I splash cold water on my face, trying to...I don’t know, get myself together, I guess. After what had happened an hour ago, I hadn’t done much. I stared catatonically at the door for a few minutes...maybe killed some time yelling at myself as I took a cold shower...I just don’t know anymore.

Usually my mind is hectic, yet now I find myself feeling rather sluggish. Given the situation, this comes somewhat as a surprise to me. Maybe all of this just hasn’t sunken in yet. Maybe I don’t want it to. I don’t know if my own distaste for sudden and shock filled realizations is actually halting said realization, but if it is, then I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing.

Though I guess the last sudden and shock filled realization I had was when I realized that I loved Applejack, which...well...it seems like a bit of a lost cause, at this point.

I don’t know what I expected, really. Just because I felt a certain way about her didn’t change the situation. She woke up next to me, and her mind immediately went to a dark place, which I don’t blame her for...and then she left. I tried to comfort her. It didn’t work. I tried to tell her to stop. It didn’t work. By the time I could think straight, she was gone.

I just kept looking at that door, as if I expected her to walk right back; just for her to turn right around, come back in, talk it over, and maybe even talk about how I feel about her. How I think she’s the most beautiful creature I’ve ever had the honor of meeting, whether it be in body or in spirit. That she’s the most determined, most caring, most wondrous individual I’d ever seen...all these things that I might never get the chance to tell her.

I don’t even expect her to ever want to see me again. I hurt her.

I...I hurt her. She ran out of here crying, and it was because of me…

...What the fuck am I doing here?

“What the buck am Ah doin’ here?”

Ah throw the book down and ran out the door, right into the main room of the boutique. Rarity jumped a bit when she sees me, but Ah can’t pay her no mind right now. Ah gotta see Autumn.

“Darling, what’s wrong?” Rarity says, a concerned frown on her face.

“Can’t talk. Gotta go,” Ah belt out, galloping to the front door. Suddenly, Ah feel something pulling me back.

“What in tarnatio…” Ah trail off as I turned my head to see that Rarity’s magic was holding my tail back. “Rarity, what’re you-”

“Applejack, not an hour has passed since you ran into me whilst crying, the reason for which you’ve not let me privy to...which is fine...but I can’t just let you run off without talking about-”

“Rarity, I gotta talk to Autumn!” Ah shout. “A-Ah did somethin’ right awful, Rarity, somethin’ terrible, and Ah ran like a coward.”

“Darling, slow down! What’s this about Autumn?”

Ah don’t have time to talk. Ah pull myself out of her magical grip and run out the door. Ah know I have to give Rarity a better explanation later, but right now, Ah got some wrongs to right.

I haphazardly throw on the first shirt and pair of pants I fished out of my dresser, not caring what I wore. I only had to worry about what I was going to say.

“Applejack, what happened last night...no...Applejack, it wasn’t your fault that...augh, no....Applejack, I love you, and if you...uggh!”

Nothing. I’ve got absolutely nothing. I don’t know how to console her, how to talk to her after something like this, whatever this is. At this point I can’t really imagine it being anything else but what it obviously appeared to be, despite my hope that it wasn’t. Applejack wouldn’t have ran.

She wouldn’t have cried.

I don’t bother with my shoes. I run down the hallway barefoot, barely mindful of the other occupants of the house. I jump down the last five stairs to the first floor and stumbled out the door, shutting it behind me.

It’s raining. The storm is picking up; it had started drizzling an hour or so ago, but at this point it’s just getting ridiculous. The bottom of my shirt flies against the wind, and I’m already soaked from the torrent.

It doesn’t matter. Personal comforts are arbitrary at this point. I have to stay on track. I can’t let my mind go astray. Not now. It can’t be now.

Focus….focus...Applejack...Applejack…

Her face fills my minds eye. Her emerald eyes glinting in the sunset, her lips curving into an unforgettable goofy smile, positivity and hope emanating from her expression of joy.

Applejack. Applejack.

I start to run.

Applejack. Applejack.

I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know where she is.

Applejack. Applejack.

But I know what I want to tell her.

Ah run down the muddy road, thinking rapid and quick thoughts.

Autumn. Have to find him. Have to talk to him. Ah can’t worry about what to say, Ah can figure it out when I find him, oh Celestia what if he ran off after I left, what if he left the farm and never wants to come back, where is he where is he?!

Ah run through the marketplace, which is pretty sparse of ponies. It’s probably because of this weather. Ah’m already soaked to the bone, and that last bolt of lightning nearly-

CRACK!

AH’M NOT SCARED! Startled, it just startled me.

Ah can’t pay no mind to the weather, even with this mud slowing me down and this wet fur weighing me down. Ah’m stronger than this. Ah’m an Apple. More importantly than that, Ah’m Autumn’s friend. Ah can’t let him down. Ah can’t let him go. Ah can’t leave him like I did before.

Ah have to find him.

Ah have to make it right.

Applejack Applejack Applejack Applejack.

Focus. Find her. Talk to her. Comfort her. Make it right.

My legs are pumping against the road to Ponyville; I’m running faster than I ever have in my life. I quickly brush my damp hair out of my face. Man, I should really get a haircu-

Applejack Applejack. Her eyes. Her face. Her laugh. Her smile.

“Applejack...Applejack…” I whisper to myself as I run. I have to give myself tunnel vision, have to focus until I can only think of her, can only see her, block out every other stupid thing that enters my head, because those thoughts just don’t fucking matter!

“Applejack...Applejack,” I spoke louder, stronger, more confident. Pushing myself to my limits, I ran into Ponyville, set on my goal.

Oh, Ah’ll never find him at this rate. He could be anywhere now; why would I leave? Why would I-

NO! Applejack, you will find him, you will get through this, and you will atone for what you’ve done! You are an Apple, consarnit, and you will find a way!

Oh hay, I’ve already searched half of Ponyville...Ah’m...Ah’m too tuckered out...gotta...gotta take a breather...just for a second…

Ah fall down in the mud on my side, breathing shallowly. Ah’d never run this hard in my life. Ah...Ah shouldn’t have pushed myself so hard.

“Autumn…” Ah whisper. “Ah’m sorry...Ah’m so sor-”

“APPLEJACK!”

My ear flips up and swivels, picking up the familiar voice. Ah shakily get to mah hooves and turn to the voice, and mah eyes widen at the sight.

Autumn, crazy eyed and soaked, is just bolting down the road, screaming at the top of his lungs.

“APPLEJACK!!”

Applejackapplejackapplejackwhereisapplejackapplejackapplejack?!??!

“A-Autumn!”

APPLEJACK!

I turn, almost unbelieving. But there she is, standing on unsure hooves at the side of the road, breathing hard. I don’t let myself catch my breath. I can’t waste any more time.

I run up to her, not thinking. I stop about two feet in front of her, just standing there, breathing raggedly. There’s that face. There’s those eyes. But the smile is absent.

“A-Autumn…” she breathes, looking a bit frightened. Gulping, she steeled her resolve and takes a shaky step towards me.

“Autumn, Ah can’t express in words how sorry Ah am. There’s no denying what happened. Everything points to it. We were in bed together, we had been drinking, you weren’t wearing anything...Ah took advantage of you. Ah should have been more c-careful with drinking, A-Ah should have been more responsible.” Tears began to fall from her angelic eyes as she spoke. “Autumn, Ah d-don’t even know h-how to begin to make this r-right. A-Ah...Ah don’t know if Ah can.”

Silence reigns, the only interruption being a crack of thunder. I take a step towards Applejack, closing the distance between us. I take a knee, looking her right in her beautiful eyes.

“A-Autumn…” she says as I place one hand on the back of her head and one behind the base of her neck. “W-what’re-”

She doesn’t finish. I interrupt.

“Applejack, what happened doesn’t matter.” She begins to protest, but I lean in slightly, causing her to pause. “You may regret it, but I don’t. Even if it was the worst possible thing, I don’t care, and I will never hold it against you. What you did woke me up. I learned something that I should have known for a long, long time.”

“A-Aut-”

I press my lips into hers. I don’t pay any mind the the foreignness of the situation, but only focus on her. The texture of her lips, the feeling of her wet fur between my fingers, and the emotion that floods my body:

Love.

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