Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 22 - Part 4

Were the immortal alicorn anywhere else,  it would have been impossible for Trixie to even attempt to avoid her –

Doctor: Luna loved using that separation spell to spy on Trixie.

but as it stood, tonight Luna was powerless precisely because she was the princess.

Doctor: Ponies and paparazzi pounded on her all night.

Everypony wanted a moment of her time,

Ditzy: (Pony) Oh my gosh! I just got a piece of the Princess’s hair! I will love and cherish it for the rest of my life!

to ask for advice from a being with the wisdom of millennia behind her.

Ditzy: (Pony) I’m thinking about buying a new hat. Do you have any advice for what kind I should get? I want something that really goes well with my mane!

Everypony wanted her blessing on some task they wanted to undertake.

Ditzy: (Pony) Hey, could you bless me as I remodel my porch?

Doctor: (Pony) They are having a three for one sale on canned strawberries tomorrow at the grocery store. Could bless you me so they don’t run out before I get there?

Everypony wanted to give her some kind of gift, and her accepting it would be taken as a sign of royal approval.

Doctor: (Luna) A singing bass...thanks.

Ditzy: (Luna) A gift certificate to a stationary store?

Doctor: (Luna) Do ponies think of me as a sort of dumping ground for things they don’t want?

But mostly, everypony wanted to simply bask in her presence.

Doctor: Some ponies thought being around a princess cured blindness, leprosy, and being crippled.

It was interesting. Many ponies feared Luna,

Doctor: I suppose her odd macabre tastes and the fact she likes to fly around in an evil-looking chariot don’t help her image.

for her power and for being essentially the physical embodiment of the night,

Ditzy: Ponies thought she was a cannibal who ate bad ponies.

and rare was the pony who didn’t have a hundred opinions about the Night Court and the dark, shadowy competitions enacted by the noble herds of Equestria that affected the lives of thousands of ponies –

Ditzy: (Pony) I think they are really aliens bent on Equestrian domination and they replaced the princess with a pod pony!

and similar opinions of Luna, who orchestrated the Night Court to her whims

Doctor: (Luna) The mayor of Manehatten was rude to me the other day, I think I will cut funding to the sewer overhaul project he was planning until he apologizes.

and was often seen as some kind of manipulative schemer who was directing all of Equestria in a game to which only she knew the rules.

Ditzy: She was really playing an elaborate game of tic-tac-toe with Equestria!

But on the other hoof, she had just done for them what some ponies were describing as the most beautiful sight of their lives,

Doctor: Completely making up for every underhooved and dirty dealings she has done over the centuries.

and up close and personal, Luna seemed surprisingly warm and approachable –

Ditzy: The perfect way to distract them from the growing unemployment problem and the floundering economy!

which meant everypony except one blue unicorn wanted to approach her, and that blue unicorn was doing a far better job of keeping away from her mentor than she thought she would have been able to manage.

Doctor: And her groucho mask created the perfect disguise.

Trixie took a deep breath. She had finished clearing out a large space in front of her new home, cordoning it off with a few chairs used to create an impromptu acting arena.

Doctor: She was going to do a rendition of Death of a Salespony.

She wished she had a proper stage to work with, but then again working on street level had its own charm, or at least that’s what her grand-père, Quartermoon, had said about his early days in showbusiness.

Doctor: (Quartermoon) In my day we didn’t have your fancy ‘stages’! We did on the street! In negative 30 degree weather during a blizzard! And ponies threw rocks at us! Nice big ones that would break your skull if they hit you! None of your namby-pamby rotten fruit! And we liked it that way! You foals today don’t know how good you have it!

Not as many ponies would be able to see her, but they would hear her almost as well, and their curiosity would be all the greater.

Ditzy: Or they would yell at her to shut up so they can enjoy the festival.

Trixie had a moment of doubt as she stood still, invisibility spell wrapped around her form. Once she started, there’d be no going back. She didn’t fully know what Luna’s reaction would be, but it certainly wouldn’t be pleasant.

Doctor: Yep, banishment to the sun for sure.

Still – Trixie reminded herself that Luna had banished her to Ponyville. Had dumped her here to rot.

Ditzy: When in reality it was to pasteurize.

Steeling her resolve, Trixie channeled magic through her horn – fortunately, her invisibility spell did its job of hiding her presence –

Doctor: Until some dogs started barking at her.

and she cast two spells simultaneously: an illusory, bright fireworks, not quite as good as the real thing but certainly attention-grabbing; and a ghost sound copy of the noise of a fireworks display to accompany it.

Ditzy: Spooky ghost sounds and fireworks? Whatever floats your boat Trixie.

There was, of course, a crush of ponies nearby anyway, as everypony wanted to be inside the unicorn-created bubble of warm air.

Doctor: They were fighting and biting each for warmth.

Still, she had succeeded at getting a large number of ponies looking her way, eager to see what was coming up next in the night.

Ditzy: Well, I guess ponies in Ponyville certainly like a show.

“Fillies and gentlecolts!” Trixie exclaimed – still invisible, and after wrapping another spell around her throat, which would enhance it enough so that everypony nearby would hear it without trouble. She set off more illusory fireworks, these ones streamers that mostly spun in place as a lightshow. “Come one! Come all! Come and see the greatest show in all of Equestria! Tonight on the Longest Night, see the astounding magical prowess of the one – the only – descendent of the legendary Star Swirl the Bearded – ” technically, actually, it was Star Swirl’s sister-in-law, but the Ponyvillians didn’t need to know that, “

Doctor: (Trixie) You may now worship me peasants.

 – trained in the arts of sorcery and spell-shaping by Princess Luna herself – the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

Doctor: There it is.

Ditzy: I was actually starting to miss it.

And with that, Trixie threw down a final illusion and let her invisibility spell slip as a bright flash and cerulean smoke filled her staked-out area. The smoke dissipated quickly, leaving only Trixie – clad in her hat and cape, of course, but also wearing a dark blue undershirt and a deep purple jacket with loose sleeves for her front legs, buttoned across her chest and stomach.

Ditzy: The best part is she didn’t actually have to wear anything!

 It was part of what she’d worn it to the last Grand Galloping Gala, and fit her ‘theme’ perfectly.

Ditzy: And was surprisingly fetching Galawear.

She already had a small crowd of ponies standing in place, ready and waiting for her to live up to her introductory speech.

Doctor: If not, well...Trixie’s really going to need a bath soon.

Most particularly, with such an overt and bright display of color and sound, she had attracted what Grandpapa Quartermoon had always claimed was the key to a successful magic show:

Doctor: Ponies easily distracted and impressed by bright lights?

Foals, little colts and fillies who were so much easier to fool with sleight-of-hoof and always had a much less critical eye.

Doctor: That and Trixie assumed that children are stupid.

Ditzy: The truth is Trixie was really bad at it and was laughable if you watched her closely.

“Now then,” Trixie said to the audience, “quick note before we begin. All that?” she waved a hoof behind her as though referencing the light show she had just put on. “Some spells. Little illusions and ghost sounds and flashing lights that any unicorn could do with practice.

Ditzy: It shows just how much the princess has wasted her time with you.

And I, Trixie, am not saying it was easy, and I’m not saying that it wasn’t, in its own way, magic.” As she turned around, she flicked one hoof, and from seemingly thin air produced a pair of scissors, which she caught with telekinesis. “But the really impressive stuff,” she said, flicking her other hoof and producing a large, white quill, “well, that’s what Trixie intends to show you!”

Doctor: (Trixie) Now who wants to step up first so Trixie can belittle and humiliate them!

Trixie produced four more items that she had found around her home – a deck of cards,

Ditzy: Her old school Dark Magician deck.

a carrot,

Ditzy: To create a snowpony sidekick.

a flask,

Doctor: Four chapters was far too long to not get completely plastered.

and a pair of silver bits –

Ditzy: Trixie thought the coin behind the ear trick was the height of illusionary tricks.

as well as a sheet of paper and separate, black writing quill.

Ditzy: It seems Trixie can’t count. That’s six items.

Using her telekinesis, she laid out the first six items in front of her, from left to right in the order that she had produced them in so that the scissors were furthest to her right and the bits furthest to her left, while the black quill and paper remained separate from the pile.

Doctor: Her demon summoning ritual was almost complete!

Smiling at the audience, she wrote a few things on the paper, then folded it in half and moved her line of items forward, while appraising her modest audience.

Ditzy: There were 4 ponies, bear, a cat, and a chicken  in the audience.

She smiled when she noticed one filly in particular, wrapped in a foal-sized winter cloak and sitting close to her gray pegasus mother.

Doctor: (Daisy) I think I will be able to bean Trixie in the head with these eggs from here!

“You there!” Trixie exclaimed, pointing a hoof at Dinky Daisy Doo. “Come over here for a minute.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) You’re my first victim! Trixie will show how small and insignificant you are compared to the The Great and Powerful Trixie!

The unicorn filly’s eyes widened a little, as she looked to Ditzy Doo as though for permission. In response, Ditzy smiled and nudged Dinky Daisy with one hoof.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) If you think I’m going to offer myself as tribute, you’re sadly mistaken.

The filly trotted forward eagerly at that, stopping on the other side of Trixie’s line of items.

“Say your name for the audience,” Trixie said, waving a hoof at the ponies watching.

“Dinky Daisy Doo!” the filly exclaimed brightly as she looked at them,

Doctor: (Daisy) You might know me from my work in theater and TV.

though she turned back to Trixie quickly. She leaned forward a little, and spoke in a quieter voice next. “I figured out how you made that bit appear on top of my head.”

Ditzy: (Daisy) You’re nothing but a fraud!

Trixie smiled. “Did you? Well, here’s a new one.”

Doctor: (Trixie) We’re going to do the blade box trick!

In a louder voice, and looking more at the audience than Dinky Daisy, she continued. “Now then, Dinky Daisy Doo. Name a number between one and six.”

Ditzy: (Daisy) 2.230012952621!

“Five,” Dinky Daisy said, eyeing the flask.

Doctor: (Daisy) Getting drunk in front of a bunch of foals. Shameful!

“F-I-V-E,” Trixie spelled out,

Doctor: The whole crowd clapped at the achievement.

hoof pointing to the bits first and then moving backwards, until she ended up on the deck of cards. “Oh, thank goodness. I don’t know much magic involving carrots.”

Ditzy: Was...that suppose to be a joke?

Doctor: (Shrugs)

 As she said that, she unfolded the piece of paper hovering behind her, showing that she had written deck of cards on it. Two colts seemed impressed by the trick, but most everyone in the audience seemed underwhelmed.

Doctor: They started getting their rotten produce ready.

Dinky Daisy pouted a little. “That wasn’t magic,” she objected.

Ditzy: (Daisy) You’re a hack.

“Not really, no,” Trixie confirmed as she put the remaining objects on the ground behind her and used her telekinesis to withdraw the fifty-four cards within and spread them out in front of Dinky Daisy. “Now then. Pick a card. Any card! Show it to the audience, but do not show the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

Ditzy: (Pony) I don’t have my glasses. Which card did you pick?

Doctor: (Daisy) Oh, the 5 of clubs.

Ditzy: (Pony) Thank you!

Dinky Daisy considered the cards in front of her with the same kind of weight that an older mare would have given to her wedding dress.

Doctor: (Daisy) Hmm...what is the best way to mess up this trick?

At length, she indicated one. Trixie nodded as she pulled the deck together again, shuffling the cards thoroughly as she trotted forward, so that she was next to Dinky Daisy Doo. As she did, she flourished her cape slightly. “Alright,” she said, holding up the deck of cards and looking them over, considering. “The Great and Powerful Trixie thinks…it was…” she reached the end of the deck, looked confused a moment,

Ditzy: (Trixie) Oh crap! I forgot how to do this trick!

then stamped her left hoof in realization and pointed. “That one.”

Trixie didn’t point to the deck at all, but rather straight down, at Dinky’s Daisy’s hooves. The filly looked down, and her eyes widened and she backed up several paces in surprise at the card lying face-down right beneath her right front hoof, which nopony had seen arrive there. There were gasps from the audience, as well.

Doctor: It wasn’t that impressive.

Trixie telekinetically lifted up the card, considering its face for a moment before turning it to Dinky Daisy and the audience. “Seven of clubs?” she asked rhetorically. Dinky’s Daisy’s face – and that of the surprised audience – told her the answer already.

Doctor: (Daisy) Nope sorry. It was the jack of spades.

Dinky Daisy nodded, as did Trixie, even as she turned back to her piece of paper and unfolded the remainder of it, where she had written seven of clubs.

Ditzy: Not bad.

Doctor: She does have some skill I suppose.

Cue the hoof-stomps, Trixie thought with a smile even as the applause came, reserved but appreciative from the adults in the audience but very enthusiastic from the fifteen or twenty fillies and colts watching. Trixie bowed, and encouraged Dinky Daisy Doo to do likewise before sending her back to her mother, Dinky’s Daisy’s brow furrowed in thought as she tried to figure out Trixie’s tricks.

Good luck, kiddo, Trixie thought with a smirk,

Doctor: Until she checked out a ‘Magic Tricks for Beginners’ book out at the library.

Ditzy: Kiddo? She’s not a goat Trixie.

as she got ready to pull out the nails and get to more impressive magic.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Time to tie myself to a giant cannon ball and shoot myself out of a cannon.

She’d shown herself as competent enough, now it was time to wow the audience.

Ditzy: Are you going to swallow a running jackhammer?

Doctor: Cut yourself in half with a giant saw?

With a wave of her hoof, she pulled from its resting point far behind her a stool, a bright white ball, and a trio of metal cups.

All: Oh...

“Now,” Trixie said as she placed the items in front of her, the ball and cups on top of the stool, “this is one of the oldest tricks in the book. One ball, three cups, you all know it, some of you have probably done it, you know how it works, and where’s the fun in that?”

Ditzy: (Trixie) So I am going to do while in a straitjacket!

Trixie hefted two of the cups, considered a moment, then shrugged and tossed them over her shoulder, back where they had been. “One ball. One cup – ”

Doctor: (Trixie) Find the lady! Find the lady!

Trixie glanced at the audience, and saw her. Princess Luna had made her way to the front row of adult ponies, just behind the fillies and colts that were making up the front row of her audience.

Doctor: Eagerly holding a box a rotten apples.

The ponies had noticed her and were bowing in respect,

Ditzy: Some ponies rushed and retrieved a cushion for her to sit on.

and Luna acknowledged these with a nod even as she sat down on her stomach amidst of the foals, offering them a bright smile.

Doctor: (Filly) You have something in your teeth.

Then her gaze was focused entirely on Trixie.

Doctor: It bore into her soul.

Trixie offered a formal, curt bow of her own. “Princess Luna,” she acknowledged.

“Trixie,” Luna confirmed, bowing her own head. “My most faithful student. Please, don’t let me interrupt you more than I have already.”

Doctor: (Luna) I’ll save the interrupting for the heckling.

Trixie wanted to grimace, but she hid the expression well. “Alright,” she said pleasantly instead. “As I was saying: one ball, one cup. Try to keep up…”

Ditzy: (Luna) You suck! Get off the stage!

Doctor: What’s Trixie’s amazing innovation to this old trick you ask? Eh, it isn’t worth our time.

---

Quartermoon the Magnificent was considered the greatest magician of his era,

Ditzy: For foal birthday parties.

and probably the greatest magician to have ever lived,

Doctor: Really?

Ditzy: Better than Hoofdini?

a feat made all the more impressive by his being an earth pony.

Ditzy: Now I’m embarrassed at the ‘Trixie is a racist’ jokes I made earlier.

When he went on stage with nothing more than his signature top hat, cape, and beard,

Doctor: Something Trixie regretted not having.

Ditzy: But she could grow a rather fetching mustache.

he’d been able to receive applause; when he brought props to work with, that applause transformed into standing ovations and cries of encore.

Ditzy: Moral of the story? Actually bring props for your act.

Trixie was Quartermoon’s petite fille –

Ditzy: Somepony get her a sandwich!

his granddaughter. Growing up with him in the house in Neigh Orleans,

Ditzy: Oh, she’s an orphan. Does this mean her parents were tragically murdered like Dax’s?

Doctor: Probably.

Trixie couldn’t help but try to pick up his tricks, and she’d always displayed a natural talent for what Quartermoon called ‘real magic.’

Ditzy: So...why would Princess Luna take her on as a student then? Why isn’t she training with Copperstone or something?

Spells? Spells were impressive in their own right, but one in three ponies in Equestria could not only cast spells, but did so almost every day of their lives.

Doctor: Yes, but not many of them can cast illusions or become invisible.

Ditzy: Why is it non-unicorns assume that most unicorns can cast spells like Twilight?

No, to Quartermoon, magic was supposed to be deep, and primal – hardly surprising for an earth pony to think such – but above all else it had to be wondrous. If one saw an act of magic and yawned or thought of it as ordinary, then it wasn’t real magic at all, just a cheap facsimile.

Doctor: So we suppose to take Trixie’s tricks as not real magic then?

Of course, everything that she’d learned from her Grandpapa – the sleight of hoof, the art of misdirection, the smoke and mirrors – she was supplementing, tonight, with her own unicorn spell casting.

Doctor: So how about show us some of that impressive magic than telling us about it?

Ditzy: Yeah! I want a show!

With her horn carefully hidden under her hat, nopony had any way of knowing when she was casting a spell,

Doctor: If you ignore the fact that no spell can be cast silently.

and she made a point of taking off her hat and performing through pure sleight-of-hoof for a good portion of the show.

Ditzy: Using a spell that cast an illusion that make it look like she wasn’t actually casting magic with her horn!

Trixie felt somewhat bad for using spells to supplement her street magic,

Doctor: But Luna’s Night Court had taught her the folly of having morals.

but her Grandpapa himself had said that it was alright for Trixie to do so, as long as the sense of wonder and mystery remained. Plus, while she really was enjoying herself, she was here for a purpose.

You want to dump me here? Trixie thought, as she finished up another act, this one supplemented by an illusion spell Luna had taught her not two months ago.

Ditzy: It was really really cool! Just trust us on this!

You want to just leave me here and forget about me? Fine. This is how I’ll waste your teachings. The magic taught to me by an alicorn – squandered on street magic.

Doctor: (Trixie) And I plan on spending the next ten years as a fry cook at Wacky Hut!

Trixie felt herself getting more than a little flustered – though she didn’t show it – as the show went on, and Luna had the audacity to not appear angry, or incensed, or even disappointed.

Ditzy: In truth Luna was just sleeping with her eyes open. A classic trick she learned for countless Night Court meetings.

She watched impassively, for the most part, her alicorn senses more than capable of keeping up with sleight-of-hoof attempts.

Ditzy: I...wasn’t aware they had that power. I will have to ask Princess Luna the next time I see her.

Doctor: No, she’s just paying close attention. Trixie is too arrogant to believe that anyone that isn’t an alicorn can follow her sleight-of-hoof.

Once or twice, however, Trixie was able to pull off a stunt that baffled even her –

Ditzy: Wow, that’s amazing! It’s a shame the author didn’t bother telling us what it is.

Doctor: Is it really so hard to come up with some magic tricks for Trixie to do?

Ditzy: Yeah, just get a book on magic and work from there!

and needless to say, those particular tricks were the ones that got the most applause from the audience, foals and adults alike.

Doctor: (Yawns) How fascinating,

Ditzy: So I take it we are only get to get one complete trick?

Eventually, she ran out of tricks, about half an hour before midnight.

Doctor: The entire show took 6 hours.

Ditzy: Hey you’re right! Considering she started the show a little bit after 5 or so.

She had, at least, closed with a bang, a complicated mix of several illusion and sleights-of-hoof that had seemed to make the house behind her outright disappear, ‘proven’ by shining beams of light ‘straight through’ it, before returning it – it was her home, after all, she remarked.

Ditzy: Her home is really a Tardis!

By now, her crowd had grown to impressive proportions,

Doctor: Thousands of ponies filled the streets.

with her having to pause the show about half-way through to ask for anyone watching to sit on their stomachs in order to ensure that everypony who wanted to see her at work could.

Ditzy: Ok author, I think you are really stretching your story’s believability here.

“Fillies and gentlecolts,” Trixie said with a bow, before offering a deeper, seemingly gracious one to the Princess. “Princess Luna…you’ve all been a wonderful audience, and the Great and Powerful Trixie looks forward to entertaining you in the future!”

Doctor: (Trixie) Also with vague and undefined tricks that you are suppose to assume are amazing!

Ditzy: And hopefully won’t be six hours long next time.

With that, Trixie threw her front hooves wide, conjuring illusory smoke and a ghost bang noise once more, using the distraction to make her exit straight backwards and into her home. By the time her illusory smoke cleared, nopony could see her.

Ditzy: (Pinkie)(Gasps) She’s gone! Oh, wait. There she is!

Doctor: (Trixie)(Grumbles)

Trixie let out a long, low sigh, standing still with her head pressed against her home’s door, eyes closed as she tried to decide whether she was angry, depressed, scared, all three, or something else. Regardless of how she felt, that was that. She hung up her hat near her door and trotted towards her living room, intent on getting a fire going and just spending the rest of the Longest Night awaiting the wrath of Princess Luna –

Doctor: Who I am sure isn’t just in the next room.

“Hello, Trixie.”

Trixie wasn’t even surprised that,

Ditzy: Princess Luna also watched Naruto religiously!

on opening the door to her living room, she found herself face-to-face with Luna. She paused a moment for posterity’s sake, before making her way in slowly, glaring at her mentor.

“Princess,” Trixie said once fully inside, bowing. “If you’d give me a moment to get a fire – ”

One of Luna’s eyes twitched, and a blue-hot flame ignited in the empty fireplace.

Ditzy: Wow! The princess can light things on fire with her mind!

A moment later, Luna levitated a few logs and tinder into place, and let them start burning. It took a few moments, but at length the fire cooled from blue to a more comfortable red, orange, and yellow as the logs and natural reactions took over for Luna’s magic. She’s angry, then, Trixie noted.

Doctor: The princess was known to burn something when angered.

She sat back on her haunches, staring at Luna and waiting. Luna stared back, her own position matching Trixie’s. For some time, the only sound was the cackle of the flames and the occasional snapping sound as the fire found a pocket of moisture or air in the logs.

Ditzy: And who says fanfics can’t be educational?

“Is it better,” Luna asked at length, her voice carefully neutral, “for a leader of ponies to be loved, or to be feared?”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Loved! No feared! No loved! Er, can I call a friend?

Trixie blinked a few times. Trixie had not been learning just magic from Luna.

Doctor: She was also taught grade-school level philosophy as well!

She’d been learning rhetoric and politics as well.

Doctor: In the Night Court way naturally.

And that particular question was among the first that Luna had ever posed to her.

Ditzy: The princess thought it was a good idea to teach Trixie how to instill fear in others at a young age.

“Both,” Trixie answered, confused at the conversation’s turn. “It’s best to be both, if possible – ”

Ditzy: (Trixie) If not, rule by absolute fear crushing all that stand in your way!

“And if it’s not? The ability to create such feelings in others can rarely be found together in a single pony.”

Ditzy: How about Fluttershy? She’s not somepony I would want to mess with.

“…then it depends on the pony,” Trixie continued. “Some ponies do better with love, some with fear. It depends on the circumstances of the times. Love is more sure but is outside of a leader’s control,

Doctor: (Trixie) So don’t bother with it.

fear is totally within her control but can lead to – ”

Ditzy: A visit from the Doctor and me!

“Yes, yes,” Luna responded, leaning forward. “But whether a leader is loved or feared, what must she always avoid?”

Doctor: Pointlessly killing your subjects for the smallest failing?

Ditzy: Over elaborate death traps?

“Hate,” Trixie responded. “Contempt.”

Doctor: Bzzt. Wrong. It’s hatred.

Luna nodded, leaning back. “Trixie,” she said. “You have spent the last year moaning and complaining, without end, about not being able to put everything I’ve taught you to practical use.

Ditzy: (Luna) You demanded that you should be given an army to conquer the Griffon Kingdom.

You have been wasting your time rather than continuing your studies.

Doctor: (Luna) I knew buying you that PonyStation thing was a mistake!

You have grown arrogant and self-assured about your own abilities, such that you managed to drive away the very, very small number of ponies left in Canterlot willing to give you a chance.

Ditzy: Even Minuette and she’ll be friends with anypony!

And after you melted the ice palace in a bout of stupidity,

Doctor: (Trixie) Well, maybe you shouldn’t have installed a heating system in your stupid ice palace.

you somehow managed to convince me that it was, in a way, my fault, that I was squandering your talents, that you were right, that it was time you were given a real job, real responsibility within my Night Court.”

Ditzy: Trixie got really lucky with her persuasion check.

Luna stood. “Two days,” she said, as she began to pace in a long, slow circle around Trixie. “You have been in Ponyville for two days, and what have you managed to do? I have been assaulted by ponies all night,

Doctor: Two days with Trixie in their town and the townsfolk are already out for blood!

Trixie, asking me to intervene in their problems. And can you guess, Trixie, what name has often come up tonight?”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Lyra Heartstrings and her amazing playing?

Trixie could, but she remained stoically silent, staring straight ahead rather than following Luna’s pacing form. ‘Luna’s eyes narrowed at that. “Your name, of course,” Luna continued. “I had one Carrot Top, asking for official royal sanction of her food stall tonight because she feared reprisals from the Apple Trust.

Ditzy: (Luna) Of course I gave her none. She was a fool for challenging the Apple Trust. In this world only the strong deserve to exist.

When I asked her why she dared set up the stall in the first place if she was so afraid, she said that it was because she was blackmailed by you.

Doctor: (Luna) Tsk tsk tsk. You didn’t blackmail her well enough for her spill the beans so quickly and easily. Has my Night Court taught you nothing?

“Next I was confronted by a weather pony named Raindrops, who asked me to officially outlaw weather-for-hire ponies

Ditzy: (Nods)

and do… extreme…things to a certain few in particular.

Doctor: (Luna) One of them was hanging a pony to death with their own innards.

When I asked why, she outlined how you had brought a dozen into town on short notice and, by doing so, essentially told her and her entire weather team that they were incapable of doing their jobs. This was especially stinging at her, because it appears that the storm over the Everfree Forest, which the wea        ther-for-hire ponies were brought in to deal with, has dissipated utterly over the past few hours.

Ditzy: Trixie felt really stupid when she found it the storm was dissipated single hoofed by none other than Rainbow Dash!

“Following this, I met a unicorn named Rarity, who was quarreling with an earth pony, Cheerilee.

Doctor: Those two argue like an old married couple.

Rarity alternated between informing me that Cheerilee had ruined everything, and apologizing profusely for the decorations. When I remarked that they seemed adequate, she almost fainted,

Ditzy: She was convinced that the Princess was going to send her to jail for being so unfabulous!

and went on at great length about how they used to be different – showed me her wonderful sketch, even – and how you had forced her to change everything for Cheerilee – this despite Cheerilee not asking you to do so.

Ditzy: And unable to merge the two into something amazing I guess.

Doctor:That is strange.

Ditzy: Maybe lacking generosity had something to do with it?

“Then there was Lyra Heartstrings. A graduate of my own academy whom I happened to bump into. When I complimented her music – honestly I was expecting the anthem and her last-minute change of mind was both surprising and more appropriate –

Ditzy: I guess the Princess really loves Row Row Row Your Boat.

Doctor: More appropriate? What does that mean exactly?

Ditzy: This is why the fic needs a soundtrack!

and remarked that I was grateful that at least somepony seems to have benefited from your presence…

Doctor: You might not like her methods, but she gets results!

well, the look on her face told me much of what I needed to know anyway,

Ditzy: It made Lyra feel like she needed a bath.

but at my insistence she went into the details of how you, by insulting her chosen profession, conned her into playing.”

Ditzy: Hey! Now we found a way to easily con her into doing anything!

Doctor: (Trixie) I bet there is no way a terrible homeless musician like you could ever mow my lawn!

Ditzy: (Lyra) Oh yeah! I’ll show you!

Luna’s slow pace had brought her full circle, to right in front of Trixie. She did not sit back down as she glared at Trixie, the blue unicorn matching it evenly. “And lastly,” she said, “I met the local leader of the Apple Trust, Applejack. She had a lot to say about you, about you trampling over Ponyville traditions,

Doctor: Yes, how dare she fight the oppressive status quo!

about you challenging the quality of her family’s produce,

Ditzy: This is like the only universe where Applejack puts tradition over apples.

and essentially, about you being rude, confrontational,

Doctor: (Trixie) What’s that suppose to mean?!

and in all ways unbecoming of a Representative of my Night Court.

Ditzy: (Luna) At least be rude and mean in a polite, passive aggressive way!

But there was another recurring theme besides your name, Trixie. Do you know what it was?”

Doctor: That everyone was relieved to not eat apples all night?

Ditzy: That Lyra really needs to get rid of her hat?

Trixie remained silent. Luna’s scowl deepened, as she spread her wings wide, and took several steps forward, getting close to Trixie. “Trixie, answer me,” she said, evenly.

Doctor: (Trixie) That Trixie is amazing, smoking hot, and is a perfect candidate to be a Representative of the Night Court?

Trixie clenched her teeth. “They want me gone,” she guessed, “don’t they?”

Ditzy: Actually, after your magic act, everypony changed their tune and are now begging for her to stay!

“Immediately,” Luna confirmed.

Doctor: And Pinkie has already started preparing her ‘Hooray Trixie Lulamoon is gone from our town forever’ party.

She lingered close to Trixie a moment more, before withdrawing, closing her eyes and shaking her head sadly, then wincing a little and rubbing one temple with her hoof.

Doctor: Meetings in the Night Court were never this headache inducing.

“And all this is not aided by the fact that I have had the worst headache I’ve had in centuries all through the night…” after a moment, she turned to look to Trixie.

Ditzy: (Luna) And this included that one wild party we had in Las Pegasus!

Doctor: (Luna) I still have no idea where that chicken came from!

“Oh, but that reminds me. Your magic show. I am very, very disappointed, Trixie.”

Ditzy: (Luna) You are an embarrassment to the Quartermoon name!

Trixie suppressed a grin. “Why?” she asked. “You don’t think I’m squandering your lessons, do you?”

Doctor: (Luna) What? No. I was hoping for you to at least escape a water tank while underwater while blindfolded and wearing a straight jacket.

“No,” Luna responded. Trixie’s eyes widened at that, as Luna continued. “In fact I wish you had hit upon this idea sooner. You are a vain, arrogant, attention-seeking pony, Trixie, but being on stage, with ponies watching you and giving you praise, is exactly what you need as an outlet for that.”

Doctor: (Luna) There you can be the powermad attention seeking glory hound you have always wanted to be!

Luna turned around to fully regard Trixie. “No, what I am disappointed in is that I know you, Trixie. I know you were hoping I would believe that you were wasting your talents, that this wasn’t a genuine effort on your part.

Doctor: It wasn’t a genuine effort...yet it wowed the whole town?

Ditzy: Trixie is just that amazing!

This was you trying to make me angry.

Ditzy: You were able to guess all that? Wow.

Although don’t fear: you have succeeded in doing that.”

Ditzy: (Luna) I wasted 15 years of my life on you!

Doctor: (Luna) I knew I should have taken that Twilight Sparkle filly instead!

Trixie felt something snap inside of her. “You’re angry?” she asked, shouting. Luna’s eyes widened a little, as she was clearly trying to remember the last time anypony had dared raise their voice to her.

Ditzy: Wait, this the first time Trixie has ever raised her voice towards Princess Luna? Really?

“You’re angry? You send me here with everything falling to pieces

Doctor: (Sighs) You really believe that don’t you.

and you have the gall to be angry? You exile me and – ”

Ditzy: (Trixie) And now a crazy pegasus is after my life!

“Exile?” Luna demanded, her own eyes narrowing as she stomped a hoof down. The room shook a little from the impact, but nothing broke. “Trixie, you’re the one who demanded more responsibility, and I gave it to you!”

Ditzy: Sure it's a dead end position that will lead to depression and crippling alcoholism, but at least it’s something!

“No you didn’t!” Trixie exclaimed, horn glowing brightly as she ripped the former baron’s letter from her cape pocket and hurled it at Luna. The alicorn princess caught it, looking it over. Trixie didn’t wait as she stomped around. “You send me here with the food being all the same thing which I know you’d hate

Doctor: (Luna) What? I love apples. I was actually having a craving for them before I got here.

and the weather spiraling out of control

Ditzy: You’re lucky Princess! That freak snow-rain-wind-thunder-lightning-ice-and-acid storm would have killed you!

and the music being handled by the most introverted pony I’ve ever seen

Doctor: (Trixie) And I couldn’t even bribe or threaten her into doing what I want!

so that I can suffer for the ice palace before I get to spend the rest of my days in this stupid town…”

Doctor: (Trixie) Well, at least until a crazy pegasus beats me to death!

“You were not banished, Trixie!” Luna shouted back as she finished reading the letter.

Ditzy: (Luna) You have just been temporarily relocated for about 20 years or so!

“Then why am I here?”

“Because you asked to be!” Luna retorted,

Doctor: And you never told her that the position couldn’t be a worthless, dead end one!

once more stomping a hoof. “Trixie, you have never held any position in the Night Court! What, did you expect to be given a position in Manehattan? Fillydelphia? Neigh Orleans? Did you expect me to shower you with land and titles?

Ditzy: (Trixie) Yes. I am your most prized student.

Ponyville is a large but comparatively quiet town, making it an excellent first appointment!”

Ditzy: If you ignore the monster attacks, alien invasions, friendship problems, and other general weirdness.

“That – ” Trixie began, then choked on her own words as enlightenment struck as hard as any lightning bolt. “That…that makes a lot of sense, actually…”

Doctor: (Trixie) Boy do I feel silly. Would you like some tea with butter and tomato juice in it?

Having gained the upper hoof, Luna pressed it as she stepped forward. “Duke Blueblood – the entire Blueblood family – are entitled, overdramatic snobs.”

Ditzy: Ha! Not true at all! Princess Blueblood is actually pretty cool!

“But…but the previous representatives…” Trixie began, turning around and rushing from the room. Luna followed, watching as Trixie ran into her office, producing letters from the other ponies who had held the title of representative in the past, pulling aside the bookcase and tearing open the safe hidden behind there to produce a dozen more.

Trixie levitated them all for Luna to see. “They’re all the same,” she said, though her eyes were wide and her voice shaky. “They’re all – ”

“Trixie, I have used Ponyville as a site for informal banishments.

Ditzy: (Luna) And it puts them in easy pranking distance.

But the difference between exile and opportunity is a thin one, and the fact that I sent them here, inside of Equestria still, was usually more than enough of a hint that they only needed to get their acts together and they could return to Canterlot!”

Doctor: (Luna) If I really wanted you gone, I would have made you my representative in Yakyakistan.

She looked over a few of the letters. “Many of these ponies were back in my good graces long before their retirements.

Doctor: (Luna) I particularly liked the gold watch and 1000 bit birthday present Springtime Rain gave me a couple hundred years ago.

I do not know why they wrote these letters. Perhaps it became a sort of hazing ritual, or sense of vindictiveness lingered – ”

“But the Duke said he wasn’t vindictive!”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Sure I found a doll of you with needles in it, but that was probably nothing.

“Yes, Trixie, and because somepony says something, they must be telling the truth,” Luna responded dryly.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Not true! Those tales of bighoof can’t be wrong!

She glared at Trixie. “So, let me see if I understand your line of reasoning. You trusted somepony whom I’m not certain you’ve ever actually met, when he told you that I exiled you here, in a letter written weeks ago. Then because you thought you were exiled, you believed it a good idea to make everypony in Ponyville hate you, and following that, make an attempt to make me angry at you?”

Doctor: (Luna) You decided that if you couldn’t be happy, no pony could.

Trixie’s mouth open and shut a few times as she tried to speak, but no intelligible sound came out.

Ditzy: She sorta sounded like a sheep.

Luna shook her head in disappointment. “You owe Ponyville an apology for what you’ve done,” 

Ditzy: (Trixie) Well, uh, they started it!

she said, trotting up to beside Trixie and using a wing to begin nudging her student towards the door to her office, and from there the door to the residency. “You owe several ponies in particular apologies. You owe me and apology. And after all that,”

Ditzy: Makeup hugs?

 she looked Trixie in the eye as she opened the door. Outside, the moon sat high in the sky – it was midnight, or close to it. “I will have to seriously consider whether, after all of this, anything I have taught you has been absorbed, and whether or not continuing your apprenticeship…”

Doctor: Well...look on the bright side. At least you didn’t abandon your studies, hid into a different dimension for a few years, came back and stole a powerful magical artifact, went insane and transformed into a demon through an overload of magical power, and tried to take over Equestria.

Luna’s voice trailed off as Trixie continued moving forward mechanically, eyes wide still. It wasn’t until she reached her home’s front gates that she realized that Luna wasn’t beside her anymore.

Doctor: Luna was easily distracted.

Doctor: (Luna) Oh look! A bunny! It’s so cute!

Blinking a few times, she turned to regard her mentor, and found Luna staring wide-eyed herself, straight ahead.

Doctor: (Luna) Is the owner of that house colorblind? That the most garish coloring I have ever seen!

Due to the alignment of Trixie’s house,

Ditzy: Chaotic Good.

it meant she was staring almost perfectly to the east, where in the far distance dawn’s first light was beginning to creep over the horizon –

Doctor: (Luna) Eh, screw winter solstice. The sun'll be rising at midnight now!

“Wait,” Trixie said, her trance-like state of despair shattered. “Wait. Princess. Why are you raising the sun?”

“I’m not,” Luna said in a quiet voice, even as the golden disc appeared fully over the horizon. It was definitely dawn – even as the moon and stars were still perched high in the sky overhead.

Doctor: Because that’s how night and day works.

The sun, in fact, was moving with speed Trixie had never seen the celestial body move at before,

Ditzy: The sun, it can really move! The sun, it’s got an attitude! It’s the fastest star alive!

charging straight towards the highest point in the sky as though it intended to shove the moon from orbit. The stars themselves were also moving in the sky, hurrying out of the way of the burning orb of fire, clearing a path in the brightening sky.

Ditzy: (Sun) Hey! I’m flying here!

Some of the stars were not fast enough, however. As the sun touched them, they would flare, suddenly – and then vanish utterly.

Ditzy: Um, what? Aren’t the stars like many light years away from the sun?

Doctor: (Sighs) Yes, the closest one is Proximane Centrotti which is 4.24 light years away.

Ditzy: But...then...what are star suppose to be in this universe if they aren’t distance lights from stars?

Doctor: (Shugs)

“Is it really a good idea to have the sun and moon in the sky at the same…” Trixie began,

Doctor: Right. That would be redonkulous!

looking back to her teacher. Her words died in her throat when she saw the expression on Luna’s face.

Ditzy: She was crying.

Doctor: (Luna) There is somepony else that can do my job! Trixie, I’m retiring! The beach here I come!

Trixie had seen Luna angry. She’d seen her sad. She’d seen her happy. She’d seen her confused, irritated, tired, excited, enraged, ecstatic, embarrassed, and a million other emotions. But she had never before seen Princess Luna look frightened – and properly speaking, she still hadn’t, because to Trixie, Princess Luna did not, right now, look frightened. Princess Luna looked terrified.

Ditzy: Horror movie rarely impressed her.

“Princess – ” Trixie began, when Luna’s eyes snapped shut and her horn glowed. Her form dissolved into blue, starry mist and shot away, towards the center of Ponyville. Eyes wide, Trixie dashed off after her.

---

Princess Luna arrived in her mist-form in the center of town as the sun was nearing the moon, which, itself, seemed to be either shrinking in the sky, or else drawing backwards, moving away from the planet it orbited and making room for the sun even as its edge appeared to touch the edge of the moon.

Doctor: That makes no sense.

Ditzy: The moon is alive? What?

Most ponies in Ponyville, or indeed Equestria, did not have experience with seeing quite as wide a range of emotions on their Princess’ face as did Trixie, but even still, none of them had ever expected to see the look of abject terror that was transfixed on Luna’s face as her mist-form rematerialized in the town center, eyes darting from pony to pony.

“Run!” Luna exclaimed in volumes she normally reserved for making public proclamations from atop Canterlot’s tallest tower. “Run, my little ponies! This sunrise is not my doing! Flee to the forests and hide!

Ditzy: (Pony) Right, smart idea! Run into the timberwolf infested forest.Great idea Princess!

Co – ”

She was interrupted by a cry of pain – her own – as the sun continued its movement, beginning to eclipse the moon. The moon itself began to blacken, as though being burned by the sun,

Doctor: If the sun was that close it would kill every...Just nevermind.

Ditzy: This is really playing physics fast and loose.

Doctor: More like forgetting they exist.

Ditzy: This whole universe is really really bizarre. I thought it was just suppose to be the normal universe….just with Princess Luna in charge. Not sure where this crazy cosmic stuff comes from.

Doctor: I think the author is being a little too creative with the setting.

Ditzy: And it just pops up with no explanation! None of this is even remotely normal!

and though the burns did not physically appear on Luna, her front hooves gave out as she howled at the fiery sensations that felt like they were spreading across her body.

Ditzy: Ouch. Talk about an easy and convenient weakness to exploit.

Doctor: Does this mean blowing up the moon would kill her?

Ditzy: This really gives Corona an unfair advantage. It isn’t like Princess Luna can do the same to the sun.

Unfortunately, this produced the exact opposite of what she wanted to happen – ponies began rushing forward to their tormented princess, looking to help her.

Screaming in frustration, Luna spread her wings wide, with enough force to shove the ponies back a good thirty feet.

Doctor: Good idea princess. Protect your subjects by seriously injuring them.

Ditzy: Feet? Don’t you mean hooves?

“No!” she exclaimed in spite of her pain. “You need to – ”

The words died on her lips as there was a hiss and a snapping sound, followed by the air around Ponyville igniting. As Luna watched in horror, a line of yellow and orange flames raced around the edge of town, becoming a wall of fire fifty feet high.

All: Hooves.

Several terrified pegasi tried to fly over the flames, but they would flare up as they drew near, forcing the pegasi back.

Ditzy: Now there is no way to escape! Well, unless you fly straight up in middle of course.

The only sound that could be heard above the cackling of the flames – which, at least, did not seem to be burning the buildings of Ponyville – was the screams of terror, fright, and confusion.

Ditzy: And some roast marshmallows and making s'mores!

At length, the moon was completely eclipsed by the sun, which flared brightly once – then a second time, even brighter – then a third time, so bright as to turn everypony’s field of vision white, even Luna’s.

Ditzy: Because alicorns have low light sensitivity?

Doctor: This fic sure likes to give them random powers.

Then, silence – a terrible silence, obviously magically created since everypony was still trying to scream in terror. They only stopped when the futility became obvious, and their vision began to return.

Doctor: Except Pinkie who continued running back and forth screaming.

“My little ponies,” a voice broke through the silence, as the sound of wings beating steadily in long, slow sweeps permeated the air. “My precious subjects. Rejoice.”

Ditzy: We are finally finally getting to the main plot of the story!

Everypony, Luna included, looked up at the unnatural midday sky, and saw her: A large, white alicorn, taller than even Princess Luna even without her horn, with majestic, swan-like wings beating steadily to perfectly control her descent to the world below, though features beyond that were difficult to make out as she glowed almost as bright as the unnatural sun. At length, she settled down on the cobblestone plaza that surrounded the town hall. Only then, as though touching the earth somehow lessened her,

Ditzy: Ah ha! An easy weakness to exploit!

Doctor: This is going to be easier than I thought.

did the glow that permeated her fade, and the ponies could see her in detail – her mane and tail made from animate flames, her cutie mark of a golden, full sun, her regal, subdued smile – and her eyes, completely white, lacking iris, pupil, or anything else that would mar to their appearance.

Ditzy: She’s blind? Huh, that’s a new one!

“Rejoice,” the alicorn repeated, a broad grin on her face. “Your true queen hath returned.”

Ditzy: (Corona) Andth speakingth inth oldth Equestrainth.  

Luna forced herself to her hooves, ignoring the pain she felt all across her body, a pain that was lessening, at least, as her moon continued to withdraw from Equestrian orbit.

Doctor: Opps.

Ditzy: Bye!

She was breathing in great gasps, and realized she was trembling in fear. She stopped only with a supreme exertion of effort, and only for the benefit of her ponies.

Ditzy: Otherwise she would running for the hills!

Doctor: The princess was determined to look as cool as possible in front of her subjects.

The white alicorn’s smile warmed slightly as she regarded Luna.

Ditzy: (Corona) Sister! Endless hugs are in order. I have missed thee!

“Ah…” she said, taking a few steps forward. “Sister. Thou hast grown since last I set eyes upon thee.”

Doctor: (Corona) It seems like yesterday thou were just a filly in diapers. (Sniffs) Thee hast grown much.

Luna could utter only a single word in response.

Ditzy: (Luna) Poopy.

“Corona.”

Ditzy: Finally! You’re late!

Doctor: (Corona) Sorry, I desired a hayburger before I did anything.

“That’s what you subject them too?” Diamond Tiara exclaim. “I didn’t know you had it in you.” Diamond Tiara sounded proud.

        Dinky beamed. “That isn’t even the worst I made them read!”

“I would love to see that!” Diamond Tiara smirked. “Next time you should make read something really horrible!”

Dinky thought for a moment and nodded. “And I have one already in mind.”

The two fillies giggled evilly at each other. Silver Spoon just rolled her eyes. “So why does it have to be terrible exactly?” She asked. “Why can’t they read something good?”

“It has to bad, because they think I’m the bad guy.” Dinky explained.

Silver Spoon raised an eyebrow. “And why is that?”

Now Dinky rolled her eyes. “Silver, good guys don’t lock ponies up for no apparent reason or force them to read fanfiction. I need to be the bad guy so they think I’m just another one of my dad’s foes. It’s the perfect cover!”

“I guess that makes sense.” Silver Spoon replied, but didn’t seem to really understand it.

“Wait, isn’t Heart and Hooves day coming up next week?” Diamond Tiara suddenly blurted out.

Dinky nodded. “That’s part of the reason I brought you here.” She became sheepish. “I need your help.”

Diamond Tiara thought for a moment. “Count me in!” She put a hoof over Dinky. “With our help, your parents will head over heels in love in no time!”

Silver Spoon nodded. “Alright what’s like the plan?”

“Leave it to me!” Diamond Tiara boasted. “I already have some ideas.”

The stars themselves were also moving in the sky, hurrying out of the way of the burning orb of fire, clearing a path in the brightening sky. Some of the stars were not fast enough, however. As the sun touched them, they would flare, suddenly – and then vanish utterly.

Next Chapter: Episode 23 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 9 Estimated time remaining: 7 Hours, 15 Minutes