Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 9 - Part 2

“Alright, you got my attention. Let’s go.” Spike said without any argument.

Doctor: (Spike) Though the spears are rather rude.

The guards removed their spears from around Spike’s throat and proceeded to escort him out the door.

“No!” Twilight cried, fighting past the guards that still held her in place. Their spears nicked her throat, but she ignored them as she fought her way to her oldest friend.

Doctor: Using Equestrian Aikido.

She was knocked back by a barrier erected by her mentor, Celestia.

“No, Twilight. I’m fully aware of your situation, and normally, I wouldn’t interfere with your reunion so unprofessionally, but I’m drawing on straws here. The situation is desperate in order to avoid a terrible outcome that the Elements of Harmony can’t fix.”

Doctor: Ah yes, the one thing the great magic of harmony and friendship can’t fix, petty politics.

Celestia was gentle with her student, but strong enough to stop her from moving against the wall. Twilight struggled as hard as she could.

“Twilight, I’ll be fine. Come and say goodbye before I leave.” Spike said with a casual demeanour. Celestia released the Barrier and Twilight followed at a calmer pace.

Ditzy: Her mane was only slightly disheveled and she only twitched a little bit.

A carriage was waiting outside to transport the Princess and the dragon back to Canterlot. Handcuffs were placed around Spike’s wrists,

Doctor: Hoofcuffs.

labelling him a prisoner.

Ditzy: And not a dragon that’s into…

Doctor: Ditzy.

Ditzy: Sorry.

The other five Elements had noticed the ruckus and had made their way over to inspect the trouble.

Doctor: Rainbow Dash noted that the spears weren’t up to code. A certain captain would hear of this.

“Hey, what are you doing with Spike?!” Rainbow Dash demanded of one of the guards. She failed to see Celestia standing beside Twilight.

Ditzy: And ponies say I have bad eyesight.

“Spike is being placed under arrest for breaking the truce between our kind and that of the gryphons. The peace treaties have been broken and as such a resolution is required in order to avoid war.” Celestia replied.

Ditzy: How did he do that? Did he invade the Griffon kingdom or something?

“But Spike’s not a pony, he isn’t involved in the treaties.” Twilight argued. Celestia shook her head.

“Spike is pony-hatched. The treaties state that he is officially one of us.” The six ponies grew dismayed faces.

Ditzy: Don’t you mean he’s an Equestrian citizen? He was born in Equestria.

“Exactly how has he broken the treaties any who?” Applejack asked.

“He has been charged with the mass slaughter of numerous scouting parties within their territory.” There was a minute’s silence.

Ditzy: It was self defence. They attacked him first!

Doctor: So they are claiming that Equestria is harboring a fugitive that has done grievous harm to Griffon Kingdom?

The ponies expected Spike to make a complaint about the charge but he said nothing.

Ditzy: So it’s true then?

Doctor: Silence speaks louder than words.

“Is it true, Spike?” Twilight asked. Spike looked at her and shook his head.

“I would argue that the gryphons are exaggerating their territorial status, but I think I’ll save it for the hearing. Assuming you’re not going to pull that out of character for Equestrian law?” Spike asked, glaring at the Princess. Celestia swallowed for a second before entering the carriage.

Ditzy: Er, what?

Doctor: Yes, let’s all fear the big bad Spike.

“Say your goodbyes, Spike.” she muttered. The young dragon looked to Twilight immediately. The pony ran to him. He raised his bound arms and rested them over her neck, pulling her into a tight embrace.

Doctor: Into a Pinkie Pie-like death hug.

“I’ll come back soon, Twi. I promise.” he whispered into her ear. The mare broke down and cried on his shoulder.

Doctor: The poor dear.

Spike just continued to hold her close, saying nothing else the entire time. When Twilight had composed herself again, her eyes were puffy and red. She smiled at him reassuringly and reached out to kiss him. Spike didn’t hesitate to return the kiss. Some of the guards shuffled around in their armour, uncomfortable with the display before them.

Ditzy: (Guard) Eww. He has cooties now!

The other five ponies looked around to make sure nopony else was watching, and that they weren’t giving the couple revolted looks.

Doctor: (Pony) Ew, do they need to make such of show of it.

Ditzy: (Pony) They look moments away from doing it right there!

Twilight broke the kiss with a blush. “I love you.” she declared, giving him a second little smooch. The young dragon smiled.

Ditzy: While trying to not gag from Twilight’s breath.

“I’ll come back for you…” he turned his eyes back towards Celestia. “One way or another.”

Ditzy: Oh, maybe you can come back as ghost?

Celestia winced at the statement. She knew then that things would not go as smoothly as she’d hoped.

Ditzy: Celestia winced? Really?

Doctor: Is this story really trying to convince us Spike is that scary?

The carriage had left Ponyville and was making its short trek to Canterlot. Spike sat in the carriage across from Celestia who looked at the dragon with cautious eyes. Spike had been sitting back with his eyes closed, possibly asleep.

Ditzy: He had his mouth open and was drooling, so it was probably true.

Celestia wondered what the future held for Spike and her student.

Doctor: Maybe a house with two children with a picket fence.

Given his statement, war might have been inevitable from the start. She knew Spike would have gained a draconic personality during his years living with them, but she’d hoped that his love for his friends would trump that in the greater scheme of things. Now, she wasn’t so sure.

Ditzy: She knew he would do something really stupid turning the trial.

The carriage jerked as it touched the stone walkways of Canterlot’s Royal Palace entrance. Spike’s eyes snapped open, surprising the Princess. He was more animalistic than she’d expected.

Doctor: Spike often stopped to sniff trees and sometimes urinated on them.

The guards circled around the carriage, waiting for Spike to emerge. Celestia went first, walking clear of the circle before Spike emerged. Unicorn Guards immediately placed warding spells around the dragon, cutting off his magic. One of two methods he required to escape if the shit hit the fan was blocked off from him. He was led into the palace,

Ditzy: Wait, they didn’t tell us what the other method was.

where the main hall seated the Royal court, including Blue Blood who looked as pompous as ever. Spike tested his magic, seeing transparent magical spikes piercing his surface. His core magical centre was cut off from the rest of his body.

Ditzy: It was covered in caramel.

His confidence was reduced to half, but he was certain he could escape should the need arise.

Doctor: He knew those lessons from Hoofdini would come in handy on day.

Spike looked around to see the High king of the Gryphon Kingdom seated beside the thrones of the Royal Princesses. His eyes focused on the young dragon as he came into view. Spike was forced to stand in the centre of the hall. The trial was about to begin.

Doctor: Great, an extradition hearing. This could literally take months even years.

Ditzy: Luckily Princess Celestia got Phoenix Wright to defend him.

“Spike. You are charged with the deaths of no less than several dozen gryphon scouts, who were found killed near the border of their territory. How do you plead?” there was a mare reading from a small piece of parchment. She was dressed like a judge, but lacked the presence to be called one.

Ditzy: She insisted on wearing bunny ears at the trial.

“Not guilty. The Gryphons reside in the Eastern and North Eastern regions East of Equestria. My home was situated five miles south of their border. I never directly attacked their people, but instead left them be unless they approached my mountain peak.” Spike replied. The Gryphon king huffed in contempt.

Doctor: Great, now we are going to go into territorial disputes. This chapter is going to take forever.

“Royal guards investigated the site of the most recent assault and concluded that their bodies were in fact within their border.” the mare stated. Spike looked at the Gryphon king who had a smirk on his face.

“Really?” Spike asked. The mare nodded. “Did the guards find blood?” he asked.

Ditzy: Wait. Why doesn’t Spike have a lawyer?

The king’s smirk dropped immediately.

Ditzy: (King) Oh no. He saw through my incredibly obvious lie!

“What?” the mare asked.

“Well, the only way for them to prove that those gryphons died in that place is if the area was covered in blood, and not just their bodies.”

Doctor: Among other things.

The mare checked her records and raised a brow. “There doesn’t seem to be any case of blood having been discovered on anything but the bodies.”

Doctor: (Investigator) Isn’t isn’t a little strange that the amount of blood on the crime scene isn’t consistent with the way the Griffons were killed, and there doesn’t seem to be a sign of a struggle at all.

Ditzy: (Investigator 2) Ignore it. The Griffon wouldn’t lie to us!

“This is ridiculous! Where he killed them does not matter.

Doctor: Oh course it does! You whole case revolves around the fact that Griffons were killed on Griffon territory!

Ditzy: If it doesn’t matter, why did you move the bodies in the first place?

The fact still remains, my subjects have been slaughtered. I demand recompence!” the king rose to his haunches and pointed a talon at the dragon.

Doctor: (King) My cousin Larry was in that group!

“And you should know that there were six of us. If you’re demanding revenge for your lost flock, then should I not also be demanding revenge on the brood that said flock stole from me?”

“That would be the case if you were someone of importance among your kind.”

Doctor: Why should that matter? Blood was spilled either way.

the king replied. Spike grinned.

Ditzy: Well, Spike was raised by Celestia. So that sorta makes him a prince.

“I’m a pony-hatched dragon that once belonged to Princess Celestia’s pupil. In Equestria, that’s just short of Nobility.

All: Not really.

In Dragon territory, I’m an infamous Crimelord

Ditzy: Wait wait. Crimelord? Did Spike deal with drugs or something?

that not even the Dragon King bucks with. So what say you?”

All: (Laughs)

Ditzy: Sure, whatever you say Spike.

Doctor: Even though your little group was easily wiped out by a group of Griffons?

Spike was grinning from cheek to cheek, giving himself a crazed look.

Ditzy: Somepony get the ponies in the white coats!

Celestia interrupted the banter and walked up to Spike. “While I agree your place in our society is more or less accurate… Spike, the Gryphon king is threatening to go to war if you don’t agree to go with him. Every pony in Equestria will be in danger.”

Doctor: Please tell me you aren’t going along with this. He doesn’t have a case at all.

Ditzy: So Celestia isn’t using her legal knowhow and trickery to get Spike out of this?

Spike was surprised to see Celestia was silently pleading with him to do the right thing.

Ditzy: Come on! Princess Celestia raised him from an egg. She’s like a mother to him.  She would never do anything like this!

Doctor: How is this the right thing exactly? He’s innocent!

He could see it in her eyes. A chuckle escaped his lungs, drawing Celestia back a step.

Doctor: Does the author realize just how hard it is to spook Celestia? She has seen things that make Spike cry like a little foal.

“So you say you’re being threatened to give me up, regardless of the trial’s outcome, all for the sake of protecting your kingdom?” he asked. There was uncomfortable silence for the next few seconds.

Doctor: But this makes Equestria look weak. Which will only give the Griffon Kingdom all the more reason to bully and push around Equestria and make even more ridiculous demands.

“Y-ye-.” Celestia was cut off.

Doctor: Are you kidding me! Celestia would never sell out one of her subjects like that! Even with the prospect of war!

There was a loud crack as Spike’s clawed foot collided with her face. There was an audible gasp from everypony in the court as Celestia flew back into her throne, which wasn’t strong enough support the force her body made against its back. Luna leaned away from the broken throne, her eyes wider than the plates she often ate from.

Ditzy: And he immediately gets swarmed by guards that beat him into submission.

Spike stood straight and ripped the cuffs apart, making a pair of nice bracelets for himself.

Ditzy: (Spike) They’re so pretty! I hope Twilight likes them.

Doctor: (Guard) I knew we shouldn’t have used cuffs made of cheap plastic.

“You all think I give a shit about Equestria? There’s only one thing I care about, and I’m going to kill any gryphon or pony that gets in my way. Royalty is no exception. So prepare your bodies, bitches. I’m about reign hell down on the Gryphon kingdom, and any ponies get in my way are going to be treated like gryphons too. Since the truth is irrelevant, I’ll kill on sight. So you all better duck. Because I’m about to turn left, and I don’t wanna smack you with my dick!”

Doctor: (Spike) Because that would actually be pretty painful.

Spike laughed at the ruckus he’d caused and headed for the nearest window.

Ditzy: Unfortunately he was turned into a pincushion by crossbow bolts and spears.

The royal guards followed after him as fast as they could, but he was out of there before they could gather themselves.

Doctor: Of course, no one is allowed to be competent except Spike.

“Celestia, Luna! I expect you to aid our people in this time of need.” the Gryphon king replied. Celestia had been knocked unconscious,

All: What?!

Ditzy: No way! Even with his dark powers, there is no way he could do something like that!

Doctor: Wasn’t his power sealed away for the time being.

which left Luna in charge to make the ultimate decision. She rose off her throne.

“My apologies, your highness. But the treaties dictate that under circumstances such as this, when a dragon, pony-hatched or not declares war on either of our species,

Doctor: What an oddly specific clause to have in your treaty with the Griffons.

the other is to refrain from aiding in order to preserve the pride of the one at war. Those were the conditions your great grandfather signed with Celestia four hundred years ago following the war between our species.

Ditzy: So to put it simply, you’re out of luck.

As today’s urban youth pronounces it; ‘you’ve made your bed, now lay in it’.” Luna said.

Ditzy: (Luna) We are so hip and street now!

Some members of the royal court had gathered their heads after the fiasco with Spike and had verbally acknowledged their agreement with Luna’s decision.

Doctor: So… no one cares that Celestia just got knocked out?

Ditzy: Right now Princess Luna should be demanding for Spike’s impalement, and that his corpse should be displayed on the castle lawn as reminder to all that would defy the crown.

Doctor: Celestia should really talk to Luna about that.

“But the treaties were broken.”

Doctor: No, no it wasn’t. It has been followed to the letter.

“Then we have nothing further to discuss and you are a trespasser on our land. Be gone with you.” The gryphon king growled at the dark princess.

Ditzy: You tell this crazy blowhard Luna!

“You will regret this, Luna. I shall send every single gryphon under my rule to fight against you and this dark dragon.” with that said, the gryphon king swept away from the palace, intent on returning home.

Ditzy: (King) How dare you defy me you meanie head!

“So it’s a three-way war, your majesty?” asked one of the Nobles. Luna made a heavy sigh. Her mind was just as confused as the ponies she’d surrounded herself with.

Doctor: Agreed. That trial made no sense.

“No, we’re going to help Spike. This is not the first time I’ve disagreed with my sister’s judgement, but I’m certain that she was in the wrong. Too many dangers these past few years have made her paranoid and she’s beginning to care more for the safety of Equestria than the justice she once deemed the highest priority. If somepony among you believes I have made a mistake, please, let me know. I don’t know what I am doing and I would like a nudge in the right direction.” Nopony objected to her decision. The next war was beginning immediately, and Luna would be leading it against the advice and authority of her older sister, when she woke up.

Doctor: What a contrived reason to make Celestia the bad guy in this situation.

Spike ran as fast as he could through the back alleys of Canterlot’s streets. As he ran, he tried picking the locks on his broken handcuffs.

All: Hoofcuffs!

He’d managed to get one of them off, but the locking mechanism on the second was proving too difficult for him to control. While he would just use magic to remove the cuff, the wards the guards had placed on him were still in effect. He had to rely on his strength and speed. Dark magic had been taken off his agenda, but regular magic was something they hadn’t taken into account.

Ditzy: Shouldn’t the wards have stopped both of them?

Doctor: Why would they overlook that?

With that, Spike’s wings shot out of his back, their reverse position making it extremely easy for the guards to find him,

Ditzy: Yeah, because obviously Spike would invisibly fit in the crowds if he didn’t.

but he could handle them. He could handle anything.

Ditzy: Of course Spike escapes easily.

Doctor: The story almost had tension for a few seconds there.

“I’m coming home, Twilight. Just wait for me.”

Doctor: Right at this moment a certain pegasus named Flash Sentry walked into town and caught Twilight’s eye.

The Librarian looked up from her book as she thought she’d heard her name.

“Twiight!” the soft whisper of Fluttershy’s voice reached the unicorn’s ears and she looked toward the source. Fluttershy was floating just outside her bedroom window, in a rush to get in.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) Twilight it’s horrible! Zombies are everywhere!

“Fluttershy? What are you doing here? Come in through the front door like everypony else.” Fluttershy yipped quietly as she forced her way through the window, disobeying Twilight’s order.

Ditzy: Wow, things must be desperate.

“Fluttershy!” Twilight exclaimed, clearly frustrated with the Pegasus. “What’s going on?”

The scared yellow Pegasus took a second to calm down. “Oh, Twilight. It’s terrible. All my animals went mad. They’ve up and left my home and they all went west.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) They said something about becoming big time stars in Las Pegasus.

It isn’t the time of the year for them to migrate and even Angel bunny, who doesn’t leave my side hopped as fast as his little bunny legs could take him.” Fluttershy stopped to take a breath. “Something’s coming, Twilight and the animals can sense it.”

Doctor: No, they refused to take any part in the story.

Suddenly, Rarity and Applejack burst through the door.

Doctor: (Rarity) Freeze! Fashion Police!

“Girls, what is this? A siesta?! Get out of my room and go about your business.” the lavender unicorn demanded. Applejack placed her hooves on Twilight’s shoulders and took in a deep breath.

Ditzy: (Applejack) Twi, this is serious! This is no time from some frou frou party!

“Twilight, Gilda’s back and she’s hurtin’ bad. Dash is with her right now and she’s sayin’ that the gryphons are goin’ to war against Equestria.” Applejack let in more air and continued. “She said that she was attacked by her own kind because they found out she was tryin’ to warn us.”

Twilight grew wide-eyed as she registered this information in her head.

Doctor: It took some time because it had to sign several forms that needed to be triple checked before being turned in.

“Negotiations must have broken down in Canterlot. That could mean Spike’s either on the run from both the gryphons and us… or he’s dead.” the latter option didn’t sit well with anypony.

Ditzy: If only we could be so lucky.

Twilight hurried out of her room and told Applejack to lead the way to Gilda.

It was a three minute gallop to the Apple Family farm,

Ditzy: What?! From the library? That is ridiculous.

where Gilda was resting on a bale of hay. She really looked worse for wear.

“Goodness, Gilda… how did all this happen?” Twilight asked.

“My boyfriend likes it rough, what do you think happened?

Doctor: There is no need to get snippy.

The others caught me trying to warn you dweebs. And why did I do it? Mainly because I still like Dash, but I also owe that ass of a dragon my life twice, so I just have to do all this once more and I’d be ‘Even Steven’ with him.” Gilda coughed up some blood as she spoke.

Ditzy: Coughing up blood? ...I don’t think she has very long left to live…

“That doesn’t look good. Well, let’s get you healed so you can repay your debt to Spike once more.”

Doctor: With three easy payments.

Twilight lifted the Gryphon with her magic slowly.

“Dash?” Gilda called out. Rainbow Dash was by her side in an instant. “I missed you.” Gilda raised her talon to Rainbow Dash who took it instantly.

Ditzy: Awww…..

“You can tell me just how much you missed me when you’re up and flying like the old days.” Dash replied. Sadly, things don’t always go as planned. Another gryphon landed on the levitated Gilda, slamming her back into the ground. This one was bigger and darker; a big male.

Ditzy: Where did he come from? Was he hiding in the trees?

“NO!” Dash cried out, checking Gilda to see if she was still alive. Dash couldn’t tell if she’d bought it or was knocked out by the impact. The big gryphon kicked Dash away from her friend and three more joined him, circling the five ponies, sans Pinkie who was nowhere in sight.

Ditzy: Ready to strike them with her party cannon at any moment.

“Look what we have here boys, a bunch of fillies and a near-dead pony lover.” The big male picked Gilda up by the neck and tossed her to the group. Twilight caught her in her aura and rested her next to Dash who stood over the gryphon to protect her from further harm.

Twilight looked at the four big male gryphons and saw a wildness in their eyes that contrasted Spike’s when he first came back.

Ditzy: I don’t remember anything about that before.

These gryphons were elite. A chorus of screams sounded throughout Ponyville and Twilight realised that the war had begun as quickly as it had been declared.

Doctor: But war was only declared about five minutes ago! Where did they come from?

And a single thought came to her mind. Spike.

Ditzy: (Twilight) This is all your fault. Next Chapter: Episode 9 - Part 3 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 12 Estimated time remaining: 24 Hours, 30 Minutes