[Helios Station]

“Alright, let’s do this. Maybe we can get a head start on Jack, ey buddy?” Wilhelm asked to the air. “... Buddy?...” Wilhelm looks around, only to find no sign of Fragtrap. “... Shit.” He tried to hail them on the Echo. “... Fuck, that’s dead.”

Wherever the New-U sent him, this was a rather swank place considering it was still in pieces. He could still see exposed wiring and pipes in the walls… Actually, scratch that, an entire section of hallway to his left wasn’t even finished, a movable O2 barrier being the only reason why he wasn’t getting the readings of a Vacuum.

Suddenly, the door around the corner to his right shut. “The hell was that?” He asked himself as he turned the corner to check… Only to have a large, white, busty alicorn slam into him.

“Oof! Out of my way, you- AH! MERCENARY!” The alicorn, who was now on her ass shouted at him before pinning him against the wall with magic. “I will not perish here, mercenary. Who do you work for?! Who sent you?! I’ll send you their head, you-”

“I work for Luna, and I can tell you’re trying to crush my neck with magic.” Wilhelm said as he started pushing against her magic with some effort. It was obvious she thought he was a normal pony, and not an android… as he was. “Can you stop it with the fucking magic now?”

Celestia stood in stunned silence for a moment, then dropped her magic without a word. “... What kind of mercenaries did my sister hire? How much did you cost?!” Her last question was coated with a hint of disgust, as if she absolutely abhorred the idea of her sister hiring mercenaries of what she presumed was a high caliber.

“Well, my contract was two million. Couldn’t say about the others.” Wilhelm said as he dusted himself off a bit. “Speaking of, you wouldn’t have happened to have seen a modified Claptrap and another unicorn, have you?”

“What? No. I’ve been running from Dahl soldiers, and I only recently lost them. There’s been nobody in this hallway other than myself so far.” Celestia informed him, looking back from where she came with concern. “I wish I’d brought my shield and sidearm at the least, but I hadn’t thought I would be in any danger.”

“Oh really. When you were down on Pandora sitting in your bed and looking up at the sky, what the fuck did you think the laser hitting the moon was about?” Wilhelm asked sarcastically.

“... Mining operations? Scav removal?” Celestia answered with a shrug.

The android immediately facepalmed. “You can’t be this fucking dense.”

“No, just uninformed. I’ll have you know that I don’t exactly have time to deal with the matters of my sister’s moon while I am ruling over my section of Pandora.” Celestia explained with crossed arms and a disapproving glare.

As she continued on with her lecture, Wilhelm tuned her out and took this opportunity to have a good look at her. She seemed similar to her sister, if not a bit… larger. She was certainly a bit taller, but her proportions seemed to be a bit… ‘fluffier’ as well. Her bust and rather large behind both luckily helped to accentuate her tight, black dress that hugged her form in all the right ways. After what felt to Wilhelm like thirty minutes, but was actually about a few minutes of just looking at her, she finally realized he wasn’t listening and started waving her arms at him. “Hmm? What’s up? I spaced out for a moment there.”

“Were you even listening to what I was saying?” Celestia fumed, her face getting a bit flushed.

“I heard the start of it, then I tuned you out when you started getting all ‘high and mighty’ on me.” Wilhelm stated flatly, a blank glare on his face.

“I-!... I just realized that I got a bit preachy there… I apologize.” Celestia said as she looked down, her face now a brilliant pink. “We really must get going, though, before the Dahl soldiers-.”

“I think I hear her this way!” Came the cry of a Legion soldier.

“Move!” Wilhelm commanded as he grabbed Celestia’s arm and started running away from the direction of the voice.

“But that is the way of the unfinished-”

“It’ll have to do, Princess.”

[Helios Commons]

After a good bit of running, Wilhelm stopped them. Celestia was breathing heavily, partially because during the time they were running, Wilhelm had to drag them through a non-ventilated section of the unfinished commons, which unlike the rest of Helios was using hexagonal structuring more than the traditional rectangular structure. According to the signs, this place was meant to become a residential area.

“Are you quite done?! Thanks to your lack of warning, I nearly suffocated back there!” Celestia yelled at the android. “What do you have to say for yourself?” Celestia demanded as she caught her breath.

“What a fine thank you.” Wilhelm stated dryly. “I ran us through that because while there’s oxygen on either side of that gap, you can’t transmit sound through the vacuum, and I don’t know about you, but there’s a jammer blocking my Echo, making it impossible for them to hear me.” He let go of her arm and started walking further into the commons. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

Celestia stood slack jawed at how Wilhelm has treated her. It was certainly a far cry from how her subjects treat her back in her country on Pandora. “Where do you get off speaking to a Princess like this?” She asked a bit more casually. “I haven’t had anyone speak to me like that other than my parents.”

“Yeah? Sounds like shit. Everyone needs a good slap to the ego every now and then.” Wilhelm said, just as dryly.

“Ego?! Excuse you. I am-”

Wilhelm whipped around and punched a dent into one of the finished walls. “Do not start that shit again with me unless you want me to abandon your ass here.” Wilhelm growled at the princess. “So long as I’m stuck with you, I’m gonna have to keep you safe. That means do not hold your ‘authority’ above me, because right now, it does not exist. I am saving your ass from people who care even less about who you are, so do not give me a reason to care as little as they do. Am I understood?”

“Y-yes. You are understood quite clearly.” She stammers, his speech having been a shock to her system. Celestia paused with a mixture of fear and silent awe for how well the stallion was composing himself in such a situation. She silently thought to herself that if he was down on Pandora, he would have made for one great warlord that would probably rival her own nation all on his own… Nah, he’d probably just be one of the tyrants that went crazy and killed all his subjects or turned them into psychos.

“Come on, this way” Wilhelm ordered, waving towards one of the more finished-looking hallways. “This looks better than the rest of the hallways. If it’s like I think it is, there should be a Fast Travel somewhere along the way.”

“Or it could be a respawn station that the workers used just in case something happened.” Celestia snarked, already disliking being stuck with this stallion.

“Yes, but there’s also the fact that we passed by one a ways back, and they would have built outwards. So either we’re nearing an elevator or we’re nearing a fast travel.” Wilhelm said, flexing his basic knowledge of construction.

“There they are!” Came a shout from behind them, and they quickly began running again, this time bullets ricocheting off of the floor and walls around them as they fled. They rounded a bend and fell into an elevator shaft. Luckily for them, it had no gravity in it, nor did it have elevator cars, allowing Wilhelm to quickly switch out his legs and jet them upwards. Thankfully there were utility signs painted already indicating what floor they were on, and the shaft started looking more complete the further up they went. Seems the residential area was suspended off the 'ceiling' somewhere in Helios, instead of built on the ‘ground’. Fast Travel and New-U. What miracles to building design.

The two stopped on the topmost floor, with Wilhelm switching his legs back so they could walk along as normal. “Alright. We have to get moving, but it’s unlikely those Legion morons are likely to find us that fast.” Wilhelm said as he started walking on without her.

“How did-how did you manage that?” Celestia asked as she ran to catch up, confused as to what the fuck just happened.

“Well, technically speaking, I am an android. I used to be a cyborg, but thanks to an alternate version of John with a lot more resources, I have been turned into a biomechanical android. He’s even given me parts I can swap out with a built-in digistruct system.” Wilhelm explained before stopping for a moment to smirk at her. “And before you say something, yes, my dick still works.” He then continues walking, leaving a blushing Celestia behind him.

“I-I wasn’t thinking anything like that!” She lied. Her thoughts earlier had indeed gone over how he would have most likely been a stallion in her bedchambers at some point, considering her other would be suitors. Damn him! Uncouth mercenary!

Wilhelm turned a corner and looked back, only to see Celestia still paused a good ways back. “Hey, are you coming? This section is actually complete.” He looked back down the corner he had turned, then back at her. “There’s some vending machines up ahead. Maybe we could get some coffee or something. Hell, the Fast Travel’s probably this way.”

“A good assumption, considering where people travel, they tend to need things.” Celestia agreed, rejoining Wilhelm and following him to a quite pleasant cafe area with several vending machines and a cafeteria line with an auto-chef boasting quite an impressive menu of options, despite how it was set up to currently digistruct meal parts, instead of using fresh items.

“Wow. This is… this is actually a good menu.” Wilhelm said as he looked over the options. “Oh shit, steak.” He then proceeded to go through the food line and order himself some digistructed steak. “Huh, they even hooked everything up. Smart construction people.”

“Would you order me some avocado whole wheat toast, a quinoa salad, and a block of tofu?” Celestia asked, trying to hide her actual thoughts on the meal.

“... You’re kidding me. Give me your actual order or you can do it yourself.” Wilhelm said as he waited for his steak and potatoes to finish cooking. They may have been digistructed in, but actual cooking is better than digistructed and spiced cooking. At least this way there was more actual flavor in the cooking, and not just the finished product without the differences cooking techniques cause. “Well?”

Celestia scowled at him for a moment, trying to outlast his glare and his will, but caved after a minute. “... Chicken-fried steak and mashed potatoes, hold the gravy.”

“A mare after my own heart.” He said casually before ordering it, then changing his own order to match it. Luckily, the robot could just dump his order into a digistructor for re-purposing the mass, so it was an easy change. The mercenary then walked over and sat at a table, then motioned for Celestia to sit across from him. “So. You and your sister are princesses. What exactly do you do?”

Celestia seemed to straighten up a bit. “Well, we rule together to help break up the executive administration of-.”

“I thought we were over this with the food. Cut the crap, what do you really do?” Wilhelm demanded, the mare glaring at him before huffing out of her nose.

“...I war with the bandit clans while Luna keeps fawning over that blasted rock below us.” Celestia grumbled with displeasure.

“There we go. Also, rock? Mind explaining what that means?” Wilhelm asked as he got up to go get the finished meals.

“Elpis is a blasted rock where no vegetation grew, even when it had its own breathable atmosphere. It was an inhospitable wasteland that made Pandora look like paradise. Methane seas regularly conjured cryo storms that swept the surface, the beasts were much more diverse and violent, and it has always been an eyesore with how it actually absorbs some of our sun’s light rather than refracting it.” Celestia snarled in disgust as Wilhelm nodded along.

“... So it was better and easier to control than that flaming ball of dirt and sand that you live on, and you’re jealous.” The android said with a smirk.

“Of course I’m jealous! She gets all the love! All the looks! I’m stuck driving a damn desk while she’s out cutting ribbons and kissing the scalps of foals!” Celestia snarled as she went off about her sister. “And to top it all off, I’m the solar princess! They hate the fucking sun beating down on their necks so much, and they fucking love when the moon comes out! When that rock, as dull as it is, helps illuminate the barren wastes without cooking them alive!”

“Wow. Sounds rough.” Wilhelm said as the robot delivered their trays of food between them.

“OF COURSE IT’S FUCKING ROUGH!” Celestia roared, before grabbing her fried steak with her hands and taking a bite out of it in frustration.

“Knife and fork, please.” Wilhelm said, giving her a look of disapproval. “I know you’re pissed, but that’s no excuse to just give the finger to manners.” Wilhelm then heard the sounds of someone fucking about in the distant elevator shaft. “... Actually fuck it, they might be coming. Eat it. Enjoy it. Then let’s fucking go.”

Celestia and Wilhelm both dug into their meals, then got up and started to run, just as the first Legion soldier showed his ugly mug. “They’re this wa-AGH!” His shout was cut short as Wilhelm shot him in the throat with a glitch Vladof pistol he had acquired in Fragtrap’s head.

“Get the lead out, Princess!” Wilhelm yelled as he went to grab her arm again, then stopped to shoot another Legion soldier in the head. “Now, please!”

“Pardon me if-*huff*-a desk job isn’t-*puff*- conductive to fitness!” Celestia complained, managing to get her big butt moving with a bit of help from her wings.

“Then get a fucking exercise bike in your office!” Wilhelm shouted as he covered their rear. Soon enough, they reached another open area, this one even had a giant ‘skylight’ window offering a view into space… Or it would have a view of space if there wasn’t an incoming squadron of Dahl jet fighters escorting a dropship. “We need to fucking move. NOW!” Wilhelm yelled as he grabbed the princess’s wrist and ran for the nearest door, just in time for the fighters to shoot out the glass and come in with the dropship.

The emergency airlock would not help as the dropship’s back end held the pneumatic blast shields open. Several Legion soldiers began pouring out of the green vehicle as it opened, all with guns trained on the two runners. They opened fire, forcing Wilhelm to shove the princess in front of him as they ran so his shield would take the bullets, instead of the currently suffocating princess. The two managed to get out just in time for the blast doors leading into the room to shut behind them.

Celestia was breathing heavily, glad for the oxygen rich atmosphere. Wilhelm tugged on her wrist again. “Come on. We don’t have time to rest. They’re likely to have a way to cut through that, or failing that, have reinforcements coming around the other way.”

“P-Please. I just… I need a moment to breathe.” Celestia begged as she held her chest tightly, tears building up in her eyes. “I can’t breathe without atmosphere like my sister… And this is all a bit much for me.”

Wilhelm looked at her for a moment, then dropped his look of urgency for a moment. He sighed as he stepped near her and picked her up. “Take a breather. I’ll get us to the Fast Travel.” He said as he began to walk, carrying the large princess bridal style and getting her to blush profusely. They remained silent as Wilhelm jogged down the hallway, eventually coming across a Fast Travel station. He set her down in front of it and got into a ready position. “Alright, try and get somewhere safe. Somewhere on the station if you must. If that’s the case, though, tell me first so I can follow after-”

“It’s not working.” Celestia stated worriedly.

“What do you mean it’s not working?” Wilhelm asked, a bit surprised.

“I mean it isn’t working. I think it isn’t fully installed, or the Fast Travel function at least wasn’t finished.” Celestia declared with her ears wilted, pointing at the red hologram of a planet with an X on it floating over that station.

“What? God damn it. If it’s working, it’s installed. That means it’s the fucking jammer.” Wilhelm said before punching the wall. “Son of a bitch. We’ll have to disable-”

“GOT ‘EM!” Cried a Legion soldier as he rounded the corner and shot blindly at the two. Luckily, most of the bullets slammed into Wilhelm’s shield and stopped on impact.

But then he got lucky as one of the bullets whizzed past Wilhelm’s head and hit Celestia. The Princess yelped as Wilhelm fired a single shot into the soldier’s head…right before Celestia instinctively teleported them away to a different section of the station.

[Totally not John’s Office]

Wilhelm and Celestia fell a foot down to the floor, as Celestia’s emergency teleport was not entirely accurate. The solar diarch crumpled onto the ground and leaned against the rather large desk next to them as she clutched her shoulder and head in pain. “Fuck me!” She cried as she held firmly onto her left shoulder, her other hand rubbing her temple and horn from the sudden teleport.

“The hell are we, anyways?” Wilhelm asked as he set about hacking into the computer set into the large desk to turn on the room's automated defenses.

“S-somewhere safe.” Celestia said through her pain. “God it hurts.” Celestia hissed, her horn sparking with her golden magic as she rubbed the long fluted bone while clutching her shoulder even harder.

“Hold on, let me get a look.” Wilhelm said as he crouched down in front of her.

“Alright, just… Tell me how bad it is.” Celestia said, wincing as she lowered her hand from her shoulder.

Wilhelm pulled out some gauze from his Echo before he looked at her injury… Then nearly facepalmed. “Oh come on. It’s not bad at all. You just-” Wilhelm suddenly heard his Echo connect to someone else.

“Hey, where the hell are you man?” Jack asked a second later, his card and Luna’s appearing on his Echo HUD.

Celestia groaned in pain before Wilhelm was able to speak. “Oh shit, hey guys.”

“Is that…Sister?” Luna asked, vaguely recognizing the mare’s voice.

“Yeah, I believe I have Celestia here with me. She got grazed and teleported us here when the New-U failed to fast travel us.” Wilhelm explained as he messed with Celestia’s ‘wound’. “Oh hold still, you didn’t even get bruised. Your shirt just got cut from the bullet.”

“Where is ‘here’?” Jack asked.

“Someone’s office. She said it would be safe and so far it has been. We’ve got turrets set up, and the door in is locked. Sadly can’t tell what’s behind it ‘cause I can’t get it open.” Wilhelm explained further. “Not that I couldn’t open it. It’s just that it’s a heavy door and I’d rather not break a lock that might be keeping us safe.”

“Understandable. Hopefully We may be able to assist later.” Luna said, her Echo Card smiling with her joy.

“Alright, catch up with you later.” Wilhelm hung up as Celestia’s whining picked up. “Oh hush. Your shirt is- Oh shit, might have gotten your bra, too. Hold on.” The android pulled out a small sewing kit (god knows when he got that), and began to quickly fix both the shirt… and somehow also the bra, all without forcing Celestia to take off her clothes. “Alright, that should do it.”

“Y-you can sew?” Celestia asked with awe, making Wilhelm blink.

“Yeah. It’s kind of a basic skill you get taught in school.” Wilhelm stated with a small ounce of pride in his voice.

“...Schools on other planets teach people how to sew?” Celestia asked in astonishment, her horn sparking again.

“Uh...yeah?” Wilhelm knew Pandora was a shithole, but they don’t have sewing as a normal skill?

“You are a bold badass that can sew. That is so hot.” Celestia declared, breathing heavier.

“... Um… Wha-.” Wilhelm was suddenly pulled into a tight hug and an equally tight kiss.

Celestia broke off the kiss a moment later and stared down at the stallion she had trapped in her bosom. “Y’know, I don’t think I’ve ever truly had a man like you in my life~.”

[Later]

Wilhelm lay on the ground, Celestia on his crotch, still. The two of them laying in the afterglow in this stranger’s office. The two certainly enjoyed each other’s company.

“Wow… I needed that. It’s been so long I might as well have somehow become a virgin again.” Celestia declared happily, making Wilhelm snort in amusement.

“Again? If that’s the case, then it must have been several thousands of years since you last had a good night.” He said with a chuckle.

“No reminding me how old I am.” Celestia joked with a playful slap at his chest.

“No reminding me how young I am in comparison.” Wilhelm said with equal humor. The two sat in silence for a moment after that, somehow not hearing as the doors to the office opened, or the people talking as they entered as Celestia sat up.

“Ready for round two, stuuuuu-” Celestia froze at realizing she was being seen, naked, by several strangers.

“Sister! Who is assaulting thine privates?!” Luna asked, a massive blush on her face as she freaked the fuck out.

… And then Wilhelm sat up.

“... I’m not apologizing.”

Author's Notes:

I Blame Duncan