Blake warily settled himself down on the end of his bed, sitting next to the princess. Celestia had returned to his bedroom, and was laying on her stomach, chin resting carefully on crossed hooves, watching the screen. The documentary on Cheetahs was over, and now it had moved on to something about monkeys.

“You can come closer, I assure you I don’t bite,” Celestia said with a smile, noting the berth that Blake gave her.

Frowning, Blake wiggled a little closer to the princess, arching an eyebrow. “Can I touch you?”

Celestia inclined her head in the affirmative.

Blake lifted a hand to rest on her wing, letting his fingers dig into the soft pinions. He had felt many feathers over the years; A ducks, a goose’s, a dove’s, bantam chickens at his grandmother’s; even the neat, silky-soft feathers of a crow’s black pinions, but the alicorn’s feathers were simply incomparable to anything he had yet felt.

Her feathers were large, broad; no surprise given how large she was in the first place; but they were also incredibly, incredibly soft. It was like the downy fluff of a month-old kitten had been neatly arranged and laid out along a satin-soft stem to form a feather pattern, and then carefully woven and wended into a layered pattern that left each portion of her wings covered in feathers at least three deep.

“Wow,” Blake murmured, letting his fingers sink into the warm feathers. “Do all of you winged ponies feel like this?”

“Not quite,” Celestia responded with a note of smug superiority in her tone. “Our pegasi are soft, but my wings are the most desired in all of my world. In fact, I collect my pinions whenever I notice them fall, and hide them away in a very large jar. Once the jar is full, the feathers are taken out and stuffed into a pillow and then gifted to somepony who has my favour at the time.”

“I’m trying to think of a human analogue to that and all I’m coming up with is stuff out of serial-killer movies,” Blake admitted.

“It might seem strange to you, but the pillow is a specially-embroidered object that is treated with utmost reverence. Common mythology says that it cures insomnia with a single sleep and rids even the most insistent of nightmares,” Celestia extolled with a broad sweep of her hooves.

“Does it?” Blake asked dubiously.

Celestia giggled, a hoof covering her mouth. “It most certainly does not. There is something to be said for placebos.”

Blake rolled his eyes, and then resumed touching at the princess’ wings, slipping his fingertips up to play over the leading edge of her closest wing, feeling over the joints hidden under downy-soft fur and supple smooth flesh.

Celestia tilted her head towards him slightly and arched an eyebrow. “Enjoying yourself?”

Blake gave an ‘mhmm-hmm’, of confirmation, and continued to trace her wings all the way down where they joined her body, feeling the surprisingly strong muscles there. They were bunched up like steel cables, thick and powerful. It was obvious that under the princess’ soft exterior, she was no weakling.

The princess rolled her eyes, but returned to watching the television, which had now switched to a documentary on a South-African tribe and their rituals involving the ‘bullet ant’.

“Your kind willingly subjects themselves to pain like this?” Celestia asked impassively as she watched a foreigner to the country scream and swear in agony after trying to pass the test..

“Some people are nuts. Plus, they get a bunch of hits on youtube or whatever so I guess that makes them feel good? Same deal with the people who try to eat the ghost chilli pepper.”

“Ghost chilli?” Celestia asked blankly.

Blake nodded. “Hottest chilli in the world. Puts people in hospital. Supposed to make you look cool or something, but I think it makes you look like a dickhead.”

“The hottest chilli in Equestria is known to make ponies projectile-vomit combustible gases and material,” Celestia said impassively. “It is quite a sight. Not very pleasant though.”

“I can imagine,” Blake said with a shudder.

“One of my advisors told me of the internet. Do you have it here?” Celestia asked guardedly.

Blake squinted up at her for a long moment. “You’ve been waiting to ask that, haven’t you?”

Celestia gave a wry smile. “You did not afford me many chances to segue it into conversation. As much as I enjoy what I can only assume to be masochistic mating rituals, I am so incredibly interested in the internet. A town hall of communications! All day, all night, all week long. Always available, always on, all the information you could ever want right at your hooves. It must be amazing.”

“Plus there are cat videos,” Blake said with a reasonable nod.

Celestia squinted at him for a moment. “Cat.. videos?”

“You’ll see,” Blake said ominously.

Celestia snorted, and waved a hoof. “I implore you to show me, then!”

Blake nodded once, and then slipped off the bed, booting up his PC and switching the television over to the channel he had set up for his personal computer. A few quick taps opened up his browser of choice, and then he stared glumly at the screen.

“This… this is it?” Celestia asked, staring at the blinking text cursor. “Do words appear here?”

“When I type them, sure. What do you want to know?”

Celestia squinted for a moment. “What is pi to the hundredth digit?”

Blake dutifully typed in her request, and then clicked on the first link that looked promising. “First thousand, actually.”

Celestia stared.

“We’ve probably got it up to a million somewhere on here,” Blake said with a noncommittal shrug of his shoulders.

Regaining her composure, Celestia lifted her head, and then said clearly, “Chocolate bavarian cheesecake recipes.”

Blake arched an eyebrow, but typed in her request.

Celestia pointed. “That picture! Can you make it larger?”

Blake clicked on it, but it was immediately lost amongst a dozen other pictures on the page. “Uhhh, which one was it again?”

Celestia covered her mouth with a hoof, staring at the screen. Chocolate cheesecakes of all kind littered the thumbnails. “This is positively disgusting,” she murmured. “I want to taste them all!”

Rolling his eyes, Blake scrolled down some more, showing even more cheesecakes. “Take it you don’t have anything like this in Equestria?”

“We only have actual cakes,” Celestia admitted with a heavy sigh. “No pictures like this. This would make even Pinkie pie weak in the hooves.”

Blake shrugged slightly and then typed in ‘chocolate mud cake’, idly scrolling up and down.

“You disgusting man,” Celestia chided. “Did I not know better, I would assume you were trying to seduce me with pastries.”

“If that’s what it takes?” Blake said with a little chuckle.

Celestia’s eyes narrowed, and she paused a moment, lightly stroking her chin with a hoof. “...Princess Celestia.”

Blake gave her a long stare. “Sure you wanna open that can of worms?”

“Do it,” Celestia urged, bouncing slightly on his bed. “I want to see what they have on me!”

Blake shrugged again, but typed it in. Immediately, a series of badly-focused shots of the princess showed up, all of them from bad angles.

“Ugh, how positively ungraceful,” Celestia stated, eyes wandering from one picture, to the next.

Blake scrolled down, spied something, and then immediately scrolled back up.

“Do not even pretend like you did not see that,” Celestia chided, making a motion. “Show it again.”

Blake winced, but scrolled back down. A half-decent drawing of Celestia was right there on the screen. A dirty one.

“Enlarge it, if you would,” Celestia said, a laugh in her tone.

The enlarged pictures splashed across the screen, and Blake shifted uncomfortably. It was a drawing of Celestia ‘presenting’, bent over with her tail lifted up and hindlegs spread.

“How peculiar,” Celestia stated. “The artist is… not unskilled. But their anatomy is completely wrong.”

“They’ve hardly done studies,” Blake admitted awkwardly. “Probably just drew you like a horse.”

“Positive uncouth,” Celestia said with a shudder. “That is nothing like my own.”

“Yeah, nothing like at all,” Blake agreed, mind wandering back to what the princess had shown him in the bathroom. He blinked once as he realised what he said, and then cleared his throat. “U-uh, I mean. Like. You know! Why would it be, even? You’re not even from the same dimension. Pretending like you’re a horse is weird. Your nose is a lot smaller too. And your ears are wider. And-”

“-You are adorable when you are flustered,” Celestia cut across his smoothly, smirking at him. “Is there a way for you to leave feedback on the image? Comments? A forum for discussion of images?”

“Probably?” Blake said awkwardly. “Not exactly a place I’d frequent, to be honest.”

“Well… I think you should examine both, side-by-side, and write a detailed analysis on the differences, so that in future, the artists would not get it so wrong.”

Blake felt blood rising to his face, and his eyes widened. “I… I w-what?” he squeaked.

Celestia stared at him with a somber expression, not an ounce of mirth in her features. “We cannot have this be the norm. I am not like that. You must do it for the good of inter-species relationships.”

Blake stammered out a protest. “M-maybe… y-you…”

Celestia dissolved into giggles, wrapping a wing warmly around his middle and pulling him against her, nuzzling her silky-soft cheek against his own. “You are so incredibly cute when you are flummoxed!”

Blake huffed and allowed himself to be pulled against her, grumbling to himself.

“At least I know you find me ‘interesting’,” Celestia stated with a soft little giggle.

“Of course I find you interesting,” Blake countered.

“Sexually,” Celestia purred, gazing down at him.

Blake chewed on his tongue for a moment. “Perhaps.”

“Definitely,” Celestia said with a sly little smirk tugging at the edges of her muzzle. “Why, if I were nine centuries younger…”

“And I were three feet taller...” Blake added.

“What does height have to do with it?” Celestia asked blankly.

Blake cleared his throat. “Uh… you know. Bigger means.. Bigger.”

Celestia arched an eyebrow.

Blake made a motion with his hand. “You know.”

“I do not,” Celestia stated simple.

“Penis,” Blake said finally. “Bigger person means a bigger penis.”

“You think you would be inadequate?” Celestia asked candidly.

Blake’s eyes narrowed, and then he pursed his lips.”You are twice my mass, easy. It’s simple physics.”

“Physics has nothing to do with it,” Celestia said coyly. “If you think you won’t… ‘measure up’, then you’ll have to show me so I can judge for myself.” She batted her eyelashes at him suggestively.

Blinking once, Blake stared at her for a long moment. “Excuse me?”

“You think you won’t measure up,” Celestia said simply. “In the interest of furthering human-pony understanding, I wish to measure you, myself.”

Blake swallowed thickly, feeling blood rushing back to his face. “Y-you’re just trying to get under my skin again.”

Celestia fixed him with a long stare, and then smiled slyly. “Am I? I would learn a lot from it, you know. And….” she trailed off, leaning closer to him, letting her soft nose brush against his ear, before whispering candidly, “I haven’t even told you what I’d measure you with…”

Blake felt goosebumps popping up all over his arms at her words, and he gave another difficult swallow, cheeks burning.

Celestia opened her mouth to speak, but at that moment, there was a very authoritative knock on his door. She arched an eyebrow, indicating towards it. “Expecting visitors?”

“Never,” Blake grumbled, pushing off the bed and limping towards the door. “You should like… hide yourself. It’s probably someone looking for you.”

A soft grumble left the princess, and she muttered something about ‘Alfred Colt’s law’, rising to her hooves.

Blake limped to the front door, pulling it open to find a pair of police officers there. “Evening. Anything I can help you with?”

“Blake, is it?” one of them asked.

Blake nodded.

“Just wondering if you’ve had any unusual visitors tonight?”

Blake shrugged. “Just me and my cat, officers. Is something wrong?”

“Got reports of people trying to harass those whom are involved with the portal horses thing. Mind if we take a look around?”

“Do I have a choice?” Blake asked with a long sigh.

The officers didn’t say anything, but one pushed past him, quickly looking in each room, before returning. “All clear here.”

“Expecting to find anything?” Blake asked blankly.

The officer gave him a sober stare, before tipping his head to him respectfully. “If you have any strange visitors, give us a call. Any time of day or night. Your security is important.”

“I’m sure it is,” Blake said, stepping back inside and closing the door, grumbling to himself.

Princess Celestia was indeed gone. His television was still on, displaying a picture of a bent-over Celestia with her tail lifted, and he groaned as he sat down on his bed. No way did the officer not see that.

He made to pull back the covers to get ready for bed, and found a single large white feather and a folded piece of paper. He unfolded the piece of paper, and found neat writing that spelled out ‘I hope you measure up tomorrow’