“How can I be pregnant?” I ask.

“Well,” the nurse says. “When two ponies love each other very much…”

“I know that, for fuck’s sake!” I exclaim. Even Kyrie opens one eye and looks at me curiously before falling asleep again. “I just don’t know how could it happen, when I last had sex months ago, on a different continent, and I even wasn’t in heat at that time!”

“Well, travelling is not a form of contraception,” the zebra mutters. “I’d say it even increases the chance of, umm… infection.”

Dammit. I’m pretty sure this is some fucking dream. And it’s probably cooked up by Vinyl, given the fact that this zebra nurse just rhymed. Yes, it’s definitely Vinyl’s fault, even if it was Tyluan who got me pregnant. I wonder what he’ll say when he learns about that. Assuming Wild Hunt didn’t drown him in the river yet.

The door opens and my friends walk in, giving me and the nurse worried looks. They’re all wearing white pajamas for some reason.

“Hello,” Vinyl says. “I think I just heard your sweet voice…”

I dart out of the bed and pin her to the floor, holding her throat tightly. “You!” I shout. “It’s all your fault! I’m not sure how, but it definitely is!” Someone tries to drag me away, but it’s not so easy. After all I can teleport…

Well, I think I can. Apparently the room is teleportation-proof, so the first attempt ends with me hitting the wall.

“You’d better calm down,” the nurse says, dragging me back to my bed, kicking and screaming. “Or you’ll get a new gown.” She points at Kyrie. “A straitjacket comes in packet.”

“See?” I ask, giving Vinyl a nasty glare. “It’s her fault. Because only in her sick mind all zebras rhyme!”

“Hey, I’m trying to drop it,” the nurse says. “But it’s kinda hard when they only give retarded and diseased patients to zebra nurses because no one cares about them.”

“This sucks,” Hexie says. “But that’s probably better than picking cotton…”

“Hexie!” Daring Do shouts.

“Minuette, that’s how you thank me for ordering them to make all the tests hospital in Johaynesburg has available, including pregnancy test and the test for presence of stick in your ass?” Vinyl asks. “Also, can we know what category we belong to?”

“Both, until proven otherwise,” the nurse replies. “Given where you were before you ended up here, you may have Q fever, yellow fever, cholera, plague, dengue fever, tetanus, syphilis, tularemia, typhoid, gonorrhoea, diphtheria, pertussis, polio, and common cold, so we’ll have to wait until one of you starts shitting something that looks like water after cooking rice.”

“We were vaccinated, I think,” Ruby says. “At least I was.”

“I’ve had syphilis,” Vinyl mutters. “You can’t catch that again, can you?”

“No, that’s chickenpox,” I reply.

“Shit.” Vinyl scratches her mane. “It all makes sense now…”

“I had polio as a filly,” Daring Do says. “I spent a year in bed and read everything we had at home. And then everything my parents brought from the library.”

“This will look nice in your autobiography,” the nurse mutters. “But generally, if you don’t show any symptoms other than rabid pregnancy…” She looks at me. “... we will let you out soon.”

“Yeah,” I say and point at Kyrie. “Can you transfer her to another room? She wasn’t with us and we have no idea where she was before. Manegascar would be a safe bet.”

“Manegascar?” the nurse asked. “There were no news from them in ages. As far as I know, they’re a bit concerned about public health.”

“Anyway,” Daring Do says. “What are we gonna do? We can’t go to the South Pole before the quarantine is over.”

“Look on the bright side,” Inkie says. “Caballeron doesn’t know where it is either. Same goes for Aryanne, unless she wants to bust Kyrie out of the hospital.”

“Maybe she assumed Kyrie is dead,” Trixie says. “Unless our friend’s feelings aren’t unrequited.”

“I can always ask,” Hexie walks to Kyrie and shakes her. “Get up, sleeping knight. Your Vaterland needs you.”

“As for getting out, we can always blow some part of the hospital up,” Vinyl says. “Like, not the first time we do that.”

“You do realise that I can hear you?” the nurse asks. “I’d like to warn you that the security here is rather strict. For starters, the nurses don’t leave the ward until you’re proven healthy or dead.”

“In Equestria, we have hazmat suits,” I say. “Hexie, what are you doing?”

Hexie stops poking Kyrie. “She’s not waking up. Though I already think I know how to do that…” She stands in attention and smacks Kyrie in the face. “Gefreiter Kyrie! Schlafst du? RAUS!

“Jawohl!” Kyrie gets up as far as the belts let her, while trying to salute. Hexie says something quickly – from what I’ve heard from her, whenever she has to speak Pferdisch a lot, she lapses into Batvarian dialect, apparently due to spending a while in a small flat with, like, ten ponies from that area. I guess that’s also why she sounds like a combination of me, Berry, and Vinyl with a large portion of Ponish accent.

Kyrie apparently doesn’t follow that dialect all that well, though she seems to understand more than from my attempts at teaching her Equine. She nods from time to time, says a few sentences, and goes back to listening to Hexie.

“What are they talking about?” Vinyl asks.

“Pineapples,” Daring Do replies. “And sponges.”

“You must have fucked something up,” Ruby says. “Pineapples?”

“Don’t ask me,” the nurse says. “Zebrikaans is not that similar.”

Hexie pauses and turns to us. “Okay,” she says. “You know those guys who are quiet when they speak in a foreign language, but quite eloquent in their native one?” She points at Kyrie. “She’s not one of them. A typical pegasus. You look for her brain, you only find air and some clouds.”

Daring Do clears her throat. “Spare us those theories and focus. Should we expect a night bombing from her friends or not?”

“Well, she wants to go home, she wants to take a leak, she has low sugar and wants a pineapple, she needs a bath and snuggles, and maybe someone to give her a hoofjob, for all I know. When I asked her about Aryanne’s plans, she told me a long story about how they fucked the president of Manegascar over.” Hexie takes a deep breath. “She also wonders how long it’ll take to repair the airship. Apparently Aryanne is always concerned about it.”

“Well, Trixie messed it up a bit,” Trixie says. “Didn’t look like it was going to reach South Pole anytime soon.”

“You do realise that Kyrie may remember the words ‘South Pole’ if you keep repeating them?” Hexie asks. “It’s not that hard.”

“Okay,” I say. “Nurse, can I make a call somewhere?”

“The phone is in the corridor,” the nurse replies and walks to Kyrie. “I need to walk her to the toilet. If anyone needs something, my name’s Suider Hart.”

“Okay.” I turn to Trixie. “You know that gay bar in Maneaus? I need their phone number.”

If I recall correctly, there are, like, six hours of time difference between Maneaus and Johaynesburg. Given that it’s about 7 AM here, Wild Hunt may still be hanging out in her favourite watering hole.

Trixie shrugs. “Did you suddenly decide to become a lesbian?”

“I have their number.” Vinyl puts her hoof in her mane and produces a slightly bent and scratched box of matches. I grab it and get out of my bed. Damn, it feels like raising from the coffin. I apparently spent a lot of time in it.

I walk out of the room and find an old phone hanging on the wall. I can’t help but wonder how clever the monetary system in this country is: the local coins have exactly the same diameter as Equestrian silver bits, with the exchange rate being one to fifteen. This means I can comfortably use bits to pay for the phone while paying fifteen times as many as the locals.

Well, I’ll suck it up. I pick up the receiver and type the number. Judging by the watery sound of the beeps, the signal is relayed via some underwater town full of seaponies or some other shit.

Finally, someone picks up the phone and for a while I can hear the distant sounds of a party.

“Pardal des Colinas Verdes, Como posso ajudá-lo?” a deep voice asks.

For a moment, I thinking who the hell Pardal des something-somewhere is, until my mind shows me a picture of a very big and very lesbian mare working as a bouncer in the bar.

“Diesel?” I ask. “Is Wild Hunt there?”

“Wait a minute, I’m gonna take a look,” Diesel replies. For a moment I don’t hear anything. Then, I hear hoofsteps and someone picks up the receiver.

“Boss?” Wild Hunt asks. “This guy eventually paid, not my fault that piranhas–”

“No, it’s me, Minuette,” I reply. “Remember me?”

“Of course,” Wild Hunt says with a chuckle. “What’s up? Still with those bunch of losers and psychos? If you ever need a job, we have a plenty around here. I saw you fight and–:”

“Maybe one day,” I say. “I’m in Johaynesburg now and I’m a bit busy. Is Tyluan still in Maneaus?”

“He is.” Wild Hunt laughs. “A bunch of small-time mobsters from Hooviet Union tried to give him a second anus, but I pulled him out and instead one of them, previously known as Three-legged Malchik is now Two-legged Malchik.”

“Tell him that I have a small souvenir from our previous meeting at the back of the plane,” I say. “And I’m not sure what to think about it.”

“You’re clearly overestimating him,” Wild Hunt mutters. “He’ll never figure out that you’re pregnant.”

I sigh. “Okay, then just tell him that a bun is in the oven and ask what he’s gonna do about that. Also, I’m not sure how long I’ll be here, but then we’re heading south. As far south as it’s possible.”

“Such a climate change?” Wild Hunt asks. “Whatever you think, but he’ll freak out about the well-being of his heir. Once he regains consciousness, that is.”

“Tell him that he doesn’t have to be with me or anything if he doesn’t want to,” I say. Seriously, I need no stallion. Especially since the daddy, despite being fine and all, is still a mobster. My mother won’t approve.

“You must be joking. He’ll still freak out.”

“Whatever. He’ll have to fly on his own to catch up with me, so I have some time.” I put the receiver back. I already paid for this conversation enough to feed a small town for a week.

When I turn to go back to my room, I notice some big pony with an eyepatch sitting on a bench. On the other side of the bench there’s a bored-looking pegasus mare who does everything to not look at him. They’re both covered in bandages.

They look kinda familiar, though it takes me a while before it clicks. I approach the stallion, smiling.

“Certified dragons slayers, right?” I ask. “Down on luck, huh?”

The one-eyed pony looks at me and groans. “Don’t ask. First it turned out that our certified virgin needs to have her certificate revoked and then they quarantined Fuse because he’s a donkey. We’re sitting here for two weeks and it doesn’t seem like we’re getting out anytime soon.” He turns to the mare. “Yes, it’s all your fault.”

The mare bends her wing in a complicated way to show him her middle feathers. From what I know, it doesn’t mean anything nice.

“What’s the worst, I don’t even know when it happened…” the stallion says.

Shit. I think I know. “Excuse me, I need to talk to someone.” I rush back to my room and, since the nurse is still not back, I grab Vinyl and pin her to the wall.

“Certified virgin,” I say.

Vinyl furrows her eyebrows. “Certified, my ass. Maybe from the front, but not anymore, either.”

“Okay.” I look into her eyes. “Now you’ll go and explain that to this big one-eyed guy, okay?” I push her out of the room.

“What was that for?” Ruby asks when I close the door.

“Not something you need to know,” I reply. “Also, I just learned that quarantine may last for a while, at least if you’re a donkey.”

“We’re not,” Trixie says.

“Mom says one of our ancestors was a donkey,” Inkie mutters. “He lived in the forest, writing poetry and eating thistles.”

“You’d better not mention that fact to Suider Hart,” I say. “She seems okay, but I don’t think the rest of the staff holds her in high regards. Or any of us for that matter.”

“How is that even possible?” Hexie asks. “The kid would be a mule. One of my buddies was a mule. They can fuck as much as they want and they won’t get anyone pregnant.”

“Magic of ancient rocks,” Inkie replies. “At least that’s what mom said.”

“Yeah, sure.” I shrug. “You’d better think how to get out of here. I hope that at least the plane is in a safe place.”

“Hidden under branches in some quiet part of the river,” Daring Do replies. “Nopony is gonna find it. There was an abandoned hideout of diamond smugglers nearby, but nopony was there for ages.”

Ruby raises her hoof. “I’d like to point out that when we landed auntie Hexie complained about lack of fuel,” she says. “If we bust out of the hospital as usual, we’ll be fucked.”

Huh. For once she speaks like my daughter. We’ll need fuel and resources if we want to get to the South Pole and it’s not like we can go to a store and buy some winter jackets after we blow up a whole block.

The door opens and Suider Hart walks in, dragging half-conscious Kyrie with her. “She was trying to bust through bathroom window,” the zebra says. “It wasn’t a good way to go.”

“We see,” Inkie mutters, watching as Suider Hart ties Kyrie back to her bed and walks away. “So, windows are not an option.”

“How about paying somepony to let us out?” Trixie asks. “Trixie is a businessmare. There’s surely somepony with a salary low enough.”

“That wouldn’t be right,” Daring Do replies.

“Trixie would like to point out that we just considered blowing the hospital up.” Trixie sighs. “And remind me how exactly did you get into Brayzil?”

“Damn,” Daring Do mutters. “This will require a lot of writing around in order to avoid bumping the rating.” She looks at us. “Well, you all are rather not suitable for my target audience.”

“Fucking great, given that I’m your target audience,” Ruby says. Subtle as usual, kid. “I won’t be able to read about myself. What a load of–”

The door opens, interrupting her. Vinyl walks in and smiles at us. “I know how to get out of here!”

“How were the certified dragon slayers?”

“Molly and Toaster Frost?” Vinyl asks. “Fine. They’re digging a tunnel to get out of here. Like, they already have twenty yards.”

“How much more do they need?” Daring Do’s ears perk up.

“About three miles.” Vinyl nods. “If we help them…”

“Okay, call Suider Hart.”

Twenty minutes, a meeting with the hospital’s accountant, and one “additional examination to prove you’re fine”, we’re discharged as being in perfect health, although slightly poorer. Guess it could’ve been worse.

We walk across the town. Built as a settlement of gold miners, Johaynesburg is a mix of big, recently-built buildings and bizarre pieces of architecture made by the miners, who just needed something quick and cheap. The streets are rather crowded, mostly with zebras and ponies dragging their carts, carriages, and other vehicles around.

Well, given such a population density and the healthcare in neighbouring countries being less than stellar, no wonder they’re afraid of illnesses. Daring Do says the hospital we just left is one of the biggest in the world. Let’s hope those who are actually ill are not discharged as easily as we were.

“Couldn’t you put it a little closer?” I ask after about an hour of walking around the streets.

“The citizens would find it a bit weird if we flew right above their heads and we didn’t want attention,” Daring Do replies, giving Trixie a heavy glare.

“What?” Trixie raises her head. “Trixie didn’t do anything attention-y for weeks.”

Yeah, except the whole thing with those damn griffons, but I’d rather not bring that up. Especially since we get into a rather crappy neighbourhood, probably the outskirts of the town. Everyone looks like miners, smugglers, or both.

Oh, and I just noticed that they apparently let Kyrie out with us. She’s quiet; I’m not sure if she just tagged along, or is she blatantly following us. I guess she doesn’t know that either.

“That’s my kinda town,” Ruby says. “With all the bad colts and buildings that have, like, souls.”

I’m not sure what kind of soul a simple hut made of stolen wood and old signboards can have, but I guess she’s just romantic as every kid her age. “I thought you’ve had a crush on Button Mash?” I ask. “He’s anything but a bad colt, from what I know.”

“Yes, but that’s a longer perspective, for when I’m old like you and want to get married.” Ruby shrugs. “Before then, all bets are off.”

Dammit. She somehow ended up inheriting the worst traits of me, Berry, and Vinyl. Well, maybe except the shameless alcoholism, but I guess there’ll be time for that.

Meanwhile, we leave the town and walk towards the river. There are dense bushes and trees there, obscuring the view almost completely. Soon, Daring Do leads us to a small cave next to a shallow bay. Not far away from it, there’s a pile of leaves and branches seemingly stuck in the middle of the river. I guess that’s where our plane is.

“Hey, we meant to search that cave, didn’t we?” Vinyl asks. “You’ve said there were diamond smugglers here.”

Daring Do sighs. “Okay, but quick. And someone take care of Kyrie. Why is she walking with us?”

Hexie asks Kyrie something. The reply makes her smirk.

“She has nothing else to do, she can’t fly, Aryanne is hell knows where…” Hexie shrugs. “She just hopes we’ll give her something to eat.”

“Her loyalty lies in her stomach, then,” Trixie says. “Does anypony have some crackers or something? Trixie would eat something too.”

“Fatass’ mind is always fat,” Vinyl mutters. “Let’s explore this cave first.” She trots to the cave and disappears in the darkness. Dunno how about her, but after our recent meeting with Bastet, I’m kinda sick of caves, tunnels, and other underground facilities. Why none of the ancient civilisations built crystal spires ten thousand metres tall? That’d be awesome.

“Holy shit!” The echo of Vinyl’s voice reaches us. “Guys, come here, quick!”

“What did she find?” Daring Do asks, rushing to the cave.

“Slow and painful death,” Inkie mutters.

We look at her unsurely, but there’s no time to wonder about her state of mind. Knowing Vinyl, she probably really needs our help. If only to find a way out.

We find Vinyl not far away from the mouth of the cave. The room probably was abandoned a while ago; the ashes from the campfire and some broken tools are the only signs that someone was here. Well, except one thing.

“That’s totally metal,” Ruby mutters.

“Well, looks like wood to me.” Hexie knocks on the lid. “Oak. Should take a while before worms bite through it. Unless you just use it for show and burn the body in a cheaper one.” She looks at us. “What? My uncle was an undertaker.”

I look at Vinyl. “Okay, there’s a coffin here. Did you actually look inside, or you only called us so we could see it?”

“Maybe there are diamonds inside,” Daring Do says. Her eyes look like two diamonds now. Sometimes I think her greed will get her killed one day.

“More likely some fresh corpse,” Hexie says.

“Es ist nicht tot, was ewig liegt, und in fremder Zeit wird selbst der Tod besiegt,” Kyrie mutters.

“Yeah, deine Mutter,” Hexie replies.

“There’s only one way to know,” Daring Do walks to the coffin and opens it. “Huh. I haven’t expected that.”

The pony inside is pretty much alive, at least judging by the fact that he’s bound and gagged. He’s a grey stallion with black mane, sunglasses and some explosion-thingy as his cutie mark. If I recall Daring Do books correctly, his name is Withers.

Daring Do leans to him and removes the gag from his mouth. “What’s up, Withers?” she asks.

“I was kidnapped!” he exclaims.

“We see,” Trixie mutters.

“No, I was kidnapped twice!” he cries. “First time we were all kidnapped by some fucking pale clones...” He looks at our group and his eyes land on Kyrie. “Holy shit! It’s one of them!”

Kyrie raises her eyebrows, but before she can say something, Hexie punches her in the back of the head, knocking her out.

“What the fuck did you do?” I ask. “And what for?”

Hexie blushes. “Well… I thought that if his friends are still kidnapped, we may exchange them for her…”

“I won’t exchange anyone for Caballeron!” Daring Do turns to Withers. “What happened then?”

“Can you be a bit nicer?” Withers asks. “I don’t like being yelled at. Not to mention that the descriptions of me in the last book were rather unflattering.”

Daring Do sighs. “Is it about calling you ‘metrosexual’?”

“No, but ‘the gayest of Caballeron’s henchmen’ definitely stole the cake,” Withers replies. “Anyway, there was some kind of a battle, a big fucking rocket hit the airship, and I managed to run away. I ran across the desert, found a train station, got to Yohaynesburg and then I got kidnapped by the diamond smugglers. Fuck my life.”

“Yeah, dude, fuck your life indeed,” Vinyl mutters. “Girls, should we release him?”

“Not yet,” I say, turning to Withers. “It just happens that currently unconscious Kyrie and I also fell out of our respective flying machines on that day. Did you, by any chance, ran away with food and water supplies?”

Withers pales a bit. “Yes,” he replies. “We were kept next to their magazine and the rocket destroyed the wall between them.”

“I assume you also got a map and a compass?” I ask. “If I recall correctly, there’s a train line from Gabopone to Yohanesburg, a bit to the west from the battle site, but I wouldn’t know that without a map.”

“Well…”

“Not to mention that you probably had a lot of water. I started talking to vultures after only a few hours in the sun.”

“Okay, they let me out.” Withers rolls his eyes. “But none of us likes this deal, okay? We want to screw them over as soon as we can. And what I said about diamond smugglers is true.”

Suddenly, I hear the sound of a working engine. I rush outside of the cave to look at the plane, but that’s not it, luckily. However, there’s a small airboat coming to us, with three ponies sitting in it. As it approaches us, I can even recognise the engine – I guess it was “borrowed” from some small griffonian airship, complete with the propeller.

I turn back. “How did those smugglers look like?” I shout.

“A choleric old fart with sideburns, a sexy guy in his forties with a scar, and an angry teenage filly with a machete,” Withers shouts back. Totally not gay, my ass. “Why are you asking?”

“They’re coming here.”

Daring Do, Inkie, and Hexie join me on the shore as the airboat approaches us. The old stallion with white sideburns and a tam o’shanter gets out of it and runs to us, holding an old, rusty, black powder rifle in his mouth. Where did he get it? From my grandma? Hope he doesn’t try to fire this thing – it looks like it’s gonna fall apart and blow his teeth out.

Luckily, he doesn’t shoot. Instead, he starts yelling something at us in Zebrikaans.

“Can anyone explain to me what this guy means?” Daring Do asks. “I’m guessing it’s your cave, but I don’t get what is this whole fuss about.”

“Flintheart, shut up,” the other stallion says. “Don’t worry about him. He knows Equine, but he’ll never admit it. You know, he thinks Equestrians are weak for letting all those filthy zebras live with them and so on. Who are you and what are you doing here?”

“I’m a writer,” Daring Do replies. “Professor A.K. Yearling. We got a bit lost while I was doing research for my new book and then we kinda accidentally found this guy in the coffin.”

“A.K. Yearling?” the teenage filly asks. “I know you! I love your books, you know. Why is it so hard to get them in South Zebrica? It’s not fair…”

“I’m sorry.” The stallion smiles sheepishly. “This is my daughter, whom I named after everything I hold dear…”

“Diamant,” the filly replies. “Just Diamant.”

“And my name is Friggin’ Rich.” He makes a brief pause. “Just call me Mr. Rich, okay?”

Damn. There’s apparently one in every country. “Any connection to Filthy Rich from Ponyville, by any chance?” I ask. “Or Inmundo Rico from Mexicolt City?”

“My cousin and my fourth cousin,” Mr. Rich replies. “How are they?”

“Rich, I guess,” I mutter.

“I wrestled a minotaur at Diamante’s cute-ceanera,” Inkie says. “And my sister organised Diamond’s cute-ceanera, but that was a while ago.”

“Did someone mention cute-ceaneras?” Ruby asks, walking out of the cave. “Holy shit, another one!” she exclaims when she notices Diamant.

“Hmm, there’s surely a lot of you,” Mr. Rich mutters. Flintheart looks at his old rifle unsurely. No surprise here – Ruby is followed by Trixie, who carries unconscious Kyrie on her back, and Vinyl walking together with Withers. Judging by the looks Withers gives her, he’s not as gay as I thought.

“Happens to us a lot, dude,” Hexie mutters. “I guess we’ll have to sort it out. We’ll leave you that cutie from the coffin and the blondie, and you… Wait, you’re a smuggler, aren’t you?”

“I prefer being called a vendor,” Mr. Rich replies. “Free trade for everyone. And I don’t need either of them, the guy eats a lot, wants eyeliner, and takes space in the coffin. Same probably goes for the blondie.”

Kyrie opens one eye. “Vergib mir, Aryanne… Ich weiss nicht was schlecht gelaufen… Mein Fehler.”

“Does she only speak Pferdisch?” Mr. Rich asks.

“Totally,” Hexie replies. “She’s also dumb, will run away at first occasion, and she can’t fly now due to a wing injury. But you can set her and Mr. Pretty free and make two good deeds at the price of one. And another one if you help us with supplies.”

Even Flintheart goes silent. I guess his hostility towards us doesn’t involve business deals.

“What kind of supplies?” Mr. Rich asks.

“Winter clothes,” Daring Do replies.

“Fuel,” Hexie adds. “You must have some, if only for this boat.”

“Ammo,” I say. “Rifles, autocannons… We happen to collect various firearms and the calibers are a mess.”

“Food.” Trixie licks her lips. “Trixie would like to learn about local cuisine.”

“Condoms,” Vinyl mutters.

“Some maps, maybe?” Inkie asks.

“Common sense.” Ruby smiles, showing off all her teeth.

Mr. Rich’s jaw drops. “Okay…” he says. “This may take a while, though. Especially since we have to transport everything ourselves, or with the boat.”

“Don’t worry about that,” I reply. “You can start with fuel, then we can help you with the transport.”

Hexie clears her throat. “And what about Withers and Kyrie? We definitely don’t need them here.”

“We can skin them, castrate them, and put their heads on tall poles.” Ruby smirks. “Aryanne will think twice before following us.”

“No castrating!” Vinyl exclaims, grabbing Withers and shoving him in front of us. “Would you really castrate that?”

Ruby shrugs. “I don’t know, I’m eleven.”

“Dropping them off in Manegascar, while fair play, also won’t work,” Daring Do says. “Too dangerous. Although maybe we can drop them at the nearest police station – if they’re wanted, maybe we’ll even get a prize for them.”

“You already did that to me in Chineigh,” Withers mutters. “It took me three weeks to dig my way out. And, for the record, the nearest country where I’m wanted is Neigheria. It’s far away from here and the police there are rather slow. I know that.”

“Why are you wanted, bad boy?” Vinyl asks, purring like a cat.

Withers rolls his eyes. “Daring Do and the Black Neighfretiti,” he replies. “The chase across the town, with the police, exploding carts, Daring Do dropping a container full of silk curtains on Ahuizotl, three sunk ships, a ton of dead fish in the middle of the town, half of the port demolished?”

Daring Do chuckles. “Those were good times. And if I recall correctly, those were two ships.”

“Yeah.” Withers sighs. “My friends ran away and blamed this whole mess on me. Not cricket, if you ask me.”

“Definitely not,” Daring Do says. “To think about it, if you weren’t with them, I would gladly make you my assistant.” She smiles at him. Damn, is he Vinyl’s male counterpart? A chick fucking magnet or what?

“No thanks,” Withers says. “I’d like you remind you that you ran away from there first.”

“I was in a hurry.”

“So was I, but then it took me a month to run away from there, and now I can’t show up in Neigheria.” Withers groans.

While they’re bickering, I notice Diamant gesturing towards me. I look at her unsurely and walk to her. Ruby follows me; I guess she just wants to be friends with all Diamond Tiara’s cousins. Diamant nods and walks towards the river, further from her father and our friends.”

“What do you want?” I ask after a while of walking in silence.

“Business,” Diamant replies. “Dad and unca Flintheart will first listen to you, then think about it for a while, and you’ll lose time, ja? And they ain’t gonna talk to you about their plans.”

“Sounds like my mom,” Ruby says. “A lot of talking, not much doing. And dad’s even worse.” She looks at me and smirks.

“Ja.” Diamant nods. “We wanted to go to Neighmibe. There you can get all the things you want and leave those two. Assuming you have something to carry them.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Ruby replies. “See that big fucking pile of branches on the river?”

“You know that you can’t tell our secrets to everyone, don’t you?” I say.

“Exactly my dad’s thinking.” Diamant chuckles. “What do you have there? A big boat? An airship?”

“Something like that.” Before I can protest, Ruby jumps into the river. Damn. I don’t think she can swim at all, so I just teleport on the top of the pile of branches while she’s in shallow waters near the shore.

“Kids these days,” I say, watching her struggle to get to me. “You’d want everything to come to you right now, while having no means to do so.” I shake some branches off the plane. I really hope it’s anchored well, because I wouldn’t want to swim away with it.

“You’re saying?” Ruby asks. Her horn lights up and she disappears in a flash of green light. I look around to see where she’ll show up again.

Which, quite predictably, happens to be about ten metres behind the plane, and about two metres above the surface of water. Which makes it much easier to catch her.

“Accuracy,” I mutter. “Yours needs work. When did you even learn to teleport?”

“I didn’t,” Ruby replies, helping me with kicking off the branches. I can see Diamant’s eyes widening as more and more of our plane is revealed. “I just did that for the first time.”

“Not bad,” I say. “Though I was younger than you when I started teleporting. But I first teleported on my brother’s head when he was in the toilet.”

“Cool.” Ruby jumps into the water, opens the door of the plane and climbs inside. “How do you like it, Diamant?”

“Perfect!” Diamant exclaims.

“Okay,” I say. “Would you bring the rest here? I’m pretty sure they’re tired of conversation.”

And that’s, dear children, how we left the continent. Well, not right after that, since we first went a bit north to Neighmibe, a rather large town by the seashore. Kinda interesting, since it also happens to be surrounded by desert. I won’t bore you with technical details of the equipment we bought. Let’s just say that it was rather hard to get winter clothes there and that everything was much cheaper back then. Damn inflation.

“You forgot about the brothel.”

What? Ah, yes. We may have kinda left Kyrie and Withers in a brothel. And it was Vinyl’s idea. Not to mention that I wasn’t there, since you said that I was pregnant and I shouldn’t go there. Vinyl, tell the younger generation what happened!

“Well… It’s all rather blurry here, you know. Hexie got everyone drunk and chained those two to the frame of some heavy-ass bed. That’s all I remember and I woke up next day, throwing up in the toilet while Trixie was holding my mane.”

Damn. Hexie? What’s your version of those events?

“Well, first Inkie dropped under the table, then this old dude Flintheart, then Kyrie, then Vinyl… It took a while to get Withers drunk, not to mention that all the whores also passed out. Eh, if I were young again… I had to kick Trixie in the head because she wanted to blow a hole in the ceiling to look at the moon. But yeah, then I found the heaviest of heavy-duty beds for fat whores and chubby chasers, and chained them to it. After that, I gathered everypony and we got a Prench leave.”

“Took a Prench leave. Thirty two years of knowing Equine and you still can’t remember that? The Great and Powerful Trixie is disappointed.”

“Who gives a fuck. Minuette, just tell the younglings the rest of the story, before I die of thirst. Does anyone have vodka?”

Okay then. After we went shopping, we bid farewell to Diamant, her father, and uncle Flintheart and flew south, into the unknown… Hardly we knew that we were approaching something bigger than we ever imagined…

“Damn. She’s being dramatic again.”

Author's Notes:

Pardal des Colinas Verdes, Como posso ajudá-lo? - Pardal des Colinas Verdes, how can I help you? Given that Pardal des Colinas Verdes means "Sparrow of Green Hills", going by "Diesel" seems like a logical choice.

Es ist nicht tot, was ewig liegt, und in fremder Zeit wird selbst der Tod besiegt. - That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange aeons, even death may die.

Vergib mir, Aryanne… Ich weiss nicht was schlecht gelaufen… Mein Fehler. - Forgive me, Aryanne. I just don't know what went wrong... My bad.