[Triton Flats]

Jack and Wilhelm both stepped out of a portal of darkness and found themselves back atop the Grabba. That little misadventure with Vash was interesting, especially considering it brought up some very important issues to them, like how they ended up here in the first place.

“So we’re Displaced hm?” Jack mused as he held up Vash’s bullet token, which Jack was carefully marking in his Echo as a special item rather than a normal bullet.

“Guess so, considering we kinda fit the bill. Went to a con, wound up in another universe as who we were dressed as. Sort of anyhow.” Wilhelm commented as he strode over the empty roof of the Grabba and scooped up a couple of stupid light-bending prisms. “Okay, got the-.”

“WHERE WERE YOU?!” John screamed over the Echo, causing both Jack and Wilhelm to wince. “You completely vanished off the face of Elpis! What the hell happened?!”

“Geez, lower it bro! We were sucked through an interdimensional gateway by someone from another universe we accidentally summoned-”

“That Jack accidentally summoned.” Wilhelm insisted, getting shot by Jack and chuckling as his shield just took it.

“Fuck you, and since he was about to die in the vacuum, he reverse-summoned back to his world, but since we were so close, he dragged us with him.” Jack explained as he led the leap off the roof and down to the garage.

“Oh. Great. Now we have to deal with class-10 wormholes potentially snatching you two up? Damn it, Angel-.”

“Frequently dad. Potentially frequently. The signatures I’m reading from Jack and Wilhelm are beyond anomalous.” Angel informed. “For reference uncle Jack, that means you and Wilhelm are a draw for the fabric of space-time.”

“Which would explain why Vash could even accidentally take us with him.” Wilhelm mused, getting an affirmative hum from Angel.

“Pretty much, if you were anyone without any lingering magical transit residue on your essence, then the despawn wouldn’t have taken you with him.” Angel said factually, and Jack was rubbing his temples as they walked into the atmo of the garage and Wilhelm set about getting their preferred green zoomie ready.

“Ugh...I’m an Arcanotech Engineer, not a Space-Time Analyst. I didn’t have the patience for that course.” Jack groaned as the zoomie spawned and he climbed into the driver's seat while Wilhelm got into the turret.

“Don’t worry Jack, Angel has so many doctorates I’m surprised she isn’t the head of a university.” John said proudly, getting a whiny ‘dad~’ from Angel in the background. “Alright, so there’s nothing that can really be down about your dimensional instability, we’ll have to live with it. Otherwise you two have only been gone for about half an hour.”

“Really? I figured we were over there for about an hour or so.” Wilhelm commented as Jack drove them out onto the flats and towards the gate.

“Try not to think of time differences between universes, it’s beyond pointless.” Angel commented, and the two decided to silently agree on the matter.

It didn’t take long to return to the gate where they murdered the claptrap, and Jack hailed the scavs on the console again. “Oi, who is it? That you two we sent to kill some Darksiders?”

“Yep, got the prisms.” Wilhelm said as he took the three triangular blocks of glass and put them under a digiscanner, and it quickly transferred them to the other end of the connection.

“Ah, right, that’s them. Got a bit o’ blood on em too, good on ya! We’d let ya through this way, but the damn thing’s jammed on this side too. But we will give ya an alternate entrance. Just say the password, its ‘arrr’ like a good old fashioned space pirate, got it? ‘Arrr’!”

“Yeah, yeah, got it.” Jack said before hanging up and their Echos both lit up with a new waypoint that was just around the bend. It was a thankfully smooth ride, it seemed Nisha and Aurelia had been busy with the scavs in the area, considering there were zoomie wrecks and blood and guts everywhere, the only bump was some rathyds that swarmed the buggy as they pulled up to the gate provided by the waypoint.

“Damn flying rats. They’re almost as bad as the rakks down on Pandora.” Wilhelm grumbled as the rocket pods he launched from the turret rapidly sought out and utterly erased the nuisances from existence.

“They’re pretty much the same really, just different biomes. The shuggurath are their hives like the unnamed rakk hives are for the rakk.” Jack commented as he got out of the zoomie since it was clear now, and he approached the gate and activated the Echo Comm. “Arrr!”

“Whut? Sounds like someone just said the password, guess I’ll just let ya in without bothering to double-check.” A scav gave in reply, and shortly the gate opened up, giving access to a pit of lava that thankfully had a jump pad to cross with.

At least for most people they’d be thankful. “Nope! NOPE! So much nope! Not this shit again!” Jack turned around to leave, only to get shoved backwards through the low-grav environment and onto the pad that proceeded to launch Jack across the chasm. “FUCK YOU WILHELM~!”

“Totally worth whatever bullshit he puts me through later.” Wil chuckled as he jumped onto the pad and was thusly launched at the same speed and distance as Jack was, who was of course, crying in a panicking heap at the destination point, which Wil barely managed to avoid landing on him with a little extra boost provided by his Oz kit.

“You seein’ this Red?” A sudden voice over the Echo got their attention though, preventing the usual scenario.

“Sure am Belly!” A higher-pitched voice replied.

“Those ain’t scavs that’s for sure!” At Belly’s words, all the nearby scavs started firing at Jack and Wil, who quickly moved to the nearest cover.

“Means we’ve got a tea party to host!” Red said out of nowhere.

“No! What? No! That means we’ve gotta kill ‘em!” The scavs seemed to redouble their efforts at Belly reinforcing his point, and Jack almost didn’t have time to peek his head from behind cover as he sniped one of the aggressors.

“Oh, right. What you said. Get ‘em lads!” Red finished, and really, that back-and-forth was unnecessary, since their underlings had obviously taken initiative.

“What the hell?! We did as that scav asked, why are they shooting at us?!” Jack complained as he managed to snipe another enemy with his combat rifle. It had no scope, but the targets were closing in and for a Jakobs, range meant nothing.

“Sometimes there’s just no communication between scum Jack. Figured that debacle on Presidium would’ve told you that.” Wilhelm groused as he used the Glitch Snipe he got from Jack to help take out the ridiculous number of scavs practically pouring out from the buildings up on the cliff. “Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’m running low on air.”

“Same, we’ll have to dash for that small shack there for the atmo.” Jack agreed, before bolting from cover with Wilhelm, both letting their shields take damage as they dove into the atmosphere of the small building seconds before their Oz kits could fail on them. “I have got to get us better Oz kits.”

“Agreed. If I was a robot I wouldn’t even need air.” Wilhelm complained as he and Jack leaned out of the open wall of the building and continued firing at their encroaching opponents. “Aw shit! That one’s got a rocket strapped to his back!”

“Fucking suiciders! I hate New-U sometimes!” Jack screamed as he focused fire on the incoming suicide-bomber, who despite taking constant bullets and his shields falling fast, the psychotic roo merely laughed maniacally as he got closer.

“Nukem!” Wilhelm shouted as he whipped out the legendary rocket launcher, and fired it at the feet of the incoming death, that exploded vibrantly along with the nuke-like special rocket the orange launcher had fired. “We’ve got to break this defense or they’ll just keep us pinned here!”

“Was that a volunteer I heard?” Jack asked as he threw a longbow grenade down the bridge spanning the spires coming out of the lava far below, blasting several scavs off of it and screaming into the fiery death awaiting them in the chasm.

“You jackass. Don’t you dare.” Wilhelm growled as he also threw a grenade, this one being a transfusion that thankfully distracted the scavs for a moment.

“Protocol T-575-Wall!”

“You...ass!” Wilhelm growled as his augments began glowing blue and his shield overcharged. “This freaking hurts damn it!” Wilhelm shouted as he charged out of the atmo and into the raging silent vacuum, his shield taking all the damage as he used his shotgun to mow down anyone that got close enough, clearing the bridge and Jack followed, where they both took a jump pad up to the cliff.

“Don’t worry Wil, I’ll give you some augments later!” Jack said as he mowed down a group of scavs with his Vladof TMP pistol, taking some pressure off of Wilhelm.

“You’d fucking better! Asshole, taking admin privileges over my systems!” Wilhelm shouted as he promptly charged into a group of scavs that refused to move, and he bowled them over like they were a bunch of yard ball pins. “Time to finish this!” Wilhelm roared as a couple of huge roos, about the size of Deadlift, jumped down from atop the last building in their way to Crisis Scar, and they aimed huge shotguns at him.

One of them shot at him, his overcharged shields absorbing the shot, allowing Wilhelm a second of thought before he jumped at the roo and smashed his helmet open with his organic fist before taking out his shotgun and shooting the roo in the face, killing it. The other roo took aim at Wilhelm and fired, only for him to use the downed badass as a meatshield before chucking it at the roo. The attack was easily dodged by the badass, but not Wilhelm’s following uppercut with his mechanical arm, nor the shotgun to the family jewels that the roo’s thick spacesuit couldn’t pad enough.

Wilhelm then extended his arm out to grab the roo’s head and slam it into the ground, dazing the roo long enough for Wil to crush it’s helmet and head underneath his robotic boot. Wilhelm then let out an almost primal scream of rage, causing the current fight to cease momentarily since they could all hear it, even through the muffle of the nearly-airless vacuum of Elpis.

“ALL OF YOU FUCKERS ARE GOING TO DIE!” Wilhelm yelled as his shogun glowed yellow.

“He got Kicks and Skids! Run!” One of the scavs screamed in panic, and the crooks all promptly began leaping away, their kangaroo leg-strength letting them leap straight out of the chasm and escape, while the bodies of those with Medivac access digitized and vanished, including the two badasses, Kicks and Skids apparently, that Wilhelm had just slaughtered.

“Dude...I haven’t seen you lose it like that since our recent jobs down on Pandora.” Jack chuckled as he remotely deactivated Wilhelm’s tiring and painful Termination Protocol.

“Fuck. You.” Wilhelm said, venom practically dripping from his mouth. “I swear, the second I get a chance to shut you out, I’m doing it.”

“The only reason you didn’t kill me outright was because of the admin takeover I did. I just can’t believe we’re friends after that. Or that I can’t rescind my admin access.” Jack grumbled, annoyed that for some reason he couldn’t fix it. “It’s cyclical bullshit, I’m a hardware guy, software’s still iffy for me.”

“Meh, same. Making Wolf and Saint was mostly luck and a bit of magic.” Wilhelm reminded as he groaned and Jack helped him up the steps and into the building connecting the chasm behind them and Crisis Scar, where the old Dahl Relay sat. “Let’s not do that again, alright? Especially not soon, I’d probably die from the stress.”

“Duly noted. Do you need a break Wil?” Jack asked, only for them to feel the shuddering impact of Helios’ laser again. “We...have a day or two….”

“No time! Angel?” John suddenly injected via Echo.

“Sending care package.” Angel intoned, and the nearby New-U modified Medivac sparked before digistructing something not usually within it’s parameters, and a small crate was the result. “It’s got some first aid and energy stimulants that would make a hibernating skag jump ten feet and instantly maul the first thing it sees.”

“Ah...so caffeine injections? Sweet, could use some of those.” Wilhelm said as he and Jack opened up the small crate, revealing a few hypo needles of clear liquid caffeine, and a few cans of something that made Jack and Wil’s eyes sparkle.

“And at my dad’s insistence, some taurine-heavy energy drinks.” Angel said with an air of annoyance.

“Bro, you care so much.” Jack grinned as he took a can of BLAMMO energy drink, a Torgue Brand that was both energizing, and if shaken and thrown, a bomb at the same time. Shit was awesome! And it tasted like cherries and lime. But was extremely rare due to how dangerous it was and was illegal in most civilized systems, but Torgue refused to remove the explosive properties since they worked so hard to make a safe-to-ingest liquid explosive that would denature on contact with organic matter. Honestly, it was the fault of a little brat who decided to shake and throw one at his neighbor.

“Never say I don’t okay kiddo? You two revitalize and get that relay down, the sooner we can get contact with Pandora and beyond the better.” John then hung up and the two mercs shook themselves and ran out the other end of the building even as a Fast Travel woke up as they passed.

[Crisis Scar]

The instant they got outside, they jumped over a pool of methane and ignored the cryo kraggons that gave chase, but the rock monsters gave up as they rounded the bend and came within sight of the massive relay dish. “Whoa...that’s like...the second biggest communications relay we’ve had to shut down.” Jack commented.

Before Wilhelm could say anything, a new voice called out to them over short-range Echo. “Oi! OI~! O’er ‘ere~!” Wilhelm about had an aneurism at the mere sound of his voice, and the two friends turned to the left to see a tall man wearing a drinking hat and fully kitted in a scav’s spacesuit otherwise, waving to them enthusiastically. “C’mon then! I need help wit sumthin’!”

“Aw fuck no. Please let’s ignore him. For once, dear god, please let’s ignore him.” Wilhelm begged. “You know how I am about unreasonable drunks, and you know what I’m going to do the second he starts acting like a dick.”

“Ah’ll pay ya! Ah’m too damn worried ‘bout mah friend an’ too sloshed to go lookin’ fer ‘im meself!” The scav called further, and Jack was twisted up about what to do.

“Jack. You know what’s going to happen.” Wilhelm warned. “I can already get a read on this scav, and I REALLY don’t like them.”

“Ah’ll throw in sum Moonstones!” The scav called out again, and Jack groaned as he started walking towards the scav and his little house nestled on a cliff overlooking the lava-bottomed gorge between it and the relay, Wilhelm growling as he reluctantly followed, then turned around.

“No. Not on your life, Jack. I refuse to enable a drunk.” WIlhelm stated angrily. “You waste your time, but finish up before I get the door open, otherwise I’m coming over here and doing it.”

“Fine, fuck, geez. I’m sure he’s got Medivac, he has to, I doubt a drunken wastrel like Peepot would even survive on Elpis without an account.” Jack rolled his eyes and jumped towards the rather aptly named drunkard while Wilhelm jumped across the great fissure towards the relay and the gate back out to the Triton Flats.

“Oh, thank goodness. Ah need ya to find me friend. He’s a her, unless...she’s a him...a-anyway. She calls herself the Jolly Swagman, and he don’t got Medivac. Please, go find her.” Peepot implored, and Jack sighed as he jumped towards the ridge past Peepot’s home, quickly finding what he expected, Jolly’s corpse sleeping at the base of a giant cryo vine. “There she is! Reckon he’s sleeping?” Peepot asked over Echo, how people somehow get audio/video through his Echo, Jack had no damn clue despite his skill with tech.

“Oh no, definitely dead.” Jack commented sarcastically.

“Oh...shame that...mind if ya search her body? Find out what led to this sorry story?” Peepot insisted, and Jack kicked the body over, revealing an Echo recorder, and promptly picked it up.

“I’ve been all walk-about, as far as Vorago Solitude. There I did see it, a Jumbuck! So I did chase ‘im, and throttled ‘im, and stowed ‘im away in me tucker-bag! And it was there, that I saw a great, empty Billabong gaping open, bright purple light come shootin’ out of it! But when I came back, done lost me tucker-bag in the gorge, blasted kraggons! Go there Peepot! You’ll see me words be true! I’m tired, reckon I might...just die now….”

“Heavens, he got moon-stroke the poor bugger! Nobody goes as far out as Vorago Solitude without going all nutter. Must’ve been wanderin’ about muttering nonsense til the end. Shame that. But why not investigate that there crack for his tucker-bag? Somethin’ to remember her by.” Peepot added on, and Jack sighed as he dashed to the fissure, and leaped down to the small bit of land next to the lava on the other side, quickly swiping up a tucker-bag, and running before the kraggons could finish getting out of the lava.

“I’ve got the tucker bag-.”

“Tucker-bag! It’s one word!” Peepot corrected incorrectly.

“No it-fuck it, whatever, I’m coming back.” Jack groused as he ran up the ridge, the kraggons giving up as he got further away from their lava homes. “Here, fucking take it.” Jack growled, the drunk barely scrambling to grab onto the squirming sack.

“Whoa, who’re you? And what’s in this? Why would she put somethin’ still alive in his tucker-bag?” Peepot asked as he opened the sack, and out poked the head of something that looked like a kraggon, but clearly wasn’t. “Whoa! WHOA! It’s a Jumbuck! They do exist!” The drunkard cheered as he held out a deceptively adorable rock creature from the sack, it’s long tapered tail wagging. “It probably thinks I’m it’s mum! It’s stupid, I don’t look nothin’ like it! But….” Peepot put the critter down, and it giddily scampered into his house, immediately making a mess. “But...if the Jumbuck’s real...then is there really somethin’ like all that out in Vorago Solitude? A giant empty Billabong, all gaping open with purple light shootin’ out of-?”

Right then, Peepot’s head exploded and his body fell to the ground, revealing Wilhelm, who was holding his red-glowing glitch shotgun behind the corpse.

“You fucking drunk ass bitch.” Wilhelm snarled at the corpse. “Sending my friend on a pointless quest just because you were lazy. Of all the types of drunks out there, you’re the ONE type I hate. I’m honestly wondering why this hasn’t happened before now.” Wilhelm then directed his gaze away from the corpse as it digistructed for Medivac. “Yo, John, Angel. Wanna check to see if a ‘Peepot’ has an account with New-U?”

“Well, the Medivacs on Elpis might have the New-U software update, but they’re still Dahl tech. The short answer is yes, but we can’t remove someone’s account, not without the Corporation Police coming down on us faster than the hand of god.” Angel commented. “It’s one of the greatest crimes in the galaxy.”

“Can ya set him back, at least?” Wilhelm asked. “I really don’t want to see his ass anytime soon.”

“I can do you one better, I can reroute his spawn from Crisis Scar to say, the Dust down on Pandora, or even to someplace completely remote, like the swamps of Hermes.” Angel informed. “Erasing someone from existence through New-U completely? That’s a crime. Sending them somewhere else? Not really.”

“... I’ve got one better. Aren’t there some caverns down beneath that one city on Pandora?” Wilhelm commented. “What’s it called again, Sanctuary? Yeah, that’s the place. Locals call the place the Caustic Caverns. I remember seeing a Medivac or two down there. Can ya put him down there… then lock him out?”

“We can’t lock people out either, but we can put him down there. He’d be unable to leave though, and you only have an hour before he respawns, and he won’t transmit down there with the relay still jamming signals from leaving Elpis.” Angel informed, and Wilhelm turned to Jack, who was holding the Jumbuck, and actually petting it as it’s tail wagged.

“Jack.”

“Wil, please no.”

“Jack.”

“Please, Wil. Don’t do it. I like the little guy.”

“Not what I mean.” Wilhelm said as he picked up Jack and held him above his head. “System lock out, authorization W6.”

“W-what?! No! Put us down! I rescind that lockout!” Jack squealed as Wilhelm ran towards the cliff. “Save me Jumbuck!” Jack squealed as he hugged the rock creature to his chest, the little thing grabbing his head in mutual fear as Wilhelm jumped over the highest part of the fissure and boosted to the spire halfway across, and then jumped again to the other side, where Wilhelm promptly dropped Jack and Jumbuck to the ground, both hugging and and shivering.

“Geez, guess the little fella is a good fit for you. Better connect him to your account so he doesn’t die prematurely Jack, do it at a Medivac as we fight our way in.” Wilhelm said as he started moving towards the relay.

“I fucking hate you….” Jack whimpered as he petted his new pet Jumbuck. “I’ll name you….” Jack checked between the thing’s hind legs, and nodded. “Jewel.” The newly-named Jewel, which was a good name due to her cracks glowing purple like amethyst, made a sort of woofing sound and smacked her tail happily into the ground.

“Keep her out of the line of fire, let’s go.” Wilhelm insisted, and shot the head off a scav that was casually chatting up his fellow scavs outside the relay’s walls.

Author's Notes:

And we're back, I'm out of my funk now that I've cried myself witless several days straight over my grandpa dying, and I need to get back to writing, all my stories seem to be stagnating, which is no good.

DJ's been immensely supportive, I don't think I would be back at it so soon without his support.

Have a Jumbuck.