Act I; The Fall. Chapter IV: Friendship is Bullshit, Part One

The rest of the day went by without a hitch, Diamond and myself got back to the library after only ten minutes of wondering around aimlessly, we had to cross another ridiculous bridge to get back into the real town, Rarity's shop being on the edge, with just a couple houses and some trees behind it. Nothing really exciting around her shop/home/whatever so we didn't stick around to have a look. Spike obviously turned up and asked about Twilight, I told him she was out shopping and we just had a conversation after that, wasn't overly exciting but I learnt a thing or two about dragons, or at least what Spike had learnt from Twilight and the few books on the creatures, which I found strange and made a not to talk to Twilight about it when she returned home. Whilst Spike learnt a thing about dragon lore in the human world.

"Basically Spike, Earth, as far as anyone knows, never had dragons, if we did we most likely killed them all." I had begun to explain.

"Why?" Spike asked.

"Because humans are cruel and assholes." I muttered, Spike tilted his head and gave a weird face but then went back to normal and sat still on the edge of Twilight's (maybe) bed, Diamond was also sitting down, but he was too busy cleaning his armour to really give a shit, I had tried seeing what his Cutie Mark was but his tail blocked it and I didn't feel like I knew him enough to pull on his tail to look at his ass. "Anyway, they are just stuff of fantasy and myth, many stories passed throughout the world of dragons and various bits of lore cropped up about them, their greed for gold and anything of value, mirrored races of dragon also became a myth, wingless dragons were a huge thing, still are really, in China. Believed to be Yin and Yang, good and evil, always a good dragon against a bad dragon, or as some stories would have you believe, they granted wishes because of their magic power." I said, trying to avoid as many Earth slurs as possible so I didn't have to explain what a TV was, I was pushing it with saying China but I'm sure Spike was more interested in the dragons themselves than the origin country. Chinese dragons traditionally symbolize potent and auspicious powers, particularly control over water, rainfall, hurricane, and floods. The dragon is also a symbol of power, strength, and good luck for people who are worthy of it. We even had myths of heroes who would either kill or ride dragons, usually kill sadly. Like a dude called Saint George, I don't even know if he was real or not, just. He told people he killed dragons for some reason. Also a guy called Beowulf, who went around killing mythical creatures because he was bored." I explained, Spike sat through all of that just nodded and smiling.

"What were they like? Size wise?" He asked.

"Usually the size of whatever city they were about to burn down from what I've read, huge fuckers who could easily burn places like Canterlot down, ponies don't seem at all ready for a war, no defences." I muttered.

"Oh we have defences, catapults, traps. You name it, I never took you onto the walls, and it’s a sight you might have enjoyed." Diamond grunted, I just ignored him.

"There were a couple stories I liked back in the day, can't remember the series name but I know the first was called Eragon, where some farmer boy finds a dragon egg and has to go fight an evil king who basically wiped out the dragons. Those were fucking amazing." I muttered.

"I'd like to have read those!" Spike shouted smiling.

"You would've got pissed, the dragons get wiped out from a stupid reason from what I remember and come back on an even dumber reason, plus the love story between the main character and an elf chick, just a human with pointy ears. Was utter bull." I replied quickly. "Plus the movie was utter shite." I added under my breath.

I continued telling Spike everything I could think of about dragons and even recited a couple short stories I knew about them, how I remembered after so long was beyond me but here I was, telling a dragon about, dragons. Diamond peaked up a bit of interest towards the end but after looking at a clock near the bed and noticing I'd been doing that shit for over an hour, I stopped. Spike seemed disappointed but after promising another session if and when I remembered anything we could do that again, that seemed to cheer him up for a bit but I had no intention to ever fulfil that promise. Spike wondered off downstairs and I just found myself standing at the window of the library looking out onto the town. The sun was beginning to set and the light of the dying sun bathed the world around me, I didn't realise how long I was looking out of the window but felt a couple tears forming for, some reason. Diamond was next to me, I couldn't see him but knew he was there. I'm pretty sure he tried to put a hoof on my shoulder but was too short. It made me laugh a little but just kept staring at the window. Neither of us said anything for ages, just, staring. The door downstairs opened and Twilight called up to Diamond and me. I turned slightly but then went back to the window. I was just so fixated watching the sun set for some reason, I didn't know it at the time, but this was the point I knew I would be in Equestria until I died, never to return home, it was all real. Everything was real. Spike, Twilight, Diamond. Celestia, all of it. Diamond wondered off when Twilight called again and I sat down on the bed, staring at the floor.

I didn't realise, but I had apparently fallen asleep at one point and as I woke I saw Twilight staring down at me from the side of her bed. She looked somewhat worried, with a slight sadness in her eyes but otherwise okay.

"Are you alright Aron?" She asked. I nodded.

"Ye-." I began and coughed. "Yeah I'm alright, just had the realisation that I'm here for good hit me finally." I muttered, Twilight nodded and stepped back, I leant up and noticed the lack of lighting in the room. "What time is it?" I asked. Twilight looked at the clock for a second.

"Almost eleven, Pinkie turned up for your party but I told her you were ill. Which by the sound of it, is technically true. The celebration is at midnight, so we can either go there now and be early, maybe see the Princess. Or wait around here, you missed dinner but there is some Pasta and cheese still left, as well as some remains of apple pie." Twilight replied. I nodded then thought about that, saying 'Apple Pie' now just sounded like a pony, mainly Applejack and Pinkie Pie mixed together, a hyper redneck? No thank you. I got up and began to walk down the stairs, looking out the window as I did and saw the moon was out, nearly at its highest. There was a strange sight on it, a bunch of creator scars in the shape of a unicorn. It looked like somebody had done a bombing run the size of the fan art, but I'm sure it was just some magic bullshit about that Nightmare Moon character.

Shit! She's returning tonight, I had to defend Twilight from whatever the fuck it was that was coming back. Shit.

"Legend has it that on the longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her escape, and she will bring about night-time eternal." Twilight muttered, staring at the moon.

"That's tonight isn't it?" I asked, obviously Diamond and Celestia wanted Twilight kept in the dark that Celestia had a plan for Twilight, but if she already knew about Nightmare Moon, then I might as well play dumb to an extent. I was just worried what could be so dangerous that Twilight wouldn’t be able to deal with it, and need a guard. Let alone a guard with a guard. I was just beginning to pray that the whole 'guard' thing was just for show. Prayed so fucking hard, even to Nightmare Moon at some point. I didn't want to fight, I couldn't fight, let alone kill anything. Never. I wrong I was amiright future story me?

"Yes." Twilight muttered, I put a hand on her shoulder and she nodded. Smiling slightly. "But with my friends, and you two by my side, I'm sure we can win against her." Twilight added.

"Just, talk to your friends, tell them your plan." I muttered, Twilight just nodded and together we headed downstairs. I was greeted by Diamond who looked genuinely worried for a second, before noticing me and going back to pissed off look. Spike was also sitting at a table looking at me, chewing on what looked like a sapphire. Holy shit. Spike eats gems? Damn. Expensive tastes.

"Spike, go get the left overs will you?" Twilight asked calmly, the dragon nodded and walked into the kitchen, after a second he walked back in with a bowl of pasta. It looked pretty good, if slightly cold, but I really didn't complain, now I had seen food I was starving. I sat at the table and picked up a spoon that was already next to the bowl and began to eat.

"Are you alright now Aron?" Spike asked. I nodded.

"Mmm, yeah I'm cool, I think it was just the realisation of being here finally hit me, it's so different than Earth. But I'm sure I'll get used to it." I replied, Spike nodded.

"We have an hour to get ready for the Celebration, Celestia hasn't brought any guards apparently. Which means Mirrors isn't here." Diamond grunted, I smiled and laughed slightly.

"Thank fuck." I muttered after chewing a bit more.

"Mirrors?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah, he is another guard who was tasked with 'looking after me' whilst in Canterlot, basically a male pinkie Pie, only, more unstable emotionally." I explained, Twilight nodded after a second.

"Bit mean." She grunted.

"One moment he was trying to lick my arms or some shit and was the most annoying fucker in the world, the next he threw a fucking apple at me because I told him I was here because of magic." I grunted back, Twilight shut up after that.

"Did he really throw an apple at you?" Diamond asked.

"Yeah whilst you were being a little bitch and waiting outside, he started eating my food and kept throwing it at me. Bitch hurt me." I muttered, Diamond nodded.

"Did you just call Diamond a female dog?" Spike asked.

"No Spike, it's a human thing I believe, called swearing, and it's apparently bad, so don't do it." Twilight muttered, I wanted to pat her on the head, well done Twilight, you win a cookie.

"Oh I see." He muttered and didn't say much else, the pasta was pretty good, pasta isn't really done right unless you're in like Italy or something, but besides that it was alright, the cheese was good too, I suppose it would have been freshly made, or at least fresher than Earth food, I had yet to see a Tesco or Walmart around here and since this was very medieval era of technology, I doubt they had long distance trade of food sorted out or anything like that. I quickly ate, not noticing how hungry I really was and continued to sit, Diamond had some book which I couldn't see the title of, Spike had gone, somewhere and Twilight was sitting on the other end of the table.

"So Aron, tell me of Earth." Twilight muttered after a couple minutes of silence.

"What do you want to know?" I asked. Twilight blinked a couple times there, obviously not expected that, for some reason.

"Well, humans, what are they like?" She asked, gesturing a hoof at me.

"Honestly it depends who you ask, I think we're all assholes and it's why I'm so socially awkward, and I hate people." I muttered, Twilight nodded but said nothing, waiting for me to add anything.

"Humans are flawed, we are one of many creatures of Earth, and yes we are the smartest of them, brain power anyway, but we have no respect for other animals nor the environment, we destroy the environment and cut down forests much faster than they can rebuild. We kill for the sake of it and a lot of us are generally idiots. There is much destruction behind our race, but also great beauty, some buildings and artwork that people made are utterly stunning, a lot of it is religious so doesn't count, but still. It's pretty good.
"Though we are never contempt with just having what we have and being happy, if I have a stick, and the man over there has a tree, I want a forest. That kind of logic, it's how war has grown as well, you throw a stick at me, I'll make a stick with a rock on the end, the weaponry we have now scares me and idiots are in control of it most of the time." I said, Twilight nodded and looked to be about to take notes by picking up a quill and ink pot, but she didn't have a bit of paper at hand apparently, fuck knows where the pen came from, but conjuring paper was just taking it to far.

"So why aren't you so violent?" She asked.

"I'm too cynical and sarcastic to really mix in with the violence of my race, and to be fair, it's only those in power who are war addicted, and certain countries, just a lot of people blend in together and are just carbon copies of each other, I'm one of many who try to be unique, but am probably a cliché in my own little way." I muttered, she nodded.

"I see. Ponies are quite like that as well, many of us blend into the background, but others seem to just have.-" She trailed of a little bit there but then continued before I could say anything. "-More colour to us I suppose?" She muttered, clearly struggling with her description. I let her of though because she clearly wasn't experienced in description.

"Alright, maybe we aren't so different?" I asked, smiling slightly.

"Except we don't know much about war." I heard Diamond muttered from the other side of the room, I turned to him and he was just staring at me.

"Do you have to be so fucking far away, you're meant to be a guard." I said sternly, looking at Spike and Twilight sitting at the table close by. Spike laughed a little.

"Which means that I have to guard the highest priority in my proximity, which is you and Miss Twilight." Diamond replied, well shots fires to Spike for not being guarded.

"You ain't in no proximity a mile away prick." I muttered, Diamond nodded slightly but kept where he was.

"I can see the window and doorway here, plus am against the door, so if anyone were to break in, I can see maximum entrances and can defend a point to a fall back zone if required." He said eventually, clever bastard.

"That's a good idea Diamond, but I don't think anyone is breaking in." Twilight replied, literally as she said that there was a huge crash and the window upstairs exploded in glass and a blue blur flew into the room. I was up in an instant, throwing the table to the floor with as much strength as I could muster and in the process knocking Spike of his chair, twilight jumped up as her furniture was thrown onto the ground, at the same instance Diamond ran forward with his spear down on top of the object that just bombed Twilight's house.

Turns out it was fucking Rainbow Dash.

"Surrender your weapons and come quietly criminal!" Diamond shouted, aiming the spear down on top of Rainbow's face. She cried out slightly and called for Twilight, when I heard the voice I came up from behind the table, there lay a very pinned down Rainbow Dash, and considering she just flew throw a fucking window, not a cut on her. Twilight also got up, holding onto Spike with a hoof, who seemed dazed from the fall, but no obvious injuries. I doubt a table would cut into dragon scales. If it could, why wasn't more weapons made of table.

"Waitwaitwaitwait!" Rainbow shouted. Diamond didn't stand down and just glared at her, a glare that would have made me piss myself if I was in Rainbow's shoes. She didn't however, proves how manly I am.

"Diamond!" I shouted, he looked up at me for a split second and I generally wanted to hide behind the table after the look.

"Stand down!" Twilight shouted, Diamond looked at her too and back to Rainbow. Then got off her but kept the spear aimed at her, even as she stood up.

"What the fuck are you doing Rainbow?" I shouted, holy shit that had scared me.

"I'm sorry!" She cried back. "I wanted to ask Twilight if she is still going to the Summer Sun Celebration." She added.

"You could have used a door!" Twilight shouted.

"I was flying closer to the window." Rainbow argued, Twilight hoof palmed and I could have ended Rainbow there and then, what a dick move.

"Well you best be repairing that shit. Of course we are going, I was eating and we still have like a fucking hour." I grunted, Diamond relaxed a little bit, seeing that Rainbow wasn't much of a threat, but his spear stayed down.

"I will, promise. I wasn't sure alright?" Rainbow said quickly, looking to Diamond for a second.

"Rainbow Dash." Twilight said calmly. "Calm down, go back to town hall, we will see you there." She added. Rainbow nodded and stretched her wings out, Diamond edged closer, making the tip of his spear touch her feathers and she put them back, trotting towards the door.

When she left, Twilight looked pissed.

"What was that?" She shouted. Looking between me and Diamond.

"I reacted as trained towards an unknown intruder." Diamond muttered, returning his weapon to its 'resting' spot and stepping back to his little corner.

"What he said." I muttered.

"You flipped my table." Twilight replied, looking at the broken plates and glass on the floor.

"I had no idea what it was." I argued, slightly louder than intended. Then calmed a bit, heart still racing. "I'm sorry, I shall clean it up." I muttered.

"Please do. Now, Diamond." Twilight said looking to said guard. "Why did you nearly kill one of my friends? Twice." She added.

"The first time on charges of assault of a high ranking officer, Temporary Defender of Harmony, Aron of Earth, the second time on charges of breaking and entering and threatening movements towards both Princess Celestia's personal student Miss Twilight Sparkle, and Temporary Defender of Harmony, Aron of Earth." Diamond replied calmly, not even a fault in his words. Twilight blinked a couple times after that and wasn't sure how to react for a bit, until she calmed down a little and nodded.

"Fine, just don't let it happen again. Rainbow Dash is a friend, not a threat." She muttered.

"Be fair, Diamond is a Royal guard, anything that isn't royal is deemed as a threat. They are elite troops. Right?" I said, defending him. I knew a couple army dudes back on Earth and honestly they weren't right in the head because of the shit they had seen. You hear stories where people will have panic attacks because they heard a drill and thought it was a gun shot or something. That would be hell. Diamond probably has to live like that, anything that isn't deemed a threat is a threat, and there is no way to deem something none threatening, I'd be surprised if he didn't stab me if I even made a move against a pony in the street without his say. It's how people like him live. Twilight nodded and her horn began to glow, lifting the table up and putting it back in its spot, then gathered the shattered plates and walking into the kitchen with them.

"Thank you." Diamond muttered eventually.

"That was interesting." Spike grunted.

"Yeah..." I muttered. "Are you alright Spike? Sorry 'bout that." I asked, Spike nodded and smiled.

"Yeah I'm fine, just try not to flip the table like that again eh?" He asked, I laughed slightly and nodded. Twilight came out of the kitchen with her horn of and a slight smile on her face.

"Shall we go to the celebration then Aron?" She asked.

"Are you hitting on me?" I asked, jokingly.

"Would you like me to?" Twilight actually replied, holy shit.

"My body is ready." I muttered.

"Kinky." Was her reply, holy shit. Never again. Diamond coughed after that and I laughed, getting up from the table towards the stair way up where I had left all my clothes. "Gimme two seconds, gotta get a jumper, dunno how cold it is outside." I muttered and ran up to grab one, some grey piece of shit, I didn't see what it was exactly, didn't matter really. Just a jumper. I put it on and zipped it slightly and ran down the stairs again.

"Alright I'm good." I muttered, Twilight nodded and began to walk to the door, Diamond stood up and Spike climbed onto Twilight's back and sat down, she didn't seem to notice, or care. I walked over to Twilight and the now open door, warm air coming in and Diamond was behind me fairly quickly. Twilight walked out and we all followed, a unicorn, a dragon, a human and a royal guard all walking towards town hall. I could hear the noise of ponies already and see the building, it was the only one lit up. How I wasn't sure, but lights there were. Orange, yellow and white banners were all over the building as well as what I presumed was Celestia's royal banner, the one I had briefly seen back in Canterlot but didn't have enough interest in actually looking at. They had her Cutie Mark in the centre with a cross of yellow strips on a white background with a slightly spiked bottom to the otherwise rectangular banner. They were dotted all over the town hall and pegged into the ground outside. As we got closer I could see some ponies stood outside or flew outside looking in the windows, just having some fresh air I presumed, and the air was fresh, warm too. Much warmer than I had anticipated. We got to the doors of the town hall and just entered without any issues or whatever, none of the ponies seemed to care much I was wondering around, which meant I was fairly grateful for that. Ignoring me would mean I wouldn't get self-conscious and Diamond wouldn't kick anybody's ass. Inside was packed, ponies had filled the entire room all chatting about one thing or another, silk and banners littered the inside much like outside and a couple of Diamonds brethren were dotted around unarmed, obviously there for ceremony not expecting a fight.

"How long do we have?" I asked. Twilight looked around and looked up at ceiling, well, a big clock above the stage. It had been about 20 minutes so we still had ages. I wasn't overly sure what to do for fucking 40 minutes so just stood and had some idle chatter with Twilight, Spike and Diamond. I was slightly tired but not too much, nothing overly interesting was really mentioned and the 40 minutes went pretty slowly, but it was a nice bonding moment between the four of us. Eventually the light dimmed and some cream brown pony with grey hair and glasses walked out on stage, there were a couple cheers from the ponies in the crowd but it didn't last very long.

"Ponies of Ponyville, in just a few moments Princess Celestia will raise the sun in celebration of the longest day of the year, so now. It is my great honour to welcome our Princess. Princess, Celestia." The mare called out, cheers erupted in the crowd again and I caught sight of Twilight looking at the bombed moon but I chose not to say anything, bird song began and I caught sight of Fluttershy hovering with a dozen birds or so on a balcony near the stage. Rarity stood to the side, just in sight and she pulled on a rope to unveil the closed curtains. They opened quickly and everyone cheered again, but instead of Celestia standing by waving a hoof or doing whatever Princesses do, there was nothing. Rarity looked into the unveiled balcony but nobody was there. She gasped loudly and murmurs began around the crowd, Diamond clicked his spear down and began to look around all over the room, the remaining guards began to do the same but it didn't look anywhere near as decent without any weapons. What were they gonna do if they found a bandit with a tied up gagged Celestia unarmed? Some were unicorns so I suppose they get magical support but still. What good would unarmed guards do against some guys who were trained enough and paid enough to kidnap, or horsenap a Princess? The Princess.

"This can't be good." Twilight muttered, I looked to her and raised an eye brow. "What?" She asked. Well done Sherlock Sparkles. You win another cookie!

I looked out at the window and caught sight of the moon and gasped slightly. The creator face of the unicorn was gone and it looked like an average everyday moon.

"You know what, I agree. We should leave." I muttered, if the whole idea was Nightmare Moon returning and Diamond and myself, mainly Diamond were meant to guard Twilight, maybe not in the general public where the crowd was beginning to panic, wasn't the best place to be. "Diamond, back to the library. Now!" I ordered, he looked around a bit more and saw the chaos slowly brewing and nodded. As we got to the door, they flew open and a dark cloud of blue and black flew in, knocking me to the ground and winding me. It flew over to the stage and began to transform in a pony. Another Alicorn, a black, skinny body with long curvy wings and a long horn. Bright blue armour on her hooves and chest, crescent moons all over it and a Cutie Mark of a purple ink stain with a bright blue moon in it. Well this wasn't Nightmare Moon or my name was Aron.

"Muhahahahaha! Your puny, pathetic Princess is far from here My Little Ponies. We am your Princess now. There can only be one in Equestria!" The newcomer shouted, a strange accent to her voice. "Bow down before your Princess of The Night! And say goodbye to your precious day!" She shouted.

"Who are you?" Some smart ass in the crowd asked, as they did the Pegasi among the guards began to fly towards Nightmare Moon, only for her to laugh again and strike them all with lightning. Diamond prepared to charge but I grabbed him when I saw the four guards drop to the ground burnt and smoking slightly. The rest began to charge but were equally thrown aside with a wave of her hoof and the glowing of Nightmare's horn.

"Does our image not ring any bells? Were we really gone so long for thy to have forgotten us truly?" The Alicorn asked, looking through the crowd, I stood out like a brick in a pile of flat sand, but she didn't seem to notice me. Until Twilight opened her big mouth.

"I do!" She shouted, a couple dramatic gasps from the crowd. "You're the Mare in the Moon, Nightmare Moon!" She added. Taking a step forward. I crouched down a little but would still have been visible.

"Then you know why I am here?" She shouted.

"Yes. You're here-." Twilight paused suddenly, having to think. Did she forget her lines? "You're here to-." Another pause, oh the fucking anticipation.

"You're here to get rid of day time or some shit. Have everlasting night." I shouted, why, I don't know. The pony on stage looked at me and opened her mouth to show off an arsenal of fangs instead of teeth.

"What do we see before us? A mortal not of this world. Fuelled by Wild-kin Magic, but it lays dominate until its calling." She said, looking at me and walking around on stage a little. "Come here to watch The Fall. Only one creature alive could have brought this alien here. Only one." Nightmare muttered, smiling. She turned to vapour again and just flew out the front door and into the night without another word. Ponies began to lose their shit after that, running around screaming, calling out for Celestia, the Mayor, whoever that may be, maybe the cream pony from earlier. For any sort of help. A couple went to the downed guards and I'm pretty sure a pony had her hair ablaze, somehow.

We just left the building before it randomly collapsed under the weight of all the panic, because if a pony was randomly on fire, then a building could just fall down like that. Diamond was searching the skies for Nightmare Moon and Twilight kept looking back into the building, I caught sight of all of Twilight's friends running out in a big blob of colour. The only one who didn't look terrified was Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy looked like she was about to cry, though Rainbow looked more angry than scared. But I don't know if that was because of Diamond or not.

"Who in Equestria was that?" Rainbow asked.

"That, was the Mysterious Made in the Moon, Nightmare Moon. She has returned after a one thousand year banishment to make night eternal." Twilight replied, a couple gasps came from the five of them and Fluttershy did a weird whimper thing.

"Well let's go stop her. Where did she go?" Rainbow Dash asked, flying up higher into the air, besides when she was under Diamond, I had yet to see Rainbow on the ground. Her wings just get tired after hours of flight.

"I don't know. We need to go to the library and find out." Twilight said, I looked to Diamond who just nodded.

"She went to the old castle in the Everfree. There are some artefacts there called the Elements of Harmony which will stop her." Diamond muttered, everyone looked at him.

"How do you know?" Rainbow asked angrily.

"Princess Celestia told me, and Aron. We are here to make sure Twilight and her friends reach the castle safely." Diamond said. "Me mainly, Aron is here because he has been infused with wild magic and must stay in Equestria, I wasn't told why." He added, looking to me. If Celestia hadn't told him it wasn't up to me to spread that word around so I just shrugged. Twilight stood still for a second before nodded and smiled slightly.

"Alright then, let's go stop Nightmare Moon!" She declared and started walking, then turned to Spike. "Wait here Spike, it's dangerous where we are going. And I want someone here to keep check on things in Ponyville." She said to him, he climbed off but looked a little hurt. Honestly I was fine with that, meant we wouldn't have to watch over a baby as well. I'd argue his fire breath would come in handy, if he had it. But since we were gonna be in the Everfree Forest, the main word there being Forest. I didn't really want a fire breathing dragon wondering around surrounded by trees and shrubbery. So I didn't say anything and Spike fucked off and the eight of us began to walk towards the Everfree. Twilight seemed to know where she was going and everyone just seemed to follow her lead. We reached the edge of the forest and I heard Pinkie mention something about caramel apples or something just as random. We entered and the already dim light got dimmer under the tree coverage that the dark wood trees provided, everything looked incredibly eerie and I really didn't like how the forest looked, I had mentioned it felt weird to look at, it was ten times worse actually being in this place.
The one thing that just kept coming to mind was how ridiculously dark it was in this fucking forest, I wouldn't have been able to see anything if it weren't for the fact Twilight and Rarity had their horns glowing in an attempt to produce light. Though even with that I could barely see Diamond, Pinkie Pie was just, gone and Rainbow Dash was flying above apparently. So fuck knows where she went.

Not much happened to begin with, there were a lot of strange animal calls deep in the forest and a lot of worried sounds from the ponies every now and again, not that I wasn't scared though, this place scared the crap out of me. Diamond was on edge the entire time. Swinging his spear around all over the place at every slight noise. I was torn between feeling safe or not, I felt safe with Diamond here. But not without a weapon of my own. I did ask Twilight at one point if she could conjure a sword or something but she didn't know any spells like that. Which was a bit of a body blow but if the worse came to the worse, I knew which way to run.

We ended up on some really rocky cliff, trees behind us and down in the gorge below, but nothing up here except for some bushes and scrubs. Rainbow Dash was talking about something and slowly creeping towards Rarity and Pinkie Pie but I wasn't listening enough to care. Suddenly she shouted and I jumped suddenly, a second passed and the ground suddenly began to crumble under me and I yelled out. I saw the others fall down as well and heard a horn begin to glow behind me. I screamed out a little as I found myself falling towards the dark ground below me but was quickly engulfed in a magical aurora from Diamond and slowed, touching the ground slowly and safely. I looked around for the others and saw Diamond standing next to me panting slight and his horn dispersing its magic and Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash carrying Rarity and Pinkie Pie, Twilight and Applejack were nowhere to be seen. Until Rainbow cried out and her and Fluttershy flew up and caught the falling unicorn, why she was so delayed in falling from the destroyed cliff is beyond me but after looking back up at where we had just been, I saw Applejack jumping down a convenient way down without as much as a scratch. The two Pegasi put Twilight down who was panting and breathing heavily, she smiled when Applejack regrouped with us.

"Ah told ya to trust me." Applejack said, Twilight nodded then said:

"Thank you." Quietly, we then moved on towards what looked like the opening of a ravine, some more fucking trees were on the other end and some storm clouds could just be seen far ahead. I supposed that was where we were going so once everyone was sorted with falling down a cliff. I started off in that direction and the rest soon followed. I wasn't sure why I decided I was gonna lead the group suddenly. But nobody complained. Twilight looked a bit confused but didn't say much. We managed to get to the ravine before shit hit the fan, some huge fucking lion thing turned up. Well, I thought it was a lion, when the fucker spread a pair of wings out and a huge red scorpion tail appeared behind it. Some Greek mythology knowledge rushed back to me.

"Manticore!" I shouted, the ponies stepped back and Diamond ran in front of me. I needed a fucking weapon. "Diamond, tell me you have a spare spear or something for me." I grunted. He didn't look back, just staring at the beast. Which just roared and looked to be about to charge.

"I can't do that sir. I don't have any spare weapons, nor would I be allowed to put you in harm’s way by giving you a chance to fight." Diamond muttered back.

"Fuck you." I grunted, Diamond took a step forward, locking eyes with the manticore, the creature raised a paw and gave off another roar. Diamond likewise shouted and looked to be about to charge. He growled a little and took a step forward, just as he did. Fluttershy shrieked.

"Wait!" She shouted. The manticore stopped growling and Diamond stepped back to his original position, not moving, spear aimed ready. Fluttershy ran forward towards the beast, I made to grab for her but missed. None of the other ponies did anything and Diamond was fixated on the beast to notice Fluttershy running right at it.

"There there little guy. It’s okay." Fluttershy whispered when she was close. Diamond shook his head a couple times and made a move toward Fluttershy. Slowly. The manticore didn't make any move against Fluttershy and actually whimpered at one point. "Come on show me what the problem is." The yellow Pegasus said. The manticore raised a paw and Diamond ran forward a little. But Fluttershy had the paw in her hoof, a thorn was poking out of the creature’s hand.

"Fuck me. That's some fucking bullshit right there." I muttered. I heard a roar and noticed Fluttershy had the thorn in her mouth and the creature was screaming again. Diamond rushed forward with his spear out, but was stopped again when the manticore start licking Fluttershy and make dog/puppy noises. Diamond stopped and raised his spear, looking at the manticore basically play with Fluttershy like a happy dog would. He turned to me with an expression just telling me he had had enough of this bullshit already. I just nodded.

We carried on walking, the lion beast thing just staying behind practically purring as we went by and Fluttershy with a 60s something hairdo after the manticure licked her as thanks. Nobody really said anything, Pinkie Pie was laughing at Fluttershy's mane and the others had at least referenced what just happened, so by nobody said anything. Diamond and I said nothing. Diamond probably thinking that boring guard life was a lot better than this shit, and I was thinking I was already done with ponies and wanted to go home. Fuck it.
The short peace didn't last very long as we reached a river, a very fast flowing, dangerous looking river with no visible way across. I actually thought this was going to be an issue until I saw a giant purple and blue serpent thing splashing around in the water crying. I heard a voice from somewhere reassuring the thing. But I wasn't sure where it was coming from, let alone how I managed to hear it over the splashing water and running stream.

"Oh no, my beautiful moustache! Not again!" the sea serpent yelled. He cried and tossed himself around like someone just broke his fucking arm or something.

"Steven, calm down. It will grow back like it did before." The strange, invisible voice I previously mentioned replied. The serpent didn't seem to notice us, nor the invisible voice. Diamond had his spear aimed down again and Twilight just staring up at the huge creature. Not saying anything. I did notice Rarity's reaction however and she looked like this serpent just sat on her cat and then made himself more comfortable on the chair on top of said now dead cat. That's shock for those who aren't used to shitty metaphors.

"But this time it was a strange purple cloud! How do you know that?" The serpent, who I supposed was called Steven, cried. Splashing again and a large tilde wave formed under his thrashing. I took a couple steps back but when I saw it wasn't so big we were in danger, I just let the water works start and after about a second under water I was a few steps back from where I was utterly soaked. Everyone else was and everyone else looked about as pissed off as I felt.

"Err, Steven... Visitors." The invisible voice muttered, the water began to calm as the serpent stopped screaming and looked down at us. I could properly see him now and noticed his light brown hair from Fallout or some shit, and half a moustache, one curly bacon-like thing on his left, and a cut off piece on the other. I honestly wanted to laugh but since this guy seemed like the gayest serpent in the universe, I didn't want to mention anything. Not cuz it was polite, obviously. But I knew many gay, even bisexual people who overreacted to no end with something they have this. fabulous. Hell, I knew of straight guys who acted like that, only swap fabulous-ness with sport.

"Evenin'." I muttered. Nobody else saying anything, all just glaring at him. Although when I looked back from the serpent, everyone. BUT ME. Was dry as a bone and their hair was back to normal. The fuc- Actually, I don't care. Moving on.

"What sort of monster are you?" Steven screamed and raised his arms up as if I was going to hit him or something.

"The name is Aron, I'm a human, not of this world. Here because fuck God, well. Goddess, apparently." I replied, bowing slightly. Twilight face palmed, but I'm not overly sure why.

"Ah-ron?" Steven replied. I nodded. "Ohh, okay. Well I'm Steven, Steven Magnet." The serpent said and bowed likewise. I heard a cry that legitimately sounded like someone cried oh fork. Which was properly what was said, since a small knife with black arms and legs like a shitty cartoon character fell out of this serpents hair and cut into the ground beneath my feet. It waved its arms and legs around a little bit before apparently giving up and just sitting their quietly. For all of two seconds.

"Any help?" The knife. Like, the fucking knife asked. I stepped back and wasn't sure how to react, I'd already seen talking ponies, a manticore, and a fucking serpent in the middle of a forest, so why not a knife? A talking, cartoon, sentient knife. It's probably best to just accept it and move on. I didn't care and if I could I'd bring him along to go bitch slap Nightmare Moon. Eventually it was Twilight Sparkle who helped him out, putting an aurora of purple magic around him and pulling him out of the ground. The knife brushed himself down and nodded. Somehow.

"Thanks Twilight." The knife said, mentioned pony jumped back slightly.

"How- how. Do.-" Twilight began, muttered.

"Know your name? Well I know you. My name is Nick. Or as Princess Celestia named me. Sir Knifely the Sharp." The knife interrupted. Twilight stepped back again, then thought about it and smiled.

"Sir Knifely? By Celestia. I remember you. What, happened to you?" Twilight asked.

"Twi. Why do you know this talkin' knife?" Applejack asked, clearly concerned, the rest of the background ponies nodded together.

"Well I was forged by a blacksmith in Canterlot, for Celestia. She lost me and I was thrown between griffons, ponies, alcoholics and a giant green lizard thing for seven years. Then Twilight here came into the bar I happened to be 'staying' in on a date with some mare. And threw me out the window with magic, somehow that brought me to life and I was impaled in a tree. I meet Steven here and we have been friends ever since." Nick explained. Twilight blushed at the mare thing and I smiled slightly, I barely knew her but wouldn't have expected her to like other women, I figured she was Twisexual. With all the fucking science time she seemed to have. Although how friendly she was to her friends. Her being at least bi wasn't too hard to think about.

"I see." Twilight muttered. "I'm not sure how panic spells would cause you to come to life, butttt. It’s happened." She added. "You know me, these are my friends Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Diamond, Pinkie Pie and Rarity." Twilight said, pointing to each mentioned pony as she said their name. Steven practically had a serpent version of a nerdgasm when Twilight pointed to Rarity.

"Oh my! What a mane!" He squeaked, smiling widely. Rarity looked at her ass for some reason and blushed.

"Oh this thing? It's nothing darling." She replied smiling back.

"Oh nonononoNO. It's marvellous, you must teach me how you do it!" Steven screamed back.

"Well I don't know how the local populace will react to a huge Serpent turning up, no offence dear, but with that hair. You would be welcome any day!" Rarity cried back. "But what happened to your moustache?" Rarity asked. Now, not to be one to skip a part of a story or any of that crap, but shit like this passed between the two of them for over ten minutes before (spoilers) Rarity just picked up Nick, mid conversation with me cuz we'd all shut off except Rarity and Steven. She'd cut of her tail and tied that to the end of Steven's ruined moustache, making it more ridiculous than it already was and giving the fucker another gleeful scream. They talked for a bit more before he seemed pretty cheered up and we were allowed to pass.

"I know!! I'll lay down and you can all cross." Steven said, I just shrugged as he lay down on the ground and Twilight and friends began to walk across.

"Well Nick, whenever Steven comes over for a fucking fashion trip to Rarity's, come over to the massive tree library thing, that's where I'm staying. We can continue this and since you don't seem like a guy to be dragged to that shit. We can just hang out if ya want." I said as I began to climb up Steven's face.

"Absolutely, I'll see you around Aron. Knife you later." Nick replied. I laughed slightly, that wasn't even a pun. Not really. Diamond was somehow already across and as I jumped off Steven I looked to Diamond, his legs were slightly wet but that was it.

"It's like two foot deep isn't it." I muttered. Diamond walked into the river quickly to prove the water was all of an inch deep, just very dark water. I face palmed and Diamond laughed slightly, his dry shitty laugh.

"You mentioned the pointlessness of Ponyville bridges, I wanted to see if the same logic was here. Apparently it is." He replied.

"Diamond, when we're done here. Grab a shovel and join me in purging the world of shit rivers by digging the streams at least two foot deeper so they have some use." I grunted. Diamond just nodded and we continued down the slightly boring forest.

Author's Notes:

Fun fact, in the original story line, Spike turns up twice in the whole series and has one line which is 'where do you think I've been' when twilight asks where he had been the whole series. He then disappears for the remaining story, he is presumed dead.

ironically this chapter was actually in FotW 2 originally and lasted about four chapters, so a lot of crap has been cut out and it's still longer than FotW 1 & 2, twice nearly (each are about 10k words)