Slender

Chapter 5: Union

Union

I staggered as I heard what Kenny had to say “Y-you are refusing because I’m not a pony?!”

Ken Shook his head “Nah, dude, I am saying I’m not doing it because you look like something out of H.P. Lovehooves deepest nightmares, and the last time I sang at a wedding, the husband tried to slug me because the wife flung herself at me, I’m sorry, but you trying to slug me would probably end with me having a busted skull. Good luck with getting someone though, I recommend you try Mic the Mic or The Piano stallions.” He then closed his door in my face and I could hear him walking away.

I paused a moment “The piano guys Ponified!? Screw Ken Ashcorp, I GOTTA GET TO THEM!” I Slenderwalked to where the Piano guys rehearsed, an old meadow off the side of Ponyville, surprisingly enough. I walked to them slowly with my hands raised in surrender as they were both unicorns and could blast me with magic, and I did not feel like using my aura “I was wondering if you would like to play at my wedding?

"Um sorry dude. I'm sure that we'd love to play at your wedding, but we've already got one to play at."

I looked to them in disappointment... before I decided to take one extra chance "Who is the gig for?" I begged to the Tuatha De Danaan that they would say it was for Pinkie...

"It's for some pony named Pinkie and Slendy. Some weird looking girl, she looked a lot like you actually, rushed up and asked. We were going to refuse, then she told us if we ever wanted to see the light of day again, we would play at their wedding."

I cheered "I am Slendy! Woohoo!" I picked the pianist up and hugged him "I could freaking kiss you right now!"

The pianist paled "Please don't..."

I set him down and began to dance with joy "YEAH!" I finished my little jig pointed to them happily "I'll pay you tomorrow!" I Slenderwalked to Pinkie, finding her in Golden Oaks Library with the rest of the mane six. I swept her up in my arms and kissed her, unaware of the rift opening up behind me, depositing a small jack in the box, with a note attached to it 'Paradox in a box, WIND ME UP!'

Twilight noticed the box and walked up to it before picking it up and began to inspect it, mumbling about 'conducting experiments.'

Suddenly, Lisa burst into the library. "OKAY! So I got the wedding to be held in Canterlot, Celestia to do the marriage, made the invitations, invited Pinkie's family and friends, got the honeymoon ready, and everything else!" She slumped onto a nearby chair. "Ugh, I need a break."

I smiled warmly and walked to Lisa, giving her a spine cracking bear hug and tussling her hair "Man... I wish Jason was here. Even though he had problems, he's like a brother to me."

Pinkie nodded excitedly "Yeah! I'd love to have him at the wedding! He's great at charades!" Lisa then stood up.

"MARX!" A portal opened up above them. A skeleton stuck his head out.

"Yes?"

"Can you grab Jason for me? Please?"

"Yeah sure." Marx snapped his fingers and a portal opened. From the portal came Jason. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to prepare a little sub dimension."

"Why?"

"Oh you know, reasons." Marx then left, and the portal closed.

I Slenderwalked to Jason and hugged him "Hey! Long time no see buddy! Guess what? Me and Pinks are getting married!"

Jason had a man struggling in his palms. He then snapped his victim's neck to the point where the victim could literally see behind his back turned to the voice. He pulled out a sign that read

WTF?! CARE TO REPEAT THAT?
I smiled "I'm getting married to Pinkie pie! I'm going to spend the rest of my days with her!"

Jason shook his head at the wrongness of the last part of that statement and pulled out another sign.

OKAY. THAT'S GREAT AND ALL BUT WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ME EXACTLY?! WHY CALL ME HERE? UNLESS THERE'S SOMEONE YOU WANT DEAD.

I smiled and patted him on the back "I want you to be the best man!"

Pinkie nodded "Me too! You were a super great friend when we met last, and Jerry-Cherry here thinks of you like a brother!"

I blushed and nudged Pinkie "TMI, Pinkie, TMI."

Jason stood stock still and thought on it, for years he hated and fought his own brother, and wasn't exactly keen on the idea of having another but on the other hand he didn't exactly want to hurt this guy's feelings plus he looked like he could stand to have someone looking out for him. Maybe just this once.
FINE I'LL BE YOUR "BEST MAN" AND YOUR "BROTHER" BUT ONLY ON THE CONDITION THAT I'M THE ELDEST.

I smiled "I was 23 when I was displaced, given that I have no Idea how long I was trapped with the voices, I'll just say it was a few moments. And sure, you can be my older bro!"

I JUST HOPE WE DON'T BECOME THE NEXT CAIN AND ABLE.

I shrugged "I doubt it, I'm not even Christian, I'm Celtic."

I MEANT THAT I END UP BECOMING SICK OF YOU AND KILL YOU.

I nodded "I know, just trying to lighten the mood! Besides, I'm not even sure either of us CAN really die, unless we get flung into the sun or something." I smiled and gestured for Jason to follow me "Lisa, I want to show Jason here what I found in the forest, mind keeping the girls entertained?"

"Yeah sure. Now would be the perfect time for the bachelorette party! C'mon girls!" Lisa grabbed Pinkie's hand and dragged her along as the other girls followed, talking about what they would do for the party.

I Slenderwalked Jason to the Royal Pony Sister's castle and smiled "You are going to love this!" I willed my meta-scythe into existence and then paused a moment, letting it fall into my hand as I let it split into four separate hand scythes like from Darksiders 2 and grabbing the other two hand scythes with a pair of Slendrils that I morphed into hands "Pretty cool, eh?"

Jason nodded in appreciation of the weapons his friend wielded

WHEN DID YOU GET THOSE?

I smiled "Found them in the woods a bit before I met Lisa. I think it amplifies my powers, because now I can make slendril arms and shadow arms come out of the ground." I then laughed "I can also apparently make Timberwolf Proxies, now all I need is to figure out how to slenderwalk through time."

UH-HUH. AND WHY EXACTLY WOULD YOU WANT TO TRAVEL THROUGH TIME?

I paused "Well, I want to prevent Cadence from being replaced by the bug bitch, and I'd LOVE to make a slendified copy of the tree of Harmony. I mean really, a tree that powerful bound to my power? I'd have my own admirals to fight alongside me! I'd make a Masky, Hoody, Ben drowned, etc. except without the evilness."

NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! PREVENTING THE WHOLE KIDNAPPING OF CADENCE WOULD BE WRONG AND CAUSE A WHOLE LOT OF DAMAGE TO THE TIMESTREAM OF YOUR UNIVERSE. SAME THING FOR THE TREE OF HARMONY! DO YOU WANT TO DESTROY PINKIE AND EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND CARE ABOUT? BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WILL HAPPEN!!

I shook my head quickly "While you got me on the Cadence wedding, I meant I want to know the origins of the tree of harmony, then get a SECOND origin point, be it a seed, a crystal, or even a magical artifact, if someone can make one of something, they can sure as hell make another." I then looked in the tree's direction "I want to be capable of doing Pinkie's job for her... I don't want her in the constant danger like she was in the show..."

JEREMY, LISTEN TO ME. DO NOT MESS WITH THE TREE OF HARMONY IN ANYWAY. THAT INCLUDES CREATING A SECOND ONE BASED ON YOUR POWER. YOU DO, THEN BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN. AND AS FOR PINKIE, IF YOU DO THAT SHE WILL ONLY GROW TO HATE YOU. SHE NEEDS TO STAND UP ON HER OWN HOOVES. BESIDES DANGER IS A PART OF LIFE, TAKE THE DANGER AWAY AND YOU MIGHT AS WELL KILL HER OR TURN HER INTO STONE.

I sighed "Well, can you help me think of a way to protect Pinkie without sacrificing her autonomy?"

IT'S SIMPLE: BE THERE FOR HER. SUPPORT HER IN ANY WAY YOU CAN. THAT'S THE WHOLE REASON YOU ARE MARRYING HER. WHAT YOU ARE SUGGESTING IS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU WANT.

Just then, a loud roar was heard outside, I Slenderwalked outside with Jason following in his lake mist to find a massive gorilla-like creature with blue, red and purple dragon scales with gold trim instead of Fur, and a long tail ending in quills dripping with green liquid. "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?! IT'S THE SIZE OF A FREAKING MONSTER TRUCK!" it then turned to us and roared angrily before pounding on its chest "Ummm... shit... this is going to suck, isn't it?"

MAYBE FOR YOU IT WILL. BUT NOT FOR ME!

With that Jason charged straight toward the creature, I sighed and slenderwalked above it, landing on its back and stabbing it with two of my scythes, digging myself into its back and slashing at it repeatedly with the other two, the beast roared in rage and tried to swat me off, luckily he could not reach me, some of it's blood sprayed into my nonexistent face and I felt a surge of information into my mind, comprised solely of its weaknesses "HEY! JASON! Slash at the wrists and he'll lose his balance!" I then leapt off and summoned my scythes, hitting it between the scales at an upward angle, planting them firmly between the scales and twisting my weapon to remove some of them, which almost instantly began to grow back. "Aim up! Hitting it between the scales is key! The scales are tougher than dragon hide!" I slenderdodged a quill and watched it hit a tree, making it wither and die before melting into mush on the floor. "HOLY SHIT!" I laughed as I dodged a few more quills "Maybe I should make this thing a proxy? That would kick ass!" I then noticed a mark over it's chest, a glowing red rune with smoke of the same color coming off of its surface "Wait... I think this thing is already bound to someone! Someone powerful, at that!" I smiled and slenderwalked to the left wrist and slashed at it, severing the tendons and making it fall to the left as I slenderwalked again to get out of the way. "Jason! You got the other arm? I'll distract this ugly bastard!" I slenderwalked into the air and smacked it in the face before slenderwalking over to a tree, slicing off a branch and throwing it at him "Bet ya can't hit me ya little pansy!"

DON'T TELL ME HOW TO FIGHT!! I read the sign that Jason threw at my head. It came with a picture of an angry face. I realized I was taking charge, and thus being an asshat.
I dodged a quill and leapt off the now melting tree "Sorry, brother! Just trying to help!" I then ran at the things ankles and slashed at them, cutting the tendons there as well and making it roar in agony as the diamond hard scales were easily bypassed by my curved blades.

Jason pulled out his machete and slashed three times at its chest, followed by four punches. He followed it up by grabbing the beast's neck and quickly stabbing it three times then a fourth stab that Jason pushed in slowly and deliberately, finishing it off with a back-breaker that snapped it's spine like a twig and a boot to the stomach that sent it flying.
I smiled as the creature let out it's death groans as it collided with a mountain wall and looked to Jason in shock as it began to shrink, becoming a small toy monkey with little cymbals. I picked it up and looked at it, seeing red stitching on it's chest that glowed with power. "I think we should take this with us, don't want someone who can't even fight the thing to find it and wake it up again or something..." I then thought a moment before shaking my head "Nah, I shouldn't give it to Gilda... even though she deserves to be this things lunch."

WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT GILDA?

I looked to him and simply said "No one freaking makes Flutters cry. NO ONE."

Jason turned around and walked slowly up to his "brother" making sure he was standing in the shadow of his height.

LISTEN YOU. I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH FANS LIKE YOU MAKING GILDA INTO A PARIAH SIMPLY BECAUSE SHE ROARED AT FLUTTERSHY. ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GONNA HOLD THAT AGAINST HER AND FORGIVE TRIXIE WHO NEED I REMIND YOU ENSLAVED THE WHOLE TOWN OF PONYVILLE?

I paused a moment "Well.... I guess I could forgive her if she apologized..." I sighed " Also, don't even bring up Trixie, that bitch just ignored Pinkie completely the first appearance... and THEN SHE FREAKING DELETED HER LIPS!" I began letting lose a minor slendy aura, making the grass around me die before I calmed myself down "If she deletes Pinkies lips, I can't freaking kiss my wife!"

FIRST OF ALL THIS COMING FROM A BEING WHO HAS NO FACE AT ALL. NEED I REMIND YOU THAT YOU CAN'T KISS HER WITHOUT THAT MASK. SECONDLY DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT WITHOUT LIPS THE TWO OF YOU WILL STOP LOVING EACH OTHER? THIRD MUCH LIKE CADANCE'S WEDDING IT NEEDS TO HAPPEN. FOURTH IT WAS A JOKE! SHE WASN'T HARMED IN THE SLIGHTEST! AND FIFTH MY POINT STILL STANDS!

I sighed and nodded "You are right, you know, for Jason Voorhees, you are really wise..."

THIS MAY BE JASON VOORHEE'S BODY BUT THE MIND AND HEART IS STILL MINE. THOUGH HIS SPIRIT IS STILL HERE.

I nodded "I had the same problem, had to get my inner slendy beaten into submission by Lisa."

I NEVER BEAT JASON INTO SUBMISSION, WE JUST CAME TO TERMS. LIKE A COMBINATION OF MARVEL'S VENOM AND CARNAGE

I laughed a moment "So you are like Krieg from Borderlands, but the murderous psychopath is on the inside?"

I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THAT IS OR WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.

"Just a video game I played."
I then looked towards Ponyville "Think we should head on back? Maybe Big Mac will join us and we can have a bachelor party." I then stopped a moment as a strange thought entered my head "I wonder... do normal ponies have strippers? If so... what the hell do they strip?"

BEATS ME. MAYBE REGULAR THINGS LIKE SOCKS, PANTIES, SADDLES, BRIDLES, SWIMWEAR, ETC. YOU KNOW, THE USUAL THEORIES.

I sighed contentedly before dismissing my scythe and summoning it in its combined form and used it as a walking stick as I walked in Ponyville's direction "I think this could count as a good bachelor party, don't you?"

Jason shrugged.

IF YOU WANT TO.

I then realized something "Wait, don't married couples usually do... that... on their honeymoon? Holy shit I'm going to lose my virginity to PINKIE PIE!"

WOAH, SLOW DOWN THERE. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU HAVE THOSE NECESSARY PARTS?

I blushed "I kind of... checked?" I rubbed the back of my head awkwardly "Let's not go into detail on that..."

THEY MAY BE THERE BUT DO THEY WORK? I DOUBT TARAKUDO INCLUDED THAT INTO HIS DEAL.

I shook my head "No... I checked me WITHOUT my mask... I gots da nuts and screw." I coughed uncomfortably "Turns out all slendy is missing is face and skin pigmentation... he's actually pretty set in genitalia..."

IF I WERE YOU I WOULDN'T RISK IT, WHO KNOWS WHAT DOING THAT COULD DO TO HER.

I then blushed "D-does that mean I have to talk to Tarakudo about editing my mask?" I then sighed "Fuck my life..."
WELL YOU DON'T HAVE TO. ONLY IF YOU WANT TO BE ABSOLUTELY SURE YOU DON'T GIVE PINKIE IRREVERSIBLE POISONING, MADNESS, OR ANY NUMBER OF CONDITION'S THAT MAKE CANCER LOOK LIKE THE COMMON COLD. AND THAT'S JUST WITH PINKIE, WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD HAPPEN TO POTENTIAL CHILDREN.

"I know that... I just mean... talking to him or Sunset Shimmer about getting junk that works will be... awkward..."

BEATS THE ALTERNATIVE. FOR THIS TYPE OF SPECIFICATION YOU'LL NEED TO TALK TO TARAKUDO DIRECTLY BUT THEN AGAIN THE TWO ARE RARELY FAR FROM EACH OTHER.

I nodded "I heard that Sunset is going to become Queen? Does that mean they are getting married?"
POSSIBLY. BUT THEN AGAIN SHE COULD SIMPLY BE QUEEN IN NAME ONLY, AND LET IT REFERENCE THE FACT THAT SHE IS FEMALE AND A CO-RULER LIKE THE PONY SISTERS.

I nodded and took out the card, preparing to summon Tarakudo and Sunset Shimmer "Hey, you think they'd like to be invited to the wedding? You know them better than me."

Jason shrugged.

MAYBE. THEY HAVE BEEN QUITE BUSY LAST TIME I CHECKED. PERHAPS THEY COULD USE A BREAK.

I nodded and put on my mask before holding out the card, turning into my anthro pony self before I began to speak."I summon Tarakudo! King of all Shadowkhan and Lord of all Oni!"

I looked on as a rift opened in mid air and out walked Sunset Shimmer.

"Hello again, Slenderman, Jason. What can I do for you?"

I blushed and mumbled out "I want genitalia for my pony form...a-and I was wondering if you and Tarakudo would like to be in attendance for Pinkie and MY wedding..."

"I'm sorry but could you repeat that?"

I blushed further "I want functioning genitalia... I don't want to have to be celibate in my marriage to Pinkie..." I looked to the Monkey in my right hand "W-would this pay for it? It's a sealed form of a gorilla monster we fought earlier..." The only thing running through Jeremies head was 'FML FML FML FML FML FML!'

There was silence for a few moments that seemed to last an eternity Sunset burst into laughter. After laughing at my expense for about ten minutes Sunset managed to compose herself. "So you are actually going to marry the Pink menace? Unbelievable. Unfortunately such detail is beyond my power at the moment. If you want it you will have to ask Tarakudo directly."

I looked to her beseechingly "What do I have to do? I'll walk right up to him in a teenagers prom dress if need be!"

"That won't be necessary I already have a court jester." said a voice that seemed to echo all around them.

A red Oni head suddenly materialized right above Sunset Shimmer's shoulder.

"So I hear someone wishes to ask a favor of me?"

I nodded and bowed respectfully "I wish to have my mask modified so that I may mate with my soon to be bride, and I was wondering if you would like to attend the wedding?"

Much like Sunset, Tarakudo burst into laughter but unlike Sunset the laugh held no humor.

"You may rise. What you ask for is possible but you do realize I will have to alter our original agreement, correct?"

I nodded "I understand this, I was wondering if maybe this sealed monster may be of use? Mayhaps you could duplicate it and use it for war mounts? It is quite the powerful monster."

"Maybe but that won't even cover 2 percent of your debt. Sunset be a dear and take it from him, please." Tarakudo answered and Sunset obeyed.

I looked to Tarakudo cautiously "as long as I am not forced to hurt an innocent, I will pay any price, but be warned, if you tell me to harm an innocent I WILL refuse."

There was moment of silence before Sunset, Tarakudo and Jason (with the help of his signs) all burst into laughter.

After they calmed down, Tarakudo grinned wickedly "My dear boy, innocence is only relative to one's perspective. Besides you don't have a choice in the matter. The last time you did was before my beautiful Sunset left your world. Once she did, it was out of your hands, hooves, slendrils, whatever. But don't worry I'm a considerate king and not completely heartless. I will take your feelings into consideration every time I decide to use you."

I smiled trollishly "So you think Sunset Shimmer is beautiful? I had a feeling, since you were going to make her queen, and I thank you for your consideration, my invitation still stands, if you are so inclined."

"I don't think she is. I know she is. But back to our deal. Originally, I had planned seven years of service to me and Sunset as payment for the mask and as an additional fee for your bad timing but for this...I think a lifetime's worth of service should do adequately. After all, a life for a life, as the saying goes."

I nodded "So... we talking sea turtle lifetimes, fruit fly, human, pony, Dragon? cause I wanna be sure I can still live happily with my wife, maybe I work 6:00 AM to 7:00 PM?"

"Displaced lifetime. As in you work for Tarakudo forever and your life and your loyalty belongs to him ." Sunset added. "But don't worry we're not going to have you move to our world to serve us. Just for now on when we want you, you'll be transported to our world until the task is done, then sent back, no questions asked. In other words we say 'jump', you say how high?"

I nodded, then smiled jokingly "Though I'll probably just slenderwalk how high you tell me to, as I'm a lazy bastard."

"Well then looks like we're in agreement. By the way, I should warn you refusal to work and giving less than your absolute best will not be tolerated. You do, and bad things will happen. As in worse than 'the Plagues of Egypt' bad." Tarakudo continued.

I nodded "Understood, as long as I do a good job, that doesn't happen."

"It also means your definition of good and innocence has no meaning unless I give them meaning."

I shrugged "I just mean that if you tell me to kill a baby in its crib, I'll want a reason why."

"Don't worry I doubt that will happen but if it does I'll be sure to give you one. Now hold still, this will hurt. A lot."

Tarakudo lifted Slendy into the air using his telekinesis and began to slowly and painfully cut his brand into not only his new servant's flesh but his very soul. He then used shadowfire to cauterize the wounds.

I screamed as he branded me "HOLY CRAP CRACKERS! THAT BLOODY HURT!"I then looked to my suit, which had a new marking on it, which was blood red, "Welp, I look even more badass than Cabadath now."

"There now. That brand marks you as one of my newest additions to my army. You'll need it if you don't want my Shadowkhan or Oni generals to end your existence. It also serves a link to your mind so Sunset, my generals or I can give you your orders."

I nodded uncomfortably "Good to know... My privacy is now dead."

"Cheer up. It's all in the name of love, right? Besides it's not like we'll be peeking when you and your waifu do the deed." Sunset added cheerfully

I nodded gruffly "Yeah, else I'll take off my mask and show you all the horror that is Slendy naked.

A rift then opened and a familiar wind up box appeared, this time winding itself up and a cartoony clown hand coming out, holding a note saying "GIVE ME BACK MY LURKER!- Raphael"

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

I shrugged at Jason, myself unsure "Beats me. maybe some clown demon?"

I HOPE NOT, I HATE CLOWNS.

I nodded "Me too, decked one in the groin when I was five." The cartoonish hand then opened it's hand, as if it wanted something. The note then changed 'Give me the freaking monkey, NOW!-Raphael's friend' the box was beginning to shake as a terrifying level of power emanating from it and it stretched and groaned.

WELL WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH IT?

I shrugged "Maybe give it the monkey?" I looked to Tarakudo questioningly "Would that be ok?"

"Meh, I don't care. But if he wants it then he can come here and get it himself." Tarakudo answered offhandedly.

The note changed "So be it. -Raphael's friend" The box ejected a giant clown that looked similar to a medieval jester, with a giant hammer and big, burly build. "Behold! I am The jack of chaos! Fear my power!"

A tumbleweed blows in between the group and the clown sighed, hitting Jason with his hammer and knocking him halfway to Ponyville, crashing through several hundred trees "Just give me the damn monkey, my boss is pissed and I just want to go home."

A machete flew straight from where Jason was sent and sliced off one of it's arms. A second later Jason reappeared from out of his lake mist.

DUDE! THAT WAS WAY RUDE. I DON'T CARE WHO YOU WORK FOR BUT WHATEVER THE REASON, AN EYE-FOR-AN-EYE.

The clown sighed "I knew this job was going to suck..." He grunted as he snapped his other arms fingers, making the severed arm reappear on his body, good as new "Now can you please give me the bloody monkey so I can go home? I just want to get back home and prove the Spades wrong."

AFTER THAT UNWARRANTED ATTACK? WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A RUSTY SHOVEL, SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS WITH NO LUBE, AND FUCK YOURSELF WITH IT UNTIL YOU SPLIT IN HALF! Jason who was quite obviously pissed off then proceeded to bludgeon the clown with the very sign that he just had him read.

The clown grabbed the sign and it began to smoke and smolder as a red energy coursed through his arms and into the sign "I am getting impatient, I'm sorry for attacking you, I just figured showing I wasn't some pansy was needed, and you seemed to be the most durable and likely to survive. Also," He pointed to Shimmer "I don't hit girls unless if my master demands I do it, or I am protecting myself." He then pointed to Tarakudo "And I don't think I'd survive pissing him off for long." He then noticed the brand on me, and groaned "Aaww man! I was supposed to convince you to work for Raphael! SHIT!"

FINE WHATEVER. TAKE THE MONKEY AND GO BEFORE I REALLY GET MAD!

Sunset looked to Tarakudo who nodded. "We'll give you your creature back for a price."

The clown sighed "What's the price? Raphael's pretty creative... "

"Pfft. Are you serious? Master Tarakudo doesn't negotiate with weaklings, servants and those who attack his allies. He is a king and deserves respect! Raphael must come and negotiate with Master Tarakudo face to face." Sunset snarled.

The clown looked very uncomfortable "Okay... I'll open a rift channel..." He took out a dagger and sliced it in mid-air, cutting through space itself, creating a small screen from which a voice could be heard "Jackie, did you get my Lurker, Oswald? I do miss him so..."

The clown laughed uneasily "Yeah... about that... Tarakudo has him..."

The screen ws silent for a moment before a loud laughter was heard "You mean the floating head guy with ZERO imagination, for all the power he has? I mean, make a creature or two, at least! Hell, with his level of power I'm surprised he didn't try his hand at being a god!"

The clown looked to the screen even more uneasily "He's right here..."

Raphael's screen turned blood red "AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!? NOW I LOOK LIKE A BLOODY GIT!"

The screen turned to Tarakudo and extended a gloved hand with which it gestured toward his Lurker "So, what do you want for my creature?"

"Well I was going to sell him to you cheap but after what was said about me I think I'll just keep him and your clown."

At that moment the clown's shadow was slowly disappearing and he collapsed unto his knees "Wh-why?! Master, SAVE ME! It hurts, master!"

The screen paused a moment "I really don't care about the Jack, as this was supposed to be the mission that ended his debt to me. I would have had to replace him anyway, too inept at his job." I then felt a tug at my collar and flew towards the screen "I do so wish I was able to lay claim on you, but don't worry, I'll still be keeping an eye on you, as you interest me, and that hasn't happened in millenia." Raphael then laughed "Oh, and I left a little parting gift in the Jack, in case if anyone else tried to claim him, cheerio!" The clown then was enveloped in a red light and exploded in a shower of confetti and blood as the screen winked out of existence, I then finally fell to the ground, getting the feeling back in my legs.

"I really hate that guy." Sunset and Tarakudo said in unison.

The screen came back for a second before a smile face was seen "Oh, and Tarry? You should tell Sunset your feelings for her, Ta!" the screen then disappeared again, leaving a cluster of red crystals, which I curiously touched, feeling a rush of energy that made me feel anything was possible to me. I snatched my hand away and looked at it carefully, realizing that this was some seriously powerful stuff, I grabbed it again and quickly placed it on the bottom of my scythe, feeling my power boosted by the crystals as my hands turned blood red.

"Well that happened. Ok we'll stay for your wedding if only to keep an eye on things." Sunset said.

I nodded "Yeah, that was weird... " I put on my mask and saw that my coat had changed, I was now blood red with blue mane and a cutie mark of a laughing mask, I was also buffer, about Big Macs size, with a very attractive, masculine build "Hmmm... guess Raphael's power rubbed off on me more than I thought..." I then looked to Jason "You ready to go?"

YEAH. AFTER THAT I'M ACTUALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS THING.

I slenderwalked back to Ponyville with Jason and my new employers following me, I then looked to Tarakudo, who was still just a head "Umm... is there any way you could grow a body, sir? I don't want to freak ponies out any more than necessary." I then gasped "Am I going to have to quit my job at sugar cube corner?"

Tarakudo and Sunset both glared at me before answering, "That's none of your business and no."

I raised my hands in surrender "Hey, just making sure that you aren't attacked by Celestia or something." I then laughed "But now that I think about it, you could probably snuff her out like a candle."

"Indeed but worry not." Tarakudo disappeared and Sunset pulled down a mask that looked like Tarakudo only his eyes were replaced by Sunset's eyes and at the same time Sunset transformed into her pony self but her usual fur color turned to a dark blue-green shade, the color of the Shadowkhan's skin. Her hair however remained the same.

I laughed again "It's like Wolf Link, but cuter!"

"Say that again and I'll show you just how cute I can be." said Sunset but this time her voice sounded both like her's and Tarakudo's at the same time and very demonic.

I waved my arms "In case if you are pissed, I'll stop." I then saw Pinkie and Lisa walking towards me along with Twilight and Fluttershy, Whom I assume were bridesmaids. "Hey, honey! Hi sis! you ready to go?" They nodded.

"Yeah, the bachelorette party was pretty fun!"

I laughed "You know, I just had an interesting and slightly mortifying Bachelor party myself, took care of some business, let's just say that the honeymoon will be a blast!" I gave a thumbs up and I could sense everyone who knows me across the multiverse have a facepalm moment.

I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT. I SHOULD STAB YOU FOR THAT PUN.

I nodded with a small blush as I realized how bad my pun was "Sorry..." I then looked to Ponyville station and smiled as the train came into the station "Let's get going, shall we?" Pinkie and the girls nodded and we got on, riding straight for Canterlot and talking with each other animatedly.

We arrived at the Canterlot Castle. About an hour after arriving at Canterlot Proper, I walked with My friends and... Taraset shimmerkudo? I don't know what to call them... my employers, I'll just call them that. I entered the wedding chamber and waited as Pinkie got ready, I then saw Maud coming towards me. I nodded respectfully to her as she reached me "So your Jeremy, huh? Well, I hope you and Pinkie are happy together. Cause if you hurt her, I will hunt you down and crush you like a dirt clod."

I laughed uncomfortably and watched her walk to her position as bridesmaid, I then saw Pinkie coming down the aisle and was awestruck, she looked so... beautiful.... she had her mane done up like it was from the crystal empire episode, and wore a dress of the purest white, with several bangles and other accessories added on.

"Don't you know it's bad luck to see the bride early?" Sunset asked appearing from out of nowhere.

I smiled "She's coming down the aisle and is wearing a veil, we are observing all of the traditions, besides, I think I've met my bad luck quota for the year, meeting that clown freak and the … Lurker thingy..."

"Famous last words." Sunset said mysteriously before vanishing into the shadows.

Pinkie then came down the aisle to me as Spike and the CMC came behind her. Spike acting as the ring bearer and the CMC acting as flower girls. Celestia proceeded to say the readings and the vows.

Once she was done, Celestia looked to me "Jeremy Farkness, do you take Pinkie Pie, to be your lawful wife, to have and to hold from this day onward, for better, or for worse, for richer, or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?"

I nodded, my suit feeling warmer than usual, as if there was an energy filling the air. "I do."

Celestia then looked to Pinkie and smiled "Pinkie Pie, do you take Jeremy Farkness to be your lawful husband, to have and to hold from this day onward, for better, or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?"

Pinkie nodded tearfully, I could tell as they were falling from behind her veil "I do!"

"Then by the power bestowed in me, I declare you Eldritch Abomination and Mare! You may now kiss the bride!" I leaned in and kissed Pinkie on the lips. Everyone started cheering. Then, I heard Twilight mumbling, I turned to her curiously.
Sunset who had a seat all to herself in the front row in direct view of Celestia suddenly felt a familiar shivering sensation. 'Something is about to happen. Prepare yourself and stay on your guard. I'll alert Jason.' Tarakudo's voice echoed in Sunset 's mind.
"Seems like a good time as any." She took out the box from earlier and started to wind it. Once it was done winding, a portal opened.

A short man in a red business suit with a matching tie and fedora walked through the portal. He had messy red hair and eyes that reminded me of fire. He had a cane in hand, which was cut from redwood and polished to a brilliant sheen, it also had a golden handle in the shape of a dragons skull, and in its mouth was a floating uncut ruby, with several smaller uncut rubies orbiting around it.

"Hello, mortals! I am Raphael, Lord of all chaos and inventor of the party and fun times!" He looked to me and pointed his cane at me "You! You found my pet lurker Oswald, I owe you a party for that!" He snapped his fingers and party cannons appeared everywhere They all went off at the same time, causing chaos to ensure. Some of them just fired off confetti, but others fired crocodiles, or rockets, or balls of fire. Everyone started to panic, running around in the sudden calamity. Raphael Just laughed "Dumb ponies, panicking at a little illusion, it's not even bloody there!" he then touched the fire and his smile dissipated "Oh..." I then noticed the only one that wasn't panicking was Lisa. In fact, a red aura started to surround her. She was shaking with anger. She slowly turned to Raphael.

"I had spent, all day, planning this. I had to make and send invitations, had to plan the reception, had to ask Celestia to do the marriage, as well as a whole slew of other things! It was all going well, everything was just, fine. Then, you come along. You just barge in, and just, started, causing, chaos, ruining everything." The red aura started getting bigger, and turning black.

Raphael laughed "That's my job! keep things changing! I really have to thank the merchant, he made my job so much easier, all I've really had to do was save that poor sap he tried to turn into Slendy. Idiot thought he could make a second ascendant being! I had to cram Slendy into his soul and imbue him with chaos so his soul wouldn't shatter! Ha! Such a wonderful vacation."

"So, you saved my little brother? Well, for that, I may just let you live!" The aura became completely black, a cut appeared on her face creating a blood filled mouth. She gained claws, and her slendrils came out.

"GRAAAAHHHH!" Lisa roared in fury. A portal then opened up, and she fell through.

"OOH! Are we playing hide and seek? I do love that game, such fun." Raphael jested before he was shoved in after her by Marx.

"Welp, we're probably going to have one less displacer after this." I looked at him questionably. "Lisa is currently in Mad Mode Three. Her full fury is unleashed in this form."

I looked to him curiously as I pondered on what Raphael was doing, I really didn't hold the 'wrecked' wedding against him, if someone hurt my dog max back home, I'd try to kick their ass no matter where I found them."Yes but how would that equal to one less displacer? and how do I calm her down? I owe that guy big time, he saved my life!"

"When Lisa Mad Mode Three last came out, I sealed her in a sub dimension. She proceeded to destroy it." My eyes widened. Suddenly another portal opened with Raphael hanging on to the edge of it. He was bloody and beaten up.

"I do think I would like to leave now, would ya be a dear and let me out?"

"GET BACK HERE! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET!" A slendril wrapped around Raphael's neck and he was dragged back in. The portal closed.

Marx gestured to the portals former location "See what I mean?" I nodded. Lisa was pretty scary when she was like this.

"Should we help? I really don't think he should die, the multiverse needs chaos to function..."

"Dude, I messed with Lisa Mad Mode Three once, it did not end well. She threw three universes into a rip in time and space which she made by ripping a hole in part of the void. We have, no chance to save him. We can only hope that she calms down enough to let him live." Suddenly, another portal opened up and Lisa, still in Mad Mode Three, walked out dragging a bloody and unconscious Raphael behind her. She let him flop on the ground, and turned to Marx.

"Marx?" Marx gulped in fear.

"Y-Yes?"

"Can you put everything back to the way it was?" It was a question, that sounded more like an order, with an "I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T!" tone to it. Marx nodded, snapped his fingers, and everything went back to normal. The fires were put out, the walls were repaired, and everybody was put back into their seats.

"Thank you." Lisa had finally calmed down. I gulped and poked Raphael, my crystal flashing as he healed completely and began snoring, mumbling about sexy slender women. Lisa turned to him, apparently hearing what he had mumbled, and glared at him. She picked him up, and dropped kicked him out the window.

"AND STAY OUT!" Lisa turned back to us. "Now, where were we?" Everyone just cheered and things continued as if none of that had ever happened.

Pinkie looked out the window and then to me "I think Lisa needs a party..."

I nodded and kissed my wife before looking to Lisa as Raphael reappeared, standing in front of me "I think your sister is highly attractive, cheerio!" He then disappeared and left a rose with a letter by it. Lisa opened the letter and read it. She groaned and rubbed her temples.

"Ugh why me?" I took the letter from her and read it aloud.

To Lisa,

I must say, you are quite the feisty woman. Your body is amazing, and best of all, you know how to fight! And I've never lost in a battle, yet you beat me like it was nothing! And now, you have earned my heart. I know, you should feel honored, but do not fret. I will except your love when you are ready to give it.

Love, Raphael Zmatoc.

I laughed "Looks like you have an admirer, sis!" Lisa groaned again. Pinkie walked up to her and wrapped an arm around her.

"You know what you need? A party! Come on, let's go to that great reception you planned!" Lisa nodded.

"Yeah a party sounds good right now."

I nodded and laughed as I walked into the reception, watching Pinkie and the girls celebrate as I felt around my new body, seeing that my mask form was indeed HIGHLY endowed with procreational organs.

As I finished checking myself out, a paradox in the box appeared, winding itself up and depositing an anthro fox that was about 4 foot 5 onto the ballroom floor, he had the same outfit and cane as Raphael, but... he seemed MUCH less powerful... Lisa however, didn't seem to notice the difference.

"GOD DAMN IT!" She ran up to him and grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt. "WHY DID YOU COME BACK?! DO YOU WANT ME TO KILL YOU?!"

The little fox man looked to her in horror "Wh-what?! I'm just a guy from Idaho! What the hell are you talking about!?" He then saw Pinkie Pie and screamed like a little girl "AH! PINKAMENA DIANE PIE! DON'T LET HER BAKE ME INTO A CUPCAKE!"

Pinkie looked queasy at the thought of what he was implying, and I grabbed him and began to shake him roughly "DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT MY WIFE LIKE THAT YOU BASTARD!"

A large hand settled on my shoulder and pried me away from the poor fox person. I was then immediately hit on the head with an iron sign.

ENOUGH JEREMY! CONTROL YOURSELF! USE THAT TINY HEAD OF YOURS AND THINK! WHY WOULD ANYONE BE SCARED OF PINKY OR ACCUSE HER OF BAKING SOMEONE INTO CUPCAKES? OBVIOUSLY WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS SOMEONE LIKE "US". PLUS ON TOP OF THAT JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE INSULTS YOUR WIFE-PONY DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO ATTACK THEM!

I paused a moment before nodding "You are right..." I offered my hand to the fox man and smiled, unaware of the horror in his eyes.

He then proceeded to scream even more "OH MY GOD IT IS SLENDY DON'T KILL ME PLEASE!" Wait, WHAT?! HE CAN SEE THROUGH MY MASK?!

Sunset took this moment to add her two cents. "The mask only hides you from Mlp beings not Displaced."

There was a burst of energy and I was knocked back by something large and heavy, I looked where I was to see a massive humanoid creature made of stone had a serious underbite appeared, it wore a red top hat and blue tuxedo, with white gloves and black dress shoes. "I am Griswell Stone heart! I am the high priest of the spawns, and I shall smite thee!" the stone ogre sounded like Tyrael from Diablo 3, and was wielding a large pickaxe/hammer combo.

The fox man looked to Griswell in shock "G-Griswell?! B-but... I made you up!"

Griswell chuckled "I shall explain later, planewalker, now is the time for battle, is it not?"

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? Sunset read the sign Jason produced and agreed wholeheartedly.

GREAT. ANOTHER ONE. WHAT DO YOU WANT "GRISWELL"?

Griswell smiled "I exist to protect the innocent, young Barry. As was my purpose since birth, the Stone Ogres are stout and stern in both spirit and mind, never wavering in their purpose." He laughed heartily "And now that I take a good look at thy souls, I see my creator is in no danger. Well, not as long as your inner beasts are contained." He then turned to the fox man "Now Carl, I must ask that you return me to your mind, I must return to Zinu's aid."

I then picked myself up out of the wall and looked angrily to Griswell "Why the bloody hell did you attack me then?!"

Griswell rubbed the back of his head "I saw the monster within you and Barry, young Jeremy, and, as a priest of the concepts, it had put me on edge."

"SILENCE!"Sunset commanded. "Begone from here worm. Or face our wrath!"

Griswell smiled "I see you, Tarakudo, why don't you come out? I would like to meet the one I wish my creator to serve."

Sunset gave a beastial growl before Tarakudo materialized. "Make no mistake Mr. Griswell. I'm only deigning you with my presence simply because of what you said intrigues me. Speak now or never again."

Griswell smiled warmly "I am a creation of Carl's here, that Raphael made a reality to. I am from the book Carl was working on, and Raphael was amused by it, and there is no need to call me mister, I am actually quite young for a Stone Ogre, only 5,000 years, give or take. Carl here was displaced as Raphael, and while quite cowardly, he has a heart of gold and loyalty unmatched. He can summon one of us at a time, be us good or evil, and we will serve his will."

"Uh-huh. Getting bored here. What makes you think he'll be useful to Master Tarakudo?" Sunset interjected.

Griswell thought a moment "Well, there is the fact that his powers shall grow over time, eventually becoming capable of summoning entire armies, all bound to his will, I'd rather he be bound to me, than either an enemy, or a free agent. and may I mention he imagined the Lurkers that Raphael is so fond of as siege engines?" He then laughed "Besides if you destroy me, he can just make me again."

Carl was hiding behind a table until this point, to which he slowly came out with his cane in hand "Umm... does the cane work like I think it does?"

Griswell looked to Carl by turning to him, as he had no neck and had a massive hunch and nodded "It is exactly like Raphael's cane, except weaker. Now, back to business."
Tarakudo examined the boy for moment, "Hmph. I suppose I'll take him if for no other reason than to see that his power doesn't simply waste away. But I'm not impressed, not by a long shot."
Griswell shrugged "I know, I could see the lack of interest in your soul."
I then looked to him curiously "His soul?"
Griswell nodded "I am technically blind, all I can see is from the light of souls and life force." He then shrugged "Not much of a loss, as all living things have life force, even germs and insects, so I can see pretty well. Only downside is that I can't forge my own weapons like most Stone Ogres, I had mine made by king Dravidium Forgefire himself, the greatest of the Stone Ogre smithies, so great that he leads the Stone Ogres because of it."

THUNK. THUNK. THUNK.

Everyone turned to see Lisa banging her head against a nearby wooden post, with Rarity rubbing her back for comfort.

"Why? Of all the god damn times why does this crap have to happen now?"

"It'll be alright darling."

"BUT I WORKED SO HARD!" Lisa started to break down crying and Rarity hugged her. Everyone turned to me for an explanation.

"Ummm... she's had a rough day."

NO KIDDING. BUT SHE SHOULD BE USED TO IT BY NOW. I MEAN CONSIDERING THE WORLD WE OCCUPY, THIS TYPE OF THING IS NORMAL.

I nodded "Yeah, I agree, so..." I looked to Tarakudo "Am I going to have to keep an eye on him?"

"What do you think?" Tarakudo said simply.

"I think that you don't understand shit Jason!" Everyone looked at Lisa, who had apparently noticed the sign, as she walked up to Jason. "Do you have any idea what happens to me when I get as mad as I did before?"

JUDGING BY YOUR "FACIAL EXPRESSION", YOUR REACTION, BODY LANGUAGE, AND YOUR VOICE, YES I CAN.

A portal opened up and Marx came out. "Actually, I bet you that you can't."

If one looked real closely one could see Jason rolling his eyes but his mask hid his expression.

BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT TO BELIEVE. I DON'T CARE.

I raised my hand "Trust me Jason, I felt what it's like going into mad mode ONE, it felt like I was being dunked in acid while being forced to watch generation three and High school musical having babies... It was hell...I don't want to KNOW what mad mode three is like..."

WHATEVER. STILL DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT SHE SHOULD BE USED TO THIS.

I shrugged and nodded as we went on with the matter at hand "So, Tarakudo, my master, wants me to keep an eye on you, Carl."

Carl nodded "W-well... okay..." He then looked around until he saw Fluttershy hiding under a table, signified by her bounteous booty and pink tail, if one were to have kept an eye on her, she had run there ever since Marx had teleported them back to their seats "A-are you okay, Miss?"

Fluttershy peeked out behind her before seeing Carl and jumping out, cuddling him to her bosom inadvertently "Oh you are so cute and fluffy! What's your name?"

Carl stammered "I-I'm Carl... f-from I-Idaho..."

Fluttershy gasped and held him out "Y-you can talk?! That is so wonderful!"

Carl looked down to see he was in the air and began to get queasy "P-p-please let me down..."

I laughed as Fluttershy gently set him down "Seems Carl has made a friend!"

"Indeed. I haven't seen this much love in one room since Narcissus discovered himself." Tarakudo replied dryly.

I looked to Pinkie, who was smiling and laughing as she talked with the cakes, who had not yet had their foals "Think they'll start dating, Pinkie?"

Fluttershy and Carl blushed deeply until Carl dismissed Griswell and ran under the table that Fluttershy was hiding under mere moments ago "I-I'm sorry! I'll leave you alone now!"

Fluttershy looked curiously to the table "What's wrong?"

Carl looked to Fluttershy as if she asked why the sky was blue "I... I'm not a pony... isn't it weird for ponies to date non-ponies?"

I laughed "Really? I'm not even from this dimension, and I'm MARRYING a pony."

COMPARED TO EVERYTHING ELSE THAT'S HAPPENED IN OUR LIVES UP TO THIS POINT I'D SAY IT'S PRETTY NORMAL.
Carl then looked to Fluttershy and blushed "Th-then... could we go out sometime?"
Fluttershy nodded warmly, a blush coloring her cheeks "I'd... like that very much."
I then smiled as one of the piano stallions whispered in my ear "Well, ladies and gents! I am going to sing a song with the piano stallions in place of a speech, hope you all like it, especially you Pinks!"
{Author here, play these both together!}

[youtube=https://youtu.be/QgaTQ5-XfMM]
[youtube=https://youtu.be/Oep86ZNIi3o]
Pinkie pie teared up and hugged me when I finished, and everyone started to applaud in whatever way they could, I looked to Jason and my masters, along with Carl and Lisa "So, how was I?"
The group looked at each other before presenting their judgements.
Jason held up a sign that had a picture of a thumb pointing to the side, Tarakudo held up a sign that had a 7 and Sunset held up a sign that had 01 on it, she realized that she was holding the sign upside down and corrected it to say 10 then held up another sign that said Meh.
Carl smiled and held up his cane before tapping it on the ground, summoning a sign that said 10 before tapping it again and the sign disappeared
I smiled "Thanks for your input! Now..." Pinkie and I looked to each other for a moment before speaking in unison "LET'S PARTY!" Marx floated into the air and opened another portal.
"FREE OTHERWORLDLY CANDY FOR EVERYONE!" Candy proceeded to pour out from the portal causing everyone to laugh. I picked up a piece of candy to see where it was from. It was a pack of skittles. I looked around and saw other candy from earth. I looked up at Marx.
"Where did you?"
"NO IDEA!" He then flew around and enjoyed the rest of the party. I turned and saw Lisa. She was dancing around and having fun with everypony else. I even noticed some other stallions going googly eyed at her, which made me laugh. I walked up to her.
"Looks like you've got more than just a displacer for an admirer." Lisa looked at all the other stallions, who quickly turned away, and shrugged.
"Of course I do." I just laughed.
"So, having fun?"
"Totally! This party just seems to take away the stress from the wedding and my Mad Mode Three freak out." I nodded.
"I'm still surprised that you can take on a displacer when you're like that."
"Yeah well, it helps when I can't feel pain in that mode, and I have Deadpool healing on steroids." I laughed.
"Really?"
"Yep. It's a shame that I only get it when I go Mad Mode Two or Three."
"Yea well, thanks for helping out with everything."
"You're welcome."
I smiled and looked to see Jason was talking with Tarakudo and Sunset Shimmer, along with Griswell, who had not yet been dismissed. "So are we agreed that Stone Ogres would be useful in forges, what with our metal bones, rubber muscles, and stone skin?" Griswell chuckled "Remind me to tell you of the time my brother Groswell chose his weapon. Oh, the parents went into hysterics." He sighed in fond remembrance before he looked to Jason regretfully "I apologize profusely if I unsettled you with my knowledge of your name, I should have had the decency to at least ask it first."
WHATEVER. WHAT'S DONE IS DONE. JUST DON'T GO SPREADING THAT INFO AROUND. OTHERWISE, I'LL BE COMING AFTER YOU.
Griswell smiled "I would never, Jason. " He then looked to Tarakudo "Would you like me to requisition an armament for young sunset shimmer, My lord? Stone Ogres make the best mystical focuses, honestly, we are unmatched in the making of armor as well, if it comes to making something, we can't be beat!" He then looked to Sunset, or, more accurately, her arms "It seems that the smithy in question would need to use lightweight metals, as Sunset is not of the same... girth, as the Faeterran peoples."
"Are you calling me fat?" Sunset asked in a dangerous tone.
Griswell shook his head "No, I am saying you most likely could not lift a Stone Ogre or Bjorn weapon, as they weigh at least 58 lbs. on average. even if you could lift it, swinging it around would grow exhausting."
"So. You're calling me weak then?" Sunset said acidly. Sunset began stepping toward the ogre until she was only inches from his face.
Griswell shook his head "No, I am quite certain that for someone who is not fifteen feet tall and has muscles made of super tough rubber, you are quite strong. But my hammer is half your size, I am simply saying it would not be practical for you to have a weapon that big."
DUDE. YOU SHOULD STOP NOW. Jason warned with a VERY bloody sign
Sunset growled, grabbed Griswell by the leg and lifted him up as easily as she would a pebble. She then began to spin around and around with the ogre spinning with her, before Sunset let go and flung him out the door. Tarakudo merely shook his head, before saying "She's cute when she's mad"
Griswell then calmly walked back in, not even a scratch on his surface, whatever he was made out of, it was TOUGH. "I assume you want a Stone Ogre sized weapon then? Do you want a pick hammer, an enchanted rivet gun, or a combat bell?" He then saw me staring at him slack jawed "Oh, are you wondering why I am unharmed? It is just due to my stone Ogre heritage, we have very sturdy bodies," He then laughed "I'm actually fragile compared to the warrior Stone Ogres, though. I believe you would call me a mage, or, more accurately, a priest, it is my job to protect the people of Faeterra from what goes bump in the night, along with my paladin brother Groswell."
"Plus don't forget I only threw you. I doubt a simple throw would hurt you." Sunset added.
Griswell nodded before thinking a moment "You know, what with the magical and physical power you have, a Paladins Combat Bell would fit you well. Would you like it if I had my brother come to demonstrate the combat bell?" He then waved over Carl, who was eating nearby with Fluttershy.
Sunset shrugged, "Meh. I suppose there's no harm in a demonstration."
Griswell nodded to Carl, whom tapped his cane on the ground and Griswell was replaced by a slightly taller Stone Ogre in full body armor, with a massive spiked bell chained to his wrist, made from luminescent white metal "I hear that you would like a demonstration of my skill? What would you like to see first, my physical combat, or my magical?" He then heard an eep and looked behind him to see Fluttershy "Worry not, young one, I shall not harm thee."
Carl nodded "Yeah, Groswell would never attack someone without a good reason..."
"Surprise me."
Groswell nodded and led us to the courtyard, so as to prevent collateral damage. He pulled his bell out and punched it hard enough to make a loud gong, summoning about twenty golems made from dirt and grass. "Okay, whelps, time for practice!"
He began masterfully swinging his spiked bell around, crushing three before flipping and slamming the bell on the ground, creating a shockwave that dazed the rest of them, he then did a leg sweep with the chain and then jumping into the air while holding the bell, which grew as he landed and trapped the golems inside, he then banged the bell once and the bottom sealed as it began to shrink, the sound of breaking stones and crushing dirt clods could be heard from inside, he then emptied out his bell and smiled "My bell can summon golems from the earth to assist me in battle, I can also heal my allies and change the size of the bell at will."
He then threw his bell upwards, the metal object stopping mid flight as he focused on it "The bell is also tied to my will, so I can control the chain and bell with my mind." He then brought down the bell and rested it neatly in his hand before aiming it at the sole surviving golem
"I can also use the bell to channel my mana and cast powerful spells, for example." He banged the bell and a white and blue fireball barrelled into the golem, reducing it to ash "That was a mid-level smite spell, especially useful against demons and undead."
He then looked to Tarakudo, and then to Sunset Shimmer "But I have a feeling you would do better with the darker side of magic, what with your employer, and before you say it, no, I am not calling either of you evil, I am just saying your elements would be on the darker side, and trying to cast a light based spell would result in harming thyself, I actually know a good number of dark element inclined creatures that are perfectly noble, instead of smite, a combination of light and fire, you'd most likely be better off casting a damnation spell, which is darkness and fire, and thus less likely to hurt thee and thy master."
"Please, the things that can hurt me are very few. And besides, even if I cannot wield it, my dear Sunset can handle it." Tarakudo said dismissively.
Groswell shrugged "I'm just saying to be careful, my lord, these spells are made from your own mana, and thus scaled to your own power, if one was to cast a spell that was of an opposing element to them, there would be a serious backlash, and while I doubt anything could kill you, it would definitely be unpleasant."
"Well either way, it is best to observe some caution." Tarakudo admitted.
Groswell nodded "So, young Sunset, Would you like to try your hand at the combat bell and get a feel for it?"
"I'm still not impressed but very well. One can never have enough weapons." Sunset smiled maliciously as she said this.
Groswell nodded before he banged his bell, drawing ore from the ground and refining it into a bell shape before he attached it to a chain "This is just for training until Carl can get near a real forge and have a Blacksmith make you something to match the Paladins. I'd give you mine, but, well... it has sentimental value to me." He then handed the Iron battle bell to Sunset "Now be careful, last thing we need is you putting too much force into the mana and accidentally blow the whole mountain up."
French Accent: 1 Hour Later
KAABOOOOM!!!!!
Groswell sighed as we picked ourselves up from the floor, our bodies covered in ash and Sunset in hysterics. "Well... at least the blast was limited to the garden..."
Groswell laughed as well "Heh, you should of seen my first go with a bell, damn near had to re- stone all of my body."
We all looked questioningly to Carl, who answered our inquisitive gazes sheepishly "I forgot to mention, Stone Ogres can heal by absorbing minerals..."
I nodded as I looked to the now ruined garden "Umm... I think we should leave before Celly gets here..."
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF FAUST'S SMELLY FETLOCKS IS GOING ON HERE?"
Carl winced "Too late..."
Celestia was PISSED, busting out the Royal Equestrian Voice. "It looks like you all had an orgy with a dragon that had a bad case of whooping cough! What the hell happened?!" Lisa came up to me.
"Okay I know this seems like a bad time but I need to go."
"What? How come?"
"Eh, stuff in my world that I need to do, potential danger there as well as needing to meet another displaced or two, for some reason. Anyways I really need to go."
"Oh, well alright then, later nee-chan!"
Jason hit me on the back of my head.
DUDE. DON'T GO THERE
I looked to him curiously "Don't go where? What do you mean?"
"Bye little bro! Later everyone!" Everyone waved their goodbyes and a portal opened with Marx stepping out.
"You ready to go?"
"I suppose." She and Marx then stepped through the portal and it closed behind her.
"Well now that that's out of the way, CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?!"
Carl timidly raised his hand and explained the situation, with Celestia gradually calming down as she saw how much she was scaring the poor fox man. She then looked to Tarakudo and nodded slowly. "So it seems you are the master of both Carl and Jeremy?" She sighed and shook her head "May I at least have your word that you shall not harm my subjects? The last thing I need is an interdimensional god terrorizing my subjects."
Carl mumbled something, I looked to him and nudged him "Eh? Speak up, friend."
Carl shuffled nervously "Isn't Tarakudo the mask guy from the old Jackie Chan TV show?"
…
…
…
aaaaand I broke down laughing, so that's where I saw this guy from! I waggled my fingers jestingly in a spooky manner "Look out boss, it's Jackie Chan!"
Tarakudo scowled and used his magic to pick me up and repeatedly slam me on the ceiling and floor. HARD!
After he finished, Pinkie ran to my twitching body, completely alive, but in serious pain "I... deserved that..."
Carl walked up to me and tapped me with his cane, the damage to my body being undone and inflicted on him instead, he fell backwards a few steps, but somehow stayed standing as I rose to my feet "Ouch... he really... didn't hold back, huh?"
I nodded and looked to him curiously "What the hell did you do?"
Carl shrugged before wincing "Chaos spawns can transfer injuries between people, so I just transferred the damage to me... no biggie, I just figured the pain would of taught you your lesson on its own..." He then fell back into Fluttershy's arms, blushing profusely "S-sorry... Master Tarakudo really did a number on Jeremy... good thing Raphael has a healing factor... should be better in a few... if I got that power..."
I looked to Tarakudo and bowed respectfully "I am sorry for my offense master, I have no excuse for my rudeness."
"Since it is a first offense I'll forgive you this time but if there is ever a repeat, I will do much worse." He looked towards Pinkie then towards my legs and glared menacingly.
I shivered then looked to Groswell, who was explaining the finesse of using the battle bell, so that the explosions would be less... well... extreme and uncontrolled. "First, you have to put a small mental block on your mana, limit it to a small trickle, then you let it build up in flow speed until you are at a decent rate. One at which you can still control it, pretty soon you'll be able to blast me to rubble, what with how strong you are." He laughed "Lord Tarakudo is a lucky Oni, to know such a beautiful and capable young woman." He sighed "Wish I could meet someone like that, a nice Stone Ogre woman, grow some kids together..." he sighed and got a distant look, seemingly remembering days long past.
"Pfft. I can already blow you to smithereens without the bell." Sunset stated matter-of-factly.
Groswell nodded "I know, but I'm saying you'll be able to do it USING the bell, hell, with how powerful you are, you could probably just blow up the whole dimension, I'm just saying it would be fun to learn a new style of battle, learn to fight as a Luperian, use anything you can get your hands on, or move with your mind in their case, as a weapon with full mastery. A long pipe? Perfect staff. A sharp piece of metal? Dagger. A smaller enemy you can lift? Bludgeon. Big ass bell from a belfry tower? You can see how useful it is."
"I already fight like that. It was one of the early lessons Master Tarakudo taught me."
Groswell nodded "Well, he is quite wise, I'll give him that, he still unnerves me through, a head needs a body, how the hell does he even eat?"
"He doesn't." Sunset replied shortly. "Correction, I should say in that form he doesn't need to."
"Hmmm... interesting." He then looked to Carl, and sighed "Well, I think it's about time we all went to our respective ways, let the married couple consecrate the marriage and all that."
Pinkie and I blushed as we overheard what he said, I looked down and twiddled my thumbs, feeling a powerful killing intent coming at me from Maud's direction. "Aaand I should probably start running, but... I really don't want to leave my Wife alone right now, so I'll do this!" I walked slowly to Pinkie and passionately kissed her, making Maud even madder "I love you Pinkie, now let's get out of here, eh?"
YEAH I THINK WE SHOULD LET OURSELVES OUT NOW. Jason cut open a portal with his machete and jumped right in.
Tarakudo simply vanished, while Sunset merely stuck her tongue out at us and threw a box of condoms at my head before disappearing into the shadows.
I shyly looked to Pinkie as Carl and Fluttershy walked off toward a café and Twilight talked down Maud from the prospect of attacking me, repeatedly saying I could easily kill her. I looked to Pinkie and smiled bashfully "So... you wanna grab a bite to eat?"
Pinkie smiled lewdly "I think I know what I want you to eat... follow me..." She tugged me by my tuxedo all the way into our room for our stay at Canterlot, it was remarkably romantic, rose petals, a giant heart shaped bed in the center, what LOOKED like a champagne bottle, but I could sense magic around it, so I was wary to drink it... Pinkie pulled me on to the bed and began to passionately kiss me while undressing me, I smiled, this was going to be one hell of a wild ride!
A box of condoms later:
"Woow! That was like, the most super amazing thing ever! It was like there was a party inside me! I never felt... so good... you taste nice and salty too..." She cuddled up on my chest and fell fast asleep, which made sense, as we went about all night, I carried her around as I drew the curtains before I went to bed, laid down, and slept for the first time since coming to Equestria, with my wife in my arms...

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Chapter 5: Union

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