"((And if you look over here, you'll see the remains of--er, I mean, a crater where the Golden Oaks Library once was.))"

That's weird, I thought to myself as I cautiously looked down said crater, wondering what happened to the burnt and twisted remains of the literal tree-house that Twilight once lived in; I know I'm not crazy and just imagined the thing since I'm pretty sure it was here during yesterday's tour. Nevertheless, I straightened my black tie, then turned back to the tour group I was leading before I started reciting in Spanish one of the many tour facts I was required to memorize.

"((During the Tirek incident, Princess Twilight Sparkle did everything in her power to minimize collateral damage, however, despite all of her efforts, only one building in the town was utterly destroyed,))" I gestured at the crater before finishing with, "((her own.))"

The twenty or so ponies in my tour group released an intrigued 'oooh' as they looked at one another before they started taking pictures of the crater. I moved off to the side a bit in order to give them an unobstructed shot, but occasionally, some of the tourists would approach me and ask if I could take their camera and take a shot of them with their friends or family members besides the crater, while others were more interested with having picture of themselves standing besides me, probably so they could brag back home about the strange creature they met on their vacation.

Minutes later, a tourist, a young mare by the looks of her, walked up to me. "((Excuse me, sir?))" she asked.

"Hmm?" I sounded as I turned to the mare, having just returned another tourist's camera after taking a quick shot of them with their friends.

The mare then pointed to an erect stone plaque sticking out of the ground a few feet away from falling into the gaping hole before asking, "((Can you tell me what it says on that thing?))"

"((Sure,))" I answered, walking towards it with the mare following closely. I then crouched before the plaque and began translating what was etched onto it. "((This plaque is to honor the hundreds of brave souls who lost their lives along with the Golden Oaks Library.))"

"((Wow, hundreds?))" the mare said, her head pulling back slightly. "((I was told that no one died during that Tirek crisis thing, I guess everyone back home heard wrong.))"

Actually, she'd be kinda right, yet kinda wrong. It was true that hundreds of lives went with the tree, but I wasn't going to be telling this mare that all of those lives lived in a beehive and that this little memorial was commissioned by Fluttershy...

I then stood up and immediately started clapping my hands, gaining my tour group's attention. "((Alright everyone, I hope you all have a sweet-tooth, because we're gonna make a stop at Ponyville's famous Sugarcube Corner before heading to the princess's castle.))"

"Awww, yeees," I uttered as I laid flat on a couch, using my balled up blue coat as a pillow while I stretched my arms towards the ceiling. After finishing today's tours, I made it back to the building rented by Sight-see for her company's use and decided to lounge in the break-room for a quick breather.

I wasn't the only one here, as two other guides were also present. The one feeding bits into the break-room's vending machine was a French-speaking unicorn stallion by the name of Pierre, whose light-brown coat perfectly complimented his blonde mane and tail, while his cutie mark was the image of a stone pillar with a chisel and hammer ready to carve into it. The other, who was sitting over at the table with a cup of coffee in her hooves, was a Japanese-speaking pegasus mare whose name was Sora; she was light-blue with a short-cut cloud-grey mane and tail, and her cutie mark was that of a single feather drifting over the image of a rain-cloud.

"Hey, uh, do either of you have an extra bit? I'm one short," said Pierre with surprisingly little accent as he looked from Sora to me.

"Sorry, Pierre," I said, giving him a shrug and a small smile. "Well's run dry today." That was a lie. I did have some bits in my pocket given to me by the tourist as tips, but there was a reason I wasn't spotting him.

Pierre rolled his eyes, then turned to Sora. "Sora?"

Without looking at him, Sora released an irritated sigh before using a wing to reach into her coat's pocket then pulled it out moments later with a bit balanced in-between two of her feathers. "Here," she said as she tossed the bit at Pierre with a flick of her wing, then took a sip of her coffee.

Pierre caught the bit in mid-air with his magic, then smiled at Sora as he fed it into the machine. "Thanks, Sora; you're always sweet on me."

Sora looked away from her coffee and gave Pierre an annoyed look. "Yeah? Well you still owe me for all those other times I've been 'sweet on you'."

Before punching in the number code for the snack he wanted, Pierre turned to Sora while leaning his side against the machine. "Oh, well I was hoping for when you might ask that." Pierre flashed her a toothy grin before saying, "How does dinner and a movie sound?"

Sora rolled her eyes while releasing an amused scoff. "Those would sound lovely...if they weren't with you... I think I'd have a better time with Maurice here instead." I winced while uttering a silent 'Oooh'.

Shot down again, Pierre... Well, buck up, champ, and keep at it; after all, you and Sora...I ship it.

"Oh come on, Sora," I spoke as I grinned at her. "Throw Pierre a bone, even if it's just a pity date."

"I could do pity," Pierre said with a quick nod.

Sora used a wing to the rub the bridge of her nose as she said something in Japanese. "((You@#$%^&*!@#$idiots...))"

I then turned to Pierre before lightheartedly saying, "Aw...she thinks we're idiots. That, or she called us cows in Spaneighish."

Sora sighed before giving me an unamused look. "Right, I forgot that you speak a little Neighponese..."

"Yup," I smugly said as I crossed my arms over my chest.

It was true that I could speak a little Japanese, but I only knew the most basic of words and sentences since I only completed Japanese 1 and 2 back at the college before getting zapped here. The reason I chose to learn Japanese in the first place was because I wanted to be able to watch anime without needing to read the English captions; it kinda worked, but I could only pick up bits and pieces of what would be said, plus it probably doesn't help that I'm extremely out of practice, dulling what few skills I had with the language. As for French however, the only words I knew were baguette, omelette du fromage, and ménage à trois--that last one causes Pierre to giggle each time I ask for its meaning.

Right before Pierre was about to say something, the door opened and Sight-see walked in, causing me to quickly sit up on the couch, and the other two to go silent.

"Gentlemare and stallions..." Sight-see said, her facial expression stern and her gaze hard as she slowly looked from me to the others then back again. "It's the end of the week, so you all know what that means..." My breathing quickened and I could feel my heart beating in my chest as I awaited for her to continue. "It's time," she reached a hoof into her coat then pulled out three sealed envelopes from it, "for your paychecks!" she cheerfully yelled with a smile, completely destroying the hard-assed boss facade she likes to sometimes pull.

At the sight of our paychecks, Pierre, Sora and I all cheered before jumping together into a group hug as confetti rained over us, multiple camera flashes went off, and the song We Are The Champions by Queen was being played...or...maybe we all just humble accepted our checks and I was only one of us who wished for that to have happened...

After cashing a portion of my paycheck and depositing the rest into my account, I made my way home as I chewed on an apple I purchased along the way from Applejack. I don't know how, but the fruit in this world is...is freaking delicious! Each bite I took from this apple came with a satisfying crunch sound as well as a torrent of juicy flavor washing over my taste-buds, making me question what the hell I've been eating all of my life back on Earth! However, despite all this, there was still an empty feeling inside of me; a deep, cavernous void that could only be filled by...cheeseburgers.

Even though I sprinkle most of my food with the powdered remains of chew-able tablets composed of the necessary animal proteins my body needs, given to me in a bottle by Twilight after she gives me a check up, I still craved a nice steak. It sucks being an omnivore in a herbivore's world, as the craving got so bad, that a few minutes ago, I actually considered asking Applejack if any of her cows, pigs, or chickens have committed any crimes against Equestria and deserve to be on death-row, possibly giving me my meat fix.

I sighed, then took one final, hearty bite of my apple before tossing the core in a nearby trash bin. As I chewed, I tried not to imagine a nice...c-charbroiled burger...with, with a sesame-seed bun and the patty just slathered in thousand island sauce, all held in the hands of a gorgeous supermodel wearing nothing but a bikin--wait.... I think I'm confusing this with a commercial I saw back home... Shit, I think meat isn't the only thing I'm craving...

I then shook my head, trying to Etch-a-sketch those thoughts away. When I stopped, I realized I had made it home, as the house was right ahead of me. Right as I made it to the door and started reaching my hand towards it, I heard a familiar voice coming from behind.

"Hey, Maurice!"

I smiled before turning around to face the source of the voice. "Hey, Ditzy," I said with a friendly wave as I greeted her.

Ditzy, she was a gray pegasus with a blonde mane and tail, yellow eyes, and had what appeared to be the image of bubbles as a cutie mark, also, there was one final note-worthy detail about her...it was about her eyes...well, lets just say that one of them is focused on me and the other...isn't... She was also the local mail-mare, which, if you didn't know, was made obvious by the blue mail-mare uniform she was wearing, as well as the brown totem bag hanging over her shoulder that was filled to the brim with mail.

Lowering my eyes to Ditzy's side, I saw that she wasn't alone; besides her was her daughter, Dinky. Dinky was a young unicorn filly who was a pale purple and whose mane, tail, and eyes were the same color as her mother's; as for cutie mark however, she had none. I saw that Dinky was also carrying a brown bag, but hers was filled with rolled up newspapers, which made sense since she delivered them as a part-time job. Since their jobs both required them to go from door to door, the mother-daughter duo would often make their rounds together.

I then walked up to the two, got on my knee, and started ruffling Dinky's hair. "And hello to you too, Dinky!"

"Maurice, stop!" Dinky giggled as she tried to playfully swat my hands away. As she squealed, she turned to her mother for assistance. "Mom, make him stop!"

Ditzy slyly smiled. "I don't know, sweetie..." She then lowered herself and began nuzzling her daughter's hair with her face as she said, "Humans just know cute when they see it!"

"Mom!" Dinky yelled as she laughed, trying to force my hands away as well as her own mother.

After deciding that that was enough teasing, I got up, patted off the dirt from around the knees of my black business pants, then spoke to Ditzy.

"So, Ditzy, ya here to drop off the mail?"

The mail-mare stopped her daughter-nuzzling, then turned to me. "Mhmm," she sounded with a nod before opening her bag, securing some envelopes in her mouth, then offering them to me as she tried to speak around them. "Herr yah goh."

I accepted the envelopes, then began looking through them.

"Bill...bill...coupons...restaurant menus...I may have already won a million bits....'nother bill...aaand," I inspected the last envelope at both sides before stating, "huh, it's from the program..." Has it been a month already? If it was from the program, then there was only one thing it could be. As if the envelope was a baby lion and I was at the edge of some cliff, I held the envelope up as I happily exclaimed, "Yes! This is just what we needed!" I turned to Ditzy and Dinky, then wrapped them up in a hug that I just had to release. "Thank you!" I said to the two.

"Uh...you're welcome?" the both of them said in unison as they patted my back.

After an awkward moment or two, Dinky said, "Are you gonna let go, Maurice?"

"Oh, right." I let go of the two, got up, then gave them a sheepish smile as I nervously rubbed the back of my head. "Heh heh...sorry..."

Ditzy rolled her eyes--which in that split second, were both focused in one direction--as she lightly shook her head. "Well, we'll see you later, Maurice. We have some more deliveries to make before I have to leave Dinky with the sitter."

"That's right!" Dinky called out before she leaned in, blocked her mother from her sight with a hoof, then said in a mock whisper, "Mom's got a date with Time Turner tonight~"

Ditzy's face blushed before she pulled her daughter back. "Oh don't go around telling ponies that!" she scolded with slight embarrassment in her tone.

"What?" Dinky said with a shrug. "I think he's a good influence on you."

"Hey, who's the mom here?!" Ditzy rhetorically asked before patting her chest with a hoof. "I am, so lets just finish our deliveries already."

"Fine," Dinky said with a roll of her eyes and head as she made a few steps towards the neighboring cottage, only to stop when her mother called her name.

"Dinky... Are you forgetting something?"

Dinky turned back to her mom. "What? What could I be forge--oh!" She then walked up to me and used her magic to pull out one of the newspapers from her bag before floating it over to me. "Here you go, Maurice."

"Well thank you, Dinky," I said as I took hold of the newspaper. I removed the rubber-band that kept it rolled up, unfurled it, then gave the headliner for The Daily Equestrian a quick skim.

SEVERAL MONTH-LONG SPEAKEASY CASE DROPPED
DUE TO LACK OF EVIDENCE AS WELL AS THE JURY MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARING

Huh, well this ought to be an interesting read. I folded the newspaper in half, placed it and the rest of the mail under my armpit and secured it there, then started fishing around in one of my pockets.

"Here you go, Dinky," I said as I pulled out a bit, then offered it to her.

Her face lit up before the bit was surrounded in a golden aura then floated into her bag. "Thanks, Maurice!" she yelled as she went to go join her mother, the two of them waving at me as they walked away.

I waved back, and once they were far enough away, I turned back to the door, opened it, then walked in.

"Hello?" I called, checking to see if Vinyl or Octavia were home. Seconds later, the door to Vinyl's room opened before the unicorn herself stuck her head out.

"Oh, sup, Maurice. Octy's probably still at the club. Ya just got off work?" she asked.

I walked over to the living room, dropped the newspaper and mail atop of the coffee table, removed my blue coat and draped it over one of the couch's armrests, leaving me in just my white collared long sleeved shirt, black tie and business pants, then plopped my butt onto the couch before releasing a satisfied sigh. "Ehyup," I said towards the ceiling. "Had a busy day sellin' tours and tour accessories I tell ya hwhut."

Vinyl stepped out of her room, then stared at me with curious amusement. "What? Is that ah...another human reference thingy?"

I rested my back against the couch, then let my body go limp as I started to slide down sideways. Once I rested horizontal on the couch, I grinned at Vinyl before gesturing at myself and saying, "Oh Vinyl, draw me like one of your Prench girls~"

She lightly chuckled. "You hoomans are freaking weird sometimes."

"Hey," I said as I pointed at her. "That's racie--eh," my eyes scanned around the room before I picked a better fitting word, "specie-ist..."

Vinyl mirthfully rolled her eyes with a shrug. "Eh, whatev's." She looked to the front door, then to me. "So I think I heard you yelling something outside, ya mind filling me in?"

Oh, right. I coughed into my hand before I sat up on the couch, held out the envelope towards her, then wavered it as I said in a singsong tone, "Guess what probably came in the mail today~"

A magical aura enveloped the envelope before Vinyl floated it over to herself. Once it was close enough, without even reading the return address, she ripped the top section off, then pulled out what was inside. From where I was sitting, it looked like a check, and once Vinyl's eyes finished skimming it, her jaw dropped.

"Holy crap," was all she said for a while, her eyes constantly fixated on the check, and her mouth moving but no words being uttered. Soon enough, she remembered how to speak again. "M-Maurice...you need to have some of your hooman friends move in here with us...we have more than enough for this month's rent, and then some!"

I half scoffed, half laughed, thinking that that was a funny thought. Pfft, like we have any more rooms for them; I'm not sharing, so just for the lulz, I'd probably arrange for Chris to move in with Lyra as that live-in-butler she wanted, then have Will live with...I don't know...uh, Rainbow Dash, I guess.

"Well we should celebrate," I said as I loudly clasped my hands together.

"Fuck yeah we should celebrate!" Vinyl yelled. "We should go out for burritos or something!"

I managed to stop my inner Mexican from having me stereotypically say 'Fuck yeah, burritos!', as I thought of something better than what Vinyl suggested.

"Actually," I said with a shrug. "I was thinking more along the lines of pizza."

"...Or we could go for pizza," Vinyl spoke, saying that as if she were the one to come up with the idea.

I had my pointer finger half-raised and my mouth half-open, ready to call her out on stealing my idea, but instead I decided it was best not to argue and just roll with it. "Yeah...great idea..." I reluctantly said before I got up from the couch, then made my way for the front door.

"Where are you going?" Vinyl asked as she looked at me with a raised brow. "We can just order to have it delivered."

I stared at her in disbelief. "You can do that?!" How were we going to order it? As far as I knew, Equestria had no phones. "How?" I asked.

She made an amused huff before she walked over to the coffee table and started sifting through the rest of the mail. "See this?" Vinyl asked as she levitated one of the restaurant menus, this one being for a pizza parlor. "Just look it over for what you want, then I'll tell you how we're...gonna..." To my confusion, Vinyl had become silent, and I noticed that her gaze was on the newspaper that was now unearthed from the mound of mail it was under.

Ten seconds later, I placed my hand on her shoulder and lightly shook her. "Vinyl?" I asked, seeming to snap her out of her trance-like state.

"Oh, uh..." She looked at me, then gave a grin. "Sorry, zoned out for a second there. Uh, like I said, just look over the menu, pick out what you'd like, and then I'll show you how we're gonna order it. While you do that," she made a move for the kitchen, "I'm just gonna...grab something to drink real quick."

"Um...alright," I said in a questioning tone, suspicious over Vinyl's slight change in behavior; she seemed...I don't know, strange. After a few seconds, I dropped that thought, as I was probably over-thinking things. I started reading from the menu, seeing colorful illustrations of the ingredients right next to their names. However, when I neared the end of the menu, I noticed that the pictures had stopped when I got to a smaller boxed off area labeled 'Carnivore's Section'. I reread it multiple times just to make sure I wasn't crazy.

"Uh...Vinyl?" I called into the kitchen.

"Yeah?" I heard her say.

"Is there a meat section in this menu?"

"Oh, uh, yeah," she answered. "It's for griffons and diamond dogs and other stuff like that; they're usually prepared by those species since most ponies wouldn't feel comfortable if they had to."

I was about to question where they got their meat, but decided that it would be better if I didn't know and chose to stick with my previous mentality of criminally insane death-row farm animals.

After giving the bland carnivore section a quick scan, I was about to tell Vinyl what I'd want, but didn't when I whiffed something in the air. It was a thick smell that stung at the back of my nose and smelled a lot like...SMOKE! Quickly deducing that it was coming from the kitchen, I ran into it and saw that Vinyl was standing before the kitchen's metal waste basket that had something burning in it.

My eyes quickly jumped from her to the small fire before I yelled, "Vinyl, the fuck!?"

She rolled her eyes as she said, "Oh relax!" She used her magic to move the waste basket into the sink, then turned the faucet on, putting out the flames with a short sizzle.

Immediately, I opened the kitchen window, grabbed my coat off of the couch, then used it to fan out what remained of the smoke. "The hell was that?!" I questioned after a few coughs before I peeked into the waste basket to see the remains of a soaked, blackened and scorched newspaper.

With her forelegs resting atop the sink, Vinyl sighed before saying, "There's something you should know about me, Maurice."

"Yeah?" I asked as I considered the possibility that maybe I wasn't over-thinking things after all.

"I..." she turned to me, then quickly finished with a shrug, "like to burn things."

I slowly crossed my arms over my chest as I gave her a questioning gaze. "You...like to burn things?" I skeptically asked, my brow gradually raising.

"Mhmm," she sounded with a nod. "I'm a big ol' pyro; if it burns, I've burned it!"

I got this feeling that she wasn't being truthful, but then again...it'd be a misconception if I said that Vinyl wasn't one for doing things like this on a whim. Heck, last week, Vinyl 'borrowed' one of Pinkie's party cannons that she keeps stashed around town and tried to convert it into a, quote unquote, 'Bass Cannon'; the thing was just a regular cannon with bits of wiring and old turntable parts that Vinyl just slap-dashed onto it with tape and glue, when she fired it out back, the shrapnel launched from the thing nearly took my head off...

I made a deep cleansing sigh before reaching into the waste basket and pulling out what little that survived of the newspaper. I then gestured at it, saying, "Well the next time you feel like burning the newspaper, ya mind at least sparing me the comic section?"

"Will do, but no promises," she said with a quick salute.

"Anyway," I said as I dropped the newspaper back into the waste basket. "I chose what I'd want on the pizza, so how are we going to order it?"

"Oh, right." Vinyl then used her magic to retrieve the pizza menu that I left on the kitchen table.

"You're not gonna burn that too, are you?" I asked, causing her to grin.

Vinyl then took the time to carefully explain how we would be ordering pizza without leaving the house, and from what she described, it sounded very similar to a method Twilight uses when she sends letters to Celestia. Basically, restaurant menus sent through the mail usually come with sheets of enchanted paper attached to the back. All we had to do was rip one of the sheets out, write down what we'd like to order on it, burn it with any available source of flame, then wait as it reappears at the establishment's place it came from where someone will look it over, have it prepared, then sent; in short, it was text messaging in physical form.

Minutes later, Vinyl turned on the stove, then floated our filled out order sheet over the lit burner where it went up in embers quicker than I expected. Another minute later, the stove made a ding noise before I watched Vinyl with confusion as she opened the oven section of the stove and pulled out a small note from it; it was from the pizza parlor, telling us that our order has been confirmed and that they thanked us for choosing their establishment.

"Huh," I uttered as I looked at the note in a strange combination of intrigue and bewilderment.

"Sooo the pizza should be here within thirty minutes or so," Vinyl said as she used her hoof to move a stray strand of her hair from over her eyes.

"Great," I said as I walked into the living room. "So what do we do until then?"

I then heard Vinyl say from behind, "Oh, I can think of a few things..."

"Like wha--" The second I turned around, Vinyl tackled into me, knocking me onto the couch before she started trying to get a hold of my head with her hooves. So I guess the answer to my interrupted question is what we usually do when we're bored with nothing to do: roughhouse.

I managed to force Vinyl off, then shoved her a few feet away. I got up from the couch, rolled up my sleeves, then held my arms wide apart as I yelled, "Come at me br--oh God, you're coming at me..." I shut my eyes and tensed my muscles as I braced myself for her incoming tackle...

"Ok...do it again," I said with a smile on my face as Vinyl and I were on the floor, the both of us slightly out of breath from our earlier tussle as we laid our backs and stared at the ceiling that was slowly changing color from orange to red due to the sunset shining through the house's windows.

"Alright, hold on." Vinyl coughed into her hoof a few times before her horn glowed, causing her voice to change in pitch and tone. "HoOoOw AbOuUt THIIIS?" She coughed into her hoof again. "Better? Testing, one, two."

"Oh my God!" I exclaimed in a near fan-boy squeal as I slapped my cheeks with my hands. I flipped myself onto my stomach, then stared at Vinyl with a goofy grin on my face. "You sound just like Morgan Freeman!"

One thing that I leaned about this world, is that most unicorns have a certain specialty when it comes to their magic; that specialty is usually associated with their professions, such as entertainers being able to cast dazzling light shows, Rarity's ability to just poof seemingly random fabrics together to make clothing, or in Twilight's case, just magic in general. Vinyl's however, was sound magic, which I found out was her specialty when she one day made me sound like I was being auto-tuned while I was singing in the shower--she claimed that it was the only way to keep her ears from bleeding... Anyway, it took a while, but I finally succeeded after guiding her into raising or lowering her pitch until I heard that majestic, golden voice of one of my favorite actors again.

Vinyl rolled her eyes with a shrug. "I have no idea who this 'Morgan Freeman' is, or why you have such a raging boner for the guy; just sounds like an old man to me, but eh, whatever floats your boat."

I pointed at her accusingly. "Hey! ...If I did go gay for someone, it'd be for his voice--and I'm probably not alone in this; that man could read laundry tags and make them sound interesting!"

I was about to rant some more, but a knock at the door stopped me.

"Oh, pizza's here," Vinyl said as we both got up from the floor.

"Alright," I said as I retrieved the bits for the pizza off the kitchen table. "I got this."

I went to the door, opened it, then spotted at the other side what appeared to be a teenage stallion wearing the pony equivalent of a pizza delivery uniform and hat. He was a unicorn and had the pizza bag balanced on his back; also he'd probably seen me around town giving tours before, as he didn't seem intimidated in the slightest by the sight of me.

"He's your pizza," the stallion said as he floated out three pizza boxes from his bag, one each for Octavia, Vinyl, and myself.

After giving him the bits, plus tip, he gave me the pizza. "Thanks ma--" Morgan Freeman's voice cut me off.

"Oh, my little hooman~! Aren't you gonna come back to bed and diddle my nethers again something fierce?"

My jaw dropped before I darted my head back, looking into the house but failing to see Vinyl; I could instantly tell that she was saying all that from the kitchen! With wide eyes, I quickly turned back to the delivery boy and saw that he was giving me a look, not one of fear or worry, but a questioning one.

Holding the pizzas at my side, I raised my free hand defensibly. "No, dude! It's not what you thin--"

"Is that a young, strapping gentlestallion caller with you at the door, honeybuns? Would he like to join in? We've got plenty of tapioca pudding left~! Does he like Bingo? Oh we should tell him about that magical first-meeting we had at the local Bingo tournament in the senior citizens' lodge."

I was speechless, I tried to explain to the delivery boy, but all that escaped from my mouth was incomprehensible noise; the fact that I was still a bit sweaty and red from my roughhousing with Vinyl probably didn't help...

"Listen man," the stallion nervously said as he began to slowly back away. "Whatever you do with whoever of whatever age is none of my business...I-I got some other pizzas to deliver, so..." He turned around, then power walked away.

I closed the door, turned around in one robotic movement, then said out loud, "Son of a bitch, Vinyl... I'll get you for this..."

I heard her regular voice laughing from the kitchen...

After eating four pizza slices with extra cheese and sauce, as well as pepperoni and sausage for toppings, my meat fix was satiated for now. I laid back on the couch and patted my belly while Vinyl sat besides me, eating her second pizza slice that had bits of hay-bacon atop of it; she didn't seem to mind one bit that I was eating meat besides her, as she stated earlier that she knew some griffons back in Canterlot who she would often have lunch with.

I then reached towards the pizza boxes on the coffee table for another slice, but paused when I realized that one more would most likely give me stomach problems for the rest of the day. Wanting to save the rest for later, I picked my box up then carried it over to the fridge where I placed it in inside. Right when I was about to close the fridge, I noticed a brown paper bag sitting at the top shelf. Out of curiosity, I pulled it out, opened it, then looked inside where I found a water bottle, two apples, and a plastic wrapped PB&Hay sandwich. I sighed, realizing who this belonged to.

I walked back into the living room, then held the bag up as I said, "Tavi forgot her lunch."

Vinyl looked at it, then spoke in-between chews of her pizza. "Sheriously? Ockty's prohbabl--" She swallowed. "Octy's probably been starving this whole time, and she still has to be at that club for another hour and a half..."

My eyes scanned the floor below me, then shifted towards the two remaining pizza boxes on the coffee table before I came to a decision. With a confused look on her face as she ate, Vinyl watched as I grabbed Tavi's pizza box, then pulled out two slices from it before wrapping them in tinfoil and placing them in the paper bag.

With the bag held firmly in my hand, I made for the front door, then heard Vinyl say, "You're gonna bring her her lunch, aren't cha?" Without looking back at her, I raised my arm and gave the thumbs up as I walked out of the house.

It was already night by the time I reached the jazz club Tavi played at. It was a modern looking building that easily stood out from the crowd of cottages that surrounded it, what with its finely polished black-painted walls, crimson roof, and flashing neon sign above the entrance that read 'The Hoof Tapper~' followed by the moving image of a hoof raised one second, then slammed down the next.

Just as I neared the entrance, a burly earthpony bouncer stood before me, blocking me. He had his hoof raised as he looked me top to bottom, and I knew why; The Hoof Tapper had a dress code, which I think is pretty silly since walking around naked is considered normal for ponies--you can not believe the amount of times I had to awkwardly avert my eyes when a pony drops something, then bends down to pick it up in front of me. Anyway, what the bouncer was looking for was formal wear, which I think my white collared shirt, black tie and business pants--which was three-fourths of my tour guide uniform, by the way--was close enough fit their criteria since he gave me a pass. As I walked in, I straightened my tie with a smile; while all the other kids wanted to walk around with their snapback hats and saggy jeans, I was the only one who wanted to wear a nice suit, as I was more into class than...ugh...'Swag'...

After being welcomed by a mare in the greeting room, I walked past another set of doors and entered a large, brightly lit room with polished hardwood flooring, red-painted walls, tables with candles in glass holders atop them, and finally, a bar at one side of the room and a stage at the other. Looking around, I could see that most of the tables were filled by pony couples wearing some form of attire or another; most of the stallions simply wore a tie-vest combo, while the mares wore dresses that better complimented their fur or mane color.

I made a few steps forward, but soon stopped when I noticed that the lights were dimming and music was playing from somewhere. Following the music, I turned to the stage were the curtains were slowly being pulled back, revealing a charcoal-black unicorn mare with a silver mane and tail who was wearing a black dress darker than her fur as she slowly walked onto center stage where a mic on a stand was. Once it was dark enough, a panel on the ceiling slid away, uncovering a sunroof and allowing a pillar of moonlight to act as a spotlight over the mare, perfectly illuminating her while turning the jazz band near the back of the stage into silhouettes, one of which I instantly recognized as Octavia's.

As Tavi was plucking Marchello's strings, the mare at the mic started to sing into it with a silvery voice. Captivated by what I was hearing, I took a seat at the nearest empty table and enjoyed the performance as the unicorn mare sang, judging by the lyrics, about a falling out she had with a pegasus girlfriend.

Eventually, and much to my disappointment, the song ended, causing the audience to clop their hooves together while I simply clapped my hands as the curtains began to close and the room got brighter again. A minute or two later, a door labeled 'Backstage' opened with the unicorn mare and the band stepping out, as well as Octavia. Her head was hanging low, but once she raised it, she spotted me, then approached with a confused look on her face.

"Maurice?" she asked, standing at the other end of the table. "What are you doing here?"

"What?" I said with a smile and shrug. "Am I not allowed to listen to the best cello player ever? Also, they obviously messed up the lighting here, 'cause the spotlight somehow ended up on the singer instead of you."

She looked away, then released a short giggle into her hoof before facing me again. "Oh, Maurice, you charmer you," she said with a smile as she gave a dismissive wave before pulling a chair out and sitting on it. "But in all seriousness, why are you here?"

With a grin, I pulled out the brown bag from under the table, then slid it over to her.

Her eyes lit up when it stopped inches way from her. "Wait, could this be?" she asked as she began to open it, a smile forming on her mouth when she saw what was inside. With a quizzical expression, she looked to me and said, "It's my lunch...and you brought it?"

I didn't get why she was sounding so surprised. "Uh, yeah...I found it in the fridge after I got home, and I just wasn't comfortable with the thought of you starving until you got off work."

With her forelegs, Tavi practically hugged the bag to her chest as she flashed me another smile. "Thank you, Maurice; I've been positively famished!"

I grinned as I gave her the go-ahead gesture, queuing her to just shut up and eat already. Receiving my hint, Tavi took the apples from the bag and scarfed them down with loud crunches, the closest I'd ever get to seeing her eat without 'proper etiquette'. When she then reached into the bag again, her face turned to one of confusion when she pulled out the pizza slices wrapped in tinfoil.

"What's this?" she asked before unwrapping them. "Pizza?"

With one hand flat on the table, I placed the other behind my neck as I pushed myself back a bit. "Yeeeah, Vinyl and I ordered three pizzas, one for each of us."

Tavi tilted her head to the side while giving me a puzzled look. "Wait, you ordered not just one pizza...but three?" I nodded. "Maurice!" she said in a near half-shout. "That's irresponsible! You know we can't afford to go around spending bits like that, we're on a budget!"

I folded my arms. "Yeah, and I say 'screw the budget' 'cause the bits from the program just came in; no more of us living solely off of peanutbutter and jelly--or in your case: hay--sandwiches from here on out!"

"What?" she asked, forcing me to repeat myself in greater detail.

"Apparently I've been with you guys for a month now since a check from the program that sent me here just came in today; and after taking a look at how much we got, I think the check alone can cover most, if not all of the rent for this month, leaving us with sending money for once. So why not celebrate with some pizza? I think we more than deserve it."

Tavi smiled at me while giving a small sigh of relief, and possibly disbelief. "Well that's...that's wonderful news, and you're right, we should treat ourselves; I for one know that I've grown sick of eating PB&Hay for weeks straight." She made movements to get out of her seat as she said, "I guess I'll start by allowing myself a glass of wine to go with this pizza."

I raised a hand, gesturing for her to stop. "Nah, you stay right there and continue eating." I got up from my seat. "I'll get it, plus, I could go for something fancy as well."

She moved a hoof to her chest as she made a lighthearted scoff. "Maurice, you're such a gentlestallion."

Grinning, I gave her a bow before heading over to the bar. Once I got there, I leaned on the counter as I said to the barkeeper, "Two glasses of wine, please."

Right as the barkeep confirmed my request with a nod, another stallion walked up beside me, placed his forelegs on the counter, then raised one as he said, "Eh, the same thing, please."

As I waited for the wine, I could see through the corner of my eye that the stallion was turning to me. "Oh no, it's you again," he said with slight exasperation in his tone.

My face grimaced in confusion before I turned to him. "Me again?" I asked him, now seeing that he was a tan earthpony with a brown mane and tail, his cutie mark being an hourglass, and also that he was wearing a white shirt collar around his neck as well as a green tie.

"Ohhh don't play coy with me," he said while pointing at me and giving a stern look. "If you've come to pester me again for another free ride, you'd be sorely mistaken." I didn't respond, as I just stared at him in a state of constant confusion, knowing full well that there was no way this could be a case of mistaken identity since, well...I'm the only human in this world. The stallion then released an amused huff before continuing. "Oh don't give me that look--all though you're very convincing, what with the raised brow and slightly ajar mouth, almost like you honestly have no idea what I'm talking about..." As if he came to a realization, his eyes slowly started to widened. "Because you honestly don't know what I'm talking about..." He then looked away as he muttered, "Whoops, almost caused a paradox there..."

"Uh?" I uttered, regaining his attention.

"Eh, sorry," he said with a forced smile. "Had myself a few too many pints is all," he raised his hoof and wavered it, "been known to drone on and on about nonsensical nonsense when on the sauce." The bartender then placed four wine glasses on the counter in-between me and this really weird but familiar sounding guy... "Eh, what do you know!' the stallion exclaimed as he pointed at the wine glasses. "Guess I'm feeling very talkative today," he patted his chest twice with a hoof, "they're good for the ol' tickers--er, ticker--singular."

"Oookay..." I awkwardly said to the stallion as I picked up the wine glasses after paying for them. "Uh, nice talking with you...I guess..." He just nodded with a nervous looking smile before I walked back to Octavia, thinking along the way, That was weird...also, from the way he talked, as well as that cutie mark and David Tennent-sounding voice, it kinda makes me think if Equestria has its own version of the Doc--no, that's just silly, I mean, that was just a show...

After giving Octavia her wine, I sat back down and was about to sip from my own when I noticed the strange stallion was walking with the wine he ordered balanced on his back as he made his way to a table where a gray pagasus mare was seated who was wearing a scarlet dress--wait, Ditzy?! Wait, hold on, wait a minute...that's Time Turner?!

"You know, you really didn't have to," Octavia said for possibly the third time as I walked her home, Marchello in its case and slung over my shoulder by the strap.

"It's fine, really, not a problem," I answered, shifting Marchello into a more comfortable position.

As she walked, Octavia lowered her gaze to the ground and gave her head a quick shake before speaking. "But I mean it, really, you could have just gone home after leaving me my lunch, there was no need for you to stay until I was done playing for the day."

"Why would I?" I asked as I trudged by her side. "I was having a great time; the atmosphere was nice, I found out that the wine in this world is better than what's made back at mine--must be the grapes, and the music was fantastic." I lightly tapped her side with a grin. "You know, cause of yours truly."

I think I caught a blush on her face before she turned away. "Oh, I, uh...I-I'm not, I'm not deserving of such praises."

I faced forward and lightheartedly scoffed. "Well you obviously think too little of yourself and your skill; you're great, and I'm not saying that because we live together where it would be easier for you to place me in a headlock like you sometimes do to Vinyl if I said you were bad."

Tavi turned to me, then shook her head. "No, no I wouldn't do that to you." She broke into a grin. "Your maturity far exceeds Vinyl's, so I know that all I would do to you is give a few choice words; it's Vinyl who would require, and if judging by her constant behavior, possibly enjoys physical discipline."

I stifled a laugh, as deep within the confines and inner recess of my mind, a voice said, 'Giggity'.

Minutes later, we finally made it back with the house right in front of us. As Tavi walked up to the entrance, she stopped with her hoof at the door before turning back to me and speaking.

"You know, I also had a great time as well; it was enjoyable being able to talk with someone in-between performances for once."

"Well I'm glad the feeling was mutual then," I said with a hand at my waist.

She smiled at me before turning back to the door, however, she made no further move to open it, and instead, I heard her say, "We should...we should do this again sometime; just you and me, spending more time together outside of the house..."

After hearing her say that, I jokingly replied with, "Now, call me crazy, but I think that kinda sounded like you just asked me out on a date."

Her body tensed before she turned back to me, her ears flattened as she tried to force a smile. "Eh? N-No, of course not, I'm just suggesting that...that--oh who am I kidding?" She sighed towards the ground before looking at me again. "It's just that you've been such a gentlestallion, and it's been a...awhile since I've last seen somepony, so I simply thought--oh forgive me, Vinyl's brashness must be rubbing off on me! J-Just forget that I've said anything!" She quickly opened the door and was about to head in, but stopped in her tracks when I said something.

"You know...I...didn't say no."

"What?" Tavi questioned as she turned back to me, her expression in a state of disbelief.

I inhaled, then breathed out my nose as I placed a hand at the back of my head while I scanned the ocean of stars above. I was silent for a few seconds before speaking again. "I...guess it's been a while for me as well, and uh...I do like you, and I know I'm not getting home anytime soon, so I," I sighed, "I guess I have to make the best out of a bad situation." My eyes widened before I turned back to her, my hands raised defensibly. "Wait, that didn't exactly come out how I wanted it to! I'm not saying that you're a bad situation or anything like that, it's just tha--"

Tavi cut me off with a light giggle. "No, I understand what you're trying to say, and no offence was taken."

I relaxed a bit. "Oh, uh, phew," I said as I wiped my forehead of imaginary sweat. A minute must of gone by of us just averting our gazes from each other before I eventually broke the ice. "Even if we did go through with this...doesn't this world have the same unspoken rule about not dating roommates?"

She nodded. "It does, but we're both mature adults here, so if things don't work out we could--oh this is going to sound very clichéd--but we could simply remain friends. Things might be awkward between us for a while, but I'm sure we can get passed it."

I rubbed the back of my neck. "Heh, I guess that sounds like a plan. So when do we have this uh...date?"

Tavi rubbed her chin with a hoof while in thought. "I guess a week from now would be nice; would give me plenty of time to plan it out."

I lightheartedly rolled my eyes with a scoff. "Excuse me, for you to plan it out? Isn't that up to the guy?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Maurice," she apologized...for some reason. "I had no idea you were one of those equal rights stallions, of course you can pick out where we'd go."

I just stared at her for a few seconds with a dumbfounded look on my face. Huh, I wonder what you'd call the male version of a feminist...

I then answered her with a shake of my head. "Eh, on second thought, you can decide."

"Oh, well, alright then." She turned back to the house, then looked back to me. "Normally I'd say 'See you in a week', but we both live here, so that'd be redundant; are we gonna head inside now?"

"Yeah, hold on," I replied, sliding off Marchello then handing it to her after noticing that I forgot to empty the trash can earlier that was by the side of the house. "I kinda forgot to take the trash to the cart earlier, so don't wait up while I go do that real quick."

"Well all right then," Tavi said as she walked into the house and closed the door behind her.

I then walked over to the trash can and picked it up before carrying it down the block where a large cart full of the neighborhood's discarded garbage was. Once a week, these garbage carts would pop up every few blocks were they would remain there as the townsponies dump their trash into them, then get hauled off the next morning to who knows where.

After quickly emptying the trash can's contents into the cart, I made my way back. Halfway home, I paused when I heard what sounded like trash cans being knocked over, coming from the alley I was passing. Looking into it, I thought I saw pair of golden eyes staring at me from the darkest section of the alley, shining from what little moonlight that shined into the narrow space.

Trying adjust my eyes to the dark, I called, "Lyra? Is that you?" If it was, this wouldn't be the first time she just so happened to run into me by coincidence. When my question went unanswered, I set the trash can down before cautiously stepping into the alley. "Lyra, if it is you, just go home already." As I talked, a cloud drifted over the moon, making everything completely dark for a few seconds, causing me to blindly stumble forward with my arm held out. When the moonlight came back, I stood where the eyes were and plunged my hand into the shadow, hoping to find that it was just a cat and not Lyra trying to stalk me again.

However, instead of fur, my hand brushed against cool brick. "Huh," I said to myself as I stepped back. "I guess it was just my imagina--"

Something slammed into me from behind, pinning me between it and the brick wall! With my face being forced against the wall, something grabbed one of my arms and painfully placed it at my back. Whoever it was, it couldn't be Lyra, because they then spoke with the voice of a woman slightly older than Vinyl and Octavia's that I didn't recognize.

"Well, well, well...this hold was designed to work against minotaurs; aren't I glad it works just as well on humans..."

I tried to free my arm, but each time I made a move, the woman pushed me harder against the wall and raised my arm higher up my back, causing it to feel as if it would pop out of its socket.

"Gah!" I yelped in pain, my free arm propped against the wall above my head. I turned as much as I could to get a look at my assailant.

My eyes widened, it was a gray furred mare with short, scarlet-red hair, and she was...she was a batpony. Her flared leathery wings were a dead giveaway, as well as her ear tips that ended in little fur tufts, pointy fangs, and her golden eyes that had vertically-slanted pupils. It wasn't the fact that she was a batpony that caused my eyes to widened, no, I've seen them plenty of times back at the castle; it was because she was wearing a blue police uniform. Looking at the police badge pinned to her left that was reflecting moonlight, I could see that the initials 'C.P.D.' were engraved on it, while on her right side was a tag that read 'M.Highground'.

"Wait!" I yelled through gritted teeth. "If this is about that party cannon, I had nothing to do with it! Eh, also, you can't arrest me if that's what you're trying to do!"

"And why not?" she asked with curiosity in her tone, her hold over me not loosening in the slightest.

No, no! Part of my brain that holds references, there's a time and a place for everything, but now is definitely not the-- "B-Because I'm... the Thane of Whiterun..."

Things were quiet between us for a few seconds before I received a kidney punch delivered by the mare's hoof that I may or may not have deserved. As I lurched forward, coughing onto the wall, the mare spoke. "I don't even know what that is." She then used her hoof to pull my head back as she spoke into my ear. "Besides, I'm not here to arrest you..."

"T-Then...w-what do you," I coughed, "want from me?"

"From you? Nothing. I just happen to know that you live with and are about to date a miss Octavia Melody." Wait, had she been following us?! Before I had the chance to question what she wanted with her, she continued. "Speakeasy's out, and if I could track Octavia down from Canterlot, then you can bet your flank that he'll have an easier time than I. And when he finds her," she said that while forcing my arm up higher, causing me to grit my teeth, "I'd like for you to make sure that she gives him this message for me." She then leaned into my ear and whispered, "You may have wormed your way out of the system for now, but don't think for one second that I, Moral Highground, won't be there the moment you slip up again."

Suddenly, my arm was released, and after frantically turning around, I found that the mare was gone. Fearing that she might come back, I ran out of the alley, then sprinted the rest of the way home, abandoning the trash can I brought by the side of the road. A minute later, I slammed the front door to the house open as I entered, then leaned against a wall as I held my side that still ached.

"Maurice!" Octavia yelled as both she and Vinyl approached me with surprised and worried eyes. "What happened?! You're a mess and you seem to be in pain!"

I took a few deep breathes so I could explain, but before I could, Vinyl tapped Octavia's side, then pointed through the front door I left open. Seconds later, Octavia's eyes widened in fear, and after turning around to face in the same direction as them, I could see why. Up on the building's roof opposite of our house, I could see the batmare from before, splaying her wings widely with the moon behind her in a Batman-esque fashion; despite her being partially silhouetted, her eyes still shone just as brightly as any light. Suddenly, she flapped her wings, then took off into the night sky.

"That happened," I said as my back slid down the wall.

With her eyes still frozen where the batpony was, Octavia quietly muttered, "Oh no...she's found us..."

Author's Notes:

Meanwhile, back at the Fortress of Solitude as Maurice was getting his shit kicked in.

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