Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 5 - Part 2

Season 2 finale…epic beyond words. I don’t think I needed to tell you all that, but it had to be said.

Doctor: Season 2 of what?

Ditzy: (Shrugs)

Also, The Avengers comes out this week! Boo-yah!

Doctor: (Raises eyebrow) Boo-yah?

Ditzy: He should be that excited, that’s a great movie!

Disclaimer: If I owned it, ‘Love is in Bloom’ and ‘B.B.B.F.F.’ would never have been born, so it’s a good thing I don’t.

Ditzy: But that the was the best dance party I have ever been too!

Doctor: What would Shire Folk know?

Awesome I may be in the eyes of some, but I’m definitely not that awesome.

Ditzy: (Shire Folk) I don’t care if people like it. My show, my rules!

       Twilight raised a hoof and knocked on the front door of a house in one of Canterlot’s lesser districts, although that was a relative term.

Doctor: They only had ruby studded swimming pools.

In the Royal City, even if your family wasn’t from upstanding nobility with great lineage, very few families had homes of the humbler sort that even the wealthy in Ponyville enjoyed.

Ditzy: So Trixie will really stand out in that cardboard house of hers.

She could hear Riku shuffling around behind her, and Twilight felt a bit anxious herself. She hadn’t seen her parents Twilight Velvet and Cobalt Bracer in three months.

Ditzy: I thought Twilight’s Father’s name was Night Light?

Doctor: Maybe they split up in this universe?

Twilight always tried to visit whenever she had to go to Canterlot, but circumstances sometimes kept her from fulfilling that wish.

Doctor: For some reason it kept getting invaded by one thing or another.

       Now she wasn’t sure if this would be the last time she’d ever see them.

Ditzy: (Twilight) I just know I am going to die all alone on another world.

       “Let’s hurry and get inside,” Riku muttered from behind her, “all these other ponies are starting to freak me out.”

Doctor: (Riku) Everyone is ...smiling...and waving at me. How can you live like this!? All this cheer is ruining my brooding and coolness!

       Twilight couldn’t entirely say that she disagreed. While she supposed she could understand what Riku was going through, a little, she had certainly felt uncomfortable with all of the looks she and Riku had been receiving as they walked down the street together.

Doctor: For some reason, Riku insisted on walking like a biped.

Rarity had certainly been right and Twilight had the sense not to try and deny it: Riku was a gorgeous stallion;

Ditzy: And he had a great flank!

fit and strong, a shining silver mane and lustrous turquoise coat underneath bright aquamarine eyes. It was no wonder that several young mares had shot her jealous looks

Ditzy: And quite a few stallions as well.

and whispered dark words under their breaths when they’d incorrectly judged her to have snagged a fine catch.

Ditzy: Twilight soon found herself getting death threats in the mail, and one was from Celestia….

       She almost facehoofed. Dating? Her? Not for a while yet, that was for sure.

Doctor: Twilight thought 30 seemed like an appropriate age to start dating...after years of careful research of course.

Her studies and her friends had to come first, and she knew that she didn’t have room in her schedule for a coltfriend to be pencilled in.

Doctor: And she considered them a too unpredictable factor to properly fit it.

       The door opened and revealed a female unicorn at the door. Her coat was white and her mane purple and cream, three lilac stars were her cutie mark. Cyan eyes glittered excitedly as she saw who was at the door, and the unicorn mare hugged the slightly smaller mare. “Oh Sparkle, it’s wonderful to see you.”

Doctor: (Raises eyebrow) That is Velvet’s nickname for her daughter?

       “Great to see you too, Mom,” Twilight Sparkle replied. They stepped back from each other and Twilight Velvet glanced at Riku for a second before returning her gaze to her daughter.

Ditzy: (Twilight Velvet) Twilight got her first coltfriend! I will get some champagne to celebrate!

       “Well, why don’t you and your friend here come in? Your brother’s here too, so we’ll have the whole family here.”

       Twilight felt her eyes widen at the news. “Shining Armor’s here?” A pleasant feeling of surprise filled her and she entered the house.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) You’re brother is here? That’s super duper awesome!

Doctor: (Twilight) Waa!!!! Pinkie?!

Twilight Velvet stepped back a couple of paces and Riku followed her in.

       “Twilie!”

Doctor: Riku went into fits of laughter over that nickname.

       Twilight gasped at the sound of her brother’s voice and smiled. On the second floor landing she could see her older brother starting to come down towards her. Behind him was their father Cobalt Bracer, a cobalt blue unicorn with a navy mane and golden eyes. On his flank was a golden crescent moon and star. Shining Armor, though, was as white as his mother,

Doctor: No, Velvet isn’t nearly as white as her son.

with a mane mainly of the blue of his father’s with an electric blue highlight, and eyes just like his mother’s. His cutie mark was of a magenta star like Twilight’s, except overtop a blue shield. Three cyan stars were plastered above the shield.

Doctor: He also dwarfed Riku in size and muscle.

       “I’m so glad to see you, Twilight,” Shining Armor. “It’s great that you could make it, especially considering what’s been going on recently. Aren’t you excited?”

       Twilight looked at her brother in confusion. “Excited for what?”

       Now Shining Armor cocked his head in bewilderment. “Didn’t you get my letter?”

Doctor: (Shining) I must have forgot the postage again.

       “I did,” she answered, “but I never got to read it. My friend Rainbow Dash kept interrupting me and things kinda spiralled out of hoof after that.”

Doctor: (Twilight) The things I did to survive that living Tartarus...

Her mother, father, and brother all laughed. “What is it?”

“Oh Twilight, I’m so proud of you,” Shining Armor said, coming up and patting his sister on the head. “You said, ‘my friend’.” Twilight blushed a little and bowed her head. She was conscious that Riku was still behind them and paying attention to every word.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Ixnay on the friendsay.

       “Shining Armor…”

Doctor: (Shining) I know! We should show some baby pictures to your new friend here!

       “What do you mean by that?” Riku asked, stepping forward slightly. Shining Armor laughed.

Doctor: (Shining) My little sis is what you would call a mega nerd.

Ditzy: (Twilight) This is coming from the pony that goes to a weekly LARP group.

       “Not only is my little sister here a smarty-pants egghead apprenticed to Princess Celestia, but before she went to Ponyville she never had any friends besides me,” he told Riku.

Doctor: (Spike) Hey!

 “And now she’s got a whole bunch of friends from what we hear; and a secret coltfriend by the looks of it.”

Ditzy: (Velvet) So when’s the wedding?

       Twilight was sure her face had gone as pink as Pinkie’s mane at the implication. It was bad enough that her brother was embarrassing her by telling Riku that she’d never had friends before, but to imply that she was dating him? When she’d only just met him this morning and he wasn’t even a pony for pony’s sake!? Ponies on the street she could handle even if it was a little embarrassing, but her own family too?

Ditzy: Ouch.

Doctor: Siblings… I know the feeling.

Ditzy: You have siblings?!

       Before she could even answer to contradict him, Riku laughed. “Unfortunately for your imagination, no. Twilight Sparkle and I just met today. While she is important to me and my friends, she’s not my girl—marefriend and I’m not looking for one.”

Ditzy: (Shining) There’s no need to be so bashful. I think you are a fine stallion for my baby sister!

Doctor: (Riku) No really. We aren’t dating!

Ditzy: (Shining)(Laughing) Of course you’re not. There is no need to be so bashful!

Doctor: (Riku) Really! We’re not!

       “Dang,” Shining Armor replied. “And here I was, hoping that she’d have a date for my wedding.”

       Twilight felt something in her snap. “Wait, what? What wedding!?”

Ditzy: (Twilight) And are you implying I can’t get a coltfriend?! I could get a hundred of them if I wanted to. I just choose not to.

       Cobalt Bracer smiled, humoured, at his second and youngest child. “Your brother’s getting married, Sparkle, didn’t you know?”

       “NO!” she retorted. “And when did you decide this?”

Doctor: (Twilight) Since when are you allowed to make your own decisions and deviate from the  schedule  I made for you!

       “Just two days ago,” her brother answered. “I wanted to let you all know as soon as possible. That’s what was in the letter I sent to you, Twilight. Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and I are getting married.”

Ditzy: Wait, why didn’t Shining send her one in real life? She only learned about the wedding a few days before it started!

Doctor: Didn’t you lose a few letters that one time we fought that Krynoid in the Whitetail Woods?

Ditzy: O-only two or three, there’s no way! Obviously Shining Armor forgot!

       Twilight smiled. “Well then, I suppose congratulations are in order, except for one teensy-weensy thing.”

       “And what’s that?” Twilight Velvet asked of her daughter.

Doctor: (Twilight) What pony said Shining could get married without my permission!

       “Who the hay is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza!? Why haven’t I heard of her before?” Twilight only felt her ire grow when her family started to laugh, and it increased exponentially when Riku chuckled slightly behind her. The jerk.

Ditzy: Suddenly I don’t feel bad about all the jabs we made at him.

Doctor: What a great guy.

He had to be even more in the dark than she was and yet he found this whole thing funny?

Doctor: (Riku) Hey! I was a just laughing because I thought it was polite. Really!

       “You should know her better than almost any of us, Sparkle,” Cobalt Bracer told her. “She was your foalsitter after all.”

Ditzy: (Cobalt) You know, the ladybug shaking flank thing you used to do all the time.

       Shock coursed into Twilight and she stuttered over her next few words. “M—my foalsitter? N—no, Cadance was my foalsitter, not this Mi Amore Cadenz—”

       Cadenza, Cadance… Cadance, Cadenza…

       Shining Armor smiled when he saw the huge grin erupt onto his sister’s face. “I think it clicked.”

Doctor: A light bulb appeared over Twilight’s head, and Pinkie was the one holding it.

       “You’re marrying Cadance!” she exclaimed, “as in, Cadance, the best foalsitter in the history of foalsitters?”

Doctor: (Twilight) According to my extensive research, she beats the number two contender,  Lovely Kiss, by 8.39145 percent!

       “You tell us dear,” Twilight Velvet said, “she was your foalsitter after all.”

       Twilight couldn’t help but burst as the memories of her fillyhood foalsitter rushed back.

Doctor: (Twilight) She let me go to the library whenever I wanted! Whenever I was up late studying, she always gave me an extra 15 minutes to finish up what I was reading! She always brought blank note cards so we could do flash cards! That was one of my favorite games growing up.

Ditzy: (Riku) ...You are an uber dork.

“Oh my gosh! Woo-hoo! You’re marrying Cadance! You’re marrying Cadance! You’re marrying Cadance!”

Ditzy: (Twilight) Yes! We were right about your 98.7 percent compatibility! Now all we need is that crystal palace Cadence always wanted.

       “Alright, alright, settle down Twilie,” Shining Armor said in what Twilight assumed to be an attempt to get her to stop bouncing up and down in a circle around him. “I don’t think you’ve introduced us to your not-coltfriend here.” Being reminded of Riku’s presence in her family’s home sobered her up quickly.

Doctor: Riku, better than a cold shower.

       “Right,” she said, coming down from the cloud she’d briefly visited with her brother’s news. “Everypony, this is Riku. Riku, this is my mom, Twilight Velvet, my dad, Cobalt Bracer, and my brother, Shining Armor.”

All: Hi Riku.

       Riku nodded to each in turn, and Cobalt Bracer took a step forward. “So, why don’t you tell us how you know our little Sparkle here?”

       Riku smiled. “You really want to know?”

Ditzy: (Riku) I don’t think you could stomach it.

Doctor: No, I don’t think they could. It would be about 30 paragraphs long.

       “Of course,” Twilight Velvet answered.

Doctor: (Velvet) Oh course we want to know how Twilight met her new coldfriend.

Ditzy: (Riku) I said. We. Are. Not...

Doctor: (Velvet)(Laughing) Always so serious. I was just joking.

       “Yeah, we won’t judge you here,” Shining Armor added.

Ditzy: (Shining) Behind your back though...anything is game.

       Twilight laughed nervously and went to stand next to Riku. She leaned up to whisper into his ear. “Maybe that’s not such a good idea. My brother’s a Captain of the Royal Guard.”

Doctor: (Raises an eyebrow) You don’t have to tell them the whole truth.

Ditzy: Oh course he will. It’s Shire Folk’s style.

       “Even more reason,” Riku whispered back. “I first saw her when I woke up behind bars in the castle dungeon this morning,” he answered pleasantly. “Princess Celestia thought that we were connected to the…Shadows that had been appearing, and she was right.”

Doctor: (Riku) We have been terrorizing other worlds with them for years!

       Twilight glanced between her family members anxiously. Her mother and father looked at each other in shock,

Doctor: (Cobalt) I have no daughter!

Ditzy: (Velvet)(Crying) Where did we go wrong!?

but Shining Armor was suddenly glaring at Riku, a glare that was being met with a confident smirk.

Doctor: Which faltered when Shining Armor threw him out a window.

Her brother’s horn began glowing with magenta light and his voice was even as he said, “Twilight, get behind me, now.”

Ditzy: Ok, I wanted some action, but this is just contrived.

Doctor: I think Riku is in a big surprise. Twilight Velvet could take him single hooved.

       Twilight threw her hooves out in front of her as she stood on her hind legs. “No! Wait! You’ve got it wrong, brother! Riku’s one of the good guys!”

Doctor: (Twilight) Even if he is a complete idiot at explaining himself.

Ditzy: Yeah… I don’t get that. Why did he make himself look like a bad guy?

She dropped back down and pointed at Riku’s flank.

Ditzy: Riku blushed in embarrassment.

Doctor: (Colbolt) Has anypony ever told you that you have a great flank? You and I should do something later.

Ditzy: (Riku) ...I’m getting out of here right now.

“See his cutie mark? That’s a Keyblade. It’s a weapon he and his friends carry that can defeat the Heartless,

Doctor: Though technically, any weapon can defeat the Heartless.

and apparently I’m supposed to be one of these mystical wielders too and a pony who somehow keeps all of the magic in existence flowing and balanced.”

Doctor: Out of context, that makes absolutely no sense.

Ditzy: Maybe for once, Shire Folk will explain something off screen!

       Shining Armor relented and his horn ceased glowing, but his glare at the younger stallion stayed. “Start explaining.”

All: Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!

       “Your sister is a Guardian of Magic,” Riku answered plainly, “technically known as a Keeper of the Art. She’s one of six beings that uphold the flow of all magic in existence through their own existence. When together with the other five, they can find and potentially summon any magical item existing and can perform feats of magic few could even dream of.”

Doctor: You certainly are open about sensitive, world destroying information.

Ditzy: Come on Doctor. Like it could ever fall into the wrong hooves or anything.

Doctor: Never.

He looked at Twilight now, and she shied away slightly at his gaze. She could feel everypony’s eyes on her, and it was making her feel like she’d been asked a question she didn’t have the answer to back in Magic Kindergarten. “Also, Twilight, don’t call it a cutie mark. It makes me feel emasculated.”

Doctor: Funny. I never feel that way.

       She chuckled dryly, trying to find humor in what he said despite the unwanted attention she was getting. Special was one thing, but this was a bit too special. “What are you talking about, Riku? That’s what it is. No sense calling it something that it’s not.”

Ditzy: It would be like calling a muffin a cupcake.

       “You could at least drop the ‘cutie’ part from it and just say ‘marking’ or ‘crest’ or ‘sigil’ or even just call it a ‘tattoo’. Just thinking ‘cutie mark’ and me in the same sentence makes me want to hurl.”

Doctor: Well, too bad you big baby.

Ditzy: I really don’t understand his problem.

       “Why’s that?” Twilight Velvet asked.

       “Let’s just say that I come from a place where my societal gender stereotype brainwashing tells me that the phrase ‘cutie mark’ belongs solely to little six year old fillies, not grown stallions,”

Ditzy: What a strange place.

Doctor: Come to think of it...it is.

he answered. Twilight saw him smirk again at her older brother. “Shining Armor, I’m not lying. If I really were allied with the Heartless, I wouldn’t have come with Twilight to help her explain to you all that she’s going to have to leave Equestria with my friends and me.”

Ditzy: Unless it’s really a ploy to lure them into a fall sense of security!

       Twilight felt her heart wrench at the looks on her family’s faces. “But Riku,” her mother asked, “why? Sparkle, what is he saying?” Riku only looked at Twilight Sparkle. Feeling the pit in her stomach deepen, the lavender unicorn opened her mouth to speak. She could feel the beginnings of tears in her eyes. Her brother was going to get married, and she was probably going to miss the most important day of his life because some villain was hunting her due to a power she’d never even known existed.

Doctor: Do you really have to go right away? It isn’t like this Horned King guy knows where you are right now.

       “I—”

       A scream from outside cut her off before she could even start.

Doctor: Stampeding rabbits were threatening Canterlot.

Riku’s ears perked up beside her, and he quickly spun around. Through the window Twilight was able to see a grey earth pony run by, screaming. A second later Heartless that appeared to be more of the Shadows that had been attacking Trixie; along with some others that looked like them, only in helmets, boots, and blue bodysuits with a strange heart-shaped emblem on the front, ran past in pursuit.

Doctor: (Heartless) He stole my purse!

       “That’s my cue,” Riku growled.

Ditzy: (Riku) To kick bubblegum and chew butt! Wait….

       Rainbow Dash felt her jaw drop in what she knew to be a bit of fear when one of the Draco Ursas roared loudly into Sora’s face.

Ditzy: (Sora) How can something made of shadows have such bad breath?

Spike, Pinkie, and Peewee all fled from where the Heartless were gathering in the centre of the room and quickly joined the others near her and Coltinster. “What are those things?” Rainbow Dash asked, pointing a hoof between the smaller Heartless and the massive bear-dragon ones.

       “Meet the Heartless,” Sora replied, the chocolate-maned pegasus crouching lower and snorting at the throng that had appeared in the room with them.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Oh hi! Welcome to the party! Want to play pin the tail on the pony?

Doctor: (Heartless) We would love to!

Ditzy: (Sora) What.

       “And they don’t seem too happy to see us,” Kairi added, and Rainbow Dash was sure that she almost sounded eager about it despite the panic she’d displayed earlier.

Doctor: The smile on her face really creeped Rainbow Dash out. It was devoid of any happiness or warmth.

Ditzy: (Kairi) Heerreeessss Kairi!

Flashes of light came from the mouths of both pegasi, revealing their Keyblades within. Rainbow could only watch as the pair charged towards the Soldiers and two Draco Ursas, and suddenly they were upon them.

Ditzy: With a big group hug. Awwwww.

With a fast jerk of his neck to the right, Sora sent the Oblivion flying out of his mouth, the onyx Keyblade spinning like a circular saw as it cut through the air to chop right through a Soldier Heartless’ helmeted head.

Doctor: (Heartless) Larry no! You monster!

Kairi attacked from Sora’s left, her angelic white Keyblade transferring into her scarlet tail from her mouth in another flash of light before she spun around on her hooves so her back was turned to the Soldier she’d charged. The Oathkeeper rose and descended in her tail’s grasp, slicing through the Heartless’ front in one swipe.

Doctor: … I don’t think I am going to ask how that’s even possible.

Both Soldiers burst apart into clouds of darkness, and pink crystal hearts rose up into the sky from out of their bodies.

       “Ooh,” Pinkie Pie said, looking at the rising hearts.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) This gives me a great party idea!

       “Well?” a voice snapped from the side, and Rainbow turned her head to see the bearded old unicorn Coltinster staring at her and her friends. “Aren’t ye going to do anything, or are the Elements of Harmony going to let two ponies they hardly know defend Equestria without the help of those who were born and bred here?”

Doctor: Yeah. Why is she just standing around?

       “But we don’t have the Elements here with us,” Rarity said. “Princess Celestia said that arming ourselves with the Elements could wait until after we’d questioned Riku and them.”

Ditzy: (Rarity) And think how dirty I would get if I fought these ruffians.

       “And besides, they won’t work if we’re not all here,” Applejack added.

Doctor: Seems a bit overkill for a few enemies.

She glanced around quickly, and Rainbow Dash watched Sora make short work of another two Soldiers with a single slash, the brown pegasus leaping through the air with his Keyblade clutched tightly in his mouth.

Doctor: (Sora)(Muffled) Boova, onathar hartvess bivtes va dast.

“Ah don’t see Twilight anywhere. Did anypony see where she went?”

       “Oh, I saw her!” Pinkie announced. “She left with Riku a while ago, but I’m not sure what about.”

Doctor: (Applejack) Wonderful. What a time to go kissy face on the new feller’.

       “Then, what are we going to do?” Spike asked.

Fluttershy shook her head. “I don’t know. Without the Elements, how can we—?”

Doctor: (Sora) Ack!

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) Sora! Prepare to meet your maker Heartless! I’m going to make you wish you were never born!

       The unicorn’s reprimand had lit a fire in Rainbow Dash’s belly, a fire that the fearful presence of the two Heartless that were each twice her size couldn’t smother.

Doctor: THAT was keeping her from acting?

Ditzy: From what I heard, she fought about 100 changeling at once.

Doctor: Are Heartless really that scary? They look rather cute to me.

Sora and Kairi were fighting so well, so strongly,

Ditzy: The fight will be over before Dash is about to do anything.

even if their movements were somewhat awkward from never having fought as ponies before. Rainbow spoke before Spike could finish his sentence. “Easy,” she answered loudly, flapping her wings to take her into the air and clapping her forehooves together, “we do this the hard way. I don’t know everything about this Keybladey stuff, but I am not going to let myself get shown up! Are you guys with me?”

All: YEAH!

       “Let’s do it!” Applejack crowed. “Come on y’all, and let’s show these two how ponies wrassle.”

Doctor: Applejack delivers a diving elbow drop from turnbuckle!

       Rainbow Dash needed no further encouragement. So long as Applejack was game, she was sure they had this in the bag. Bolting forward, Rainbow Dash tackled one of the Soldiers that had been about to swipe at Kairi’s chest, the pink pegasus having turned her head to watch where her tail-grasped Keyblade was swinging.

Doctor: So much for her being this super talented swordsman.

She snorted right in the Soldier’s face as she pinned it to the ground, its golden eyes watching her unblinkingly.

Ditzy: (Heartless) Ugh. Do you eat nothing but garlic?!

Rainbow smashed her hooves down, and suddenly the weight beneath her vanished as the Soldier became nothing more than a dark cloud. A shudder went through her unbidden at the cold feeling of the dark wisps that made up the Heartless against her skin and coat, but it quickly passed.

       “Thanks Rainbow Dash,” Kairi said, “that was pretty good.”

Doctor: (Kairi) Don’t get cocky!

       Rainbow Dash perked up a little and rubbed a hoof against the back of her head. “Well, uh, you’re welcome.”

Ditzy: Rainbow is always embarrassed and humble when complimented.

She ducked her head as fire suddenly lanced out from the mouth of one of the Draco Ursas. The smell of burnt hair filled her nostrils and Rainbow Dash gulped as she stared into the leering yellow eyes of the large Heartless. Suddenly her view was blocked as Sora stood in front of her; out of the corner of her eye she could see Applejack striking down a Soldier with a well-placed buck from her two back hooves.

       “You deal with the little ones,” Sora told her firmly, “Kairi and I will handle the ugly ones.”

Doctor: (Heartless) Why are you so mean!?  (Cries) Even if we are enemies, you don’t need to talk about me that way!

       “Ye seem to be doing a poor job of it,” Coltinster commented dryly from behind.

Ditzy: (Coltinster) Right now you are ranking a ‘D’.

“For Keyblade Wielders, your skills are far behind those I’ve met many years ago.”

Doctor: (Sora) BITE ME!

       “Forgive us,” Kairi snapped, jumping away from a massive claw that one of the two Draco Ursas was swiping at her, “but we haven’t gotten the whole, fighting as ponies with swords thing down yet!”

Doctor: Yet you are able to use your tail quite effectively as a way to wield your keyblade?

Rainbow Dash heard the old pony grumble something about excuses and the young,

Doctor: (Coltinster) You foals and your loud music and hula hoops!

but concentrated instead on the Soldier clacking about in front of her. Its red-coloured claw darted towards her snout. Rainbow ascended on her strong wings, dodging the swipe, and kicked the earthbound Heartless on the head. It staggered backwards, shaking its head while appearing to be in a daze, and was then blasted halfway across the room to smash into a pillar, a trail of confetti and streamers behind it. Pinkie Pie stood just shy of where it had been, her party cannon held in front of her.

       “I guess these Heartless just don’t know how to party,” she told Rainbow Dash with a warm smile. Her face contorted in pain and Pinkie jumped up, yelping, “OW!” after a Soldier’s iron-shod foot connected with her flank.

Doctor: (Pinkie) Now you’re asking for it! Time for the Party Rocket Launcher!

       The Heartless barely had time to regret it. As it turned around it met the violent cyan eyes of a usually soft-spoken yellow pegasus. “I don’t care who or what you are, mister,” Fluttershy told it. “So what if you and everything like you are made up of scary darkness, you do not, you do not, hurt my friends!”

       Rainbow Dash smiled as the Soldier went completely slack, absently gazing at Fluttershy as the Stare Master paralyzed it in fear of her stare.

Doctor: Er..what?

Ditzy: That’s Fluttershy’s trademark Stare. It paralyzes anything in fear!

Doctor: But...she’s just staring at it!

Ditzy: I think you need to see it in real life to understand it.

She was right about to dive down and smash the creature’s head into the dust when a crackling bolt of lightning suddenly jolted into the Heartless’ stomach. The Soldier flew only a couple hooves before bursting apart in a dark cloud. Rainbow shook her head in surprise and saw Coltinster’s horn sparking with lightning.

Ditzy: (Heartless) My...only regret is not proposing to Suzy...

       A yelp of surprise and pain touched Rainbow’s ears and she saw Sora tumbling across the marble floor of the ballroom, his coat singing from where a red bolt had exited one Draco Ursa’s horn and struck him on the flank. Kairi’s shout of his name overpowered several others’ but hers quickly turned into one of momentary pain as a claw from the second one swatted her twelve hooves back. The pink pegasus crashed into Rarity, and the two ponies slid until they were only a short distance away from another pillar. Both Draco Ursas were the only Heartless left in the room; one was sporting a shallow wound near the shoulder that was oozing black wisps, and neither of them looked too happy at the moment.

Doctor: Our Keyblade wielders aren’t doing so hot.

Ditzy: After the Pride Lands, I didn’t think being a pony would be much of an issue.

       Rainbow Dash gulped as both of them roared loud enough that she was sure Ponyville could hear them, and muttered, “This isn’t going to be good.”

Ditzy: I guess this world is too high level for Sora and Co.

Doctor: (Sora) Combat level 35? What?

       “I think this farce has gone on long enough,” a disgruntled voice said behind her.

Doctor: (Voice) Smile, you're on Candid Camera!

Coltinster’s horn sparked again and another bolt of lightning, this one as thick as one of Applejack’s legs, zapped out of his horn and struck the closest Draco Ursa. The beast roared in pain, and the lightning arced off of its body and struck the second one too, only the bolt wasn’t quite so thick as it had been. The first Draco Ursa burst apart in a large cloud of black smoke that slowly dissipated, while the second one now had a smoking hole in its cheek leaking darkness to go with the cut on its shoulder. It emitted a low yowl.

Ditzy: (Coltinster) Level 40 suckers!

       “It’s hurt bad,” Fluttershy said shakily.

All: Medic!

Ditzy: Get a Medi Gun!

       Rainbow Dash smirked and yelled, flying towards the Draco Ursa with one hoof extended. She kicked the beast hard on its wounded cheek, and then spun around and delivered a second hit with her right forehoof chopping across. The Heartless staggered from the blows, and sharply turned its head towards her, displaying rows of glistening, sharp teeth and a forked tongue. Rainbow could see fire welling up within its mouth, and she gulped. This won’t end well.

Ditzy: Darn it Rainbow. This is no time to freeze up.

       The fire never spewed out. She only heard a muffled, “Urf,” and the Heartless sagged for a moment before breaking apart with a pink crystalline heart rising up into the air. Sora was panting beneath Rainbow Dash, the Oblivion digging back into his mouth after he’d stabbed his foe with the weapon.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Hey, you didn’t need to help. I totally had that one. I was luring it into a false sense of security!

His eyes were beyond wide and he started to heave, the pony’s weapon lodged behind his back teeth and rubbing against his throat.

Doctor: At least he didn’t smash his jaw while holding it.

       “Oh gods, Sora!” Kairi gasped, getting back onto her hooves and galloping to her coltfriend. The Oblivion vanished from his mouth and Sora began hacking loudly and painfully. “Are you okay?”

Ditzy: (Sora) Nothing a quick Curega spell won’t fix….wait...

       He winced slightly, but responded, “Yeah, I’m okay Kairi.”

     “That was pitiful.”

All: (Singing)  You're pitiful. You're pitiful, it's true.

       All heads turned towards Coltinster, the old unicorn giving the two Keyblade-Wielding ponies looks of disapproval.

Ditzy: (Coltinster) In my day, I could take 40 Draco Ursas blindfolded.

       “Hey!” Rainbow Dash started, “Who the hay do you think you are to—”

       “No, Rainbow Dash,” Sora said quietly, “he’s right.”

Doctor: (Sora) This fight has brought great shame on my family.

       “Ye wouldn’t last four seconds against any of the fourteen of your predecessors I have known in my lifetime,” Coltinster continued.

Ditzy: (Coltinster) Even Quick Sheet from accounting could beat you.

“I have known all to be beyond exceptional fighters, and none of them would have displayed the sloppy work that you two did just now.”

       “We would if we were human,” Kairi muttered under her breath.

Doctor: Excuses excuses.

       Coltinster stamped a hoof down hard. “No excuses! Human or not, ye Wielders are the front line guardians of balance in the Realm of Light. While fighting with the Keyblade in different animal forms may not be instinctual, ye are always given a way to do so. Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, what did ye notice about how they fought?”

Doctor: Hmm...Well they didn’t have a very good awareness of their surroundings.

Ditzy: They were very bad at dodging attacks.

Doctor: They didn’t use their surroundings to their advantage.

Ditzy: They didn’t look for weak spots or work together.

       “Are yah sure this is really the best time to be doin’ this?” Applejack asked.

Ditzy: (Kairi) I think Sora has internal bleeding.

       “I agree with Applejack,” Rarity concurred, fixing her rumpled mane with her nose. “They should both get looked at after the—” She stopped as Coltinster fixed her with a stare equal to Fluttershy’s. He glanced up at Rainbow Dash as she hovered over them all.

Doctor: Or maybe we could talk about how Sora and Kairi are complete failures as Keyblade wielders.

       A jolt of fear touched the proud pegasus’ heart and she instantly began answering. Forget the Heartless or dragons, this pony was downright the scariest thing she’d ever met.

Ditzy: And she met Pogo the Clown once.

All: (Shutters)

“Well, if I had to say anything, it was that they weren’t using their wings to fly around, or holding their swords in their hooves.”

Ditzy: They were better off on the ground. Fighting while flying is a very difficult skill.

Doctor: I imagine it is. It would take a long time to develop good instincts and reflexes.

       “We can do that?” Kairi asked, glancing at Sora in confusion before looking at her hoof.

Doctor: It is harder than it looks to pick up that particular skill.

“Well, sure,” Applejack answered. “My sister Apple Bloom was able to hold a foil in her hoof with no problem when she had Cutie Pox that one time.”

Doctor: Don’t have Applejack demonstrate it, clumsily explain it instead!

Ditzy: Why that example?

       “And Mulia Mild had a good couple of hooves on that ninjat ō when she sliced up the MMM,” Pinkie added.

       “You remember that that was me, Fluttershy, and Rarity, not Mulia, right?” Rainbow reminded Pinkie.

Doctor: What are they talking about?

Ditzy: (Shrugs)

       “Oh, right, silly me.”

       Sora looked sceptical,

Ditzy: Rarity and Fluttershy didn’t seem like the type to have ninja skills.

and glanced at his right forehoof. The Oblivion appeared there in a flash of light, and Sora looked surprised when he was able to hold it firmly in his hoof instead of it falling off.

Doctor: Only to fall to ground a second later. Sora tried grabbing it off the ground, but it only fell again.

Ditzy: (Sora) Gah! How do you do this!?

“You know, logically biology should tell me that this is impossible,

Doctor: I think you mean physically possible. Biology has nothing to do with it.

but I’m willing to overlook it if it means I can fight.”

Ditzy: It’s magic silly. Something you use all the time.

His Keyblade vanished, and he looked at Applejack. “What were these things we’ve heard mentioned a few times? The Elements of Harmony?”

Doctor: (Kairi) Since we can’t win fights...we are going to cheat!

       “Oh, they’re these necklaces and a crown thingy that Twilight’s got that represent friendship,” the cowpony replied. “Fer instance, I represent the Element of Honesty.”

All: You lie!

       “Laughter!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, giggling immediately afterwards.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Oooo. We should throw a Victory Over The Mean Old Heartless Party!

Doctor: (Sora) Um, didn’t we just have a party.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Silly, you can’t have enough parties!

       “Generosity,” said Rarity.

Ditzy: Still unsure about that one myself.

       “Kindness,” Fluttershy added.

Doctor: And what a dear she is.

       “Loyalty,” Rainbow Dash said proudly, dropping onto the floor next to Sora. “I’d never leave my friends hanging.”

Ditzy: To her job however...

       “And Twilight’s the Element of Magic,” Spike concluded.

Ditzy: I just realized just how incredibly OP Twilight is going to be with having a Keyblade too. I bet right now she could give Sora and Riku a hard fight with just her magic alone!

“They’ve used the Elements of Harmony to save all of Equestria a couple times.”

Doctor: (Spike) In fact, I don’t think we even need you.

 Rainbow Dash saw Sora and Kairi looking at her and her friends with mild annoyance.

Doctor: (Sora) We are the heroes here!

Ditzy: (Kairi) Yeah, the only ones that can save the day are us!

“You mean to say that you’ve got magical weapons, powered by the friendship you have within your hearts, that you’ve used to save your world a few times, but you don’t have them with you?”

Doctor: It isn’t like they could ever get stolen or anything.

       Rainbow rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. “Eh he he, yeah.”

       “So where are they?” Kairi asked.

       “In a special hall in the castle,” Rarity answered. “But we can’t get at them anyway. Princess Celestia keeps them in a vault that’s locked up with a spell only she can undo.”

Doctor: And Princess Luna and Cadence. No point putting all your eggs in one basket.

       Rainbow could see the smirks appear on the two off-world pegasi’s faces. “Locked, huh?” Sora asked. “Take us to them.”

Ditzy: Or you could just ask Princess Celestia nicely.

Doctor: I think Sora feels the need to validate himself after that humiliation.

Well, there’s something of a battle at any rate.

Doctor: (Shire Folk) But that isn’t the reason you read this story. You read it for the gripping exposition!

Coltinster proves himself as being badass number one in the room with his use of the Lightning Bolt and Chain Lightning spells. Now if only he’d cast Polymorph on those two to briefly make them human again…

All: Nah..

Doctor: Let them suffer.

Shire Folk

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“Good, you’re back. Now it’s time for you clean up this mess.” Dinky said a few seconds after the Doctor and Ditzy exited the theater.

                “Yes. Yes.” The Doctor said wearily.

                “I expect you to be back in your room as soon as you are finished. Do you understand me?” Dinky dictated in a tone that sounded motherly.

                “Yes Dinky.” The Doctor and Ditzy said flatly.

                “Wait, what about dinner?” Ditzy just realized they hadn’t eaten anything since lunch yesterday.

                “You aren’t getting any.” Dinky said simply.

                “What!?” Ditzy was outraged. She was starving.

                “Don’t you think you have punished us enough?” The Doctor said quite irritated. He stomped a hoof of emphasis. “You keep adding punishments on a whim.”

                “No, I don’t. I want you to understand the severity of what you did.” Dinky said in tone similar to that of a parent lecturing a child. “Now get to it. I expect this place to be completely cleaned up in two hours.”

                The two adventures sighed and begun their work. The Doctor grabbed a broom and swept floor while Ditzy started picking up anything that couldn’t be swept up and put it a nearby trash bin. The Doctor couldn’t believe this. He was being treated like a child. He was being punished like a child. He briefly wondered if he would have preferred being tortured over this. He could handle that.

“Even more reason,” Riku whispered back. “I first saw her when I woke up behind bars in the castle dungeon this morning,” he answered pleasantly. “Princess Celestia thought that we were connected to the…Shadows that had been appearing, and she was right.” Next Chapter: Episode 6 - Part 1 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 1 Estimated time remaining: 27 Hours, 31 Minutes