Kids, I know I already told you how I meet your mother, but there's a whole series of stories I forgot to tell you.

Really, Dad?

Yes Kids, there is more. While it's true that none of us thought Barney would be a good father at all, but he proved us wrong when he had something that was more unbelievable than our doppelgangers. Through time, of course.

So he raised a child?

Well... sorta. We can safely say she was more of a training tool for his own daughter, Ellie. I can already tell that you're going to enjoy it. You, however, not so much. It all began on just a regular Wednesday; nothing special was planned whatsoever, it was just another meet up at the bar, but it was different for that one reason.

Barney Stinson, the ever wise pick-up artist with an undying love for expensive suits & laser tag, strolled across the streets of manhatten, heading to the bar where he and his friends would meet on a regular basis. He stopped and leaned down to tie a loose lace that came undone, right in front of an alleyway with a dumpster in in. He stopped and jumped at a loud "BANG" coming off from the side of the dumpster! He tried to walk away as quickly as he could, most likely to avoid any dirty raccoon, but stopped as he heard a child's voice.

"Hewwo?" The voice asked, muffled by the closed dumpster "Is anyone there? Pwease! Anyone!" Barney stopped and looked to the side, seeing only a couple of cars driving by, a couple walking together, and some guy jamming to his music.

"Forgive me suit gods." Barney muttered to himself. He walked to the dumpster and opened the lid, only to be greeted with something he never guessed would exist: a light blue unicorn with a smooth, silver & light silver blue mane & tail, and large, purple eyes. It stared at Barney and Barney stared right back.

"Hewwo!" It said, smiling and in the same voice as the little girl.

"WHAT THE-!?" Barney yelled, pulling his head back in surprise. "Y-you just talked!!!"

"Is that wong? Twixie is sowwy." Barney snagged 'Twixie' up and held her in his hands, holding her like how most people do with small animals as her back legs dangled in the air.

"No! Don't be sorry! That's awesome! A talking, small, and an adorable unicorn!"

"Stop it!" She blushed, waving her front right hoof at him like how most girls do when they receive a really nice compliment.

"...I am definitely getting laid! To the bar!" Barney sprinted with the unicorn in his hands, rushing to get to the bar!

Inside the bar, Ted Mosbey, Robin Scherbatsky, Marshall Eriksen, and Lily Aldrin sat in their usual table, drinking some glasses of water.

"Hey," Marshall spoke "Where's Barney? He's usually here about now."

"He's probably having sex with another woman already." Robin stated before taking another sip.

"Very unlikely," Ted replied "he has sex after our get together."

"There's always a first time in something." Lily said. The doors opened, and Barney came in, panting really hard. He rushed over and took Ted's glass of water, guzzling it immediately.

"Sorry I'm late!" Barney gasped "I was occupied with a little something."

"And that is?" Robin asked.

"If you think it's sex, you'd be right, but you're not. Well, I was trying to make my way here, but, almost out of nowhere, I came across something that already made this night legend- wait for it!" Silence fell as usual with everyone waiting for him to say 'Dary'.

"Daddy!?" a little girl's voice said with a small tug on the left side of his pants "What are you doing?"

"Dary!" Barney ended.

"What was that!?" Ted asked, trying to peak over from his side. Lily looked down at her side and gasped.

"AWW!!!" She said "That's adorable!!!"

"What is?" Marshall asked.

"THIS!!!" Barney announced. He picked up his surprise, brought out the unicorn from the dumpster, and placed it on their table. Both Lilly and Robin let out a collected "Awe" at the sight of the unicorn.

"A talking unicorn!?" Ted asked in surprise

That's what I wish I did. Instead, what came out was:

Ted grabbed the unicorn and held it in front of his face. He smiled widely while laughing.

"Look at you!" He said while babying the unicorn "Who's a cute wittle unicorn? You are, that's who! Yes you are! Yes you are!"

"UNHAND TWIXIE, DIRTY APE!!!" She yelled and squirmed. Her horn glowed with a purple aura. Marshal's hand also glowed purple, as it clenched into a fist. With no control over it, Marshal punched Ted across the face, making him release the unicorn!

"Oh my god!" Marshall yelled as his regained control of his hand "I am so sorry! I did not not do that at all, I swear!" A large, red fist was seen on Ted's face. He got up and ran to the bathroom. Barney quickly took his seat.

"First come first serve!" Barney simply commented.

"Ooh! She's a feisty one!" Robin commented with a smile. She reached out to Trixie, but stopped before laying a finger on her. "May I?" Trixie looked at Robin's finger, then turned her back.

"Twixie will allow it." she replied "Be soft but firm around the ears."

"Whatever you say." Robin began to softly, but firmly scratch behind Trixie's ear. Trixie's eyes opened wide, then drooped until they were halfway closed, then she began to moan to herself.

"Where did you find her?" Lily asked

"She was actually in a dumpster when I found her." Barney replied.

"In a dumpster!?" Marshall asked "Why would she be in a dumpster!?"

"Maybe your fist can answer that." Robin smirked.

"Now Twixie's bewwy!!!" Trixie announced. She flopped to her back and allowed Robin to scratch her tummy. Robin followed, and Trixie squealed with laughter. Ted came back inside, holding his hand around his punched cheek area, then stared at Robin giving Trixie a belly rub.

"ROBIN!!!" Ted yelled

"What?" Robin replied "You should've asked first. 'Ask and you shall receive', remember?"

"Well... I now do... but she didn't have to make Marshall punch me across the face for it!"

"Twixie disagrees!" She yelled, getting up from her belly rub. She walked over and jumped into Barney's lap. "Daddy agwees with Twixie, right?"

"DADDY!?!?!?" Everyone but Barney asked.

"Of course I do!" Barney replied "But I need your help, Little-"

"It's "The Gweat and Powaful Twixie"!" Trixie interrupted. Barney stared at her a bit, then chuckled.

"Alright, Great and Powerful Trixie, I'm with you, but I need you to help me out with something?"

"Does it involve the gowiwwa punching someone?"

"HEY!!!" Marshall yelled

"Oh no!" Barney replied "I just need you to make me look good!"

"...How does Twixie do that?" she asked

"You'll learn the playbook soon, sweetie, but for now, hot Asian Chick at three o'clock." Trixie looked at a clock  

"It's Eweven o'cwock."

"You'll know what I'm saying soon. Come on!" He carried Trixie over to the bar area, where, indeed, an attractive Asian woman stood at, drinking some beer. Barney casually leaned on the bar area, and Trixie stood right behind his legs. "Hey girl, what's your sine? It must be Pi over two because you are the one." She stared at Barney with a disgusted looking face.

"Really?" She replied "Just because I'm Asian doesn't mean I'm great at math!"

"Oh, and what will win you over then?"

"Unless you can pull a Unicorn out of nowhere, then-" Barney quickly leaned down and picked up Trixie, placing her on the stand. The woman's face changed to happiness. "Aww! She's so cute!"

"Cute!?" Trixie replied "I'm not cute! I'm the Gweat and Powaful Twixie!!!"

"She talks!? That's so adorable!!!"

"You know," Barney spoke "You can have a lot more fun with her back in my place."

"Where is it!? I can't resist her eyes! They're so cute!!!" Trixie pouted. "Even when she's angry, she's so cute!!!"

"Daddy!" Trixie whined "I don't want her in ouw home!"

"Don't worry, Trixie," Barney replied, carrying Trixie in his arms "she's only going to be with us for the night. Suit up!" Trixie looked at her body

"But I'm naked." Barney looked down at her, seeing that she was naked.

"Then... we'll get you suit up tomorrow! So... I'll suit up!" Barney, Trixie, and the woman left the bar, heading towards Barney's apartment. The rest of the group watched in silence then turned to each other.

"There goes the neighborhood." Ted commented to himself, wincing in pain after saying it.

And that, Kids, it the beginning of what we called "The Great and Powerful pickups."

Next Chapter: The Playbook Estimated time remaining: 47 Minutes