by Colombiaguy

Chapter 1: Chapter 1- Ejected with Predjudice

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You know, life has a seriously twisted sense of humor. Wanna know how I know that? Because when life says, "Hey your life isn't going according to specifications soooooo here's your boulder to the face and we'll be moving you to the afterlife....now" you've pissed SOMETHING off. This was the situation I was dealing with. I was just on my way to work, average day. Except, as I pulled into my usual workplace, I noted a particularly large and imposing space boulder coming at me. Now, I had all of 30 seconds to come to grips with inevitable death and surprisingly, you can get a lot of thought done in 30 seconds. I went over my life, reviewed my regrets, and appreciated all the awesome things I did in... SHIT! I never got to bungee jump! It's all the fun of jumping off a bridge...without the death...but I'm boned anyway, so the point is kind moot.

Interestingly enough, when you get crushed to death it only hurts for a few seconds, it's like if you felt all the pain in one quick blast and then poof, dead. Oh and that whole "light at the end of the tunnel" thing is TOTAL BULLSHIT! There is no light, it's more like a just pop into this reception area where Death/Grim Reaper in a stereotypical black robe is going through your life which is, in fact, an open book to him. So here I am...in Death's waiting room, while he reads my life. I'm fairly certain this constitutes a new level of awkward.

After some time he let out a sigh. "Whelp, this is embarrassing," the reaper said as he closed the book of my life.

I chuckle nervously, "Which part? The part where you just went through my life in under thirty minutes or the fact you know how much porn I've seen?" Should I have admitted that? What if he is judging me? Oh, crap. I hope I didn't just secure a ticket to Hell.

Now, I'm not sure if a skeleton can raise an eyebrow but Death can. After destroying my perception of how anatomy works, he elaborated, "The latter is nothing new. Everyone looks at porn...seriously everyone! But that's not the embarrassing part."

Somehow, I should have seen that coming but now was the time for me to use my eyebrows because they are actually there and adhere to the rules of anatomy like true law abiding citizens of my face. "Oooookay? So what makes Death embarrassed?" Wow, that's a weird thought.

Death looked at me... I think? Hard to tell if someone is looking at you when they don't have eyes, but when a skull is turned in your direction you can make that assumption. Anyway, Death looked at me and told me, "You were living the wrong life."

I... what? I don't... Dante.exe has stopped working due to an existential statement, rebooting... ... ... ... ... Reboot successful.

Re-assessing life...

"Uh, so...would you mind elaborating on that, Mr. Death... , Sir... Please?" I did my best to be courteous, but how do you respond to something like that?! Oh, sorry you were meant to be in line 4-A, not 4-B, so you've lived the wrong life and everything you did was pointless. Sorry! Oh, no big deal! Just wasted twenty-three years doing what I thought were helpful and learning things that are now useless.

Death shook his head, "Sorry, Dante Morelo. But you're already behind and we need to fast track you to where you need to be." The minute he finished, his boney hand rose and pointed at me. Then with a snap of his skeletal fingers, the room disappeared and gravity took over sending me plummeting into the void.

Whoa! WHOA WHOA!.....WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Wait, no! Bad, this is bad! I might die from... oh yeah... meh. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

So after falling for about a minute, I'm fairly positive I hit warp ten because the blackness gave way to what looked like shooting stars racing past me. Soon the stars gave way to a planet. Wait, Earth? No, can't be Earth the continents are in the wrong places... whoa, did death send me into the past!? Might explain the continent placements. Well, going to find out soon that planet, Earth or not was getting closer. Okay suddenly, I have an appreciation for exactly how fast I'm moving because, when I hit the atmosphere I saw the vapor circles from my sonic entry. Jesus, I am booking!

Now, a new sensation! Although I have a passion for going fast and doing particularly dangerous stunts for the adrenaline...this is too fast , I can't slow down; worse I have no control! Seriously, I tried flailing, attempting to deviate my course, and yelling every expletive I could think of. Okay, that last one was mostly to deal with my annoyance of the situation, but I was moving at Mach three and couldn't control anything. At least I could voice my frustration.

Oh hey, yet another sensation, fear. Why? Because there's a mountain coming up fast and again can't control shit. Hang on, is that a castle on the side of the mountain? Who builds a castle on the side of a mount....wait, I've seen this castle before. But from where? Before I can attempt to determine this castles familiarity, I pass straight through a glass window of the castle, hit something else, then I collided with a wall with some extreme force. Oh, hello, Pain my old friend! How's the wife, Suffering? Oh, she's in my everything? Fantastic. How about your son, Agony? Taking up residence on my left side for a few weeks? Glorious.Considering I hit a wall going mach three, I was surprised that I didn't black out. Upside? I was in pain. Pain means I'm not dead anymore. Woo!... ow.

"Princess! Are you okay!?" I heard someone yell.

Oh crap, did my entry hurt someone? Oh man, they said, "Princes" oh man, don't tell me I hit royalty. Well, I can feel guilt and it was back with a vengeance. I was moving really fast, maybe I just winged someone. Please let it be I winged someone. Going that fast, full contact meant they were... ok, guilt compels me to get up off the cold ground and try to apologize, assuming that's an option. It felt like I was on my right side, so I placed my arm underneath me and rolling onto all fours. Weird I must be numb, I can't feel my hands, but I can feel my legs and arms. Ok, don't freak out. There's someone possibly hurt or dead. Help now, freak out later.

"Princess Celestia, stop! You were tossed into a wall! You might have internal damage!" the same voice said.

Celestia? Wait, the castle from before...oooooh shit. I need confirmation right now! I willed my eyes open and after the initial blurriness faded, I see two forms before me...equine forms. Ok, getting harder not to panic. I check myself, from my perspective I can see two legs in front of me with pure alabaster white fur and two hooves. Well, explains not feeling my hands. Out of my peripheral, I can see something flowing off the side of my head. It looked like a flowing green, pink, and blue hair. Oh, panic intensifying, maintain cool, Dante, maintain cool. I needed one final check to confirm my suspicions. I turn my gaze above my nose/muzzle until I'm nearly cross-eyed and spotted a long spiraling horn protruding from my skull...well, my host's skull. A little exploration of the nervous system and I can feel two more legs behind me along with a tail...OOOOH TAIL! Up yours, evolution! Then I feel...two more arms? No, wait this is different. I glance to my left so the hair hides where I'm looking and spot a wing responding to my commands and a little further past that I can see a bright yellow and orange sun on the white canvas of my host's flanks. OoOoOk, hehe he...he...fuck. I'm in control of Princess Celestia of Equestria. Hmm, what time is it? Panic-o-clock? Sounds about right.

Oh, wondering how I happen to know the name of the individual I seem to be occupying at the moment? Well, if you happen to not be net savvy or don't watch Fox News. There are a group of individuals (a very large group) who watch a certain show. This show is called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Now if your next thought is, "Wow that sounds like a show for little girls." Congratulations! You found the TARGETED demographic, however; the vast majority who ACTUALLY watch this show are (drum roll) MEN. These men are bronies (Bro+pony= brony) Clever, right? Again, let's assume I'm psych and the next thing you're thinking is, "Why would men watch a show for little girls?" Answer: It was written so adults could enjoy it with their kids. Simple and sweet. There are adult jokes that only adults can get, the characters have some depth and aren't some nimrod put on screen to keep a three-year-old occupied, if not preemptively rot their minds. And to top it off, it's funny and had it taught things kids should learn! So if you're new "Hi, welcome, have some cookies and milk. Enjoy the fun!" If you are a brony yourself... yo.

But back to my crisis, where my panic is now at a level, I've only heard of trauma victims suffering. This is not my body, worse this was royalty and the RULER OF A FREAKING NATION! So yeah, lots things that could go badly. Need to calm down, breath, and focus. Breath and focus...focus.......shit. I'm too jazzed , I can't calm down! I look to the two equine forms both stallions, the one on the left looked like an aged butler. He had a monocle on his right eye (classy) and had his pure white mane slicked back and was wearing a very fancy suit with complimentary blues that went with his yellow fur color. His flanks had a picture of a serving platter with a cup of tea and cookies on the platter. The other reminded me of a businessman, he had a jet black mane and dark gray fur. He was wearing a business suit with a handkerchief in the coat pocket (meh not as good as a monocle) and the mark on his rear was a stack of coins. Both had looks of concern on their faces. What do I do?! I need to time to think...wait. Ok, time to see how good my acting is. I turned to face the two stallions, "I...uh... I'm ok. Just a ...just a bit frazzled." I realize I shouldn't be surprised my voice didn't sound out, but it's super weird to hear my normally low voice replaced with a feminine one. I continued in Celestia's voice, " I'd like to ask that you please excuse me, gentleme-colts. I need to recover and determine what has assaulted me." I attempted to maintain the best poker face I could muster.

The two looked at each other. The business pony looked back to me/Celestia still wearing a concerned look, "But of course, Princess. We can discuss my proposal when you have recovered." With that, he bowed to me and left. The butler pony didn't leave but approached instead. I assumed he must be one of the servants of the castle. "Your highness, do you want me to escort you back to your chambers?", the butler asked. Perfect! Considering I haven't a clue about the layout of this castle it'd look weird to see the ruler wandering aimless and confused around her own castle. Well, lady luck has dealt me a good hand better cash in while I can. "Yes, yes. Thank you." He bows to me as well and starts to lead me out of the throne room. We are about to leave and I take note of where I was. I saw where I had apparently "thrown" Celestia into the wall. The wall had an impact crater. Jesus, no wonder they looked worried. Then a thought hit me.

"Oh, can you do me one more favor?"

The butler stopped and turn to me/Celestia again. "Of course, Princess. What can I do for you?"

So far, so good. "Could you have Luna meet me in my chambers? I know she is still sleeping but...I'd like her input on this." The butler actually looked...shocked? Oh please tell me I didn't just blow it.

"P-p-p-princess Luna? A-a-are you certain, your highness?" I might be mistaken but...he sounded scared. Come on, recover. Think, Dante, think! Ok, time to take a gamble.

"Yes, please. I believe her input will be able to help greatly." Please let Luna be here! PLEASE!

The butler looked scared still but he nodded, "I'll take you to your quarters and I'll...fetch Princess Luna."

And jackpot! Best cash out before I push it too far. I stayed silent as we walked to Celestia's chambers. It was a bit tricky at first trying to walk on all fours, but I was able to wave it off as the effects of being flung into a wall. Thank goodness for small favors. When we arrived, I couldn't imagine how I could have missed this room. The doors were enormous wood doors. The borders had some kind of script along the edges and there was a large sun in the center of the two doors. If anything screamed "Here is where Princess Sunbutt sleeps" this was it. There were two guards outside the room each holding a spear, they had on golden armor with a sun crest on the breastplate, the hoof guards were the same golden, but the helms reminded me of old Roman legionnaire armor with a sort of mohawk plum that ran from the snout to the back of the head. Their expressions were the best military poker faces I've ever seen. At least, until they saw Celestia/me. In the span of about two seconds, they went from surprised, concerned, then back to stoic. After that expression shift , they both saluted and help their spears tighter to their bodies.

Ok, stay in character. You're almost in the clear! "At easy, my little ponies. I just need to rest from an... unexpected event." Ugh, I called them "My little ponies" Suddenly, I feel like I just kicked my masculinity right in the no-no zone. I mean yeah, I watch a show for little girls, so you'd think my masculinity was already in bad shape, but a little dubstep, rock, and working out a bit. I feel as good as can be...hey, just because I'm not in front of you doesn't mean I can't feel you silently judging me. Stop it!

The guards flipped back to concerned again. They shot each other a look then both looked at me.
I wasn't sure what my expression was. Honestly, I was beginning to feel the impact from earlier. With the excitement and the fact that I DIED earlier today I must have been running on adrenaline or Celestia was. At this point, it was hard to tell, but I was definitely feeling some pain in the left wing. I waved them off with a hoof and entered Celestia's chambers.

Despite wanting to come here to try and think, rest was starting to seem like a good idea. It'd have to wait until I got my mind straight, and hopefully convince Luna to help me. That or she'd flip out and accuse me of trying to usurp Celestia's through possession.... THE HELL, BRAIN?! I'm trying to stay positive! Ok , that might actually happen but I need to try and stay positive. Can't break down now. After shaking my mind of any more pessimistic ideas, I took in Celestia's room. It was very large, I spotted a fireplace along the right side of the wall and a circular bed in the center that was calling to me. It almost looked like an over-sized pillow but I could tell by looking...it would be damn comfy. There was also a doorway that led to a balcony that overlooked the land outside. I took a quick peek outside, the sun looked like it was still arching towards the horizon. So must be around evening. Damn, I was hoping maybe it was noon so I wouldn't have to lower the sun the rest of the way. Oh yeah, Celestia can do that. She can raise the sun and lower it. Giant flaming ball in the sky and Celestia can push it around like a magnet on a refrigerator... except I was now Celestia and I don't know jack about using magic. I mean I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to try. It's magic! REAL MAGIC! Or some really, really advanced telekinesis that hadn't been explained yet. Either way, would love to do magic but not at the risk of possibly dropping the sun onto a planet.

I re-entered the room and spotted a vanity desk with a large oval mirror. Might be time to take stock. I approached the desk and Celestia's image reflected in the mirror. Ok, this is surreal. I'm looking in a mirror but I don't see a twenty-three-year-old male, but a thousand-year-old ruler of a nation with near god like power...and I was in the driver seat. I shuddered. This wasn't my body, I was an invader. Worse, I was beginning to wonder if I might have shoved Celestia out. Oh God please tell me that's not how this works! Of all the things I did not want on my life resume was killing royalty. I let out a sigh, best to deal with that bridge when we cross it. I looked back at the mirror, Celestia's face matched my current state, sad and sullen. Somehow it made me feel worse. I saw the wings on my backdrop. With a bit of concentration, I brought them back to an appropriately folded position. Now my ears perked. I was interested in messing with these just a little bit. How often do you get a set of wings? Some more concentrating and I managed to spread the left wing outward . Before it reached full spread I felt a twinge of pain. Gah, still sore I guessed.

"Ah, ow."

What? Did I say that?

"Who's there?"

“Could it be? Princess Celestia? Please tell me that's you," I called out hopefully

Ye-yes. Where are you? Wait, why can't I move? What's going on here!? Celestia exclaimed in clear shock and surprise.

Oh, look, someone put all the shit in a catapult, and they were kind enough to point it at the world's largest industrial fan...Whelp, best I pull the cord before someone else does.

Author's Notes:

Hey hey, welcome to chapter 1. Hope ya'll like it. Criticism always welcomed. See ya in chapter 2!:rainbowdetermined2:

Next Chapter: Chapter 2- Meeting the Sister Estimated time remaining: 9 Hours, 8 Minutes
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