"Not that this wasn't fun or anything, but I kinda have to go now," I said, trying to put my shirt back on.

After helping Twilight with filling her castle's library with books donated to her from ponies all over Equestria, she then brought me to a room that she repurposed to resemble a hospital's examination room. Twilight may not exactly have a doctorate, but she's skilled and knowledgeable enough in health and biology to give me weekly checkups in order to study my physiology and make sure I'm healthy--which was difficult for her to diagnose since there weren't exactly other humans to compare my health to.

"Hold on, Maurice," Twilight spoke, looking up from the clipboard held in her magic. "I just wanna--"

I made an exasperated sigh, cutting her off. "No, Twilight," I pleaded. "No more tests! You already took some of my blood, took a peak at my bones and organs with that X-ray spell of yours, checked my breathing, heartbeat, and--and you just had me turn my head and cough while you cupped my balls with your hooves earlier! What more could you possibly want from me?!"

Twilight raised a brow at me, confusion evident on her face. "But that's a standard test to check for--"

I cut her off again, my hands raised to my chest defensibly. "I know, I know, that's done back at my world too. It's just that..." I then rubbed the back of my head as I scanned the ceiling, my face getting warm and possibly red from having to recount what just transpired a few minutes ago. "You...you don't stop to take notes when all the unnecessary poking and prodding gives your patient an," I nervously coughed into my hand before quickly muttering, "an erection..."

"But that was for science," Twilight answered, saying that as if it wasn't a big deal.

I made sure my shirt was on the right way before I turned back to her and gave her a skeptical look. "Really, Twilight? For science? And why does 'science' want me to jerk into a plastic cup?"

"Well you were already erect," she replied with a roll of her eyes and a small shrug. "Plus, I have been planning at some point to examine your sper--" I raised a hand, stopping her mid-sentence.

"Ok, hold on, hold on, let me rephrase that... Why does science want me to jerk into a plastic cup...with you watching?"

She gawked at me before responding. "Maurice, you're an entirely new species; everything about your body must be documented!" As she was saying all that, she was kinda waving her clipboard around, giving me a peek at what was on it and causing me to snatch it from her magical grip. "Hey!" she exclaimed.

"Really, Twilight?!" I nearly yelled, aghast at what I was seeing written alongside her notes. "You even made a few doodles of my dick?!" She had drawn a few crude images of my penis with arrows pointing from one image to the next, showing it going from flaccid to half mast; the fact that I was embarrassed the whole time kept it from reaching its final form.

"Give me that!" she yelled as she snatched the clipboard back, then placed it against her chest and shielded it with her forelegs, as if she were a mother protecting her child from a bear. "The scientific community has to see this."

What? Scientific community?

"Twilight, no," I groaned, my hand covering my eyes as I looked down and shook my head. I then looked back at her and gave a tense smile. "Listen, Twilight, I'll...I'll give you my jizz," that...kinda sounded wrong, "but I don't want to see pictures of my dick on the cover of some science magazine." Since most ponies only came up to my shoulders when standing upright on their hindlegs--with the exception of Celestia--I lowered myself onto one knee so that Twilight and I were closer to eye level. "Sooo...do we...do we understand each other?"

Her eyes went from me to the clipboard a few times before she nodded.

I released a relieved sigh before saying, "Thank you, now I really have to--" I shut up when a plastic cup surrounded in a purple aura obstructed my vision. I shifted my head to the side and looked around the cup in order to raise a brow a Twilight. "Uh...I didn't mean now; I'm not exactly...in the mood..."

"That's fine," she calmly said. "Do it at your own leisure, but I do expect your sample by the end of the week, otherwise," she chuckled before smirking at me and finishing with, "the scientific community is gonna learn a lot more about human anatomy."

I opened my mouth to challenge her, but soon found that it was pointless to back out now; I either allow one alicorn princess a look at my uh...equipment, or all of Equestria. I sighed in defeat as I took hold of the floating cup, then got back up with a grunt. "Fine," I said begrudgingly, inspecting the cup at all angles, wondering if I'm supposed to use this cup specifically or if any other was acceptable--I really don't want to walk home with a cup in my hand that I know I'm gonna have to wank into at some point, do the deed, then make the walk of shame back to this castle.

"Good, so we're at an agreement then," Twilight smugly said. "Oh, and F.Y.I, if you didn't interrupt me earlier, I would have just asked how you were settling in with your new roommates."

Upon hearing that, my eye might have twitched and the jizz-cup probably cracked from the amount of pressure I was applying with my hand. Son of a bitch... I've dug my own grave there...

After convincing myself that the conversation about me being blackmailed for my sperm never happened, I answered. "Oh um...I'm settling in fine." I then set the cup atop a nearby stool and chose to forget that I ever held it before continuing. "Vinyl and Octavia are great; they've been nothing but nice to me so far, and the both of them even offered to help me with my job hunt today."

Twilight tilted her head to the side in confusion. "Wait, you're going to search for a job now? Isn't that a little too soon? I mean, you've just moved in with them four days ago."

"I know," I answered with a shrug. "But you kinda get motivated to get one when you're in the middle of a nice, warm shower, contemplating about the universe and the meaning of life, and right when you're thiiis close to finding the solution to all that," for emphasis, I had my hand raised with the end of my pointer finger inches away from my thumb, "you get a jet of freezing cold water to the chest and crotch..." I think Twilight might have been in a similar situation before, because her face grimaced a bit there.

"I...I see," said Twilight. "And is that why you seemed to be in a rush to get out of here?"

No, I just didn't want my balls fondled, but I wouldn't say that though, so instead, I responded with, "Yeah, have to meet up with the both of them back at the house; the sooner I get a job, the sooner we can enjoy warm showers again." I then walked towards the door, opened it, and stepped out into one of the castle's wide hallways. After looking down both ways, I turned back to Twilight. "Uh...where's the exit again?"

Twilight rolled her eyes with a smirk before stepping out of the room as well. "It's uh..." Her voice sounded unsure, and I got a bit worried when she mirrored my earlier action. "It's...it's this way," she finally said, pointing down one of the two choices. "Come on, I'll walk you out."

As I followed Twilight down a series of lefts and rights, I stayed close to her, out of fear of ending up lost in this labyrinth she called a home; seriously, she could hire a minotaur to guard the place and it'd be strangely fitting. Finally, and much to my relief, we made it to the castle's foyer, the main doors visible up ahead.

"Oh sweet Jeebus," I muttered to myself, walking past Twilight so I could open said doors myself. Once I started to push the double doors outwards, sunlight and the outside world slowly revealed itself to me, bit by bit. "Alright, Twilight, I guess I'll see you next wee--Octavia? Vinyl?" I was a bit surprised to see them at the other end, both bellow the small set of stairs.

"Oh," said Octavia. "We were just about to knock."

"What are you two doing here?" I asked. "I thought we were supposed to meet back at the house."

Vinyl nodded before responding. "We were, but man, you were taking forever to show. So we decided to meet you here."

"Oh," I said as I walked down the steps. "Well I guess you two saved me the trip back--"

"Are these your roommates?" Twilight asked, walking up to my side.

Octavia's eyes widened once she spotted Twilight. "Oh, uh, P-Princess Twilight!" she exclaimed before lowering herself to bow. With her head near the ground, she turned to the still standing Vinyl, then said with urgency, "Vinyl, bow!"

"Why? I didn't vote for her," Vinyl said with a shrug, causing Octavia to quickly force her into the bowing position along with her. "Hey!"

"F-Forgive my boorish friend here, Princess," Octavia said as she kept Vinyl pinned down with a forleg, the look on her face practically screaming 'Please don't banish her!'

Twilight covered her eyes with a hoof, then groaned before saying, "Please don't bow... And it's just Twilight."

It took Octavia a few seconds before she shot up off the ground. "Of course, pardon me, your highne--I mean, Twilight."

"Geez, Octy," Vinyl said once she got up, patting some dirt off her legs and making sure her shades were on straight. "Never knew you had a hard-on for royalty."

Twilight then pointed at Vinyl with a hoof. "Hey...I remember you. You preformed at the after-party of my brother's wedding."

Vinyl looked stumped before her face lit up. "Oh yeah...this was before you grew wings; you even sang while I was playing--which was top notch by the way. I think I have a recording of that song that I was planning on remixing at some point--wait... I'm not gonna get sued by you, am I?"

"If it's a good remix, then probably not," Twilight joked.

Vinyl smiled with a quick nod. "Sweet."

"Hmm," hummed Twilight, a hoof to her chin as she was now inspecting Octavia. "Now I know I've seen you somewhere before... You're ringing so many bells, but I just can't put my hoof on it."

For some reason, Octavia seemed to be getting nervous. "Um...per-perhaps you're thinking of the Grand Galloping Gala." I liked the way she said 'Gala'; with her accent, it sounded like 'Gah-Lah.' "I've performed there several times before with my orchestral band..."

Twilight slowly shook her head. "No...it's not the Gala; I've seen you play there before, but that's not what I'm thinking of." She started tapping her hoof against the floor, clearly trying to place Octavia somewhere in her memory. "It was...it was something from...something from...a few months ago...back in Canterlot..." As she did this, I started to wonder why Octavia's ears flattened, as well as her eyes nervously shifting from left to right; for these few days I've known her, she was always so calm and collected, and this was the first time I've seen her look so...so anxious. It appeared as if she wanted to run away, but was instead frozen in place out of fear.

Suddenly, Twilight raised her hoof, as if she just found her answer. She then pointed at Octavia, causing her to jump a bit before saying, "You look a lot like this one mare who was present at Speakeasy's trial, the alleged cri--"

"And here we have the domain of Equestria's newest princess, Princess Twilight!"

"Oh no," Twilight said with a frown, looking towards the source of the loud voice coming from somewhere behind me.

When I turned around, I saw a whole slew of ponies heading our way. Judging by the fact that most of them were carrying maps or cameras, as well as wearing T-shirts and hats that said stuff like 'I Ponyville', there was only one thing they could be...tourists. They seemed to be led by a school bus yellow mare with an ash blue mane who was also wearing a blue business coat.

"Come along now everypony," the mare shouted as she walked ahead of the group. "You don't want to miss getting your picture taken in front of--oh my lucky stars! It's the Princess of Friendship herself! Princess Twilight!" This seemed to excite the tourists, who were all in awe of Twilight before they started blinding the crap out of us with their camera flashes.

I tried to shield my eyes with my hand as we were all being bombarded by one blinding flash of light after the next. When I risked a peek, I saw that Vinyl had her hoof around Twilight, looking all chummy with the uncomfortable looking princess as she smiled and posed for the cameras. I then felt something brush against me from behind, and when I turned around, I found that Octavia was using me as a shield.

"Camera-shy?" I asked her.

"Uh, sure...lets go with that," she said.

As the four of us just stood there, trying to keep our vision--except maybe Vinyl, whose shades I wished I now had--all sorts of things were being shouted by the tourists as they approached.

"Princess, look over here!"

"Can I get a picture with you!?"

"Does being an alicorn make you a princess, or does being a princess make you an alicorn!?"

"Can I get an autograph!?"

"What's that weird thing with her!?"

"Isn't that DJ Pon3!?"

Twilight didn't respond to any of their questions, instead, with one of her wings trying its best to shield her face, she looked towards me. "Maurice!" she shouted just loud enough for me to hear her over the crowd. "I guess I kinda have to go now! I'll see you later!"

She then took a few steps back into her castle and closed the doors, only for them to swing open a few seconds later and have a confused looking Vinyl pushed out by Twilight's magic before closing again. Soon, a mob of crazed tourists, begging for a picture with the princess were heading for the doors. Before Vinyl was crushed in-between them and the presumably locked castle entrance, she quickly reacted by jumping of the stairs' side and making a bee line for Octavia and me.

"Go go go!" Vinyl exclaimed with a few quick flicks of her hoof as she ran towards us, signalling for us to leave. All three of us then fled towards the town, fearful that the crowd would decide that I--a creature they've never seen before, be considered the next picture worthy subject.

Minutes later, we were in a bar called 'Berry's' where Vinyl and Octavia were both speaking with the owner. The owner's name, who was standing behind the counter, was Berry Punch; she was a purple-ish pink mare with a mane that was of a darker shade and as I looked over the counter, I could see that that her cutie mark was of a cluster of grapes besides a single strawberry.

"So that's the situation," said Octavia, who then gestured at me standing besides her. "Maurice is looking for employment and your bar is one of the few places we know that can afford his services."

"Come on, Berry," Vinyl pleaded. "Be a gal-pal and give the poor hooman a job."

"Human," I corrected.

"What?" Vinyl asked.

"It's human, not hooman."

Vinyl gave me a questioning look before saying, "You sure?"

Flabbergasted, I stared at her, thinking that she couldn't be serious. "I'm pretty sure I know what my own species is called!"

Vinyl leaned forward a bit before saying in a sing-song voice, "I don't think you do~" I could have chosen to argue, but didn't when I heard Berry speaking.

"I don't know..." Berry said with uncertainty in her voice, looking me over from top to bottom. "What do you know about bartending?" she asked me. "Got any experience? Know any recipes?"

"Never worked at a bar before," I answered. "And uh...other than knowing that daiquiris have bananas in them, none." It probably didn't help that the closest thing I knew to any drink recipe was for something I called Black Gold. Black Gold simply being half Coca-cola and half Dr. Pepper; delicious beverage, but the downside would be that you'd get diabetes twice as fast.

Berry stared at me as if in thought. "Hmm, well...I guess I could train you if I decide to hire you." She then started gathering items from around her and placed them all atop the counter before us. "Here," she said, gesturing at the items that consisted of several liquid filled bottles and one stainless steel shaker. "I'm gonna give you some instructions, and I want to see how well you can follow them with those weird hooves of yours."

I picked up the shaker and inspected it. "Ok... I guess I can do that." Soon enough, I was easily following her step by step instructions of putting a bit of this and a bit of that into the shaker.

Eventually, Berry spoke with a shrug. "I'm still unsure... I really don't have any need for extra help, and you're not exactly doing anything special that I can't do."

Ok, I guess I'm gonna have to wow her, and to do that, I'm gonna try something that I've seen plenty of bartenders back on Earth do. I'm sure I can do it, I mean, how hard could it be?

I then grabbed the next bottle Berry asked for, but instead of immediately pouring its contents into the shaker, I surprised her when I tossed the bottle into the air and quickly turned around, ready to catch it backwards with my other hand and impress her. However, nothing landed in my hand, and I soon flinched when I heard glass shattering.

With my face in a grimace, I forced one eye open and saw that I had accidentally flung the bottle through one of the front windows, completely shattering it. I then slowly turned back to Berry and saw that she was shaking her head while doing the pony version of a facepalm--facehoof I think they're called.

"You know what?" Berry said, still facehoofing. "I'll call you..."

I took that as an opportunity to leave. "Eh...y-yeah... Come on girls, lets go..."

Octavia nervously nodded. "Good idea." She got up, then went for the door.

"I don't get what the big deal is," Vinyl said with a smirk on her face. "It's not like this is the first time that window has been broken--heck, I've broken it a few times! Once, I even dived through it!"

Berry groaned in annoyance before saying, "Well I guess I know who to bill for those instances and this."

Vinyl's eyes widened in shock before she turned to me with a more neutral expression on her face. "You just had to be all fancy an' shit, didn't you, Maurice?"

Our next stop was a store with a sign at the front showing the image of a quill and couch. With a sign like that, you'd think that was all they sold, but no, mattresses were also in their inventory; the evidence of this being that Vinyl was currently laying on one.

"Oh...wow~ You guys, you have to try this! It's sooo comfy!"

"I'd rather not," Octavia said, refusing to hop on the bed.

"Oh come on, give it a try!" Vinyl begged, patting the empty half of the bed.

"Ugh," Octavia sounded in disgust as she turned away from Vinyl. "Vinyl, that's the showroom demonstration model; who knows who else has been rolling around on that bed."

Vinyl shrugged. "Fine, suit yourself." She then turned towards me, a smirk on her face as she patted the bed again. "Maurice?"

I backed away a bit. "You know, Octavia kinda has a point there, and I'd rather find someone who works here so I can ask if there's an opening."

"Did'ya just ask for somepony who works here?" asked an approaching brown stallion wearing a blue salesman vest. Once he reached us, his eyes went to Vinyl. "Oh, I see you're interested in the Blissful Sleep: Mark Seven model." He then leaned against the bed's headboard. "This here beauty is the latest advancement in mattress engineering; she's designed with absolute comfort in mind, built with magically altered bits of cloud in the stuffing, and it's so soft you could jump on it without your sleeping significant other even noticing! Ah, and lets not forget this added little feature!" He then pressed a button on the headboard, causing the mattress to start vibrating.

"OoOoOoOh, tHiS iIiS AwWwesome!" Vinyl cooed, her voice reverberating along with the bed as she stared at the ceiling. When the stallion pressed the button again, the bed stopped shaking, causing Vinyl to immediately lift her head and turn to Octavia. "Octy! We HAVE to buy this!"

With her eyes half shut, Octavia replied with a humoring tone in her voice. "Very well, Vinyl, we can either pool what few bits we can spare for the bed, or...we can have food for the next two months..."

"Huh," Vinyl muttered, her hoof to her chin, looking as if she were weighing her options.

A few seconds of this and Octavia slowly began lurching her head forward, staring wide eyed at Vinyl. "Wait... You can't actually be considering this?!"

With a dismissive wave of her hoof, Vinyl said, "Hold on, hold on, I'm thinking."

Octavia continued. "You...do realize that decision would effect all three of us, and all for a glorified mattress that only you would benefit from."

"But it's a mark..." Vinyl turned back to the salespony. "What was it again?"

"Seven."

"Seven, Octy! Seven!" Vinyl shouted as she quickly turned back to Octavia. "That's like way better then five and six!"

As the two began to bicker over the bed, I chose now to speak with the salespony.

"Uh, listen...I've heard through some friends of mine that this place was hiring, and I was wondering if there were any positions available."

"Oh, well actually ther--" He stopped mid-sentence before he started shaking his head with a nervous smile. "Nope, sorry! Those positions have already been filled!" I found it strange that he wasn't looking at me, but instead, somewhere else. When I turned in the direction he was facing, I spotted an older looking stallion wearing a 'Manager' tag on his vest, who immediately stopped shaking his head when I looked at him.

Fine, I get it. You don't want the strange creature working in your store.

I sighed, then turned back to the first stallion. "Oh, well that's too bad. Thanks for your help anyway..." I then made for the exit. "Come on, Vinyl, Tavi; 'nother bust..."

"Alight, this one, then one more for the day," Octavia said after several more times of I've been turned down, giving me this strange feeling that not everyone wants to hire the weird looking alien who just moved into town recently. This time, we were standing outside of a cottage which had, hanging over the door, a sign with the image of three candies as well as words above them that read 'Sweetie Drops''.

Once we walked in after Vinyl opened the door for us, I looked around, and it didn't take long for me to realize that this place was a candy shop; this was made obvious by the sign outside, as well as barrels placed around the store, each filled to the brim with a wide variety of different sweets. My attention was soon drawn towards the counter, where a cream coated earthpony mare with a curly blue and pink mane sat behind, her expression bored as she used her hoof to push a lemon drop around on the flat surface.

"Hey, Bon Bon," Vinyl casually greeted.

"Hey, Vinyl," Bon Bon halfheartedly answered, her attention still on the lemon drop.

Vinyl walked up to the counter, stood on her hindlegs, and placed an elbow on it. "Slow day today?" she asked.

"Yeah, you could say that--hey!"

"What?" Vinyl said around the lemon drop she just snatched from Bon Bon using her magic, then unceremoniously plopped into her mouth.

Bon Bon grimaced. "Ew, Vinyl, that fell on the fl--" She became silent as her eyes widened, just now noticing me. "Oh no..."

With a nervous smile, I raised a hand and slowly waved it. "Uh...hi."

"Oh, right." Vinyl smacked her lips a few times around the candy before pointing back at me. "Don't be afraid, Bonny. He's just a--"

"I know very well what he is," Bon Bon interrupted, her voice tense but low. She looked around, then spoke in a more hushed tone. "Are you crazy bringing him here?! Quick, get him out of here before--" A door leading to a backroom opened, allowing a unicorn mare wearing an apron to walk through; she had a mint coat, an extremely light cyan green mane and tail with white streaks, yellow eyes, and a cutie mark of what I believe to be some kind of harp.

"Hey uh, Bon Bon," the new mare said, removing the apron with her magic, then began folding it. "I just finished wrapping up all the--" She dropped the apron when she spotted me in her peripheral vision, her head slowly turning towards me before adopting a shocked expression.

Oh no... She's not gonna scream, is she? I thought as I was frozen in place, too scared to make any movements out of fear of startling her. Eventually, I raised my hands defensibly.

"It's ok, I-I know I look a little strange, but I'm not gonna hur--"

"Oh," she uttered, causing me to raise a brow.

"'Oh'?" I repeated.

"Oh. My. Gosh..." Suddenly, and much to my confusion, she flashed a smile big enough to rival Pinkie's. "Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh!" she exclaimed while hopping in place. I was then completely taken by surprise when she jumped onto then off the counter, diving towards me before colliding and knocking me on my back.

"Agh!" I yelled as I hit the floor, the wind knocked out of me by the unicorn who was now on my chest.

"Lyra!" Octavia yelled. This, Lyra character ignored her, and instead used her magic to yank my hand up to her face.

"Oh my gosh!" she yelled for quite possibly the umpteenth time, using her hooves to feel up my hand's palm and fingers. She then looked down at me, crazed excitement in her eyes. "You're here! You're actually here! I-I have so many questions, like, wh-what's it like having fingers?! What do you eat?! And and and what's your world like and what do you miss most from it?!"

Since I was still trying to get the air back in my lungs, I chose to only answer that last one. "The interne--hey!" I pulled my hand back when she started nibbling on one of my fingers! "Bad pony! Bad!" I shouted as I swatted away her hooves that were trying to regain a hold on my hands. I shoved Lyra off my chest, then quickly rolled onto my stomach and pushed myself up. Once I was on my feet, I ran behind Octavia and used her as a shield, her being my only line of defense against this nutjob.

"Don't be scared," Lyra said with that crazed smile and look in her eyes. Each time she tried to make a move around Octavia, I moved in the opposite direction.

Vinyl rubbed her chin with a hoof. "Oh yeeeah... I kinda forgot that Lyra has that weird hooman obsession of hers."

Lyra stopped in her tracks, then turned and pointed accusingly at Vinyl, "It's HUMAN, you uneducated swine!" Vinyl just stood there, seeming to not know on how to take that comment.

"Human obsession?!" I shouted, not knowing how such a thing could be possible when I'm supposed to be Equestria's first and only human.

Octavia then tried to explain as I swiveled her around in order to better guard myself against the encroaching Lyra. "L-Lyra claims that, as a filly, she encountered a creature similar to your description!" Octavia made a short yelp when Lyra tried to pull a fast one, causing me to spin her a full three-sixty degrees a few times.

"It wasn't similar to a human, it was a human!" Lyra yelled, still trying to get to me.

"Lyra! Maurice! Please stop! I'm--I'm getting dizzy!" Octavia exclaimed. "Bon Bon! Didn't you say that Lyra was cured of this fixation years ago?! Isn't that why her parents sent her to all those institutions?!"

Bon Bon groaned before answering. "They did! But when Mayor Mare gave the town the heads up about him, she had a relapse!"

"Well do something!" Octavia begged.

Bon Bon sighed before saying, "Fine." She walked around the counter, then stood beside Lyra. "Hey, Lyra?"

"Yeah?" Lyra asked before turning to her...and receiving a bonk to the top of her noggin, delivered by Bon Bon. "Ow! Bonny, why?!" she cried, her face scrunched up in pain as she sat on her haunches, using her forehooves to rub her skull.

Bon Bon answered in a near deadpan tone. "Because you wouldn't leave the nice human alone." She then turned to Octavia and me. "I'm so sorry about my idiot. I'm actually considering putting her on a leash since she can be such a hoof-full sometimes."

Octavia spoke in a sympathetic voice "Oh it's, it's fine, really. We all have our...burdens to bare." She said that last part as her gaze shifted towards Vinyl.

Vinyl had her face twisting before saying, "Ugh, how'd a hair get on my tongue?"

"Anyway," Bon Bon said, regaining my attention. "You all came here for a reason. Are you here to buy some candy? I might throw in a few extra ones for you, Mr. Human, since Lyra was harassing you and everything."

"Oh um, it's Maurice," I replied. "And no, we didn't come here for candy."

"Really?" Bon Bon asked with a tilt of her head. "Then why else would you be here?"

Octavia decided to tell her. "Well you see, Vinyl and I are helping Maurice here with his job search; we've been leading him around the town since he can't differentiate between the businesses and regular homes, which I will admit was confusing for me as well when I first moved here." She shrugged. "So few establishments here are individually designed like the Carousel Boutique or Sugarcube Corner."

"Job search?" Bon Bon said. "Wait, you're not thinking that you can get him a job here?"

"Oh come on, Bonny," spoke Vinyl. "Don't tell me you're scared of him too?"

"What? No," Bon Bon replied with a quick shake of her head. "I'd love to hire him! Those spidery-hooves of his look like they'd be great for wrapping candies!" She then gestured at Lyra, who was still rubbing her head. "But I already got Lyra for that...and I pay her in candy! I don't exactly have the bits to hire real help, so I'm sorry, uh, Mari--Maurice, but I won't be able to pay you."

I was kinda glad that I found someone willing to hire me, but disappointed that they actually couldn't. "Well uh, thank's anywa--"

"I'll hire him!" shouted Lyra.

"You?!" Bon Bon questioned, staring at Lyra.

Lyra nodded, one hoof still atop her head. "Yeah, he can be my live-in butler!"

Bon Bon turned to me, then shook her head. "Don't do it, we live together, so I know for a fact that she can't afford you either."

I wasn't gonna accept anyway, because after Lyra made that offer, certain...leg-breaking scenes from the movie Misery were flashing through my mind.

"Uh, yeah... I'm just gonna go now..." I made for the door, then held it open as I turned back to the girls. "Vinyl? Octavia?"

"Coming," Octavia said, moving towards me, but stopped when Lyra placed a hoof on her shoulder.

"Hey uh, Octy, we're still good for orchestra practice later today, right?" Lyra asked.

Octavia nodded. "Of course. Have the girls come over at my place, same time as always."

Lyra smiled, saying. "Oh, cool." She then looked over to me. "I guess I'll see you later, Maaaurice."

I got goosebumps, and not the good kind...

The second I walked in, my nostrils were filled with the scent of freshly baked goods, which shouldn't be surprising since Sugarcube Corner was a bakery after all. You know, whoever designed this place really went all out; the exterior of the building resembled a gingerbread house, while the interior continued that theme but added its own flare with the candy-cane support pillars. At the other side of the door was a counter slash display case with delicious looking pastries seen through the glass while the rest of the room had a few tables and chairs here and there, providing customers with a place to sit down and enjoy their treats.

Vinyl and Octavia went to go sit at one of the tables while I walked over to the counter and placed my hand on top of the bell beside the register. The exact second I ringed it, Pinkie's head suddenly popped out from behind the counter like a whack-a-mole.

"Oh hi, Maurice!" she shouted in that hyper energetic voice of hers.

"Geez, Pinkie!" I yelled as I jumped back, hand on my chest as I felt my rapid heartbeat. "You scared me!"

"Heh heh, whoops," Pinkie said with a smile before giggling into her forehooves. "Guess I got to save some of that for the next Nightmare Night."

I responded once my heart-rate started to return to normal. "Well if that's some kind of competition, then you're definitely gonna win. I mean, who can compete with you in anything?" Strangely, I heard Vinyl cough something under her breath that sounded a lot like...wait, does she want a grilled cheese? 'Cause it kinda sounded like she said 'cheese sandwich'. "Anyway," I said before I got distracted. "Kinda looking for a job right now, Pinkie, and I was wondering if--"

Pinkie loudly gasped, cutting me off. "And you wanna work here?! With me?!" She then jumped into the air and shouted, "Well that would be super!" Ok, that's weird...gravity should have pulled her down by--oh wait, no, there it is. "If you worked here, then that would mean that we would be regular buddies and co-worker buddies!" She ducked behind the counter, then reappeared behind the saloon doors leading to a backroom. "It'll be all kinds of fun! We'd see each other almost every day! Share stories! Make some inside jokes that only us, super best buddies would get...until I tell Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity," I blinked, and the next thing I knew, she was gone, yet I heard her voice whisper into my ear, "and maybe Gummy."

Before giving her a chance to...do whatever she was doing, I turned and caught her with my hands. "Pinkie!" I yelled, my hand over her mouth in order to ensure that she wouldn't interrupt. "Please, stop breaking--no no no...obliterating the laws of physics and reality, 'cause you're really hurting my brain right now!"

With her eyes wide and focused on my own, she nodded. She then spoke when I removed my hand from her mouth. "Weeell," she said with a slow roll of her eyes, her voice the Pinkie version of serious. "You're basically asking me to not be Pinkie, buuut I'll try."

I gave her a scrutinizing look. "I can't help but feel like you just did something there..."

"What? Nooo," she said while rolling her head and giving a dismissive wave.

There's that gut-feeling again, but...eh, whatever. "So was that a yes about the job thing?" I asked, Pinkie being quick to answer.

"Oh I don't know, that's up to Mr. and Mrs. Cake."

I took a longer than necessary breath to compose myself. "Okay...and where are they?"

"On vacation with Pumpkin and Pound Cake. They left me in charge of the place and won't be back for another week or two." My eyes widened, and one of them might have twitched... All that brain-hurt...and for nothing...

I sighed before releasing--never mind, Pinkie was missing from my grasp and was standing behind the counter again. I got up, then signaled at the girls for us to leave.

Once I made for the door, Pinkie said, "Aw, aren't you gonna get yourself a treat?"

"No," I calmly replied once I got the door open. "I just wanna go home and...I don't know, put some ice on my head, maybe." I then waved at her, saying, "Bye, Pinkie. Catch you later."

She waved back. "Bye bye, Maurice!"

I closed the door behind me, then turned to Vinyl and Octavia, my silence cluing them in on whether my talk with Pinkie got me a job or not.

Octavia gave a reassuring smile. "Well...we'll try again tomorrow." I nodded while trying to put on a smile, then headed for the direction of home with the girls at my sides.

After passing a couple dozen cottages, I spotted a familiar face further up ahead. It was Fluttershy, and she was with a crying sky-blue unicorn filly whose lavender mane was braided back and rested on her shoulder.

"Oh, sweetie, please," Fluttershy said to the filly in a consoling tone. "I'd love to help you, but if you keep crying, then...then I'll start cry--"

"Fluttershy?" I asked, causing her to jump into the air before frantically turning to me.

"Oh, Maurice, you startled me," Fluttershy said, a hoof to her chest as she slowly lowered herself to the ground.

"Eh, sorry." My eyes went to the crying filly before I gestured at her. "Uh, who's this?"

"I don't know," Fluttershy somberly said as she turned back to the filly. "I found her aimlessly wandering around, so I think she's lost. I've tried asking her where her parents are, but--"

The filly then cried something in-between her loud sobs. "((Where am I?!))" Upon hearing her, my eyes widened in surprise as I thought to myself, No way...

Fluttershy's expression wavered before she embraced the filly in a hug. "Oh sweetie, I just don't understand you!" she said, allowing the filly to sniffle into her shoulder as she lightly caressed her back.

"Ah geez," Vinyl said, turning in the opposite dirrection we just came from. "I'll go get Pinkie; I'm pretty sure I've heard her singing in Spaneighish during that goof-off she had."

"Hold on," I said, causing Vinyl to look back at me in confusion. I then neared Fluttershy and the filly, but in order to not scare the foal, I sat on the ground with my legs folded, a few feet from the two. I then coughed into my hand to clear my throat. Alright, it's been a while, so here's hoping I'm not out of practice. "((Excuse me, little girl?))"

The filly's ears perked before she turned away from Fluttershy's hug, caution in her eyes as she examined me, yet curiosity in her voice when she asked, "((Y-you can understand me?))"

I nodded. "((Yes.))"

This seemed to amaze Octavia. "Maurice! You speak Spaneighish?!"

I rolled my eyes at her. "You may call it 'Spaneighish' here, but it's 'Spanish' where I come from. Also, I come from a Hispanic family, so of course I speak it."

"Hiss-pa-nick?" Vinyl uttered, her face grimaced in confusion.

I face-palmed before explaining. "Uh, basically, Hispanics are a Spaneighish speaking people in my world."

You know, when I first got here, I did find it strange that Twilight and everyone were speaking English--though they called it by something else that I can't remember right now--but Twilight suggested that the worlds must somehow influence each other, which would explain the similarities in this world with my own, such as similar languages, a few bits of technology here and there like Vinyl's turntable, and even certain legends--which in this world, many of them aren't. If there was any truth to this, then I was glad I ended up here in Equestria and not say, a world ruled by Cthulhu, dark lord of tentacle porn.

Fluttershy then quietly spoke up. "W-well can...can you ask her where her parents are?" I nodded, then proceeded to do so.

"((Are you lost? Where are your parents?))"

"((I don't know, I don't know!))" she cried, shaking her head while her eyes shed a fresh wave of tears before clutching onto Fluttershy.

"Maurice, what did you say?!" Fluttershy yelled, holding the filly tightly. "You've upset her!"

"I said what you told me to say!" I then decided to take a different approach. "((Uh, little girl, what's your name?))"

She looked back at me, wiped her cheek with a hoof, then answered. "((My name is...is Hermosa.))" Ok, so her parents named her 'Beautiful'...

"((Hey, Hermosa. My name is Maurice.))"

"((Ma...Maurice?))"

I nodded. "((Yeah, I know it's kind of a weird name. Listen, where was the last place you were with your parents? What were you all doing?))"

She took a moment to compose herself. "((We were outside of that giant castle, and there were a lot of other ponies with us trying to get a picture with the pretty princess. She wouldn't come out, so when we started to leave, I accidentally got separated from my parents...))"

Giant castle? Lots of other ponies? Trying to get a picture with a princess?

Once I figured it out, I got up. "Guys, I think her parents are with a tour group."

"A tour group?" Octavia said, a hoof on her chin. "Well I guess that would explain why she only speaks Spaneighish; must not be from this region."

"Thank you, Maurice," Fluttershy spoke, wrapping a wing around Hermosa. "I'm going to take her to town hall where those tours start. Hopefully her parents might be there."

"Whoa there, Fluttershy," I said. "I'm gonna go with you; don't want you passing her off to the first Spanish speaking couple you meet, thinking that they're her parents."

Fluttershy seemed to put some though into my offer before nodding. "O-okay."

"Well I guess Vinyl and I are heading home then, Maurice," said Octavia.

"You guys aren't gonna help?" I asked.

Vinyl shook her head. "Naw, you look like you got this handled, besides, I'm tired of walking and Octy's got her orchestra band coming over for practice soon."

I rubbed the back of my head. "Oh, well...I guess I'll see you guys later then."

Octavia then curtsied before Fluttershy. "It was wonderful meeting you, Fluttershy, a real pleasure."

"Oh, uh," Fluttershy awkwardly did her own curtsy. "Same."

"Alright, later you guys," Vinyl said with a wave as she and Octavia headed for the house, leaving me alone with Fluttershy and Hermosa.

Minutes later, Fluttershy and I brought Hermosa towards Ponyville's center where town hall was. As we neared, I spotted the same blue business coat wearing mare from before, this time she was with two other ponies, one an earthpony stallion, the other a unicorn mare, and both of them were yelling at her in Spanish.

"((Why aren't you doing anything?! Where's our daughter?!))"

"((She was with us one second, then gone the next! We have to find her!))"

By the expression on the coat-mare's face, it was obvious that she didn't understand them. "Now now, please stop yelling and calm down. I-I really don't understand what you're trying to tell me. Are you unsatisfied with the tour? If you are, well I'm sorry, but you've already taken it so you're no longer eligible for a refund."

The stallion turned to the mare "((What'd she say?))"

"((How should I know?!))" retorted the mare.

Before we got any closer, I stopped us, then turned to Hermosa. "((Are they your parents?))" I asked, pointing at the yelling couple.

Once she saw them, her eyes lit up before she slipped out from under Fluttershy's wing. "((Mommy! Daddy!))" she yelled, running towards them.

"((Hermosa?!))" shouted the two as they looked around, then spotted her, their faces breaking into relieved smiles before running towards her and meeting her halfway. The three collided into a frenzy of hugs, whimpers, and tears of joy.

"((Hermosa! Where have you been?!))" questioned the mother. "((You've had your father and I worried sick about you!))"

"((I'm sorry!))" Hermosa cried, her voice muffled by her parents' embraces. "((I got lost, but the nice monkey thing brought me here!))"

"What?" Fluttershy asked, probably wondering why I just face-palmed and groaned.

Hermosa and her parents then walked over to us. ((Thank you so much,))" Hermosa's father said, getting on his hindlegs to put a hoof on my shoulder...theeen started crushing me with a man hug strong enough to form diamonds...

Breathing suddenly became a struggle. "((I-It was n-nothin-- )) Jesus man, please let go, I can't brea--eh, ((I can't...breathe))."

"Oh," the stallion said, releasing me and giving an embarrassed smile before I received a less rib-shattering hug from the mother and--goddammit, Fluttershy! Why are you trying to get in on this too?! You don't even know what they're saying! They could be giving me the hug of death for all you know!

Eventually, and much to my relief, they got all of their physical gratefulness out of their system. I took a few much needed breathes before speaking. "((Y-you're welcome... But it wasn't me who found her.))" Fluttershy flinched when I pointed at her. "((It was her. I only asked Hermosa a few questions, so if you should be thanking anyone, it should be her. ))"

After thanking a nervous Fluttershy in a language she didn't understand, the mother then said, "((Hermosa, thank these two before we leave.))"

Hermosa, standing in-between her parents, then looked up at Fluttershy and I with a smile. "((Thank you, Ms. Pretty Pony, thank you, Maurice.))"

"((It was nothing,")) I said.

"Uh..." Fluttershy then tired to repeat what I just said. "D-de nada..."

As the family started to walk away, Fluttershy and I said our goodbyes before she headed home. Right as I was about to do the same, I was stopped when I felt someone's hoof on my shoulder.

"Well now," a female slyly said, turning to the voice revealed it to be the mare in the blue coat. Now that I'm not being blinded by flashing lights like before, I could see that her cutie mark was one of those coin operated binoculars you see at popular tourist spots. "The name's Sight-see, and I'd like to thank you for helping me with that problem," she shook her head with a smile, "don't know a lick of Spaneighish on me."

"Uh, you're welcome," I said with a raised brow as I got the feeling there was more to it than just thanking me.

Still smiling, Sight-see rolled her eyes. "You see, I've heard through the grapevine that a certain human has been going around town, looking for employment."

I made an amused 'pfft' before saying, "Wow, didn't know I was that popular."

"In a town like this, who isn't?" she quipped. "Anyway, let me get down to business. You see, I happen to run Ponyville's first officially endorsed tour company, Sight-see's Sightseers Tours--name pending."

I gave her a questioning look. "Tours? Here? Ponyville? What do you show them? Farmland and more farmland?"

"Hmm, funny. Actually, my business has been very successful; tour companies are a dime a dozen in places like Manehatten or Las Pegas and very rarely succeed because of the competition." She raised a hoof. "But there's one thing about Ponyville that all those other companies have failed to notice...a newly crowned princess lives here, one that everypony is gonna want to see."

Thinking back to her tour group I saw earlier, I saw that she probably had a point there, but still...

"And what does this have to do with me?" I asked.

"Well, as it turns out, not all tourists speak the same language, so I have several multilingual employees who are invaluable and absolutely necessary for their tours. I have ponies who can speak Prench, Germane, Chineighes, and Neighponese, but sadly, no Spaneighish speaking ones."

"Wait, are you--"

"Offering you a job? Yes. To put it simply, I need a tour guide for the Spaneighish speaking tourists and I just heard you with that family." She coyly tilted her head to the side. "So what do you say, you in?"

It was tempting, but still, there were some issues I wanted to address. "Um, aren't tourists going to be a little nervous if they're being led around by a hoo--," fucking Vinyl, "human?"

She grinned. "Kid, lot of these tourists are from far off places, so they're just gonna assume that humans are a regular thing to see around these parts."

Well, I guess that made some sense... "Ok, now...this may sound a little rude, but what about payment?"

"Accept the job and you'll make plenty." She then continued as she started to inspect her hoof. "I've got a sweet deal going on with the mayor; I lead the tours by a few of the town's businesses, they buy some snacks and souvenirs, and my company gets a cut of the profits. Just end the tour with a trip to the castle, and nopony complains. Also... tourists often have the habit of generously tipping their guides..."

My previously ground-scanning eyes focused on her when she said that last part; I really did need the money to help improve mine and the girls' living standards, and I wasn't exactly getting any offers, but still, I had doubts about tourists being comfortable around me simply because I spoke Spanish. I took a moment to weigh my options before reaching a decision.

"You know what, you've convinced me." I then extended my hand towards her, which she then shook. "I'm in."

Once I got home, I opened the front door and walked into the living room where I saw Octavia with five other mares, one of which was Lyra. They all stood in a half circle, Octavia holding onto Marchello while the others had their own instruments held in their hooves or magical aura.

I was then greeted by Octavia. "Ah, Maurice, welcome back. Vinyl's in her quarters and the ladies and I were just about to start our practice session."

"Uh, hello," I said, giving the mares a friendly wave. "Um, don't mind me, I'm just gonna rest up in my room."

Once I opened the door to my room, I heard Lyra give a fake yawn before saying, "You know, I'm starting to feel a little tired myself. Hey, Maurice, mind if we share the be--"

"Lyra..." Octavia said in a warning tone.

"Fine," Lyra replied after giving an annoyed 'humph'.

I got in my room, closed the door behind me, locked it because of Lyra, then threw myself onto my bed, my legs exhausted after the several miles I probably walked today. Since Octavia was having company right now, I decided that tomorrow was a better time to tell the girls about my newly acquired job. As I continued to rest, I heard Octavia's voice through the door.

"Alright then ladies, from the top."

Author's Notes:

Here's my patreon. Come on guys, I'd really like to go to my first ever convention. Babscon.