“Where the fuck are we…” Malideus managed to utter out, his voice vocally battered and coarse.

“We appear to be,” the Summoner coughed a bit as he stood up, “In some sort of white area of nothingness… just like Character Creation.”

“Wait!” Ral shouted out as he too bolted upright in a panicky frenzy. “We have our bodies back!”

Vaati, just aside from Ral, spoke up as he examined himself, “Fuck yeah! You’re right… but why?”

“To taunt you animals, of course,” a voice resonated. A very familiar voice to be exact; it was feminine, but cruel. A malice unrivaled complimented with a grimly cold tone was parsed within the voice.

It was the voice of True Celestia.

“You…” the Summoner hissed out.

“Inhale my dong enragement bitch!” Vaati, his teeth gnashed against each other, soared his fist high, flailing them wildly at the illuminance of the incandescence before him.

“Lovely. Just when I was enjoying being myself again...” Malideus sighed, preparing to lunge at the direction of the voice.

“Malideus, if we die again I will beat you into the next life myself if I have too!” The Friar shoved Malideus back. “She beat us once, and we’re nowhere near tough enough to get into a fight right now. Besides, she’s probably using weird mind magic to talk to us.”

“This is the afterlife, fools…” A pillar of light descended from the endless stretch of white above, blazing into the white, plain flooring before the LoHAV-ers. “I thought all of you would be familiar of it by now.”

“Yes, and we were all having fun minding our own damn business until you came here.” Vaati added.

"On the contrary, you were being devoured..." A pondering, prolonged hum faintly sounded off from the blank stretch of nothingness. "Well, perhaps it's that you're a masochist, maybe? Hahaha ha...."

The ray of sunbeam dimmed a bit, lowering from blinding to just barely bearable, as a figure casted down from it. Descending slowly, casting down a shadowy silhouette upon the ground, the figure was ablaze with infernos.

It was equine in form. Slender and tall, its body slowly approached from the ground. Its coat, emblazened with fire, was purely white. Its red, crimson mane held an ethereal, wavy flow, flourishing within the wind like fabric.

Tapping against the ground as it landed slowly, it reared its head, revealing blood-like eyes complimented with a grinning, maddened smile.

“True Celestia…” Ral muttered, standing in place a bit wobbly as some sort of paralysis numbing him to the bone.

“Hey…” The Summoner snarled as she approached him. “Did you gain weight?”

Like an infernal demon bathing in Hellfire, True Celestia merely scoffed with a mocking laugh, her pupils wringing out a battering, continual flow of condescension.

Stilling herself as she closed the distance between her and the LoHAV party, she stomped her foot. Thumping resoundingly, the flames were casted away as a sudden breeze fanned them into mere embers.

“Pitiful as ever, loathsome wastes of life.” Finely, True Celestia stood. Despite having the flames emanating from her dissipated, small kindles of fires ran through her pale orange coat.

“Look who’s talking.” Vaati smirked and not caring about whatever fancy entrance she’s giving. "You're an abomination of someone's semen, you pompous sicko."

“How…” Ral muttered to himself. Facing Celestia, he demanded, clenching both of his fists. “How are you here?”

True Celestia rolled her eyes in amusement as she shrugged nonchalantly. “Oh? Haven’t you noticed it by now?The reincarnation? The perpetualization of your lives? This amusing system’s rules that you have to play by? The random Equestrias you’re being plunged in?” True Celestia lowered her head, furrowing her brows lightly as she grimly smirked. “All of this is my doing.”

“What?" more or less, the entire LoHAV party spoke out, their synchronized, but off-tune, voices melding into one, dissonant chorus.

“We don’t want any,” the Summoner muttered audibly, teeth visibly clenched as he glared at the smiling equine before him.

“Want any of what?” True Celestia tilted her head as she glared at the Summoner with a malicious smile.

“Any of the bullcrap you’re spewing,” the Summoner stated.

“Oh…” True Celestia whirled a bit, feigning a pouting face. “So you don’t want to be resurrected again?”

“Much less when YOU'RE the one doing it, we’re not stupid to do a devil’s gambit you know.” The purple mage sneered, his lips contorting, displaying sheer contempt.

“Little elf,” True Celestia spoke out. “You already played the role of the puppet… Unfortunately, the puppet ended up… torching itself into ashes.”

“Forget it.” Ral shot his hand from one side. “If we had known that our reincarnation was your doing, we’d have stopped whatever it was we were doing and just decided to dick around for all of eternity!”

“First time hearing you say ‘dicking around’ there…” Summoner noted with an arched eyebrow.

“Is now the time?” Ral shot back a leer at the Summoner.

“After everything I’ve done up until this point,” True Celestia sighed--hinting disappointment, “This is the mistreatment I get.”

“For all the lives you’ve ruined, all the worlds that have been plunged into your insanity, all the blood and ashes laid on desolate battlefields that were under your name…” the Summoner clenched his mouth tight, quivering in place out of anger as he stared deep into Celestia, “Yeah… I guess you deserve that mistreatment, don’t you think?”

“Pft.” True Celestia trudged a bit back. “Well, you do know that I’m giving you an opportunity to get one more chance to kill me, right? After all, you’re traveling through Equestria after Equestria--you simply need to kill the ruling Celestia in those Equestrias to proceed. And since the Equestria that you are given is random, you have the chance, albeit a slim one, of arriving in my Equestria.”

She placed some distance between herself and the LoHAV party. She flared her wings, revealing plumes ignited with flames. “Like a phoenix, birthed from radiant sunlight, I shall give life.”

“For the majority of the part… all you gave was death,” the Summoner uttered out, barely suppressing his spite. “But… what do you mean ‘another chance’?”

“Get the hint asshat, we don’t want to be your puppets! Plus, my mother units and all the inhabitants of Elysium died when I passed away, I don’t have a reason to come back.” Vaati screamed at her.

“But you do want to kill me, right?” Celestia cradled her neck, leveling her condescending face with Vaati’s.

“For the last time: Fuck. Off.”

“Cool it, Santa’s little helper,” Malideus brought his hand to the right, gesturing towards Vaati’s enraged figure. “If we ever want the chance to somehow return to what we once were, we’ll have to take the opportunity and hope to Bolas that we kill her.”

“Good boy!” True Celestia exclaimed, clapping both her front hooves together in mocking fashion as she smiled with a grimly giddy mien. “At least this one doesn’t bark at its owner.”

“I’m more bite than bark, you Ulfiik.” Malideus sneered, the last word of his resonating slightly.

“Good! Good!” True Celestia cheered. “Because it would be otherwise boring with you stopping your quest on killing other Celestias.”

“You… you’re spectating us?” the Summoner inquired, his voice a bit dulled as the paralysis intensified. “For what reason?!”

“Bleh.” True Celestia dismissively waved her hoof around. “It gets awfully boring being an almighty tyrant with power beyond comprehension.”

“You ever tried community service? Smough and Ornstein seem to have fun doing that.” Malideus said, shrugging.

“Fine.” Ral shrugged off the numbness, dispelling the tremors of his body. “We’ll play by your ‘game,’ just send us off already.”

“Ah-ah.” True Celestia shook her head slightly. “Not yet. Not just yet. While all of you are here, I’d like to give you some new… options.”

“Options?” Ricky repeated, putting up a scowl. “And by that you mean…”

“One: allow you to gain another Soul of a dead combatant under your… categorization. I won’t do it for free…” True Celestia blinked, her grin displaying a glimpse of utter deviance. “Since however that one of you left that body I gave all of you, I shall make this a one-time exception and thus grant you another practitioner of your… professions; free of charge.”

“Being nice to us, huh?” the Summoner snarked out in a snarl. “Won’t get you far, but we are taking that free Soul.”

“Alright.” Celestia nodded, showing a devoid of emotion--despite her convincing smirk. “You shall receive a randomly chosen Soul once you are given back life. And for the second option,” True Celestia composed herself straight once more, “I shall give you a portion of your memories back--might allow one of you to regain some of your powers.”

“You’re giving us a free sample of this as well, True Bitch?” Vaati snarked.

“I was considering it,” she shook her head as she closed both her eyes. She promptly grimaced. “But then I’d rather not if you’re that rude to me.”

“Mother fucker…” Ricky muttered out in a harsh, but silent hiss-like whisper.

“Finally, the third option,” True Celestia positioned herself finely once more, keeping a firm glance on the LoHAV group as she opened her eyes, “I will give you additional information about your current task, should it prove too difficult for you, like, say, making a sandwich, or learning some manners, but only for a price.” True Celestia said, still grinning in her smug little way.

“Right, so we get to pay you to patronize us?” Malideus deadpanned, wondering why he was even talking to True Celestia.

“Depends on my mood, kid.” Celestia said tauntingly.

“I swear to god, if Nicol Bolas was here right now…” Malideus growled, ready to tear the pony in front of him in half.

“Fine, fine.” True Celestia feigned an agreeing nod. “If all of you are this disgruntled, I might as well give you some ‘tips’ on fighting that little sapling that is currently munching on your corpse.”

“We don’t need your help,” the Summoner resolved with a steeled stance and furrowed brows. “We can handle ourselves finely.”

“Pft. Sure, sure. Enjoy whatever fallacies you whisper to yourselves.” True Celestia rolled her eyes once more, albeit more subtly. “But here’s a tip for you monkeys the next time you fight the oh-so menacing sapling: don’t, for the love of common logic, strike the damn thing with your fist, or use any other form of melee combat. It’s apparent to you mindless idiots by now that you’ll get countered with tendrils if you do so.”

“...Seems fair.” Malideus replied.

“Maybe Audrey should remember we’re not invincible like she was, first.” Ricky’s tone was scathing.

“Oh fuck off, you backwoods boy!” Audrey shot back with an equal intensity.

“Moving on…” True Celestia raised herself. “The next thing you were probably too unperceptive to notice was the fact that the eyes of that sapling can be forced to be shut, should it be injured. It can’t hit you if it doesn’t know where you’re at; still, should trip over its exposed ingrained roots poking out of the ground, you’ll undoubtedly alert it of your positioning.”

“Seems obvious enough.” The Summoner folded his arms together.

“Alright then; I don’t think I’m forgetting anything.” True Celestia cocked her head a bit. “Time to send you off! Farewell for now.”

Author's Notes:

Fellow readers! If you haven't noticed by now that Dark Souls and Monster Girl Quest are quite prominent in this story, don't fret; the writers have their sanity intact!

...or do they?