while to really sort everything out. I had to look over the books he kept among a slew of other things in order to straighten everything out. I could tell he wasn't used to having to keep track of this stuff. At least I knew how the Dewey Decimal System worked, or who knew if I would've gotten anything done in any reasonable amount of time.

By the time I was completely done, it was past noon and I really needed to check in on Spike, though I was sure he was just fine. Sweetie Belle seemed nice enough, and I had to get used to the idea of not constantly hovering around him. I didn't have to fear anything as long as he was around ponies I could trust. Well, reasonably trust. Rarity was a bigot, but she wasn't the type to be untrustworthy. The fact that she still kept my secret safe was proof enough of that.

With everything done, I was feeling much happier with the state of things. At least there were more books covering a certain subject that set me off to begin with. Far more informative books. I may or may not have made that copy of Abnormals and You disappear in one of the boxes I shoved back into the basement. Maybe. Possibly. I even took the time to re-organize all the other books on the shelves and give them a good dusting off. I had to use magic to whisk all the clouds of dust out of the library itself.

To say the old stallion was thankful for my assistance was an understatement. I had the feeling that he knew it was only a matter of time before someone went to the mayor or someone else in charge and complained, and then he'd be out of a job that someone his age could appreciate. He didn't have to strain himself, or rush, or anything of the sort there. He could just relax most of the day while still being on the clock. I couldn't even really blame him for wanting to keep such a cushy position.

With my anger completely faded away, I was free to pick up some lunch. Of course, I wasn't particularly hungry at the moment, but surely Spike was. I wasn't the type to get my lunch right at noon or shortly after. I can usually hold off until around one or two in the afternoon. I usually avoid big breakfasts as well. I have a bit of a garbage gut myself, you see, which is probably where Spike gets it from. Following my example.

I have never been under any illusions about my eating habits. While I maintain a certain level of decorum when I eat, I tend to get second servings. Then thirds. Sometimes even fourths if I'm hungry enough. There's a reason I've got a small belly on me, and hayburgers are entirely to blame.

I took a different route back to the boutique, and on the way there, I stumbled across Rainbow Dash pacing back and forth in front of what looked like a big, and very crudely-built, catapult. I couldn't help but question when she found the time to build it, let alone how she got it where it was, unless she built it in that very spot or something like that. I can't remember ever asking.

She seemed quite agitated at the moment, and she took to the air a few times to do a quick scan over the streets leading to and from Sweet Apple Acres. She hadn't seemed to notice me yet, so she must've been really intent on finding just one pony in particular. Worked for me, I was enjoying watching her get more and more aggravated by the second. Still, just standing there staring at her probably made me look like a creep to passersby, so I took the chance to approach her when she touched down again.

"So. This is a thing," I said, cracking a smile. "How's it going, Rainbow?"

She stopped in place and looked over at me, her grumpy mood disappearing instantly. "Oh, hey Twilight! Didn't know you were in town."

"Yeah, I brought Spike so we could come here and relax for a while, after my trip to Stalliongrad," I said, motioning to my muzzle. "Got a nasty souvenir."

"I heard about that from Fluttershy," she said, taking to the air and darting over in front of me, hovering just above me. "You good?"

"Long as I don't take a hard hit to the face, yeah."

"Cool. So," she said, flipping over onto her back on the air. "'Sup?"

I glanced over at the catapult. "I could ask you the same thing. What's up with that?"

"Oh, that? It's something Applejack's helping me with. Or she would be if she showed up on time," she growled out, clenching her teeth slightly. "She's kept me waiting for a half-hour now."

"Shit, that sucks. I was actually heading back to Rarity's to pick up Spike, but if you want me to make a run to her farm, I can do that. I need the exercise."

"Nah, you don't have to do that. Actually, you wanna hang out for a while while I wait for AJ to show up?" she asked, landing and walking over to a nearby guardrail, leaning against it. "I wanna hear about what went down in Stalliongrad!"

I thought about it for a moment. It wasn't like anything was really pressing me to rush around, and there were still plenty of hours in the day. I could do to just slow down and hang out. Besides, I rarely ever got to brag about my exploits, even though the version of the story I could tell Rainbow Dash was entirely fabricated. How terrible!

Indeed, instead of being able to tell her about my epic failure to sneak into Ruby's home, I was limited to telling her about how I stumbled across my 'old acquaintance' by accident, and went to Ruby's home with Gadget as an escort! I could not tell her about how Ruby thoroughly beat my sorry ass after disabling my magic and broke my snout! Instead, I had to settle for lying about how I was ambushed by some crazy pony out to get Ruby, and wound up blowing up a section of the building. Then Gadget picked me up and got me out of there before something worse happened.

Yes. Truly, I was the hero Equestria deserved.

"Wow. Sounds like you went through some shit," she said, rubbing the back of her head. "Thought it would've been cooler than that."

"Yeah, well, not everything in life can be an awesome action scene in a movie where I'm diving out of cover with pistols in each hoof and a flock of doves taking flight behind me," I said chuckling at the thought. "Shame, really. That'd make me look like the biggest badass ever."

"Where'd you get that idea from?"

"A film made in Neighpon called A Better Tomorrow. Really revolutionary for the film industry, it's fantastic." I said, pulling out my cigar case and flipping it open.

Rainbow shrugged and flicked her tail. "I don't really watch television. Don't even own a TV. Too many other things to do with my time."

"Oh, you'd love this one, trust me," I said, lighting up one of my cigars and taking a few puffs from it. "I mean, long as you don't mind reading Equestrian subtitles. Doesn't have an Equestrian-speaking cast."

"Eeehh, maybe you can show it to me sometime," she said, looking down at my cigar curiously. "So how are those things, anyway? I've seen ponies smokin' cigs, but the smoke just gags me. That doesn't smell bad though."

A wicked idea hit me, and I pulled the cigar from between my lips, holding it out to her. "Try it out for yourself and see. It's pretty good."

She stared at the cigar, seeming unsure about this decision, but eventually she took it for herself. I waited and watched as she pressed it to her lips, my expectations rising as she began to inhale. The end of the cigar lit up with a nice glowing orange-red, and I was already struggling to hold in my laughter. I knew this would happen from the moment she said she'd seen lots of ponies smoking cigarettes before.

Most people make the common mistake of assuming that you smoke a cigar the same way you smoke a cigarette. Even I made that mistake initially. It's long, it looks like a death stick, burns like a death stick, surely you inhale it just like a death stick, right? Wrong! You're only supposed to suck the smoke into your mouth to enjoy the flavor, and then blow the smoke back out. Rainbow Dash clearly did not know this.

I mean, you can inhale cigar smoke if you want, but you don't have to. In fact, I wouldn't recommend it at all. You'll still get that good, solid nicotine kick regardless. It is, at the very least, less of a death stick if only because you don't have to turn your lungs into a chemical toxin repository. That doesn't solve the whole cancer problem with your mouth or throat, but I digress.

The coughing and hacking fit began the moment she took that first inhale, and she made the mistake of putting those strong lungs to work and taking a deep one. Several ponies turned to watch as Rainbow doubled over and made the most desperate hacking and retching sounds, the cigar forgotten and dropped to the ground. I picked it up quickly in my magic while laughing my ass off, even as my friend looked and sounded as if she were dying right in front of me.

"Ghk! Hrrk! Y-you dick!" she rasped out, coughing a few more times. "Why do you smoke that stuff?!"

"What's the-hah!-matter, Rainbow? Can't handle it?" I teased, grinning. "Damn, I thought you were tough!"

"Screw you," she wheezed, slowly struggling to stand up once more, her wings flapping in front of her face to swipe away whatever she was smelling. "Ugh, it's in my throat!"

"Mmm, that's the smell of impending disease. Nothing better, huh?" I said, taking a slow drag and just as slowly letting it back out into the air above me.

She covered her mouth with a hoof and muffled a nasty retching noise. "Oh, sweet Celestia, I'm gonna barf....!"

I reached over and patted her back, turning my head to blow a fresh mouthful of smoke away. "Just take slow, deep breaths to clear your lungs out, and try not to lose your lunch. That'll probably just make it worse."

She was still wheezing as she tried to catch her breath. Must've been a mix of her lack of exposure and all that clean country air she'd grown accustomed to. She most likely didn't get exposed to much pollution in Cloudsdale either while growing up. They take air pollution very seriously up there, to the point that they've openly called cigarette and tobacco companies out, along with being very mistrusting of more modern technologies. I can respect it. Pollution is rapidly ruining Equestria's pristine and beautiful environment even now. I just hope Celestia does something about it soon.

"Guh...phew. Those things are disgusting," she said, clearing her throat. "I think I need to go to the hospital."

I gave her a smack on her withers. "Eh, don't be a pussy. Want some more?"

"What?! Sweet Celestia, no!"

"Then I did a good job," I said, taking a final puff from my cigar before snuffing the fire out and putting it back in my cigar case. "Last thing an athlete needs is to be eased into something that'll completely ruin her lungs."

"Guh, pthbleh! Whatever, that stuff's sick," she said, shaking it off slowly and coughing just once more. "Damn. Ugh, you suck...."

"Yeah yeah, I suck, I'm lame, whatever. Now, wanna explain what that catapult's for?"

"Whuh? Oh, right," she said, adjusting her wings against her sides. "I got that thing slapped together so AJ could send me flying."

I stared at her, then the catapult, blinking a few times. "Uh...huh. How exactly would Applejack send you flying?"

"I dunno!" she said, shrugging and cracking a confident grin. "I talked to her about the idea and she said she could totally make it happen! That way I can take off faster than I ever could on my own, and I can finally pull off my Rainbow Blaze stunt!"

"Yeah, you mentioned something about stunts before. What's that about?" I asked, crossing my forelegs and hindlegs over each other and leaning my side against the fence again.

"I never told you? I'm gonna be a Wonderbolt one day!" she said, grinning and spreading her wings wide. "I'll wow them with my flying skills and be a shoe-in! I practice every day."

"That makes sense," I said, tilting my head. "What about fighting?"

"Huh? What about it?"

"Uh, it's something you have to learn in order to be a Wonderbolt? They may be a showy branch of the military, but they still get the same amount of training as any normal branch of Equestria's Air Force."

Rainbow shrugged at that and took to the air again, checking the area down the road. "Yeah, but I figure they're gonna teach us that stuff when we join the Wonderbolts anyway, so...."

"Well yeah, that's true, but you seem like the type that wants to impress," I said, gazing up at the sky in thought. "I mean, you'd be hard-pressed to find a Krav Pega trainer in a small town like this one, but still."

"Wait, I thought they were taught CQC?" she asked, flying back down with a scowl. "AJ still isn't on her way."

"That sucks. Uh, yeah, they get taught CQC, they're specialists after all, but Krav Pega's the standard for pegasi in the military, and a staple of pegasus culture. You know that, right?"

"Pff-yeah, of course I knew that!" she said, casually waving it off and doing a flip in the air. "I know all about that stuff!"

I don't think I could've given her a more 'you fucking serious?' stare if I tried. My bullshit meter was flying off the charts, and I think she could hear the sirens from it going off just as much as I could in my own head.

She sagged in the air and hmph'ed. "Fine, I didn't know that."

"Mmmhmm."

She bounced back immediately, flipping over onto her back in the air and smoothly gliding in a circle above me. "But like you said, it'd be hard or impossible to find a trainer around here, so that's a no-go."

I grunted my agreement, and let the silence build between us, the idle chatter of passersby filling the air while we just kinda...hung out. Rainbow Dash kept darting between looking at the catapult and taking to the air to look around from a better position. I could tell she was beginning to get upset again because of Applejack's absence, but I was somewhat thankful for the excuse to just chill and hang with a friend.

"Hey, now that I think about it...."

I looked over at Rainbow just as she landed next to me. "Yeah? What's up?"

She grinned and motioned at me with a wing. "You know how to fight! Why can't you teach me?"

"Huh...hadn't considered that," I said, glancing off to the side. "Never really trained anyone before."

"Well I saw what you could do, and that was pretty cool!" she said, rearing up partially onto her hindlegs and jabbing forward with her forehooves. "C'mon! Show me some stuff!"

I gave it some consideration. There was nothing really stopping me from doing it. I hadn't sworn any oaths, and it wasn't like I was a stranger to being a teacher. I'd just never done any teaching of the more physical variety. Keep your minds out of the gutter for that one, damn it, I didn't mean it that way. Then again, my mind jumped to that immediately...geez.

Okay, my point is, I had never done that sort of thing, and I couldn't really tell you if I was qualified. I'd actually studied books about Krav Pega and several other forms of martial arts, but I'd never learned or practiced techniques from any of them. Not intentionally, at least. As I learned how to box, I tended to teach myself different things for different scenarios. Pushing and pulling targets to throw them off-balance, tackling them to the ground and slamming their head against the pavement...you know, dirty street tactics. Form and efficiency were fine, but sometimes you had to fall down to their level to make them learn.

I gave her stance a once-over, then shrugged. "Eh, why not? You'll have to work on that stance though."

"What? What's wrong with my stance?" she asked as she dropped to all fours again.

I mentally prepped myself to enter lecture mode, cracking a smile. "Well, us ponies aren't exactly naturally built for most martial arts, especially since outside of the pegasi, we aren't particularly inclined towards war. However, we've co-opted a lot of martial forms created by minotaurs and griffons, and even the pegasi have developed their own styles, such as Krav Pega. However, all of these require a pony to adjust to a very unnatural way of standing."

She tilted her head. "Yeah?"

"Mmmhmm," I said, rising up onto my hindlegs quickly. "Standing only on two legs. You need to get used to moving like a biped instead of a quadruped."

"Well okay, but why's that?" she asked, jumping into the air and spreading her wings wide, fluttering them to stay in place in the air. "Why wouldn't I just fight like this?"

"Simple," I said, reaching out with my magic and grabbing hold of one of her wings, forcing her to the ground again. "How easy do you think it'd be for me to make those go snicker-snap?"

I immediately let her go as she cringed and tucked her wings tight against her sides. "Oookay, point taken. It can't be that hard, right?"

Ooh, those are not the words you want to speak when you're trying to learn something new. Or ever, for that matter! You can think them all you want, but for the love of Celestia, don't say them out loud. You're just welcoming disaster upon yourself.

I watched her rise up onto her hindlegs, managing it for only a brief time before the natural order of things attempted to re-assert itself with particularly aggressive fervor. Namely, she began to lean too far back after only ten seconds, and when she tried to stabilize herself, she overcompensated and just barely caught herself with her forehooves in time to avoid getting a bloody nose. She rose up and attempted it again, and this time she completely fell on her back, her forelegs flailing in the air and her wings shooting out on reflex to try and catch her, but it was far too late to do anything about it. She hit the ground with a whump and a guttural grunt as the air was rapidly forced out of her lungs.

I walked up next to her and offered her a foreleg to help her up. "Look, while you shouldn't rely on your wings, you might need them to help you out. Slight advantage in the learning department over us unicorns and earth ponies."

She took hold of my hoof and pulled herself up quicker than I expected, rubbing the back of her head. "Ugh, yeah, okay. So, how's this work....?"

I stepped back and let her rise up onto her hindlegs again, but instead of using her wings, she tried to do the same exact thing again. She would've fallen over too, if it weren't for my magic catching her before she hit the back of her head again. I held her up while I walked over to stand up next to her, our unusual behavior attracting a bit of attention from passersby. Not exactly normal to see ponies trying to figure out how to walk like a minotaur.

"Well, it helps to widen your stance at first. Spreading your wings and using them to catch yourself helps too, since you've got them," I explained, giving her an example by adopting a wider stance, my right hindleg just a little bit back from my left. "You need to get used to standing like this first. Then you can learn how to fight."

She tried to mimic my stance, and I could feel her balance swing wildly forward and back as she shifted her hindlegs around under herself. "Aaalright, this is definitely weird...and kind of a strain on my back, and my flanks."

"Yeah, like I said, it takes some getting used to," I said, holding up my forelegs. "Once you're more used to that though, I can show you a few things. Like how to throw a good jab and hook."

"C'mon, you can't show me anything now? That stuff you did was pretty cool when you were in city hall!" she said, her wings twitching forward and back to help keep her stable. "I got this, no problem! Show me how you do that."

I gave her a once-over while slowly pulling my telekinesis away from her. To her credit, she only stumbled a little bit as her support was taken away. She did at least manage to stay on her hindhooves this time. That was more than I expected from what equated to a crash course right then and there.

"...Alright, sure," I muttered, walking around in front of her and widening my stance just a little more, hunkering down and turning my forelegs. "First, you have to turn your forelegs like this. I know it feels natural to keep them the same way you walk on them, but this way offers a better method of defending yourself, and it gives you a good, strong base to attack from."

"This feels really weird..." she said, doing her best to mimic my stance first. "Huh. Y'know, it actually feels easier to stand on my hindlegs when I'm like this!"

"Yeah, but it's more strenuous to do so. You're using the muscles in your legs and back in ways you aren't used to, so don't be surprised if you're pretty sore later."

"Eh, can't be that bad. I work out every day!" she said, grinning at me confidently. "Okay, so now the forelegs?"

"Mmmhmm. Okay, so you see how you have them now? With your forehooves tilted down towards the ground?" I said, reaching forward to take hold of her hooves. "You need to rotate them, so your hooves are pointing up towards your head."

"Wait, really? That seems-"

"Trust me, you can do it. Once you've done that...."

That was how it went, for the next...well, I wasn't really keeping track of the time. Couldn't have been more than an hour, really. She was eager to see new stuff, not out of a desire to genuinely learn at the time, but more out of curiosity. That was fine with me. I was at a loss for things to do outside of going to a theater or something to that effect, so it was a fun diversion. As much as it was a small learning experience for Rainbow Dash, it was a pretty good review for me. Always good to go back to the basics.

I didn't expect much of what I taught her to stick. If that had honestly been my intent, I would've stopped at the peekaboo stance and left it at that until she really got used to it. I'm not ashamed to admit that I was doing it to show off my moves to a friend that thought I was 'cool' and 'awesome'. Can't say I'd ever had someone praise my skills in such a manner before.

The impromptu training didn't last, however. It had gone on for an hour before the sound of hooves against dirt caught our attention. I hadn't really worked up a sweat, but by the time Rainbow had lowered down to all fours, she was trying pretty hard to hide how much standing like that had worn her out. Couldn't blame her, I remember when I just started out doing that sort of thing. My hindlegs and my flanks actively ached for weeks on end, along with my croup.

"Heeeey!"

We both turned our attention towards the voice, the small crowd that had gathered around to watch me work Rainbow over following our example. Applejack was running our way, and she looked even worse than yesterday. I cringed at the heavy and listless gaze she had, her half-lidded eyes and half-hearted smile saying far more than she likely wanted them to. Even though she was running, the way she moved made her appear particularly worn-down. Her legs seemed to move more loosely, but well enough that she could keep a decent pace going. She was getting to that breaking point, but she wasn't quite there just yet.

I moved next to Rainbow and leaned my head towards her. "Are those bags under her eyes, or suitcases? Sweet Celestia."

Rainbow couldn't hold back her snickering, and I was tempted to join her. Alas, Applejack the Weary was upon us, and if I'd known then what I did a short while after, I probably would've enacted my contingency plan much sooner. Everything about her current condition was a disaster waiting to happen. She wasn't even wearing her hat straight, and of all the things she made sure to do exactly right, it was making sure her hat looked good on her head. Considering how much she doesn't care about or for high fashion and perfect grooming, that says a lot about how much her hat matters to her.

"Heh, 'bout time you got here, AJ!" Rainbow said, thumping my chest with a quick swat from her forehoof. "Twilight was keeping me busy while you were doing...well, whatever it is that made you late. What time is it?"

"Ah'm mighty sorry 'bout that! Seems like I'm gettin' pulled in all directions today. First it was that award thing with Mayor, then I had to go help Pinkie with her new batch of cupcakes-"

I don't think I need to explain how that immediately got the gears in my head turning. Sure, her being so tired that she could get an order so wrong that she disastrously poisons a good chunk of Sugarcube Corner's patrons by accident may be a bit of a stretch, but I hadn't factored in the variable I now like to call 'Ponyville Madness'. Crazy shit tends to happen there on a near-constant basis with little to no provocation. Since I didn't live there, I didn't know that just yet.

"-an' after this, I gotta stop by Fluttershy's place so I can help her herd a bunch of newborn bunnies! One Tartarus of a day," she said, removing her hat to rub her brow with her hoof...and discreetly try to wipe the sleepiness from her eyes. "So, whatcha need me for again?"

"Better late than never I guess," Rainbow mumbled, turning to point at the catapult. "I need you to climb up to that platform, and jump down onto that side of the catapult, and it should send me flying faster than I can take off on my own!"

"That seems dangerous. Can you recover from that?" I asked, frowning. "Not to mention that's not how physics work, in this scenario...."

It was impressive how easily Rainbow ignored my logic. It bordered on selective hearing. It was the first example of a long-term lesson I had to learn about her. Specifically, she didn't let things like logic and facts stop her from at least trying to do something.

Then I remembered that the catapult was made from wood. Things suddenly made sense from there.

"Pff, we got this! AJ said this could work, and she's not the type to lie," she said, waving me off and taking to the air. "C'mon, Applejack! Let's do this."

I could explain the significance of wood, but it would probably be better to just let things proceed as they were. You'll understand quickly enough. The crowd that had begun to disperse started to come back as Rainbow took up her position on one end of the see-saw-like catapult she'd thrown together, and I recall being worried at least a little bit in regards to the quality of construction for the whole thing. She did only slap that thing together in a single day, I think....

Still, whatever the case, I offered no further protest as Applejack made her way up to her designated platform. I became only slightly concerned when she missed and full-on faceplanted into the ground not once, but several times. She seemed damn near delirious from the start, and she was only getting worse with every impact. At one point, she didn't even bother with the platform. She just pulled her side of the see-saw down and climbed up onto it.

Rainbow Dash was not impressed.

Rainbow Dash was even less impressed and more along the lines of groaning in pain when Applejack hopped off of the see-saw. The way her legs buckled under the sudden shift beneath her hooves and her chin slammed down onto the wood had me cringing, and she was clearly dazed. I didn't notice Applejack climbing back up onto the platform until it was too late.

Even as I reached to try to snatch Rainbow off of the see-saw, I could see her earth pony magic gathering in her hooves. She'd done it every single try before this, but this time it looked almost luminescent in its intensity. I don't think anyone else around us saw it the way I did, but when her hooves impacted the catapult, I only caught what the magic did because I was expecting it.

As soon as she slammed down on it, the magic rushed into the wood and coursed through it, flowing directly across and underneath Rainbow's collapsed form. It was a little too late to tell Applejack to wait, at that point. The magic rushed up under Rainbow while the catapult shifted under her, all of the magic surging up under Rainbow's form and cradling her just as her side of the see-saw reached its apex. The end result was Rainbow being sent rocketing into the air in a near-perfect arc, her tail leaving a lovely rainbow trail behind her.

"AAAPLEJAAAACK....!"

I tried to follow where she went, but judging by how she'd left a trail behind herself, she'd at least managed some amount of control once she took off. No doubt a part of her constant training. Pegasi need good reflexes, and it comes fairly naturally to them. In any case, without knowing where exactly she landed, it would be useless to teleport. Not to mention, I didn't know the landscape outside of Ponyville all that well, and that was clearly where she was headed. Hopefully her wings could overcome the overwhelming force thrust upon her by AJ's earth pony magic.

Applejack actually had the nerve to say 'you're welcome' before trying to leave. I knew I had to stop her there. The idea of something like this going down with Fluttershy didn't sit well with me, mostly because I didn't want to imagine how Applejack could screw up herding bunnies.

"Hey, Applejack! Wait up!" I called out to her.

"Huh? Whuzzat?" she said, her drooping ears perking up suddenly. "Somepony call fer me?"

I stepped around in front of her and nodded. "Yes, I did. Look, you said you were going to help Fluttershy herd some bunnies, or something like that?"

"Uh, yeah. Was just gonna head over there," she said, blinking a few times. "Honestly, ah don't have time for this kinda stuff, but ah ain't the type o' pony that goes back on 'er word."

"I figured. That being the case, let me take care of the bunny herding. You can just get back to your farm and finish your work, no problem," I said, smiling a little. "If you're up later, maybe you can join Spike and I? I talked with Granny Smith and she said we could camp out on your farm tonight."

"Oh, really? I thought-" she said, before a mighty yawn interrupted her, a hoof coming up to cover her muzzle until it passed. "-thought y'all were stayin' at Fluttershy's to avoid that?"

I giggled faintly and shrugged. "Your little sister mentioned s'mores. Plus, you know how curious kids can be."

"Don't ah know it. Apple Bloom's so curious ah swear she'd jump off a bridge just to see how much it'd hurt when she hits the bottom." she grumbled, her head slowly lowering as she spoke.

"Well that's morbid. Hey," I said, making a loud snapping sound with my horn. "You alright?"

Her head shot up like someone had just zapped her in her flank, and her wide eyes darted this way and that in a brief panic. "Huh?! I-uh...oh! Yeah, ah'm fine."

"You don't look it."

"Sugarcube, I'm perfectly fine, alright?" she said, giving me a stern glare.

"Fine, sure, alright," I said dismissively. "So I'll help with the rabbits, and you can go back to the farm."

"Sure, sounds fine," she said, yawning again and walking past me. "See ya later, Twi."

"Mmmhmm. Oh! Forgot to ask," I said, turning around to look at her. "You want to go out for some drinks tomorrow night? My treat."

She looked back at me curiously, then hummed in thought. "Dunno if ah'll have time...but I think I can squeeze a little free time in."

"Sounds good!" I said, waving goodbye to her.

"Eeyup! Hope you got a big wallet on ya, sugarcube," she called out as she walked away. "I can really put 'em away!"

"I'll hold you to that! I've come in second place in drinking contests with Princess Celestia before!" I called back, just before realizing that I just shouted that for pretty much everyone to hear.

"Hah! That's a good joke there, Twi!" she said, waving me off. "Like the Princess would ever do stuff like that!"

I made a point of ignoring the fact that that was basically exactly what happened after the whole Nightmare Moon thing went down. Then again, I'm willing to bet a lot of ponies didn't remember much about that night. That was one major cause for celebration, after all.

Still, at least I'd managed to kick my contingency plan into action. If I was right and Applejack was actually responsible for what happened at Sugarcube Corner, then she needed to be stopped before her exhaustion and delirium caused any further problems. Hopefully that could wait until tomorrow evening. For the time being, I tasked myself with tracking Rainbow Dash down. Regardless of how good a flier she was, if she actually crash-landed...well, she could be somewhere injured and unable to get herself back to a safe location. The thought of that didn't sit well with me.

Of course, I wasn't a pegasus, so I wasn't the best equipped for a search-and-possibly-rescue mission. So I opted to get some help from the local weather team. After flagging down several of them and explaining the situation, they headed off in search of their manager. With that taken care of, I headed back to the boutique. I'd left Spike there long enough as it was.

Author's Notes:

Well! This chapter was fun.

Music I listened to:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoENPofWt8Y