I sat at one of the breakfast tables in the royal dining room. Cadance sat with me, tied up and forced to levitate food into her mouth. "So...why am I here?" She asked calmly as ever.

I looked her up and down. "Testing." I tapped my finger against my tea mug. "Field testing Shining Armor. I want to see how long it takes him to mobilize and find you."

Cadance spooned another bit of sugared cereal into her mouth. She chewed loudly and nodded. "How long do you think? Because the crystal ponies might be a little worried."

"Again, field testing your guard and Shining." I tossed back my mug and finished my tea. "By the way, sorry about the whole kidnapping thing."

Cadance looked down at her bindings. "Hmm, not the worst kidnapping I've been through. Honestly I'd rate this one a solid nine."

I scratched my head. "How many times have you been kidnapped exactly?"

Cadance spooned more cereal. "Bout...three or four." She nibbled on the knock off pony brand cereal and swallowed hard. "The last time was changelings, this time it was cereal." She looked off behind me. "Celestia's coming."

I turned around and spotted Celestia trotting over rather quickly. "Able...Able, why is Cadance here?" She stood next to me and looked her over. "Why is she tied up!?"

Cadance and I looked at each other. I cleared my throat before answering. "Testing Shining and his guard. I already told our guard and Twilight's friends."

Celestia looked about the circular table. "Oh...." She looked over to the kitchen staff. "So you had cereal without me?"

I licked my lips. "I just got back." I pointed to Cadance with my cup. "I had a team of ponies fly us back like two hours ago."

Cadance looked down at her cereal. "Hmm, do you want the rest?" She looked up to Celestia. "You can have it if you want."

Celestia looked down at me. "No...." She pulled my mug from my hands and tried to drink. She scrunched up her muzzle and tossed the mug against the floor. It didn't break, it instead slid across the floor and landed next to a planter. She sighed heavily. "Able, do you realize how much work you just caused--"

"It's a guard issue. I made sure you were out of it completely." I scooted over on my bench. "Relax. I know how to abduct people. Forward recon did it all the time, only there was more torture involved."

Celestia opened her mouth then just as quickly shut it. "Oh...." She sat down next to me and settled in. "Hmm. So just a normal day then?"

I shrugged. "More or less." I looked back to Cadance. "So I have a question, are you two related?" I pointed between them. "Aunt or something?"

Cadance nodded. "Something like--"

Celestia coughed and rubbed her throat. "It's complicated."

Cadance and I looked towards Celestia. I pressed my fingers against either side of my nose. "Complicated?"

Celestia whinnied and smiled. "I have a very...very large family tree. Marriages and children throughout the centuries and all that...." She coughed again. "Cadance is a close enough relative that I count her, but it's easier to call me an aunt than to dig through and actually find the connection."

"Hmm." I looked to Cadance and shrugged. "I was just gonna say, you should do your mane like her." I pointed to the bobs at the ends of Cadance's mane. "I like the swirly things."

Cadance smiled and tried to brush her mane. She frowned when she realized how well tied she was. "Do you think maybe you can--"

"No." I shook my head. "The ropes stay until he finds you. Then he can figure out how to get them off." I stretched my arms and brushed Celestia's side. "It's a constrictor knot, so either he's gonna bring a knife and cut you out, or you're gonna be there a while."

Celestia tapped me with her side. "Do you not like Shining?"

I looked at the two ponies. "Uh...well, first off...." I tapped my fingers on the table. "You both know he gets stuffed like a donut by the guard, right?"

Cadance and Celestia both nodded. Cadance rolled her eyes. "It's pretty-- wait, do you not?" She cocked her head. "I thought most guards hung around together like that."

I stared at her. "Uh...I have her." I pointed to Celestia. "Why would I--"

Celestia smiled and patted my back with her wing. "I really wouldn't mind--"

"I would." I shifted in my seat. "A, I'm not gay, B, I've been with two ponies...one I love, one I love like a sister--"

Celestia smiled wryly. "Am I the one you love like a sister?"

I felt my cheeks tug downward. "Thanks.... You know who I'm taking about. Apple Jack...." I put my hands together. "Anyways, I had my exploration thingy with ponies...I'm not about to leave you any time soon."

Celestia reached down and nuzzled my head. "I know."

"Good." I looked Cadance over. I looked back to the doors of the dining room. "He really should have found you by now."

Celestia sighed and slid off the bench. She lit her mane up and brushed her coat with her magic. "Well, I suppose I'll go hold court. Wait for Shining to show up."

Cadance nodded and watched her leave. "Bye auntie." Things grew quiet as a pony came over and set my mug back down on the table. Cadance watched as the pony took her cereal away and dropped off a small cup of tea. "So, she's much more casual behind the scenes."

I shrugged. "I wouldn't know. I never really see her, on scene." I rubbed my neck. "Heard she's really proper."

Cadance nodded. "Normally I'd say so. Very motherly and kind, very reserved--"

"Ha!" I leaned down towards the table. "Sure."

Cadance cocked her head. "Well maybe you should sit with her while she's doing business. See what I mean."

I grunted and looked back towards the door. "Maybe. Hey, so you know he's the guard's fucktoy?"

Cadance nodded. "Oh there are some days where he has to go to the bathroom to poop out cum."

I cringed and hissed. "Oh my god...what the fuck?" I crossed my legs and covered my mouth.

Cadance nodded. "He goes to shower with them, then comes back, pretends like nothing happened."

I shrugged. "Courtly love or something, right?"

Cadance grunted. "No...just love and sex, can be a little different." She looked me over. "You were in a military, you know--"

"No." I shook my head. "No I don't. I was never gay for anyone in the barracks. I had sex with one solider, a woman, out in a foxhole because we though we were going to die the next day." I rubbed my arm. "Wait, so does that mean you just fuck random ponies too?"

Cadance tried to hold her hoof out. "I have one servant who comes by and gives me oral. It's not love thought."

I grunted again. "Ponies are weird...."

"Humans are weird." She tapped her back leg on the ground.

Things grew quiet as we both sat there, waiting for something to happen. I scratched my neck. "So...you wanna go watch a movie or something? I think they remade Titanic with ponies."

Cadance shrugged. "Alright."

I stood up and walked over to her. I hoisted the pink mare over my shoulders and started off towards the doors. "So... only a nine out of ten?"

Cadance sighed. "The best kidnapper would take me to dinner first. And probably wouldn't be human. A dragon kidnapping would be interesting."

"Hmm. Weird times we live in."