After that Stu-fest called 'Rise of Spike the Dragon,' I thought I'd look for a story that showed our scaly protagonist in a better light. This story does that (a q-tip could do that), but unfortunately, it's also a bit of a mess.

How bad is it really? Not even Applejack can keep a straight face trying to answer that.

       The Truth   145 • 15

Sad • Slice of Life • Everyone • Complete

Spike will finally get to know "the truth" about his origin.

This fic was a collab between myself and TheOriginalThundersky. I want to thank him/her for help me out and working with me on the idea of this story, and helping me to finish it.

I also want to give a huge thanks to spideremblembrony for his fantastic work of proofreading, editing, and helping me smoothen out the whole story.  

Give them both much love because I feel the deserve it for helping me with this story.

This story was worked on for a number of weeks on and off between days. But I'm happy with the results and hope you guys would enjoy the read as well.

This story has been featured!

The cover art used in the story was made by AssasinMonkey Enjoy everyone.

The actual story description is only one line, while everything else is credits and metadata. Credits are important, but you have to be careful about the metadata you include or you could end up shooting yourself in the foot. Fortunately, there aren't any red flags here like, 'this is something I wrote while drunk.'

Spike will finally get to know "the truth" about his origin.

As for the actual description, it's simple but effective. Putting quotes around "the truth" implies that it's not what it seems to be it is. That added bit of mystery adds to the hook and helps draw people in. The cover art, though, spoils the story, especially if you click on it to see the full-sized version.

The story begins with Spike doing his chores. It's nice to have a reminder of how helpful he is, and it's a better way to start a story than with a generic weather report. Twilight's, um...

“Twilight? You in there?” Still no answer, so he opened the door. He found Twilight reading a book surrounded in an anti-sound bubble. She always read like this.

No, Twilight never reads like that. She's perfectly capable of zoning out and getting lost in her books without using magic. In fact, actively maintaining a shield would be more distracting than not doing so. Thankfully, Spike's there to keep her on track and she runs off to a picnic held in celebration of the day Mare became mayor.

Spike sighed and picked up the book that Twilight had dropped. It was entitled The Big Book Of Heritage In Equestria. His mind started to peak with curiosity as he looked upon the book. Normally, he didn’t like to read and if he did it was only about subjects that interested him. But there was something about this book. Something that compelled him to read it, as if it was begging him to open the cover and take a glance inside.

He walked out of the room towards the stairs when he gave the title another thought. He could almost hear it asking him to give it a chance. Like a child begging for his father’s attention. Spike, heaving a heavy sigh, finally gave it to the books silent temptations. He sat down on the first stair and started flipping through the book’s pages.

And here we have our plot hook. Notice how the story tells us that this book falls outside of Spike's (irritatingly unspecified) interests yet forces him to read it anyway? That's bad. It's a sign of poor planning. If the story doesn't understand Spike's motives, then how are we, as readers, supposed to follow along? I've gone ahead and revised the previously quoted section to make it feel more natural.

Spike sighed and picked up the crusty tome that Twilight had dropped. It was entitled The Big Book Of Heritage In Equestria. His mind peaked with curiosity. What had Twilight gotten herself so engrossed in this time? What was 'heritage,' anyway? Eh, Twilight wasn't going to be back for a while, and Spike had already finished his other chores, so he sat down and started flipping through the book’s pages.

Notice how I avoided the problem of the book falling outside his normal interests by not even mentioning that? If certain details cause problems, it's better not to add them than it is to awkwardly force things into place.

He reads the book twice and finds no information on dragons. That should be expected, because ponies don't know anything about dragons. The show has told us (and Spike) this multiple times. Still, I have to give him points for trying. The book serves its purpose as a framing device for the larger conflict quite well.

“Why can’t I find anything about my family?” Spike muttered to himself. “Everytime I try, it always leads to a dead end.” He made himself a mental note to ask Twilight about his origins when she got back from her excruciatingly long picnic.

And this is where the story starts dragging its feet. Having established the conflict, it would make sense to bring Twilight back in order to keep the plot moving. No such luck, though, because she doesn't return until after Spike conks out and falls asleep on the floor. Yep. We're expected to believe that Twilight's picnic lasted the rest of the day. Gotta watch out for those politicians, I guess. Mayor Mare probably filibustered the salad course.

So why did the story go through the trouble of putting Spike to sleep?

The slumber he had so suddenly been trapped in was discomforting at best. His mind swirled with questions. Where did I come from? Who are my parents? Why did they abandon me? Did they not love me? Did they lose me? Was I stolen from them? Would Celestia do that? Could Celestia do that?

For some angst that easily could have been done while he was awake. If you're going to go through the trouble of putting the character to sleep, story, at least give us a dream sequence. Those can be loaded with symbolism and it'd be a great way to show off your creative side.

Once Spike wakes up, I'm sure he can ask Twilight about—

                                                                            Dear Spike,

I’ve gone to do some early grocery shopping, so you could have some time off until I come back. Don’t make too much of a mess and don’t eat all the Ice Cream.

                                                                                -Twilight

Why is this necessary? Why do we have to drag this out even more? The plot can't progress until Twilight gets her star-spangled-spankee back here, so we're forced to wait again for no real reason! What does this story give us while we wait? A scene where Spike digs around their empty refrigerator and bemoans about how hungry he is. Sure, he's still thinking about his origin too, but his hunger's more important because that's the conflict he's actively trying to resolve.

I don't know why Spike didn't just run to the freezer, because the way that note is written, it sounds like Twilight gave Spike permission to eat ice cream for breakfast. Wait a minute. Why is 'Ice Cream' capitalized? Is that the name of a pony? Did Twilight just give Spike permission to eat (part of) their neighbor for breakfast? They might be running low on food, but damn, that's cold.

Twilight shows up (finally) carrying five bags of groceries with her. So what does this hungry hungry dragon do?

"Hey Twilight," Spike took steps back. The moment was at hand. The moment he would finally receive his answers. Spike, unsure of how to begin, simply blurted out whatever came to mind. "Uh... I have a question about my origins. Where did I come from?"

So yeah, this story wants us to believe that he's so torn up about the mystery of his origin that he forgets to eat. It doesn't work, because it spent the past few paragraphs describing how hungry he was. If he really was that torn up about his origin, he'd have been thinking about that instead of food.

Twilight gave Spike a gentle smile. "Oh Spike, I thought we've been through this already. I don't know where you came from. All I remember is having to open your egg as a baby as a part of my test to get into Celestia's school of gifted unicorns,"

And Twilight reiterates what she's already told him in the past. Thus, the story flounders around while it tries to decide where it wants to go next. While shambling towards Rarity's place, Spike decides that Celestia has the answers he wants so he returns to Twilight and she agrees to take him to see the princess. After he puts the groceries away, of course. Why she couldn't have done that on her own while he was out wandering in the streets, I don't know.

It'd make sense for Spike to send a letter since that would be faster than traveling to Canterlot, but no, they have to go there in person. At least alicorns come equipped with seatbelts.

“Alright Spike, you ready?”

“You bet,” Spike happily climbed onto her loin. He pulled his seatbelt over him, and they were off.

Er... the word 'loin' usually has sexual connotations. Just saying he climbed on her back would be fine.

They flew away from Ponyville to Canterlot, and it was midday. While heading to Canterlot Castle, Twilight decided to show off her skills to the city. Ponies looked and were very happy to watch Twilight soar skillfully through the sky, but Spike wasn’t having such a great time spiraling about the air. The carriage swerved back and forth. Spike could feel his stomach bubbling as if the contents of his breakfast that had yet threatening to pour out of his mouth. He gagged as the chariot descended, for its final landing. Twilight didn’t seem to notice, as she waved down to the ponies below. Something Spike felt a little grateful for.

The trip to Canterlot could have been handled with a simple scene break followed by them knocking on Celestia's door, but no, instead we get a poorly-done transition sequence that breaks all kinds of consistency. First of all, prolonged exposure to the thin atmosphere at high altitude must have caused Twilight Sparkle to mega evolve into Braggart Rainbow Dash. Twilight has never been an attention whore. This is way out of character. Yes, she shows off on occasion, but only after much prodding. Secondly, Spike's riding bare-back, so where did that carriage come from? Is Twilight showing off her transformation magic too? Lastly, how can Spike lose a breakfast that he never ate? That sentence was worded all kinds of awkwardly, and I'm not even sure what it was trying to say.

We get a short but boring scene where they stop to ask a guard where Celestia is because they couldn't have bothered to send an RSVP first.

As they climbed the tower, Spike began to feel a void in the pit of his stomach. At first he thought it was hunger. He hadn’t eaten all day. He was in such a rush for the answers that Celestia had that he wasn’t able to grab a quick bite, even as Twilight insisted.

The story suddenly remembers that Spike hadn't eaten again. It's also worded pretty awkwardly. Why say, 'at first he thought it was hunger,' and then go on to identify it as hunger?

Upon reaching their destination, Spike randomly gets cold feet and stops Twilight from knocking on Celestia's door because actual progression is for other stories. I wish I was joking, but just prior to that, Twilight randomly stood idle in front of the door for so long that Spike berated her for not knocking.

Why did I stop her? I should be in that room, asking Princess Celestia about my family. Then why aren’t I?

Why are you asking me these questions, story? You're the one who's supposed to have the answers! Aaargh! We're over halfway through and the actual plot line hasn't really progressed since about six hundred words in! That's over two thousand words of almost completely worthless filler!

Once they (fucking finally) reach Celestia, Spike asks his question and she wilts but doesn't answer.

“Spike,” [Twilight's] voice began, trying to soften the blow with a calming motherly voice that almost mirrored Celestia’s. “I know you wanted this, more than anything. But I’m afraid we’ll never know where you might’ve came from, Spike.”

Spike heart began to break as tears formed in his eyes. They threatened to flow down his face, like a river rushing vigorously across the land. But these tears contained no life, only the crushed remnants of dream. A dream that he would learn who his family is and where he belonged.

Celestia had plenty of time to say something instead of just sitting there all mopey while Twilight's attempt to comfort Spike caused him to burst into tears. Plus, Spike's forgotten that ponies are his family, and that he belongs with them. This story brings that bit about 'belonging' up again later, so I'll save the full rant for the end.

“Wrong,” Celestia said, surprising both Twilight and Spike.

Yeesh. I know people call her 'Trollestia' for a reason, but that was excessive. Sure, she's saddened by remembering the circumstances in which she acquired Spike's egg, but she should have asked for a minute to collect her thoughts instead of letting them jump to conclusions—or at least cut in before Twilight could finish her sentence.

I'm also bothered by the implication that neither Twilight nor Spike had ever once thought to ask Celestia about Spike's origins prior to this. How long had Twilight been going to Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns? It's not specified in the show, but I'd guess about eight to ten years. That's a lot of time to never ask such a basic question.

“I know exactly where he came from, but do you think you are ready for the truth to be revealed?”

Spike looked at the ground. Was the truth so difficult to face? His body shivered as he thought of what horrible truths his imagination could conjure. He fought against the tears that still lingered his eyes, praying for them not to fall. He thought of running out of the room. Running until he could get as far away from the truth as possible. Was the truth really that horrible? Spike contemplated with himself. Back and forth, two sides battle one another. One side begging him to search for his answers now that he was given the chance. The other sought to keep him from the harmful truth that make scar him for years to come.

Now I know Celestia's trolling. That's a repetition of the doorknob angst!

Spike agrees, but Twilight can't come because of some bullshit reason:

“Twilight, however, cannot come For this is something only you should know first and by yourself. If then you choose to reveal it to Twilight then that would be your choosing.”

Sure, go ahead and exclude the pony who lives with him and will have to deal with the fallout. I'm sure that keeping her in the dark will make it easier for her to comfort him! It's not like Twilight doesn't want to know the answer too! If she wants to find out now, she's put in the very awkward spot of having to beg Spike for this info, when for all she knows it could be a very troubling experience for him!

Celestia and Spike head off to the Everfree forest, and there's a mountain there. Yes, the Everfree is a weird place, but an entire mountain in the forest? Really?

Princess Celestia flew with Spike to the side of a mountain where a rock avalanche was covering much of the skeletal frame of an elder dragon.

She flew down in front the colossal head. Spike quickly hopped down and took two steps forward. He then looked at the spikes along the spine of the corpse.  

<snip>

Spike turned away and slowly walked over to the broken egg shells that were filled with dirt. He passed his claws along their shattered edges. Tears dropping from his eyes onto his forever lost siblings.

Here's the big reveal, folks: a description of the story's cover art! Also, way to not warn him at all before dropping him in the middle of it, Trollestia.

Celestia was apparently there when this rockslide on the mountain in the forest took place. The excuse she gives for being unable to help is pretty bad.

“My magic was weak from raising the sun and I couldn’t stop all the rocks from covering your mother,” she turned to meet his teary eyes.

If only the dialog punctuation was the worst part of that sentence (it turned an action tag into a comma splice). Raising the sun has never been a difficult task for Celestia. It's her special talent! We've seen her do it several times, and it's never once stressed her. As far as we know, casting a spell has no impact on subsequent magic use unless it exhausts the caster. The magic itself isn't weakened. That doesn't mean Celestia should have been able to help here, though.

In general, Celestia's been pretty useless in an actual crisis. She sat there and watched Rarity fall in the young flyer's competition. She lost in a fight with Chrysalis. She was abducted by slowly growing vines so quickly that she never even managed to raise an alarm. This story doesn't have to make an excuse for her. Simply saying that she showed up too late to help would have been better than giving her a bad reason for not being able to help.

I couldn’t stop all the rocks from covering your mother

Leave it to Trollestia to make getting crushed to death in a rockslide sound as mundane as putting on a jacket.

“Before she closed her eyes, she told me to save her last egg, saying that it would only be opened by the pony most important to Equestria.” Celestia trotted closer to Spike and put her wing around him, holding him close. “You were in that egg, and Twilight-”

Wow, that dying dragon just dissed Celestia pretty hard. Yep, this sound-bubbling, loop-de-looping, carriage-transforming, spastic alicorn princess who wanted to feed Spike Ice Cream for breakfast is clearly more important to Equestria than its immortal ruler! Then again, I'd be pretty upset too if I were dying and Celestia claimed she couldn't help because she was too exhausted by something that came to her as naturally as breathing.

This story is supposed to be sad, but I've lost any sense of immersion, and I simply don't care anymore. Death's always a hard sell for me in literature. Why? Because it's a very detached medium, and because of crap like this:

Celestia looked at the giant skull of Spike’s Mother and slowly trotted towards it. When she had reached the skull, she placed a hoof onto the aged frame. Her horn glowed a bright yellow and in moments the entire skull was glowing with the same color.

Spike walked up to the giant skull that glowed brightly. He stopped when Celestia had turned to him.

“Come and talk with her, Spike,” she back away and trotted off towards the edge of the cliff. “When you’re done, we must head back. I must lower the sun soon.”

Way to defile the dead there, Sun Princess. Honestly, why should I care that Spike's mother is dead when all it takes to talk with her is just a horn-call on her skull-phone? If this story actually wanted to be respectful, it could have delivered his mother's message via a flashback sequence where Celestia showed Spike the past. Opting for direct communication via necromancy is a pretty lame cop-out.

Yes son, it is your mother. I’m so sorry this tragedy has befallen me and your siblings.

“I really thought you would be here in flesh and blood. I wanted to see you again, but it’s not what I’m watching at in front me right now,” Spike clenched his claw as the tears continued flowing down his face. He hugged the giant skull, kneeling before it.

I will always be with you. Just because you could not meet me alive in the flesh does not mean I am gone forever. I am always here. Every time you open your eyes, I am always there. I may have died… But my love for you will never end… It will go on forever.

This part is so cheesy that I'm laughing at it. With lines like, 'but it’s not what I’m watching at in front me right now,' you can easily see how broken up Spike is by his inability to form coherent English. Why is he only clenching one claw? How does he hug and kneel simultaneously?

Eh, riffing aside, Spike's personality is generally handled well. The biggest problem with his characterization is how the story likes to flip-flop his emotions. See how he's crying here? Look how suddenly he becomes happy:

“Yes Mom, but…” Spike sniffled. “There’s so many things I wanted to show you, friends I wanted you to meet, and-”

My son… I have already seen them.. Because I have seen the wonderful dragon you have grown into.

“Really?” Spike wiped a tear from his eye and gave a smile. He couldn’t understand why he was smiling or what his mother’s words meant. But somehow, they shaped happiness into his heart. He searched his mind for an answer, but none came. Regardless, he was happy.

No, there aren't any gaps. That really does directly follow from the previous quote. This change is so jarring that the story tries to lampshade it with the 'didn't understand' excuse, but remember, if the story doesn't know why the characters are acting the way they are, then the readers aren't going to either!

Also, I guess rotting skulls have pretty poor eyesight, because Spike hasn't grown up yet. He's still a small child. Speaking of growing up, according to Celestia's timeline, Spike's egg was over a hundred years old by the time Twilight opened it. It should have been swamp gas by then, but it wasn't, because dragons, I guess.

As long as you don’t forget that I love you, I will always be there for you to show me whatever you would like to show me. Never forget that, Spike…Love can transcend death.

Um, no. It's necromancy that transcends death. Love didn't do anything. If it was love, he'd have met her long before now in his dreams or something.

As the glow had disappeared from the head of the giant corpse, Spike felt his mother’s spirit inside his little heart. He felt happy and understood that she would always be alive within him.

Ah yes, the warm glow of a mother's love. It's better than breakfast!

Why did I bring that back up? Because the story wasted a lot of time and effort establishing the fact that he never ate breakfast. If it's not going to do anything with that unresolved subplot before the curtain closes, then at least I'm going to get a lame joke out of it.

“Yup, I’m ready,” Spike replied being floated up onto Celestia’s loin with her magic.

Oh, so he's riding Celestia's loin now too.

Even platonically, it'd make more sense to ride up front near her withers than on her rear, where she'd be smacking him with her wings as she flew.

She sprouted her wings and they flew away across the evening sky to Canterlot. Spike looked at out to the horizon, keeping his glance on Canterlot Castle, where he knew where he belonged. Where his mother awaited him.

And that's a wrap. In the end, Spike learns that a part of his mother is always going to be with him wherever he is and wherever he goes. That's obvious, because that's how genetics works.

That part about knowing where he belonged? That bothers me, because he already knew that. Just to remind everyone, this is the lesson he learned at the end of Dragon Quest:

Dear Princess Celestia,

Seeing the great dragon migration made me wonder what it meant to be a dragon. But now I realize that who I am is not the same as what I am. I may have been born a dragon, but Equestria and my pony friends have taught me how to be kind, loyal, and true! I'm proud to call Ponyville my home, and to have my pony friends as my family.

Yours truly,

Spike

His family might consist of both ponies (adoptive) and dragons (birth), but that episode made it perfectly clear who he prefers.

In this story, his desire to learn about his origin somehow turns into an overwhelming need to feel his mother's love, and his life isn't complete without it. His mother, I'd like to add, is basically a complete stranger. The ponies who love him, cherish him, and are raising him as one of their own? Conveniently forgotten. He must not care about his father, either, because never once in the entire story was his father ever mentioned.

The only reason I'm not more upset is because it's easy to misinterpret the story's closing statement.

Spike looked at out to the horizon, keeping his glance on Canterlot Castle, where he knew where he belonged. Where his mother awaited him.

If you ignore the part of the story leading up to this, it sounds like Spike believes that Twilight is his mother. Still...

I am not impressed.

This story has structural flaws, weird characterization, and it failed to deliver any feels, but I can't really say it was all that offensive. I was seriously tempted to give a 'meh' rating, but this story has too many flaws to get off that easily. After ranting so much, I suppose it's only fair that I say what I liked most, and that's the fact that it gave Spike real closure as to the nature of his origin. Dragon Quest was only a tease.

How was the grammar? Well, when the story's own proofreader complains about the numerous errors, that's probably a sign that it needs more work.

Faith Failure Award

This story has been featured!

Seriously?

Shoddy Script Award

For a short one-shot, this story had way too much filler. The characterization as is, felt odd. Twilight's dialog was generally fine (aside from an odd insistence that Spike take 'time off'), but whenever she did something, I had to wonder just whose clone it was that replaced her. Celestia was okay, but she had a tendency to play with Spike's emotions when that was really unnecessary. Spike himself was fine, but the story liked to tug on his heartstrings instead of allowing him to react naturally.

Honest Attempt Medal

This story wasn't so bad that it can't be fixed.

I know I've complained a lot about filler, but there have to be some obstacles or the pacing would be too fast. Try to make sure each scene either progresses the plot or adds something meaningful to the story like character development. It's okay to dwell more on emotional scenes. Doing so would help smooth out the roller coaster and avoid emotional whiplash.

Also, when concluding a story, it's best if one can draw upon elements that have been building from the start. Replace that breakfast garbage with a proper dream sequence, and at the end, Spike's mother could reference parts of that dream to prove that she's always watched over and loved him. That would make Spike's shift towards happiness much more natural, and provide a more satisfying conclusion than just randomly pulling stuff out of the blue so he could have a happy ending.

Medal of Tolerance

It might be narm, but humor's still humor.

No Escapism

As it stands, the cover art does a better job of making me feel sorry for Spike than the story itself does.

Pity Pothole Medal

Gee, let's show Spike an open grave that contains the last earthly remnants of his closest kin.

Good Sport Ribbon

The author submitted this story for review.

One last thing before I go...

Because I'm "nice," I thought I'd write up a short epilogue that ruins everything puts the quotes back in "the truth:"

Later that night, Celestia peered into wide, violet eyes. She placed her gold-clad hoof under Twilight's slack-jawed chin and slowly forced it shut. "Yes, you heard me right, and that's why I didn't want you there with us, because you would have said something."

Twilight blinked. She choked back her shock and outrage and gently pushed that golden hoof away. "But... why?"

"He's happier this way. Thanks to my ventriloquism spell, he believes that his mother loves him." Celestia sighed and hung her head. The weight of her lies rested heavily upon her. "Honesty is important, but sometimes, the real truth should rest with the dead."

Aren't conspiracies fun?