Yes I haven’t updated in about two months. Yes the first half of this chapter is recycled from the last. Yes you can skip those parts. Yes there will be an explanation when it’s finished. On with the chapter!

“So why exactly did I have to come along?” I asked Reprise as the two of us walked through one of Stalliongrad’s open air markets. The streets were filled with people. Mostly ponies, but a good smattering of the other races as well. I was getting a lot less stares this time around. I guess I was old news, even if it had only been a few days. Apparently the zebra was right. News traveled fast, but it appeared to be fading just as quickly.

“Because, one of the prices of living in the Hall is that you have to help out with all the chores. Running through them the first time with a partner will help you familiarize yourself with them so you won’t make mistakes,” she answered matter-of-factly.

“And you didn’t want to go grocery shopping on your own,” I grumbled. All she did was let out a chuckle that was far more annoying than it was loud.

“Technically it’s not grocery shopping. We’re not bringing anything back; we’re just making sure all our agreements hold up with our suppliers. And here’s one of them now.” She stopped in front of a small shop with a rather obscene amount of plants hanging in the window.

“What do we need from here?” Most of the herbs I didn’t recognize, except for the plant that was one of the primary ingredients in those healing potions Nadene showed me how to make. That reminded me I needed to stock up on those. Maybe I could commandeer one of the workbenches in the basement...

“A friend of mine named Bark lives here. She supplies us with most of our seasonings. You can just wait out here this time. It won’t take long.” She walked into the shop without another word.

“Well at least I’m in the sun this time.” The last three places we visited had me standing awkwardly in a corner while she talked business with whoever it was that owned the place. Not really that bad except I was bored out of my skull. At least out here it was quiet.

Well, not quiet. There was actually a lot of noise, but it was background noise. I was able to tune most of it out just by flattening my ears against my skull. It was kind of nice having movable ears. Really made sleeping a lot easier when I could cut the sound I was hearing in half without much effort.

“Hey,” a voice said from beside me. A run of the mill earth-pony mare had come from nowhere and was looking at me...strangely to say the least.

“Hello,” I said, trying to sound friendly. She didn’t really say anything else and I didn’t know what to say. So I just assumed this was no different than two strangers sitting on the same park bench and resumed leaning against the wall. We stayed that way for a couple minutes.

“So...how much?” Now that was probably the last question I expected to hear randomly.

“What?” She rolled her eyes and reiterated.

“How much do you charge?” She looked me up and down with quizzical look on her face. “You’re pretty exotic so I’m guessing you’re not cheap, but you barely even did anything so you can’t be too stuck up.”

“Uhh...I think I’m missing something here.” This was definitely one of the stranger conversations I’d ever had. And considering I once had a talk with a violent rat-woman that was keeping me prisoner, it says quite a lot.

About this conversation and my life.

“Alright look, all I want is a quickie before I have to go to work. Can you just tell me what you charge so we can get this over with?” She stared at me impatiently. I returned it blankly.

“He’s not what you think he is.” Reprise stepped out of the store, apparently done with her discussion.

“What? But he’s-”

“Bipedal,” she said simply. The mare was silent for a few moments before something about those words clicked. She blushed, mumbled an apology, and ran off leaving me more confused than ever.

“What the hell was that about?” I asked the unicorn as we continued on our errands.

“Oh nothing. She probably just thought you were a prostitute,” she commented offhandedly. “Now I think we’re supposed to meet up with Fault and Crisp for lunch so we should probably-”

“Hold it!” I somehow managed to keep from screaming that, but I still said it forcefully enough to startle Reprise and garner a few weird looks from passersby. I dragged her off to the side of the street and began questioning. “Why exactly would she think I’m a prostitute?”

“Well...it’s kind of how you’re dressed.” She shrugged, which was kind of awkward with four legs, but somehow they can pull it off. “I mean, I know there are different rules for bipedals, but most just conform to our system. Makes things easier.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I couldn’t think of anything that would make me stand out like THAT. All I was wearing were a brown shirt and pants. Nothing else.

“Wait...you don’t know, do you?” Reprise suddenly started blushing. “Oh...well...this is awkward.”

“Know what exactly?” I got the feeling that I had missed something very important and someone somewhere was laughing their ass off about it.

“Well...most of the population goes around on four legs and has tails so there are a couple articles of clothing we don’t really need. And they’ve kind of taken on a...different function.” She made it a point to stare at my leg.

…

I wear pants on my legs.

Ponies don’t need pants. They walk around naked most of the time.

Actually, most of the two legged creatures I’ve seen don’t use them either.

In fact, the only people I’ve seen wearing them in Equestria are me, Ren, and...

And the people who stand outside of the Hitching Post.

Have you ever had a moment where you realized something totally innocent was actually much dirtier than you ever imagined? It’s not fun.

“Oh you have to be kidding me!” I smacked my own forehead. Hard. “Are you telling me that this entire time I’ve been walking around wearing what is akin to going naked back where I’m from?”

“Well, not exactly. Most ponies realize that there are entirely different rules based on the number of legs you have. Still, you always get a couple people who just assume everything means the same thing for everyone.” She rolled her eyes in disgust. “Personally, I just kind of assumed it was a species thing. After all, you’re the first of your kind to come to this city in recent memory.”

“Yeah...and back in the Jungle, everyone wore clothes.” Both the Lacuni and the Vren wore them. And judging by Kaileena, some wore less than others, but there were probably very few nudist tribes. Really, I had every excuse to wear them. Even if they meant different things to certain people. “Well...it’s weird but I don’t think I’m going to go around naked because of it.”

“Yeah, I kind of figured.” She started laughing. “You know, you’re going to look back on this one day and find it funny.”

“Probably. But that’s not today,” I said, glad that my fur hid any blushing I might have been doing. “Let’s just finish the rest of these errands and get some lunch.”

“Actually, we’re all done,” she said happily as we rejoined the moving crowd. “Now come on. There’s a great cafe we’re supposed to meet the others at.”

Thankfully, the rest of that day and my shift passed without further incident, though some of the looks I got took on an entirely new meaning. Ren came back empty handed again and I asked him about the whole pants thing. He said he knew about it, didn’t care what these people thought of him, and I shouldn’t either. Though he did laugh when he heard I was mistaken for a prostitute.

As did Fault. And Crisp. And Bright. And Mica. And Robin. And Angus. Actually, the only person who didn’t laugh was Scruffy. He just grunted again. I was pretty sure he was laughing on the inside though.

So, after my shift, Bright told me I had to do inventory. When I asked why they didn’t take care of this BEFORE we went around ordering supplies for the next month, he just said it was for practice. Which left me stuck in a dark cellar counting barrels for no reason.

Fun.

Actually, the basement itself was pretty cool. The door downstairs was in the kitchen next to the smaller pantry. Creaky wooden stairs led down to a clear area with a large card table in the center and a small lantern hanging above it. Off to one side was a series of workbenches, each piled with various tools and supplies. It looked like the people here had no problems keeping themselves busy. Apparently one of the empty ones was mine, but I didn’t know what I was going to do with it yet.

The rest of the cellar was taken up by an almost obscene number of crates, boxes, containers, barrels, casks (apparently there was a difference between the two), racks, and one big old fashioned furnace. Gave the whole thing the feel of a basement in an RPG, complete with rats the size of your forearm!

“Hmm…maybe I should help take care of that.” Rats and cats were natural enemies after all. Just look at what happened with those Skaven. And honestly, I’d do just about anything to get out of the boredom of counting how many barrels of Appleloosan whiskey we had.

Still, the problem of how to deal with the (light) rodent infestation did not present solutions easily. Rats and bars went hand in hand. Removing one from the other was nearly impossible without industrial strength traps or chemicals. And all I had on me was the clothes on my back, a hidden dagger…

And one magical snake bracelet. I set the clipboard I was carrying down on a nearby barrel and took a good look at the tiny, golden statuette on my wrist. Snakes ate rats after all. I’d watched a king cobra devour some dead ones at a zoo once. And since this one was set to follow my commands…

“Excitaret.” At the sound of the Latin word for wake, the creature I had dubbed Nag sprung to life and curled up in my palm. The gold reptile let out a yawn that would have put most dragons to shame and stared at me lazily. I dug through the strange lexicon the snake had put in my head (I’d have to figure out just how much Latin he’d given me at some point) for the right words. “Quaere poteritis, quot mures interficere.”

Nag apparently really liked this order since both of his nonexistent eyebrows shot up. Licking his lips hungrily, the serpent sprung off my hand and dashed off into the dark cellar. I had to suppress a small shudder of revulsion. Just because I wasn’t afraid of THIS snake didn’t mean I liked the thought of one living on me. It was easy to forget that fact when he was a bracelet, but to see said bracelet get up and move…

“Alright…where was I?” I picked up the clipboard and rebalanced it on my wooden arm. Now I could get back to arbitrarily counting the number of things in storage to make sure it hadn’t changed from the last time they counted. I wondered what the others were doing right now. Probably laughing at my expense since they stuck me down here with the most boring job in the world with no one to talk to…wait a minute.

Nag was supposed to follow my orders…at least I think that’s how it works. So what if I ordered him to speak?

“Worth a shot. Nag, huc venire." Within a few moments of letting out the call, the golden snake came slithering out between a pair of barrels. I can say that he works fast if the rat’s tail sticking out of his mouth was any indication. With a simple head toss, the poor rodent disappeared down the serpent’s throat, never too be seen again.

I consider it progress that I didn’t immediately throw up. I might beat this phobia yet.

I held out my hand. Without any prompting Nag crawled onto it, looking up at me with his black slitted eyes. I searched that lexicon he put in my head and found the one word I was looking for.

“Loquere.”

“FINALLY!”

Let me be perfectly clear. I never actually believed it would work. It was more an excuse to delay barrel counting than anything else. So the fact that I screamed like a little girl and chucked Nag into the nearest wall is understandable. Right?

Oh, and I literally felt him crashing into the concrete so it wasn’t like I went unpunished for it.

“Son of a…” The snake groaned and fixed with a glare that was…well…venomous. It hurt almost as much as my head from…whatever made me feel the impact. I noted for future reference that Nag and I apparently shared pain…or at least he shared his pain with me. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Uhh…you startled me,” I admitted meekly. At least no one was around to see it. Besides Nag.

“Startled you…of all the people I had to get stuck with…” Muttering what I was sure was a string of obscenities; he slithered over to my leg and started climbing up. In all my life I have never had to so strongly repress the urge to scream and go curl up in a corner. “Alright, let’s try this again.” The serpent began running down my left arm which I took as a cue to hold out my hand. He coiled up in my palm staring at me with the temperament of a cat who is tired of being petted and will scratch at any moment. “What the hell took you so long? I’ve been stuck on your arm for a month!”

“Uhh…” Having something you’ve been wearing as jewelry ask you a question, in a very forceful tone no less, was not something the mind could easily process. Apparently mine was taking too long for the scaly little bastard since he rolled his eyes at me.

“Whatever, I guess it doesn’t matter. I’m going to eat more rats.” He spring-boarded off my hand and sped off towards the nearest shelf.

“Hey! Nag, wait a second!” He stopped and tried to set me on fire with his eyes. Or freeze me to death. Hard to tell with his reptilian eyes.

“My name is not Nag you idiot!” he spat. “Honestly, I thought it would be obvious!”

“Well I guess there’s just something I’m missing then,” I said, advancing on him. Letting him speak was starting to look like one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made.

“Hmm, perhapsss I ssshould give you a hint. What do you think ssstupid?” he said with a dopey expression. It reminded me of what I had to go through to get the little…

“Atheris.”

“In the flesh!” he proclaimed proudly. He looked so smug with his little face tilted upward in what he probably thought was a regal expression. It disappeared pretty quick when he heard the sheath to my dagger hit the floor. “Hey, let’s not be too has-ACK!” I grabbed the little bitch by the throat and slammed him against the nearest shelf, holding the blade right in front of his eye. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

“You tried to kill me.” I moved the point closer, channeling every threatening scene I could recall from movies. “I want to know why. NOW!”

“Take it easy with that thing!” He wrapped the rest of himself around my wrist, attempting to crush it to free himself. I gave him a squeeze, ignoring the pressure it put on my own neck.

“That is not an answer.” He opened his mouth for another remark. I shut him up with a growl. I have to admit, I was better at this whole intimidation thing than I thought.

“Well…it was nothing personal you understand. Just business.” I tightened my grip, intending to crush him if it got me my answer. “IF YOU KILL ME YOU’LL DIE TOO!”

If you ever need a sentence that will make someone stop strangling you…

“What?” I let up on him a bit, giving him more room to speak.

“Quite a grip you have there,” he muttered before clearing his throat. “Remember when I first crawled onto your wrist back at the temple? Well when that happened our souls…well, your soul and whatever the hell I have, became bound. Notice that pressure on your neck when you were choking me?” My eyes slowly opened wider as I put the pieces together. “Yeah, you feel all the pain I do. And if I pass on…” He trailed off. It would have been more ominous if I wasn’t one hundred percent sure what the consequences were.

“What happens if I die?”

“I have to serve whoever killed you. It’s pretty standered stuff for cursed jewelry,” he said with an attempt at a shrug.

“And I’m guessing that pain thing is a one way street?” He nodded, grinning widely. “Dammit.” I dropped him before walking off to take in the fact that I’d been screwed over by some god I’d never met.

Or had I…

“Tell me why you tried to kill me.” Atheris let out a short laugh at my demand.

“In case you don’t recall, you ended up killing me!” His voice was laced with what I’ll admit was justified anger. “My reasons are my own! I’m not telling you anything!”

“Oh yes you are.” Now it was my turn to smirk.

“Really? And how do you plan on making me? You can’t touch me without…” His sentence dropped off, forgotten and he put it all together. “Don’t. You. DARE!”

“Dic mihi cur me temptabant interficere.”

“Because you smelled bad. DAMMIT!” He went off on a stream of high speed cursing in Latin. I won’t repeat it because…I didn’t exactly catch all of it, but I’m pretty sure he said something about me being descended from a pile of crocodile dung…among other things…

“You attacked me because I smelled bad?” I know I hadn’t showered in a few days when I went into the temple, but that was hardly something to kill me over. “Explica ulterius.”

“You stank of something foul. Evil. Like a demon or something…else. I’m not exactly sure. STOP DOING THAT!”

“No I won’t.” It was a little…strange having control of someone like this. It was one thing when he was just a piece of jewelry, but now that I knew he was sentient…it was a bit of a power trip. “You can bitch and moan all you want, but I’m in charge here. Dic quare mortis daemon ut olfactus.”

“Because I’ve met demons before. It is generally a good idea to kill them before they kill you. And if someone was consorting with demons then they fall under the same category.” He let out a scream of rage. “I SWEAR TO WHATEVER GODS ARE LISTENING, I WILL FEED YOU YOUR OWN TAIL!”

“No you won’t. My guess is you can’t do anything that will harm me directly. Is that right?” He remained silent. “Thought so. Dic quid primum in templo.”

“Sometimes Gods want to get involved in things, but want to do so without risking angering anyone established in the world. So they’ll place items like me around, little things that won’t affect much, but will at least let them feel like they’re doing something.” He let out a sigh. “Granted, they usually don’t make those objects sentient. Or promise their guardians eternity in paradise if they watch the thing for a few thousand years and then SHOVE THEIR ESSENCE INSIDE IT WHEN THEY DIE!”

“Ouch.” Now that was a dick move on a cosmic scale. “Sounds like we’ve both been screwed over by the divine.”

“Yeah, they tend to do that.” He rubbed his temples with the tip of his tail. “Look, I’m sorry I tried to eat you, alright? Old habits and all.”

“Yeah…well I’m sorry I did kill you…kind of.” I laughed a little. “Some guardian by the way. You protected that bracelet for thousands of years and you get wasted by a novice? Were you having an off day or what?”

“I was a giant snake,” he deadpanned. “I come out of the wall, hiss a little, maybe nick some fur here and there, and most ‘adventurers’ run screaming back the way they came. I’ve only had to fight maybe…two hundred people? And all of them were idiots to attack a giant snake in the first place!”

“Good point.” I’d never really thought about it before, but the guys you play in RPGs are kind of suicidal aren’t they? Going around specifically looking for monsters to slay. Even with all that power, one wrong move…

“Oh, and having scales just a level below dragon helps too,” he said proudly. “Where did you get that sword by the way?”

“Ren gave it to me. I have no idea where he-”

The creak of a door being opened stopped our conversation. The whistling of a certain thief drifted through the air as she came down the stairs. For some reason, I didn’t want people to know I was wearing a talking snake on my wrist…at least, not until I knew them better. It just seemed like one of those things that would work better when kept under wraps.

“Somnum,” I whispered, just loud enough for Atheris to hear. Without a single word of complaint (not giving him any time to react helped) he zipped over to me, back up my body, and onto my wrist, locking back into bracelet form with a small click. “Hey Fault. What’s up?”

“Just came down to make sure you hadn’t died down here,” the unicorn said as she made her way over to me. “You finished yet?”

“Umm…yeah.” What? They’d already done it a few days ago. Who cares if I skipped out on my ‘training’. I’m convinced hazing would be a more appropriate term. “Everything appears to be in order.”

“Great!” Her eyes darted to the floor. “Umm…why is your hand off?”

“What?” I looked around and spied the fake hand I’d grown so used to wearing lying in the dust. “Umm…right…I’ll just…” Without a word, I walked over, picked it up, and put it back into place while the unicorn glared at me suspiciously.

“Okay…anyway, there’s a poker game going on upstairs. You in?”

“Umm…sure. Why not?” Anything to get out of the basement. “We playing for money?”

“Of course. It’s no fun otherwise.” A fiendish grin appeared on her face. “So…how much would I have to win to hire you?”

“What?” I nearly tripped, causing her to burst into laughter. “…You’re never going to let me forget it, are you?”

“Not as long as you wear pants,” she said simply. “Come on. Robin made bean dip and I want to get there before Crisp eats it all again.” I sighed and sped up the catch the unicorn who had bounded up the stairs whistling a tune I swore I’d heard before, but couldn’t remember where…

“Poker huh? You any good?”

Not really. But I don’t have that much money to lose anyway so…

…

Oh Lord.

You can talk inside my head?

“I can talk inside your head.”

Worst. Decision. EVER!

Author's Notes:

So...I haven't updated in about two months...sorry about that...

Anyway, there are a few things I should go over really quick:

1. I went back and replaced all the asterisk lines with page breaks. This is more of a cosmetic change than an important one, but the story looks nicer for it.

2. I deleted the vision of the future chapter. Plans change, so...there you go. I might do another one at some point.

3. I took out everything relating to that magic ring. I thought about it and realized that there was no good reason to give Khajiit access to magic. So I took that scene out and replaced it with the one above.

4. I rewrote the fight scene in the third chapter and a little bit of dialog in the fourth. It doesn't really affect the story at all, it was more of a personally thing after a friend of mine (Forevermore) brought up that the scene was a little unrealistic. So, for better or worse, there's my attempt to fix it.

5. The reason part of this chapter was a repeat is...well, I just wanted to use that scene at the top. The next chapter will be entirely unseen content.

And...I think that's it...if I forgot something I'll just put into the notes on the next chapter...which hopefully will be out sooner. I'm sorry for the wait and I hope you don't hate me for it.