Joker's Wild Chapter 5: Gate to Wild
Part 1: The Skeletons in My Closet are Dinosaurs
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Men honor what lies within the sphere of their knowledge, but do not realize how dependent they are on what lies beyond it.

Zhuang Zhou
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“How many hooves am I holding up?”

I was still waking to the world when the challenge came. I had only just opened my eyes, but I had no time to figure out where I was or which direction was up. The only option I had was to fire into the dark. It was do or die!

My hoof whipped across the broadside of Calypto's jaw, as his hoof slammed through mine. We spun to the ground side by side. The pain had banished the waking daze, and as I recognized the groans of my opponent, I knew that I was safe, and my own pained moans turned to irreverent snickering. We laughed together as we rolled around clasping our hooves to our throbbing faces.

Calypto turned to Scapegrace, who was caught in the emotional whiplash between worry and terrified confusion.“He's fine,” Calypto said with firm confidence.

Scapegrace pushed Calypto out of the way as she took me in her hooves and cradled me in her chest. What?! She didn’t, she wasn’t…. Ugh… well, I wasn’t exactly in a position to stop her. I could see so many things bubbling up inside Scapegrace. Demands for explanations, reprimands, worries about my health, it all pushed up to the surface, as she puffed up her cheeks. “Where in the spectrum of cranial trauma do you see him being ‘fine’?” She was indignantly purple, but when she saw me rise up, she let it fume out of her. “He could have brain damage.”

“Good. Guess nothing of importance was damaged,” I said as I massaged my throbbing head and stood up to my hooves.

“I guess it’s hard to hurt something you only seem to have occasionally.” Scapegrace sighed. Calming down, she just flashed a wry smile before turning back to the impressive computer setup built into the wall. “Don’t scare me like that.” The mare buried herself into the world of computers as she grumbled. “What even happened back there?”

“I’m not really sure, to be frank.” So much was happening, and I couldn’t see where it all connected up. That thing drew me in. I didn’t like being manipulated, but sometimes just not wanting it wasn’t a good enough defense.

Scapegrace turned back from the keyboard as she took long wistful gaze towards me. I didn’t know what to tell her.

Calypto pulled close to me to whisper in my ear, “You saw that tree, didn't you....”

Blinking I grasped at my chest and felt something pound. I winced. “Agh, yeah... how could I miss it?”

“It's not as hard as you might think. Apparently Scapegrace couldn't see it at all. I couldn't even see more than outlines myself, but you saw it directly.”

Scapegrace looked back over her shoulder with concern.

“She didn’t see it, huh? What makes you so sure.”

“She can’t see it, but she’s not a fool. She knows there is something she isn’t getting, and she wants to put the pieces together.”

“I saw the other raiders beside me. Is this what Pharoah’s game is? Does that make me a candidate? Can't say I'm honored…” I groaned as I looked down the broken hallways.

“Hahaha, you’d make a terrible raider king,” Calypto laughed as he shook his head at me.

“Y’know what? I think I agree with you,” I said with a smile that quickly faded as I clenched at the ephemeral thing that affixed itself on my heart. “That tree was a nightmare. The pre-war always was coming up with fucked up things, but the freaks in here must have been overachievers,” I said with a virulent sting. “What happened to me?” No seriously, what was going on here? I was grateful to still being around, but this rude-awakening-after-a-cliffhanger-death thing has happened way too many times today and it was getting a little bit redundant.

“Don't have an answer to that one, but I can tell, it planted something on you,” Calypto said as he turned away, “but you're alive, so we can worry about that later.” Calypto was about to walk away when he turned back with frightening enthusiasm, “Besides, there is a mare waiting for her hero....” Calypto whispered as he tipped his head towards Scapegrace, who had dismantled the paneling of the computer and was tapping into the talisman network while simultaneously inputting codes through the keyboard. The exuberant look on Calypto's face was downright terrifying.

“Huh?” It was the sound of being blindsided.

“Get in there!” he whispered.

“What?” I whispered back as I tensed up.

“Sweep her off her hooves!”

I twisted up inside at the thought. Stretched out wide then snapped back together, my emotions couldn't handle this sort of thing. There were things he didn’t know about, but this was something that shouldn’t happen. Between a rock and a hard place, story of my life. “Nonono. I can't do that...get outta here.”

Scapegrace groaned as she slammed on the desk. The sickly green computer light contoured the mare’s tired expression as she turned back. “Do I have to do everything myself or can I get a hoof in here?”

Calypto prodded me forward with a grin, nodding furiously.

I looked at him with perturbed judgement. “I mean, are you sure you want help in there? Last time I checked you didn’t want me anywhere near your computers, but if that’s the case fine,” I said, taking a few steps into the room.

“I wasn’t asking you!” Scapegrace growled as her body basked in an abyssal black aura. “Get out! Get out! Get out! This is a place of logic and reason, and you don’t belong here!” She said as she shooed me out of the room. “Now, can I get that help?”

Calypto sheepishly pointed his two hooves upward, daintily. “Well… we were in the middle of a conversation.” Calypto coughed.

“Ugh… you guys are useless to me.” Scapegrace stormed back into her den of magical words like science and algorithms.

As she walked away, I turned to Calypto with a smug expression. “See?”

“She likes you,” Calypto said, his audacious grin unphased.

“Where hell do you get that?”

“Well you like her…” Calypto braced himself on the door frame.

“Do not!”

Calypto shrugged. “You’re eyes argue otherwise.”

What? Really? “It is late, and it is not my problem that my adrenaline is making me zero in on anything that moves.”

“Hahaha, that’s your peripheral vision!” Scapegrace chimed in from outside, unexpectedly. Was she listening?! Calypto and I traded strained smiles as sweat rolled down my chin. “Yeah, your probably on edge. Its a defense mechanism. But down worry, I’m gonna try to rig the security systems to guard off these hallways, so we don’t get any rude interruptions,” the mare rattled off as she worked the keyboard.

“G-good work, Scapegrace,uh… keep it up!” I sputtered as Calypto and I traded glances as we confered nonverbally about how close that was.

“You have to watch the signs: when you hit that wall, her heart skipped a beat. She was worried about you.”

“I'd be worried about you if you almost died, that doesn't mean I want to bone you. A little bit of worrying doesn't mean anything,” I whispered furiously.

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step,” Calypto advised quietly. After a short pause he leaned in real close with a the look of a real bastard, “And that first point is brahmin crap, everypony wants to chase Calypto.”

I squinted at Calypto. “Oh yeah? What makes you so sure?”

“Because I'm best pony, and I'm a zebra.” He said it calmly, straight faced, and with no hesitation. I didn't know how he did it, but he turned arrogance into a talent.

“You pretentious shit,” I whispered, snickering. “I don't know, you have kind of a flamboyant look to you, it kind of makes you look like you play to a selective team.”

“It's the peacock's feathers. Mares dig the sarape,” Calypto whispered as he flapped his poncho, accompanied by the ringing of his spurs. “But forget about that, she is waiting for a world of Tumbleweed, and you have to strike while the iron is hot.”

It was actually fascinating watching Scapegrace get lost in her work of cracking the computer. I’d mistaken her for a mouse when I’d first met her, but she had a lot more to her than I’d given her credit for. That still didn't mean I was looking to chase after her. “The iron is not hot,” I differed. “I think you are making things out to be way more than they really are.”

“I'm a zebra. We invented romance. I can not lead you astray. I can just feel it,” he insisted fervently.

“You have a lot of zebra senses...” I doubted.

Calypto shrugged.“I'm a sensational stallion.”

Touche. That was a clever response. Good delivery. I sighed and shook my head. “I not doing this. I can't-”

“-You can.”

“Shut up. I can't-”

“Not with that attitude you can't.”

“I am going to put you in a hole, and then I am going to fling brahmin shit into that hole until it piles up high enough for you to climb out.”

“You have to chase after the mayfly of happiness.”

“I'm a little busy at the moment, trying to blow this place up and all,” I spoke back.

“You can multitask.”

This silly conversation had gone on way longer than it had any right to. “Let's get going,” I said as I started walking up to the threshold of the hallway to the office Scapegrace was working in.

I looked around the room and it was a strange sight to behold. Bookcases packed with books lining every wall, clean, well maintained floors. There was not a single loose paper on the ground. On the desk beside the computer, there was stationary neatly aligned in the corner in front of a filing cabinet, with color-coded tabs poking out of the top. There was an organized row of supplies: ink wells, staplers, a mug filled with quills, a phone wedged into a corner. A mug sat perfectly aligned atop the mantelpiece. On the wall was a cork board that featured every project in the facility organized by some ancient eldritch code or worse. It had nothing overlapping, and every piece was fit perfectly together, edge to edge. Next to the cork board was a calendar and a daily planner. Both were filled to the brim. It was horrifying. I bet in the desks they had something organized alphabetically. On a separate desk joined on the corner of the desk was a neat array of test tubes, beakers, microscopes, and hotplates.

Calypto and I looked at each other.

In an echoing crash, the bookcase came toppling to the ground, books and files scattering across the ground. I rushed to the desk. In a vicious frenzy, I ripped each cabinet from the desk, tossing them back over my head unceremoniously with extreme prejudice. Calypto leaped to the lab table, grasping beaker and test tube alike, and ruthlessly cast them to the ground. He raised his gun to wreak judgment on those unfortunate lab supplies that refused to shatter on impact. We joined back at the desk. Calypto dug his hooves at the ground ravenously, waiting for me to finish pouring water into the quill filled mug upon the mantelpiece. As soon as it was filled, Calypto knocked it over, spilling water all over the desk. We showed no mercy. I let out a mighty battle cry as Calypto reaped his hooves across the desk. There were no survivors.

Scapegrace materialized in the door, frozen up. Her eyes desperately darted around the room in a vain attempt to find anything intact or unturned, and then turned her head towards us, aghast. Pale white, slack jawed, and twitchy-eyed... there were no words to describe her terror.

I pulled my coat into a snug fit against my back as Calypto lit a cigarette. I looked to him with a proud smile, “Our job here is done.”

“By Fuckalodesta, Alicorn Princess of Fucks, what the fuck are you doing?!” Scapegrace said frantically. “You two are insane. As in 'We the jury find the defendant...'” She tried to catch her breath. “I almost had a heart attack.”

“It was so neat it was oppressive,” I said sneering towards corner of the room.

“It was suffocating,” Calypto added, holding the brim of his hat down.

“This was a crime against the wasteland.”

“It had to be done,”

“I was afraid for my life,” I said looking at Scapegrace so she could feel my complete sincerity.

“What is wrong with you?” Scapegrace sent us withering glares.

Calypto and I boiled alive as the relative silence focused that judgement on us. Calypto coughed trying to clear his throat and I dodged the crystal ponies eyes as I kicked at the ground. “The wasteland demands sacrifices…” I said sheepishly. Scapegrace wasn’t buying any of it. “...It was bothering us,” I added as Calypto nodded in fierce, but tacet agreement.

She sighed as she looked over the destruction of the room. Just when I thought I had pissed her off again, she laughed. “Warn me next time, okay?”

With a few keystrokes and an arcing zap of magic from Gracie's hoof to the spell matrix, the security password prompt vaporized, dissolving into the startup interface for the main computer. “I've been meaning to ask: I know why I'm here, but why are you two?” Scapegrace said, turning back away from the computer. She had taken more of a healthy color, although still reserved.

“I have somewhere between six to forty-eight hours to get rid of all the raiders, close up the hole in the sky, and stop some kind of doom-slinging maniac, or my boss will kill me,” I said, tossing my head to the side as I quietly laughed at myself. “You wouldn’t know how to kill an immortal witch, would you? I’m...uh… asking for a friend.” I smiled with faux confidence.

“I don’t know, maybe I could look into it.” Scapegrace giggled at me. “Wow, you’re just... that's amazing. How much do you get paid?”

I leaned against my fridge. “Not enough...”

“Must be rough,” she said giving a charming roll of the eyes.

“It's a labor of love.”

“No kidding?” she said shaking her head, “So your boss just expects you to be some kind of miracle worker?”

“It's one of my marketable skills,” I said as I trotted over to stand beside Scapegrace. Or at least I tried to. The second I got within a meter and a half of the computer, Scapegrace let out an inequine hiss.

I locked eyes with her, trying not to earn any more of her ire. She hissed at me again, motioning for me to back off with her head. As I slowly stepped back, she returned to her cheerful demeanor.

Scapegrace took a deep breath,“You're biting off way more than you can chew. Don't try to bear everything on your shoulders.”

“Besides, there is an arrogant pinecone-headed bitch that has challenged me to a fight, and I'm going to knock her off her high horse,” I said, rearing up and stomping against the ground with a double clap.

At some point in the middle of our ruckus, our eyes had come to rest on Calypto, who was smiling to himself in the corner. His eyes zoomed like lightning, glancing to Scapegrace and then me in a burst of alacrity. “hmm. Don't mind me. Keep going.”

Damn it, Calypto!

“Don't give us that. What are you here for?” Scapegrace asked.

Calypto planted his hooves in the floor, jingling his spurs. “I'm here to bring justice to the wasteland.”

Scapegrace turned to me as sweat dripped down her face and she took on a pale green hue.“Y’know what? Forget what I said about biting off more than you can chew….” she said with a furrowed brow.

“This is what he is normally like. It's why I keep him around,” I added in.

“To think that before I used to believe I was the crazy one...” she said as her shoulders fell. “So, tell me. Do you two even have a plan to accomplish any of this?”

Calypto and I exchanged devious glances. “You could say we have something.” I chuckled to myself. I hurled my fridge out in front of me. I swelled with pride as I was opening our magic jewel box.

“Where in Equestria did you find twel-thirt-thirteen?! THIRTEEN balefire eggs?!” Scapegrace demanded, her aura matted with disbelief. Color washed back in as yellows, oranges, and purples mixed in bizarre intrigue as she leaned in get a better look. “Is that a severed leg?” She asked with disgust.

“That’s not part of the plan, don’t worry about that,” I laughed as I shook my hoof. “Look at the eggs, not the legs.”

Calypto blew a long trail of smoke, “A little white bird showed me a treasure map to find them. We have some friends in high places.”

“With this, we should be able to cause enough damage to topple this place,” I said as I ogled our arsenal. “If the raiders keep coming because they are chasing some kind of treasure in here, then all we have to do is blow up the treasure chest.”

“I hope you know the payload of a couple of balefire eggs on their own isn't nearly enough to break through the tempered arcano-ferric supports that hold up an MAS facility? The high-end wartime laboratories were designed to have fairly high stress resistance, given their affinity for experiments on volatile reactive magical agents on top of the usual government building bomb-proofing protocols,” Scapegrace informed.

Calypto and I turned to each other in shared befuddlement.

“She keeps talking but I just don't know what she's saying...” I whispered to Calypto.

“I've only heard legends of this kind of moonspeak,” he fired back.

“The bombs go boom, the building stays up. The walls are really hard,” Scapegrace sighed as she started tapping away at the terminal keys. She glanced back only for a moment to see the enlightenment wash over us buffoons. “Seriously, that was too much for you? I'm not even getting into the really complicated stuff.”

I raised my hoof in the air, waving it like a lunatic. “Teacher! Teacher! Ms. Grace!”

Scapegrace chuckled as she leaned her head back. She didn't even take a break from typing. “Yes, Tumbleweed?”

“If it is a unicorn facility--”

“-Made by earth ponies.”

“Ah. Nevermind.”

“Well, we can work on that later. There is something I’m looking for,” Scapegrace said as she skipped from page to page on the computer. Calypto and I watched on in silence as she worked her magic. After a pregnant moment of searching, the mare raised an eyebrow as she turned to me. “That’s Midnyte’s leg isn’t it?”

“Yeppers.”

Scapegrace groaned as she continued searching. “You know she was like right here, right? And you didn’t give it to her?”

“I forgot.” I said with a shrug. Scapegrace whirled around to show me just how dumb I sounded. I was fairly used to that look at this point. “There was a lot going on at the time, and I was less than lucid.”

“That poor mare’s leg is going to rot away in your fridge.”

“To be fair, in her current state, four legs would just slow her down. She was trucking pretty well for a tripod.”

“Shut up, I think I found something.”

Scapegrace got deeper into her search as she jumped from window to window on the terminal screen. Her eyes rapidly scanned for information. I didn't think I had ever seen a pony read that fast. Six strange images popped up on the screen. They were labeled as Specimen Zero-Zero all the way through Zero-Five. The shapes were familiar - a six-pointed star, an orange apple, a red lightning bolt, a blue balloon, a purple gemstone, and a pink butterfly - but they were fixed upon golden necklaces of some sort. The edges of the documents were lined with graphs and statistics, as well as detailed reports that looked as if they had been clinically dissected and cross-referenced for possible applications. Visual outlines with cross-sections of equine brains highlighted areas of activity linking them to weird trinkets. Other reports detailed some kind of spell structure blueprints to be inscribed on moving pieces of technology. The crystal mare was downloading it all, but she kept processing away, ravenously questing for something. Scapegrace smiled and hummed as she jumped from file to file, soaking up information. “As I was saying, about your little bombs, that won't be enough to blow up the facility... At least on its own. Although I...” Scapegrace's eyes widened as she found a document on a strange heart carved out of crystal. Specimen Zero-Six: A crystalline heart. A glowing ring of light pulsed through her coat, bursting into an amber corona.

“Where have I seen that before...” I mumbled to myself as I watched that mare stampede over the keyboard like a savage animal.

“Where... Where is it?! Tell me damn it!” She shouted as she grabbed at the edge of the screen with her hooves.

It was all so alien to me. Magic wasn’t something earth ponies focused on. Our knowledge of magic was largely based on how to make other ponies stop using it. Everything else was just natural, so I couldn’t really follow along too well. As I waited, feeling for Scapegrace’s plight, my eyes caught sight of a dorky looking doll on the ground.

I couldn’t help but pick up the dumb looking thing. It had a weird pink earth pony with floofy hair all over the place. She was upside down very seriously searching for something, as she looked under herself. It kinda reminded me of Scapegrace’s current struggle. It said something like “Awareness: It was under E." Clearly, there was something that was under E and she found it, by why make a statue about it? Regardless, it was a stupid looking thing, so dumb in fact that I think I found myself more engaged with the documents on screen.

She opened up to series of emails and documents from the Ministry Mare's personal account.

Project: Harmony

Princess Luna has commissioned a research program on the potential and the inherent capabilities of the magical artifacts that have blessed Equestria.

“No...” Scapegrace whimpered heartbrokenly as she shifted to another document.

Express Permission Granted

Twilight,

Emergency withdrawal of primary specimens 00-05, Elements of Harmony, have been given full permission, authorized for three days in secure containment via Pandora Aegis Containment Unit to be returned and deposited in the Ponyville Ministry of Arcane Science and Technology facility Arcanium vault for further research.

“She insisted on documenting everything, huh? That's a good sign.” Scapegrace glowed hopeful.

Project: Gardens of Equestria

Royal Commission by Princesses Luna of Equestria and Cadence of the Crystal Empire, under the recommendation of Ministry Mare Twilight Sparkle:
The Ponyville Department of Ministry of Arcane Sciences and Technology is hereby ordered to commence research into the possible large-scale eco-restorative applications of Project Harmony Specimens 00-05 (Elements of Harmony), with special focus on reducing Luminescent spell saturation and neutralizing toxic alchemical agents. The main body of the commissioned work is to be conducted in conjunction with research on the enhancement of the desired effects through the megaspell matrix amplification process.

“Cadance... Is this it? Please... Please, please, please, please, please...”

Classified For Your Eyes Only: Labs A2-A4 Suspended Until Further Notice.

Due to unforeseen developments, the biological super threat: Audrey III has been neutralized at the cost of Specimens 00-05. It is a regrettable loss for Equestria, however, with the possibility of Audrey II activating high yield telekinetic megaspells via MAS Megaspell Chambers, it was a sacrifice that could not be avoided. This information is classified and only to be distributed among those with an S-1 security clearance on a need-to-know basis. Project Gardens of Equestria will be downsized, due to lack of specimens. Labs A2-A4 will be dedicated to archaeological research, arcanoforensic study in coordination with the Ministry of Morale, and psychogenic magical research. The Crystal Empire has supplied a new specimen, Specimen 06, the Crystal Heart, to be deposited in the Arcanium vault for the purposes of continuing research.

T.S.

Scapegrace's eyes widened as her light compressed into a little star deep under her coat, ready to burst. “It's here. I think it's here. I don't believe it.” Scapegrace's joy was cut short as she stumbled across another file.

Project: Gardens of Equestria Suspended Indefinitely

“No...” Scapegrace shook her head in betrayed disbelief. “No, not this, not now. I was so close...”

Due to the withdrawal of the Crystal Heart by Princess Cadance of the Crystal Empire, the Arcanium has depleted all specimens for research. All research will be suspended indefinitely. Personnel and resources will be redistributed toward other projects. Research and findings are to be transferred to Stable 13 upon completion, as per request of Apple Bloom of Stable-Tec, for the purpose of practical application.

Scapegrace was stubbornly prying ever deeper into the terminal’s memory, but I could tell she was on the verge of collapse. “Tell me there's more. There has to be. I'll find it.”

Dear Princess Celestia

It has felt like forever since I have written to you, but I still find solace in maintaining the habit. I have fond memories of those days. I have become far too used to this new technology, so you will have to forgive me for typing this out. Even if I don't know where you are right now, and I don't know how it will get to you, I hope you will one day get to read this. Today, I have elected to transfer my work on Project Gardens of Equestria over to new hooves. It pains me to abandon this project, as it has become a personal favorite of mine, but I just know that my attention is needed elsewhere. The work of Gestalt and Mosaic has earned my approval, and I have chosen to promote them to a position where their talents would be better applied. I meant to write “positions”, but it’s hard for me to separate the two in my mind, they are just so tightly synchronized. . In my absence as Head Magus and Director, I've made a decision to bequeath the title to a brilliant psychogenic scientist named Starlight Glimmer. While we have had our differences in the past, I have no doubts about the capabilities and prowess of Starlight. I am selfish, but I want to task her with the mission of reviving Project Gardens of Equestria. While the project has dropped to a standstill, I believe with my whole heart that if there is any mare in the Ministry of Arcane Science and Technology that is capable of salvaging this project, it could not be anypony other than Starlight. It is a difficult task, but it is one that will demonstrate the full extent of my faith in her.

These days I do not get to see my friends too often. Every once in awhile, I sneak away, teleporting to visit Rarity and Applejack, but so often they are busy. I do get to see Fluttershy when we hold conferences on the progress of Megaspell research. I don't even know what Rainbow Dash is doing. If she is going to relax and shirk her ministry duties, she could at least come down to visit more often. Lately, I've been worried about Pinkie Pie. She doesn't feel the same these days. It is almost as if I don't even know her. She has been taking an alchemical stimulant called “Mint-als.” I’ve read up on it, and some of the drug’s commonly used components have been known to have corrosive effects on cognitive function. I think they have something to do with the way she's been acting. She has been rather sporadic... well, more than usual. She gets stressed and runs off spouting things about fate and trying to do crazy things like predict the future, even though we already know that’s impossible, and then the next second I see her bouncing in from the totally opposite direction. The serious issue is that when I talk to her then, she is suspiciously enthusiastic, like she doesn’t have a care in the world, and I try to talk to her about what she was doing or what we were talking about and she simply has no memory of it. I've never seen Pinkie act so manic before. She pretends that she has never taken those drugs in her entire life, lying to my face, even though we are practically family. I don't know her anymore, and it breaks my heart. I can see the damage those drugs are inflicting on her brain. I don't know where you are, Celestia, but wherever you are, please keep watch over Pinkie Pie for me.

Your Faithful Student,

Twilight Sparkle.

That was the final terminal entry. Scapegrace collapsed onto the control panel. Her body shuddered as she tried to stifle the urge to break down and cry. “I risked everything for nothing...” she mumbled as she tightened the cocoon she made with her hooves. “... I should have expected this would happen, but I didn't want to believe it.”

“HA!” I shouted as I put my hoof down on the ragged bloody pocket book. Flipping through tabs, I had found it coincidentally underneath a big letter “E”. Well what do you know? “Today, I found myself recipient of curious gift.” I paused to clear my throat as I prepared to read aloud in a boisterous voice.

“Damn it, Tumbleweed...” Scapegrace whimpered

“‘A cadre of red-eyed ponies, showing biomorphed features such as unusual horns forming at the temples and mandible, came to my demesne... no doubt on behalf of the mare with the ouroboros mark,’” I read, taking interest at the mention of Hexerai.

“I said shut up!” Scapegrace murmured.

“Deal with it, Gracie!” I cut in, segueing right back into reciting, “‘I never thought I would find my hooves wrapped around the mythic Crystal Heart.’”

The wallowing blue undertone infecting her coat began to melt away, rapidly climbing up the color spectrum. She really was a mood ring.

“'I can only imagine the lengths of skulduggery and treason that were required to bring this treat to me. It has been bathed in criminality, a blood diamond for a heart. I do not quarrel over loyalty, and I care not about how, now that such a critical artifact has come into my grasp. I don't really care. I have no sympathies for the Crystal Empire, those impotent cowards. As expected, there is a give and take: Hexerai demands of me certain services. She knows that no inspection or search would ever reveal that which I have hidden. They are hidden from time, and space, and fate. I wonder what kind of pact she must have made to discover my talents. Her request is that I smuggle away the Malleus Maleficarum. It is a dreaded artifact, but one that I will happily embrace. Between the heart and the hammer, my research will surely be complete,’” I read all in one big chunk; my tongue had dried out just from talking so long. I laughed to myself. “Maleficarum? More like Mareficarum, am I right?”

“Where did you find that?” Scapegrace asked. She hobbled in my direction, not unlike a zombie pony.

“I found the director’s note book. It was a good read, so I kept onto it,” I said, looking up from the book that was perched upon my fridge.

I could see the hope and life slowly flush back into her. “Can I see that?”

“Of course. Knock yourself out.”

Scapegrace lost herself in the pages of the book.

The sound of gunfire erupted through the hallway. My eyes darted towards the noise, only to see Calypto wrapped around the corner.

“It's fine, I've got this under control,” Calypto said.

“Thanks Calypto...” I chuckled. “Don't waste all of your ammo.”

“Yea, yeah...”

I found myself oddly alone between the two of them. I didn't have much to do but read the letter that was lit up across the giant screen.

“Y'know, this Twilight Sparkle seems to have a very different idea of how things were going down in this facility,” I bantered realizing I had nopony to talk to. I sighed. “Hehe... Mint-als, huh? That's what I'm on right now.”

Soon enough Scapegrace started chattering. “It's here...It's actually here. There is a map and everything...”

Tears began to pour down her face. Her body seized up with every breath.

Calypto slunk his head into the room, leaning back so I could see him raise his eyebrow beneath his hat. “I step away for a minute... and this happens.” The zebra bastard cocked his head to the side. “The girl's crying. Damn it, Tumbleweed. What did you do?”

“I don't know!” I said pulling back the hair in my mane with hoof. “I didn’t do anything.”

Scapegrace pushed straight through me, knocking me over in her stride as she dove back into the terminal.

“Well, you must have done something,” Calypto said. He shook his head at me. “Whatever you did, stop doing it. These are not good signs, Tumbleweed.”

“I don't know what I did!”

“Sounds like something you need to figure out.”

“It's not my fault!” I squealed as I whirled my head from side to side.

Scapegrace pulled the third memory talisman from the terminal, coated in shimmering light. From her joyful smile emanated a blossoming confidence.

“Good job Tumbleweed. Keep it up.” Calypto patted my shoulder in approval.

“Keep what up?”

“Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it.”

“What am I doing?!” I squinted as I thought about it. Today had been a series of very interesting decisions, many of them not the smartest.

“Well, whatever it is, it's working.”

Scapegrace fell into a snickering mess on the ground.

“Damn it, Tumbleweed!” Calypto interjected. “Look what you did. The lady is falling apart.”

“Stop it. Stop it, stop it, stop it,” Scapegrace pleaded from the ground.

“Stop what?!” I demanded.

Scapegrace took a moment to pull herself together. “My word, you two are a catty bunch.” The crystal pony sighed.

“So what exactly did you need that for?” I asked leaning over towards her.

The mare gave a sheepish look. “Let's just say that it is very important. Forgive me, but that is all I can really say about it....”

“That's alright. I won't pry,” I nodded. “By the way, I found a commorative trophy to honor use as the most frantic intellectual dumpster diver I’ve ever met.” I said as I presented the Pink pony statuette.

Scapegrace’s reeled back as she looked at the thing. “You should keep that. Those things are said to be powerful charms” she said as she took on a fascination with the thing.

I felt a little insulted at the suggestion. “Do I look like I play with dolls to you?”

“I could see it,” Calypto said abandoning me.

“Probably.” Scapegrace smiled as I groaned a little bit. “Besides, they are valuable in certain circles.”

I stopped listening at the word ‘valuable,’ stuff the figure into my jacket. “That was all you had to say.” I grinned looking back at them. Things were looking up. We had a plan and everything. Wait! No, we didn’t! “Shit! I just remembered! We still don't have a plan!” I fritzed, putting my hooves to my temples. “Alright, so what if we can't normally blow up the facility. I can feel out the cracks and structural weaknesses, and we can exploit them one by one.”

“Have you gone completely insane? It’s a war out there, there’s something even more horrible lurking down here, you’ve earned a cutie mark for attracting dangers, you can barely stand from the injuries, and you’re going to scamper around the facility with a daisy chain of powerful explosives dangling around your neck, tapping at the walls to see if they’ll be likely to collapse on you? You're going to die!” Scapegrace remarked in concern.

“It's the best plan I've got,” I said, pulling my fridge back onto my shoulder. “Doing anything out there is going to get me killed, so I might as well just get going.”

“Hey, I'm not saying it's not dangerous, I'm just saying that if we are going to live dangerously, we should be smart about it,” Scapegrace said, walking up to me with a cocky grin.

It knocked my ass back into taking a seat. Pointing my hoof back and forth, I found myself in a pleasant confusion, “Did she just… ?”

I think I swooned a little. Shit! Stop it! I couldn't have my head do this to me.

“If the balefire eggs are too weak to deal damage, how do you suppose we do this smart?” Calypto asked as he hobbled over on his bad leg.

“The balefire eggs on their own aren't nearly powerful enough, but they are so full of volatile magic they are practically solidified spells... and there is a megaspell chamber down the hall,” Scapegrace said with a cheeky enthusiasm.

“I think we are understaffed to make anything of a megaspell chamber,” Calypto said as he started to check through his autoloaders.

“We don't need ponies. I've learned a lot about megaspells and the inner workings of magic. I've pretty much been studying all my life for this,” Scapegrace said as she returned to the computer. A few keystrokes and she was able to bring up a map and a diagram of the megaspell chamber. “Balefire eggs are capable of being used as spells on their own. I can rig several of them up to the spell structures of the chamber.”

“Will that really work?” Calypto said as he inspected the cylinders of his revolvers. “Be effective, I mean...”

“We have one third of a balefire bomb. Hell yeah it is going to work!” Scapegrace cheered. “So, what do you think, Tumbleweed?”

“Did she... I don't know... I think she did...Did she really? I can't believe she did, but I maybe think she did...”

“Tumbleweed!”

“Wha-Yes! I agree!” I insisted as I broke out of my trance.

“I don't really believe you,” Scapegrace squinted at me.

“I was paying attention...” I tried to keep a brave face.

“Alright, fine, fine,” Scapegrace said with closed eyes. “To think I'm this close... This is a miracle.” She smiled, but soon enough it melted away into a heap of anxious slag. “We still have to figure out how to get out....” she whimpered.

“We should get moving,” I said. “We've wasted more than enough time.”

“That is what we do in the wasteland,” Calypto jested.

“So, do you want me to run you through the plan one more time while we move... in case you missed anything.” Scapegrace chided.

“Yes, please!” I said, cantering towards the exit.

The faint jingle of spurs caught my ear. “High ho, Silver,” Calypto called out with a sadistic glee.

“I am going to rip that broken leg of yours and shove it so far down your throat that the spur comes out your ass!” I ran back to scoop Calypto up as we made our exit.

*** *** ***

Tick tock, baby. Tick, tick, tock. We had gotten ourselves crammed in equipment storage; with all the junk lying around, I was starting to feel more at home.

“Are you guys in a band or something?” I jested as a mare in nothing but jet black adornments came charging at me. Somewhere, under all that makeup, I was sure that there was a pony… somewhere. She was angry, shrieking like a banshee, and with the fiercest eyebrows I had ever seen. She was touched by a mascara goddess or something for that shit not to run. Her hoof seemed to dislocate as she swung it like a whip.

I dodged back into a little alcove behind a desk in the storage room, kicking over a bundle of steel bars that had been leaned up against the wall, all of it clattering down in her way. She charged through all the same. I intercepted, stomping down all of my weight onto one of the falling poles, snuffing out her advance as I pinned her beneath the pipe. Her hoof whirred with mechanical servos, hissing as it bent out of shape and a jagged edged teeth emerged from the hoof. The hoof coiled around the bar and shredded it to pieces. Vicious. Which was great for me... The bar slipped under her hoof as she sprung forward.

I never had so much dexterity in a fight before, but like it was rote action, my hoof traced down the pole and caught the edge with my horseshoe as I ducked under cyber-raider’s hoof as it swept harmlessly over my head. I stepped deep with my kick. The raider didn’t see it coming as the bar slipped under her defenses, spearing her through, just under the neck. The magic trick left her stunned in place as she gasped trying figure out why it was so hard to breath. I snaked the back end of the pole under one of her hooves. Pinned between her bleeding neck and the noncybernetic hoof I was going to break, I made myself a tight little death handle, and with a wrenching twist, a torque, and some jump, I convinced her to throw herself onto the table. She groaned as she rolled on the cabinet.

“Cause I think you should try forming a band, I whispered. Where did that technique come from? I didn’t know, but everything felt so simple. Everything was becoming my new favorite technique, I felt great.

A jet of flames shot out from a flamethrower built into the mask on a raider galloping towards me, nearly singeing me to a crisp as I vaulted over the cabinet. I ripped the bar out from the goth mare as I dove under cover. I poked out of cover to send it spinning towards a bastard with flamethrowers poking out of his face parts. It stabbed in through the side of the tank. Almost in a precise kind of way. Kaboom. What a rush... Fighting hoof to hoof always shook me to the core. There was never a time I couldn't feel the weight of another's life in combat, but I wasn't used to it feeling this light…. It was perfect. I felt incredible. Like a dance across a dream...

The maimed, flame-tailed raider still picked himself off the ground, refusing to die as he shambled towards Scapegrace. The singed survivor fumbled back and forth with a shotgun before dashing it across the ground as the raider lacked the motor skills to put shells into chambers. With a mangled knife the brute towered over the shaken crystal pony. Scapegrace rolled about, blinded by the a tongue of fire that went in her eyes.

“Nitebrite! Watch out!” I called out as the derelict raider reared up.

You will watch your friends die.

The knife swung down as a shiver ran down my back.

By a fine hair's breadth Scapegrace dodged the blade’s whistling descent, her head grazed by the side of the dagger. She slipped to the side and leapt for the pile of shotgun shells. Without a gun or barrel, she made her own hoof into a chamber.

Ga-kow!

Scapegrace scrambled away as her bloody, cracking hoof began to piece itself back together.

The fervent howls of a bounding raider in its natural habitat broke me out of that intoxicating reverie. From behind, another raider, looking as gothic as a fool with a vendetta against happy colors, came up charging with a pistoning hoof-mounted piledriver. I grabbed the mare on the table and wrenched her about by her revving cybernetic appendage. Mid-throw, the mare cried a bitter farewell as the grafting on her shoulder tore apart, one bloody bolt after another. The mare crashed full sail into the approaching bastard in glorious collision. I was left grinning, still holding onto the bloody metal ponyhoof.

When one tried to get back up, I sent the metal hoof spinning into his head. For the first time tonight, I was on fire in the least literal way possible. Stepping on top of them and pinning them down, I could see the impetus pushing them deep within. It was all or nothing to them. They were desperate dogs. Still, how come there were so damn many of them on my back?

“Calypto?” I called out as I turned to see him crouched behind an overturned desk, gritting his teeth as he intermittently glared at raiders. He wasn't shooting! That son of a bitch! What was he thinking?

I grabbed the two dazed and confused raiders by the neck as I dove behind a cabinet adjacent to Calypto's. Just as I had, some other raider with a pair of oversized miniguns began raining bullets everywhere.

“Hey, Topcat,” I said looking away to watch the minigun kick up glass, cement and other detritus as it carved across the room.

“Roadkil,” Calypto replied as he lit up a cigarette with a disgruntled look stuck on his face.

I wrangled the two bloodied raiders as they wriggled in my grasp. “Lookie right here. I brought you some things.” I pulled the raiders forward by their necks. They had ultimately lost the fight in them. “They are the ponies you forgot to shoot. Why is that? Wanna fill me in, champ?”

Calypto breathed a cloud of smoke as he sulked, “I'm out of ammo.”

“I hate to say I told you so...” I said with a grin.

Calypto fired a glare towards me.

“But I told you so,” I said, my grin growing more sinister.

“Tch!” Calypto glanced away.

I turned to the quivering raider in my grip and whispered, “I told him so!”

“Why don't you go get yourself shot? Take a walk around. The ventilation would be good for your head,” Calypto sneered.

“Would, but I guess I'll need help from my new friends...” I pulled the two raiders up at that moment. When one started to writhe violently, I slammed their heads together. “At least they know not to waste bullets.”

“Looks like that worked well for them.” Calypto gritted his teeth. “And I did not waste bullets.”

“Oh yeah?” I raised an eyebrow.

That zebra looked at me dead in the eyes with an unwavering resolve. There was a pause in the gunfire. “I used them.”

I groaned as I rolled my eyes. I looked at one of the raiders, “Can you believe what I have to put up with?”

“Fucking Shitface-” the female raider muttered as she swung her forehoof with a blade on it at me. I repositioned myself to sit on top of the power-hoofed raider while I choked out the three-legged mare.

“If you are going to curse at me, be more creative. I don't take no tomblethumping goggleshit,” I said to the raider as I tightened my grip. Looking back to Calypto, I sighed. I sifted through the raider's pack with one hoof and scooped a hoofful of bullets. Big bullets, little bullets, some with lots of bullet buddies, banded together... They all looked like bullets to me. I flung them at Calypto. “There. Bullets. Can you please do something about 'spin-cycle' up there?” Calypto was not amused.

The bullets fell about the ground. “You have no idea how guns work, do you?” Calypto accused accurately.

“What do you want now? You ran out of bullets, so I gave you bullets. What's the hold up, champ? Lock and load!” I said as I struggled to maintain my grasp over both raiders. The powerhoofer down below was thrashing about, but I choked him between my legs.

Calypto pulled the cigarette out of his mouth as he put a hoof out towards me.“Bullets need to have the right caliber and craft to go with each gun. They aren't interchangeable.”

“‘Wah, Wah, Wah, I don't have my fancy premium bullets for my fancy schmancy gun. Boohoo hoo.’”

“If I could shoot them with my gun, I would,” the zebra said as he squinted at me. “I swear, you’re the first thing I’m gonna shoot.”

“Hey, that is less than nice.”

Calypto threw a pile of bullets back towards me. “Why don't you try to shoot yourself with random bullets, and I get to laugh you?”

“Fine, I get it! Why not use somepony else's gun!” I threw a hoof up into the air. I proceeded to slam that hoof back down into the face of the three-legged bitch. How the hell was she still alive? What a trooper!

“I like my guns. I'm not using no antique ballistic throwaway piece a raider wiped his balls with,” Calypto complained.

The rain of bullets suddenly stopped as Scapegrace pounced from behind the muscle packed bruiser. With the long crystalline blade she’d shaped her hoof into, she sliced his neck and began hacking apart the bite-trigger apparatus of the battle saddle.

“Since when was she better at this than us?” Calypto questioned as his hat fell askew against his head. He took a long drag of his cigarette.

“Yeah, we should probably get moving.” I said as I laid the two bloody, black-eyed raiders against the ground to nap. “So what kind of bullets do you need?”

Before Calypto speak, a unicorn with a collection of four floating revolvers bucked into the room.

“That kind,” Calypto posited nonchalantly.

“No problem, I got this.” I reached into my pack to pull out one pearly white sphere. Bane of unicorns! Unicorn grenade go! “Grenade!” I shouted as I tossed the orb behind me.

Hook, line and sinker. Unicorns are so simple.

-----oooOOOooo

The raider found herself ripped from her body and put into a new one. All the craze and rampage had been reined in and locked away. What would those ponies do if the raider didn't kill them? They would never know. Now, she found herself forced into a grinning, chipper disposition by the wandering mare she was woefully imprisoned in.

It was dark. The winding hall was lined with ancient stone. Shadows curved around the carvings on the walls; the only light provided was from a ring of small candles on the makeshift candelabra the pony held. The raider could feel the pony suppressing an intense urge within her legs. Was it nerves? Even in the dark, they somehow didn't feel that was the case.

“Hellooooooo~” the pony called out in a sing song voice as she lifted the cake into the air for better lighting. “Anypony in- wha-” the pony jolted.

The peppermint stick fell out of her mouth as she tried to speak. “Drat!” Covered in dirt... she contemplated the risks, but some part of her resigned to the fact that her peppermint belonged to the temple now. The pony smiled, because, clearly, the temple would enjoy it.

“Hey! Hello! Hi... How you doing? Helloooo? Hellooooo!” the pony kept rattling off greetings right and left. It was dark and she didn't know who she was looking for or where they would be. What she did know, however, was that they were going to have the life greeted out of them and feel truly appreciated. She would befriend them so hard that they might die, but not actually die because that would be terrible and they have so much to live for with good friends like her who care about them. Obviously! It was a golden balance that brought forth her powerful aura. Maintaining that radiant friendship required her to greet every pony, thing and place, high and low.

Needless to say, the unfortunate raider locked inside was experiencing cabin fever.

As the cake-bearing mare continued to assault the caverns with salutations that echoed down the halls, the tunnel opened up into a larger atrium. “Que pasa. Waazzaaaa....” the mare trailed off as she saw a cloaked figure embraced by a strange cloud of mist that poured out from ornate gargoyles on the walls, and after a moment, the mare's tongue receded back into her mouth. Perched in the crook of the figure’s hoof was a brilliant bird of fire, a phoenix. The mare's eyes darted around quickly to take in the new environment, from the star-esque lights that shimmered from the ceiling to the golden dais that the cloaked pony loomed over, as her jaw hung open. There were icons on the walls that she didn't recognize, which were very alluring, but none of that mattered right now. She was no longer alone. The pony inside of her could feel her trembling. The cake mare just followed her nature...

“uh... Hi!” The mare found herself at odds with her circumstances. She could not wave with her right hoof, and if she reared up to wave with her left, it might compromise the cake, and she could not afford to suffer a cake emergency… not since that day. Even with the sense of impropriety burning her up inside, she knew she would have to make that sacrifice for the greater baked good. “I hope you like Birthday Cake, because Happy Birthday, I brought you a cake!”

The white muzzle jutting out from hood smiled. “I'm glad you’re here, Pinkie Pie,” the cloaked figure said as she pulled back her hood. A familiar flowing mane of green, magenta, and blue billowed out, looking rather worse for wear. It had been so weird to see her long horn barren of its crown, and the circles beneath the tall mare's eyes were not befitting of her.

Pinkie's eyes dashed frantically back and forth between Princess Celestia and her cake. No matter how she looked at it, there weren't nearly enough candles. “If I-... I just-... I'm gonna need a bigger cake!”

Before Pinkie could gallop away, Celestia's golden telekinetic cloud reached out to catch the pink pony. “Hold it. I need to speak with you.”

“Just let me go, I'll be really quick! I'll get you a big cake, you won't regret it! Pinkie promise,” Pinkie Pie urged as she strained herself against the intense magical barrier of a princess.

Celestia realized that pony was going to strangle herself trying to get another cake. Celestia dropped her magic tether and tackled the pony. “It's not my Birthday.”

“Yes, it is!” Pinkie Pie stopped wriggling. “Wait… no, it’s not. I should know that.” The mare furrowed her brow in intrigue. “Then, who’s birthday is it?”

“It was a ruse, Pinkie. This was the best way I knew to get into contact with you.”

“I had no idea.” Pinkie pie froze in place. “Is it my birthday? I hope it isn’t my birthday. I’ve forgetten that way too many times,” The pony rambled as she saw Celestia raise an eyebrow at her. “I haven’t even gotten a present for myself…”

Celestia continued to gaze at her.

“Right!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Noponies party. Just a ruse. Got it.” Pinkie said with a stealthy hoof pump in celebration. Pinkie pulled herself up as Celestia levitated the cake onto the table. “I guess I don't need that cake, huh?”

Celestia glanced away from Pinkie to see the phoenix hunched up over the cake. “I wouldn't worry about it.”

Pinkie picked herself off the ground. “It has been a long time, Princess Celestia. Nopony has seen you in forever.”

“No need for formalities, Pinkie. I'm no longer Princess, and I doubt that I will become Princess again.”

As dense as the host pony had been, a wave of grim realization had washed over her. Pinkie gazed down at the ground. “It...it must have been hard for you, your hi--erp...I… I... I know that Little Horn must have been a real shock to you... all those foals, you couldn't have known.”

Celestia gave a bitter chuckle. “That is where you are wrong.” Celestia grit her teeth. “It wasn't supposed to happen...” Celestia levitated out a mug that had been hidden in the curling fog. As Celestia brought it to her lips, Pinkie could read the words on the side. I don't make mistakes, You're just wrong! “And that's why I've called you here today.” Celestia's eyes glanced from side to side, then back to Pinkie. She raised her mug to Pinkie, “...Coffee?”

“Everypony I've ever known has told me that I am not allowed to have coffee ever.”

Celestia started pouring a mug for Pinkie. “Better get used to it, because you're going to be drinking this until your death or the end of the world.” Celestia shrugged. “Whichever comes first.”

“End of the world?”

“I'll start you on decaf.”

“So, if the reason you called me here was...” Pinkie's eyes widened with her audible gasp. “Oh my you… Was I supposed to stop Littlehorn? Was Littlehorn my fault? I'm so sorry, it'll never happen again.”

Celestia passed Pinkie the mug. “It's not your fault, but neither is it my fault alone... somepony has been tampering with fate and it happened on my watch.”

“That seems kinda... I don't know. I don't know much about fate and watches and all that, but I know ponies. I know lots of ponies. Do you know their birthday?” Pinkie touched her tongue down to the steaming coffee for a moment, but it still burned her. “Ow!...I'm just saying it might narrow things down.” Pinkie looked toward Celestia, who was trying to process the question. “Wait! Are you saying you can see the future?”

“You make some interesting jumps in logic, but you are correct. How do you do that?”

“I can just feel it.”

Celestia nodded her head. With the spark of her horn, the walls of the cave faded away, opening up to a sea of stars. The carvings on the wall now were suspended into the sky. One large star was shining brighter than the rest. “I've had my empire for one thousand year. Peace for so long without oppression does not happen naturally. I've owed my power to the sun and stars. My pact with the sun has given me the gift of foresight.”

“Is that why you keep sending Twilight and the rest of us to go fight for the fate of Equestria without really caring about our safety and well-being? I'd had always kinda wondered about that.”

Celestia shrugged. “More or less...”

For once, the pink mare grimaced. “I don't like that. I want to be free to make my own choices.”

“And I've let you and every other citizen of Equestria make them. I've worked in nudging here and there to avoid conflicts. I never believed in absolute control. If Discord could be managed without him disrupting everything, I would have gladly kept even him around.” Celestia walked out towards a star and held it in her hooves. “I've learned a lot from my experiences. The ponies of Equestria have taught me much about how to govern benevolently. I had grown confident in my abilities and had neglected my oracle duties in the past years.”

Pinkie slithered across the ground in wonder of the stars around her. She grabbed a pair of stars and forced them together. As they got close to one and another they spiraled in the gravity of each other, then fused together into a brighter star. “So, when Twilight kept mentioning how the stars aided in Nightmare Moon’s escape...”

“I may have had a hoof in that...” Celestia laughed. “She is my sister.” Celestia shook her head. Pulling the star apart, the light stretched out to reveal a vision of destruction. A powerful centaurish creature laying waste to the land.

“Tirek?” Pinkie raised her eyebrow. “April 14th.” She said squinting. “So he's behind all of this?”

“Pfft, Tirek's a small fry. He is just one of many problems that have been lined up, one after another.” Celestia pulled another star apart, revealing a white pony with an Ouroboros on her flank. The image flickered and burned as it obscured the face of the pony. The white mare turned as if to look at Celestia, then Pinkie Pie. The mare smirked. “Time is a river, and fate is a tapestry. This is the pony I believe is to blame.”

“Who is that?” Pinkie leaned in, her interest perked at the thought of somepony she didn’t know. Whoever they were, they were going to be friends.

“A product of an ancient divide, older than I, let live too long. I would have hoped she had learned to love the world, but something changed her.” Celestia looked back to Pinkie. “The world is going to be destroyed. I not sure if I can fix it, but I'm going to try. That's why I need your help.”

“My help?” Pinkie put a hoof to her chest, trying to hold her nervous energy in manually. “How am I supposed to help? Are you crazy?”

“Pinkie, you have a gift.”

Pinkie's eyes widened as she put her hooves to her head. “I DIDN'T BRING A GIFT!” She shouted. She ran out into the nebulous abyss, slamming headfirst into a wall she had thought didn't exist anymore.

“It's not my Birthday, Pinkie. We've been over this,” Celestia said as she cut out a slice of cake.

“Whoops. I forgot. I was in the zone earlier.” Pinkie picked herself off the ground as she massaged the lump on her head. “...but what would you want me for? My pinkie sense is only good for vague, immediate events.”

“Indeed, and that is why I must take you under my wing,” Celestia said taking a pause between eating cake and washing it down with coffee. “I am going to train you the best I can with the spells and tools I have available. Still, you won't be able to become skilled enough at divining or fateweaving in time to handle everything I need you to handle.”

“Fateweaving and divining sound like Rarity things,” Pinkie said as she took a slice of cake.

“Different kind of weaving, divine of a different sort, Pinkie.”

“I have a question.” Pinkie frowned. “Why me?” She leaned on the table. “Well, I know why me, but why not Twilight? She is good with this kind of magical world saving stuff, and she has worked with you for a long time.” Pinkie looked down at her coffee and then up at Celestia. “Twilight misses you sosososo much.”

“Twilight cannot handle this task.” Celestia sighed. “She wouldn't take to it. I've taught her too well.” The air grew colder as Celestia spoke. “She would question everything I asked of her based on her lessons, and she would turn on me.”

Pinkie trembled under the gravitas of Celestia’s voice. “What do you mean?”

“I will not sugarcoat it. You will have to do terrible things in the name of defending this world. You may have to lie, you may have to be cruel. If we must betray, then we have no choice. Most of all, we cannot give any quarter to our enemy.” Pinkie saw Celestia’s expression harden, and all the earlier tenderness and humor vanish from her eyes - they now were the harsh eyes of a warrior. “All you need is courage and the will to keep going. That is laughter. Why did I choose you? Because you are open-minded. We may need to do awful things, but I know you will do it to protect as many as you can.”

“I don't know if I can. It's so much responsibility...”

“My kingdom is endangered. I will not run away from this fight. Of the elements of harmony, you remind me the most of myself. I could not become sovereign without friendship. I know that it will pain you, but when you can see into time and fate, it changes how you see things. It will give you perspective. Out there, there is always hope - hope that somepony will change for the better, that the good will be rewarded, and dreams fulfilled. When you gaze from the other side, it changes your perspective. Everypony lives and dies. You can only make their lives worth living. When you gaze into time, I think you will agree. We have to fight for those past, present, and future.” Celestia placed a small, wallet-sized tin case onto the table. “So…” she started as she pushed the tin labeled ‘Mint-als,’ towards Pinkie. “Are you willing to fight for your friends?”

--------------------------------------oooOOOooo-------------------------------------

Author's Notes:

Alright! The final push to the end of this arc is neigh! I am so excited I could burst. I have so many folks to thank. I love my editors, Nasty Hooves and High Spirits. They go well out of their way to make my work better. I'd also like to thank Heartshine, who advertised Joker's Wild this week in her amazing story which you can find here! Heartshine is really smart and humble, and she writes 4x faster than I do, so if you want a story that will update regularly and has some pretty interesting psychological nuances going on, check her out.

This is a section I've been sitting on for almost a year. It needed tweaking for sure, but its a strong chapterette. I didn't do a quote for this chapter. I probably will sneak one in later. Who knows. I have tons of stuff I could pull from. We are finally getting to see the beginnings of this juicy prewar storyline. Pinkie Pie, Celestia, and Hexerai. It will be good and the next section is entirely written already, so it shouldn't take all too long. It just needs tweaking. I'm getting caught up with my back log though, so who knows. I think updates will be faster when I'm out of all this dramatic stuff.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Tell me what you thought below, and do not feel hesitant to press that like button, the story is only going to get better.