http://www.fimfiction.net/story/281602/legendaries-of-equestria

Ah yes, Pokemon. It's one of the longest running and most popular game series out there. On top of that, it's gotten a large number of spin-off games, manga, TV shows, and movies. Is it any wonder Pokemon are popular crossover material here?

Since this story promises to feature both a Lugia and a Latios, I did a little research and selected two videos which give a general idea as to their contributions to the anime. Fell free to skip them if you want, since the story itself should be able to tell us what we need to know.

Lugia

Latios

The second video is less informative, but it does show the origin of Soul Dew. The red one, Latias, is his sister. Let's see what the actual story is like.

Wait a minute—buying items? A convention? Oh please tell me it's not—

It is...

Is it a bad thing that I'm more troubled by that 'Displaced' tag than 'No Originality Brigade'? I hope you didn't waste any time watching those videos, because as a Displaced story the canon characterizations of Lugia and Latios just got thrown out with the bathwater. In their place we get Heather and... someone else, probably a self-insert. Ugh.

I shouldn't be so quick to judge. After all, Displaced is just a common collection of tropes and it's not like the genre itself is bad, right?

I'm also awarding the genra itself, a whooping 200% OF MY WRATH!!!

-Broadway Sweetie Belle

Oh fucking hell. I'm really going to regret this, aren't I?

Okay, deep breaths. I can do this. Supposing that I know nothing about Displaced, or even Pokemon for that matter, I'm going to take another look at that description and pick it apart.

I thought it was too good to be true, but I still bought the mega-stone and Soul Dew which I brought back to the only friend I had that was willing to come with me to the convention, Heather. Though it may have been because I bothered her over the phone about it for weeks. Well, if what happened to us was anything to go by, I’d have plenty of time to ask…

This is confusing as hell. What's a mega-stone? What's Soul Dew? One can't exactly buy those things at Walmart for five bucks. What convention? What does any of this have to do with ponies? What are those weird things in the story's cover art? What are the 'Legendaries' mentioned in the title? There's no actual clue that this story is about Pokemon aside from the 'Crossover' tag and being featured in a Pokemon group. That second sentence in the description is actually a fragment, and the last one doesn't even make any sense! Ask about what? Taking Heather to the convention? Didn't that already happen?

For something that's supposed to describe the story, this description does an awful job. It's basically a brick wall to people who don't know anything about Pokemon or Displaced. On a meta note, DJSkywalker, who is credited with helping create this story, happens to be the author of Gravity of the Situation which is also being reviewed here.

I do not own the cover-art either. Sadly I'm nowhere near good enough as an artist to even joke about it. :P

That 'either' must be a typo, as it makes no sense there. How about linking to the actual artist instead of simply refuting ownership? That's just plain rude. Also, putting emoticons into the story's description, ascii or otherwise, looks dumb.

Well, I think I've ranted enough about the description. Let's see what lurks in the story itself.

Chapter 1: A whole new world...

Great, so this is going to be one of those stories that fails at properly capitalizing chapter titles. I don't have high hopes for this.

        I hissed in pain as my eyes snapped open, my hands instantly moving to my head which had hit something hard. The first thing I felt was the bump forming, then I touched my ears which made me stop completely, one hand on the long white ear which I definitely didn’t have when I went to sleep. I slowly looked down to see my body, only to nearly scream when I saw that I wasn’t even human anymore before I tried to open my mouth and speak, only to find I couldn’t talk and quickly started looking around with a good bit of fear, shock, and worry.

This is the story's opening paragraph, and it's functional, but barely. Note that there's mention of looking around, but the only thing that actually gets described is his ear, which he shouldn't even be able to see! This is not how a first person narrative should work. The whole point of using first person is to share the narrator's experience of the world with the audience. This is better accomplished by describing what the narrator is looking at, rather than simply stating that he's looking. Sure, I do get the impression that he's transformed into something, but I don't know what. This confusion is appropriate, but it's conveyed by lack of detail rather than the narrator's own shock and horror. Thus, I'm not invested in this guy at all.

After waking up, he drags himself on the ground for ten minutes. That number feels pretty arbitrary, as if you actually drag yourself on the ground for an entire ten minutes then you're going to feel sore at best and bruised at worst. He's looking for Heather, though I have no idea why he'd expect her to be in this featureless void too. She finds him first, and startles him by roaring.

“AHHHHHHHHH!” I won’t deny that I screamed like a girl when she did that, though I really didn’t notice that after I had jumped in fear I didn’t come back down, “What the hell?!”

The consistency here is awful. After stating that he can't speak, he's now screaming and swearing? Plus, if he didn't notice that he was floating, then why is he mentioning that?

        I looked down, seeing a fairly large avian creature holding its sides with its wide wings as it laughed its arrow-shaped head off. Its blue eyes were closed and close to tears from the laughter, its tri-tipped tail banging on the ground.

Here's the description of Heather. While it's good to see action mixed with visualization, it's still too vague to get a real fix as to what she looks like, especially when arbitrary terms like 'fairly large' are used. To avoid confusion, it's better to make comparisons with known objects. Latios is about as big as a horse, and Lugia is three times larger, about as big as a school bus. See? Was that so hard?

As for her behavior, um, what? If she's going through the same experience as the narrator, then why is she already able to fly and why is she treating this like a game? Doesn't she have any obligations back home? Are either of them going to get a backstory?

The narrator, whose name is Tommy, finally realized that he's floating and this prompts him to fall flat on his face kinda like Wile E. Coyote after walking off a cliff. Joy. Slapstick comedy. He's also identified as a Latios and his screaming and swearing was apparently done via telepathy, which is also why his speech is italicized. Well, that works for a psychic type Pokemon, I guess. Heather speaks normally, though, even though Lugia is also psychic type.

“Anyway, we should probably find out where we are. Two legendary pokémon in a forest is usually not a good idea.”

“If we’re actually in a world of pokémon I hope you know we’re screwed,” I commented, trying to figure out how I was floating earlier, “If I can’t figure out my floating thing sometime soon you’re carrying me.”

Oh, so they're in a forest? I never would have known since it wasn't actually mentioned until now. Also, thanks for pointing out just how much better this story would be if they really were in a Pokemon universe instead of Equestria. As is, the only real conflict is Tommy's apparent lack of body control.

“Fly or die, Tommy!”

“WHY DID I EVER INVITE YOU?!” I screamed as I flailed in the air, my wings helping me stay in the air as I slowly fell, and I mean slowly.

“Just for moments like that,” she laughed out. Why did my best friend have to enjoy making me miserable? Wait, the better question is: why the hell do I keep hanging out with her?!

Hmm... That is a good question. This chapter's mostly devoted to banter between these two, and while the personalities are decent, there's no sense of urgency in their situation and the only thing that happens is mostly just Heather picking on him in one way or another. She fangirls over the possibility of meeting a Pikachu, and now treats this like a vacation.

It'd be nice if he spoke up and acted like a voice of reason, but he's more concerned with licking his proverbial wounds than fighting back. Since he still hasn't figured out how to float, he has to let Heather carry him when she decides to go exploring. She flies low, smacking him into every tree in the forest. Ugh. One can only take so much slapstick comedy before it starts to look like plain old abuse.

They happen upon a town full of ponies, but decide not to enter because of a loud bar brawl. That's strange behavior for ponies, but not impossible. Their decision not to get involved is actually very sensible. Two dragon-like creatures emerging from a forest would likely not go over well, especially not when violent drunks are involved.

“If they’re gonna act completely like humans, I’m not sure they’re the ponies I wanna meet. I want the ones flowing with friendship, and happiness, and joy. You know? Shit like that.” Heather turned and started to fly parallel to the forest line.

“Well to be honest in my opinion nothing can be worse than humans.” I shrugged, “Our species does bad things.”

“Oh don’t be such misanthrope. You sound like that weird drifter kid a few years back.” She rolled her eyes and soon stopped at a small stream.

Keep in mind that this story does have an AU tag, and this is the first hint we see that these ponies aren't exactly like the ones from the show. Tommy's misanthropic tendencies aside, it's nice to see hint of a backstory even if we aren't actually going to get one.

“Hmm… I have always wanted to try a certain one.” Lugia took in a deep breath then a ball of golden energy began to build in her open mouth. “Aeroblast!” She fired… right at me!!

“YOU TERRIBLE PERSON!” I screamed as I dived out of the way to avoid the attack. The beam cut through several of the trees, leaving a series of scorched holes deep into the forest.

Wow, pulling out the big guns already? I suppose this could be worse; she could be vaporizing a hapless manticore. If you're not familiar with Pokemon, Aeroblast is Lugia's signature and most powerful combat move. Her excuse for attacking him is that she thought he was immune due to Latios' dragon typing (he's psychic/dragon dual type, actually), despite the fact that dragons don't even resist flying-type attacks. I'm not buying it. Her knowledge that Lugia even has the Aeroblast ability plus previous fangirling over Pikachu implies a fairly decent understanding of Pokemon. Yes, typing can be confusing, but it's not that confusing.

Tommy responds with Telekenisis and tosses a small rock at her. Yes, that is a move that Latios can learn. It's also incredibly lame compared to the deforestation attack she used. She ends the 'battle' by hitting him with Whirlwind. Well, at least that move doesn't do damage, not that game mechanics mean anything in narrative, anyway.

After that, they decide to go back to that town they saw, but somehow got lost. It's also revealed that Heather bought a flute which she lost upon arrival. Obvious plot device is obvious, but hey, that's better than having no plot, right? Hopefully the story will follow up on that lead and start building up a larger conflict soon. Spoiler alert: the flute is never mentioned again.

Luck shines on them, and they spot a pony who is obviously Rainbow Dash sleeping on a cloud. Despite the fact that Tommy doesn't know how to float yet, Heather demands that he go up and talk to her, something he can't actually do.

“Could you just do it? I’ll find a way to pay you back later on if it works; even though I’ll likely regret this decision.” I asked, looking directly at Heather.

She gave me a very small glare before sighing. “I swear I have to do everything for you. It’s like you’re still a kid.” She started flapping her wings, slowly gaining altitude up to the cloud.

Obviously failing that request, she belittles him. Are you feeling the humor yet? Because I'm not.

“Finally!” Heather sighed/groaned. “You’re are a hard pony to wake up, ya know that? Look, I’m sorry for doing that, but my friend and I need help.”

“How do I know you’re not lying and just trying to take me somewhere to eat me? Huh? How?” The pony narrowed her eyes at Heather, seeing the sharp teeth as she spoke.

What's up with 'sighed/groaned'? Just pick one; don't try to use both.

Anyway, Rainbow Dash, smooth as ever, accuses the giant monster of wanting to eat her. Uh... That's not great characterization. If she really feels like her life's in danger, she'd be flying away or throwing punches, not talking. Heather has the tact of a garden hose, and 'reassures' this pony by telling her that she'd probably taste bad. Tommy inturrupts by announcing that he's giving her the nickname 'Skittles', and this somehow makes everything his fault.

“I can hear everything through your ears right now Heather! I do not approve of you calling me lame!” I barked, before snorting at Heather’s first comment.

Wait, what? He can hear through her ears? That's got to be confusing. Does he hear an echo when he talks or—no wait, he speaks telepathically. Still, this is a very strange development. It's also never mentioned again, joining the flute on the growing list of useless plot developments.

'Skittles' joins in on the belittlement, apparently insulting Tommy's cooking. That's... odd. Why in the world would she do that?

Finally introducing herself, Rainbow Dash declares herself the fastest flyer in all of Equestria. Meh. She's enough of a braggart to say that, so I won't argue.

“Either way, it sounds cool, but back to the topic that started all this ‘fun’... I STILL NEED A FRIGGIN’ BED!!” Her scream nearly caused Rainbow to jump off the cloud.

“Jeez! Calm down! I’ll get you a bed or something!” Rainbow said, as she nervously looked at Heather.

Heather huffed for a moment before coming back to her ‘proper’ senses… or at least as proper as she can be. “Sorry, I just don’t do camping. It’s absolutely horrible!”

“I completely get you my mare- Err, bird?” Rainbow shrugged slightly and looked at the position of the sun before turning the complete opposite direction that Heather and I had been going.

Wow, Heather is an absolute bitch. She screams for what she wants in all-caps with superfluous exclamation points and this is apparently acceptable because Rainbow Dash agrees with her. On top of that, she sounds even more insufferable than a flanderized, badfic Rarity.

There's some whining about having to carry Tommy because he can't fly yet and the chapter ends when they all head off to Ponyville.

By the Gods, that was awful! I haven't even made it to chapter two and this story is already eating away at my nerves.

While I have enough evidence to simply string Heather up as a Mary Sue and be done with it, that wouldn't be fair to this story. In fact, it's my belief that something far more insidious is going on. I might as well go ahead and say it.

Heather and Tommy have an abusive relationship. It's well known that HiE in general, and Displaced specifically, are fairly low on the creativity spectrum. There's a fairly high chance that one or both of these people are modeled after people in real life. Say what you want about the characterization, Heather and Tommy's personalities are both true-to-life.

I sincerely hope this isn't the case, but what would happen if Tommy was a self-insert and he was projecting his abusive partner into Heather? Abuse takes many forms, but all of them exert dominance and control over their victims. To help prove my point, I grabbed a list and filled it out.

What Does An Abusive Relationship Look Like?

Does your partner ever….

>    Embarrass you with put-downs?

Heather belittles him.

>    Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?

Tommy literally can't move without her help.

>    Look at you or act in ways that scare you?

The first thing she did was to jump-scare him.

>    Push you, slap you, choke you or hit you?

AEROBLAST!!!

>    Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?

The story's narrative structure itself isolates him. If you're wondering why he isn't making a fuss over wanting to go home, it's because she wouldn't tolerate it.

>    Control the money in the relationship? Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?

N/A

>    Make all of the decisions?

Based on the description, Tommy was the one who opted to go to the convention, so no, she does not make all the decisions.

>    Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away your children?

N/A

>    Prevent you from working or attending school?

He can't exactly attend school in Equestria. So, yeah. See above.

>    Act like the abuse is no big deal, deny the abuse or tell you it’s your own fault?

AEROBLAST!!! Lol, you're immune...but not actually.

>    Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?

Well, no.

>    Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?

Yeah. Do I have to say 'Areoblast' again, or do you get it yet?

>    Attempt to force you to drop criminal charges?

N/A

>    Threaten to commit suicide, or threaten to kill you?

Actually, yes. She did say 'fly or die,' and later jested about using Whirlwind to push him off a cliff.

If you answered ‘yes’ to even one of these questions, you may be in an unhealthy or abusive relationship.

That's 'yes' to nine of them. Ouch.

So what does this mean for the story's narrative? If Heather is a projection of an abusive partner, then the author's going to want to do everything to please her. This means warping the story unrealistically to suit her needs. Tommy struggles with being transformed, Heather does not. Tommy expresses 'fear shock and worry'; Heather acts like she's on vacation. Despite being initially skeptical, Rainbow Dash sided with Heather as soon as Tommy got involved in the conversation and they teamed up against him.

This story does have a decent concept of what it needs to do to be good, but it doesn't dare displease the mistress or there will be blood. Henceforth, I'm going to point out every single sign of domestic abuse that I see. And trust me, folks. This was the tame chapter. It gets much worse later on.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/237264/gong-yi-tem-ponies

It's worth noting that the story Allan and Dojo are from crosses over with no less than three other Displaced stories, and I don't even want to know how many those stories cross over with. The entire Displaced genre itself is nothing but one giant circle-jerk. How is this even allowed on the site? Oh wait...

Don’t Post (Genres)

• Stories written as an in-joke between a small group of people, with little relevance to anyone outside that group. Colloquially known as “circle-jerking.”

-Site Rules

It's not!

Is it any wonder that the entire genre itself earned a whopping 200% rage? Fuck you, Displaced, fuck you to hell.