“We’re back…” the Summoner noted, glancing around the area. They were indeed within the realm of the living once more--their heartbeat thumped frequently, their breaths shallow but calm, and their senses keened.

Like prior, the atmosphere was choked by a pitch black blanket of mist hazing throughout the area, enveloping the whole forest in its mantle.

Wielding the Trident with a swirling brandish, Ral placed it down upon the ground, slamming it into the dirt. As expected, sparks shot out from it, illuminating a good portion of the area. Just like before, there stood--alive and breathing--the Behemoth Tree.

Ral looked down, spotting the root they had stepped upon just before they died. “Ah… how convenient. We were sent back in time.”

“Didn’t that True Bitch mention about us getting a new Soul or something?” Vaati questioned, his eyebrow arched.

Suddenly, popping up in red font just before the Main Character’s view were the words: “Vaas_Montenegro is joining your session.”

“Oh,” Vaas uttered out, pained and almost in a wailing sort of fashion as he was forcefully laced within the Main Character’s mind.

Suddenly, the presence of a maddened individual pierced throughout the mind of the Main Character, with a resonating bellow-like roar, the individual finally spoke out, “NO! I don’t want to make that a combo! I JUST WANT IT WITH A DRINK! Why the fuck would I get your-”

Vaas paused, seemingly confused at not being where he was a few seconds ago.

“This is… weird,” He said as the Main Character flexed the fingers on his right hand experimentally. “Where am I? What’s going on?”

"You, my friend, are dead, and now stuck in world of ponycraft like the rest of us." Malideus said, in a deadpan voice.

“Dead!?” Vaas repeated in both disbelief and jest, etching a grim smile upon the MC’s face. “You gotta be kidding me.” He suddenly, gazed upon skywards, planting his hand upon the right side of his head, “Wait--now I think remember what went down; that bastard bartender pulled a gun on me.”

“And then…?” Vaati prolonged with a dull slur in his tone.

“You said I was... dead?” Vaas paused, chuckling as he spoke out those words. Readjusting the posture of the Main Character. “I’ve gotta say I’m pretty disappointed that I got wasted by a fucking bartender.” he pouted his lips sarcastically as he shrugged, “I’m thinking that’s not what happened though. I’m thinking the bartender turned into a dragon or something and beat the living shit out of me.” He shrugged sarcastically once more, still bearing the same pouted face that brazened out sarcasm.

“But enough of that shit,” Vaas stomped his foot as he raised both his hands, stilling them in the air, “Why the fuck am I here?”

“Our current excursion to terminate a particularly irksome authoritative entity of false deityhood and detestable panache,” the Summoner stated firmly, folding the MC’s arms together.

Vaas arched the Main Character’s eyebrow as he slanted his glance towards the desolate darkness of the forests--peering at the decaying, shadowy trees emblazoned upon the pallid dirt, grassless soil.

Vaas coughed before asking, “English please?”

“Oh,” the Summoner uttered out with a blank, abrupt expression. “For simplicity’s sake, we’re on a quest to find and promptly murder an annoying bitch.” The Summoner flared his eyes open as he pointed at nothing in particular, extending the MC’s index finger. “Oh. And said annoying bitch is also the reason why you’re here.”

Vaas gradually looked towards the ground, shaking his head as he did. “Motherfucker… So this ‘annoying bitch’,” he paused, repositioning his head forwards, “placed not only you assholes, but also me--in this fucking single body?”

“In summary…” Ral nodded subtly, “yes.”

“Fuck.” Vaas casually stated. “Well,” bringing forth both hands clenched in a fist--save for the hyper-extended middle fingers apparent within them, Vaas cursed, “Fuck… FUCK! Do any of you. Any of you what this means!?”

“Um... “ the Summoner muttered out. “We’re just nine-thousand and nine-hundred ninety-two away from having enough souls like Ermac?”

“No!” Vaas flared his hands upwards, flailing them in a frenzied state, much like a berserker of the Nordic warriors of old. “My dickhead pirates, that asshole Jason Brody, my cache of drugs--my fucking drugs! What do you think is going to happen to all of them!? I might as well have just been pissing into the fucking wind, man!” He kicked the ground, stirring up dirt into the air.

“Join the club bro,” Vaati added. “I lost an entire planet.”

“Bet you didn’t lose your virgnity,” Vaas shot back, hinting a snarl-like growl growl behind his tone. “I was a king on those fucking islands!”

“Okay, okay,” the Summoner swiftly butted in. “We get it; you’re pissed. Nay; that must be an understatement. You’re apoplectic. Yes?”

“Do I need a dictionary or something for when I talk to you, or... ?” Vaas replied, his growling anger randomly dissipating.

“No… not really.” The Summoner scratched the back of his head, feeling somewhat awkward. Coughing out, he proceeded, “Anyways… I suggest that you be more… cautious on where you step. That kick could’ve killed us.”

“Really, hermano?” Vaas tilted his head in amusement. “Wherever the hell this is… a kick can kill us?” He smirked smugly.

The Summoner took control of the MC, turning him around. Raising the still blazing Trident, he gestured the light over the Behemoth Tree, still undisturbed and hibernating. “Apparently,” the Summoner pointed at the massive, breathing tree with his index finger, “yes. We can get killed if we simply kick the ground.”

Vaas, understandably enough, staggered backwards a bit, gaping the MC’s mouth open. “What the fuck is that?”

“What do you think it is?” Malideus retorted. “It’s a damned pine tree.”

“No.” Vaas lowered his arms a bit, forming an opened hand as he asked once more, “What the hell is that?”

“That, my friend, is a dungeon boss.” The Summoner nodded. “But since you’re a pirate, I doubt that you’d know anything about-”

“RPG games?” Vaas widened a grin on the MC’s face. “Shit! Of course I know RPG games. Drugs aren’t the only shit landing on the Rook Islands. Sometimes we loot off ships that have some modern pieces of cargo. Cameras, consoles, laptops--you name em’. I got em’ in my stockpile.”

“What,” Malideus said outright, not displaying an ounce of emotion in his stoic words. “So… they really aren’t kidding when they say that everybody plays video games in this generation.”

“I guess so.” Vaas muttered out idly as he glared upon the stilled beast of lumber before him, his eyes analyzing the thorned branches, the grooves running across it, its breathing--it was as if he was a predator assessing his prey. “We’re stuck in a hell… that follows game rules?”

“Pretty much, stupid I know.” Vaati responded uninterested “Say, you wouldn’t happen to find some android or cyborg girls in your island, would you? One’s white, the other black and the last one’s blue.”

“Can’t say that my pirates did…” Vaas muttered out. “Though, I’m pretty sure they’d make good substitutes. The local prostitutes in the island are getting a little-”

“Anyways,” the Summoner butted in once more, ending the conversation abruptly as his voice resounded within the Main Character’s head. “What are your proficiencies… Sorry, I’ve not a single idea who you are still.”

“Vaas Montenegro.” Smiling, he shifted around the Main Character’s figure, fidgeting around a bit in reflex. “Aw shit… no smokes.”

“We’d rather not inflict further harm to our body…” Ral mentioned, waving his hand dismissively. “We’re already good at doing that.”

“Whatever…” Vaas eyed upon the sparking Trident, gawking at it as he has finally realized that the MC has been holding that for more over than an hour now. “What the hell is this thing?”

“That is the Lightning Channeler’s-”

“The Trident,” the Summoner answered. “Or--that’s what we refer to it for now, anyways. We’re not really sure about the name of that thing.”

“My name sounds cooler.” Malideus pouted.

“This isn’t the only thing we have at our repository of weapons though…” Unsheathing the Staff of Vodahmin, phasing it from non-existence into the palm of the Main Character, the Summoner wielded it around within the left hand. “We also have this… thing.”

“The staff! Of Vodahmin! Is it really that difficult to say the whole damn thing?!” Malideus shouted, hugging the staff.

“Two sticks.” Vaas furrowed his brows for a bit, inspecting both the Trident and the Staff. “Nah man. I can’t do much with sticks.”

“Ah.” Ral nodded in understanding. “You must be more proficient in other weapons… I feel as if it have been a while since we’ve purchased another piece of Equipment from the Equipment Terminal.”

“Maybe True Celestia can sell some more equipment to us?” Malideus offered.

“Why would Celestia sell anything to us? Why would she even waste time being anywhere we can reach her?” Vaati asked.

“That is a valid point,” the Summoner thought allowed, soothing his aching eyes with his fingers. “She is True Celestia. She must have her ulterior motives... “

“Guys, how long have we been talking?” Vaati added. “If I breathe in any more of this crap, I think we’re going to suffer from some serious lung damage.”

The Summoner coughed out as he fidgeted around in the air, making swatting gestures with his arm. As if tapping an interface, a screen popped up. More notably, it was a Menu. Within it were everything quintessential to an RPG menu--Inventory, Stats, Skills, and a strange option, ‘Shop’.

“Oh?” Ral uttered out in amusement at the suddenness of the appearance of the previously unknown feature. “How’d you know that you could do that, Summoner?”
The Summoner blinked blankly. Shrugging, he answered with deadpan, “Well… I saw the anime SAO and figured that we could do the same.”

Everyone went silent for a bit--evoking an eerie silence for a bit, leaving only the breathing of the Tree Behemoth as the only source of ambience.

“Ha, you watch anime!? NEEEEERRRRRD!!!” Malideus shouted, breaking the silence, his condescendment echoing throughout the desolate forest like a bell. Suddenly, just yonder ahead of the Party, the slumbering Tree Behemoth twitched and whirred to life, its eyes slowly opening, revealing the scarlet, bloody irises behind them.

“Oops.” Malideus finished with a flat tone.

“Even though I agree with Malideus, god damnit Malideus.” Ricky sighed.

“Aw this aint good.” Vaas groaned.

“Dammit!” Ral hissed underneath his breath. “It’s stirring awake!” He swiftly tapped upon the ‘Shop’ option. The screen flaring, it flared blankly. Searing into the empty canvas of the interface, three options became available:

Equipment Terminal, True Celestia’s Divinity, Tips 4 Skrubs.

The Summoner instinctively lowered the MC’s jaw as he glared at the last option. “Really? Wow. Can you be even more of a total prick, T.C?”

“I don’t know, I like it. Very direct.” Malideus said, scratching his chin thoughtfully.

“At least she has a bit of a sense of humour.” The Fat Friar shrugged. “And at least she isn’t being all passive aggressive politician.”

“I’m with Mal on this one,” Vaas chuckled. “Maybe I kinda like this T.C bitch.”

Shrugging off the pointlessly annoying antic of True Celestia, Ral jammed his finger against the first option--’Equipment Terminal’.

Suddenly, the screen’s text were replaced by a search bar and a list of myriad, uncountable items for sale. Displayed in bold, stylized font shining red was the amount of Equipment Points the Party currently possessed.

It was a measly eight. The figure eight stood in place beside the Equipment Points.

“Eight?!” the Summoner, aghast, shouted out in agitation.

“Eight, huh? Well, I’m not sure if I should be either pissed or relieved.” Vaas said, lightly optimistic. “But, seeing that someone just yelled out in horror, I’m thinking I should be pissed.” Stomping the ground, Vaas yelled out, “Fuck!” The group flinched.

“Stifle it, pirate! We don’t want to wake the tree further!” The Fat Friar said.

“Vaas--whatever the hell your last name was,” Summoner spoke up. “What do you say is your most favored choice of weapon?”

Vaas folded his arms as he shrugged. “Pft. Guns. Seriously? Guns… are everything, hermano.”

Flipping to the “Firearms” category, the list was removed off all items, save for the exception for an uncountable menagerie of guns.

“Wow.” Vaas’s eyes lit up like kindling submerged in fire as he perused through the dossier of guns. “Now this is something.” He whistled, clearly impressed.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool. Now hurry and pick something, amigo.” Malideus snided.

Vaas pointed at a large shotgun with a drum-style magazine. “That street sweeper is pretty badass, but it looks like we can’t afford it… shit.”

“Hey, Summoner, can you add some filters to this thing? I wanna see what they have for pistols.” Vaas said, addressing the mage.

“I believe so, yes.” He replied, opening a small menu and checking a box text to the word ‘Handguns’

“Oh… yeah.” Vaas exclaimed, a smile growing on his face. “This one will work.”

“Are you sure?” The Summoner asked. “We can’t change this later.”

“Yep. I’ve always been in love with this fucking gun!” Vaas exclaimed. “It’s a G18 with an extended thirty-three round magazine. I can fire it in full or semi auto depending on how accurate I wanna be but I’m a hell of a shot, I can assure you. Plus, it’s only four points, we can probably get something else later!”

“Okay, that sounds good, but how are we going to acquire more ammunition?” The Summoner asked, cokcing an eyebrow.

“Fuck me, I never really thought of that.” Vaas groaned.

“Maybe enemies drop ammo? Like, as common drops?” Malideus offered.

“Sounds good!” Vaas exclaimed, a grin plastered to his face.

“Alright, then, let’s do this the RIGHT way, Shall we?” The Fat Friar said, ready to begin the fight.

“On it!” Malideus beamed, and without warning, he spied a root, and stomped on it at least three times in rapid succession.

The root retracting into the ground as Malideus withdrew his foot, the Tree began to convulse and roar, shaking the ground as it let out deafening roars of excruciation.

Quelling its monstrous, otherworldly shrieking, it flashed opened its slits, revealing its scarlet eyes. Tendrils began to unburrow, encompassing the tree as they shook off the dirt riddling their serpentine visages, poising at the Main Character like feral snakes.

Author's Notes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-wn4ytEy-I