“Hey, I heard Twilight lost it on you yesterday,” Rainbow whistled as she sat down next to Pinkie at the cafeteria table, “What happened?”

“Hi, Dashie! Well, poor Twi-Twi was feeling pretty upset with the fact I still get good grades despite everything I do. Balancing all the sex I have, working at Sugarcube Corner, organizing and throwing parties, and babysitting! She felt so insignificant compared to me! And that’s not fair, Dashie. I don’t want her feeling like that! She’s way smarter and more awesome than I am with school!”

Rainbow scoffed, “That’s no surprise. Have you really taken a good look at Twilight? That girl’s a wreck. She get’s more worked up over tests and shit than anybody else I know. Seriously, she needs a boyfriend or something to take the edge off herself.”

Pinkie pouted a little bit, but nodded in agreement. She wanted so much to do that for Twilight, but could never find it in herself to bring it up. “I agree, Dashie. I just hope she’ll find someone!”

Rainbow sighed and downed the rest of her coffee, “Also, you get to live in a bakery in your own apartment. Twilight’s gotta go home to the eight-headed witch.”

“Oh, you mean her mother?” Pinkie wrinkled her nose, then set her juicebox down, sighing, “It’s not fair! Twi-Twi deserves better than this, Dashie! She needs a loving partner and a soft place to fall! No wonder she’s on edge all the time! Poor Twi-Twi…”

Rainbow shrugged as she looked out around the cafeteria, “Well, unless you have any ideas for that, she’s pretty much SOL until college. If she can keep herself together long enough to get into one, at least.”

“All I can go on is that I see that new girl staring at her…” Pinkie pouted, “But she looks like a meanie-pants.”

Rainbow turned around at the new girl in question. A frighteningly tall woman with red hair down to her back, “Looks like someone who could give Twi a right good pounding. But good luck. She looks like you’d get more physical warmth trying to fuck a snowman.”

“I knoooow…” Pinkie pouted more, “But she’s sooooo pretty! Look at her hair! I know Twi-Twi said she likes striking hair!”

Rainbow glanced back and nodded, “Yeah, she is hot…”

The girl in question dropped her fork, and sighed in exasperation as she got out of her chair and bent down to retrieve it from under the table.

“Holy shit!” Rainbow said quietly, “And I thought you had a great ass…”

Pinkie stared as well and whistled, “Oooh! She does have a nice bum!”

“That’s it, we gotta set her up with Twilight. She’s got everything Twilight likes,” Rainbow chuckled, “She’s tall, she’s strong, she’s got bright red hair, and she’s got a killer ass. Twilight’ll be so happy.”

“I knoooow!” Pinkie giggled, “We so totally have to! Hmm… that’ll be tricky! She seems so cold and distant! But Twi-Twi is so cute and adorkable, there’s no way she’d resist! We have to get them to meet!”

“Oh yeah,” Rainbow nodded, still not taking her eyes off the new girl’s rear, “Damn, now I kinda wanna piece of her too…”

“Focus, Dashie!” Pinkie snapped her fingers in her face, “We must formulate a plan!”

“A plan for what?” Rarity asked as she joined them at the table, “What in the world are you two talking about?”

“We’re gonna set Twilight up with tall, red, and all about that bass over there,” Rainbow pointed.

Rarity turned to look, catching a glimpse of the girl in question as she bent over, then stood up, “Oooh my… She is lovely…”

Rainbow and Pinkie both turned slow grins up toward her, “Somethin’ you wanna tell us, Rare-bear?”

“No!” Rarity blushed, “Not at all!”

Pinkie rose an eyebrow, grinning wider, “Then would you want to explain that hickey on your neck? The lovely little apple-shaped love bite?”

“How do you bite in the shape of an apple?” Rainbow asked curiously.

Rarity blushed more, “That is not a hickey! It’s...it’s nothing, don’t concern yourself about it.”

Giggling, Pinkie winked at Rainbow, “Riiiiight, sure it isn’t!”

“So anyway, we think Twilight needs a girlfriend,” Rainbow explained, “So that’s who we’re settin’ her up with. She’s got everything Twilight likes.”

“Oh, my. The new girl?” Rarity said, glancing toward the girl in question again, “Mmm… do either of you know her name?”

“Yep! Ascentia Lilian Kortai! She transferred here from South Ashfield High School!” Pinke said brightly, not missing a beat.

“South Ashfield? Isn’t that the really rich neighbourhood in Baltimare?” Rainbow balked, looking back toward her.

“Mm-hmm!” Pinkie nodded, “No wonder, that neighbourhood has been up in arms ever since that one girl went missing! Good thing she left and came here!”

“Mm, then her family must come from money,” Rarity said thoughtfully, “I do have to wonder why they came here.”

Rainbow shrugged, “Who knows? It’s not like we’re gonna be friends. We just need her to bang Twilight’s brains out and get her to relax.”

“Now Rainbow Dash, don’t be such a cur,” Rarity poked her side, “There’s no reason we can’t get along with whomever Twilight associates herself with.”

“Yeah yeah, I’m just saying it’s not likely,” Rainbow remarked, “Anything’s possible but… so far the only thing I like about her is ‘dat ass.”

“Now we just gotta get them to meet…” Pinkie said thoughtfully, tapping her chin. She looked up, seeing Twilight coming to their table. Immediately, she grinned and waved her down, “Heeey, Twi-Twi!”

Twilight winced and approached, still uneasy about how she’d treated Pinkie yesterday, “Hey Pinkie… what’s up?”

“What do you think about that girl over there?” Rainbow asked, pointing toward Ascentia just as the girl bent back down to dig through her bag.

“Huh? What girl?” Twilight turned around, meeting with a girl bent over, and presenting a very attractively shaped rear. She blinked, wide-eyed. But when Ascentia stood up, her jaw dropped, “Sweet Celestia… she’s beautiful!”

“Told ya,” Rainbow smirked toward Pinkie and Rarity.

“Isn’t she?” Pinkie grinned, “Her name is Ascentia Kortai! We haven’t met her yet, but boy, she’s a lovely girl! You should talk to her, Twi-Twi!”

“Yeah, go on!” Rainbow gave her a nudge, “Give it a shot! She seems nice.”

Twilight rose an eyebrow, only to see Ascentia glaring daggers at a random student near her while they laughed toward her. She cringed a bit, “...I don’t know… She looks more like she’d give me a black eye for looking at her the wrong way.”

“Oh go on, Twi Twi!” Pinkie encouraged her, “I’m sure she’s just cautious. You’re adorable! You can break through that shell!”

“Uh… I dunno…”

Ascentia bent back down again the dig through her bag again, unintentionally giving the four of them yet another display of her rear.

“I really don’t think I should,” Twilight bit her lip.

“Of course you should, silly!” Pinkie giggled, “It’s always nice to make a new friend!”

“C’mon, you already think she’s gorgeous,” Rainbow snickered, following Twilight’s gaze to see she was fixated on Ascentia’s rear, “I’m sure she’s nice too after a while.”

Twilight blushed heavily, “No way, she’d never give me the time of day…”

Ascentia sighed in exasperation and bent down further, seemingly unable to find what she was looking for and inadvertently thrusting her hips higher into the air. Pinkie observed, eagerly, but was especially intrigued by Twilight’s reaction. Clearly, it was getting to her. The adorable blush, the fixated wide eyes, and the biting of her lip. Too cute!

“Don’t be silly, Twi-Twi,” Pinkie patted her arm, “Looks can be deceiving! Just go talk to her!”

“Yeah, go for it. Worst that can happen is she tells you to buzz off,” Rainbow chuckled, giving her a nudge.

Twilight hesitated, looking to get up, but could then see Ascentia leaving, “Darn it! She’s gone!”

“Go after her!” Pinkie encouraged, patting her shoulder, “You can do it, Twi-Twi!”

Twilight bit her lip, and then swallowed her pride and followed her. Ascentia was halfway down the hall when something buzzed in her bag and set bent down to pull it out.

‘What is it with this girl and bending over? I swear to god she knows what she’s doing!’ Twilight thought. She now stood a few feet away, unsure how to approach her. Gulping a little, she took two steps forward, trying to be as quiet as possible.

Ascentia stood back up, holding her phone, “Oh, it’s just Mom…” she stopped when she caught sight of Twilight’s reflection in the screen and wheeled around, “...Aren’t you the girl who was staring at my ass a few minutes ago?”

“Gah!” Twilight jumped back, wide-eyed, “N-No! That wasn’t me!”

“Pretty sure it was…” Ascentia narrowed her eyes, “Purple hair… small… yeah, that was you.”

Twilight blushed and shook her head, “First of all, my hair is midnight blue. The purple is a highlight. Second, I… I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have been staring, it wasn’t polite.”

Ascentia shrugged, “Eh, you wouldn’t be the first. Your friends were gawking at it like it was a cake or something.”

‘...What am I even doing?’ Twilight thought. She took a step back, “Well, anyway, sorry to have wasted your time. I’ll alone you leave to. I mean, leave you alone! Er, whatever! I have to go. Over there. Somewhere…” She blushed and turned away, ‘Wow, sound like I can’t speak English, why don’t I.’

“Hang on, what did you want?” Ascentia asked, gently pushing her shoulder and wheeling her back around.

“I… well I just… I was…” Twilight stammered.

Ascentia rolled her eyes, “Oh for god’s sake, give me your hand,” Twilight obliged, and Ascentia took it and reached it back, pressing it against her behind, “There, you feel better?”

“...Not really…” Twilight said, looking at her hand awkwardly, “Please let go of me.”

“Well you were staring at it so long,” Ascentia chuckled, letting go of her hand and leaning back against the locker, “So what did you want?”

“Nothing! I just… wanted to… to talk to you,” Twilight blushed and looked away.

“Alright, you wanna go get coffee?” Ascentia suggested, standing up straight.

Twilight blinked, “...What?”

“Coffee. It’s a hot beverage that’s high in caffeine and the glorious nectar of life,” Ascentia explained.

“I know that! I just… why?” Twilight blushed all the more, looking away now.

“You said you wanted to talk,” Ascentia shrugged, “I talk best over coffee.”

“I-I… I guess we… we could… um… sure,” Twilight twiddled her fingers, “Sparkle name is Twilight my! Um! I mean, Twilight Sparkle! That’s my name!”

“Ascentia,” Ascentia held her hand out, to which Twilight shook it. She turned around and hoisted her bag up, “Alright, there’s a cafe just up the road. Just try not to stare at my ass too much, you don’t wanna walk into a pole.”

Twilight didn’t respond, she only nodded and followed alongside her. Her entire face pink as she stared down at her shoes. From down the hallway, Pinkie peeked around the corner, observing the whole scene. She grinned widely, then turned back to their friends, giving them a thumbs-up.

“Yeah!” Rainbow fist-pumped, “Operation Get Twilight Laid is a go!”

“You set her up with the new gir?” Discord asked, looking up at Pinkie, who was laid out over his desk as he rubbed her back.

“Yepperoonie Patootie! I just had a special feeling about Asy!” Pinkie said with a giggle, stretching out and arching a little before relaxing, “I knew she was so much of what Twi-Twi looks for! Even if Twilight herself didn’t quite realize it!”

“Hmm…” Discord thought as he kneaded Pinkie’s shoulders, “Taller than most of her teachers… hair the same color as Ariel… I hadn’t realized Twilight leaned that way.”

“Yep! It helped that Asy has a very nice bum bum!” Pinkie winked, giggling.

Discord sputtered and started laughing, “Really?”

“Really really!” Pinkie grinned.

Discord snickered, “Twilight likes the tush, does she?”

“Yeppers! She does!” Pinkie giggled, cooing in response to his touches, “Mm-mmm… If it feels this good, I can’t imagine what it’d be like with lotions and oils!”

“Ugh, I hate lotions,” Discord cringed, “They’re slimy, and greasy, and stain. And they get everywhere.”

“Yeah, they do,” Pinkie admitted, giggling, “No worries! I’ll live.” She took a stray napkin from near her, proceeding to make some origami, “Hee, my buddies still think you’re taking me on the ride of my life in here!”

“Been enjoying this a little too much, are we?” Discord giggled, pressing down just above Pinkie’s pelvis.

“Of course!” Pinkie grinned widely, folding up a swan and placing it down on the table.

“Well from the sounds of it, they have something else to be distracted by,” Discord snickered, “How did you and Twilight find out that her new girlfriend has such a delightful tush anyway?”

“Asy was in the caf, some ways off from us. She bent over quite a bit!” Pinkie explained, giggling at this, “Dashie was convinced she was doing it on purpose after a while!”

“You were ogling the poor girl when she was bent over?” Discord tutted.

Pinkie blew a raspberry, laughing, “Guiltyyyyy!”

“Now why would you do something like that?” Discord scoffed.

“Why wouldn’t I do something like that?”

“Because the poor girl’s ass couldn’t have been so good that it was worth gawking at her like that,” Discord said rather authoritatively.

Pinkie giggled, “Yeah, true. It was just the nicest bum bum we all ever saw.”

Discord scoffed, “Kids…”

There was a beep on the Intercom, “Discord? The Pies are here to see you regarding their daughter’s academics.”

Discord took his hands off Pinkie and motioned for her to sit in one of the chairs in front of his desk, “Send them in.”

Pinkie nodded, getting up and stretching before she sat down in one of the chairs, “Okay! Let’s do this!”

The door swung open and two very stiff-looking people came in, sitting down in the chairs just ahead of Pinkie. Discord sat down and nodded to the two of them, “I understand you wanted to see me?”

Mrs Pie nodded curtly, “We just got Pinkie’s term report, and she’s been doing exceptionally well in all of her classes, except for gym.”

DIscord scoffed, “Well, take a look at her. Does that look like a girl who does well with running laps and push-ups?”

From behind her parents’ chairs, Pinkie shrugged and looked playfully sheepish. Her parents didn’t turn to look.

“Well I certainly can’t have my daughter failing classes,” Mr Pie said stiffly.

“Oh no matter, something can easily be done,” Discord smiled, “I only came on board recently. Next term I’m going to be suggesting that Pinkie take on of the alternatives to Phys Ed. Something more suited to how she exercises. I think Dance would suit her. It’s high energy, promotes better health than traditional gym, and I’ve seen her dance for three hours straight without getting tired once.”

Pinkie nodded eagerly from where she sat, liking this idea and even clapping silently.

“Thank you, Mr Discord-”

“Just Discord, please,” Discord smiled.

“Discord…” Mr Pie said, clearly not liking the informality, “What about how she behaves? She lives here in Ponyville instead of out on our farm. We’re never certain if she upholds the good Pie Family name.”

Discord cast a single glance toward Pinkie as if silently asking what the “Good Pie Family Name” meant.

Pinkie made a pouty face, but made gestures in a way of saying status was important to them.

“Your daughter is a fine example of our student body,” Discord said without missing a beat, “I’ve never met a student more well behaved and of solid moral virtue in my life.”

“Hmm. That’s good to know, then,” Mrs. Pie said with a light nod, “We have raised her to be of good mannered standing at all times.”

“I can certainly say that your daughter trumps even the Princess’s personal protege when it comes to her behavior,” Discord smiled.

Mr and Mrs Pie looked relatively pleased at this. Pinkie, however, looked downtrodden and pouted, then shook her head. Discord disregarded this. While Pinkie had better grades than Twilight had, he had the record to show that Pinkie was written up for her behavior far more often than Twilight.

“I must say, she’s been quite a delight,” Discord smiled, “She’s been making me feel very welcome ever since I arrived.”

Pinkie smiled all over again, clapping her hands.

“And how about her achievements?” Said Mr Pie.

“Achievements?” Discord asked, pretending to thumb through Pinkie’s file, “Could you be more specific? I don’t have all my paperwork sorted out yet.”

“Academic achievements and other sorts of awardings,” said Mrs Pie, taking a brief glance toward her daughter and then facing the front again.

The moment she did, Pinkie grinned and spread her legs, exposing her panties for Discord to see. She even reached down and lightly rubbed herself, winking. Discord chuckled softly and looked through her file.

“Her grades are exceptional, with the exception of her gym classes,” Discord explained, “She’s been awarded three years in a row for her near perfect grades in most of her classes, the exception being her Science and Literature classes.”

“What’s wrong there?”

“Nothing. Another student, Twilight Sparkle, out-performs her there,” Discord explained, “As far as extracurricular activities, Pinkie makes her own. She works with nearly every student group to organize events, but she isn’t a part of any of them. And she is one of the most beloved students by teachers and her peers alike.”

Pinkie blushed and giggled amidst her rubbing, giving a grin.

“Hmm,” said her mother, nodding slightly in acknowledgement, “So long as she isn’t making a fool of herself or the family name.”

“What do you mean, a fool?” Discord asked curiously.

“Pinkamena can be quite… superfluous and over-excited,” her mother explained, “She often has no sense of boundaries or proper communication. She means well, but she lacks much intuition at times.”

“I can certainly say that is not the case. Pinkie is one of the most intuitive students I’ve ever met,” Discord explained, “She is responsible for the high student morale at Ponyville High, as the students are more comfortable speaking to her than our own guidance counsellors.”

Pinkie winked and started doing a little provocative dance, even turning around to start twerking.

“And how does she… boost morale, as you said?” Said her mother, peering at him over her glasses.

Discord has to stifle a laugh. Pinkie could be unbelievably silly at times, “I’ve always said that a bright flame spread the fastest. Pinkie is a joy. She’s seemingly never upset or stressed about anything. This is part of why she out-performs more acheived students. So she’s overwhelmingly happy and a help to the students. That speaks volumes in and of itself. Why are you looking at me like that?”

Her mother adjusted her glasses, sighing, “She had quite unorthodox ways of… handling others at times. I will not go into details, but it is something that alarmed her father and I. We only hope she doesn’t continue doing so these days. We would not want anything bad to happen to her.”

Pinkie looked at Discord, pointing down at her crotch as an indication of what wasn’t being told, and then winked.

Discord, in the mood to make some stuffy parents uncomfortable, played dumb, “I’m sorry, you’re going to have to explain this to me. Parents are alarmed by a great number of things, Ma’am.”

“Erm… it’s nothing we should discuss,” she said, fiddling with her glasses chain.

“Are you sure? I’ve heard everything, Ma’am,” Discord smiled, “I can’t help your daughter if I don’t know what the problem is.”

Mr Pie sighed loudly, “What we say does not leave this room. Pinkamena had a habit of getting very sexual with her sisters. Especially her older sister.”

“Goodness,” Discord said, in a tone implying he’d heard this sort of story before as he thumbed through her file, “Hmm… there’s no mention of it here…”

“Naturally, we don’t broadcast that sort of thing,” Mrs. Pie said, sighing, “It is not something we’re proud of. But Pinkamena has never expressed remorse for it. Never minding that she is the middle child and that her younger sisters don’t know any better.”

“And what of her older sister?” Discord asked, pretending to make notes in Pinkie’s file.

“We do not know of such details beyond what had happened at home,” said her father.

“Alright. Well it isn’t all that surprising, sir,” Discord remarked, “It is becoming more and more common for siblings to experiment. Even Princess Celestia has admitted to doing such things with her younger sister in her teenage years.”

Pinkie silently laughed at this, recalling some funny tales Twilight had shared.

“You know about such a thing?!” Said Pinkie’s father, their jaws agape.

“Princess Celestia’s own book talks about it,” Discord said, cocking an eyebrow, “There is a rumor that they’re still at it, but of course that is all just a rumor.”

“Be that as it may… we’re just hoping Pinkamena hasn’t gotten up to such tricks at school. Her family is one thing, but you never know what may occur at school,” Mr. Pie said seriously, “Many such curs would take advantage of her. She’s too trusting.”

“I can assure you that is not the case. Pinkie is very well behaved at this school,” Discord smiled, looking at Pinkie out of the corner of his eye.

“Well… good,” Mr. Pie said with a nod.

“We’re glad to hear that,” Mrs Pie agreed, “As long as she’s doing well in school and behaving.”

“Absolutely. I’ve never had such a delightful student,” Discord smiled.

Pinkie humped the air provocatively, but was smiling brightly in appreciation to that.

“In fact, your daughter’s influence and attitude has been one of the biggest contributors to this school doing so well in the last three years,” Discord continued, “Test averages are higher than ever due to Pinkie keeping everybody’s spirits up.”

Both her parents looked amazed at this, before turning to look at their daughter. Pinkie was back in her chair, like she hadn’t moved at all, and was grinning. She waved at them.

“Astounding,” her mother said, turning back around, “I have to say it does not surprise me. Pinkie certainly had a way of lighting up the household ever since she started putting parties together.”

Discord smiled brightly and nodded, “Absolutely. It will be a shame when she eventually graduates. I can only hope she continues to be involved in the school after the fact. She would make a wonderful teacher.”

Pinkie spoke up then, “I thought about stuff like that! I figure I can volunteer for certain things here after I do graduate! I’ll see what I can do!”

“Mm, perhaps that would work,” her mother agreed. “I fancied the idea of Pinkamena one day pursuing a teacher career.”

“Most assuredly, Ponyville as a whole is better for having her,” Discord smiled.

Pinkie blushed, all the while making some lewd gestures, obvious promises of what was to come after her parents left.

“It seems we worried for nothing,” Mr. Pie said, “The Cakes have certainly done well in giving her what she’s needed.”

Discord smiled as Pinkie’s parents stood up, shaking his hand, “It was lovely meeting you, Mr and Mrs Pie,” he said as they nodded curtly and quickly took their leave, “...Well, your parents are certainly rigid as wood.”

“Yepperoonie!” Pinkie said, coming over to his, “But you should meet my older sister, Maud! She’s way more stiffy and talks in monotone!” She grinned however, “But I love her so much! She’s the best sister ever!”

“Oh really? Tell me about her,” Discord smiled.

“Well, she’s very passionate about rocks! It’s pretty funny to hear her talk about them!” Pinkie giggled, “She taught me so many things since I was a kid. How to make a special kind of rock candy, writing poems, sewing, and even different kinds of rocks! She travels around the world, going on expeditions for archeology rock stuff! It’s so cool! She sends me pictures and she’s always bringing back cool stuffies! The best part? We make rock candy necklaces for each other! Ever since we were kids!

“Also, there’s something about her you should know! Don’t worry, she doesn’t mind if I tell people this, so long as I don’t broadcast it over a megaphone!” Pinkie then lowered her voice a little bit, “She’s also an intersex. It was because of her that I got into sex in the first place!”

“Oh really?” Discord asked curiously. He was well aware about intersex people in Equestria. Ponyville High had nine students, including Pinkie’s friend Rainbow Dash. He often wondered how distraught they would be if they found out this information was in their government files, “How did that happen?”

“Well… Sit down! I’ll tell you all about it!” Pinkie brought her chair closer and grinned, “It all started a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away…” Next Chapter: Let's Do This On Your Beddy Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 34 Minutes