I stepped out of the portal and I felt myself slump over. After being chased by an undead abomination I was understandably tired. Plus, my clothes and revolver were waterlogged again after my little swim. I let out a sigh and looked around me. Luckily, I was in my bedroom so I was able to change out of my clothes quickly. When I was showered and changed I stepped out into the castle. When I looked out the window the morning sun was still low in the sky.

‘Guess a lot of time hasn’t passed since I was summoned. Good, I still haven’t had breakfast.’ With that, my stomach growled loudly and I rushed to the dining room. When I got there, everyone was sitting down and eating breakfast.

“Morning everyone,” I said with a long yawn.

“Hey Vash,” Jason said with a wave, scarfing down some toast, “Where have you been?”

“Nowhere special,” I replied as I sat down next to Celestia. “Just summoned to another universe, dropped 200 feet into a lake and chased by an undead kitty the size of a building. Ya know, the usual stuff.”

“Sounds fun,” he nodded, pausing to take a gulp of his drink.

“Really Jason,” Rarity chided from her cushioned seat. “You have worse tables manners than Twilight!”

“I can’t help it, I’m starving.” he replied, munching on an apple, though he did at least have the courtesy to wipe his mouth.

“You’re right Jason, nearly getting eaten was tons of fun,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Yeah? I’ve done worse.” Jason snorted, fixing a glare on me.

“Whatever,” I sighed. “It’s not like I was trying to turn this into a contest or something. Actually, I’ve got a question for you.”

“What?” he asked, his gaze softening.

“When some people get displaced, can their personalities change due to their costume?”

“From what I know? Yeah.” Jason nodded, looking at me. “Why do you ask?”

“The person that summoned me became Sheogorath. And one of his comments bothered me. A mortal mind can’t live in a daedric body for long. That just got me thinking, that’s all,” I said, resting my head on my arms.

“I’m sorry Vash.” Jason reached over, placing his hand on my shoulder. “But, there’s really nothing we can do to help in that case.”

“I know, kind of wish I could though. I mean, the guy couldn’t even recall how he got to Equestria correctly,” I sighed.

“Damn, seems like he went the way of the hero of Kvatch.”

“I guess,” I nodded. “Oh, by the way, you seem energetic this morning. You haven’t even thrown one piece of cutlery,” I joked with a little snicker.

“Hahaha.” He gave a little glare, socking me in the arm.

“I know you’re technically a viking, but do you always have to use violence as the answer?” I pouted as I rubbed my arm.

“Only for you Vash.” He grinned, turning back to his meal.

“Whee, I feel special.” I joked as I tucked into my meal.

“You should, don’t normally hit people.”

“I’m guessing you’re getting into technicality here because I know you’ve been in a ton of fights. And I also know that there’s a few aliens in your omnitrix that are brawlers.”

“You’re way overthinking it Vash.” Chrysalis looked up from her meal. “Just relax and learn how to love the bomb.”

“Hey, I know how to relax,” I shot back. “And I happen to enjoy how much I think about things.”

“But does everyone else?”

“I can think of at least three that can at least tolerate it,” I replied with a big grin as I wrapped an arm around Celestia.

“Oh, and how much thought went into thy drinking contest with Jason here?” Celestia asked with a smirk.

“Um, that was a case of me underthinking the situation,” I admitted with a nervous chuckle. “But things worked out well in the end, didn’t they?” I asked with a small smile as I looked her in the eye.

“Perhaps,” Celestia relented with a small titter and a peck on the lips

“She’s just mad you didn’t knock her up first,” Chrysalis pipped up with a smirk.

“Oh, I’m well aware of that,” I said with a weak smile. “She made that abundantly clear when we told her and Luna about the whole thing.”

“Well excuse us for wanting to be the first to carry our lover’s child,” Celestia pouted as she stuck her tongue out at me.

“I already know the feeling.” Chrysalis grinned, glancing at her children, who were quietly playing in a playpen nearby.

“Hmm, well we suppose that Vash will just have to make it up to Luna, Morning and us the next time our estrus season comes around,” Celestia mused with a chuckle.

“We could have some fun before then you know...” Chrysalis looked over at her, a sultry look on her face, slowly dragging her tongue over her fangs.

“We do not know, what pleasure could we get from one who can bend their shape as they see fit,” Celestia joked as she scratched her chin in thought.

“Oh you have no idea...” she grinned deeper, a predatory look filling her eyes.

“Well, we could always bounce a few off each other,” Celestia replied with a wink.

“Shall we...?” she asked, getting up from the table.

“Right now?” Celestia asked a little surprised. “We would have to put a hold on some of our royal duties,” she continued, this time seriously thinking it over.

“Well I’m starving and haven’t had anything decent to eat in at least a day.” Chrysalis grumbled, buzzing her wings.

“In that case we would be glad to help,” Celestia replied as she got up from the table. “We art nothing if not a good host. And a good host never leaves their guest wanting,” she finished with half lidded eyes.

“Oh you are so much better than my Celestia.” Chrysalis purred. “It’s bad enough she decided to court that insufferable king...”

“What can we say,” Celestia shrugged. “Perhaps Vash has been a terrible influence on us.”

“You know, you never did tell us what your problem with Slash is,” Jason spoke, pushing his now empty plate away.

“That's right, I didn’t.” Chrysalis said simply, though I could tell she wasn’t going to say anything else on the topic.

“Me thinks it’s not wise to pry on this topic,” I offered. “Something tells me you won’t want to go down this rabbit hole until she’s ready.”

Zinnia chose that moment to enter, wearing a large fluffy bathrobe and sporting a raging blush that coloured her entire face crimson. “Morning everyone,” she greeted, taking Celestia’s now-empty seat. “D-did I miss anything?”

“I was just talking about a dude that got turned into Sheogorath who had me chased by a 50 foot tall demon kitty. And Tia and Chryssi were about to make the beast with two backs. So, not really.”

She was quiet for a minute, just staring at me as though trying to see if I was lying, before breaking into a mad grin. “Cheese!”

“I didn’t get any cheese,” I said, rubbing the side of my head. “I did get a Wabbajack though.”

“Awesome,” she breathed, staring into space for a minute before frowning, her gaze whipping back to me. “Don’t go turning me into a chicken, though. I wouldn’t mind a Dremora - demons are hot - but not until Rita’s born.”

“I don’t know,” I told her with a sly look. “I happen to like you just the way you are,” I added with a wink. “Plus you know as well as I do that I’d have no control over the Wabbajack’s effects.”

“Meh, guess not,” she shrugged. “Still though, I stand by my statement about demon girls and their hotness.”

“Yeah, but you find a lot of things hot,” I chuckled.

“Meh. Wait ‘till you meet my girlfriend and you’ll see why demons are pretty high on the scale.”

“I wasn’t doubting you. Just stating facts.”

“Oh well.” She shrugged again, turning to the spread on the table and readjusting her robe. “I’m starving, what’s for eats?”

“Whatever you want,” I told her. “Help yourself to whatever’s on the table. And if something you want isn’t here, just ask a staff member.”

“The pickles are good,” Jason commented, leaning back in his seat, cleaning his teeth with a toothpick.

“Pregnant cravings already?” the Draconid asked, shocked. “He’s, what, a week in? I’m almost into my third month by now and I’ve had no cravings at all.” She paused, smirking at me. “Aside from the normal, that is.”

“Oh, speaking of that. How are you feeling? Was Starswirl able to help?”

“Help with what?” Jason asked, sitting up quickly. “Everything ok?”

“Jason, you were there for part of it,” Zinnia deadpanned. “I went into heat, remember? I gave your insides a spitshine.” Sighing, she shook her head and turned to me again. “Yeah, he helped out. It was kind of awkward afterwards though, seeing as I walked in stark naked and started making out with… shit, what was her name!?”

My eyes widened at that. “Wait a minute, you made out with Clover?!” I asked before I started laughing. “So, is she a good kisser?”

Smacking her palm into her forehead, she groaned loudly. “That was it! I knew it was a plant…” She sighed again, looking up. “Yeah, kinda. She was more shocked throughout than participating though, just stood there. I think she was just about getting into it when Starswirl knocked some sense into me.”

“Well, sorry to hear that Starswirl ruined your fun,” I said with a pat on the back. “But I’m glad that you’re back to being functional.”

“You know, I’m really glad jotun don’t go into heat,” Jason commented, leaning back in his chair again.

“Oh, do you go into something else? Like, frost?” I joked with a dopey grin.

“Vash dear...that was rather lacking,” Rarity spoke up, shaking her head.

“Don’t care, even the lame jokes have to be made every now and then,” I replied with a snort.

“I liked it,” Zinnia shrugged, snickering slightly. “But you’re lucky, Jay. That… it messes with your head. I’ll send ya a heads up when my cycle’s coming so you don’t turn into Delta and lose it.”

“One can only imagine what two Draconids in a mating frenzy would be like,” I thought aloud and shivering slightly.

“Why on earth would I turn into Delta?” he asked, raising his eyebrow.

“Because he’s cool and awesome and part of me?” the Draconid said, frowning playfully. “And you wouldn’t wanna insult me, would you? Or maybe I’ll hold off on letting you know when I go into labour.”

“You wanna be like that huh? Because I can just not let Rita inherit anything from me.” Jason smirked, though his tone was playful.

“You wouldn’t,” she huffed dismissively. “You’re too much of a softy for children, anyway. And it’s not like she’d see anything inherited immediately anyway - Chryssy and Rarity’s kids would be first in line, right?”

“Have we really sunk so low that we’re making baby related threats?” I asked with a playful huff. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

“When we’re in a family that loves kids as much as we do, it’s a given. They’re not serious - at least, I hope they’re not -” she shot a quick glare at Jason. “But they’ll probably be frequent.”

“You make a good point,” I said with a shrug. “Though I don’t know what kinds of threats I could make. Last time I checked, Jason could kick the crap out of me if I tried something funny.”

“So could I,” she said with a smirk. “Unless you’ve got a few Ice infused bullets.”

“Well unless you plan on popping in to ‘visit’ me after Rita’s born, I don’t think we’ll need to make baby related threats to one another.”

“Oh, I plan on visiting.” She smirked, leaning back with a mug of coffee in her hand. “And you’d better visit me, too. If only for a drink and a laugh.”

“I dunno about the drink part. That’s what got Jason and I into our current mess,” I told her with a laugh.

“I’ll probably have a chaperone or something. Not sure if Whiplash would want me getting too drunk.” She smirked suddenly, winking at me. “Unless of course it’s Umbra, in which case I just have to say one word and she’s in too.”

I shuddered for a moment before responding with, “You just love to tease and torment me, don’t you?”

“‘S’what ah do,” she said with a shrug, putting on a sort-of-southern accent.

“Uh huh, ‘cause that makes my life all kinds of easy,” I said with a roll of my eyes. “So, are you going to put on clothes today, or are you sticking to the robe with what I’m guessing has nothing under it?”

She pouted slightly, glaring at me out of the corner of her eyes. “...I got some panties… And I thought you liked me naked?”

“Oh, I wasn’t knocking your incredible body. I was just wondering because I still have work to do today. And I liked having both of your help the other day. If not, I could always hold back on the changeling village and just make the dragon scale armor.”

She shrugged, shoving some food into her mouth and chewing it before answering. “Sure, I could do some landscaping or something today.” She paused, frowning to herself for a moment before adding “Pretty sure I have an actual outfit…”

“Thank you, and I’ll be sure to do you a favor in return for the help,” I told her with a bright smile.

“Watch your wording, my friend,” she chuckled. “Or you might end up cleaning my boots, if you know what I mean.”

“I think I’ll keep my wording as is,” I chuckled back.

“Pfft, dragon scale armor,” Jason chuckled, “That stuff is for chumps.”

“Hey,” I huffed indignantly. “I’m making it because I want to see if I can, not because I necessarily want someone to wear it. And even if I did, what’s wrong with dragon scale armor?”

“Because I can get you way better armor,” Jason said, sitting up, “And better materials.”

“Go on,” I said with a wave of my hand. “You have piqued my scientific curiosity.”

He reached into his pocket, pulling out a scale as big as his head, tossing it on the table. “I pried that from the body of the world serpent.”

My eyes widened as I picked up the scale to examine it. “This thing looks amazing!” I beamed gushing over the material. “How strong is this ? Does it have magical properties? Where did you get this? Do you have more?” I asked all those questions, the words running together.

“Yes they’re magical and ya know, it took Thor to kill the thing. As for how I got them, I dived into the deepest part of Midgard’s ocean and pried them off my uncle’s body.”

“Your uncle… is Nidhogg.” I paused lowering the scale. “Paternal or maternal?”

Jason sighed, putting his head in his hands. “No Vash, I am not related to Nidhogg. Nidhogg is not the world serpent. Nidhogg spends all of his time in the void, gnawing on Yggdrasil’s roots. The world serpent, Jormungandr was one of Loki’s children, Hel’s brother, who was killed by Thor during Ragnarok.”

“Sorry ‘bout that,” I said with a chuckle as I rubbed the back of my head. “I told you that I only knew a bit about the norse stories.”

“Well you should, because your kid is part of it.”

“Then I guess you or Hel will have to teach me. ‘Cause it’s not like I can just fire up Google and look it up.”

Jason pulled out a thick tome, tossing it onto the table. “There ya go.”

Zinnia blinked at the tome, smirking slightly. “Heh. And here I am with an actual, interdimensional WiFi password I can give him. And you Jay, if you’ve got anything that could use that.”

“I’m working on that, but things stalled out when I started working on the gateways.” Jason shrugged, closing his eyes.

I put down the scale and started flipping through the pages of the tome. My eyes started to glaze over from the script. “Ugh, I thought I was done studying things like this after I got my degree. Nope, turns out between magic theory and this, I might be busier than ever,” I moaned as I face-planted into the book.

“You want that password now?” Zinnia tittered. “I know you have a phone. You’ve been taking enough pictures with it.”

“That depends, you got an interdimensional charger to go with it?” I asked, not looking up from the book.

She paused for a moment, eyes wide as she scrambled around in her bag, pulling her iPod out. “Uh… no idea. Hold on, let me try something.” She began tapping away at the screen for a minute before putting it down on the table, screen down. “And now we wait.”

“Wait for what?” I asked, pulling my head up from the book.

“A woman more sexually active than me.”

“You can’t be serious?” I asked, gulping.

“You’ll see.” She smirked, turning to Jason. “And she knows about you. Her reaction in three words? “Ice Giant indeed~””

Before anyone could say any more, a door appeared in the middle of the table, dark and made of a strangely steaming stone. It swung open seconds later and a tall, pink-haired filipina woman stepped out, her voluptuous body covered by a rather skimpy set of armour-like clothing.

“Oh, the Everfree dining room?” she mused to herself, her heeled, knee-length boots clacking on the table as the door swung shut and disappeared. “I’d say… roughly six months after that bothersome Discord’s initial assault on Equestria. Am I right?” She glanced around, noticing everyone gathered before her eyes settled on Zinnia and she smiled graciously. “Ah, Zinnia my dear! How are you?”

Zinnia frowned playfully. “I could be better. Why didn’t you tell me I could go into heat?”

The new woman shrugged. “Thought you’d have more fun if it was a surprise.”

“Fair enough,” the Draconid said, nodding with a smirk. She glanced my way and her smirk grew slightly. “I think you’re giving Vash a heart attack, Patty.”

“Hommina hommina,” I said dumbly, my brain fried due to sensory overload.

“Patty” was quiet for a moment before licking her lips. “This one… he’s Vash the Stampede, right? I think I remember meeting his Displacer one day.”

I snapped out of my trance as soon as she said that and had to fight off a glare. “You did?” I asked. “There should be two. One who took the form of the Merchant from Resident Evil 4 and the other who was this creepy smiling guy.”

“Did the creepy guy have a purple tunic and a large backpack?” Patty asked, sitting cross-legged in the middle of the table. “Because that’d be the guy. Good ol’ Happy.”

“No, it wasn’t the mask salesman,” I said, shaking my head. “I couldn’t really give you a good description of his face other than the smile. He was like the textbook definition of nondescript. Someone that you really wouldn’t be able to pick out of a crowd if it weren’t for the grin.”

“Hmm… I might have seen him around the Void, but…”

“But what?” I asked, trying not to get agitated.

“I can’t remember him. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen him, but I’m not sure.” She shrugged, leaning back on her hands and smirking at me. “But what about you, handsome? What did my girl call me here for?”

“Zinnia, you wanna field this one?” I asked. “I need a moment here to think about some things.”

The Draconid chuckled, smirking at me. “Yes, Vash, she has very large breasts. What was it Patty? Thirty eight something?”

“Triple G, yes,” Patty nodded.

“I wasn’t talking about boobs, as hard as that is to believe.” I replied, looking at the table and continued trying to remember what the smiling guy looked like.

“Fair enough,” both women shrugged before glancing at each other and giggling. “Jynx! Double Jynx! Triple Jynx! Quadruple Jynx! Infinity Jynx!!”

“Can you please just tell her why you called her here?” I asked, starting to show some irritation.

“Sorry Vash,” Zinnia said ashamedly. “Right… Well, I was gonna give Vash your password for the WiFi you gave me -”

“Oh, go ahead!” she tittered. “He looks like a guy that enjoys some soppingwetclits.”

“Actually, I was going to use the internet for research purposes,” I explained, fighting off a blush. “I’ve got three marefriends so… porn isn’t as much of a necessity as it used to be.”

Zinnia rolled her eyes. “That’s the password, Vash. soppingwetclits. No caps.”

“Oh, sorry,” I said with a nervous chuckle. “Can’t believe I couldn’t figure that out.”

“It’s quite alright,” Patty tittered, the movements making her barely covered breasts jiggle slightly. “But I’m sure that’s not all.”

“Yeah… any chance you could give his phone that unlimited charge you gave my iPod?” the Draconid asked sheepishly, chuckling slightly.

“Sure, why not?” Patty shrugged. “I just need the actual phone.”

“Here you go,” I said as I reached into my pants pocket and tossed it to her. “By the way, I think you might like my wallpaper.”

Patty nodded, pushing the button. She gasped and giggled slightly, a faint blush crossing her cheeks. “You’re right, I do like that. That’s… Jason Hughes, if I’m not mistaken, right? Shapeshifted into a woman, of course.”

“Correct, and I accidentally got Jason pregnant.” I explained, scratching my cheek.

“You dog~” Patty chuckled, winking at me. “Congrats on that. That’s… what, the seventh kid he’s had? Eighth?” She shrugged. “Oh well, doesn’t matter. Now for the charge. Get ready for this!” She jumped to her feet, holding my phone up above her and closing her eyes, beginning to hum loudly.

“What is she doing?” I whispered over to Zinnia.

“Being dramatic,” the Draconid sighed, before turning to Patty. “Just get it over with, would ya?”

“Oh fine,” Patty groaned, lowering my phone and pointing to it with a finger gun. A spark of electricity jumped from her fingertip to my phone and seconds later she tossed it back to me. “There ya go, unlimited charge. Enjoy.”

I unlocked the phone and tapped the screen a few times, bringing up an old photo. “Thanks,” I told her with a grateful smile. “I would’ve lost everything in here for a while if you hadn’t done that.”

“No prob hun,” she said, waving dismissively. “Oh, and I added my number to your contacts. Just in case you wanted to have some fun.” She smirked, sniffing at the air for some reason. “...and bring the naga and two alicorns, should be a blast.”

“Naga pony technically,” I corrected with a slight chuckle. “Other than that you were spot on. You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?”

“I’m the whole reason for a lot of her ‘surprises’,” Patty chuckled, jabbing a thumb at Zinnia. “That little toy she has? I gave her that.”

“Yeah, she told me that. Meanwhile the two dickheads that sent me here took my arm and replaced it with one that can rust. Do me a favor? If you do run into my displacers again, send ‘em to this universe so I can punch them in the throat.” I said, holding up my metal arm.

“I can try. It all depends on which Merchant you got - there’s one that’s really a dick who I think is actually dead and one who disguises himself as the Merchant who’s actually kinda nice.”

“Eh, just ask them if they sold someone a .45 caliber revolver for 50 bucks at Otakon recently. There can’t be too many cases of that happening,” I replied with a shrug.

“Hey, Patty?” Zinnia said suddenly with a slight smirk. “You wanna meet Jay? You know, father of my child, soon-to-be mother, ‘Ice Giant Indeed’ Jason?” She paused as the taller woman nodded, then chuckled and pointed to the other side of the table. “He’s right there. Has been the entire time.”

Patty spun around, smirking looking down to Jason and Rarity. “Well hello there~” she cooed, lying down on the table and shooting them both a set of bedroom eyes. This movement caused me to be face to face with a surprise. A full moon early in the morning. I held up my now infinitely charged phone and snapped a picture.

“Magic, ya gotta love it sometimes,” I said to myself with a dumb grin.

The woman glanced over her shoulder, smirking at me. “Enjoying the view there, lover boy?”

“Well, it could be a little better, but it’s a little early in the morning for that sort of thing.”

“Never too early for that!” she laughed, snapping her fingers. The (admittedly minimal) fabric covering her lower half suddenly became see-through. “Zinnia, improve the view further!”

“Yes ma’am!” Zinnia replied with a salute before shrugging her robe off, climbing on top of Patty and pressing her chest into her Displacer’s backside.

“Enough!” Rarity shouted, managing to get to her hooves. “There are foals in the room! If you harlots wish to get on with each other do it somewhere else!” She seethed, breathing rather heavily.

“Plus, ponies and people eat here you two,” I told them. “Think of how unsanitary you two are being on top of inconsiderate.”

“O-oh my...” Rarity winced, placing her hoof on her stomach.

“Please don’t tell me you just went into rage induced labor?” Jason asked, before turning to glare at Patty and Zinnia.

“What, are you serious?!” I asked, jumping to my feet. “How are you feeling, Rarity? Any contractions yet?”

Zinnia and Patty shared a quick, ashamed glance, the Displacer snapping her fingers and covering them both in thick clothes. They climbed off of the table, keeping their distance from the mare but still showing concern.

“Well Vash dear, it hurts, by Faust it hurts!” Rarity whined, her wings buzzing.

“I’ll go get the midwife or whatever.” Jason got up, rushing out of the room, glaring harder at Zinnia and Patty. Sensing Rarity in pain, the larva paused in their games, looking at her in concern.

“Jason, wait!” Patty cried, snapping her fingers and bringing the Jotun back. She flinched slightly when his glare hardened even further but pressed on anyway. “I am a midwife! I have all the medical training in the Multiverse! I could deliver Cthulhu's child - and have, several times!” She paused, snapping her fingers and bringing a large hospital bed into existence, placing Rarity into it gently. “Don’t worry, she’ll be fine.”

“What do you think Jason, wanna trust her with this?” I asked as I came up to Rarity’s side.

“No, I know exactly who to call.” Jason kneeled down, sketching out a few runes out on the floor with some chalk.

“Jason, are you summoning Norse gods in my dining room?” I asked.

“Yup.” A moment later, the runes glowed, and out of a pool of darkness rose Hel.

“Well, this is a pleasant surprise, I don’t leave the realms all that often.” The goddess smiled, before her eyes landed on Patty. “And there goes the century. I was so hoping to never see you again.”

“Ah, Hel,” Patty sighed, frowning slightly. “I’ve been dreading the day. How are you, still wasting your time with those skeletons?”

“I take my job seriously.” Hel reached out and with a resounding echo, slapped the Displacer hard, hard enough to make her do a cartwheel. “There, now I feel much better.”

“Hey,” I started, slightly irritated. “I hate to interrupt whatever the hell is eating at the two of you, but… THERE IS A GODDAMMED PONY IN LABOR OVER HERE!” I shouted, hoping to get their undivided attention.

“Vash, there are a trio of changeling foals in the room who sense emotion, the only thing you just did is scare them.” Hel scolded, crossing her arms, looking down at me like a disappointed mother.

“Look, can you not give me that look,” I said with a sigh. “I’ve seen it enough as is,” I muttered under my breath. “I was just trying to get your attention. Rarity needs help, and Jason trusts you to do it.”

“Alright, alright, hatred of Patty aside, allow me to bring a new life into the world.” she took in a breath. “I’m going to give you a list of things Vash, get them for me.” She took off her robes, revealing a black suit of armor.

“Lay it on me,” I replied with a nod. She gave me the list, checking on Rarity, who was moaning in pain. Patty sighed, climbing to her feet and moving over to me.

“I’ll go with ya, Vash,” she said. “Doesn’t look like I’m welcome anymore and I can’t leave until a whole day’s passed anyway.”

“Okay, and don’t beat yourself up too much. Everyone makes mistakes. Guess that includes immortal beings that exist beyond known time and space,” I told her as we walked.

“More than we’d care to admit,” she sighed, snatching the list from me and scanning it. She nodded after a moment and snapped her fingers, all of the requested items materialising on the table.

“Hey, I’ve got a question for you,” I stated unsure of how to ask it.

“Shoot,” Patty said with a shrug, shoving her hands into her large blue hoodie. “I got nothin’ to hide.”

“I’m guessing that you’ve met a lot of other displacers just based on what you’ve said. And something’s been bugging me ever since I learned I was a Displaced. Why? Why do they do it?”

She seemed to flinch slightly at that, breathing in sharply through her teeth - which I now noticed were rather sharp. “That… is a tricky one. Some of… us, I guess, are just purely sadistic and want to see what happens when X goes to Y as Z.” She sighed, shaking her head. “Personally, I try to only Displace those that need it, to improve their lives. Zinnia, she had no family left, so I sent her somewhere where she could start a new one.” She paused, blushing slightly. “She’s the only one I’ve Displaced myself, though.”

I let out a sigh at that. “And which kind of displacer do you think I got? One who saw me as something akin to a toy? Or someone more like you? Trying to help me?”

She looked at me for a moment before snapping her fingers, a rather plain looking manilla folder appearing in her hands. She flipped through it for a moment before frowning, snapping it closed and throwing it over her shoulder where it burst into pink lightning. “Sadistic,” she answered simply.

“Yeah, I was afraid of that one,” I chuckled as I rubbed the side of my head. “But the joke’s on them. I’ve found a lot to live for here.”

She shot me a saddened glance and sighed. “Maybe, but it’s more when you were sent than where.”

“Even if Nightmare Moon does come around, I won’t let her be locked away for a thousand years.” I told her with a smile. “Besides, this world is supposed to be based off of a cartoon, the power of love has to be able to do something.” She smiled back, chuckling slightly and shaking her head.

“I hate my luck sometimes,” she giggled. “I find all these nice people, men and women alike, and then they’re either taken or won’t live long enough.”

“Well, I’m kinda sort of in an open relationship of a kind. And in a few hundred years, I’ll still look like this,” I told her with a wink as I scooped up the items for Rarity.

“That’s sweet, but maybe later,” she chuckled, shaking her head. “And didn’t you notice? I already poofed up the stuff back there.”

“Um, I was just grabbing some extra, just in case,” I offered with a weak smile, not wanting to admit I was distracted by my train of thought.

She shrugged. “Fair enough, I guess too much could be better to have than not enough.”

“Yeah, gotta think ahead,” I chuckled, not believing that I pulled off that excuse. “So, I’m sensing a story between you and Hel.”

Patty shrugged again, her hands finding themselves in her pockets again. “I dunno, I guess it all started with that interdimensional panty raid with Cthulhu and Happy.” She paused, chuckling ruefully. “I got a little cocky and tried to take the pair Hel was wearing.”

“Hold on,” I said trying to process something. “You’re telling me that Cthulhu, who sits on his throne in R’lyeh dead, dreaming, goes on panty raids?”

She smirked at me. “There’s more than one, Vash. This Cthulhu is - or rather, was - more of a horny teenager. But yeah, he does.” She paused, staring off into space. “Ah~ college.”

“Wait… beings that go on to be displacers have college? What do they teach you, Stalking Young Adults and Children at Conventions 101?”

“There isn’t a Displacer College, Vash,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I hopped around universes going to different colleges, taking all the nursing courses I could.”

“Okay,” I said, still unsure why someone like her would go to college, “so why did you think stealing panties right off of a god was a good idea? Was alcohol involved?”

“No, I was… curious,” she shrugged, shaking her head. “I wanted to know if the Norse Goddess of Death had anything freaky under the belt. You know how those Norse can be sometimes.”

“Ya know, you might have a point,” I said as I thought it over. “Disregarding the simple fact that her father is a shapeshifting trickster. She has siblings that are: a giant serpent, a wolf, and an eight legged horse. Who knows what she’s rockin’ under that armor.”

“Honestly, I wouldn’t care if she was just pure skeleton,” Patty shrugged. “I just wanna know, y’know? But she woke up before I could find out. Things kinda went downhill after that, every time we crossed paths something bad happened between us - she stole my boyfriend, I tripped her on the bus, she borrowed my favourite nail polish and never gave it back, I pawned off her foot, etcetera etcetera.”

“Wait, what was that last one?” I asked, thinking I had misheard her.

“I refuse to sit here and let you lie.” Hel scuffed, stepping out of the shadows. “You want to know why we don’t like each other Vash? She tried to stop Faust from bringing life back to Asgard.”

“Wait, what?” I asked, looking between the two. “And what kind of effects would preventing that have caused?” I asked Hel.

“Gee I don’t know, maybe nothing would be living there now,” Hel looked at him, “You do know that Jason and all of Equestria reside on Asgard right?”

“No, he just mentioned Yggdrasil. Never told me which realm he was in exactly. Okay, so how did she try to prevent life from returning to Asgard?”

“Simple answer - I didn’t!” Patty snapped, openly growling. “I was sitting and having an innocent conversation with my old friend and the topic of ‘why bother’ came up. You merely decided to show up when I was on one of the negatives!”

“Oookay, I don’t know whose side to be on here,” I said as my eyes shot between the two.

“You tried to murder her!” Hel shouted, narrowing her eyes.

‘Do they even remember that I’m here anymore?’ I thought to myself. ‘Also, how did I find myself in the middle of a conflict between a god and an interdimensional being? Can my life get any crazier?’ I flinched as soon as I thought that. ‘And I think I just jinxed myself.’

“I did not!!” Patty screeched. “By the Void, you take the worst out of everything I do! Just because I happened to be holding a knife when you turned up!” She threw her hands up, eyes wide in what I think was disbelief. “This isn’t freakin’ Undertale, Hel!”

‘Undertale?’ I questioned in my head before my eyes widened as well. ‘Oh yeah, I remember that now. I threw a few bucks into a kickstarter or something for that awhile back. Wait, did that come out after I got sent to Equestria?’ I shook my head and focused on the two in front of me. ‘Now is not the time for tangents, Vash. Just listen to what the two ladies have to say.’

“You were about to stab her in the neck! I’m not stupid!” Hel growled.

“Well apparently you fuckin’ are!” the Displacer screamed, getting into Hel’s face. “I have never once killed a person! And I wouldn’t dare raise a hand to anyone who wasn’t asking for it like you are now!!!”

‘I think it’s time I try to get out of here.’ I thought, silently creeping away from the two.

“WE don’t have time for this,” Hel growled, taking a calming breath, “We have a baby to deliver.”

“I thought you had that covered?” Patty huffed, taking a few steps back and crossing her arms. “I left you with all the stuff on your damn list. Which I wouldn’t need, by the way.”

“Can we please stop this?” I huffed from behind the two of them. “I get that the two of you don’t like each other, and I don’t know who to believe. But, now is not the time for it. So, would one of you please teleport us to Rarity so we can safely deliver her child?”

Patty sighed, snapping her fingers, and seconds later we were all in the dining room again.

Hel moved over to the whimpering mare, getting everything ready. Chrysalis had taken the larva out of the room to sooth them. I followed after Hel and set the extra things I had gathered next to her.

“How is she?” I asked Jason.

“What do you think?” Jason asked, turning to look at me. Rarity was screaming her head off, blaming Jason for her current situation.

I winced a bit at the noise but still put on a smile. “Sounds like business as usual for this sort of thing. Is she dilating yet?”

“Do I look like I know this stuff?” Jason growled, crossing his arms.

“Well excuuuse me, princess,” I told him with a roll of my eyes. “Hel, can you check on her?”

“Yes, yes, expect the eldritch goddess to do all the work.” Hel gave a roll of her eyes before moving over to Rarity. “Well...it won't be too long now...”

“Ya hear that Rarity?” I offered. “You’re going to see your baby real soon.”

“Just get it out!” She screamed back.

“We’re working on it, just keep breathing and pushing.” This went on for a few more minutes before the wails of a foal filled the air. Hel quickly and carefully cleaned the foal up, wrapping them in one of the towels. “How’s the baby, Hel?” I asked expectantly. “Is it a boy or a girl?”

“Got a healthy set of lungs on him but he’s fine.” She passed the foal over to Rarity, who smiled tiredly, holding the squirming bundle close.

“How are you feeling Rarity? I’m going to guess tired is pretty high up there,” I joked, glad the ordeal was over.

“Keep making jokes and I won't let you see the baby.” she shot back.

“I’ll be good,” I squeaked.

“Well? Come on then, come get a look.” Rarity sat up, with some help from Jason, holding the baby in view.That was an offer I couldn’t refuse. I quickly leaned in and had to fight the urge to pinch the baby’s cheeks. The first thing I noticed were the horns. The kid had two freaking horns. Both were curved back, one being the color of his mane, which was a deep purple, while the other was changeling black.

“I know you told me not to make jokes, but I think you just gave birth to a twonicorn, Rarity.”

“Bicorn.” Hel corrected. “Uni means one, bi means two.”

“Hel, I already knew that,” I just found twonicorn was a lot more fun to say.” I let out a yelp as Rarity dragged me down with her magic, my nose pressed into her muzzle.

“Do.Not.Mock.My.Son.”

“I wasn’t,” I whined. “How could I ever mock such an adorable tyke?” She snorted, releasing me from her death grip, though was now glaring daggers at me.

“So...” Jason asked, looking down at his newest son, a smile on his face. “What do we name him?”

“Can I make a suggestion?” I chimed in, avoiding Rarity’s gaze.

“Yes?” Rarity asked, her tone just daring me to say something stupid. Granted, that was a fair assessment of most of the things I say.

“Considering his unique feature, maybe we could incorporate something like ‘duo’ or ‘double’ into his name?”I offered.

“I already have a name in mind.” Rarity cleared her throat. “Elusive.” She looked down at the baby, smiling serenely. “My beautiful little Elusive...”

Zinnia snorted from where she had apparently decided to take a seat, quickly covering it up with a cough. “Sorry about that,” she said, barely managing to hold back a smirk.

“Just say it Zi,” Patty chuckled. “Rarity, you just named your son after yourself, but the male version.”

Rarity didn’t seem to care, too busy fussing over Elusive.

“Anyway...that horrible event over with...” Chrysalis shuddered. “Mammals...” She coughed. “Anyway, we were discussing Jason, and Rarity and I both agree it would be best if we went home with the kids.”

“If that’s what you want,” I told her with a quick nod. “But, what about you, Jason?”

“I’m fine with that, it wasn’t a great idea in the first place.” He moved over, pulling the two mares into a hug. “I’ll be back soon ok?” he asked, pulling away.

“Of course dear and we’ll be waiting for you.” Rarity turned to me. “Do thank the princesses for their hospitality won't you?”

“No problem, and you two and the foals are free to come back any time you want.”

“Patty.” Hel nodded. She raised her hands to the sky, the group vanishing into a pool of darkness. It lingered a little before a strange, rock-dinosaur looking dog jumped through.