Love 'em or hate 'em, the Cutie Mark Crusaders round off the mane six to compliment the show's more adult themes with little kid stuff. They're fun-loving, rambunctious fillies designed around eating their way into the hearts of that all-important little girl demographic (and subsequently parents' wallets). While in canon they're more or less stuck at the same age forever, in fanfiction it can fun to explore what the future holds for them and the struggles they'll face along the way. Today's story, Growth of the CMC: For Better or Worse, attempts to tackle some of those growing pains.

Writing descriptions for a story can be tricky, as one has to summarize what the story's about without giving too much away and provide a decent hook in the process. This is especially true in the short description where there's limited space. Half of this one tells us something we already know, while the other half repeats the title. That's not terrible, but it does leave much to be desired, especially with the somewhat awkward phrasing.

The long description isn't much better, as it does much the same thing but with three paragraphs instead of two sentences. This is the only part that isn't superfluous:

With their newfound marks, this also was but one step into adulthood and suddenly their friendship takes a turn for the better or worse. What will they now that their friendship goes forward with ideas of adulthood ahead and of a love life? Will their strong friendship become more than just friends or will it break as time marches on? Only fate knows what will be in store for these three fillies...

The awkward phrasing becomes a bullhorn, but it does go into more detail by mentioning that their friendship will be strained by romance. This is a good concept, as friendship and love are closely related, and as kids grow up the latter can grow from the former. Granted, little kids who spend a lot of time together often think of each other as siblings and that can put a huge damper on romance, but it's still possible.

The title of the first chapter, "Romantic Worries," helps clarify the focus of this story, along with the romance tag and the link to the Hearts and Hooves Day contest. Actually, these other clues are more informative than the description! Fail. Is it really that hard to say something like this: "Growing up isn't easy—especially when your closest friends start to make your heart flutter. Can the Cutie Mark Crusaders cope with this newfound growth, or will the shock of impending romance drive them apart for good?" Note: I spoiler tagged this because it wasn't immediately obvious if the ship was real or a misunderstanding, and I used my power of hindsight to clear that up. Reading on, you'll see why I was confused.

EDIT: This is in the Popular Stories list on 1/21/16... won't last long but damn, my first story to be in that list...

Oh boy... Bragging about being featured is one thing, but this?

This makes me worried about the story's quality and could easily turn away potential readers.

Before I go on, I need to mention that the last chapter is called, "A Friendship Rekindled," so I already know that everything is going to work out in the end. While naming chapters is a nice touch, try to avoid putting spoilers in them.

Anyway, "Romantic Worries" begins with what appears to be third version of the story's description. This one, in five paragraphs, focuses on how the supposed romance effects their friendship.

The friendship they made together once forged and burning as bright as the Sun itself was now being torn by one part to their development into adulthood, an unrequited love for one another. It was all thanks to Diamond for bringing this topic up for them. She couldn’t blame her though, she saw it as a possibility and they couldn’t deny it as well.

Dumb question, but if this 'love' is mutually unrequited, then what's the problem? They can't all be 'oh noes, the other two love me, but I don't love them back!' or they'll very quickly realize that there's no problem in the first place. One would hope. Well, these are the CMC...

The story, despite not having done anything, jumps back in time one month to when their troubles began. Supposedly it will expand upon the scene mentioned above, but it still struggles to get its footing. It immediately goes off on a tangent and rambles for a bit about Diamond Tiara's reformation. Then, Diamond and the CMC laugh about Rainbow Dash being Scootaloo's mentor instead of sister (for some reason). No, I don't get it either, but it's apparently so funny that they laughed for 'what seemed like hours.'

Even if that had been an actually funny joke, that's a hugely disproportionate response. Ponies don't laugh for 'hours'. They laugh for like fifteen seconds, tops. Less even.

Anyway, the CMC do their group hug thing, and this is apparently gay, because Diamond Tiara says so, but she says it in way they don't understand.

[Diamond] couldn’t but let a sigh escape and smile at her first friend, “Going well, just right now I’m telling them about them being fit together to be a herd.”

Silver looked to the CMC first trying to understand what she meant. She clearly saw the intention and in all honesty, even that hasn’t slipped her mind though she never thought of it being bought up now. Diamond was about to tell them about the knowledge of herds when silver cut her off, “You do realize that the whole class hasn’t gone through that course right? For good reason too might I add?”

Setting aside the plot for a moment, this story likes to engage in head-hopping. Despite the fact that Silver Spoon only just appeared, we now know what she's thinking, and we also know what Diamond Tiara was thinking about saying in the same paragraph. Constantly jumping around like this is jarring and damaging to immersion.

And yeah, 'herds' are apparently a thing in this story. At least it looks like mutual love rather than a shameless excuse for polygamy. Also, Cheerilee apparently only teaches sex ed selectively to some students and not others, because, ya know, some kids just need to figure that stuff out on their own, I guess. It's not like that'll ever be a problem or anything. [/sarcasm]

This might become a problem for those three? Diamond was trying to understand what her friend was suggesting. Sure, maybe this was a bit too early to learn, but sooner or later, they would’ve learned about it anyhow. Especially now that they got their cutie marks meaning that they just took the first step into adulthood. So what seems to be the matter about this knowledge? She couldn’t help but try to satiate her curiosity, “What do you mean this might be a problem for those three Silver Spoon? You know as well as I do that they would’ve learned it anyhow, so I decided to tell them about it. Especially now that they gotten their cutie marks meaning that they took their first step into adulthood. What’s to stop them from making that second step?”

Another problem with this story is its repetitiveness. One of the easiest ways to bore people is to repeat what was already said. Copying the first half of this paragraph and putting quotes around it does not make for an engaging read. Literally everything before the quotation marks is unnecessary.

The rest of this chapter is devoted to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon arguing about whether the CMC are ready for love or not, and they come up with some kind of plan in case things go sour. Yeah, they have to plan ahead so that the main driving conflict of this story can't do any lasting harm. It's kinda like trying to hype up the outcome of an auto race when we know for a fact that none of the cars have gas in them. A gripping thriller, this is not.

Silver’s head was pulled closer to her friend as she whispered her plan to her. The plan that Diamond has in store registered to Silver and she couldn’t hold back a smile as she listened to it all. As soon as she was done, she backed away still wearing her smile, “Diamond Tiara, you are a genius…”

“I know! Let’s just hope it doesn’t go down that though…” Her gray filly friend nodded. They did their signature handshake while saying their lines. It had been a while since they had done that and it was gratifying to do so.

Handshake? Really? I know what it's trying to say, but still...

You know, by this story's own logic, these two are flamin' gay. After all, bumping rumps is a lot more risque than a group hug. Just sayin'.

Before I move on to the next chapter, I'm going to complain about how this one is structured. It consists of three main parts, where the first part hypes up the romantic tension, the second part shows the scene where the CMC talk to Diamond Tiara, and the third part shows the scene where Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon talk to each other. Of these three parts, only the second one actually advanced the plot.

The first part is unnecessary because, as I said, it's basically another version of the story's description. There are better ways to build conflict than by saying, "This is teh conflict, lolz!", like, ya know, actually having the characters interact with each other and showing the conflict take place.

The third part is even worse, as it hurts the pacing by taking up half the chapter, reiterates the conflict again, and tries to kill it by actively plotting against it. Now, there's nothing wrong with including Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon as part of the eventual solution, but it would make much, much more sense for them to wait until there actually is a problem before they start trying to solve it. Right now, there's no guarantee that the CMC will even bother to look up what 'herd' means (or find ponies willing to tell them). This makes the ex-bullies appear psychic for predicting the future.

The next chapter's called "Learning About Love", and it's the longest one at 4,582 words. It might be a lot shorter if it didn't waste like five paragraphs blathering on and on about saying 'thank you,' but I digress...

Seriously though, this story has a love of exploring tangents. While it's true that adding extra details can flesh characters out and add depth, dwelling on those same details can diminish the story's focus. Think of it this way: if the story was playing a game, it'd be one of those players who insists on breaking all of the blocks on every level looking for secrets. After a certain point, the people watching your Let's Play video are going to get the impression that the game is not about defeating Booser and rescuing Damsel, but about breaking stuff and collecting coins.

After that awkward conversation with Diamond Tiara about… whatever she was about to tell them about, they left the school grounds. For now, the word herd was lingering in their thoughts. Just what did Diamond mean by the three of them being fit together to be a herd? The Cutie Mark Crusaders wanted answers to that question and, as Silver Spoon suggested; either Twilight or their siblings could answer that question.

Speaking of awkward conversations... I've mentioned awkward phrasing several times now, so this is as good a time as any to point out a specific example. The story latches onto the phrase 'being fit together to be a herd' and it's incredibly clunky. Just say something like 'they're acting like a herd,' or 'they'd make a perfect herd,' or even 'they're a herd.' Pretty much anything other than making it sound like they're trying to assemble a puzzle would do. I get the impression that English is not the author's first language.

Back to the story, the CMC, rather than asking around to answer that question, randomly take a philosophy break and sit around pondering the meaning of life—because they have short attention spans, or something. While I can appreciate that they're wondering what to do with their lives after having earned their cutie marks, this is very poor timing for such a discussion on the story's part. It makes them look like they're not interested in learning about the whole 'herd' thing. From an organizational standpoint, this scene would have worked better as the story's opener rather than appearing the middle to interrupt everything.

Well, Scootaloo's plan for the future is flying a little higher, but who cares about that? The main point of this scene is so that they can splash in the fountain, get wet, and ogle each other.

The three kept on splashing one another for what felt like an eternity to them. After a few minutes of splashing each other, they stopped and stepped out of the fountain. All three look upon each other in their soaked state. Something within their minds clicked but they weren’t so sure what it was. They stared at each other for some time admiring their drenched bodies. Shades of red were beginning to rise upon their faces as they looked away from each other weakly laughing. They shook off the water and the sudden feelings begun to fade away as well as their blushing faces. The feeling did bother the three of them a bit but they were more baffled as to why it came to them. Regardless of this detail, they decided to continue the conversation before their fun in the water while trekking to Twilight’s castle. Sweetie cleared her throat as she begun to speak though the topic was something all three shared, “So, um… what was that feeling we felt when we… um, looked at each other while soaked?”

Wow. So much for that 'unrequited love.' Pro tip: if you don't know what words mean, then don't use them.

I have to admit that this is a much better way of showing that they're interested in each other than just declaring it after a group hug. This is yet another reason that this scene would be better at the start, as it helps define their relationship so that we, as readers, will know what to expect from them as the story progresses. Up until this point I assumed that their infatuation was going to be a simple misunderstanding, but now I know it's real. Also, Sweetie Belle can read minds.

Well, after this, they get back on track to go see Twilight. And, like, they're all chaos gods or something, because they leave a trail of destruction in their wake—just by walking. Seriously. I'm not making this up. See for yourself:

In their thought process, craziness ensued around them such as some crashing carriages, ponies running into each other by accident as they were avoiding the three fillies, and many things unaccounted for. By the time they reached the crystalline steps, they raised their heads agreeing with each other that Discord could possibly understand Pinkie’s odd antics unbeknownst to them that behind them was a clutter of chaos. One that Discord would either be glad it happened or be a little bit jealous at him being left out of it.

This is amusing, if a bit random. I'm not sure that the desire for them to continue causing chaos even after they've earned their cutie marks is enough to justify giving them a superpower, though. It's also contradictory to this story's stated intentions. The CMC aren't growing if they're staying the same. Just sayin'.

Well, they finally reach Twilight, but flake out instead of asking her what 'herd' means. There's zero reason for that, as nobody's given them any indication that this might be forbidden or dangerous knowledge. This puts Twilight in an awkward position, and they finally do ask the question when she threatens to leave.

Then, it's Twilight's turn to pussyfoot around. She grills them about why they want to know, and when she finds out, she decides to play matchmaker. Her answer to their question is to give them a picture book. Seriously? What, exactly, does she give them? Karma Sutra's Illustrated Guide to Herds—You Know—for Kids? It's nothing terrible—just kissing—but that still grosses them out. If she'd flat-out said that a 'herd' is a group of ponies who love each other, then perhaps they wouldn't be quite so repulsed.

Well, having learned what they came for, they put the pieces together and realize they're falling in love with each other. This, quite frankly, frightens them.

“Yeah see you two back here…someday.” Sweetie was not confident in her words. She looked back at the two who were walking away from each other and heading back home. She looked away and returned to the boutique feeling very conflicted. It was here, that their friendship begun to tear apart and left them conflicted.

That's a good way of ending this chapter, as it sets up a new conflict that keeps the reader interested in what's going to happen next.

However, due to having been explicitly told what was going to happen back at the start of the first chapter, I already know that this is going to drive a wedge in their friendship and it's going to last a month, at which point Diamond Tiara will fix everything with whatever she's planning. Knowing this kinda kills the impact and turns what could be a heart-wrenching experience into a groan-fest. Look, there's a reason that foreshadowing is often symbolic or otherwise subtle. That's all I'm sayin'.

Well, I guess the author felt the same way, because this period of increased tension which drives them apart is skipped completely. The next chapter, "Repenting Mistakes" starts 'about' four weeks later, which is an odd way of saying one month, but anyway...

This chapter's devoted to Diamond Tiara. If you're wondering why she'd wait an entire month to do anything when she both expected the CMC to drift apart and had a plan for it, it's because she lied. She has no plan. Her entire idea consists of telling Cheerilee what happened, and she waited so long because she was worried that she'd get in trouble for breaking them up.

Okay, so technically Diamond Tiara does have a nominal plan: getting other ponies to do her job for her, but it's not what I'd call genius level and this makes Silver Spoon look like a shameless sycophant for overreacting. Yes, some authors do portray Silver Spoon that way, but it's inconsistent with her prior characterization in this story.

As for Cheerilee? She's actually pretty chill.

Cheerilee’s smile never faded from her as she pulled up a picture showing the Cutie Mark Crusaders, their siblings, and ponies of all kind being there for the picture. Diamond and Silver saw the picture and couldn’t help but smile a bit seeing it. The fuchsia mare looked at the picture for a few seconds before responding, “The way they’re acting is normal for almost anypony who hasn’t gotten through love before. They’re conflicted on whether to accept their friendship growing into romantic territory right you two?” They nodded to her answer. She lowered the picture back to her desk as she stood up from her chair, “We all go through this on our first time that is a fact. But if we can push it and remind them that being romantically involved is not such a bad thing, then their friendship will return with renewed vigor.”

On the surface, that looks like good advice, except when you consider the specific circumstance. After the whole love poison fiasco, Cheerilee pressured the CMC into confessing that shipping ponies is bad, and here she is, plotting to do much the same thing herself. Yes, she does have an interest in helping her students grow up to be the best possible ponies they can be, but this goes well beyond mere advice. Continuing on, she decides to conspire with the CMC's sisters in a plot to bring them back together, presumably romantically. In doing so, she's circumventing their parents (grandmare in Apple Bloom's case) to tell them whom they should love.

That's taboo. Cheerilee could take some serious heat for doing that, and given her previous stance on matters of love, it doesn't make any sense. I think this story wanted to lend an air a legitimacy to the ship so it brought in a respected authority figure to support it, but in doing so, it just made Cheerilee act out of character. For shame.

More realistically, the best thing Cheerilee could do here is to stick with advice, encourage them to talk it over with their families, and let them work things out on their own. If they want to be romantic—that's fine, if not—that's fine too. What they shouldn't do is keep avoiding each other, because that's been causing them more grief then just making a decision and getting it over with.

Before I go on, I'd like to at least touch on the matter on homophobia since this story doesn't seem interested in doing so. Sorry, Fluttershy, but your assistance is required.

Thank you, dear. It's entirely possible that Cheerilee could act like this:

No. I would not expect her to, but homophobia is also a natural reaction and it isn't exactly uncommon, either, but not in this story. Here, the ship is all-important. All hail the ship! Literally everyone in this story wants the CMC to start making out, except, perhaps, for the CMC themselves. (But they totally do—the universal blush-at-the-sight-of-each-other demands it!)

Yes, this is a fantasy world and the author does have the freedom to mold it to the story, but if elements are missing purely for the sake of convenience it can hurt immersion. It starts to look less like a real situation and more like shameless wish-fulfillment. I might be judging too quickly, but the signs so far are discouraging. Perhaps the story will yet surprise me. Perhaps at least one of the sisters will show an inherent homophobic bias by asking the younger to reconsider, or by sounding openly supportive but privately wondering what went wrong, or something else, but I doubt it. Spoiler: The worst we see is a brief period of denial from Applejack. Once the initial shock wears off, they all support the ship.

By the way, I'd be even more upset with the existence of a strawman thrown in simply to prove that homophobia is bad. Yes, it is bad, but the strawman argument is plain bad storytelling. In that regard, avoiding the matter altogether is perhaps the better choice.

This chapter wraps up by mentioning that Cheerilee is planning a 'surprise' on Hearts and Hooves Day. It's probably going to be cake. Please let it be cake. I really hope it's cake.

The next three chapters deal with these sister-to-sister chats individually.

In the first one, there's a passage that's really sloppy.

On the fourth week, Applejack got a visit from both Twilight and Cheerilee and they confirmed her worries. Cheerilee had devised a setup that could bring the three back together while Twilight explained what was bothering them for so long. To hear that the three had feelings for each other elicited nothing but a hat lifting in the air by itself showing her surprise from the Apple farmer. Applejack was very shocked from hearing this revelation yet found it all hard to believe. She wanted to hear this from Apple Bloom before she started believing in Twilight’s words.

After all of that, she decided to do what Cheerilee suggested to bring them back together.

One: WTF is Twilight doing in this scene? Cheerillee is perfectly capable of explaining things without needing any backup from picture-book mare. Two: Cartoon physics feels out of place in an otherwise serious story. Three: It contradicts itself. Why would Applejack agree with Cheerilee's plan if she doesn't believe her in the first place?

Three strikes and... Actually, that's pretty good if you're bowling.

Let's skip ahead to the next one.

Of all the problems the fashion mare had in mind for her younger sibling, she never expected a love triangle to be what was troubling Sweetie Belle. She couldn’t help but let a gleeful sound escape over hearing that her own sibling was infatuated by her own friends. Of course the idea did bother her at first, but over time as they continued to play with each other,  she renounced it and would be willing to accept it if her sister was willing to continue. Knowing Sweetie Belle though, she’d probably have mixed feelings about this.

Reading stories can be said to feel like peering into another world. The mind's eye can behold the most wondrous of sights far beyond what one would expect from mere black text on a white background. However, it's a delicate thing as illusions are fragile and it needs to be treated with care. This passage is about as careful as trying to floss with an electric fence. When I saw this, I realized, much to my horror, that I was not looking into another world, but rather up the shaft of an outhouse, and the story just took a massive dump on my face.

The logic here's so asinine and self-contradictory that pretty much nothing makes sense. How can Rarity act gleeful upon first learning about the infatuation and then go on and state that her first reaction was botheration? And that she got over it by deciding to change her mind while watching them play? The whole problem is that they're not playing with each other. That's the whole reason Twilight/Cheerilee brought it up! It's not like those kids had romantic feelings for each other earlier, because the whole premise of this story is that the magic of their cutie marks triggered the next phase of their development into adolescence. Also, Rarity can read minds.

Shortly after this, we're directly told that Sweetie Belle's feeling conflicted. This story's unholy combination of head-hopping and repetitiveness gives the impression that everypony's psychic.

And yeah, it has a couple of plot holes. Not enough for a full round of golf, mind you, but you could get a wicked game of foosball going. Or, ya'know, whatever this is:

Okay. Note to self: that's enough goofing off and browsing YouTube. Time to get back to the review...

The structure of these three chapters is generally similar in that the siblings get together, the older one offers encouragement, and after a few tears they agree to go to a picnic at the gazebo on Hearts and Hooves Day. This setup could easily make the chapters feel like carbon copies of each other, but the story avoids that by focusing on the characterization. They're unique enough as individuals so that the same setup can be explored from different angles, even if they all achieve the same results. Well, that and the third chapter pulls this stunt:

[Rainbow] was trying to word out what was troubling her but each word came in audible gasps as she desperately tries to tell [Rarity], “I… ha… tried to… have a little… chat with… Scoots…but…” She was deeply exhausted trying to breathe in and out as her mind was still going into overdrive.

Rarity can see her concerned but she was not able to understand why she was breathing heavily if she were to just have a simple chat with Scootaloo, “Darling, I can see wanting a simple chat with Scootaloo but why are you…?”

The fashionista got cut off by the cyan mare whose eyes were wide with shock joining alongside her panicked expression, “Scoots is gone!”

I approve, actually. Well, not about the flip-flopping between past and present tense, but about the Scootaloo-being-missing thing. It might be a cheap trick, but this injection of dramatic tension does spice things up, and it gives an excuse for Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle to come together in concern for their missing friend.

Apple Bloom moved to her friend’s side, sharing her sentiments and supporting her friend. Both looked at each other smiling a bit seeing that despite the rocky start with their feelings for each other, they still had the spark of friendship they made. Their smile did not go unnoticed by their older siblings as they too were smiling see their friendship steadily returning back to its former strength. After a moment of happiness, Apple Bloom retuned back to the topic, “Ah’m with Sweetie on this! We can’t just stop our search fer Scoots right?”

It's also not overdone, as Scootaloo just wanted some quiet time to herself and went to hang out at a secret hidden spot, which turned out to be the pond. Ponyville's pond is neither secret nor a good place to hide, but whatever.

I do have to fault the scene for one thing, though. Rainbow Dash didn't actually have any reason to be concerned. If I walk down the street and knock on somepony's door, I'm not going to call for a search and rescue team if they don't answer. That's kinda what Rainbow Dash is doing here. While the others might trust her enough not to question her motives, we, as readers, need a bit more to go on. Also, after finding Scootaloo, Rainbow Dash never bothers to go back and tell anypony that the search is over. Rude.

The orange pegasus was rubbing her hooves together in nervousness. Her mentor was here and she knew that she might not get another chance to speak this ever. She looked at her, her eyes pleading for her answer, “Could you… be with me? I want to meet my friends again and settle this… I don’t want our friendship to break like this.”

Rainbow pulled her fan closer to her as she embraced her in a hug, “Of course I will for you! Me and your friend’s sisters talked out about this and decided to meet each other under the gazebo on Hearts and Hooves Day so you three can talk it out. We’ll all be there for you.”

The others weren't exactly subtle, but Rainbow Dash, in her bluntness, goes ahead and spills the beans.

I'm going to pause for a moment to comment on this situation. We now have three young girls who are essentially going on a group date with each other on the single biggest romantic holiday of the year. One would think they'd be freaking out, but they aren't. In fact, the word 'date' is never even mentioned. Much like the phase where they drifted apart, this phase where they should be fretting away with nervousness is also painfully absent. It's not even like the holiday's soon, as the picnic doesn't take place until two more weeks. For a little kid, that's practically forever.

Well, the final chapter, "A Friendship Rekindled," opens with, well...

Once again, the story proves that it has a poor sense of focus because the first thing everypony does when they get together is to rant about Diamond Tiara's mother. Yeah, it's not like we care about the CMC or anything. Let's go ahead and explore that tangent. And while we're at it, we should build a shop full of unsecured, delicate china on top of an active fault line. That's a good idea too.

After this discussion, they have lunch, and the CMC play games with Pinkie Pie, who's also there for some reason, along with Twilight and Fluttershy (You'd think at least one of them would have other plans on Hearts and Hooves Day). After all the hype, this is a huge disappointment, as it's basically a normal picnic.

Twilight and Fluttershy go off to fetch Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, so I guess now things can finally get started, right?

Seeing the bullies bought back an unpleasant memory with the bullies Rainbow had to deal with. Due to that memory, she had an unseen vitriol with the bullies that verbally spoke lowly of the crusaders but mostly Scoots. It got almost out of control especially after that little stint where they said she couldn’t fly. That made the cyan mare really angry over that but she had to keep control and not let the past control her. Hearing the former bullies’ reformation did ease her anger upon them but it was when after Diamond talked back to her mother, she let a genuine smile form for them. She looked at her friend from the past who was smiling, “No worries Fluttershy, at least you bought them here. Let me guess though, there was some set condition though huh?”

For a story that's supposed to be about the CMC, a lot of attention is focused on Diamond Tiara's reformation. Seriously. It can't even mention her name without dumping in a few superfluous paragraphs about her being reformed. It's gratingly annoying.

Oh my god! This chapter just keeps going on and on and on about Diamond Tiara! Actually, more of it is devoted to her than the CMC! This final chapter is supposed to be the climactic scene where everything comes together. Instead, it's more like a soap box lost at sea because the ship it was on sailed away in the background.

Let's skip ahead to where it gets back on track.

In a split second, [Diamond] saw the three blushing a bit as they warily looked at each other. That was enough of an answer to know that they haven’t settled their growing friendship yet. A quiet, small, and nervous chuckle escaped from all three of them, “Um… actually since today was Hearts and Hooves Day, we thought that… we’d like to settle this um… love thing now just between us…”

Many were drinking some apple cider when the revelation came out. By the time the words made themselves clear, three of the seven mares widened their eyes and spat out their cider from the shock of the sentence. The three specifically were the crusaders’ guardians, “C-come again sugarcube? Ah thought that Ah heard ya saying that ya wanted t’ talk out them feelings…”

The CMC come out as being gay, and I don't know why their sisters act so surprised, because that's what they spent the entire last three chapters talking about. The whole point of the picnic is to get them to talk about their feelings. Rainbow Dash even said so!

To their surprise, all seven mares and the two fillies were smiling. Cheerilee stood up first watching the three of them with a noticeable sense of glee, “Well, if you wish to talk about this now…” She winked at the three of them causing them to look away in embarrassment. Unbeknownst to them, that was a signal everypony expected and they all stood up as well, “We’ll give you three some alone time to talk this out.”

Nevermind. It was a false alarm. This was all part of the master plan all along. What was even the point of that faux shock if the story wasn't going to do anything with it? I guess by now I shouldn't be surprised to see the story stumbling around so awkwardly.

By the way, 'alone' means 'being spied upon by everypony.' I guess that's karma for all the times they spied on other ponies themselves. After a quick chat, the CMC decide to take things slowly.

“Yeah, take it nice and slowly Apple Bloom…” A small chortle escaped from Sweetie, “You know, it’s kind of funny, this ended rather quickly for the three of us right?”

“Yeah, probably a little too quickly if I say so myself…” All three joined each other in their laughter and embraced each other. They were happy to be back together as fire-forged friends. Soon for them though, they’ll take on a different title if they so no problem to the road ahead, marefriends. Unbeknownst to them, from faraway, cheers were being sounded as the seven mares and the fillies hugged each other. The guardians of the three fillies were letting a few happy tears go seeing their own grow up so fast. From here on out for all of them, they knew that this was just the beginning of their journey into adulthood.

...and the story ends by mocking itself over how quickly the conflict is resolved when they actually talk to each other. Wow. What an anticlimax. That short paragraph-length epilogue is a nice touch, though, but given how bad the rest of the chapter is it's kinda like putting a gold star on a deflated balloon.

By the way, if you're wondering what the big surprise from Cheerilee was, she didn't actually have one. It was really about them talking all along. I'm sorry to disappoint, but the cake was merely a fabrication of my own wishful thinking.

Remember how Rarity felt when she kept inviting Applejack to the spa? Pleasant times could be had, if only things would work out, but they never did. It was just one continuous series of disappointments, one right after the other, made all the more frustrating by just how oblivious Applejack was to her needs. I feel much the same way about this story.

It did have a good premise, managed to build upon it, and didn't trigger too many rage-buttons. I could have screamed about how OOC everypony was when they where brainstorming ways to beat up Diamond Tiara's mother, but at that point it was obvious filler and I just didn't care.

A decent premise can only go so far. To work well, a story needs both a good premise and good execution, and this story's execution appears to be attempted suicide. It's poorly organized, weirdly phrased, mixes up tenses, head-hops, goes off on tangents, treats the ship as a foregone conclusion, has plot holes, is repetitively repetitive, does a lot of telling and little showing, and manages to pull off a lame ending. It's not all bad, though. Despite its faults, there's still a decent little story buried within the mountains of filler and chaff. The comments section is almost all praise. The cover art is good too.

I do want to make it clear that my gripe about the ending is not how the story played out, but the manner in which it was told. After all, I did say they should talk to the Crusaders and let them decide for themselves, and that's exactly what happened. But...

I'm going to mention symbolism again and how it plays into readers' expectations. One way a story can hint at things to come is by drawing parallel to past events. By placing the final scene on Hearts and Hooves Day in the same gazebo where the CMC doled out love poison, I expected this to be setup where they'd be taught an object lesson in the fallacies of love.

Can you imagine a scene in which the 'date' angle is played up, the CMC are strung tight with romantic tension, fuss over being pretty in dresses, stammer and blush about giving each other flowers and chocolate, and eventually panic over whether or not they should kiss each other? I can. When things get hectic, a reasonable adult could step in, remind them that they don't have to do these things if they don't want to, and that they're falling in love just by being themselves—not because of anything silly like dresses or dates or chocolates or holidays. That's when they could decide to take things slowly, and the story could even have the same ending.

Instead, what we got was a chapter dedicated to turning Spoiled Rich into a hypothetical punching bag and the actual conclusion was so short that it might as well have been a footnote. Can you see why I was so disappointed?

Terrible Translator Medal

The phrasing felt so consistently awkward that I kept tripping over the wording while trying to read it. For a story to flow well, the writing needs to be invisible. Get an editor.

Honest Attempt Medal

The story did make a noble attempt with a good premise but...

Unfortunate Letdown Medal

...yeah. That.

Laughter Lost Medal

Comedy might not be this story's focus, but it tried to make a running joke out of Rainbow Dash being Scootaloo's mentor instead of sister. I still don't get it.

As a bonus for making it all the way to the end, here's a somewhat related limerick:

Three little fillies once brewed a concoction.

It was purple and strong and a love toxin.

But they did inhale,

and the ship that set sail,

was themselves by their own concoction.