"Eheheh..."

Applejack turned around as slowly as she could, meeting her brother's eyes with a sheepish smile. She glanced down at the little pink box sticking out of her saddlebag, and then back up at Big MacIntosh's hardened face.

"So... I guess y'aint gonna buy that I'm pickin' this up for a friend?"

He just stared her down.

"Well, in any case," she said, trying to stiffen her lips, "T'aint none a' yer business!"

Nothing.

"Well? Ain'tcha gonna say somethin'?"

Receiving no answer---not that she'd expected one---Applejack poked the tip of her hoof against her brother's lower lip and began to jiggle it as she said in a faux-baritone: " 'Oh, that's fine, Applejack, y'ain't a filly no more, an' I can respect that you make yer own decisions.' "

He didn't even break his steely glare with a blink.

Dropping her hoof, she snorted and said "I can't believe you jes' let me do that!"

Then, well... she couldn't resist. Prodding at his lip again, "he" said "'Lookit me! I'm a grown stallion who plays with lil' dolls!' "

"STOP THAT," he snapped, swatting her hoof away.

Applejack laughed. She loved her brother, she truly did, but that didn't mean they didn't each have a few reserves of ammo on hoof.

"Tell ya what," she said with a little nudge to his side. "I'll quit buggin' you if you quit buggin' me."

"BY THE GODDESSES, DAMNATION!" he roared, and Applejack stumbled backwards, stunned to her very core.

"M-Mac? Why--"

"I ain't 'buggin' you like this is some triflin' little thing, AJ!" Hot steam poured from his flaring nostrils, and she scootched back a few feet. Her brother's temper was like a volcano; something that could lie dormant for years, yet nonetheless be explosively dangerous. The last time she'd seen this kind of rage from him had been over a decade prior, right after Applebloom's birth, right after that double funeral, right after she'd taken her Pa's pocketknife and hacked off her ponytail... No, she told herself. Don't go there now.

His eyes were blazing. "You went an' got yerself into trouble, an' now yer makin' light of it?!"

"I ain't in trouble!" she hollered back.

"Then why'd you buy that---"

"Just to make sure!"

Her brother opened his mouth, and then---like a thunderclap---something, some strange expression rippled across his face.

"Oh... Applejack," he whispered as his eyes darted to the ground. "I never even thought..."

"What?"

When their eyes met again, she was shocked to see the pain on his face. "He... he didn't... did he...?"

"Did he what?"

"Did he, um... did he force himself on you?"

"Oh, Mac," she sighed, pawing at the ground. "Don't be an idiot. If he was rapin' me, d'you think I woulda come seven times in a row?"

"I BEG YOUR PARDON?!"

"Sun's risin' high, ain't it?" she blurted. "Gettin' close to lunchtime!"

He turned his burning face away. "Uh... eeyup."

"Best we be gettin' back home, don'tcha think?"

They walked in silence for a few minutes, the noonday sun stretching their shadows across the edge of the orchard. Applejack could feel his eyes flicking from her face to the bulge in her left saddlebag.

He finally broke the tension. "What magazines did you get?"

"I dunno. Just grabbed a few."

"Okay."

"If you want 'em, they're yours."

"Uh-huh."

A little smirk tugged at her lips. "I think I mighta got a PentHorse."

"Applejack!"

"Oh, lemme guess---you read it 'for the articles'?"

He ignored that one. "So. Who's the, uh, father?"

She stopped walking, and after a few steps, Big MacIntosh did too. He glanced over his shoulder and saw her face twist up in a rictus of anger.

"Well?"

"Ain't tellin'," Applejack spat.

"You gotta tell at some point."

"Says who?!"

Big MacIntosh tried to nuzzle up, but she snapped her head to the side. "Look," he said gently, "We both know yer gonna have to tell at some point. I mean, if y'keep it..."

"Whaddaya mean, 'if I keep it'?!"

"...an' he starts lookin' like his daddy, well..." He paused to reconsider his wording. "Or she. Or they."

Applejack crinkled up her muzzle. "'They'?"

"Ya never know. Could be twins."

"Ugh!"

He watched in confusion as the muscles under her right eye flickered, as if there was an army of ants burrowing under her skin. "Somethin' I said?"

"Just..." She held up a hoof, squeezing her eyes shut. "Just don't. Mention. Twins."

"So... do I know him?"

"What is this, twenty questions?"

Big Macintosh frowned. "Just answer me."

Applejack scowled, avoiding his gaze. "Uh... yeah. You met him."

"Is he an Earth pony?"

"No," she said. "And that's three questions. You got seventeen left."

"Pegasus?"

"No."

"So he's a unicorn." He paused for a minute. "Pokey Pierce?"

With a snort she said "Pfft! He wouldn't be interested in me unless I got one a' them operations they do in Bangkolt."

"...Come again?"

She ducked her head to hide the little grin. Her brother had a sort of innocence about him that she found adorable. "Pokey Pierce," she said slowly, "would rather have a go at you than me."

"Wait, what?!"

"Please! The way he flirts with you is shameless."

He blanched, and then the blood quickly rushed back up to his face. "He... he does not!"

She was enjoying this way too much. "Remember the last time you were at the market?" Pawing at his shoulder, she cooed in a creepy imitation of Pokey's simpering lisp, "'Did you make these pies yourself, Big MacIntosh? Ooh, I bet aaaaanything that comes from you would be deeelish---'"

"Knock it off!" He furiously shook his head. "And quit changin' the subject! How many questions I got left?"

"That counts as one."

"It does not!"

Applejack smirked; she'd never lost Twenty Questions to him yet, and wasn't about to break her winning streak. "You got thirteen left, so make' em count."

"Um, well..." He scratched his head. "A unicorn I've met...? I can only think of a couple more."

"Heh! Yer loss."

"Pony Joe?"

She paused to consider this. It wasn't a bad guess.... but there was no way she'd admit to that little 'pastry sampling' session they'd had a few years ago. "I could do better."

"Uh, Shining Armour?"

"Y'really think I wanna get two pissed-off alicorns on my butt?"

"Magnum?"

"Yer an idiot."

"Prince Blueblood?"

"Yer a fuckin' idiot."

Big MacIntosh sighed. "Okay. Okay! I give up! You sure you didn't cheat?"

"A'course I didn't!"

"But y'gotta tell me sometime soon."

She glared at him. "And why's that?"

"So I know whose back I gotta stick the shotgun into."

The bottom dropped out of her stomach, and for a few seconds Applejack honestly thought she was going to vomit. "Nuh-uh," she said once the bile had slid out of her throat, "That ain't gonna happen!"

"And why not? I'll see to it he makes an honest mare outta you!"

"Okay, first things first!" Applejack tore off her saddlebag, flinging it to the ground. The pregnancy test bounced off to the side. "One, I ain't even sure if he's got me in trouble! Two, I don't gotta pee, so neither of us are gonna know for awhile yet! Three, t'ain't none a'yer business who he is! Four, there ain't no way under Celestia's sun I'm-a marry him! Five, even if y'do make me marry him, there ain't no way I'm gonna travel around sellin' cider with him and his stupid twin brother!!"

And then she clapped both her front hooves over her mouth.