I sat with Celestia as two mares laid down on a stage in the sitting room, kissing eachother while Celestia watched. "...Able.... Why are ponies so fucking sexy?" Her breath smelled like whiskey. "Humans...humans are good.... I just...." The pauses between her words were agonizing. "Able...pull your cock out." She turned to me, her right eye opened more than her left. Her purple eyes were bloodshot and darkened. "I want...to lick...and suck...and eat it."

"You're drunk--"

"I know!" Celestia slammed her hoof and made the ponies stop going at it. She snapped her head around. "Did I say you two could stop!"

The two ponies looked at eachother for a bit then slowly started to get back into it.

Celestia leaned towards them. "...Dicks would make this so much better. Two stallions...and dicks...." She laughed and sloppily levitated a half empty bottle of fine scottish brandy atop her head. "Able...you have a penis."

I nodded. "Yes I do."

Celestia sighed heavily. "If I...became a stallion.... Would you fuck me?"

"Probably not."

"What...if you were gay?"

"Then yeah, probably." I shrugged. "Not gay though."

"Cadance...could make you gay." She laughed loudly. "Oh my gosh...she could make you give me a blowjob!" Celestia laid her head down against the stage and started heaving. "Able...suck my dick! I'm gonna go-" She forced herself up with the bottle. "-grow a cock. And you can suck it!"

I looked up at my obliterated wife. "...How much of that did you drink?"

Celestia took another swig. She licked her lips and went back to watching her strippers kiss. "...A lot...." She set the bottle down and sat on her haunches. "The...Prime Minster...of the United King of Britney gave me...three bot-les!" She reached out and knocked the whiskey onto the ground. "...Two! I drank...the others."

"Rough day?"

Celestia sighed heavily. "Twilight almost got...freaking kidnapped! Almost got her friends kidnapped too! Then I'm like...sitting there, wondering if I should send the guard, and I get a letter from Spike.... Like...Everything's fucking great Celestials! I got unkidnapped and learned a lesson about...mother fucking sewing circles! And how her friend is sexy...." She stared ahead, one eye half closed. "...Able...I'm going to--" She hiccuped loudly. "I'm going to call Fluttershy.... I'm going to fuck her with a dildo and lick her...while you fuck me..... I want this."

I nodded. "Sure...."

"No! I'm shheious!" She knocked her hoof against the stage. "I want.... All of them. Just...we call Twilight, we call Cadance, we call Luna, we get some strippers, and we fuck! We fuck...a lot!"

I nodded. "Hey, you wanna go to bed?"

Celestia hissed. "No! I duns wanna go ta stupid beds!"

I stood up and walked up to her. "Come on, let's get you to bed." I grabbed her foreleg and started pulling her. "Come on, let's go."

Celestia tried to stay in her chair, but her wobbly way of sitting caused her to lurch forward. "Able...stop it. I'm gonna put you in the moon! I will put you in the moon!" Her horn flickered with a dim gold light. "Ables.... I hate yous...."

"I know." I waved to the strippers. "Go ahead and go home." They stopped kissing and started cleaning themselves up.

Celestia followed me rather slowly. "Able...would I be a pretty human?"

"Probably gorgeous."

"Would you fuck me?" She leaned her head next to me. "Would you?"

I nodded. "I fuck you now.... I can only imagine tits would make it better."

Celestia sighed. "I'm gonna do it... Like...tomorrow. Gonna turn human, and you fuck me...okay?"

"How about you get some sleep first, then we'll talk."

Celestia sighed heavily. "Able...suck my dick." She lit herself up and flashed away. In her place was a completely midsection sized disk of wall. I looked down the hallway and found Celestia teleported into the wall, her ass hanging into one of the other rooms while she hung her head down and slept.

I let out a sharp sigh and turned the other way.