Chapter 1- Haha, Yer Trump Card Flopped!~

Gears clicked, oil hissed and popped, and metal clanged to fill the cavernous space. The stench of electricity and chemicals permeated the workshop, confined by its underground nature. Here and there the clattering of its inhabitant could be heard rifling through bins of parts, searching for her supplies. Its voluptuous, radiant mechanical genius.

Me!~

Okay so I wasn't exactly radiant at the moment, covered in blackened grease and soot. I still have a figure that could kill on all its own, and no one could ever hope to compare to my intellect. Well they could compare, they just wouldn't match up.

I picked up a spanner, and threw it up to Deathtrap to hold while I found a three quarters wrench. He barely managed to grab it, I really should work on giving him some malleable mitts.

I returned to my workbench, and worked to tighten the arm to the... other part. Whatever it was called.

It was in my concentration I didn't notice a train of visitors entering my workshop. And they didn't even put on the safety booties and face masks, how rude can you get? Tromping dirt and all manners of other stuff all over my lab. That's how explosions happen. Okay, so often the explosions are my fault, but I'm sure tracking dirt in could do that too. Especially the exploding dirt right outside my lab.

What? Where else was I supposed to put it?

So anyway, I didn't even notice I was surrounded, my lab filled to the brim with Unicorn and Pegasi until their leader let out a sharp bark of a command.

"Gaige the Mechromancer, you are under arrest!" he shouted, distracting me from my experiment.

"Excuse me, do you mind?" I asked testily. "I'm kinda in the middle of something here, do you think you could come back in like, ten minutes or something?" I waved a hand dismissively, returning to my patient.

"Okay, so I'm going to start connecting the nerve endings, and if it doesn't immediately explode you will still be in a LOT of pain for a few seconds," I assured my patient, a middle aged minotaur who's left arm had been chewed off by some sort of large cat. He had told me in detail what had happened, but I lost interest in his mouth noises after 'lost my arm'. Everything after that point was inconsequential, after all.

"Wait, what?" he asked, along with a few of the guards around me.

I gave another crank, and attached his new arm to the socket. He nearly jackknifed backwards, for a second I thought he broke his back with his spasms. I'd just fix that if that happened, but oh well. His screams of anguish did exactly what I needed them to, distracting those around me as I typed into the liquid steel keyboard on my own mechanical arm. I sent commands to all the compression generators within my lab. With a sharp whine that nearly drowned out my patients cries of pain, everything in my lab dissolved into particles of light.

Well, that's what it looked like to all those present anyway. I could explain in detail, but I'm sure your feeble minds would explode into gooey grey eeeeuuuuck, and slide out your ear holes. I'll just give you the cliff-notes. Machine, parts and other stuff biiiiig. Big stuff hard to move. Generators make small. Go in arm. Safekeeping. Make so nosy ponies don't steal my stuff.

Get it?

All that was left was the table the Minotaur was lying on, and the entire garrison it seems they dragged out to corner my ass.

"Where'd everything go?!" the captain yelped, " What did you do with it? Bring it back, all of your belongings are to be confiscated, for the safety of the nation!" He commanded, trying to regain his composure.

"Uh..." I trailed off, amazed at the stupidity of this certain pony. "No? I don't want you to take my stuff. So why would I bring it back? Hellooo~, duh."

"Bring them back!"

"No!"

"Do it!"

"Nope!"

"I order you to!"

"Don't tell me what to do, bitch!" I yelled out in an exaggerated tone. "Anyway... Manny, right?"

"Actually it's Oscival the-" The minotaur started, cutting off as I interrupted his unimportant ramblings.

"Manny the Minotaur, just as I said, anyway, the new arm, it didn't explode! ~Yay~" he cringed as I mentioned this. I already told him about that, right? Seriously. "So give it a couple flexes, try out the movement. It should work fine."

Manny waved his new arm around, the light glinting in the glow of the light crystals embedded in the ceiling.

"It seems to be okay..."

"Awesome! So it runs off of a Newtonian positron collider, so it will last longer than you will. By a few thousand years. Keep it in your family after your death if you want, bury it, donate it to a museum, I don't really care. And you-" I stalked over to the offending pony barking out orders like he owned the place. "Who died and made you the boss of me? Why are you trespassing? This is private property I'll have you know!"

He wasn't fazed in the slightest, getting right up in my face and letting out a sharp breath. Oooooh, it smelled like cranberries and musk! God, I haven't been laid in a while. Once I got the Pounder -title pending, I also am particular to the Penetrator- working, all my worries would be put to ease~

Of course, I'd never get any if they locked me up.

"It is private property!" he agreed, although somehow I could tell he wasn't really agreeing with me. "This land, and the ground underneath it, belongs to the nation of Equestria! You do not hold any ownership over these premises, and once more you are under arrest!"

"Under what charges?" I said flippantly.

"Disturbing the peace, thirty seven counts of public destruction, kidnapping a diplomat, unlicensed acts of development and surgery, urinating in a public water source, sexually assaulting Prince Blueblood and insulting him with the title of 'blueballs' ," a hearty snicker ran through the ranks, I wasn't very fond of that night, thinking about it just made me ache and feel disappointed, "Impersonating a member of the royal guard, filling the Princesses pool with dead fish, doodling in the books of the royal library, covering a member of the guard in tree sap-"

"Oh, you're not still mad about that are you Shiny? I just made you shinier!" I exclaimed happily.

Shining Armor was not amused, and let out a low growl, "And the princesses favorite," his voice dipped down to a whisper, "Cannibalistic waffle irons."

"Oh come on, that was just a design flaw! How was I supposed to know they'd start attacking other machines for power? I didn't make them like that!"

"That somehow makes it even worse!" he retorted cutely. "You endangered the citizens of Equestria without a single thought! You're a menace, and you need to be stopped!"

Well that wasn't gonna happen. Nope, no how no way.

"Well then copper, ya got me!" I crowed, holding my hands out in front of me. "Yer not gonna kill me are ya mastah? Not gonna ship me off to an island, not gonna lock me's up's and's forget's where ya done put the keys?" I asked, my smile never leaving my face.

"Not exactly," He said cryptically, charging a spell to his horn and zapping my robotic arm. To my surprise, all systems went dead! What a cheeky little turd! They levitated a harness, and used it to fasten my other arm around my waist. Was gonna have to look into whatever they used on my arm, it wasn't electricity. Couldn't have that happening again. I could feel it buzzing though, the intricate circuitry working hard to reboot itself. I'd give it five, ten minutes.

I got walked outside, and shoved inside a cage. Moments later I felt myself going airborne, they must have had a couple Pegasi attached to the front. Stupid equines, didn't they read any of the designs or blueprints I sent them? If they had one of my external polarity and g-dampener engines attached to this thing, we would have been there in minutes! This way... we'd be lucky to get there in under three hours.

I'd actually measured before, if the wind stayed prevalent, we'd arrive precisely three hours and twenty seven minutes from now. If we didn't slow down. Which seeing as we had an organic engine, was inevitable. Idiots, why did they have to keep looking a gift horse in the mouth?

Heh. Ponies, gift horse. Ha.

I spent my time wisely, waiting for my arm to boot up after a few minutes. I cut off the ridiculous harness, and set about analyzing what the hell he had hit me with. Turns out he shorted me out with a feedback mmenmonic pulse. I had my nanites build a sound shield, so that I could cancel it out next time. It increased my arms weight by fifteen grams. I'd have to find a more quality material for my little buggies to use than the iron bars of the cage.

I could worry about that later though. I booted up a game of solitaire to pass the time, sending the image over my optic implants so they wouldn't see the flickering light of a hologram.. Nothing worse than being interrupted from a game. And interrupt they would. Some people just have no manners.

I quickly grew bored of such a stereotypical game, and moved onto a homemade first person shooter. I'd designed it after Doom, but with the aesthetic of Equestria. You fought shadow creatures instead of demons, humans, or otherwise. And my favorite part, I had made all the weapons extremely goofy. A water pistol, candy sourball, a disembodied hand, a wet blanket, and for the BFG I took a note out of yet another game. A unicorn, farting a rainbow. Of course I made the unicorn look like Celestia. Animating the pained expressions had been fun.

What? If a breakfast cereal can rip off Doom, why can't I?

I was almost to the third to last boss -a squid made out of shadows, I was especially happy with how this fight turned out. The boss was the center of the arena, and you ran to the left or right around the circle track to avoid the nearly shmup level of shadow orbs it pumped out.- when the cage landed with a arm shaking thud. The tremor steered me directly into a shadowy projectile, killing me. How rude, couldn't they have given me a little warning?

"You... when did you?" Shining Armor sputtered, looking at me through the bars. Apparently he didn't take well to my dissembling the leather harness. He eyed my arm, and tried zapping it again through the bars. His eyes nearly bugged out when nothing happened, and his face developed a frown as I waved at him. "Fine, you can just stay in there, you don't need to be out of it for this anyway."

I shut down my game, returning my eyes to normal. I looked outside of the temporary metal cage they thought could actually hold me. Oh hey, there was Luna, and Celestia! I waved at them excitably, but they averted their gazes. Awww, spoilsports. There was also a number of normal guardies, and... Oh hey! It was the main six! Cool, was Celly gonna try to get Fluttershy to reform me? Awesome! I could build her an automatic feeder-trap to help her feed animals and stuff, and then she'd tell ol' sunbutt I was all better and then they'd leave me alone for a while! Sounded like a plan!

"Jordan Gaige, The Mechromancer," the Supreme Tallest stated. Oooooh~, first/real name basis, that meant she was steeeeeeeeeaaaaamed. "I am truly sorry to have to do this. For your crimes against Equestria, I'm afraid we will have to take measures against you."

And heeeeeeeeeeeeeere came the part where she informed me about my... 'house arrest'.

"Ordinarily, I would have simply suggested enforced living habitation with my little ponies, to encourage a harmonious attitude."

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes!~

"But I cannot risk the safety of my little ponies." She let out a low sigh, "I can't even depend on Discord to keep you in line, his words were, and I quote, 'keep that crazy mare away from me'. So I'm afraid we will have to discipline you to the furthest of our abilities."

Wait, she couldn't mean...

"Girls... you may proceed when ready," she informed them ,and they all got into formation. Far too late, I realized they were all adorned with their Ultimate Fuck You weapons, the overpowered bullshit super jewels, the Elements of Harmony.

No! I couldn't go out like this! I didn't wanna be a bird poop receptacle for a thousand years!

"Wait! No!Don't do this! I'll be good! I'll take up knitting! Something safe, I swear!" I belted out.

"It's too late buster!" Rainbow Dash yelled, all six of the elements burned bright, the light turning white.

It came to a head, and a giant rainbow raced towards me. I stupidly closed my eyes -I was going to be turned into a STATUE for crissakes, can you think of anything worse than being trapped, unable to move, unable to SEE for any given amount of time?- and cringed as the Orbital Beam of Harmony washed over me.

I could feel the energy in my body, I could feel as my arm burned and twitched, I could feel as... nothing happened?

I opened my eyes, carefully patting myself down to make sure nothing was stony. Had it already been a thousand years? Was I trapped for centuries and I hadn't even known? Looking around, I could see... literally nothing had changed. I was still in a cage, there were still a bunch of guards in the exact same positions they were before, along with the princesses and the element bearers.

Everyone was silent, until I broke that by shouting at the top of my lungs.

"Booyah! Take that Tia! Turns out I'm too harmonious for them to work on me! Suck it!"

"But... but... she's... her!" Rainbow Dash belted out, pointing at me with a horrified look on her face.

"I... never could have foreseen this turn of events..." Celestia said sadly. "Shining Armor... take her to the dungeons. We will... deliberate on a future course of action."

Without further aplomb, I was airborne once more, and within the hour I was in a cell

Ehn, I consider it a win.

Gaige 1, Celestia and her hit squad 0.

Author's Notes:

To anyone interested in participating, Feel free to leave a question for Gaige in the comments! She'll be more than willing to answer in the authors notes of the next chapter, and give you each a shout out!

Chapter 2- Ultimatum

"What do you mean, she's gone?!!?"

The hapless guard mentally recoiled, wanting nothing more than to be... anywhere else at this given point in time. Anything would be better than being stared down by one of the the captains of the guard, attempting to explain why and how the only prisoner that had imprisoned in the dungeon for over seven hundred years managed to escape not only without a trace, but in less than an HOUR.

"She's... she's gone."

"I realize that," Captain Shining Armor retorted testily, "tell me how."

Split Streak swallowed an icy wad of spit, trying to compose himself. He knew he'd be lucky to get off easy with latrine duty for the rest of the year.

"It... like I told my sergeant, the prisoner was deposited in her cell, and less than ten minutes later I heard a tremendous explosion. It shook the entire place, spilled my coffee all over me!" Split Streak made sure to point at his breastplate still stained brown, any sympathy points he could garner would most likely lead to a less harsh punishment upon himself.

"After I made sure everything was alright topside, I hurried down to check on the prisoner. And... well..."

Shining Armor knew exactly what the guard had seen upon descending the stairs. A giant hole in the wall of the prisoners cell leading to the outside, all the magical wards and charms and other defenses torn through like tissue paper. Oddly enough, the damage seemed to have been done from the outside, which was impossible.

Even if she had been able to sneak one of her automatons big enough to cause the damage present into the city unseen, there was no way anything from the outside could have broken into the cell.

The walls themselves were designed and enchanted to deflect and absorb all kinetic energy, recycling it to strengthen the walls and the magic seals. So it was supposed to be impossible.

Shining Armor let out a harried sigh, "Very well, that will be all. Return to your post and wait for further orders."

"Yes sir!"

Shining Armor let out another low sigh, dreading the literal tidal wave of paper work he was going to have to slog through now. Even when she wasn't here, that blasted human was making a mess of things for him. He had been almost relieved when the Princess banished her from ever stepping a hoof in Canterlot after the waffle iron incident, and they were still finding the blasted breakfast makers, wandering around throughout the city. They were easily enough warded off if you just kept a jar of syrup in a saddlebag, but a majority of the Canterlot elite found themselves above... carrying things.

Maple syrup shouldn't be something you equip every guard with, he lamented.

There hadn't been any evidence remaining at the cell, besides crumbled portions of the cell itself. And that's mainly what was so worrying. There should have been damaged spellwork, still clinging to the walls. But its like somepony had simply come in, undone everything in under a minute, dissolved the framework, returned all ambient magic to a balance and then broke her out. Which of course was again, impossible.

Celestia herself had constructed the cell, in anticipation of Nightmare Moon. If the element bearers -Shining armor got a momentary pang of loneliness, he really had to start writing letters to his sister more often,- had proven unsuccessful, Celestia would have had an elite group of guards lead the parasitic Princess into a trap, effectively nullifying her abilities.

Shining Armor sighed once more to himself, opening the door to his office and trudging along the halls towards the throne room. Whatever trepidation the lowly private had show towards him during his interrogation, he would be feeling double knowing he had to report that not only had Gaige escaped a seemingly airtight prison cell, and not only that she had apparently done so effortlessly without leaving behind the slightest clue as to how she had done so, there was also the most humiliating bit of information about this event.

Nopony had seen even a single thing. Oh, there was a couple reports of civvies claiming to have seen an explosion, but nothing more than that. Not what caused the explosion, or how it was caused. Besides that, nopony had the slightest idea something was wrong. You'd think that a five foot bipedal creature with its mammaries on its chest would have been easy enough to track through a city of... admittedly less than tolerant ponies.

He reached the dreaded gateway, its large door already flung open to deal with the influx of guards reporting in to the princess.

"Shining Armor!" Shining Armor almost skipped a beat, so overjoyed had the Princesses voice seemed at the sight of him. She probably thought he brought new information, and now it was his duty to disappoint her of such a notion. "Please, tell me you've learned something new."

"I... Sadly, no. Its precisely as it was first reported. The cell was destroyed, and the Mechromancer has yet to be spotted. I hesitate to refer to this as her 'vanishing without a trace'," he winced as Princess Celestia's brows furrowed in worry, but continued all the same, "But if ever there's been a case for it, this would be pretty darn close. Nopony has the slightest clue how she escaped, nopony saw anything, and for some reason the none of the tracking spells can even so much as give a vague direction."

Shining armor continued as his Princesses face fell further and further from its previous expression of jovial relief, causing him to stumble over his words a few times as he tried to think of ways he could soften the blow.

"...Very well," Celestia started, shaking him out of his reverie, "Put the entire guard on high alert. Have them search the city, we need to check every last nook and cranny she could have possibly wormed herself away in. And above all, reassure the citizens of Canterlot that this is simply a way they can help their princess, we don't want any unwarranted unrest-"

A loud crash of broken glass echoed throughout the room, as a black disk shaped blob of metal descended through a destroyed window. Shining Armor immediately put himself between the Princess and the automaton, erecting a shield, and then folding the shield in on itself trice to further its defensive properties. Not even his wife could break through this now, a perfect defense for his Princess.

Oddly enough the device didn't... attack. It hovered there in the middle of the room, seeming to goad the surrounding guards into preparation, as if to say 'go ahead, it won't matter'. Finally over twenty guards stood at the ready, more than a few over zealous ones erecting their own shields between the device and Princess Celestia.

"Gaige," she hissed, the sound a choked whisper through her lips, "What are you up to now?"

"VOICE PRINT RECOGNIZED, RECIPIENT LOCATED," buzzed out of the device, shocking those present with its alien inflections, and scarily enough, fake sounding voice. "PROCEEDING WITH MESSAGE."

Celestia shook her head, a single time to dislodge any potential cobwebs that may have somehow gotten lodged between her ears. This... thing was going to deliver a message? She would almost welcome Gaige having come to deliver it in person, this things voice was grating and painful beyond what she had ever experienced from another living being before. Why couldn't she have simply sent a letter if she wanted to get a message across? Why-

A bright light shot out the top of the device, coalescing into the familiar form of the prankster mechanic. A few of the pegasi guards took this as an opportunity to try to tackle her, but in their attempts they simply passed through her, distorting the image.

"Hold!" Celestia roared, gaining the attention of every guard present within the throne room, and a fair amount of those without. "Tis simply an illusion! She is not here."

"Sorry about that," The image of Gaige said, her voice coming clear and bubbly from the device, "Had to wait until someone tried that, holograms, you idjits."

"Gaige! You will turn yourself over, and we will convene this matter in a peaceful solution!" Celestia called out, eager to put her off her guard. They had to detain her, and as quickly as possible. There was no telling the amount of damage she could achieve now that they hadn't even the foggiest of where she even was! "I promise that-"

"Aaaaaaaand," Gaige cut in, interrupting her. "This is just a message. I'm not actually there, this was recorded beforehand! Sorry, just knew Celestia would be dumb enough to try to talk to the freaking letter," she stated, giggling madly to herself. "Anyhoo... Celestia. It's time we end this," she stated, her expression growing hard and cold. "I'm not going to run. Its been a while since I've seen you, I know, you might have thought I went and died off in a ditch somewhere over the past month for all I know. Sorry about the building, by the way. That was just the by product of a token from my new friend. Real twoface kinda guy, I'm sure you would have liked him. Anyway, I've had a month to think over the little stunt you tried to pull with the Elements, and frankly, I don't feel like letting you escalate." The image of Gaige let a slow smile part her lips.

"I found this excellent place in town, goes by the name of Donut Joes. You and me. Lets talk. Bring however many of your friends you want to make yourself feel comfortable around me, I don't care. Don't make me wait too long, If you're not here in an hour I'll leave. No offense Joe," she stated, turning her head off to the side to look out side of the image, "These stools might be pleasant to you ponies, but this is already kinda uncomfortable. I can last maybe an hour before I have to get up bowlegged!~" she joked, a short laugh escaping her lips.

"No offense taken, ma'am," a voice said from the device. A very familiar voice, to any of those present that had ever used a bit of salary to purchase one of the best donuts in the city.

"If you've hurt him in any way-" Celestia stopped short, confused as to how and why Gaige had copied her words. At the same time she was speaking them.

"Sorry Celly, you're just too dang easy. Too predictable. 'If you've hurt him!' Sure to be the first thing out of your mouth," her expression turned thoughtful, her robotic limb stroking her chin, "That or 'I won't let you hurt him'. Something like that. Well, we're wasting daylight Princess, come and talk to me, or don't. Your choice."

The light cut out, the device letting out a single puff of smoke before filling the hall with an almost deafening air of silence.

"Captain," Celestia finally managed to force words past her lips, "Ready the guard. Make a team of ten that we can take inside the restaurant. Mobilize all other troops to surround the establishment, cut off any chance she has of escape. You, Copper Canyon!" she called out, summoning a guard to the front of the crowd, "Retrieve the elements and their bearers. If she has decided to end this," she mused, turning her attention back to Shining Armor, "Her intentions might have changed her enough to become affected by the elements. I won't claim to know why she claimed to have been gone for a month, but we must take it at face value."

Shining Armor gave her a short nod, then turned his attention to the troops scattered around him.

"All troops, fall in!"

I bought another doughnut, sending the message drone off. Hopefully those new targeting lines I had written in would make it go through the door like a normal person. Probably not, but I can hope, right?~

Another shudder of discomfort echoed through my back, and I let out a pained sigh.

"Sorry Joe, it's not like I wanna offend you, but would you mind if I brought out one of my own chairs to sit in?"

He looked around the room, even up to my Deathtrap hovering menacingly over my head. Probably wondering where I was supposed to have a chair stashed, but he should be used to things like this. At least I'm fairly certain he knows Pinkie Pie...

"Ain't no trouble. Just... take whatever you bring in, back out with you," he asked, apparently assuming I was going to go outside and get it from a cart or something. Wrong, but adorably so.

I digistructed my chair out of my arm, hopping down off the deceptively painful bar stool. "Thankee sai~ Oh yeah, I just invited the Princess here, so do you think we could something ready for her? Do you make any cake, perchance?" Chalk it up to cake butt. If she didn't want it, I'd eat it.

"Do you actually think she'll come?" he asked, shaking his head in a negative.

"Aw, pooh. Oh well, I'll just get her a bearclaw then. And I would say ninety percent chance of yes. Ten percent chance she just tries to blast me with the Elements again, but she is a rather one trick pony."

"Again?" he crooked up his eyebrow at that.

"Yeah, they tried to blast me with the Elements of Harmony. Turns out there's nothing wrong with me for them to fix. So she threw me in jail."

He shook his head, denying the claim of my story, "That don't sound like a thing the Princess would do."

"I know!" I agreed, "I full on expected her to try and get the bearers to 'rehabilitate' me or something, but nope! Pew pew, using the very essence of harmony as a weapon against something she didn't like. Hmm," I hummed, stroking my chin with my metal limb. I find I do that a lot now whenever I start thinking hard on something. And when I'm bored. And hungry. "Maybe that's why they didn't work?"

"I won't make that mistake twice," her voice sounded from behind me. Sneaky little nag, I didn't even hear her come in.

It was at that point a familiar rainbow tinged torrent of light washed over me, leaving me standing no less for wear. I turned in my seat, staring incredulously at the main six, Celestia, and a whole shitton of guardies.

"Freaking really? They didn't work the last time, what did you think was going to happen?" I asked, a tinge of anger entering my voice.

"But... they..." she mewled pitiously, all present visibly cringing away from me.

"You know, I wonder what they would do if the bearers turned them on you, Tia," I mused, "Because thats twice you've tried to have them used as a weapon against me," I picked up one of my doughnuts, a strawberry jelly filled godsend to my tongue. "They have got to be just the slightly bit perturbed at you by this point..."

"Silence! Gaige the Mechromancer, we are taking you into custody. You are under arrest. I'm sorry," she snarled, a look of sadness on her face, "This is just how it has to be."

An invisible proverbial rope inside my mind went *creak*, *creak*, *SNAP*. Seriously? I tried. I freaking tried. I tried to be nice, I tried to be polite, I tried to set up a situation where we could talk this over. Did they want to listen? Noooooooooooooooooooooooope. Fucking skaglick on a boarhinds arse.

I tried to be nice.

I reached into my vest, and depressed a button on a device sitting in the pocket.

All light in the immediate vicinity... nothing changed... but if one was vigilant, they would notice as the very colors themselves greyed out, becoming duller. The sounds of the city grew distant, as if heard through a heavy pane of glass. All music in the vicinity ceased, and died.

The pegasi were the first to notice the effects. Second by second, they flapped ever harder, trying to stay aloft. Until their hooves touched the ground, and it was beyond their control to even stand. The unicorns were next. They noticed the pegasi's plight, and quickly leapt to cast their magic spells, draining their magic into the world. A foolish endeavor. They reached the same end as the end as the pegasi, face down on the floor. The earth ponies were next. They stood their ground, believing they could overcome whatever fell spell I had cast through simple will power. Crumpled to the ground, just like the others.

Celestia was the last one standing, her mane flickering dangerously as she stared around at the multitude of ponies I had knocked down without even having removed myself from my comfy chair.

"What have you done?!!" she yelled, her aura flaring to her horn in a magnificent burst. "I told you Mechromancer, I will... not... let you... hurt..." And with that, the everpresent breeze moving through her mane ceased it's ethereal passage. Her colors dulled, and she fell to the ground, just like all those before her. They all strained to regain their footing, and they all failed.

I guess that's what happens when you disconnect the magic from a magic reliant species. Good enough for a first large scale test.

"No, this is how it's going to go down," I replied, slipping my little package out of my vest and holding it up. "Do you know what this is?" I asked, trying to keep my voice level.

"I have to assume it is the device which you used to drain us of our magic," Celestia stated, a trace of icy fear catching her dulcet tones.

"Incorrect. Your magic hasn't been drained. Notice how your cutie marks are still present?" I asked. A wave of heads turned towards their backsides, and it was all I could do to stifle a squeal of giddiness. They were so adorable! Focus Gaige, eye on target, go for gold! "This, is a magic jammer," I explained. Pinkie Pie raised a hoof tiredly, so I decided to oblige her by calling on her. "Yes, you with the pink... almost everything."

That got a giggle out of her, but didn't dissuade her question. "What flavor is it?"

"Flav- no. No no no, no. Nohohoho. No. Not that kind of jam. Its a usage of the word that means to block."

Celestia's eyes widened in shock, surprise echoing in ever facet of her reaction. Micro-expressions, mouth opening for the slightest fraction of a second, eyes widening, eyebrows raising for a moment. All gone in the blink of an eye. She was good.

"I have planted a number of these devices -of which number I will not be disclosing, but feel reassured in the knowledge that it's in the thousands.- across Equestria for the better part of the last year. I have had an entire year to prepare, so do not even begin to assume I am bluffing."

"Why are you doing this?" Celestia asked, her face and tone every inch the facade of the caring benevolent ruler. Sorry lady, that ship had already sailed. "We never threatened you in such a way-"

I let out a harsh, low laugh devoid of humor. Deathtrap copied my enthusiasm, his voice program letting out a hollow tinny laughter. I raised the device and let Deathtrap take it.

"The fact of the matter is, yes you did. You marched an inordinate amount of troops into my home -by the slightest degree of affection I can attach to a place that couldn't be different than the home I was torn from against my will- and threw me in a cage like I was some kind of... of... of animal," I spat, my voice raising a couple decibels.

Each of the faces present twitched, varying degrees ranging from embarrassment to indignation -Rainbow Dash- to even pity -Fluttershy, of course.- flashing across their mugs.

"You then carted me off to endure a punishment a majority of my race, MYSELF INCLUDED, WOULD RATHER DIE THAN BE PUT THROUGH!!!" I yelled, strings of spittle flying from my raging maw to splatter across the muzzle of Celestia. It seems in my anger I had closed the distance, putting only a couple inches between us.

"You... you can't mean that-" Celestia pleaded.

"I have never meant anything with any more finality in my life," I assured her, "I would rather die than be locked in place, unable to move, unable to breath, unable to SCREAM in terror as my mind wasted away into insanity." I ended on a deadly cold note, staring her in the eye. "Until the moment you attempted that, I viewed your threats as empty. Innocent. Non threatening."

My brow furrowed, and I placed my eye less than an inch away from Celestias own, so she couldn't look anywhere else but straight at the only thing that mattered at the moment. I heard several of the guardsponies -Shining Armor included- trying to drag themselves over, anything to protect their sovereign. Ineffectively, but kudos for effort.

"No more," I stated resolutely. "Now my kid gloves are off- No pink one, I do not mean gloves made for baby goats, I'm inferring that I've been hiding my 'true strength' and am getting serious," I rebuked Pinkie pie, gesturing to get her to stop waving her leg around. "Now, I'm going to call the shots. For trying to do what you attempted to do to me, I should -and have absolutely no qualms about- kill you all, right here and now. Eliminate the threat to my well being. But I'm not going to do that, because I actually like some of you, and it'd make them sad if I offed their friends."

I took a deep breath, slumping backwards to sit in my chair. "Remember the magic jammers? Back to them. I have placed them all over Equestria, and if I don't send them all a signal each night at a specific time, they will activate. Effectively crippling your society."

I glanced over the room, noticing the looks over horror that were circulating. "Here are my terms, so that I don't go trigger happy and hamstring your entire country. I am moving to Ponyville," I claimed, noting with satisfaction that surprise filtered across all their faces, followed by anger.

"Never in a million years!" Rainbow Dash yelled, straining to get to her hooves. She failed, of course, but again it was a nice effort.

"I am moving to Ponyville," I reinforced, "I am willing to activate the piddly little signal each and every night, if you let me be. Twilight Sparkle," her head raised at the mention of her name, "Will be allowed access to my domicile per her own voluntary will. I will not force her comings or goings, under the stipulation that she is not to remove anything from my premises. I will submit to paying for renting -and/or outright buying- the land which my domicile will rest on, as long as you do not try to overcharge me with an endless line of hidden fees. You might have noticed, I'm pretty damn smart, I do read the fine text."

Celestias eyes narrowed, I could almost sense her brain heating up as she tried to think of a way to spin this in her favor.

"Twilight Sparkle will be allowed, and encouraged to keep you up to date on whatever it is I feel like doing that given time or day or whatever. You can then offer criticism, support, whatever floats your boat about the current situation. Whether or not I follow your advice or not, is my prerogative."

"I will not allow you to continue to put my subjects in danger-" Celestia started.

"My terms are non negotiable. Either follow them to the letter, and accept where I give you slack, or Equestria will wake up one morning realizing the sun and moon aren't moving," I threatened. "You wronged me in a very personal manner, you no longer get to call the shots. This is very much a hostage situation, and be very well informed that I am holding a blade right up against your jugular. This threat will only be removed once I no longer feel threatened. Seeing as you quite easily sentenced myself to slow mental decay in a prison of stony flesh, -not once, but fucking twice- that might very well take a good long while. Might be you have to wait for me to die of old age. About a hundred years shouldn't put too much of a damper on you, but if you push me I might take offense and make those hundred years a living hell for those you care about, just to lash out at you."

"Wait... what if you do die?" Celestia asked, a suddenly panicked expression on her face, "What about the magic blocking devices? What will we do about them?"

"Pray," I responded, my voice dipping down to a whisper, "Pray that once it comes to that point, I've become more relaxed to the point of letting you out from under the heel of my boot," I stated.

Without further ado, I stood up, de-digistructing the chair from underneath me. I reached up and grabbed the magic jammer from Deathtrap, switching it off. I watched a few seconds as movement returned to Celestia's mane. Good, I wasn't really sure whether or not return of magic energy would be immediate or not. First test on one of the two royal sisters, successful!

"See you in Ponyville, I'll be setting up shop right next to Fluttershy's, I'll be sure to not scare her animals. Toodles!" I belted out jauntily, turning on my heel and walking out of the building.

Author's Notes:

Shirotora says, >> MicNight I think it has more to do with the kidnapping, destruction of property, and the numerous other charges.

ALLEDGED charges, god damnit! Just so you know that public urination one is total bullshit!

Taitou says; Wait, really? Huh.
Okay. So Gaige, what's it like being a Displaced? Do you have any memories of your character from Borderlands 2? Are you going to hop on the incredibly obnoxious and overused bandwagon of wronged-by-Sunbutt-while-really-helping-stories, or are you actually going to be original?
Because honestly, you have a giant fucking robot. You are pretty much REQUIRED to be original when you have a giant fucking robot.

Honestly? It's been pretty carefree. I've traveled, built up my supplies, met new people. My troubles only really started once I got to Equestria. I will admit, before all this I was a bit of a brony -pegasister, if you wanna get uppity and use that fruity title- so I had been looking forward to finally making my way to the core of the show. Boy, was I disappointed. All the ponies are zenophobic, Celestia and Luna are super paranoid -as you have no doubt come to the conclusion yourself by my memoirs- and won't even give me the benefit of the doubt. I'm actually thinking about moving back to Zebrica if my next gambit doesn't pay off. At least they aren't all racist assholes.

I actually have all of Gaiges memories. I may have more of my own than hers... but hers are more vibrant, she had a more colorful life than I ever did. I even stopped calling myself by own name less than a month after I arrived. -Jordan, in case you were wondering. Jordan Brown. Boring, I know. Gaige just sounds better to me now.- And yes, all those memories caused quite a bit of trouble, making me kinda schitzo at times. Having an entire lifetime of mechanical prowess dropped into my mind left me a bit shaken.

I was willing to help from the start. But after what they did... Fuck em. If they abide by my terms, I'll let them live their lives in peace. If they try to buck me off, I'll come back hard with a boot to the back of their idiot heads. I'll still be doing what I want, and If I find someone I want to help I will. But if I end up doing something they don't like... they better fucking deal with it.

I'm actually in the middle of trying to construct a Saturn sized Deathtrap. There has been some troubles... I need better materials, as it is I can make something large, but it starts to break itself under its own weight.

SonicRainDash18 says; Gaige answering questions? Count me in! Let's see, some good ones...
First, what is your current build? Anarchy tree all the way, I presume?
Second, preferred weapons and manufacturer?
Third, greatest technological item you created since you arrived in Equestria?

First off, I may be based off of a game character, but I myself am not one. Deathtrap has subroutines and functions that corralate somewhat to the in game titels, but beyond that I'm pretty much left with my own intellect and tech.

I really liked Tedior in the games, followed closely by Jacobs. Theres just something about unloading a single shot, and then tossing your gun directly into your oppenents face and watching as the remainder of your ammo blows up all over their mug. Can't beat the accuracy and firepower of a Jacobs though, with a Law at my side any baddie in the room is a second away from sprouting a spurting stump from their neck.

As to preffered weapons, I'm especially partial to SMG's and revolvers.

When it comes to 'technologic wonders' I've made since I've been here, it's really been restrained by the materials I've been able to get my hands on. I already had a collection of nanites that came with the body, but I haven't been to construct any more of them. I've copied a lot of tech from other franchises, -nothing that can fly, the tech in my Deathtraps' hovering mechanism requires materials I wasn't able to get my hands on until recently.

So I guess you could say my Majic Jammers are the best thing I've come up with so far, but studying with the zebras also gave me the direction to create chi and ki jammers too. Haven't really figured out chakra. It's weird. Kinda like chaos magic in its own way. As for what I'm hopefully working towards?

Project: Khorya CLASSIFIED

Flare Blitz asks; So a question for Gaige huh? Well I got a good one for you! What are all the weapons you have at your disposal? Also Gaige is best character! <3

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeell, I can't really list everything I got. Both because that would spoil future story elements, and because the author doesn't have them written down or thought up at this point in time. Seriously, its a new gadget every day, and a thousand pro's and con's as to why they would or wouldn't work.
Flutters Is Shy will be releasing a chapter that will not only keep track of all my current supplies, but reveal some others that might be interesting but not actually used in the story!
Oh, thank you sweetie! *Gives you a quick peck on the cheek, then sprays a laquer over it so you can keep that and clean the area without actually losing the sensation of my lips on your cheek*

Chapter 3- 'First' Contact With A Bat Shit Crazy Mechromancer

Twilight ran through her mental checklist as she gazed up at the monolithic building looming in front of her. It was a nearly featureless pillar of whitewashed metallic material, four sides that seemed to stretch overhead to scratch at the sky. It was lucky that subject 'Mechromancer' had decided to set up shop on the fringes of town, as it was it would be a nuisance for any pegasi flying in the nearby area. Thankfully Fluttershy seemed to favor sticking close to the ground.

One. Go the the residence of subject 'Mecromancer'.
Two. Convince subject 'Mecromancer' that she was there to take her up on her offer.
Three. Infiltrate subject 'Mechromancer's' inner sanctum. Acquire as much information regarding subject 'Mechromancer's' plans, tools, fortifications, and any other pertinent information as possible.
Four. Find out, extort, or otherwise acquire password to disable null magic devices.
Five. If unable to find out password, figure out some way to trick subject 'Mechromancer' into giving up said password
Six. Relay all experiences to a containment memory crystal. Have Spike send containment memory crystal to Princess Celestia via dragonfire 'mail' spell.
Seven. ...
Wait for reply.

Twilight looked at the physical copy of her list, wincing as she realized she had skipped forty seven steps in her hurry. It was just so... exciting? Not exciting. If she qualified it as 'exciting', that might taint further impressions. Exhilarating? No. It just made her... anxious.

If she wasn't careful, she'd end up making everything worse. The mechromancer had for some unknown reason given her permission above any other ponies to enter her stronghold. If she could just convince her to give up her evil ways, everything could go back to normal. But if she made a misstep...

Twilight swallowed back a gulp, sweeping a hoof from her chest outwards with a deep breath to banish her tense thoughts. She'd succeed. She had to. Princess Celestia trusted in her, she couldn't let her down.

With an extended hoof, she tentatively knocked on the only ornament of the tower. The door. It was a tall rectangular groove on the southern face, with the words 'Front Door' inlaid in bright blue letters directly above it.

A square about four hooves by four hooves lit up level with Twilights face, the words 'intercom' appearing within it.

"Ooh! Twilight! You're late! Hurry up and get in here, I was just getting ready to leave, I almost left without you!" Gaiges voice called out through some sort of invisible speaker.

The door slowly hissed open, sliding into the wall next to it as Twilight stared into the depths of the tower in mild confusion. The subject had been expecting her? She was late? She was never late! That was the same as being tardy! That was horrible! She might send her back... to...

Twilight repeated her breathing exercise, slowing her heart rate. The 'Mechromancer' wouldn't send her back to magic kindergarten. She didn't have the authority. She probably didn't even know about magic kindergarten. So she wouldn't even know about magic kindergarten to be able to send her there. Still, being late was nothing to dismiss. If everypony was late, then nothing would ever get anything done!

Twilight stepped inside, the door sliding shut behind her. She was left in complete darkness, stumbling over her hooves for a few steps before a line of lights flashed into being underneath her.

It was a series of flashing arrows, leading her deeper into the cavernous building. It didn't make any sense, there weren't any compartmentalization type magic arrays woven into the building. There was barely any magic in the tower, it was almost as if the entire place was a magical dead zone. So how was it so large? It seemed that she had already walked at LEAST three lengths of the tower.

Another minute passed, Twilights only companion being the echoing clops her hooves made upon the floor. She was beginning to think something might have gone wrong.

"What the... seriously?" Gaige's voice echoed around her, catching her off guard as she tried to figure out where it was coming from, "C'mon, I told you to start up the holochamber as soon as she came in, how long has she been sitting in the dark in there?"

"The file was corrupted," a different voice answered, also echoing through the space around Twilight. "I have been trying to distract princess Twilight while I attempt to recover the original file." Twilight wasn't sure, but the voice sounded... wrong. It didn't sound like anypony Twilight knew, and it also sounded weirdly... androgynous. She couldn't for the life of her definitively latch either a female or a male identifier to it.

"First, Twilight isn't a princess," Gaiges voice admonished the first, "Second, how the hell did the file get corrupted? Screw it, whatever, I'm already running late, just salvage what you can and give her whats left."

"There is not much to-" the voice started.

"Zip it Querty! Just do it so we can get going!" Gaiges voice called out harshly.

"Yes, mistress," Quertys hollow voice acknowledged.

The flashing yellow arrow vanished from underneath Twilight, leaving her in suffocating darkness. A pinprick of light appeared on the 'wall' in front of her, slowly growing as a static white noise crept in around her. Twilight closed her eyes against the growing glare, wincing as she threw an arm in front of her eyes to protect them.

"Welcome!" Gaiges voice called out, emanating from directly in front of her. Twilight glared at the source of the voice, silently trying to scrutinize past her bleary vision as her sight returned to normal. When it did, she almost wished it hadn't. Gaige the mechromancer was standing in front of her... but it wasn't her. It was some form of illusion, one that appeared to be poorly put together. Every time she moved, parts of her disappeared and reappeared at seemingly random, and every time she talked her skeleton slipped through her her skin, as if they had been cast as different illusions and attempted to mesh them together.

"Welcome to -BZZT- Tower!" the voice of the subject declared, and Twilight realized abruptly that something had gone wrong with her voice. It was almost like she had skipped past part of her own conversation, and even her body seemed to teleport randomly in place. "You can pretty much -BZZT- where in the facility, but be careful of the -BZZT- seriously, don't go anywhere near the -BZZT- I'm serious, this could be a matter of life or death, don't -BZZT- And that's the safety taken care of, so just remember, have fun, be safe, but don't -BZZT- ddle Arabia. I've got an appointment with the -BZZT- we'll just be there for the day, so don't worry. If you have anything you had planned, please inform me at your earliest convenience. I might just have to leave you behind if you can't come -BZZT- exits are here, here, and here on the craft," she declared, pointing at a blueprint that suddenly appeared in the air before Twilight. Except part of her hand was missing, and the finger that pointed at the blueprint hung freely in the air unconnected from her hand.

"-BZZT- just remember, under no circumstances should you -BZZT- but don't worry, as long as you follow the comprehensive safety protocols I've described, you should be perfectly fine!" her voice happily stated, sending a cold line of dread through Twilights mind.

"Wait, what?! No! You skipped steps, you skipped steps!!!"She cried out as the floor opened up underneath her. She fell for a few hooves, before a sloping surface made contact with her hooves. She realized she was on some sort of slide, but she was hard pressed to figure out the exact dimensions as she slid on in relative darkness. She couldn't even properly tell which way the slide was going, seeing as at one point she could have sworn she was sliding upwards.

A hatch suddenly opened up underneath her, sending her sprawling into an admittedly comfortable seat. As Twilight tried to regain her bearings, she slowly shook her head. Finally her surrounds swam back into vision around her, showing her that she was in the seat of some sort of enclosed carriage.

"What?! Where?!" Twilight squawked, trying to blink her sudden nausea away.

"Keep up, Twilight," the subject admonished her from a seat next to hers. "Like I said in the training vid, you went down the G.G.E. , now you're in my departure bay. Inside a dragonspy -mark III respec-, but you already know that from the training video, good god listen to me ramble, you already know all this I'm just so excited to finally be able to talk to you since Celestia never let me before..."

Outside of two bug eye like windows, a large metallic ring filled Twilights vision. Her eyes grew wide with surprise as a weird energy slowly crept over the opening of the ring, transforming it into a sideways pool filled with glowing light.

"Ground gate, my own design. Well, I based it off of star gates, but this is faaar less powerful. Had to work with the materials I had, but it seems to work well enough."

Twilight felt a spike of fear as she stared ahead, her gaze uncomprehending as she slowly recognized what she was looking at. It was impossible. It was theoretical. There was NO freaking way the subject should have been able to create something like this, ESPECIALLY without magic!.

"That... that... that," she stuttered, lifting a hoof to point at the ring of certain death their craft was slowly edging its way towards. "Thats... an event horizon..."

"Yep!" Gaige responded gleefully, seemingly unaware of their immanent demise.

"That... that'll destroy us!" Twilight yelped, looking over to Gaige with worried eyes, "It'll rip all of our molecules apart!"

"Well, yeah," Gaige admitted with a bored tone, looking at Twilight in confusion, as if something were wrong with her. "How else would it transport us?"

Before Twilight could even release her pent up scream of terror, the craft leapt forward with a sudden jerk. There was an almost titanic roar as some sort of non magical propulsion device turned on, shooting them forward through the glowing circle of light.

Author's Notes:

G.G.E. Great Glass Elevator. I like Willy Wonka, alright?

Short as heck chapter because I'm trying to figure out how I write this arc.

Crimsoin Sun asks;

Questioning for Gaige? Alright I'm game.

First off, how old are you, game wise. I never got while playing borderlands 2. And did Celestia really just say 're didn't do anything to you' or something like....Damn Orochi would flip if he heard that. I hesitate to ask this last one, because I think it would come off as annoying (paranoia curse you!) but think you can do a crossover over with The Beating Of My Heart, I'm sure you'd like Rin.

Oh, btw, you're my favorite for you're abilities in the game, Kreig is also because of the things he says and that rampage is fun if a bit suicidal. That's all I got, mind telling the author he is doing well, and I hope to see more soon.

Well... thats kinda hard to answer. Partly because what you're asking is about seperate parts of me. I guess the answer would be that I was sixteen? And the other part of me was twenty three? I guess? Sorta?

And yes, she sure as heck did. Screw 'er. Who exactly is Rin? Jack never told me about her...

Awwwww, thank you hon!~ Is the author a he? I honestly never met them face to face, I've only conversed with them via some sort of 'Charlies Angels' intercom, with a digitized voice to boot. I guess 'he' never said 'he' was a male or a female... 'He' kinda writes like a girl, but 'he' talks like a guy... Ehn, I just call the author a him anyways... Yo, Author!

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A reader thinks you're making me look good! Keep it up!

ER... yeah. Sure. As always, leave a question for Gaige, or her newest companion Twilight!