Author's Notes:

THE HOCKEY THING:

I stood in the mainhall. A pair of imported roller skates on my feet.

Celestia walked in from a side corridor and started walking to her throne. I crouched down and got ready.

I swung my foot forward and charged, keeping low and letting my momentum speed me up. "Aaaleyaaaaoooo!"

"What?" Celestia turned around just in time to catch a body check right across the base of her neck. She spun away and slipped on her metal shoes. "What the fuck!?"

I rolled past with my hands up. "Fucking Quebec ain't shit! North knows how to fucking hit!" I rolled around her throne room as she picked her shoes up and straightened out. "Remember jousting?" I carried myself around her as she sighed and cleaned up. "I do."

Celestia shook her head and walked calmly towards her throne. "You're being a child."

I shrugged. "Yep. Fun as fuck though." I rolled out towards the main doors. "I'm gonna go get fast food, you want something?"

Celestia groaned and yelled across her hall. "Hayburgers, like four or five!"

I nodded and rolled on towards the main doors. "Alright, I'll--" I passed through the main doors with ease and completely lost my footing at a tiny set of steps down onto a larger set of stairs. I slammed gut first into a bannister and flattened out on the cold hard floor.

"...You deserve that!"

I stood in Celestia's bedroom. "What kind is it?" She groaned from the bed, her head covered up to the muzzle.

"Sweet, easy, and creamy as hell." I walked over with her coffee and held it for her. "Also brought some water."

Celestia didn't pull the covers off her head. "Water first, two bottles."

I reached into my stuffed pockets and pulled one from each. The coffee found a home on her bed as I nursed my wife with water. She suckled at the bottle like a baby, chugging down the water like a true drunk.

She polished off the first and sighed. "Oh...no.... Do I have court--"

"Luna's pulling a day shift, you're going to have to handle night."

Celestia sighed heavily and motioned her hoof for more water. "Thank you Able...."

"Yep." I brought another bottle to her lips. She chugged it back and levitated the covers off her flushed face. Her eyes were a bright beet red. "You gonna be okay?"

Celestia pulled the bottle out of my hands and spat it out across the room. "I'll be fine." She levitated the coffee up, her magic trembling as her horn struggled to stay lit.

I took my mug from her and held it for her. "Just let me."

Celestia sighed and drank quietly. "Able.... Why is it you're always taking care of me?"

"Because I don't complain." I took a sip of the coffee, horridly sweet for me. "Even if I was hurt or sick, I wouldn't bring it up."

Celestia sighed. "But you don't even act as dumb as me anymore--"

"The fire thing?" I held her coffee for her. "The hockey thing." I let her polish off my mug. "The sword thing. The Applejack thing...." I held my hand out. "What do you want from me?"

Celestia sighed. "We never act like...serious anymore."

I stared at her. "...Do you want to talk about the terrible shit we've done? You're holding court at night, you wanna tell the bat ponies about the genocide? I'll tell the government about my Halifax thing...and the bodies."

Celestia sighed. "Not what I meant." She rubbed her head. "...Invite...Twilight and her friends for court tonight.... We're gonna sit and be smart about things tonight."

I shrugged. "Alright. Just gonna sit there on my hands then."

Celestia groaned and pulled the sheet back over her head.