Thomas’ eyes hurt under the glare of the morning sun as he walked down the hall, fully garbed in one of the more casual sets of clothing he’d purchased, minus any shoes because none could be found for feet like his. A week had passed since Thomas was granted the magical beeper and began his lessons with Talon, marking this as yet another Friday off. After doing a bit more work on Moonlight’s book, Thomas returned to Luna’s chambers where he resumed mounting her for several rounds. While he’d been looking forward to his latest Friday off, he hadn’t expected Luna to cast a spell to completely rejuvenate his body so that he didn’t need to sleep today.

**********

“A little sunlight will do a body good,” Luna instructed. “You’ve been looking a bit down lately, so why don’t you go out and enjoy our sister’s lovely day. And don’t you worry about me. I’ll find a way to pass the time.” The Princess of the Night had been making considerable progress with her pronouns. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Thomas said with a contented sigh before being dismissed.

Thomas could tell by her tone that there was something in particular she had in mind. It bothered him that she wasn’t telling him, but he pushed that thought aside. Royal business was not his business. That much hadn’t changed. If the Princess said to go out into the sun, then that’s what he’d do. Not to mention the casual sincerity with which she said those last two words made him happy enough not to care all that much. If nothing else, the sun did feel really good.

Apparently Moonlight had had a similar spell cast on her so that she could stay by his side. They made their way to chow hall where the much more numerous staff of the day court had almost completely engorged the cafeteria with their numbers. Thankfully, there were still a few empty tables at the back. As before, Talon met up with them and they entered the line.

“How’s it hanging, chimp,” the griffon greeted cheerfully.

“Ah. I see what ya did there,” Thomas said dryly. “Chimps hanging. That’s a good one.”

“I certainly thought so,” Talon puffed her chest out in pride as the three took their seats. “So, any juicy new stories to share about the royal moon?”

“That reminds me. You were acting a little weird the day after we went out that first time,” Thomas addressed the griffon with genuine concern. “You kept fidgeting like you were uncomfortable about something.”

Talon shrunk under the observation. “Oh, that. Well… let’s just say that Leste didn’t much care for me prying into her sister’s personal business, so she asked me, in that special way of hers, not to do it again.”

Thomas frowned. “But you just asked me again. Why did you do that if it just means you’re going to be punished again?”

“Well…” the griffon trailed off. “Who’s to say a little punishment now and then can’t be a little, ya know, fun?”

“I’m not even going to ask,” Thomas said with a shake of his head.

“You should,” Talon encouraged. “The only way you’re going to learn about the world is if you ask questions.”

“I think I can do without knowing this particular thing.”

“If I might interject,” Moonlight waited until Thomas nodded in eager approval. “I’m inclined to agree with Sir Thomas. I don’t think this matter is appropriate discussion over a meal,” she said as she took a bite of her oats. “Perhaps we should move on to the plans for today.”

“Plans?” Thomas inquired. “I thought we were gonna, you know, continue the training, just out in the sun.”

“Eager to meet the next mare, are we? Well not today,” Talon dismissed. “I’m a little bored of the current routine. And ever since the return of Princess Luna, I’ve been a little curious about the quaint little town where the Elements of Harmony live. Who’s up for a trip to the country?”

Moonlight nodded. “An outing to a small town does sound like a most peaceful venture. And I understand it’s under an hour by train. It can be like a mini vacation.”

“Already bought the tickets,” Talon bragged as she waved the pieces of paper out in front of them.

“Sounds like a plan then,” Thomas agreed before he began to consider the ramifications of what he’d just agreed to. The prospect of meeting the mane six was undoubtedly exciting, but he was also a bit nervous. Castle staff and nobles tended to wear clothing for the most part, but the ponies of Ponyville had always been completely naked in the show. He’d been getting better at not noticing, but the idea of being engulfed in a sea of naked candy colored bodies still made him uneasy. Thank god Luna was still applying the spell to keep his smell in check.

**********

The train arrived at 8:30 and the odd trio boarded, much to the interest of their fellow passengers. A griffon and guard together were unusual enough, but most eyed Thomas with a mix of wonder and trepidation.

“Is it really necessary for you to still be wearing your uniform?” Thomas asked the griffon as he gestured to some of the staring ponies.

“Like I said before,” Talon explained. “I’m proud of my body and I want the whole kingdom to know what I do with it. Besides, you’d probably stick out less if you didn’t wear anything at all.”

Thomas glared at the griffon. “And your reasoning would be?”

“Wearing clothes just to wear clothes is weird, especially something like that,” she gestured to Thomas’ shirt. “You obviously have nowhere important to be, but you’re wearing stuff anyway.”

“What about you and Moonlight?” Thomas asked defensively. “You both always wear something.”

“Smarty-corn is a guard. She’s supposed to wear armor,” Talon explained casually. “And this is my uniform. It has function in letting others know my station in life. We have reasons to wear what we do that other ponies recognize. They can’t figure out why you’re wearing that, so it weirds them out a little.”

“Whatever,” Thomas shook his head. “I’m not going outside naked,” he said firmly.

A pleased smirk grew across Talon’s face. Her student was standing up to her, something she took as a sign that her training was paying off, but she’d tell him about it later. “Anyway, we’re going to go meet a few old friends of mine and I want them to recognize me.”

“Begging your pardon, Tali,” Moonlight spoke up, the way she mentioned the griffon’s nickname sounding experimental and awkward on her lips. “But you do not seem the sort that is easy to forget.”

“Thank you,” Talon bowed her head gratefully. “And it’s only been a few months since I last saw them, so we shouldn’t have any problem there. Mostly I’m wearing this so the little chimp here isn’t tempted to do anything too rash, or anything that might cause a rash.” She snickered.

Thomas groaned. “Can we please change the subject?”

“Sure thing,” Talon turned towards Moonlight. “Been meaning to ask, if you set out to join the royal guard for Celestia, how’d you wind up in the night court?”

“Well, night court had only been formally announced literally the day before my class’s graduation, so I couldn’t very well have planned it in advance,” Moonlight explained. “At first it sounded appealing as a new division of the military with a lot of room for advancement. But then when we showed up for our first day of assignments, the Staff Sergeant gave this really moving speech about how Nightmare Moon was gone and that brave ponies were needed to serve the Princess’ sister with the same honor and diligence as we would her.

“When who should show up but Luna, herself. She looked so small and helpless back then, not to mention incredibly shy. Celestia built on the Staff Sergeant’s speech and gave a heart wrenching plead for us to give Luna the devotion she deserved,” Moonlight paused as she stared at her reflection in her tea. “I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the only pony who had to stop herself from breaking formation and giving the small Princess a hug and tell her we would be there for her.”

“Aww,” Talon cooed. “Sounds like love at first sight.”

“Maybe it was,” Moonlight said mostly to herself. “Those of us that volunteered that day wanted nothing more than to make sure Luna was safe and happy. Naturally we were exceptional in the former, but military school doesn’t exactly prepare you for the latter, so the Princess barely smiled.”

“I remember that,” Talon nodded. “Celestia asked us if we’d be willing to stable ourselves out to her sister. A bunch of us volunteered, including me, but the little alicorn refused. Apparently she didn’t want any of her sister’s pity.”

Moonlight nodded. “I was happy to hear that she started opening up to her attendants, but that still didn’t lead to very much smiling. Then one day, after the intruder alarm sounded, all that changed.”

“I remember that, too,” added Talon with a cheery smile and bumped her shoulder against Thomas’. “That’s when this little guy showed up and started giving the old gal exactly what she needed.”

Thomas blushed as he looked down at his fidgeting hands.

“Yes,” Moonlight said warmly. “I can’t say what it was, but she started smiling a lot more with you around. And that was even before your official job assignment.”

“Jealous?” Talon asked. When Moonlight didn’t answer right away, the smile left Talon’s face. “Oh sweet Faust, you were.”

“W-what?” Moonlight stuttered. “I wasn’t… why would I be… Shut up!”

“You were,” Talon accused with a grin. “You were totally jealous of the little chimp sticking it to your true love. That’s such a bat pony thing to covet the Moonbutt. Admit it.”

Moonlight guiltily averted her eyes from the other two as her muzzle turned a bright shade of pink. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Also, I might not be a bat pony, but I’m pretty sure that’s racist.”

Talon leaned in close to the mare, glaring at her with a mischievous smirk. “Say it.”

“No.”

“Say it.”

“No!”

“Say it!”

“NO!”

“Say it or I’ll tell Celestia,” Talon threatened.

Moonlight froze. “You wouldn’t…”

“I think we both know I would.”

The orange mare lowered her head in embarrassment and muttered so softly that no pony outside their booth could possibly hear, “maybe.”

“Eee!” Talon squealed. “This is amazing. A love triangle between the guard, the Princess, and her concubine. It’s like something out of a romance novel.”

“A cheap novel, maybe,” Moonlight swore under her breath as she secretly wondered if such a scenario could work in her book.

“Oh! Before I forget,” Thomas pepped up as he motioned to Moonlight. The unicorn guard unfastened a jingling bag from her waist and handed it to the human, which he in turn offered to the griffon. “One hundred and fifty bits. That’s what I owed you, plus interest. I finally remembered,” Thomas finished proudly.

“So you did,” Talon said as she held the bag up to her ear and gave it a few light shakes, and then she frowned. “Bummer. And here I was hoping I could get some proper extortion out of you.”

Thomas gave a half smile as he beamed at the griffon. “Not today.”

Smirking, Talon lifted the bit bag over her head and gently lowered it into her gullet. Moonlight turned away in disgust while Thomas stared in morbid fascination, watching as the bag disappeared little by little as the griffon swallowed, until there was only a bulge that ran down her throat and vanished into her chest. She caught him staring and gave a suggestive glare right back.

**********

Eventually the train arrived and all disembarked.

“Smell that?” Talon punctuated with a deep inhale. “That there’s the smell of somewhere without ponies with their heads shoved up their own flanks.” Sigh, “Refreshing.” The griffon soon realized that she’d been left all alone on the platform and quickly rushed after her companions.

Thomas was in the middle of a minor geek-out as his eyes darted around the town. He recognized familiar sights, such as Carousel Boutique and the tall spire of town hall off in the distance. All other buildings were unfortunately bland, like the cookie cutter designs of homes in most suburbs. Still, Ponyville was Ponyville and he was happy to be here. On the other hand, Thomas was not so happy to have his fears confirmed. It was just past morning and the entire town was up and about. So many ponies of so many shapes, sizes, and colors, and enough clothing between all of them to fill a single laundry basket.

“You left me,” Talon accused with a huff. “And I thought we were friends.”

“You were taking too long,” Moonlight said flatly.

“And I want to get a look around town before we have to go back,” Thomas said with curbed enthusiasm as he tried his best not to stare at the surrounding pedestrians.

“Calm your titties there, chimp,” Talon chided. “We’ve got the full day off. The spell we’re under lasts a full 24 hours so we don’t have to be back until, like, 4:30 in the morning.”

“Why 4:30?” Thomas inquired.

“Cause that’s when I set my appointment for my semi-weekly massage,” Talon said with a relaxed grin. “Those guys know just where to touch a girl to get all her kinks out.”

“Right,” Thomas deadpanned, keeping his focus squarely on his friends and not on the smaller naked ponies he was pretty sure were minors. All seemed to be paying him little mind thus far, but more than once he caught ponies doing a double take to stare at him curiously. Though despite the presence of a guard, or perhaps because of her, none seemed willing to approach just yet. “So you said you had some friends you wanted to meet. Why don’t we start our tour with them?”

“Right on, chimp. Just need to get my bearings first. I’ll be back in a second.” The griffon unfurled her wings and took to the skies, leaving her companions to swipe away the dust of her takeoff.

“I don’t suppose you have any idea who these friends of hers are?” Thomas asked.

“Can’t say that I do.”

“So after that, was there anywhere in particular you wanted to visit?”

“If I might remind you, Sir Thomas, I’m here as your protector, and possible chaperone,” Moonlight added as she eyed the griffon in the sky. “I thank you for your consideration, but to be honest I’m happy just being in a sleepy little village like this.”

“Not so sleepy according to the papers,” Thomas corrected, not bothering to ask her to drop the titles.

“Anomalies,” Moonlight waved her hand dismissively. “No pony was expecting Nightmare Moon to return, and certainly not here of all places. And the incident with the parasprites was just a bit of bad luck mixed with poor communication. Those things are in the past and I’m certain this town has nothing but long, peaceful days ahead of it.”

It took all of Thomas’ restraint to keep from saying: You have no freaking idea.

“What’s that grin for?”

“Oh, nothing. I’m… I’m sure you're right,” Thomas said before looking back up at the griffon who now seemed to be talking to a brown male pegasus he didn’t recognize. “She still up there?”

“HUMAN!”

Before either Thomas or Moonlight could react, he had already been tackled to the ground by some mint green blur and skidded about twenty feet from where he’d been. As he coughed desperately to try to pull air back into his lungs, he found the task especially difficult due to large weight on his lower stomach. Whatever it was, it was soft and seemed to be fidgeting based on what he felt. It was warm too. These thoughts connected in Thomas’ mind and filled him with dread as he realized what had hit him.

When the dust finally settled, sitting atop the pitiful human was a unicorn mare with mint green fur, golden eyes, a cyan mane and tail with a white streak, a lyre on her flank, and a manic ear to ear smile on her muzzle. It was the walking talking worst case scenario: a fan-mare.

“H-human,” the naked mare whispered as she stroked her fingers across his face, but pulled back when he showed resistance. “You’re really real, aren’t you? A real live human here in Ponyville. I… I just… I mean wow. Bonbon! Come quick.”

“Yes, I’m human,” Thomas said as flailed around beneath the unexpectedly heavy unicorn. His left arm was pinned under her leg while his own legs were powerless to move him or even kick his assailant off. “Now would you please get off me!?”

“Lyra!” called an angry female voice. Thomas looked in the direction the voice had come from and saw an earth mare with a beige coat, a dark blue mane with a pink streak, cerulean eyes, and, because she was also naked, three pieces of wrapped candies could be seen on her flanks. Her arms were flying out in front of her like a professional sprinter as she raced furiously towards the mare atop Thomas. Mighty earth mare breasts flopped about and more than once nearly struck her in the face.

The mare Thomas recognized as Bonbon suddenly put on the brakes and skidded to a halt just a few inches away from the pinned human. “Lyra! What did I tell you about tackling strange ponies?”

“You there!” Moonlight bellowed as she loomed over the three, horn lit and ready to cast any number of offensive spells. “Remove yourself from him this instant or I shall arrest you for assaulting a member of the royal court.”

“The royal c-” Bonbon trailed off before turning her attention back to the mint unicorn. “What in Tartarus did you do this time, Lyra!?”

“Humans, Bonbon,” Lyra said distantly as if in a trance, apparently either not noticing or not caring about the unicorn guard ready to blast her. “I told you they weren’t just an old pony’s tail.”

“Lyra, sweetie,” Bonbon said in a calmer tone, but still very strained. “There’s a royal guard standing right behind you, ready to do Celestia knows what because you assaulted a…” it was then that Bonbon finally looked down to see what her friend was sitting on. “A… what is that?”

“He’s a human!” Lyra proclaimed before Thomas could speak for himself. “At least I think it’s a ‘he’.” Still sitting on Thomas’ lower stomach, she craned her neck to look over her shoulder at his lower body. She wiggled her rump and confirmed that there was an adequately sized lump wedged between her rump cheeks. “Oh yeah. Definitely a ‘he’,” she observed with a perverted smirk.

Thomas took a momentary break in his struggles to process what he’d just felt against his crotch. This is wrong on so many levels. And why did I have to run into the crazy human stalker of all ponies? “Please stop doing that,” he pleaded in a less than certain manner.

“And look here,” Lyra demanded as she spun around on Thomas, now placing the lump against her lower lips as she leaned down and grabbed hold of one of his legs. “See. See! Feet. Real human feet, with toes and everything.” She lightly touched each of his digits and a low moan escaped her throat. “They’re even more amazing than I thought.”

“I told you to get off of him!” Moonlight bellowed, the glow of her horn growing dangerously bright.

“Lyra!” Called a voice from above, finally getting the unicorn to turn her attention elsewhere.

“Talon?”

“Lyra!” Talon landed, opening her arms welcomingly as she approached.

Lyra finally removed her impressive weight from Thomas’ stomach and rushed into the griffon’s embrace. “It’s been so long.”

“How’s it goin ya nut?” Talon ruffled Lyra’s mane.

“I’m not a nut! And I can prove it this time. Look!” she pointed at Thomas as Moonlight checked him over. “See! A real live human here in Ponyville. I told you they were real.”

“Yeah. That’s my buddy, the chimp,” Talon said casually.

Flabbergasted, Lyra pulled back from the griffon. “You know a human! Since when?”

Talon counted off on her clawed fingers. “Coming up on four months, now.”

“And you never told me!?” Lyra screamed, seemingly ready to burst a blood vessel before a pair of beige hands yanked on her tail.

“Lyra!” Bonbon seethed, trying to calm herself down. “Lyra, sweetie. Would you forget the human stuff for one second and apologize to the filly you just tackled,” she pointed at Thomas.

Moonlight was fuming as she brushed off Thomas, both human and unicorn too distracted to speak. Thomas tried to push the fussing unicorn away, but she just brushed his hands aside and resumed her task. Lyra was still giddy with excitement and Bonbon’s worried eyes firmly planted on the irked guard. Taking all this in, Talon burst out laughing. “Oh, this is too rich.”

“Talon!” Moonlight barked. “Explain.”

“Right, right,” Talon quelled her giggles. “Introduction time. Everyone,” she pointed at Lyra, “This here is Lyra Heartstrings. She’s a former student of Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns and we used to hang out together.”

The still agitated Moonlight glared at Lyra, and then turned to Talon. “You… hung out?”

“Not like that,” Talon dismissed casually.

“The school’s right across the street and we used to catch lunch together,” Lyra explained.

“I’m the only one who would listen to her crackpot theories on humans.”

“Not crackpot!” Lyra insisted. “Just look. There’s one right now. I felt his human penis grinding into my plot and my crotch through his clothes, just like I knew they liked to wear. I was right all along.”

She says that like she’s proud. What the hell?

“Stop it, Lyra,” Bonbon scolded. “Humans aren’t real.”

“But…”

“And that over there is Canterlot’s one and only resident human. His name is Thomas, but I get to call him the chimp,” Talon said the last part braggingly.

Shock overtook Bonbon’s expression as she did a double take on Thomas, studying him intently. “H-human?”

Thomas nodded as an exhausted sigh fell upon him.

“See!” Lyra boasted. “Twilight totally owes me twenty bits.”

“That’s still no excuse for tackling her like that,” Bonbon retorted.

“Not a ‘her’!” Thomas snarled, fed up with continuously being mistaken for a female.

Bonbon’s ears splayed as she flinched.

“Hey,” Lyra stepped defensively between Thomas and the earth pony. “Human or no, no pony talks that way to my Bonny.”

At Lyra’s aggressive movement, Moonlight stepped in front of Thomas, staring down the other unicorn. The tension was palpable as both looked ready to light their horns and begin fighting at any minute.

“Wo now,” Talon beseeched as she stepped between the two unicorns, claws out to hold the two back. “No need for any of that. Lyra here’s just a little excitable and doesn’t really know how to hold back.” She turned to the unicorn in question. “Lyra. Say you’re sorry to the nice human.”

Lyra finally broke eye contact with Moonlight and faced Talon. The sight of her old friend thankfully defused her tension before she looked over at the human standing behind Moonlight. “Sorry, Mr. Human. Didn’t mean to knock you down like that.”

“Good,” Talon nodded. “Now chimp. You apologize for yelling at Lyra’s fillyfriend.”

Thomas looked ready to protest, but an urging look from Talon told him he didn’t have much of a choice. “Sorry for yelling.”

“There,” Talon bobbed her head as she stepped back. “Now shake and be friends.” When no one seemed willing to take the first step, Talon folded her arms and tapped her foot irritably. Her prompting eventually convinced Thomas and Lyra to step forward and shake hands. “Do it properly,” Talon chided.

“Hey there, Mr. Human. My name’s Lyra Heartsrings,” she greeted with a genuine smile. “The pretty mare behind me is my fillyfriend, Bonbon.”

“Hello,” Bonbon waved meekly.

“Nice to meet you,” Thomas said with a bit more confidence. “My name’s Thomas. And this is Moonlight Shield,” he tilted his head at the other unicorn. “My bodyguard.”

“Charmed,” Moonlight answered flatly as she stood just beside Thomas with ears flicking about, unwilling to let her guard down like that again.

“Oh good,” Talon sighed in relief. “For a minute there, I thought things were gonna be awkward.”

I suppose this chapter has been a long time coming. It’s just not a proper HiE without a trip to Ponyville. And boy, is this going to be a trip. This day in Ponyville is basically going to be like a whole arc in the story.

Talon really gets around, and not just sexually either. Her outgoing personality leads her to meeting all manner of interesting ponies, including the human fanatic who was just so happy to grind up against a human. Poor Moonlight has her work cut out for her.