Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater
Chapter 88: Episode 23 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 12
Previous Chapter Next ChapterDoctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater
by Rixizu
Episode 23 - Part 4
The melting snow from the unusually warm air was beginning to create mist in the Everfree. For now, it was lying close to the ground, but it was not helping the general eeriness of the place in any way as it rolled over their hooves, obscuring the ground beneath them. Fortunately, however, the six ponies, one zebra, and one baby dragon had a way of distracting themselves.
Ditzy: Causing them to fall off a cliff.
“…and so that’s how I got my cutie mark,” Carrot Top finished, the last of them to reiterate her story to Raindrops.
Ditzy: Oh no.
Doctor: Is this going to be yet another chapter of exposition?
“That’s nice,” the jasmine-coated pegasus intoned, ruffling her wings slightly.
Doctor: I see she showed as much interest in Carrot Top’s story as we did.
“So that makes it your turn, then,” Cheerilee said. “I’m not going to save Equestria with a pony I don’t know anything about.”
Doctor: Tough.
Ditzy: Yeah, I don’t see that working well on you Doctor.
Raindrops shrugged. “Born in Cloudsdale, loved it when it rained,
Doctor: (Raindrops) Can you believe some foals actually used it as an excuse to stay inside and play video games?
and I got my cutie mark pretty early since I’d known that all throughout my foalhood. When my brother was born a unicorn my parents and I moved to Ponyville. I joined the weather patrol, and…that’s it.”
Ditzy: I like it! Short and to the point.
Lyra’s ears were twitching and swivling slightly, as though she heard something. “Anypony else hear that?” she asked absentmindedly as Raindrops spoke.
Doctor: Maybe talking constantly and loudly in a forest full of deadly creatures was a bad idea.
When the pegasus finished, however, she looked back to Raindrops, scowling a little. “Oh, come on,” she objected. “We pour our bleeding hearts out for everypony,
Doctor: And when did you do that Ms. Heartstrings? You barely told us much about yourself.
Ditzy: Hey, your right. She the one that told us the least about herself!
and you expect to get by on that?”
Doctor: Not everyone has an angst filled backstory Lyra.
Ditzy: Some ponies are perfectly happy with their lives and make by without too much complaint.
She furrowed her brow in thought. “You’ve got to, like, resent your brother
Doctor: The fact that is the first thing that comes to her mind really says something about you Lyra.
or your parents for making you move from Cloudsdale.”
Ditzy: (Lyra) You have to be planning to burn down your workplace out of revenge at the very least.
“Nope,” Raindrops said. “Ponyville’s nice, I like it.”
Doctor: (Lyra) Was your family at least torn apart by suspicions of infidelity?
Ditzy: (Raindrops) No.
Ditzy: (Lyra) Oh come on!
“No weather patrol stories?” Cheerilee tried.
Ditzy: Celestia! Is this ever going to end? I want them to get into some sort of action scene already!
Doctor: This is a fanfic, you don’t need filler scenes.
“A few, I guess,” she said, again ruffling her wings, “but a lot of them are really technical. Like that time Cloud Chaser made some cirrocumulus undulati when the schedule called for cirrocumulus laconusi, but I’d gotten my part right so when the two cloud sections began overlapping they made an altocumulus lenticularus and caused some virga and microbursts, and Rainbow Dash was actually working that day so me and Cloud Chaser had to work our wings off to cover before she noticed and before the altocumulus lenticularus devolved into an altostratus translucidus – ”
Doctor: Oh that wacky Cloud Chaser!
“Okay,” Trixie interrupted. “Anything that non-pegasi would be able to follow?”
Doctor: Do you always use the full terms? Won’t it be simpler to use jargon?
Ditzy: It’s impressive she said that without getting tongue tied,
“I’m a pegasus and I couldn’t follow that,” Ditzy Doo provided.
Ditzy: Oh come on! I went to flight camp!
Doctor: Come to think of it, why do you work at the post office when your special talent is weather making?
Ditzy: It pays better and has better benefits, and I really like the work. Besides, I still do weather work, but it mostly a part time thing. So I get the best of both!
Raindrops thought a moment. “Nope,” she said. “My life is pretty dull, usually. I like it like that.”
Doctor: (Lyra) You are the lamest pony ever.
There was a collective sigh from the remaining ponies at that.
Ditzy: (Trixie) What a rip! Why does she get to have a happy life?!
“Fine…” Cheerilee groaned.
Doctor: (Cheerilee) Where is the danger, the intrigue?
She looked ahead, at Spike and Zecora. The former was sitting atop the back of the latter, keeping his balance with practiced ease “How about you, Zecora?” she asked. “Do you have a cutie mark story? What is yours, anyway?”
Ditzy: Celestia, she’s just obsessed with stories isn’t she? Did she completely forget about the crisis?
Doctor: Must be an elementary school teacher thing.
Zecora shook her head, and didn’t move the cloak that covered her flank aside. “All I have are the stripes you see,” she said, “There is no cutie mark on me.”
Ditzy: Wait, I thought they do.
Doctor: Hey, at least it saves us from yet another long story.
“And dragons don’t get them either,” Spike noted,
Ditzy: If he did, I bet it would be a scroll!
Doctor: Or a green flame maybe?
as Zecora turned off of the rough path they had been following and began walking into the woods. Everypony followed.
“I’m not the only one who hears that, am I?” Lyra asked.
All: (Hum Michael Myers’s theme)
Her ears had gone back to twitching slightly, focused in the direction Zecora was now taking them through the twisted trees.
“Hears what?” Spike asked.
“You’ve got to have some stories, though,” Cheerilee pressed, as she picked up her pace slightly to be trotting next to Zecora. The other five ponies, minus Lyra, also picked up their pace a little, and Zecora seemed to have an extra spring to her step.
Doctor: These ponies and their incessant questions.
“I do not mean to cause offence, but my story I do not wish to dispense,” Zecora explained. “My spirit quest is a private affair, and I do not wish to lay it bare.”
Doctor: Finally! Someone speaking sense!
“That’s alright,” Ditzy Doo admitted as they came to a wide river.
Ditzy: Besides, it would be awkward for her to tell an impromptu story in rhyme.
It was probably supposed to be frozen over, but the ice atop of it was melted, and the river itself was fast-flowing and beginning to lap at the edges of its banks due to all the melting snow and ice that was finding its way into it. The low fog that permeated the Everfree stopped at the edge of the river.
Lyra stopped her canter when she reached the river, ears no longer twitching, instead focused forward. “Okay, now I definitely hear music – uh, guys? Guys!”
Ditzy: (Lyra) It’s getting scarier and more intense. That can’t be a good thing!
Come on in, the water’s fine…
Lyra dashed forward and in front of the others,
Doctor: (Lyra) First one in is a rotten egg!
as they had not slowed down at the riverbanks, instead heading directly into it. She gasped slightly at the chill of the water – despite the rising heat, the water itself was only just barely above freezing.
Ditzy: Yet refreshing and invigorating.
Her exclamations, coupled with her interposing herself between the others, stopped them in their tracks before they could get too deep, but the ponies and zebra all stared at her strangely.
Doctor: (Trixie) Do you mind? We’re trying to go to oblivion.
“Lyra?” Raindrops asked. “You’re in the way.”
“I’m not gonna try and ford a raging, freezing river,” she responded.
Ditzy: Come on! It’ll be fun!
…Please oh please, don’t decline…
Doctor: (Lyra) On second thought, I would love to forge this river!
The others blinked, looking down as though seeing the water for the first time. “Stars,” Trixie exclaimed, as they all backed out of the river and onto its banks. “How did I not notice that?”
“I dunno,” Spike said, looking around. “I was getting worried for a second…and yeah, I definitely hear music, Lyra.”
All: Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga.
Come on in, the water’s fine…please oh please, don’t decline…come and dance on the river’s bed…
Ditzy: (Voice) Freezing death is fun!
“I don’t hear anything,” Cheerilee noted, as she began absent-mindedly trotting forward.
Doctor: (Cheerilee) Is anypony else being asked if they want they want to play chess with Death?
Lyra blinked, putting herself between Cheerilee and the water. She stared uncomprehendingly at the unicorn for a moment, then shook her head. “We need to get to the other side…”
Doctor: (Cheerilee) Besides, I saw a guy on the Discovery Channel do with no problem!
“…yeah,” Raindrops noted as she started forward. Lyra leapt in front of her, hooves up and pushing her back.
“You have wings, you idiot,” Lyra noted,
Ditzy: (Lyra) All you guys are such complete imbeciles! Why did I agree to come along with you guys again?
as Zecora closed her eyes and began chanting something in a language Lyra didn’t understand, while Spike hopped off of her back. “You and Ditzy Doo can just carry us over if – ”
“But this is faster…” Ditzy Doo said, eyes wide and a serene look on her face – yet her eyes were also focused forward, as she began trotting into the river. Groaning, Lyra’s horn glowed, and she seized Ditzy Doo in a golden aura and pushed her back onto the shore. Then Trixie began trotting forward, forcing Lyra to move in front of her and shove her backwards. The other unicorn stumbled a little, falling down, but was quickly on her hooves again, and in the meantime Carrot Top was wandering forward…
Doctor: This is going no where. How about doing something to stop them completely? Like doing what Odysseus did and plug their ears.
Ditzy: Or use her magic to tie them to a tree.
Doctor: That too.
…come on in and join the dead…
“Um, that’s creepy,” Spike objected, grabbing Carrot Top’s tail and digging his feet into the ground. Unfortunately, his small size made little impact.
Ditzy: What was the point of showing off Spike’s muscles earlier if they aren’t going to be put to use?
Doctor: Come on, she’s a carrot farmer. How can a dragon complete with that?
Lyra grabbed Cheerilee with magic and pushed her back, while trying to physically hold Trixie back.
“Zecora!” Lyra shouted at the zebra, the only one besides her and Spike that seemed unaffected, though the zebra remained in place and chanting. “A little help?” She didn’t move.
Ditzy: (Lyra) Stop speaking foreign and help me!
Ditzy Doo managed to trot in nearly to her stomach, but Lyra once again resorted to magic, and had to do likewise for Raindrops and Trixie as she moved to put herself directly between Cheerilee and the water, pushing them back.
Doctor: (Lyra) If I keep doing this the ones enchanting them will eventually give up!
Come on in, the water’s fine…please oh please, don’t decline…come and dance on the river’s bed…come on in and join the dead…
Ditzy: (Voice) They have muffins.
Doctor: (Lyra) Well, why didn’t you say so?!
“Something’s wrong with them!” Spike exclaimed. “But how come we’re not affected?”
“I think it’s some kind of magic song!” Lyra exclaimed as she used telekinesis to hold back all of her friends. It wasn’t going to work for long – sweat was already forming on her brow. “Dunno why it’s not affecting you, but for me it’s ‘cause it’s poorly harmonized!”
Ditzy: Oh, plot convenience!
Doctor: They weren’t even trying with that one.
The music stopped suddenly. The five ponies that had been trying to plunge into the freezing waters stopped trying to commit suicide, but remained in a trance, waving back and forth slightly.
There was a splash from behind Lyra, and she turned and found herself face-to-face with some kind of creature that looked like a cross between a pony and a fish. It upper body was mostly the same, with forelegs ending in hooves and a long-snouted face, but rather than a mane, the creature had a long fin travelling down its back, and smaller fins at its fetlocks. Its lower body, meanwhile – the parts that Lyra could see through the water, anyway – consisted of a long, fish-like tail, with a pair of elegant-looking fins in the place of rear-legs. Instead of hair, its body was coated with fine, aquamarine scales, and it had a pair of blood-red eyes. As Lyra watched, two more similar creatures appeared from beneath the river’s surface, only slightly different in scale coloration but with yellow and teal eyes, the last of them having pony proportions more in line with a stallion than a mare.
There was one more notable difference between these creatures and normal ponies: their mouths were full of small, sharp teeth. None of them looked happy to see Lyra, either.
“I beg your pardon?” The first one to appear demanded. “Poorly harmonized?”
“What are you?” Lyra asked, one eyebrow rising.
Doctor: Surprising lack of anger considering they just tried to kill your friends.
All three of the creatures fixed Lyra with a deadpan look.
Doctor: (Creature) I see the Princess Luna’s education system is doing its job.
“We’re trying to lure ponies to their deaths by drowning and then eating them,” the second one, with yellow eyes, said. “What do you think we are?”
Doctor: A kelpie?
“Sea ponies?” Lyra guessed.
A little bit of winter’s chill returned to the Everfree Forest at the glare she got.
Doctor: (Creature) Does it look like we sing ‘Shoo-bee-doo, Shoo-Shoo-bee-doo!’?
“This is a freshwater river,” the third, teal-eyed creature noted. “And sea ponies are herbivores.”
“Sirens!” Yellow Eyes – as Lyra mentally dubbed her – exclaimed. “We’re sirens!”
Ditzy: Really? I am not the best when it comes to mythology, but I am pretty sure sirens don’t eat ponies.
“I thought sirens only lived in the ocean,” Spike said from the shore. Then he pointed at Teal Eyes. “And you’re a stallion. Sirens are always mares.”
Doctor: And shouldn’t you be stunningly beautiful? That’s a staple of sirens.
“Yes, well,” Red Eyes, the first to appear, noted. “Ponies…and dragons I suppose…possess many misconceptions about us – ”
Ditzy: (Siren) I edit Ponypedia to fix them, but somepony keeps editing them back!
“How would we reproduce with only mares?” Teal Eyes asked incredulously.
Ditzy: Well, there is that Magic of Love thing from the Winningverse. I still have no idea how the hay that is suppose to work.
Doctor: A better question is why stallions even exist in that universe if their existence is unnecessary?
“Magic?” Spike suggested. Teal Eyes shrugged, conceding the possibility.
Doctor: No! You can’t just say ‘Magic” and expect that to answer everything! Magic doesn’t work like that! It has rules and laws just like physics or any other science!
“ – but back on topic,” Red Eyes continued, “What do you mean, poorly harmonized?”
“I mean what it sounds like!” Lyra exclaimed,
Ditzy: (Lyra) You guys suck!
and jabbed a hoof at Red Eyes. “And I’m lookin’ at you, and don’t try to deny it I know it’s you. You’re not syncing up with the other two at all. You’re pitched too high and singing a little faster.”
Ditzy: Maybe you shouldn’t give the bad guys exactly what they need to beat you.
Doctor: Lyra, have you ever considered becoming a supervillain?
“I am not!”
“…actually, I did notice that,” Yellow Eyes objected. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but…”
Doctor: (Red Eyes) You’re saying I’m the reason our last album failed aren’t you?!
Red Eyes glared at her companion. “You’re taking the food’s side?”
“Hey, yeah, about that…” Spike tried.
The sirens ignored him. “Out of harmony is out of harmony,” Teal Eyes noted. “Sorry, but food or not, she’s got a point.”
Ditzy: (Teal Eyes) You used to be so great, the best! But all the drugs, alcohol, and partying have destroyed the siren you used to be!
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize we were putting on a concert for the river dragon. I thought we were just trying to get lunch. My mistake. Here,” she held forward her front hooves. “Slit my veins open, why don’t you?”
Doctor: (Teal Eyes) You don’t need to be a drama queen about it.
“We don’t have major arteries in our legs,” Yellow Eyes pointed out.
“Why do you even have legs?” Lyra asked.
Two of the sirens shrugged, while Red Eyes glared at her companions. “Can we please stop talking to the food and just eat already?” she demanded.
Doctor: (Red Eyes) I have a dentist appointment in a half and hour!
Lyra skipped backwards, out of the water, at that. Red Eyes waved her off. “Whatever, you’re immune, the dragon and zebra are still immune like last time, but that still gives us five! That’s plenty!”
“She gets cranky when she doesn’t eat, sorry,” Teal Eyes explained, as Red Eyes began to grumble.
“Last time?” Lyra asked, looking to Spike. Zecora had not stopped chanting whatever her protection spell against the siren’s song was.
The baby dragon offered a stupid grin and a shrug. “Guess we do have some stories?” he said.
Ditzy: (Spike) We’re a monster butt kicking duo.
Lyra shook her head as she looked to the sirens. “I’m not going to let you eat my friends,” she proclaimed.
Ditzy: (Lyra) And Trixie.
“Three on one with you trying to save five,” Red Eyes noted. “I’m feeling pretty good about our odds.”
Doctor: Aren’t you forgetting Zecora and Spike? It’s actually three on three.
“Plus, we’ve got hunger on our side,” Yellow Eyes said. “That’s a great motivator.”
Ditzy: (Siren) Sure we haven’t eaten in days but that probably won’t be a problem.
“I’m trying to save the world,” Lyra noted.
Doctor: (Yellow Eyes) That’s what they all say.
“Noble goal and all, but that’s impersonal,” Teal Eyes philosophized. “You don’t really know the whole world, whereas being hungry is a really personal thing and – ”
“Stop talking to our lunch and just sing already!” Red Eyes shouted.
Doctor: (Red Eyes) Everytime we try to eat you do this! Who cares what she thinks. She’s going to served with onions and garlic in a few moments anyway!
The three sirens drifted backwards, to the middle of the river – having no problems fighting against the current – and began singing again. Even worse, Red Eyes seemed to of corrected her mistake and was now singing in harmony with the other two.
All: Doh!
Lyra still proved to be immune,
Doctor: Naturally.
Ditzy: Well duh, of course being trained in music would make you immune to mind control music! That’s just logic!
but the other five ponies began trotting forward again.
“Come on in, the water’s fine…please oh please, don’t decline…come and dance on the river’s bed…come on in and join the dead…”
Ditzy: You just sung that. Come on, mix it up a little!
Doctor: I wonder, does it really matter what they sing or the mind controlling works regardless?
Lyra’s closed her eyes and let her horn glow brightly. She shoved the five ponies backwards with telekinesis, but only as a stopgap. Working a significantly more advanced spell, she created a golden orb in front of her.
Ditzy: (Lyra) Darkness beyond twilight
Crimson beyond blood that flows
Buried in the stream of time is where your power grows
I pledge myself to conquer all the foes who stand
before the mighty gift bestowed in my unworthy hand
Let the fools who stand before me be destroyed
by the power you and I possess...
DRAGON SLAVE!
With a pop, the orb burst apart, and Lyra caught her lyre as it began to fall, telekinetically bringing it forward as she sat down and began strumming on it, magic pouring from her lyre and over her friends. They stopped in their tracks.
Doctor: (Red Eyes) Oh crap, she has a lyre! Don’t make any sudden movements!
“You’re not the only ones who can sing,” Lyra proclaimed in verse, “you don’t want the kind of pain I’ll bring.”
Ditzy: Oh goody. Is this going to turn into a rap battle?
The sirens stopped their song once more, staring. Lyra’s friends remained motionless behind her. “You’re joking,” Red Eyes said.
“I just spent three years at Luna’s school of magic on a musical scholarship,”
Doctor: Yes, we get it. You’ve said that at least four times now.
Ditzy: Is she trying to create a catchphrase?
Lyra explained.
Ditzy: (Lyra) Sure, I skipped most of my classes, barely passed, and spent most of it drunk and going to frat parties, but I learned a few things!
“Come on, there’s got to be some fish in that river you can eat instead.”
Ditzy: (Lyra) You could get tacos or something?
“We actually can’t eat fish,” Yellow Eyes remarked. “Tastes horrible. Actually most seafood. Or river-food, I guess.”
“We only eat land animals,” Teal Eyes said. “And you ponies are delicious.”
Doctor: (Siren) And you go good with hot sauce.
“…thanks?” Lyra guessed. “Still. There’s got to be something else you guys can eat in the forest. Like a turkey or something, I dunno.”
Doctor: (Teal Eyes) The turkeys in the Everfree are 8 hooves tall, violent, and have beaks that can effortlessly destroy stone in one bite!
“Maybe,” Red Eyes admitted. “But there’s a whole feast here now, and who knows how long we’ll have to wait for some poor gobbler to wander close enough?”
Ditzy: (Lyra) Come on! We’re sapient! Doesn’t that mean anything?!
Doctor: (Red Eyes) Eh, the importance of sapience is overrated. Besides, you ponies only use about 10 percent of your brain anyway.
Ditzy: (Lyra) That’s just a myth!
Lyra plucked a few notes on her lyre. “I’m warning you…”
Doctor: (Lyra) You do not want to see me get funky.
“You’re bluffing,” Red Eyes said. “And you can’t possibly save all your friends.”
“I can try.”
“You’ll fail.”
Ditzy: You... Will... Fail!
Lyra played another few notes on her lyre in response.
Doctor: (Red Eyes) So….is that a yes?
Red Eyes glared at her. As Lyra watched, her iris’ seemed to both expand outwards and shrink inwards, until her eyes were nothing more than a pair of blood-hued orbs. She let a full, sharp-toothed grin show, then began to sing in earnest, not a simple rhyme anymore, but a full song –
Ditzy: Available to download on bandcamp.
“That]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713058000&usg=AFQjCNGiAXoWAyK1u62HS9koZpn7ENRFKg]“That you think you're so great[/url]
“But]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713058000&usg=AFQjCNGiAXoWAyK1u62HS9koZpn7ENRFKg]“But you're nothing[/url]
“But]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713059000&usg=AFQjCNHY4lPvOnP7fPKtaecvU1Xne4eeyA]“But you're nothing[/url]
“But]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713060000&usg=AFQjCNEV0hs9ECY531bRt7J7764jSE0vug]“But you are -[/url]
“That]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713062000&usg=AFQjCNElijDE1AHLOwkAKPtByPiW7TzQSw]“That you don't want to die[/url]
“But]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713062000&usg=AFQjCNElijDE1AHLOwkAKPtByPiW7TzQSw]“But you're nothing[/url]
“But]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713063000&usg=AFQjCNFeZQz_7UPjxXPnRBBz_gTYWNxW7Q]“But you're nothing[/url]
“But]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DzzLKMtY04lE&sa=D&ust=1456740713064000&usg=AFQjCNF6VcfzIdj5FmORQX_x-_QC-gx-eQ]“But you're...”[/url]
Ditzy: Oh, another link. I wonder where it goes.
Doctor: If it goes anywhere. Most likely it has been taken down for copyright infringement by now.
The five ponies began to slowly trot forward.
Doctor: Considering we are talking about sirens, shouldn’t they be desperately trying to throw themselves into the river instead of walking towards it like zombies?
Lyra’s hooves danced across her instrument, golden magic reaching out and slowing their advance, with Spike trying to help as best he could, but the ponies moved inexorably, as the other two sirens – their eyes similarly turning uniform in color – joined in Red Eyes’ song.
Ditzy: (Grumbles) Of course Spike isn’t allowed to be useful.
“So stupid
“You're trying to resist us
“And save them all
“But they're gonna slip away
“You'll lose them all
“Why not just give up now?
“Just stop fighting
“We're sirens and we're hungry
“You can't win –
Ditzy: So they are going to talk sing instead of actually singing a song?
Doctor: You would think their music would be a little more...seductive.
Lyra interrupted them with a full pull across her lyre, while her horn interceded to amplify its volume several times beyond what should have been possible.
Doctor: It made the siren bleed from the ears.
“I'm not gonna just let you eat my friends
“I’m telling you right now to just go somewhere else
“Music is my special talent, sirens
“Nothing you can sing can stop me from winning!”
Ditzy: (Sirens) Oh really? (Cough)
(Singing) It's a piece of cake to make a pretty cake!
If the way is hazy!
You gotta do the cookin' by the book!
You know you can't be lazy!
Doctor: (Lyra) I hate you.
The golden threads that grasped her friends swelled in size and intensity. They were pushed backwards, and for the first time the enthralled ponies looked around of their own volition, wide-eyed and panicked at the sight of the sirens and what the sirens were trying to make them do.
The sirens, meanwhile, had been thrown backwards by the force of Lyra’s magic-enhanced song, their eyes snapping back to normal and looks of genuine surprise on their face. Glaring, their magical song returned, their magic taking physical form for the first time and lashing out at Lyra.
Ditzy: They started shooting notes at her.
“Can’t you see?
“You cannot keep this up
“We do this every day, fool
“Luring critters to the river
“So we can eat.
“But ponies are so tasty
“We’re gonna feast
“Your magic doesn’t scare us
“You’ll get weak – ”
Ditzy: You’ll get weak? That’s the best you can come up with?
Again, Lyra interrupted them, standing on her two hind legs – somehow keeping balance while doing so – and conjuring up a golden shield to ward off the siren’s magical lashes as she countered their continued hypnotic attempts and responded, hooves still dancing across the strings of her instrument.
Doctor: They were doing the jitterbug.
“I'm not gonna just let you eat my friends
“I’m telling you right now to just go somewhere else
“Music is my special talent, sirens
“Nothing you can sing can stop me from winning!”
“I'm not gonna just let you eat my friends
“I’m telling you right now to just go somewhere else
“Music is my special talent, sirens
“Nothing you can sing can stop me from winning!”
Doctor: So basically the gist of this musical battle is ‘I’m better’ ‘No, I’m better!’ ‘No, I’m better plus one!’ ‘No, I’m better plus infinity!’
The sirens screamed – but still in song – as Lyra countered with magic. Despite her prowess, with three-on-one the red, yellow and teal lashes that were reaching out to her golden shield. Lyra pushed back, however, and tendrils of golden magic began to lash out at the sirens as well. For the first time, fear as well as concern appeared on their faces.
Ditzy: So, why does she know how to do this exactly? She’s just a musician.
Doctor: (Lyra) I knew that ‘Defence Against the Dark Arts’ class would come in handy!
“Maybe give us one or two? To eat?” Red Eyes offered in verse. “You’ll still have two, seems like plenty! Agreed?”
Ditzy: Don’t you mean three?
Doctor: They probably overlooked Carrot Top.
“No way!” Lyra responded as she dragged her hoof across her harp.
Ditzy: (Sirens) Pretty pretty please?
The sirens’ magic and her own flared as they battled, then died suddenly, giving out under the strain of constantly being maintained by the two forces. The sirens fell backwards, almost falling under the river’s water again. Lyra, on the other hoof, remained standing on her hind legs, magically holding her lyre aloft as she began strumming the same two strings over and over.
“I told you the pain that I could bring.
“But you didn’t listen to me.
“You’ve lost, you’ve got nothing left.
“But I’m. Still. Here.”
Next to Lyra, a ghostly image of her formed, and began echoing that verse, while she continued with the song, and with each verse another Lyra would appear and begin echoing her.
Ditzy: (Teal Eyes) That’s pretty cool! Can you do auto-tune too?
Doctor: (Lyra harsh) No. I have integrity!
“Just swim away while you still can.
“Find something else to snack upon.
“You’ve lost, you’ve got nothing left.
“But I’m. Still. Here.”
“You couldn’t sing in harmony
“Without my help, where would you be?
“You’ve lost, you’ve got nothing left.
“But I’m. Still. Here!”
The sirens shouted in defiance, rising up and magically lifting the water with them – the water in their grasp turning blood red, sickly yellow, and a deep, almost black shade of teal – and surging forward. Lyra didn’t budge as the water came on, conjuring up another golden shield and golden tendrils to push it back, as the two competing musical forces dueled. The sirens had seemingly lost the ability to sing in verse at all, instead conjuring with pure vocal power, but Lyra actually turned that against them, incorporating it into her song as her chorus of illusions continued to sing as well.
“I told you the pain that I could bring!
“But you didn’t listen to me!
“You’ve lost, you’ve got nothing left!
“But I’m. Still. Here!”
“I'm not gonna just let you eat my friends
“I’m telling you right now to just go somewhere else
(“Still! Here...!”)
“Music is my special talent, sirens
“Nothing you can sing can stop me from winning!”
(“Still! Here...!”)
“I'm not gonna just let you eat my friends
“I’m telling you right now to just go somewhere else
(“Still! Here...!”)
“Music is my special talent, sirens
“Nothing you can sing can stop me from winning!”
(“Still! Here...!”)
“I'm not gonna just let you eat my friends
“I’m telling you right now to just go somewhere else
(“Still! Here...!”)
There was a golden flash. The wave of water was thrown backwards, but the sirens remained floating in the air, grasped firmly in Lyra’s magical aura. They had stopped singing, their legs and tails and fins flailing, but Lyra only smirked before tossing them upstream as hard as she could.
Ditzy: Into a rock killing them instantly,
They landed with a splash some thirty feet away, quickly surfacing and staring wide-eyed at Lyra Heartstrings.
“Music is my special talent, sirens
“And now that I have won, you’d better swim off home!”
Ditzy: (Sirens) This is our home!
Doctor: (Lyra) Then, um, go back to live with your parents!
The sirens stared for only a moment more, before disappearing beneath the river’s water, rushing away. This was probably for the best, as it meant they didn’t see Lyra collapse to the muddy riverbank moments later.
Doctor: They would embarrass her by posting pictures of it on Ponybook.
Ditzy: Hey, we finally got an action sequence...12 chapters in! Better late than never I guess.
Doctor: Lyra has impressive magical combative capabilities for someone that is just a musician.
Ditzy: I am little surprise they teach musicians eldritch tentacle death magic at Luna’s school of magic.
Doctor: At Luna’s school of magic they teach you how to fight and kill regardless of what you are studying.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dinky watched as her parents as they exited the theater. They seemed in a much better mood then they usually did after the experiment. “Here we go.” She thought to herself.
“What’s with the lights?” Ditzy asked as she exited the theater. She looked around at the ceiling. They noticed how much darker the room was and that it had a reddish tint to it.
“It appears to be…” The Doctor went into a sigh. “Mood lighting.”
Ditzy blinked. “Mood lighting? Huh, why?”
Doctor sighed again. “Let’s get this over with.”
The two entered the dining room and found a well dressed table with a red sheet. It had a pot of irises in the middle surrounded by four candles. Rose petals were scattered all over the table and at the end of both sides were a plates covered with a metal lid with a glass of what appeared to be wine.
“Something smells good!” Ditzy proclaimed and rushed to on the ends of the table. The Doctor joined her on the other side.
They pulled the lids off and discovered two slices of butternut squash lasagna served with a few leaves of spinach on the side. The two eyed at it hungrily. Out of nowhere, gentle piano music started playing. Dinky was assured by Silver Spoon that it was quite romantic. It started slowly at first and was almost inaudible. It got loud enough to be heard, but not enough that it would be distracting. The Doctor and Ditzy eyes perked up at this, but they didn’t comment on it. The Doctor in particular seemed to enjoy it.
They sat down and quickly dug in. Ditzy didn’t waste a moment and took a large bite of her lasagna. The Doctor, however, took a more reserved bite of his meal. Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara balked at Ditzy less than stellar table manners. Ditzy put a hoof to her face. What a way to start a romantic date.
The two ate in silence for a few minutes until Ditzy finally spoke up. “Hey Doctor, could you pass the salt? I can’t really reach it.” She pointed to a salt shaker in front of him and he pushed it forward with a hoof. Ditzy proceeded to sprinkle a generous amount of salt on her meal.
“You are going to get high blood pressure putting that much salt in your body.” The Doctor commented.
“Eh, it’s fine. I don’t use that much salt.” Ditzy sprinkled her lasagna a few more time. She also grabbed a few rose petals from the table top and put a few of them on her meal. She seemed pretty satisfied after that and she began eating again.
The two ate in silence again for for another few minutes until Silver Spoon snaped. “I don’t believe this. Like, what kind of date is this? They aren’t saying anything!”
Dinky shrugged. She wasn’t surprised they weren’t chatting. This wasn’t like they were a young couple just getting to know each other. In Dinky’s mind, they were pretty much already a married couple so there wasn’t much to say really.
“This is off to a great start.” Diamond Tiara snarked.
Ditzy sipped at her wine after eating another bite of lasagna. It seemed she really enjoyed it and didn’t stop until the glass was half empty. She noticed the Doctor wasn’t drinking his.
“Say Doctor, mind if I have your glass too?” Ditzy asked.
“Go ahead.” He replied.
Ditzy smiled. “It’s really good. I like eating fancy like this once and awhile.” Silver Spoon put a hoof to her face at the term fancy.
The Doctor shrugged. “When you’ve eaten the best kings and emperors have to offer, you start to appreciate the simpler foods. I’ll take your cooking over the gourmet chef any day.”
“Ah shucks. Thanks!” Ditzy said beaming.
Dinky brightened up glad that the two were finally connecting.
Silver Spoon rolled her eyes. “That’s like so corny. He can’t possible mean that.”
Diamond Tiara watched this fixated. “Is your mother really that good?”
“The best!” Dinky cheered.
“You’re lucky.” Diamond Tiara said in a small voice startling Dinky. “Dinner time must be nice. Do you all eat together?”
“Well yeah.” Dinky replied not sure where Diamond Tiara was going with this. Diamond Tiara just stared at her parents with a longing look.
Dinky looked back at her parents. Her mother had already finished her glass of wine. She was reaching for the Doctor’s glass across the table. The Doctor didn’t really notice this and was eating his food in his usually slow fashion.
Suddenly a nearby candle fell on Ditzy’s hair and lit it on fire. She yelled in surprised and rolled across the table onto the floor throwing food, plates, and everything else on the table all over the place.
Dinky eyes widened in horror and she started rolling on the ground in panic. In a blink of an eye, the Doctor grabbed his glass of wine a threw onto her hair. It only got part of the fire out thanks to Ditzy’s thrashing about. He pulled off the table cloth and used it to smother the rest of the fire. He pinned Ditzy to floor to keep her still. The sudden removal of the table cloth sent to the rest of the table’s contents cascading on the floor.
After the fire was finally out, Ditzy got up and sighed in relief. “Thanks Doctor. It’s a good thing you don’t like the drink!” A large portion of her hair was gone and the rest was singed. It was also completely soaked. She also had rose petals stuck all over her body.
“Let me look at you.” The Doctor tossed the table cloth on the floor and grabbed her head to examined it closely. He turned it back and forth. “Good news. You only lost a little hair, otherwise you have other damage. Not a single burn mark.”
“That’s a relief.” Ditzy wiped the wet hair out of her eyes.
“You, unfortunately, look ridiculous.” The Doctor laughed as he said this.
Ditzy laughed back and swiped her hair back in a dramatic way. “Hey, I can make this work. It could be a new fashion statement.”
The two shared a laugh. Ditzy looked thoughtful. “Not really sure what happened there. I wasn’t bumping the table or anything. Oh well. That’s what I get for not just asking you to pass it to me.”
The Doctor grabbed the candle that did the deed off the floor and examined it thoughtfully.
Ditzy flicked a hoof and wine flew from it. “Ugh, I’m going to take a bath. I’m not going to eat dinner like this.” She looked at the messed up table and mess created by this whole debacle. The plates were broken, food was splattered everywhere, and the vase was leaking water onto the floor. “Shame, it was a beautiful set up.” She looked at herself.
The Doctor nodded and stared at the ruins of what was their diner. He looked deep in thought. “Don’t worry. I’ll handle this. Take as long as you want.” Ditzy nodded in appreciation and left the room.
-----
Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara approached Dinky’s room carefully. Right after the fire was put out, Dinky ran to her room almost immediately, locked the door, and hadn’t left it for over an hour.
Diamond Tiara knocked on the door. “Are you ok?” There was nothing but silence. “Let’s
just give her a little time alone.”
Silver Spoon nodded. Diamond Tiara felt bad for her friend. Nothing ever seemed to go right for her. Diamond Tiara motioned of Silver Spoon to follow her. Hopefully Dinky would be in better spirits tomorrow. She was thinking about maybe lending Dinky some Fruits Basket DVDs to cheer her up.
“Like I can’t believe it. That couldn’t have gone worse.” Silver Spoon commented.
“No kidding.” It occurred to Diamond Tiara that this ended as well as the Cutie Mark Doofuses adventures usually did. She wondered if this meant she would end up covered in tree sap eventually.
“Heavens perish the thought.” Diamond Tiara thought to herself and shuttered.
“So what now?” SIlver Spoon asked.
“Easy, we’ll wait for Dinky to cool down and try again.” Diamond Tiara replied. Silver Spoon looked at her questionly. “The date plan was a bust. So what? We’ll just have to change our approach.” Diamond Tiara smirked. This wasn’t over, not by a long shot.
“You’re not the only ones who can sing," Lyra proclaimed in verse, “you don’t want the kind of pain I’ll bring.”
Next Chapter: Episode 24 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 13 Estimated time remaining: 5 Hours, 37 Minutes