Applejack's heart rattled against her ribs like a frightened hummingbird's.

Take deep breaths, she told herself as she stood staring at the wall of products in front of her. Nopony's here. Nopony's looking at'cha. Just grab it an' get the Tartarus out.

With a quick flick of her tail, Applejack knocked what she needed off the shelf and into her basket, and went trotting as swiftly as she could out of the aisle. Her eyes flicked back and forth as she scanned the drugstore---good, the coast was clear; nopony between her and the cashier. She piled a few magazines on top and made her way towards the front of the store, feeling the prickles of a light sweat break out on her neck.

Ain't like they never seen somepony buyin' somethin' real embarrassin' before. Ain't like yer buyin' grown-up diapers, for Celestia's sake!

"Miss?"

That snapped her out of her little internal pep-talk. A slightly sullen-looking stallion was standing behind the register, eyeing her basket.

Okay, you can do it, she said as she steeled herself. Jes' plunk 'em all down on the counter an' pretend like y'buy this all the time.

She did her best, and flashed the cashier a smile as genuine as a three-bit bill. "Uh... hey there. Nice day out, ain't it? They say sunny days are nicer'n the cloudy ones, but... well, it's....uh.... s-still nice! Real nice!"

He half-heartedly nodded, his hooded eyes never really making contact as he rang her items through. "That all today, miss?"

"Yessir."

"So..." He mumbled the addition under his breath as he checked the magazines through. "Ten bits and, uh..."

Her smile cracked a bit, and the sweat built into a full steam as she watched him pore over her purchases. This was taking far longer than a simple transaction should.

"Hm," he said.

"Uh..." Applejack scratched the spot under the brim of her hat where her scalp had started to itch. "Somethin' the matter?"

The cashier held up a hoof. "This'll just take a sec', miss." Then he craned his head around and hollered "Hey, Blue Streak! Can I get a price check on this pregnancy test?!"

She didn't see the few other shoppers turning her way. She didn't hear them whispering. She didn't even hear what Blue Streak yelled back. All she could do was stay rooted to the spot, all four legs trembling, hoping against all hope that a giant black void would open up below her and suck her into oblivion.

"Okay, that's ten bits for the magazines, and another twelve for the test!" he said brightly as he swiped every last shameful piece into a bag.

Applejack slammed the money down on the counter. "Thank. You. Very. Much," she spat.

She had almost made it to the door when he hurled one last indignity at her: "Oh, and congratulations, by the way!"

Applejack had to suck her cheeks into her muzzle and bite down hard to keep herself from saying something she might regret. After a few moments of silently running through her rather extensive compilation of creative cusses, she let her sore chest expand, and took in a cool, calming gulp of air.

"Aw, horseapples," she muttered as she kicked a clot of dirt with her hoof. "Could this mornin' possibly get any worse?"

Her heart suddenly jackhammered into her throat when, from directly behind her, came a single, terse, angry word:

"Eeyup."