You sleep throughout the night, not being disturbed at all. Bulk Biceps, despite how big he is, is a very quiet sleeper. Due to the quality of the beds they make you sleep in, you sleep better than you've slept in the 7 months you've spent in this magical pony land. You were surprised when you didn't have a problem at all waking up at 7:00 AM, despite being groggy. They must have put some magic or something in the beds to make you sleep better in here.

You got woken up immediately in sync with Bulk Biceps. This might just confirm your suspicions that there's magic in the beds.

"GOOD MORNING, ANON! TODAY'S GONNA BE A GOOD DAY!" said Bulk Biceps, eloquent as ever.

"Good morning." you say, groggily.

The intercoms flare up about 10 minutes after you wake up.

"Good morning everypony! This is Daycare, we have some fun things planned! Today you can go wherever you like as long as it's on property, except for the playground. Let's try not to talk about what happened yesterday, okay? Some ponies were traumatized and now they have PTSD! So if you could avoid talking about that, that would be appreciated." says Daycare over the intercom. You laughed at that, causing Bulk Biceps to look at you as if you were insane. Back on Earth, you could hardly call that an argument in prison, much less something that gives people shell-shock.

"Please go to the cafeteria at the scheduled times, and we'll all have a fun day today!" the intercom cuts out, and guards then start unlocking all the doors to the cells. You can hear your cell door unlocking. A familiar female guard walks in.

"H-hello Anon!" she says.

Now that you're no longer in a cold delirium, you can see what she looks like. It appears she's a bland sky blue for her coat and a shade of orange for her mane and tail, topped off with orange eyes. For some reason, she has a ponytail for her hairstyle. She also wears the issued guard cap and utility belt.

"Good morning." you reply. Bulk Biceps looks at the guard, waiting for a greeting but he doesn't get one. The guard from yesterday is completely fixated on you.

"U-um, since it's a day where you can go where you like, I-I.." she stammers. She squeaks, pulls out a note from her vest pocket, shoves it in your hands, and zips out of there. Without even thinking about what the note was because you were too tired to give a shit, you just shove it in your pocket.

"WHAT A RUDE PONY. SHE DIDN'T EVEN SAY HI TO ME! OH WELL. LET'S GO TO BREAKFAST." says Bulk Biceps. You shrug, get dressed, and then follow Bulk Biceps to the cafeteria. He sits down by his usual group, and you follow him. The ponies he hangs around were so happy you were there.

"Yesterday was crazy! Good job, Anon! I'd give you my extra naptime, anytime!" says one pony.

You spend the next 5 minutes chit-chatting with the ponies at the table, discussing trivial things (To you, anyways. These ponies take small things way too seriously). A waitress of sorts comes up to the table and asks what kind of tea everyone wants.

"I'LL TAKE THE EXTRA-EXTRA SWEET TEA, WITH 5 LUMPS OF SUGAR PLEASE!" says Bulk Biceps. Everyone at the table asks for the same order, some ordering it with whip cream on it, some with sprinkles on top of the whip cream. Eventually, the waitress comes around to you.

"I'm assuming you'd like the same thing they're having?" she says.

"No thanks, I'd rather have coffee." you reply. You earned a few looks from people from other tables.

"O-oh, uh, what creamer would you like?"

"Creamer? No thanks, I'll pass." You are getting lots of looks from a lot of people in the cafeteria now.

"Wh-what? U-um, okay... how much sugar would you like?" the mare is visibly blushing.

"I just want my coffee nice and black." the cafeteria is completely silent now. The waitress mare is fumbling trying to write your order down, dropping the pen constantly. She's sweating and blushing furiously, obviously either put off or turned on by the fact you're having plain coffee. You're tired of waiting for her to write your order.

"Ugh- come here- no, hand that over. Let me write it." you say. You think you may have heard someone spill a bit of their drink behind the mare. You take the pen, write down "COFFEE - BLACK", and hand her the notepad with the orders. The mare quickly runs back to the kitchen, obviously embarrassed that you ordered coffee. Or was it something else that embarrassed her? The lunch room slowly goes back to talking, but now you think they're talking about you now. Dammit, you had only wanted to get coffee.

Seeing how everyone at your table is shuffling in their seats awkwardly, especially the girls, you scoot down to the end, where you can sit by yourself and think. After a couple of minutes, the same waitress comes back around with everyone's orders. Once she gets to you, you avoid yet another problem by taking the coffee yourself.

"Run along now, I can't have hot coffee spilled on me." you say to the waitress. The waitress is still blushing as she walks off, muttering something about giving you hot coffee in bed, or something along those lines.

You just quietly sip your coffee, reading a newspaper you found on the floor. The noise of everyone chatting drowns out any negative feelings as you read the news. You spend five minutes enjoying yourself and the coffee, that is, until you remembered the note you got from the guard earlier that morning. You pull it out of your pocket, still marveling on how they can trust prisoners with pockets, and unfold it.

The note read as follows:

please meet me in the spa at noon

xoxoxo

Sugar

You think you've had it with these ponies being so loving and carefree, but you're pretty sure there's x's and o's for a reason. You sigh, because your coffee cup is empty and you can't have a guard of all things being in love with you. You'd like to keep the belly rubs as rewards only, but you don't want to be manipulated into giving them. At least you know the guard horse's name, "Sugar."

You turn to a waitress and ask for more coffee, to which she hesitates, nods, and goes to go get some, power walking to get there. Once you have your coffee, you spend another hour just hanging around and taking in the scenery.

You assumed that now was your time to go and do human things elsewhere in the prison, so you got up and went to walk away, but the sight of a dragon that's a little bigger than you makes you fail to notice the puddle of spilled drink on the floor, causing you to slip face first into the puddle.

...

God DAMMIT.

THAT WASN'T THE SOUND OF SOMEONE SPILLING THEIR DRINK.

You get up, wipe your face off with a napkin, and try to forget what had just happened. Thankfully, you were pretty much alone here seeing as everyone left. Back to the scene at hand, you figure. This dragon was being closely watched by about 4 guards, in handcuffs and all. You wonder what a dragon of all things could be here for.

You can safely assume that this dragon is a male, judging by his deep raspy voice. You see that the dragon is a shade of red, with a plain cream belly. Of course, you stop thinking about what the dragon looks like when he rages and tries to break through a wall, nearly setting the building on fire because fire keeps coming out of his nose. You wonder if dragon shouts where actually real in this world.

"We're gonna need a tranquilizer!" yells a guard pony from over there. Moments later, you see a pony come up with a huge ass dart, and shoves the dart right up the dragon's pooper. The dragon falls down, knocked out cold. They carry the dragon down the hall to take him to a room. You get a sense of deja vu. Hopefully you don't encounter the dragon any more.

At around noon, you decide to head up to the spa that the prison has. Why the prison has a spa, you may never know. To you, the spa looks like a pool more than a spa. It has a section off to the side for actual massages and spa things, a huge pool in the middle that's populated with prisoners, and a lot of hot tubs, including the "cold tub" you had used yesterday. Hell, it even has a bar.

You go up to the bar, hoping they'd have anything good.

"Hey." you greet to the bartender, a male pony with a mustache.

"Ey, sonny boy. What can I do ya for?" says the bartender with an accent.

"What do you got?" you ask.

"Our most popular drink's milk right now, but knowing your type, you might like something more extreme. How's a soda sound?"

"Uh, sure." The bartender didn't even give you a chance to say what flavor you wanted. He just grabbed a generic-looking bottle filled with soda that reminded you of clip art. One you opened it up and tasted it, it tasted like Sprite and sugar. You're pretty sure you'd get diabetes if you drank too much of this.

"That'll be 5 good boy points. I'll just take it out of ya account." says the bartender. After he pressed a couple of buttons with his hoof on his computer, he hands you a card.

"Use this. It'll save everypony's time."

You look at the card, and it has your name and picture on it. It reads "GBP Balance Prisoner Card. You just put it in your chest pocket. The bartender looks at you for a moment, then gets back to work. You suppose being human in this place does draw a lot of curiosity. You didn't notice the guard from earlier, Sugar, coming up to sit by you.

"Y-you came! I'm so glad you didn't ignore me like all those- nevermind." the guard, Sugar, says.

Ignoring that last bit she said, you ask her what she wants you here for.

"So, what do you want to discuss with me?" you ask.

"Oh! Let's take this somewhere more private." she says, getting up and motioning for you to follow her. "We should talk about this in your cell. Nopony's likely to hear us there."

...

Is she trying to get into your pants? You are no horsefucker, but you do appreciate the notion. You shrug and follow her back out of the spa, your soda in hand. As you walk down the hallway, she notices you're drinking soda.

"You're drinking soda? Wow, y-you're so cool!" she pipes.

"I guess so."

You go in your cell, and Sugar follows. Knowing your impending fate, you unbutton your jumpsuit.

"Wh-what are you doing?" asks Sugar. Too bad you aren't fooled.

"Well, is this gonna happen or what?" you say. She's about to fall over.

"What do you mean?" she asks.

"You know.. you were trying to- uh, nevermind."

You re-button your shirt, thankful that she really wasn't trying to get in your pants, but it seems she has something to say. You and Sugar stand there awkwardly while she just realizes what you were implying. She visibly blushes and looks up at your face, wondering if she should state her business or not.

"So, um, I was wondering, if you'd like to make a deal."

"What kind of deal?" you say.

"Well, I give lots of good boy points to your account and you give me lots of belly r-rubs in exchange. Doing these kinds of things might be illegal, but I can't help it."

God dammit.

You are Edge, edgy pony extraordinaire! You were landed in prison because you were cutting yourself in public with safety scissors. Darn those police ponies, darn them from showing your edginess! You were given a whole month for self harm! It's a shame, too. You didn't even break the skin yet. You managed to start a gang of 9 in the prison, and you made your goons give you their good boy points so you can enjoy it here.

However, prison life changed right when somepony showed you who's bo- YOU MEAN cheated and took your power! You are currently in the medical ward, being comforted by two nurse ponies. You may or may not be crying.

"Shh, shh, it's all okay. He's not here to hurt you anymore." coos one of the nurses cuddling you as you sit in your bed. The prison doctor comes around the corner.

"It seems you're all good and ready to go. Edge, you really need to control your impulses! You might get hurt even worse if this behavior keeps up!" exclaims the doctor.

"I know, I know." you say while sniffling.

You get released back into the prison, and back to your cell. You quickly gather up some "supplies" and head out of your cell. After all, it was a day where you could roam freely. You pass some ponies on the way to going to your secret hideout for your gang. Well, secret enough for a pony. It's under a staircase, but surprisingly nopony caught you or your gang there yet.

"Alright, we need to get revenge on this Anon guy." you say to your gang.

"How're we gonna do that, boss?" says one of your gang members.

"With this."

You throw down a few pillows. The gang "oohs" and "aahs" at them.

"What are we gonna do with this?" says another gang member.

"It's simple. We teach 'im a lesson."

You are Anon again, and you can't believe you just agreed to Sugar's deal.

"Oh my goodness, this is gonna be amazing! Can I have my first one right now?" Sugar squeaks out. You sigh. You assume it was worth the 100 good boy points per belly rub. Apparently, you can't cash in more than 100 points a day, because that would raise suspicion. When you figured out that Sugar put in the 200, it was already a stretch.

"Alright. Get on the bed." you say. "Up, up."

Just like a dog, she jumps up the bed and wags her tail. She rolls over on her back and awaits the rubbening. You pull up your sleeve, and prepare to send the pony's mind to another dimension. You place your hand and you start doing your magic.

"Ooooh, yess~!" Sugar hisses out.

Just as you were about to advance even further, the door to the room bursts open. You and Sugar both look up at the door, wide eyed and shocked. You two quickly fumble about in an attempt to hide the deed, but to no avail. Of all the people, Edge runs in with 3 goons with him. They are all holding what looks like really soft pillows.

"HEY, ANON THE LOSER! YOU'RE GONNA GET TAUGHT A LESS- WHAT IN EQUESTRIA ARE YOU DOING TO MY LOV- I MEAN, uh, um.." sputters Edge.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, poindexter?" you retort. Everyone in the room cringes as you curse, but you think Sugar started to get slightly wet.

"We're here to teach you a lesson!" says Edge. You look at the pillows he and his group are carrying. Could he have wised up and decided to make his own weapon by putting batteries or something in a pillow? Now you might actually be facing a threat.

"Let's get him, boys!" screams Edge as he and his gang charges towards you, again putting no thought into their battle tactics. This allows you to simply step to the side as 4 ponies crash into the wall behind you.

"Ow, you cheater! I'll make you pay!" squeals Edge. You turn to Sugar.

"Stay there! I'll handle them." you say. You turn around, and walk out the door, leaving Edge and his gang shocked. While they are too focused on wondering why you just left, you hide behind the door on the other side.

"Boss, shouldn't we get 'im?" you hear a gang member say.

"Yeah, let's go find him!" you hear Edge say. You see Edge and his gang run out the door, and somehow go the exact opposite direction of you. You rest your face in your palm as you walk back in to your room. You look at Sugar, who was still laying on your bed awaiting the rubbing of the belly. You turn around, lock the door, and go back to the guard pone on the bed.

"Do I get extra points for being nonviolent or something?"

Author's Notes:

I never expected this story to be a smash-hit. Seriously, I've racked up over 600 favorites in one day.

"IT'S A MASTERPIECE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I'M A FFFFFUCKIN' MILLIONAIRE!"

- videogamedunkey, 2013