“...So then the agent, shocked and disturbed at this point, asks the father ‘what do you call this act?’ And then the father simply says ‘The Aristocrats!’” Ascentia finished.

The only one who laughed was Pinkie. Everyone else was mildly disturbed.

“That was a good one, Asy!” Pinkie giggled.

“Thank you,” Ascentia smiled, refilling her mug. The entire group had decided to hang at Ascentia’s family apartment for the afternoon. It had been a… colorful experience to say the least.

“Sooooo! Where’s Maexxy?” Pinkie asked with a grin.

Twilight, Rainbow and Rarity all winced as their eyes darted around. Fluttershy and Applejack seemed unphased.

“She’s around,” Ascentia smiled as she looked around the apartment, “Ah, there she is. Right up in the corner of the ceiling. Built herself a little perch. Sure enough, Ascentia’s Camel Spider, Maexxna, was perched up on a chandelier in the living room.

“Ooh! Coolie!” Pinkie grinned.

“She’s beautiful!” Fluttershy marveled.

“Oh my,” Applejack said, getting a better look at her, “Ah gotta say, Ah’ve never seen a spider that big before.”

“No no no no no no!” Rainbow squealed in fright, darting behind the nearest person to her, which happened to be Fluttershy, “Nope nope nope nope! Keep her as far from me as possible!”

“I second that notion…” Twilight shook in fright, crawling back on her hands.

Ascentia made kissing sounds, to which Maexxna dropped down from her perch onto Ascentia’s head, nuzzling her hair, “Aw! Mama loves you too, Maexxy!”

“Wow! She’s so tame!” Pinkie exclaimed in amazement, “Can we hold her, too?”

“Oh, yes!” Fluttershy agreed, nodding.

“Noooooo!” Rainbow whined, shaking her head rapidly.

“Oh, don’t be such a sissy, Dashie! Look at her! She’s so cute!” Pinkie giggled, “She wants to be friends!”

“Relax, Rainbow,” Ascentia chuckled, “Maexxy’s completely docile unless you try and hit me. Then she’ll maul your face off like a rabid wolverine.”

“Not. Helping!” Rainbow shook her head rapidly, “Just noooo!”

“Kitten, I love you… that entitles you to my bone marrow and one of my kidneys, but no,” Twilight backed away, “I draw the line at creepy crawling insectoids and arachnids.”

“Pfft, we’re not sleeping together, so you don’t get to draw the line at squat,” Ascentia stuck her tongue out, while Maexxna trilled happily, nuzzling into her neck.

Twilight looked offended, “...Excuse me?”

“What I mean is this is my house, this is my spider, and Mama loves her spider,” Ascentia nuzzled Maexxna’s head and stroked her fuzzy body.

“She’s got a point, Twi-Twi!” Pinkie put in.

“Not now, Pinkie,” Twilight waved her off, “Let me put it to you this way, I don’t like spiders. I never did. You can do whatever you like with your spider, I don’t care. But I am not getting near her!”

“....Are you seriously playing the ‘It’s me or the pet’ ultimatum?” Rainbow groaned.

“No, I am not! I just don’t want to go near a spider bigger than my head!” Twilight shook her head rapidly, “My answer is no thank you!”

Ascentia got an uneasy look on her face, “Uh… Twilight… stay still.”

“Huh?”

“Just… trust me. She gets very territorial, especially when it comes to me,” Ascentia said, slowly getting up. That was when Twilight noticed that Maexxna wasn’t nuzzling her neck anymore. She couldn’t see her anywhere.

“....If she’s right above my head right now, I am leaving,” Twilight stated, “And I’m not being cute, I will walk out that door.”

“Well, she’s not above your head,” Ascentia said as she slowly approached her, holding her hands up with her fingers curled like a snake ready to strike, “She’s on your head. And she’s angry. So don’t. Fucking. Move.”

At this point, everyone was staring with wide-eyes. Pinkie was fascinated, however, trying to hold back her “Ooohs” at the sight.

Twilight at this point could feel the mild weight on her head, and closed her eyes, too petrified to move. “...Okay… I’m calm… I’ll remain still… wait for her to calm down, too… and then I’ll… slowly walk out the door… Everything’s fine… everything’s fine…”

Twilight could feel the creeping sensation as Maexxna crawled over her head. And then she came into view, trilling angrily as she seemed to glare right into Twilight’s eyes. Behind her, Twilight could see Ascentia getting closer.

And then Maexxna struck.

Twilight screamed just before she felt a hand cover her eyes, and then a scream of pain as she felt the spider pulled away from her head. The hand came off her eyes and the first thing she saw was Ascentia pushing Maexxna into a large cage with one hand. The other was bleeding profusely.

“Bad girl!” Ascentia scolded sharply through her own groaning, “That’s a bad, bad girl!”

She sat back down, clutching her hand as she started tying off her wrist.

Everyone was silent with shock, not at all sure what to say or even do. The only sounds that were heard was Maexxna’s saddened trilling from her cage. A petrified Twilight shook visibly, tears in her eyes. She then stood up, grabbed her bag, uttering a shameful “Sorry” before she bolted from the apartment, closing the door behind her.

“...Asy?” Pinkie crawled over to her, “Are you okay?”

“That was crazy,” Rainbow remarked with a light whistle.

“Good gracious, she isn’t venomous, is she?” Rarity asked with concern, crawling over to see her hand.

Ascentia nodded, “She is. Call the hospital,” she grunted, watching her hand turn purple as she successfully cut off the circulation.

“I’m on it!” Rarity whipped out her cell phone, dialing rapidly.

“Is there anything else we can do to help?” Fluttershy asked, biting her lip.

“Poor Asy…” Pinkie said sadly.

Ascentia hissed as she watched the wound bleeding, taking great care not to touch it as Rarity called for an ambulance.

“911 Emergency, what’s your-”

“Yes, my friend’s just been bitten by her pet spider,” Rarity said, looking concerned as she glanced back at Ascentia.

“Alright, can you tell me what kind of spider, ma’am?” the dispatcher asked.

“What kind of spider is it, dear?” Rarity asked worriedly.

“Maexxna’s a Solifugae,” Ascentia hissed.

Rarity nodded, repeating this to the dispatcher.

Everyone on the room heard an audible “FUCKING CHRIST!” from the earpiece, along with assurances that paramedics were on their way. The dispatcher hung up, leaving the rest of them confused.

“Uh… am I missing something or-”

“Camel Spider venom is lethal,” Ascentia hissed, tightening the band on her wrist.

“Oh, goodness!” Rarity uttered in shock, “This is terrible!”

“Don’t worry, Asy! We’ll make sure you’re safe and sound!” Pinkie told her. She went over to her, squeezing her shoulder.

After a few minutes, the paramedics came through the door, ushering everyone away from Ascentia as they sat down on either side of her.

“How long ago was the bite?” one of them asked.

“About five minutes ago,” Ascentia groaned.

“And how long was it before you tied off the wound?” the paramedic asked.

“A few seconds after I was bitten,” Ascentia explained.

“Alright, good job,” she assured her as she drew out a scalpel and started making a cut in Ascentia’s hand, opening a fresh wound as blood started to drain out into a pan set in her lap while the other paramedic started preparing a needle.

“Have you ever been bitten by this spider before?” the paramedic asked.

“Once,” Ascentia explained, “When I was really little. I already know the procedure. Go ahead.”

The paramedic nodded as her partner injected Ascentia with anti-venom while she continued draining blood from Ascentia’s hand and cleaning the bite wound.

While the process went along, the rest of the girls stood off to the side, looking from Ascentia to one another.

“Sooo…. who’s going to tell Twilight?” Rainbow asked neither of them in particular.

“We should give her time,” Rarity stated, “Especially since this will be quite a bomb to drop on her.”

“We can text her later,” Fluttershy said.

“I’ll do it!” Pinkie said brightly, “I’ll just tell Twi-Twi to come meet us somewhere and we’ll make sure Asy comes, too! Don’t worry girls, they just need to talk this out!”

“Oh she’s not going anywhere for a while,” the paramedic said, “She doesn’t need to be hospitalized, but she’s going to have to spend a few weeks recovering.”

“...Ohhh…” Pinkie pouted, then sighed, “Asy, you’re going to have to make sure Maexxy-baby stays in her cage!”

“Yeah, I know,” Ascentia groaned as the paramedic injected her with a sedative to put her to sleep in the next half hour.

“Poor Asy-baby…” Pinkie pouted.

“At least she’s okay,” Rainbow said with a sigh of relief, “I can’t imagine how Twilight would feel if something worse happened.”

“Let’s not think of that, dear,” Rarity murmured, “Let’s just make sure she’s all right.”

The paramedics cleaned up Ascentia’s wound and packed up their things, “Can one of you help her into bed? She’s gonna be fine. She’s just going to be really sick for a little while.”

“Of course,” Rarity came over, helping Ascentia stand up steady, “Come now, darling. I’ll make sure you’re comfortable.”

Ascentia accepted the help and winced as Rarity pulled her to her feet, guiding her to her bedroom as the others, sans Pinkie, slowly filed out of the apartment with the paramedics. Rarity laid Ascentia down in bed and tucked her in, Ascentia falling asleep only a few seconds later.

“How’d she get the bite, anyway?” the paramedic asked out in the hall.

“She got it trying to save spidey from biting her girlfriend!” Rainbow declared, whistling.

“Mm-hmm, she intercepted the bite when Maexxna attempted to attack her,” Fluttershy said.

“That spider was a might angry and territorial…” Applejack nodded.

The paramedics both whistled in astonishment, “Damn. She took a Camel Spider bite for that girl? Yowza. You know you love someone when…” the two of them stepped around them and returned to the ambulance waiting outside.

Pinkie sat in the apartment on the floor, in front of Maexna’s cage, holding her cell phone in hand. She looked from her phone to the spider, who was still trilling sadly.

“Don’t worry, Maexy-baby. Asy will be just fine,” Pinkie said sweetly, “And she still loves you.”

Maexxna curled up into a ball and buried herself into the sand in the corner of her cage. She didn’t like being in the cage.

“Yeah, I know… It’s no fun,” Pinkie said with a nod, “I know how that feels, being all trapped and stuck because your parents don’t want you causing trouble… When all you were doing was with good intentions…” She sighed a bit, “But don’t worry about Twi-Twi. She was just a little upset… She didn’t mean to make you mad.”

Maexxna whined quietly as she hid her face.

Pinkie’s phone gave a tiny beep. She glanced down to see a text from Twilight.

‘IS ASCENTIA STILL MAD AT ME?’

Pinkie smiled a bit, then wrote her back, ‘No, Twi-Twi. She’s not mad. But she did get hurt, though. She’ll be just fine, she’s sleeping now.’

‘Sleeping? It’s only 4:30.’

‘Maexy-baby’s bite was venomous. So we made sure to call the paramedics to help Asy. She’s fine, she just needs a few weeks to recover.’ Pinkie wrote back.

There was a few seconds pause, before Twilight messaged back.

‘WHAT?! POISON?! IS SHE ALRIGHT?! IS SHE HURT?! WHAT’S GOING ON?!’

‘It’s okay, Twi-Twi. She’s fine! They did some kind of medical procedure and she’s going to be okay! Camel Spiders are apparently venomous! She knew that, and she saved your life! Isn’t that wonderful, Twi-Twi? She loves you enough to practically take a bullet for you! Or spider bite, in this case!’

‘I’M COMING OVER THERE!’

‘Twi-Twi! Be calm and don’t get upset, okay? Maexy-baby feels bad. She was just protecting Asy, just like Asy was protecting you!’

Twilight didn’t message back. At all. Pinkie could only conclude that she was already tearing across town to get back to Ascentia’s apartment. Pinkie got up and went into Ascentia’s bedroom. She was fast asleep under the covers, her face looking pale.

“Poor Asy,” she pouted as she glanced around, and her attention was directed elsewhere.

Ascentia’s room was messy. Her clothes were scattered everywhere, clutter was lining the shelves, and a smattering of sex toys were strewn across the floor and her dresser. Easily visible to anyone who walked in.

“Wooow… Messy messy, Asy!” Pinkie said, shaking her head, “Twi-Twi’s going to have a field day with this roomie!”

Ascentia rolled over and reflexively wrapped her arms around a plush toy of a purple, winged unicorn, nuzzling it as she murmured in her sleep.

“Awww….” Pinkie cooed, giggling at the sight, “So cute!”

The door burst open and Twilight ran in, looking frantic, “Where is she? Where’s… Kitten!” She dropped to her knees beside the bed and gingerly laid her hand on her shoulder, “Are you okay?”

“She’s sleeping, Twi-Twi,” Pinkie said gently, “We need to let her rest.”

“She’s going to be okay though, right?” Twilight asked hopefully.

Pinkie nodded, “Of course! Asy said she had this happen before, so she knew what to do. We called 911 and they took care of her. She’ll be okay!”

Twilight, having burned off a lot of her anxiety running across town back here, breathed a sigh of relief as she sat with her back against Ascentia’s bed, “Oh.. thank Celestia…” she took deep, calming breaths like Cadance had taught her to as she looked around Ascentia’s bedroom, “...My girlfriend’s a slob.”

Laughing, Pinkie patted her back, “So why don’t we surprise her and clean up? Especially those toys! No no! That’s unsanitary!”

“What’s unsanitary?” Twilight asked, looking down and seeing the dildos and plugs strewn about the floor, “What the… oh Kitten…” she facepalmed.

“Should you really be doing that? That belongs to Ascentia,” Twilight frowned as the two sat at the table.

“It’s okay! I’ll wash it again!” Pinkie waved it off. She giggled, adjusting the vibrator, “Besides, it’s funsies! She won’t care!”

Twilight shrugged as she looked at the box of toys that Pinkie had spent an hour scrubbing and disinfecting, “...Goodness, she really has a lot of anal plugs…”

“Yeppies! Enough to start her own shop!” Pinkie laughed, “She clearly loooves it in the bum bum!”

Twilight plucked out one of the larger ones and looked at it, biting her lip as she imagined Ascentia playing with it, “Yeah… it looks like she does…”

Pinkie giggled, winking at Twilight, “Sooooo! You think you and Asy-baby might do a little something with this?”

Twilight blushed and dropped the plug back into the box, “N-No! I mean… I don’t know… I can’t tell her I’ve been going through her toys while she was asleep…”

“Twi-Twi, we were cleaning for her! She’s going to know we saw them!” Pinkie told her, patting her shoulder. She extracted the toy from herself, giggling. “Want to try it?”

“What? NO!” Twilight balked, pushing away from the table, “I’m not going to use my girlfriend’s sex toys, Pinkie!”

“Suit yourself!” Pinkie giggled, getting up and going to wash the vibrator, “Although… I think I know what you should do next, anyway.”

“What’s that?” Twilight asked, turning around toward her.

Pinkie ran the vibrator through warm water, then glanced at Twilight, “You need to let Maexxy-baby know you’re not a threat to Asy.”

Twilight’s pupils shrank as she glanced toward the cage with Maexxna inside it, “Are you insane?! That thing almost killed her!”

“She was only trying to protect Asy,” Pinkie told her, making sure the vibrator was thoroughly disinfected and clean. She placed it onto the table and rejoined Twilight, “And that’s because Asy was protecting you, Twi-Twi. You need to make peace with her, too. Like it or not, she’s Asy’s baby. You gotta get along with her.”

Twilight glanced back to the cage. Maexxna was up against the bars and staring right at her, growling at her. She shrunk down and whimpered, “But she’s… the size of a dinner plate!”

“And she’s in her cage. She can’t hurt you,” Pinkie said softly, “Please, Twi-Twi? Do it for Asy. After what she did for you, I think you owe her that much.”

Twilight took another glance at the cage and whipped her head back, “No! I hate spiders!”

“Technically, a Camel Spider is a type of scorpion, but she is an arachnid either way,” Ascentia muttered as she stumbled out of her bedroom and over to the fridge, taking a bottle of water out of it and popping it open to drink from it.

“I know that, Ascentia… I’m just scared of her… She almost killed me. But worst off, she almost killed you…” Twilight said sadly, not registering what was going on, “I want to get along with her, but I don’t like spiders! And she hates me. I’m just going to have to avoid going near-” She looked up then, wide-eyed, “Kitten! You’re okay!”

Ascentia murmured something unintelligible as she drained the water bottle. She was about to return to her bedroom when she spotted the box of her toys on the counter. She reached in and pulled out a very large, purple plug, “...Where’d the mark on this go?”

“Mark?” Pinkie asked.

“There was a red mark about halfway down this thing,” Ascentia muttered, “Great, now I have to start over…”

“Oopsie! I sowwy,” Pinkie pouted, “It came off when I washed it, but I had no idea what it meant! I found it on the floor. That’s not sanitary for sex toys!”

“This thing’s huge. That mark was how far I’d managed to get it in,” Ascentia explained groggily, “And I know that. I just hadn’t gotten around to tidying up…”

Seeing that it was an anal plug, Twilight’s eyes went wide, “...I don’t even…”

“The human body can accommodate anything, Twilight,” Ascentia murmured, leaning down and kissing Twilight’s head before taking Maexxna’s cage and returning to her bedroom.

“You’d be surprised, Twi-Twi!” Pinkie agreed, “I’ve had to fit pretty big cocks up my bum bum before! You get used to it!”

Twilight winced, placing her hands over her rear, “I’ll just… stick to the front door, thank you very much.”

“Aw. But you’ll still take Asy up the bum bum, won’tcha?” Pinkie winked.

“...Well, I’ll… have to get used to doing that for her. ...If we do ever sleep together,” Twilight sighed, “I can’t even believe she would still want me after all this.”

“She took a fatal bite for you,” Pinkie smiled, “She loves you.”

Twilight wiped her eyes, “...I’d have done the same for her… In a heartbeat.”

“There, see?” Pinkie smiled brightly.

Ascentia came back out, dressed in a slimming, green shirt and a very tight pair of jeans, “Yeah, I’m awake now. Sore, but I’m awake,” she said as she bent down to find a pot in one of the lower shelves, “Anybody want soup?”

Twilight shuddered and looked away, “...Yeah… I’ll help you, Kitten,” she got up and assisted her.

“Nah, you sit down. Nobody but me cooks in my kitchen… except Mom, since it’s her kitchen,” Ascentia shrugged, “But it’s still my kitchen.”

“But you’re still in recovery, I can’t let you just overdo it!” Twilight pouted, “At least let me, I don’t know, help you get things out?”

“You could put something in,” Ascentia muttered with a smirk, “I’ll be fine, Twilight. It’s the sedatives that are fucking me up.”

Twilight blushed at this, “Please?”

“Come sit back down, silly!” Pinkie giggled, bringing Twilight over to the table.

Pouting, Twilight sat back down, “Still… I’m so sorry about what happened. I… didn’t even realize my behaviour was affecting her. It was all my fault.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Ascentia said, stooping back down to dig out another pot, “Can’t find a clean pot to save my life in this house…”

“I know, but… I really should try to make some effort to get along with… her,” Twilight sighed, “Like you said. This is your house, and your spider. I can’t just… step all on your toes just because I don’t like spiders.”

“Twilight, she’s a spider. She’ll come to you,” Ascentia waved her off as she stood back up, leaning over the stove as she looked over her recipe book.

“Oh, she is so showing off,” Pinkie giggled into Twilight’s ear.

Twilight blushed, eyeing Ascentia’s rear too eagerly, “But how? She hates me. She’ll probably pounce and try to finish the job the next time she’s out of her cage…”

“Let me put it another way. Twilight, are you afraid of your mother?” Ascentia asked.

There was a sound similar to a shriek and a mumble from behind her.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Ascentia shrugged, “Well, so is Maexxy. Except her mother’s been bitten by her twice now and still isn’t dead.”

“...Twi-Twi? You okay?” Pinkie asked with concern.

Taking a few breaths, Twilight looked around nervously, hugging herself, “‘Stop hiding from Mommy… Stop hiding from Mommy...’” She whimpered a little, looking downward a bit, “Not now, Pinkie… not now.”

Ascentia glanced back, watching Twilight closely, “Hmm…”

She set the pot on to boil and turned around, watching her girlfriend looking down at the floor. She’d seen that sort of posture before. She’d seen it a lot, actually. Her father had gotten flashbacks that gave him a similar bent ever since he left the Royal Guard.

“Twilight? Is there something you want to tell me?” she asked.

“No,” Twilight uttered, shaking her head, “I’m fine… I’m fine…”

Pinkie frowned. She then leaned over, touching her shoulder, “Twi-Twi… did something happen with your mother?”

“No… Mother didn’t do anything… She didn’t do anything… No… course not… it was fine… normal… I don’t know why it felt odd if it was so normal…” Twilight mumbled.

“If what was so nor-NO!” Ascentia’s eyes went wide as she came around the table, sitting down in the chair next to Twilight and taking her hands, “Twilight, what happened?”

“Nothing!” Twilight whimpered, shaking her head, “Mommy says it’s okay… I have to stop hiding from Mommy…”

Ascentia squeezed Twilight’s hands gently as she pushed her chin up, “Twilight, look at me.”

Taking a breath, Twilight managed to look up at her, wiping her eyes.

“What did your mother say was normal?” Ascentia asked, gently stroking her cheek.

“...Kitten… remember… when we saw… that… that presentation in class?” Twilight murmured.

“Yeah. You had your face buried in my neck the whole time,” Ascentia recalled.

Twilight wiped her eyes, sighing a little, “I didn’t want to believe it, but almost everything they said in that PSA… It was what my mother had done.”

Ascentia too a deep breath, before she very slowly let it out, “...Okay. You’re gonna stay here for a bit. The soup’s going to be ready in about twenty minutes, and you can fill a bowl for yourself. Pinkie, you and I are leaving.”

“Where are we going?” Pinkie asked, tilting her head.

Ascentia stood up and grabbed her sweater, “We’re gonna kick Velvet’s ass.”

Next Chapter: Tightly-Knit Bunch Of Pals Estimated time remaining: 48 Minutes