Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 23 - Part 3

“Trixie, I’m going to ask you something, and I want you to be honest,” Lyra said as they trotted through the Everfree.

Doctor: (Trixie) If it’s ‘Are we there yet?’ I am going to kick you out the party right now!

Trixie stopped on the rough trail, looked around, and then let out a long sigh. “Yes,” she said, knowing what Lyra was going to ask. “Yes. I’m lost. Or at least I don’t know where I’m going.

Doctor: I don't know where I've been

'Cause I haven't seen my baby

Since I don't know when

When Princess Luna brought me here, we flew in, and it was years ago, and I wasn’t trying to remember the way.”

Ditzy: Shouldn’t Carrot Top know the way? She’s been here all the time apparently.

“Great,” Carrot Top declared, rolling her eyes as the rest of the ponies all came to a stop,

Doctor: (Carrot) Gah, you’re useless. Why did we bring you again?

and all six tried very hard not to think about the fact that they were standing idly under the gnarled, twisted boughs of the Everfree Forest.

Ditzy: How any number of unspeakable horrors could strike at them at any moment.

Something was wrong with the Everfree

Doctor: Understatement of the century.

 – no, not quite that, Trixie thought.

Doctor: It was only slightly evil.

Something being wrong with the Everfree implied that there was some outside force causing its peculiarity.

Ditzy: So no, aliens aren’t responsible for the Everfree’s weirdness.

Trixie was fairly certain, however, that instead something was simply wrong about the Everfree Forest. The trees and plants grew on their own, according to their own designs.

Ditzy: (Plant) I want to look like a kitty cat!

The creatures – the animals, yes, but also the other things in here – took care of themselves.

Doctor: Worked 8 to 5 to pay the rent.

And the weather, as Trixie had recently learned, also moved and changed seemingly randomly.

Ditzy: Like Whinnesota.

Theoretically, the eerie feeling of the Everfree should have been lessened by the sun hanging high overhead.

Doctor: But it was the sun, which was of the devil!

It may have been midday,

Ditzy: Not really. It isn’t actually noon.

still, but it was also the middle of winter, even in the Everfree, meaning that the trees had no leaves on them and plenty of sunlight was shining into the forest, lighting its darkest corners.

Doctor: Which really does kill the horror quite a bit. It isn’t particularly scary when something tries to jump out at you from a well lit corner.

On the other hoof, not only was the sun shining in the clear blue skies – still faintly studded with stars beyond the disc’s glare – but it seemed to be burning with more intensity than was natural for the season.

Ditzy: Which still isn’t scary in the slightest. I’ll take that over a pitch black forest anyday.

The snow and ice that blanketed the Everfree was melting quickly, making the air unexpectedly stifling, especially for six ponies clad in winter capes and hats. The two unicorns in the group, at least, were grateful that they had thought to leave their additional articles of clothing behind at Carrot Top’s.

Ditzy: Canterlot unicorns hate getting sweaty.

“Hang on,” Raindrops said, beating her wings and rising. “I’ll see if I can get us a point of reference or spot the ruins…”

Ditzy: Well, she’s dead.

Doctor: Haven’t you seen a horror movie before? The one that goes off on their own always mets a horrible, terrible fate.

Ditzy: Don’t split the party you dolt!

The other five ponies watched her rise into the sky, then looked between each other awkwardly. So far, their valiant quest to save Equestria and its ponies had amounted to a walk through a humid forest full of melting snow, bothered only by their imaginations and the stories of the place.

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) Have you ever heard about the one about the blankflanked zombies? I hear they lure you into their village and turn you into one of them, dooming your soul there for all eternity!

The silence stretched.

After a moment, it continued to stretch.

And eventually, it proceeded to continue to stretch.

Doctor: Yep, and it keeps going.

Ditzy: The whole fic is going to be just this.

“Somepony,” Carrot Top broke the silence at last, eliciting a startled jump from Trixie and Ditzy Doo both, though the others handled it somewhat better, “please just say or do something so I can stop thinking about the past few hours.”

Doctor: But, it isn’t like you had a love one taken from you. So why are you so broken up about what happened?

There was a pause that threatened to become another bout of awkward silence before

Ditzy: Awkward Silence: The Fanfic.

Cheerilee spoke up. “Well,” she said. “Apart from Lyra, I don’t know most of you very well. So how about we start with that?”

Doctor: (Cheerilee) I want a ten page report about your life and interests.

She nodded to herself at the thought. “Just like on the first day of class, or when a new student comes in, they introduce themselves and say a little about…”

Doctor: And it is a quick and lazy way to explain to the audience what they characters are like.

she trailed off after a moment at the looks from the other ponies, and hung her head. “Sorry…stupid idea…”

Doctor: Imagine a story spending an entire chapter having the characters’ explain their life stories instead of trying to save their love ones who have been kidnapped by a insane alicorn.

Ditzy: Oh no. This is going to be like that one chapter in Guardians of Magic all over again isn’t it?

Ditzy Doo shifted uncomfortably for a moment, before stepping forward. “Hi everypony,” she said, her voice somewhat monotone. “I’m Ditzy Doo.

All: Hi Ditzy.

I deliver the mail to you,” she pointed to Lyra, “and you, or I will once you start getting some,” she pointed to Trixie, then finished by pointing straight up, “and to Raindrops. I have a very severe case of strabismus – walled eyes – and have since I was born.”

Ditzy: Yep, no tragic backstory. Sorry fanfic writers.

She thought a moment, scratching the back of her head with one hoof in thought, before chuckling. “And I’m a horrible judge of character when it comes to stallions.”

Ditzy: (Ditzy) It turns out my last coltfriend thought Pony Trek Into Darkness was a far superior movie to the Wrath of Khan. I couldn’t dump him fast enough.

Her low laughter prompted similar chortles from the other ponies. Trixie assumed that Ditzy was referring to whatever circumstances saw her carrying and raising Dinky Daisy Doo at so young an age.

Doctor: (Trixie) The creep probably left her after he found out she was pregnant and refused to take responsibility for his child.

It was probably a good sign that Ditzy Doo was able to laugh at the situation.

Ditzy: She was surprised at the lack of cursing her ex to Tartarus.

Cheerilee nodded. “Oh!” she said. “And your cutie mark? Your special talent?”

Ditzy Doo blinked. “Um…” she said, looking at her flank, where seven bubbles floated. “Air currents. I’m really good at feeling air currents, even tiny breezes. I’d probably be a weather pony if not for my disability.”

Ditzy: What? That’s never been a problem for me!

Doctor: Aren’t there employment discrimination laws against that?

Ditzy: Yeah! I could probably sue actually!

Cheerilee offered a polite series of hoof-stamps for Ditzy Doo,

Doctor: They aren’t a bunch of foals Cheerilee.

and the other four ponies, despite themselves, joined in. “Okay,” she said, “who’s next?”

Ditzy: Ugh, is this whole chapter going to be just them reading their Ponybook profile?

Doctor: (Sighs) So it would seem. You best get comfortable.

“Me,” Lyra volunteered. Trixie did not find it surprising that the two ponies who’d personally lost somepony were the most eager to take part in Cheerilee’s little exercise, to try and forget about Corona stealing their loved ones.

Ditzy: It’s almost like that’s important or something!

“Lyra Heartstrings. My special talent is music, especially strings and especially the lyre, but I can play just about anything you put in front of me,

Ditzy: Oh! Can you play the stroh violin?

Doctor: Can you play the Gyjvrenculkan guitar? They have 16 arms.

and I’m a good singer, too.

Doctor: (Lyra) You might know me from my work as an underground rap artist. I’m pretty big in the Canterlot clubbing scene.

I’ve just spent three years at Luna’s magic academy on a music scholarship.

Doctor: (Lyra) Now I only have 10 years left of payments on my student loans!

And I…” she got up on her hind legs, wobbling a little before balancing, “can do…” she began leaning backwards, almost falling over, but her forelegs arched out over her head in a thoroughly painful-looking position, “this!”

Ditzy: So you’re into yoga, so what?

The five ponies stared at Lyra, now with her horn nearly brushing the ground beneath her, legs splayed out unnaturally and with a grin on her face. “Ew,” Trixie declared. “Ew.”

Doctor: Hey, maybe you could use that in one of your next acts.

“Doesn’t that hurt?” Carrot Top asked.

Lyra let herself fall onto her back, before picking herself up. “Not really,” she remarked. “I’m double-jointed pretty much everywhere.”

Doctor: (Trixie) You should join a circus sideshow!

“Ew,” Trixie repeated. Lyra stuck her tongue out at her, prompting another round of low laughter from the group. Thankfully, Lyra didn’t seem to have – or else chose not to demonstrate – any facial contortion talents.

Ditzy: Lyra actually has the ability to make herself look like the Shoop da Whoop meme.

“That was…interesting,” Cheerilee decided.

Doctor: (Cheerilee) I can’t believe this. I only asked for a little background info, not if they had any freakish talents.

“I’ll go next. I was born in Ponyville and I’ve lived there my whole life. I teach the elementary school there. My cutie mark,” she turned slightly, presenting her right flank to the other four ponies, showing off the trio of blossoming yellow flowers, each of which had smiling faces on them, “represents my love of seeing my students learn, grow, and eventually blossom into whatever livelihood they want.”

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) If not, well...let’s just say I do a little pruning.

There was a moment of silence. “And?” Carrot Top asked.

Cheerilee offered a slight chuckle, blushing. “Um…that’s really it, actually.

Doctor: (Cheerilee) I’m not a particularly interesting character.

I’ve kind of been so concerned with getting a teaching license over the past few years, and then making sure that my first school year was going well, that I haven’t really done much else or…anything…”

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) I haven’t even been out with a friend in over five years! This is the most exciting thing I have done since I can remember!

“Oh, come on,” Lyra objected. “Even I’ve had time to see BonBon every now and then, and you were never that shy before I left…there’s got to be somepony…”

Doctor: Yes, because heaven forbid that someone might be perfectly fine without have a special someone in their life.

Cheerilee was probably blushing, but with her coat color it couldn’t be seen. She shook her head. “Not really, no.”

“We’ll have to fix that,” Lyra said, tapping a hoof to her mouth in thought.

Doctor: (Sighs) Poor Cheerilee. I know what it’s like to have someone thinking they are doing you a service by meddling in your love life.

Ditzy: Oh come on Doctor. I just don’t want you to be alone!

Doctor: (Sighs)

“Oh, here’s an idea. Trixie’s really friendly after a few drinks, she’d probably – ”

“Excuse me?” Trixie interrupted.

Doctor: Are you really encouraging Cheerilee to take advantage of Trixie while she’s intoxicated?

“Hush, I’m speaking for you,” Lyra commanded.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Trust me, you’re going to like it!

That prompted considerably more earnest laughter from Carrot Top, Lyra, and Ditzy Doo, while probably Cheerilee and definitely Trixie continued to blush furiously.

“I’m not into mares,” Trixie interrupted.

Ditzy: Sorry Trixie. You’re a fanfic character. So you’re either gay or maybe bi.

“That’s not what you said a few nights ago…” Lyra observed. “Me, and BonBon, and Pinkie Pie…”

Ditzy: (Lyra) The way you stared at Bon-Bon’s flank while she wasn’t looking.

“That was the bourbon. The bourbon is equal-opportunity. I’m not into mares.”

Cheerilee managed to laugh at that,

Doctor: (Cheerilee) The more you say that, the less convincing it is.

and even Trixie couldn’t suppress a slight grin. “I’m not either, actually,” she assured Trixie, as she turned to Carrot Top. “Okay, Carrot Top, how about you?”

Ditzy: Are we still doing this? Half of the chapter is already over!

Doctor: What? You don’t want to listen to Carrot Top’s obviously interesting and engaging life?

Her fellow earth pony followed the established pattern of showing off her cutie mark.

Ditzy: Though she strut her stuff a little bit more.

“You can probably guess what my special talent is,” she said of the three carrots emblazoned on her flank.

Doctor: Not necessarily, you might have a more obtuse one like Cheerilee. One look at her, and you might assume she’s a florist.

“I was actually born in the city, though, in Fillydelphia, but I used to come down to Ponyville to help my grandparents during the summers and the harvests. I was studying to be a…”

Doctor: (Carrot) A doctor, but I gave it up to be a carrot farmer. What the heck was I thinking?

she trailed off a moment in thought, before shaking her mane. “I don’t even remember. It wasn’t important, never really held me much.

Ditzy: (Carrot) Saving lives seemed a little boring anyway.

I loved the farm too much, and I earned my cutie mark there when I realized how much, when my grandparents first told me how good I was at planting and tending and harvesting and so on.

Ditzy: That’s...not much a cutie mark story.

When my grandparents passed on, well, my parents have their own lives in Fillydelphia, but all I wanted was to keep Golden Harvests – that’s my farm’s name – in business, didn’t want the farm just sold off. I’ve…been managing.”

Ditzy: (Carrot) I had to sell all of my possessions and have a diet of nothing but carrot and ramen noodles, but I get by.

She grimaced as she looked to Trixie. “In all honesty…the festival helped. It helped a lot.

Doctor: (Carrot) Now I don’t have to sell a kidney to get by this year.

You were right, the smaller farms in Ponyville shouldn’t just sit on the sidelines and let the Apples run roughshod over us.”

All: (Cheer)

Trixie shook her head. “That doesn’t make what I did right.”

“It means you did the right thing for the wrong reasons,” Carrot Top countered. “You said you were sorry. That’s what’s important.”

Ditzy: And hey, it’s a step against tyranny, and that’s always a good thing.

By now, everypony was looking expectantly at Trixie. The blue unicorn blinked as she realized this, looking up. “What is taking Raindrops so long?” she asked nonchalantly.

Doctor: Indeed. What is taking her so long?

Ditzy: Ugh, where are timberwolves when you need them?

“Come on, Trixie,” Cheerilee said. “The rest of us have opened up. You’re the one I was most curious about, though.”

“Yeah,” Ditzy Doo confirmed. “I mean, we all knew about each other in some ways already even if we didn’t actually know each other.

Doctor: Like most Ponybook friends.

But apart from Lyra, I don’t think anypony here really knows you all that well.”

Doctor: Except from all the tabloids of course.

“And not even me,” Lyra noted. “Nothing besides a few rumors and the past two days, anyway.”

Ditzy: (Lyra) Is it true you’re in a secret forbidden love affair with Princess Luna?!

Trixie looked between her companions, then let out a long sigh, slumping a little. “Alright,” she conceded. Everypony else had opened up, she supposed it was only fair that she did – though when Raindrops went back she made a mental note to make sure that the weather pony was also pressed into this. “My name’s Trixie Lulamoon but do not call me Lulamoon, ever. I was born and raised in Neigh Orleans, but I’ve lost the accent

Ditzy: That’s horrible. Have you checked beneath your bed or between the couch cushions. 

since I’ve spent the past ten years in Canterlot.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) I’m still a loyal Saints fan though. The Canterlot Phoenixes can go to Tartarus!

“Except when drunk,” Lyra noted. “When it’s okay to call you Lulamoon, too.”

“Apparently,” Trixie observed in a dry voice.

Ditzy: Since drinking makes you open up, does this mean that she actually likes the name?

“How’d you become Luna’s student?” The mint unicorn continued. “I mean…was there, like, some kind of contest that I missed or something? Or some special test for Luna’s school for gifted unicorns?”

Doctor: (Lyra) It isn’t like you could have actually done something to earn it somehow.

Trixie shook her head, and grimaced. “My grand-père – grandfather – was Quartermoon the Magnificent, the greatest magician to have ever lived.

Ditzy: Right! Screw you Hoofdini you hack!

His cutie mark was the same as mine,” Trixie brushed aside her cape so that she could show off the crescent-shaped nebula of stars and magic wand that was her cutie mark. “He was an earth pony.”

“An earth pony who’s special talent was magic?” Carrot Top asked incredulously.

Ditzy: (Carrot Top) What a freak!

Doctor: Why are you so surprised? Earth ponies have magic too.

Trixie nodded. “He was a stage magician. Sleight-of-hoof, smoke and mirrors, rabbits from a hat, chop cup, making things disappear from plain sight, you name it,

Doctor: (Trixie) One time he made the entire audience disappear.

he could do it better than anypony else. He always had some new trick. Whenever Grandpapa came by to visit, he used to tuck me into bed and, rather than read me a bedtime story, he’d put on a private show. Everypony loved him, including one pony in particular, who made it a point to see every one of his shows whenever he came to Canterlot, though always in disguise: Princess Luna.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) The princess secretly wrote self insert fanfics about him.

Trixie should have been saying what she was with immense pride and happiness; instead, her tone of voice was somber. The other ponies looked between each other as Trixie paused. “What happened?” Ditzy Doo asked.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) Did he mysteriously disappear and you have been searching for him ever since?

Trixie shrugged. “He got old,” she said.

Doctor: (Trixie) What do you think this is? A comic book?

“But wouldn’t admit it.

Doctor: (Trixie) It was a little embarrassing. He dyed his hair, got a sports car, got several tattoos, went clubbing and partied hard, and started dating mares a third his age.

Until one day, on stage in Canterlot, he collapsed – liver failure. Luna dropped her disguise and personally took him to the nearest hospital.

Ditzy: (Trixie) It was called the Tombs Memorial Hospital.

My entire family was rushed up from Neigh Orleans to see him. Nopony wanted to tell me what was happening, but I figured it out, or at least put things together as best I could for a filly. I knew he was dying, and I knew that meant he was going to go to sleep and he wasn’t going to wake up, ever.

Doctor: (Cheerilee) Yes Trixie, we know what dying means. We aren’t fillies.

And I knew that if that was happening to me,

Doctor: (Trixie) I would want a way to save myself. So I borrowed the Necroponicon from the school library and helped him sell his soul for immortality.

that I’d want him to give me a magic show before I went to sleep. So I somehow managed to convince my aunt and uncle, his doctors, and Luna

Ditzy: Why Princess Luna? She doesn’t have any say in this whatsoever.

to let me put on one for him. It was while I was doing this for Grandpapa that I earned my cutie mark, since I realized how much I loved doing magic – spells and sleight of hoof both – and loved doing it for an audience, for ponies in general.”

Doctor: Which is why your are working to become a politician instead of a high profile stage magician in Las Pegasus.

The other ponies glanced between each other.

Doctor: (Lyra) She’s the only one that has an interesting cutie mark story.

The earning of a cutie mark was usually something joyous and filled with wonder and glee – very often it ranked as the happiest moment of anypony’s life, or close to it.

Ditzy: The day you got married to your one true love or the day your first foal was born? Pfft. Whatever.

For Trixie, though, there didn’t seem to be any happiness.

Doctor: Trixie found happiness a thing that happens to deluded ponies that don’t know the true face of the world.

“So…so you earned your cutie mark…” Cheerilee observed, “while basically telling a bed-time story to your own dying grandfather…that just might be the saddest thing I’ve ever heard…”

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) No wonder you’re a horrible miserable pony that needs spread the suffering around to feel better about herself.

Trixie laughed at that – not ironically, but a full, deep laugh at the memory, which startled the ponies from their somber thoughts. “I haven’t told you about the show yet, that was the sad part,” she reminisced. “It was the worst ever. 

Doctor: (Trixie) I’ve always been rather lukewarm about the part where my grandfather dies myself. This is the important part!

My sleight-of-hoof was awful, even for just a filly.

Ditzy: (Trixie) I sucked at a truly epic level.

I botched one trick in particular and flipped a bedpan and it ended up on my head, thank the stars it was empty…” Trixie leaned forward a little, one hoof at her stomach as she laughed. At the thought of a filly Trixie wearing a bedpan for a hat, the other mares began laughing as well.

“Grandpapa heckled me something awful,”

Ditzy: What a nice pony.

Trixie continued after the laughter had died down,

Doctor: (Trixie) Grandpapa would always criticize every little thing I did. Even my successes he ridiculed. Nothing was ever good enough for him!

“but he also gave me pointers, and he was enjoying my show and what it meant.

Ditzy: It was a trainwreck he thoroughly enjoyed.

After I was done Grandpapa said that I was the worst magician alive,

Ditzy: Now I don’t feel so bad about him dying. No wonder Trixie is so messed up.

but that I had potential and more talent than he’d had at the same age, and to not give up.

Doctor: (Trixie) Take notes Ditzy. This is the proper way to teach a filly. Constant belittlement with faint hints of praise to keep them going.

And that was the last time I saw him alive. He died early the next morning. After the funeral, Luna came up to my family and I. She said that ponies with magic as their special talents are rare, but ponies with doing magic for others are one in a million.

Doctor: The stage magician field must be a very sparse.

She offered me her personal apprenticeship.

Doctor: That makes sense. She didn’t make you her student because you were talented or special in any way. She did because she’s a Quartermoon the Magnificent fangirl.

My family agreed, I accepted, and…well, here I am, saving the world.”

Ditzy: Yeah, you never really expect something like that to fall on your lap. One morning you're living your normal, boring life then boom! your off saving the world!

“And trying to ruin festivals,” Carrot Top observed.

Doctor: Trixie’s story had little effect on Carrot Top and found it the perfect opportunity to snark.

“No, that was before,” Ditzy Doo pointed out, before Trixie could respond. “Now it’s saving the world. She can get back to ruining things later.”

Ditzy: (Carrot) Heck, who’s to say she won’t royally ruin this as well like every other thing in her life.

“Are you kidding?” Trixie asked, suppressing her desire to snark at Carrot Top over her comment. “If we make it through this alive, I’m going to lock myself in a distillery for a week.”

Doctor: (Trixie) I’ve always wanted to drink straight from a distiller.

Lyra chuckled at that. “Lulamoon’s more fun than Trixie, anyway.”

“We are not calling drunk me Lulamoon,” Trixie insisted, blushing furiously. “We’re not.”

Doctor: (Trixie) I prefer we call her Gladys.

“You’re not,” Cheerilee corrected, tapping a hoof to her mouth as she considered it. “I think we’re going to.”

Ditzy: Trixie’s future friends! Ready to mock, tease, and ridicule her at every opportunity!

Everypony began laughing at that, even Trixie. The comment wasn’t all that funny in and of itself,

All: Tell me about it.

but given the stress and pain of the last few hours, it felt good to just unwind and laugh,

Ditzy: They start telling yo’ mama jokes and were in stitches.

even if only for a little while, forgetting the dire situation they were in and pretending that they were just by themselves in a warm home somewhere.

Ditzy: True. We all need to unwind. Oh hey, what’s that monster over there?

“Hey, what’d I miss?” a voice called from above the five ponies. Looking up, they saw Raindrops overhead, coming in for a smooth landing beside the other five.

Ditzy: Thank Celestia! Maybe we can get back on the adventure again!

Cheerilee pointed at her. “Cutie mark and embarrassing personal details, now,” she ordered.

The other mares, besides Raindrops, burst out into a fresh round of giggles, as Raindrops simply looked between them like they’d lost their minds.

Doctor: I don’t think that out the realm of possibility.

“O…kay…” the pegasus ventured.

Ditzy: (Raindrops) Have you been passing booze around?

“So we’re just going to sit here laughing instead of saving Equestria and the kidnapped ponies, then?”

Ditzy: I’m sure it’s fine. Corona can’t do anything until they hit the next event trigger,

That managed to kill the mood rather thoroughly.

Ditzy: Wait, so we aren’t going to to spend four or five paragraph telling pointless backstory?

All: (Cheer)

“It was Cheerilee’s idea,” Carrot Top explained. “We were getting to know each other, rather than thinking about…well. Everything. And it was working.”

Doctor: (Carrot) We were just trying to ignore that fact that the ponies we love might be killed at a moment's notice by a crazed moody alicorn.

Raindrops opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a new voice from behind the ponies. “How strange it was to hear laughter in my ears,” the deep, though still obviously female, voice said, “when this forest usually brings out ponies’ fears. But I found it a pleasant sound though danger presses all around.”

Doctor: Dangers that are all on a smoke break apparently.

The collective mares all turned to look, and found themselves staring at a pony, or at least a being with a pony’s shape. Her coat was striped in light and dark gray, standing in stark contrast to the bright golden rings at her ears, around her neck, and around her front right leg. She was wearing a brown, hooded cloak, though the hood was laid down, showing off a mane – striped as she was – that was styled upwards in a tall Mohawk.

“Um…” Trixie ventured. “Hi?”

Ditzy: (Trixie) I love the haircut! You need to tell me your stylist!

“This is Zecora,” Raindrops said, trotting around her companions to stand next to the newcomer. “And…” she looked around, checking behind Zecora. “Where did…? Did he fall behind?”

“My companion you seek? A good pace he normally keeps,” Zecora said. “He remained behind, I’d wager, to…see to a call of nature.”

Raindrops nodded at that. “Ah, got it.” She looked back to the other mares. “Anyway. This is Zecora, she’s a zebra. Apparently she lives in the Everfree.”

Doctor: (Raindrops) She’s trying to open a tour guide business.

“A zebra?” Cheerilee asked, eyes wide. “What are you doing in Equestria?”

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) You should be with your own kind!

“My people’s traditional shaman test,” Zecora said, nodding her head. “I have come here on my spirit quest.

Ditzy: Great now, even Zecora is giving her life story! Zecora!

Doctor: Might as well get it all out of the way I guess.

Ditzy: Exploring their backstories in a future story would pretty boring.

Doctor: Right, and the pilot is the perfect place for it!

Great power did I feel stirring,

 Ditzy: (Zecora) My scouter went whirling.

and so I came here unerring.” The zebra grimaced as she glanced upwards. “Though I did not know I sought the sun spirit. You ponies are right to fear it.”

“And you live in the Everfree?” Ditzy Doo asked. “How is that even possible?”

Ditzy: (Ditzy) You should do a Discovery Channel survival reality show!

Zecora offered a knowing smile. “Compared to the dangers of my homeland, the perils of the Everfree are easy to stand.”

Doctor: There everything tries to kill you every second of everyday. Like Austfillia.

“I found her while looking around,” Raindrops observed. “Plus her companion.

Ditzy: (Raindrops) She was next to this weird blue box for some reason.

They said they know the way to the palace ruin and they’re willing to help us get there.”

“Z’s willing,” a new voice said. “I don’t want to go near the place, but no one cares what I think…”

Being the third time somepony had appeared out of nowhere, the gathered mares thought themselves prepared for whoever was trudging through the path covered by melting snow. They were wrong, for several reasons.

Ditzy: Her companion was a giant flamboyant sea serpent.

He was about half as tall as Lyra, the tallest pony of the group. He was colored purple and green. Specifically, he was covered in purple and green scales. He also walked upright, on two legs, and he was emphatically not a pony, instead a being with a large-eyed head, a mouth full of sharp teeth, two short arms ending in four-fingered hands, and a short tail, with green spines running down his back. Unlike everypony else, he wasn’t wearing anything to ward off the cold of the snow, but he didn’t seem particularly bothered by it, either.

Ditzy: Oh hey Spike! What a minute....

“Ah,” Zecora observed, “in this foreign land he has been my boon companion: I would like to introduce Spike, the baby dragon.”

Ditzy: The baby dragon baby!

“Hi,” Spike said with a wave.

The ponies stared. Spike stared back.

Ditzy: What? He isn’t that odd looking.

Doctor: True, most ponies barely give him a second look.

After several moments, he started making poses, flexing his muscles.

Doctor: A little fan service for Ditzy here.

Ditzy: Finally I get something good out of this! Look darn good Spike!

“I know, right?” he asked, waving his brow slightly.

Doctor: (Cheerilee) What a hunk!

Ditzy: (Carrot) Please take me now!

“B…baby dragon?” Lyra observed, trotting forward. “He’s…you’re…

Ditzy: If you say pet, I’m going to smack you.

what’s a dragon doing in Equestria?”

Doctor: (Lyra) Please don’t eat me!

Spike shrugged. “I dunno.”

Ditzy: Oh no. Don’t tell me he has amnesia.

The ponies stared. Interestingly enough, Zecora was among them.

“What?” Spike asked. “I don’t remember what I was like when I was a hatchling. Do you remember what you were like when you were all newborns?”

Doctor: The time you’re apparently a genius and know the secrets of the universe.

“Okay…” Cheerilee said. “How about afterwards?”

Spike shrugged again, then pointed to Zecora. “Don’t remember anything before meeting Z.

Doctor: Yep amnesia.

Ditzy: You’ve got to be kidding me.

We were both strangers in a strange land. So we’ve been hanging out.”

Ditzy: (Spike) We do Let’s Play videos and upload them on Ponytube.

Trixie blinked. “And thus was our surrealism quota filled for the day,” she observed.

Ditzy: What does it say about my life that this doesn’t even register on my radar?

Doctor: Surrealism is destructive, but it destroys only what it considers to be shackles limiting our vision.

“With due respect to you pony folk,” Zecora said, “The sun spirit’s freedom is no joke. I do not wish to appear callous, but we should make haste to the ruined palace.”

Doctor: You can’t do that! Raindrops still hasn’t given her life story yet! You can’t leave us hanging!

Ditzy: Yeah, this story needs at three more pages of heart pounding exposition! I can’t get enough of it!

The mares tore their gazes away from Spike, then nodded almost as one. “Alright,” Carrot Top said. “Lead on.”

Doctor: (Zecora) That will 30 bits. To expect us to venture forth into such dangers without payment you must this twits.

“Okay…” Spike said with a sigh,

Ditzy: Spike seems pretty much the same and pretty normal. Things are finally looking up!

as Zecora and the ponies turned and the latter began to follow the former. “Let’s go back to the place filled with all sorts of horrible death traps…”

Ditzy: I hope they have the rolling boulder trap. I love that one! Next Chapter: Episode 23 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 12 Estimated time remaining: 6 Hours, 4 Minutes