The air was heavy with silence, and the soft fluttering of paper as it was perused. Celestia was a paragon of refinement, carefully peering over every letter as it passed her deft fingers. With grace befitting-

*Snort*

Quarter started, confused. What the hay was that? Celestia still read on, already on the fourth missive before she handed it back to Quarter Master to place in a tidy pile. It must have been a trick of her ears, for the room only held the two of them. Add to that, no window remained yet open to allow such a sound to enter the chamber. It must have been Quarter herself, she must have not realized it-

*pfffff*

A wary eye tracked the noise, glancing upwards. A delicate grin alit upon Celestias features, betraying her inner emotions.

“Miss?”

With a speed that was near frightening, Celestias' head whipped over to look down on Quarter Master. Her expression now held that of shock, as if surprised that she had been caught making such a crude noise.

“Are these… reports all that entertaining, miss?" Quarter asked, genuinely curious. It wasn’t her place to ask, but for her lady to make such noises over a collection of documents as serious as these tended to be was most unusual.

Celestia was silent for a few more moments, answering once she had finished poring over the letter in her grasp.

"Entertaining..." she muttered, a slight smile flitting across her lips. "I guess one could say that. These missives... mind taking a look? See if you notice anything... odd?" she asked, a sly smile curling at the corners of her mouth as she held a letter out for Quarter Master to take. She flipped the parchment around to read, scanning down the page. It was rather odd at the first glance, it didn't even look like a standard field report. In fact, it almost looked like...

"Is this... someponys letter?" Quarter asked, momentarily confused.

"It certainly looks like that, doesn't it? Celestia returned, a mischievous glint in her eye. "Makes you wonder, since last I checked the Hidden Eye didn't intercept personal letters. You should keep reading."

Dear Mayor Mare,
Just got back in town last night, and as you probably know the local party planner was throwing a bash. Heard she had one the night before...

Last nights party was... enjoyable. So sad to see that you couldn't make it, but understandable seeing as I heard Pinkie sprung back to back parties on everypony. It isn't the first time she's done this... but it does still surprise me each consecutive time.

Pies questionable soirees -even odder seeing as the guest of honor didn't even bothering to show up for the first one- aside, the stallion that Pinkie Pie was holding it for turned out to be... an unusual sort. The party started out normally, and I barely saw hide or hair from him. Wasn't looking that hard for him, to be honest. Wanted to meet him, but it wasn't my top priority. You know how I am. Honestly, I only wanted to get home and curl up with Vinyl... but one must keep up appearances.

So the night progressed and eventually I caught sight of the mysterious lad. Drunk off his rocker and belting out shanties. I think I know who was responsible for that as well. Rainbow Dash was nearby, weakly humming along when she could. Wavering about like she was ready to go down at a moments notice. I honestly couldn't tell which one of them was looking more under the weather.

So anyway, eventually one of the colts songs caught my ear. It wasn't masterfully sung, but the subject matter was more than enough to pique my interest. And after you read a few of these lines, you will most likely find it as interesting as I did.

'This man is dead, he is no more, he died a little each day. Like a thief, the chateau d'if has stolen him away.'

A verse most somber passed the lips of the new stallion as he lay down to sleep off his inebriation. A small tear rolled its way from mine eyes at the emotion in his voice, and after parsing the words he left me with my heart feels ever more burdened.

Chateau d'if. My Prench is admittedly rusty, but I remember the words for 'house' and 'of the yew' perfectly well. The house of the yew being a prominent Minotaur clan stationed within the borders of Prance, his words weave a very worrying tapestry, if only one takes the time to look.

Of course, the small line I have started with at the top of my letter might be brushed aside as mere fiddle faddle, the product of a drunken mind and be left at that. If only it was at that. If only there was not more that I have yet to write down 'pon this parchment.

'Dead and cold, the story told, by those he trusted, those he loved, and those who then moved on.'

'I am a ghost, just a mirage, who chases traces of you, dark and familiar, and deep as the sea.'

By those he loved, those he trusted, who then moved on. These words alone depict a terrifying truth of this stallions past. Was he truly a humble librarian as he claims, or was he more as I suspect? My suspicions are thus. He was involved with one or more members of the house of D'if. Whether he was a concubine of one of the line, or so removed as a true lover, his words are clear. He trusted somepony or more of the house of D'if, and they returned his faithfulness with naught but treachery.

They discarded him once they used him up and viewed him as nothing more than refuse, which would plainly explain his haggard appearance upon entering Ponyville. Despite his lack of gear or supplies, the cloth he did wear was of high quality, furthering this suspicion. We should extend a full citizenship to this 'Colt Nice Son' as soon soon as possible. If the house of D'if learns he has successfully traveled to Equestria proper, they may attempt to reclaim him as house property. As is currently their right upon a consort of their house.

I won't stand back and watch as this stallion grasps tenuously at happiness just out of reach. For his sake, I put my badge behind his reputation and vouch for him as one of mine own family.

Wishing a warm evening to my dear friend Mayor Mare,
-Baroness Octavia Melody, of the third seat of Meadow Over Yonder.

"The subject matter seems... alarming," Quarter Master admitted, slightly worried. How did the princess find something like this funny? The tale the ink on the spun felt vivid in her mind, almost tragic.

Celestia snorted in amusement, chuckling softly to herself.

"Your grace?" inquired Quarter, quirking her eyebrow in surprise.

"What? Oh, yes, sorry Quarter Master. This one, while well written, obviously has missed some important facts the author should have researched beforehoof. Such as this line regarding the minotauran house of D'if," Celestia handed down the letter, allowing Quarter to read it freely. "Anypony who kept up with recent events would surely attribute this letter as plausible fact. For one who personally helped arrange the marriage between the current head of the house of D'if and his beloved," Celestia smiled at the astonished look that passed her hoofmaidens face. While most ponies saw her as infallible, it was truly her work behind the scenes which wrought the greatest fruits. "Yes, indeed. For one who knows them personally like I do, the very idea that they would condone behavior as is hinted at within in this letter beneath the eaves of their own house? Bise Lo D'if and his lovely heiffer G'rass Lo D'if would never raise their own to so callously treat others. The very idea is quite laughable, you see..." she paused, allowing Quarter to read it in full as well as she digested her words. "Quite well thought up, but missing important facts. Want to bet me a bit these other missives hold similar content?" she asked mischievously.

"I might as well simply give you a bit, your grace," Quarter evenly replied. She had hoped far too many times that this time would be the one that she would win the inconsequential bet set before her. Her grace was simply too wily, she saw all the varriables set before her and made her 'bets' accordingly. To bet against Celestia was pure fallacy.

"Then note the fact that once again, this is a letter," Celestia continued, bobbing the letter back and forth in her magical grip. "While it is possible that a service pony might have waylaid a particular letter out of potential threat, the fact that this one in particular was taken strikes me as a bit odd."

Quarter Master stared at her liege blankly, unsure as to where she was heading with this line of thought.

"Come now Quarter," Celestia chortled, mirth blinking at the edges of her eyes, "Think. The letter is obviously addressed to the mayor of Ponyville, from the Baroness of Meadow Over Yonder. What is the correct protocal for seizing missives from those of ‘troublesome’ rank?"

It was simple. Nobles liked to complain, but usually they were quite tame. Problem was, if you infringed on a single perceived right -which, according to the laws written up for the current rule they didn't really have, they were more like 'privileges' really- they would usually raise such a stink that everyone invloved would end up metaphorically smelling to high heavens. In the regard of seizing possessions of any nature from those of ‘troublesome’ nature or rank, the smart choice was to make sure they never found out in the first place. This was easily achieved -in regard to letters, specifically- by simply copying any letters and leaving the original copies where they were.

Celestia nodded in smug satisfaction as she saw her hoof maiden mentally work through the question.

“I see that you're following me so far. How about we jump to another letter? This one is actually an official report, but I'm sure you'll see the problem with it right away,” she said in a conspiratory tone, levitating another sheet of paper into Quarters waiting hands. Her eyes trailed down the document, noting the displatches title. She was a well recognized agent, through deed and reputation. Sadly, she was also known for being a mad, erratic individual that many were glad was stationed at a relatively small settlement such as Ponyville.

“The berserker?” Quarter Master asked for clarification.

“Is that misnomer still floating around? Really, they were perfectly justified in their actions. If some pony tried to stab your mother through the chest, how would you react?”

Quarter started, thinking on it for a scant second. “I would tear them limb from limb, then set the remains on fire.”

Celestia hummed, remembering the violent little filly her hoofmaiden used to be. Truly, she had come a long way.

“Has the population of Ponyville truly climbed into the thousands?” Quarter asked, peering down at the paper in her hands.

“Oh yes, they had their thousandth resident retire to the town sometime last year,” Celestia clarified, taking a swig of her coffee. “I believe the festivities lasted well into the fortnight…”

4th of the Sandover of Magog, Agent 34DPP regarding introductory Ponyville citizen 1337 (Colton Nice Son)

I believe I have deduced a clue regarding the reason for 1337's reluctance to speak of his previous life and relations. I sadly suspect 1337 might be disjointed from Equestria's magical field. At 1337's 'Welcome To Ponyville' party, he was witnessed consuming an exorbitant amount of cider (supplied by our very own -442- Applejack, bless her cute little nose!~) having claimed that it was 'barely enough to even qualify as actual alcohol'. Following this statement, resident -613- (Rainbow Dash) replaced 1337's drink with a stronger venue. Minotauran blood wine. Where -613- managed to acquire such a contraband substance should be looked into, regarding that it is a class seven illegal substance. Said substance did not function as previously noted, requiring 1337 to consume four mugs before he started to show signs of inebriation.

Four. I didn't misspell that, not only did 1337 manage to consume more than a measured cup of blood wine with... no deleterious effects, but went on to drink an additional three mugs before he even started to show a sign of inebriation. (Also, side note. Requesting permission to test 1337 for resistances to known poisons. If he can withstand a substance like blood wine, 1337 might have been trained as a potions brewer at some point in the past. Testing might provide additional information regarding 1337's past)

By the point 1337 had become drunk (a point upon which he had consumed enough alcohol to effectively kill everypony at the party twice over) he... started to sing. Enough emotion and magical energy were supplied to start a heartsong, as evidenced by the background of musical instruments to accompany...

But 1337 is disjointed from the heartsong. His singing is passionate enough to start a heartsong (also note that this could have been simply spellsong, but all magical signatures point to heartsong as of this report. Additional investigation is required) but 1337's actual singing is... bad.

I hesitate to call it that. But it is bad. He's off tone, out of tune, and discordant. He doesn't harmonize with the music of the heartsong.

I hypothesize that 1337 might have been ostracized from his community due to his inability to truly connect to the magic of Equestria. This might have precluded banishment or precipitated his simply leaving for a fresh start.

Will continue to observe and report.

Sincerely yours, Agent 34DPP

“... The fourth of Sandover?” Quarter questioned, looking back at the header of the letter, “But it’s only the second, as of today…”

“Indeed,” Celestia smiled, nodding her head in agreement. “So unless somepony recently unwound the conundrum of Starswirls gates and managed stable, workable time travel… Somepony got overzealous and accidentally sent out their collection… early~”

“Early, miss?” Quarter repeated back at the princess.

“Before I unload my theory on you, why don't you look at a couple others?” Celestia prodded, floating another page into Quarters grasp.

Been having a cruddy week, mum. I swear Mr Grotto has never heard of the phrase ‘taking it easy’. He's been wearing me down to the grindstone, I swear I'm this close to just up and screaming at the pompous twit. Not that it would do much good, as much as he growls and rants I doubt he'd hear me over himself.

Anyway, went to one of Pinkie Pies parties a few night ago. Remember Swirl? The librarian? Well, apparently he took off a couple months ago, to go live with his kids or something. Nice as he was, I can't say he made that big of an impact on me. He was almost intentionally dull, never seemed to stick out for me. So, with the library open, the mayor went and hired on a new arrival to work there.

No idea how long he's been in town, at the least I don't think I've seen him around till now. The party was apparently his ‘welcome’ party, so he can't have been here long. No offense to Pinkie, but she's got the patience of a rabbit on rageweed. If it had been longer than a week she'd have probably tied him to one of the rafters.

So ponies got drunk, some more than others. This one Pegasus pulled out this weird stuff -no idea what it was, I've never seen it before- and the new guy drank down a few shots of it. Apparently that was impressive? You know how I am with wine, one glass and I'm out. So I avoided all available sources, enjoying my fruit juice and the knowledge I would be waking up the next day without a headache unlike some of my neighbors.

Dancing bears, painted wings. Things I almost remember. And a song, someone sings. 'Once upon a December'.

One of the songs the new guy was half mumbling, half humming tonight sounded weird. I wrote the one part he kept repeating, but there were other verses I can't quite remember. Wait... yeah, there was this one part > 'Far away long ago, glowing dim as an ember, things my heart used to know, things it yearns to remember.'

Now mum, I know you don't like me putting myself down, but you know I aint the sharpest thorn in the bush or nothing. But doesn't that sound like he used to be in a relationship with some mare named 'December'? Her name sounds almost... cold. Certainly isn't a common name you'd find around hereparts. Can't say for sure, most the night I was hanging with my sis. New guy didn't really seem like he wanted to talk to anyone, and when he was talking I almost always was out of earshot.

Maybe he had a friend, long ago. Sounds like it didn't end well to me. Might explain how he ended up here.

Crud, I'm running out of paper, I love you mum,

Salutations and good tidings,

-Lily~

“It seems a fair few of these focus on the newcomers usage of heart song, or his lack of ability thereof…” Celestia drawled, drawing Quarter from her reading. “This and a few other points of focus draw a picture of the stallions character, but if you look closer you'll see that he seems almost… Transparent. The longer you look, the greater the disparities that are revealed.”

Quarter Master nodded, holding up the most recent paper in her hand.

“Another personal letter,” she noted. “I think it's just from a random citizen, though…”

“Hmmm, once upon a December…” Celestia hummed, plucking the letter out of her friends hands. “Once again, another reference to his singing abilities, yet this one at the very least didn't devolve into platitudes describing the average quality of it. You'll notice that most instances of descriptions regarding his singing,” she paused, guiding a yellow tinged letter towards Quarter, “either claim he started off sounding substandard or simply downright horrible, or say that they witnessed a notable improvement as he went on. A majority try to stress this point, without being obvious. The fact that they focus on this so singlemindedly however, draws ones attention to it even more so and highlights it for what it truly is.”

“My Lady?” Quarter questioned, still unsure as to the direction her princesses thoughts were taking.

“And what of his name, do you think?” Celestia continued, seemingly ignoring her hoofmaidens query.

I don't know what to make of the new stallion. His name is apparently 'Colt Nice Son' -and yes, I realize just how ridiculous his name sounds, but thats what everypony keeps calling him...- and his personality is... very hard to gauge properly. Pinkie Pie invited myself and nearly half the town to a party for him at the town library, twice. The first time he didn't show up, and from what I hear he apparently got lost while walking his dogs. And then slept outside, I guess.

So last night, I finally got to meet the mystery stallion. Right after Pinkie Pie scared him so bad he took a tumble down a flight of stairs. Yeah, she can be slightly... unthinking when it comes to the durability of others. Seeing as she has that berserker side though... I guess scaring a stallion down a flight of stairs and having him walk back up relatively unharmed is a pretty good compromise. So he was... kinda withdrawn after that for a while, but I talked to him for a bit. He seemed polite, if soft spoken.

It was only after the addition of Ponyvilles resident clown of a pegasus, Rainbow Dash, that he seemed to loosen up a bit and start letting loose. For better or worse. She challenged him to a drinking contest, and he spanked her flank so hard. It wasn't even a fair shot, whatever training he's been through made all the cider he drank only affect him as much as a glass of water! And then Rainbow Dash decided to cheat. I know what the hay she brought out, even if she kept it in an unmarked flask. It was Minotauran blood wine. She should be arrested, that stuffs supposed to be illegal! Well, it turns out Colts tolerances were... stupidly high. He drank more than a single shot of the stuff, and then kept on partying the rest of the night. I've had blood wine before, back when I visited my grandmother in Labryne. I only had a single sip, and I was out till morning. I also had a headache that felt like my head was split in two, but I just saw Colt a few minutes ago and he didn't look like he had the slightest bit of a headache. Lucky jerk.

So anyway, he was a lot more... 'open' after that. Laughing, playing along with the various activities that Pinkie had set up. At one point I noticed him crying for a few minutes that the library didn't have a piano, but a few minutes after that it was like he didn't even remember that.

His singing is bad. Way bad. Like... intentionally bad, without being intentional. It might have just been the alcohol. He actually started to sound better the longer the night went, but that might just have been my imagination.

I've never seen a stallion turn down Cloudkicker so fast. And by puking on her to boot! Geez, I mean, I don't hate her, but she can be a little pushy sometimes. It gave me a little bit of perverse pleasure, I will admit. I don't think she'll be propositioning him again any time soon.

Who am I kidding, I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to get him again today.

Okay so... I guess that's it for now.

Sincerely-

Acasia Rock

“I… dont know what to think about it,” Quarter admitted. “It is certainly an odd name, either of the iterations that the letters seem to hold on. It might be a bit on the nose, to be honest…”

Celestia laughed, a tinkling gurgle that echoed in the room.

“Indeed. Colt, nice, son. Or ‘Colton’ as some of the participants have taken to writing his name to avoid immediate detection…”

“My Lady?” Quarter repeated, knowing full well that Celestia was just as likely to ignore her empty query once more in order to continue in her deductions of the surrounding matter.

“Colt. A young stallion. Innocent, unassuming, delicate. Rambunctious at times, a blank slate that any number of personalities can spring from. A perfect name… for a fictional character~” Celestias smile nearly oozed from her face, infectious and growing.

“Of course, I wouldn't envy the poor colt that would actually have to grow up with the name of ‘Colt’. It would be the same as some poor addle brained mare deciding to name her filly ‘Filly’. It might work for their younger years, but as they grow it would become a cruel collar. An uninspired title used towards those whose names you don't truly remember.”

Okay, so like, it totally wasn't my fault! I challenged the new guy to a drink off, and the colt was actually almost passably keeping up with me. He was riding my flank something fierce, so I decided to bring out the big guns. My good hooch, the stuff I always bring along to parties but never get a chance to try because everypony is such a lightweight.

Soooo, I plunked it down on the table and what does the little upstart do? He slams back an entire shot of my heavy stuff! Like it was nothing! Not even a careful sip to see if it wouldn't lay him out, just tip back *GLUG* and it was gone. It didn't even seem to affect him! I mean, of course he isn't anywhere as awesome as yours truly, but I will give him some consideration for having an iron stomach. That sort of tolerance is WAY rare.

And he only got more fun after that, caterwauling on like a drunken cat, lurching from one party game to the next, you should have seen it this new stallion is a freaking riot!

Too bad he isn't a pegasus, that kind of energy is wasted on an earth pony. Not to say earth ponies are undeserving of having that kind of energy but... I mean... crap can I just start over? He's kinda thin for an earth pony, I think he'd look better as a pegasus. There. No tribal bull manure.

I will say this about Colt Nice Son, his singing actually started sounding kinda good later on in the night. Maybe he was getting into his groove, I dunno.

Soon to be Wonderbolt, the awesome and amazing Rainbow Dash!

"An 'official' report," Celestia mused breezily. "Wherein the author directly informs their superior that she not only possessed a certain item that is vaguely illegal, but that she administered said beverage to an unaware pony. Sound... suspect to you, my dear?" She trailed off in a joking tone.

"I get it," Quearter Master griped, hanging her head. "The letters and reports are weaving a story. Why bother, if they were so transparent? What was the point?"

Celestia simply hummed, a middling transient bars that hopped and skipped their way across the room. "Well, now this is an interesting one," she mused, holding up a sheaf of paper that had been stapled together. "A mind healer..."

"One of those mind walkers?" Quarter gasped, "I don't trust any pony that can just traipse throughout ones mind, without you even knowing..."

"The last page, and consequently the last 'memory' she wrote down..." Celestia stated connivingly, holding out a singular page.

One such memory was of an assortment of mages working in tandem to defeat another sect of mages. The second group were cruel and evil, aiming for killing blows and spewing forth derogatory commentary.

There were no unicorn or pegasi to be had within the memory... but some of the earth ponies were... 'disfigured', for lack of a better word. They sported abnormal skin tone and body shapes, a couple even having horns similar to the Nara.

Despite their appearance, each and every single member was a warrior, fighting to the utmost of their abilities. Some flinging magic forth from their hands in a brilliant display of light, while in another group I saw a young filly transform her skin to crystal so that her lover could use her like a club.

A pair of colts could enhance their speed to almost imperceptible levels simply by touching the palms of their hands together. I noted them speaking Espmaneol, so it could be this memory took place somewhere near Mexicolt.

There was an incident of a witch facing off a golem of living mud, where the witch performed some form of spirit walk. She sent a black tinged echo of herself outside of her body, sinking into the mass of mud that made up the golem. The golem almost immediately fell under this attack, dispersing into a mound which I could see an unconscious stallion immersed within. I believe the stallion to have been controlling the golem from within.

Each mage wore a costume similar to what one may find within the pages of a Power Ponies comic, and their powers and abilities were of such a wide range I must question the inspiration for such a comic. I hereby request that 'Kirby Dotts' be questioned about the nature and authenticity of his 'fictional' series. If he is drawing inspiration from real world events outside of Equestria and then passing them off as fictional, then we could be looking at a huge security breach.

-Amethyst Star, Mind Healer; Ponyville Branch 34IB

"While yes, the mind walkers we have stationed in Ponyville are granted the capacity to scan any newcomers to the town for safety reasons, trying to use such an art on an inebriated pony is well known to 'muddy the waters', as it were," Celestia explained slowly, "If she were truly trying to gain information from a target, she would have approached the stallion before he had started ingesting any alcoholic beverages. So what does that tell you, from a narrative point of view?"

Quarter Master thought carefully, mulling over the information that had been relayed to her. "...She was instructed to concoct a fanciful recounting. Designed to make the pony in question out to be a stereotypical hero? She doesn't even focus much on Colt in any of these entries," she offhandedly mentioned, cycling through the various 'memories' that she ha described. "She just focuses on the fanciful events that took place near him. But why?"

Celestia laughed, a deep and echoing call that bounced around the room. "To amuse me, I suppose. It's not a secret that the summer sun celebration is fast approaching..."

Quarter nodded her understanding. "It's not the best kept secret to start with-"

"Thankfully most believe the tales of mine sister to be not more than that. Tales." She sighed, looking over one of the pages that floated around her. "But some still know of my pain. Some, who apparently took it in their own hands to try and cheer me up... Colt Nice Son. A barebones, romanticized charicachure. A hero, from a far off land... You know, I think I'm starting to like this young Colt," she giggled.

"Ma'am?"

"Send a reply to the relay office. Let them know that I find their reports regarding their newest citizen to be extremely interesting," She let out another laugh, imagining the looks on their faces. "In fact, how about you get one of the accountants to write up an official citizenship for this Colt Nice Son? Send it on down to Ponyville, see how they respond..."

Quarter Master choked down the mirth that was threatening to spill from her own lips, instead bobbing her head in agreement.

"If such a character were actually real..." Celestia started, peering off into the distance, "I bet they'd be a true hero. With the poise and dignity to match."

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!" I snarled out, barely pausing in between breaths in my attempts to run full out carried me onwards.

The first zombie had gone down like a chump. The second one as well. It was at the third I had fucked up. I hit something metal they were wearing with my bat -some sort of breastplate, who knows- and like some sort of demented feeding time bell every single zombie in the area decided it wanted to come over and give me a smooch.

"Yeah, suuuure, zombies are easy, low level monsters," I groused to myself as I ducked down an alleyway, "Couple whacks, they'll go down like chumps! Riiiiight."

"You could try picking them off one by one," Hax offered, following along closely behind me.

"Oh yeah, sure! Good idea, brain!" I groused harder. "Just pick them off, one by one, would be easy, if they weren't all on my ass like a shitstain on a fat mans drawers..."

"Geez, testy much?" Hax rebutted.

"Of course I'm testy! Zambros! Dead things that smell worse... than a... dead hooker..." I trailed off as an errant thought occurred to me. I hadn't said that.

I whipped my head down as I tried to keep up my pace.

Hax smiled up at me with an adorable doggo grin.

"What, you've never seen a wolf talk before?" SHE stated jokingly.

Author's Notes:

Hmm.

It's uh... been a while, huh?