Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 8 - Part 3

Rarity stood before one of her many ponnequins, her latest design still incomplete. She stood there, staring at it.

Doctor: Until she saw the curtains. They gave her a brilliant idea.

Usually, the idea would come entirely, but with this dress, she was making it up as she went along.

Ditzy: (Rarity) Plaid! That is something I haven’t tried using in a long time.

Her mind tried so hard to focus on the task at hand, but she was constantly being distracted by the events of the past few days.

Doctor: Understandable. Ditzy has been completely livid and these events didn’t even physically happen to her.

Ditzy: Even if the characters in the story forgive him, I won’t!

Her heart was aching constantly since she’d been dropped like a rock by the dragon she’d once known. She didn’t love him in return, but appreciated his admiration for her.

Doctor: And they had some good laughs over the years.

Or that was what she thought. Now there was something nagging at her. Why was she so upset over him having finished with his crush on her?

Ditzy: Dear Celestia. A love triangle.

The familiar hoof steps of a younger mare approached her.

Ditzy: (Rarity) Scootaloo? What are you going here?

Doctor: (Scootaloo) I can’t hide it anymore! I love dresses! I want to be a dress maker!

“Sis?” Sweetie Belle’s voice reached out to her. Rarity tore her gaze away from the incomplete dress and looked upon the beautiful figure that was her now maturing younger sister. She smiled at the younger mare who reached a hoof up to her and wiped a tear from her eye. Rarity was surprised to see the tear as she hadn’t realised she’d been crying.

Doctor: I’m completely looking forward to the part where Spike carelessly crushes her heart.

Ditzy: (Sighs)

“Oh dear. How indecent of me. A lady should never cry.” she said, trying to regain a little pride in front of her sister.

“I disagree. Why else would we be able to cry if we aren’t supposed to when we’re sad?” Sweetie belle offered her sister a handkerchief, who in turn took it with great appreciation.

Doctor: And blew into it in a surprisingly lady like manner.

“I suppose you’re right. Thank you.” Rarity said. The younger mare sat down and hummed a little tune to her sister as she grabbed a royal blue cloth roll from the rack and unrolled it with her magic,

Ditzy: Ooo. Maybe she’ll sing a musical number to cheer her sister up.

Doctor: You know that won’t happen.

Ditzy: Awwww….

placing it next to the incomplete design as a suggestion to Rarity. The fashionista blubbered a laugh and nodded.

“Very good. It goes very well with the pale yellow.” she began.

Ditzy: (Sweetie) We should try getting out cutie marks in dressmaking again! I’m going to get the other crusaders! Wait right here! We are going to help you make the best dresses ever!

Doctor: (Rarity) Um, Sweetie that’s quite….alright...Not again.

“It reminds me of the beach, blue and yellow.” Sweetie Belle said. Rarity nodded. That was the theme she was going for.

Doctor: Reminds me of a Macaw.

Ditzy: Or a sunset.

“I don’t think Spike is really gone, Sis.” Sweetie said.

Doctor: Just his mind. It’s the dark powers. They do funny things to people.

“What makes you think I was crying over that jerk?” Rarity asked. Sweetie belle smiled under her sister’s gaze.

Ditzy: (Sweetie) You’re crying while holding an old picture of Spike.

“Well, that question just now makes me think so, because that wasn’t what I was talking about.” Rarity blushed as she’d realised her mistake.

“He’s…not cruel by nature.

Ditzy: He just enjoys the suffering of others!

I think he’s trying to make you all hate him. I don’t know why, but I think I’d do the same thing if I were in his… do dragons wear shoes?” Rarity looked at her sceptically.

Doctor: This fic sure likes to go out of its way to defend Spike.

There was a knock in the door. Sweetie Belle made her way over to answer it. She took one look at the knocker and smiled.

Doctor: It was the other Cutie Mark Crusaders.

“Rarity, it’s for you.” she called out.

“Coming!” she replied cheerily. The figure at the door chuckled.

Ditzy: Here we go.

“Subtle.” Sweetie Belle opened the door further to allow him entry. She didn’t notice the second figure until she stepped through.

Doctor: (Twilight) Studying those ninja training guides is really paying off.

“Oh, hey Twilight, I didn’t see you there. I thought Spike had come on his own.” The two figures smiled and addressed her properly.

Doctor: With a bow.

“Well I need to keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn’t try and finish what she started with the mug.” Spike began. Twilight stuck her tongue out at him cheekily.

All: …

Doctor: I think the author severely underestimates just how serious suicide and depression are.

“And I need to help him apologise to Rarity because he’s an ass and will undoubtedly stuff it up. Because that’s what he’s hoping to do.” she retorted. The two of them grinned at each other.

Ditzy: It will be a cold day in Tartarus before that happens.

“Looks like you two have gotten back together… in a non-romantic way.” Sweetie Belle said. Rarity entered their field of vision and stopped. She took one look at Spike and grew a dark face.

Ditzy: And threw everything she could get her hooves on at him!

“Twilight, darling. Welcome to the boutique.” she said, ignoring Spike presence.

Doctor: Deeply insulting Spike.

“Hello, Rarity. I thought it would be a good idea to pay you a visit.” Twilight said. Rarity hurried the unicorn into the lounge, leaving Spike with Sweetie Belle.

Ditzy: (Spike) Wait! Come back please!

Doctor: (Sweetie) I have so many questions for you!

“I get the feeling they’re embarrassed of me.” Spike said. Sweetie Belle chuckled and closed the door behind her.

Doctor: (Spike) Was the paperbag on my head really necessary?

“I like it when she pretends we’re not there. I always manage to best her by playing around with her designs. Then she addresses me and I win.” Spike laughed.

“You’re still as cheeky as ever, I see.” They walked together into the lounge. The eye contact was instant. Spike kept his gaze on the white mare as he grinned, passing by some very nice designs.

Doctor: Spike started kicking them to get Rarity’s attention.

He was going to take a little revenge for all the times he’d helped her and she discarded him at the end of the day.

Ditzy: (Spike) Directly into a trash bin too!

He found an unused ponnequin and stood behind it, drawing Rarity’s attention.

Ditzy: (Spike) I’ll show her who the better dressmaker is!

“Hey Sweetie Belle, look. Scalret Pimpony.” he then proceeded to dry hump the doll. Sweetie Belle burst out laughing as Rarity screamed at the display. Twilight hid her face as a big blush began to form.

All: (Disgusted) Ugh.

Ditzy: I feel unclean now.

Doctor: Little did Spike know that the mannequin was actually an Auton and it shot him.

“Spike, cut that out right now!” Rarity galloped over to the dragon who in turn, leaped over her and clung to the ceiling, his clawed feet digging into the roof.

Ditzy: Hey! Are you going to pay for that?

Doctor: It might be a good idea to burn the mannequin.

“Now I have your attention, I’ll say what I came here to say.”

Doctor: Or you could have just done a polite cough.

Twilight moved away from beneath Spike, the fear of him losing grip and crashing on top of her frightened her slightly. Rarity looked at the dragon’s feet and growled at him.

Ditzy: And now he’s tracking mud too!

“You’ve had plenty of chances to get it good with me. You could have responded positively to my expressions of love for you, you could have denied me from the very beginning. Instead, you dragged me along. You made me believe I had a chance with you, you used me and dropped me back into Twilight’s care at the end of the day. Granted, you rewarded me with gems and the like, but they weren’t what I wanted in the greater scheme of things.”

Ditzy: (Spike) I wanted you to make me a pretty dress!

Spike removed one foot from the ceiling, revealing the holes he’d left behind, then then dug into another part of the roof, which made Rarity groan.

Doctor: (Rarity) And I just had that fixed after Rainbow Dash crashed into it!

“I’ll admit, I was young… er. A baby dragon,

Doctor: Technically you are still one. Compared to most dragons, you aren’t even out of the crib yet.

I can see how that wouldn’t make for a life partner. But if you simply said that you’d wait for me to grow up, I might have waited for that.

Ditzy: You do realize that would never work right?

You know when you ask somepony something and you get an answer that doesn’t make any sense?

Ditzy: (Spike) Like whenever I ask Twilight something.

It was kind of like that with us. You see, I’m grown up now.

Doctor: Yet you act like petulant teenager, maybe not even that.

But because you didn’t give me any sign that you’d wait for me… well look where we are.”

Doctor: Didn’t you say in an earlier chapter you never gave her the chance to return your feelings?

He released his grip on the roof and landed on the ground with his hands.

All: Claws.

He spread his legs and flung them around in a dual-roundhouse kick before pushing against the ground to land on his feet.

Doctor: Spike is Chuck Norris.

Rarity and the others stared at him with awe.

Ditzy: That was both stupid and pointless.

“I’m stronger, faster, and more powerful than you.

Doctor: Spike, more powerful than your average fashionesta.

Your love for gems could have been requited, what with dragons being natural collectors of such things.

Ditzy: (Spike) I personally collect pogs.

But you’ve lost it all because you didn’t say four little words; ‘I’ll wait for you’.

Ditzy: (Rarity) But darling you never gave me the chance.

” He’d strolled up to Rarity and was now in his face. She was speechless yet again

Doctor: Because no one is ever allowed to defend themselves from Spike.

and Twilight was having a hard time getting the image of Spike humping the ponnequin out of her mind.

All: (Facehoofs)

Sweetie Belle had emerged from the kitchen with drinks for everypony.

Ditzy: Can I get a diet Coke?

“I…” Spike shushed her by placing a finger over her lips.

Doctor: (Spike) I’m not done insulting and humiliating you yet.

“Hush little filly, don’t say a word… Spikey’s gonna buy you a mocking bird.” he then returned to Twilight’s side, singing the rest of the tune.

Ditzy: We finally get a musical number and this is what we get?

“And if that mocking bird don’t sing, well forget the diamond ring.”

Ditzy: You will have to settle with cubic zirconia.

he said. Twilight cleared her throat.

Doctor: (Twilight) That isn’t how the song goes Spike. It’s ‘Mama's, or this case Spike’s, gonna buy you a diamond ring’.

“How was that for an apology?” the dragon asked.

Ditzy: I think you need to look up what the word apology means.

“Perhaps we should have booked an appointment at the spa.” Twilight replied, looking back at the events that just unfolded.

Doctor: Of course she isn’t going to scold him for this or get the least bit angry.

The young dragon chuckled.

Doctor: (Spike) Perfect, I could smother her in the mud bath!

“Mud fight.” he called over to Sweetie Belle who giggled in response.

Rarity sucked in air and glared daggers at the dragon.

“And what about now, Spikey? Surely you didn’t come to that realisation all of a sudden? So what changed? What caused you to stop loving me?” she challenged. Spike grinned at her.

Doctor: (Spike) I found somepony that actually appreciates me! Isn’t that right Twilight?

Ditzy: (Twilight) Gasp! I just remembered that Quills and Sofas is having a sale on quills today! Spike! Get a parchment so we can create a checklist!

“Dunno, maybe it was the lack of green.” he replied. Rarity hated that colour to no end.

Doctor: The green mane incident haunted her to this day.

“Well I’m sorry if I don’t mix and match poorly, unlike some dragon I know, who has a thing for moustaches.” Spike laughed.

“I’m over those. I’m thinking of growing a goatee now. And I’ll make sure it’s as green as your envy.” he said, leaning over her.

Ditzy: (Rarity) How does he know about my goatee fantasies?

“Who or what could I possibly envy?”

“Oh, come on. I’m sure Scootaloo told you about the white dragoness I was shacking up with

Doctor: Glad to see just how little Spike cares about the fact she was brutally murdered.

Ditzy: She was eaten right in front of him!

who looked like you but didn’t smell like raw fish from the tail down.”

Ditzy: This coming from somepony that rarely baths?

Rarity growled at him.

Doctor: (Rarity) Accursed Crusaders and their Surströmming prank.

“Oh, that is the rankest cynicism.”

“In which way? Literally or figuratively?” he asked, motioning to her flank as he stated the prior. Rarity frowned at him.

“You’d probably think both, you’re that dense. But let’s move on to you, shall we? You’ve grown tall, sure, but I’m willing to bet you haven’t grown any longer since the day you left.”

Doctor: Are we really going here?

Ditzy: How is this something Rarity would say? It’s too… um...uncouth!

Sweetie Belle and Twilight watched the fight go either way; neither one ready to get in between it.

Ditzy: Because that is total in character for the both of them.

“I think Rainbow Dash can attest to quite the opposite.” he retorted. Rarity growled at him.

“So you’ve had a session with the whore of Cloudsdale then, have you? I’m not surprised.”

All: Woah woah woah.

Doctor: Where did this animosity between Rarity and Rainbow Dash come from?

“Oh yes. We discussed your sex life briefly afterward. It had to be brief because there wasn’t much of a sex life to talk about regarding you. You can try Rarity, you can try so hard to make yourself look pretty for the Stallions, but once they get a load of your dried up old prune of a pussy,

Doctor: Leave Opal out of this. She looks good for her age.

it becomes public knowledge that you have the sex appeal of an aardvark.”

All: An aardvark?

Rarity subconsciously sat down on the floor afterward, still eager to face him?

Ditzy: Especially after that witty aardvark line.

“At least I wasn’t tricked into believing I had a shot with somepony as talented as myself.”

“Oh yes, the fashionista with a superiority complex; whoops, tautology.

Ditzy: Pot calling the kettle black.

Face the facts, Rarity. You hide behind your make-up and your designs because you believe that your natural self isn’t worth the life it was given.”

Ditzy: That isn’t even one of Rarity’s flaws. She just wants to make everything beautiful.

“Spike! Stop now. Keep that up and she’ll be suicidal too.” Twilight gave Spike a bemused look, which he caught instantly.

Ditzy: How is this something to joke about?! Twilight almost died! Twice!

The dragon leaned closer to Rarity, his head beside hers and he whispered into her ear.

“Just remember that I’m done with you.” he stood at his full height and walked to the other two ponies.

“Remember why I’m doing this, Twi.” he said, going past her.

Doctor: (Spike) I’m protecting her!

He let himself out and closed the door ever so casually.

Ditzy: And now he’s breaking doors too?

Twilight looked at the now rattled designer.

Ditzy: (Twilight) He meant well really!

“Sorry, Rarity. I’d hoped he’d actually apologize for everything he’d said. But it seems as though he’s still in conflict about whether to stay.” Rarity looked at her friend.

Doctor: (Rarity) How does that make anything better?!

“You mean he didn’t mean any of that?” she asked. Twilight shook her head.

“At least… not all of it.

Ditzy: (Twilight) He’s right about you being a dried up old prune.

He’s trying to make us all hate him so we won’t miss him when he goes again.

Ditzy: Stupidest plan ever.

So far that’s all gone to hell with Rainbow Dash and Applejack. Now I’m beginning to accept him into the group again. I can tell that he won’t try to upset Fluttershy, and Pinkie’s surprisingly evasive, given the situation.” Rarity rose to her hooves and sighed with relief.

Doctor: (Rarity) I instantly forgive him!

“Thank goodness. The things he said to me… I nearly died of a heart attack. The white mare grabbed one of the drinks that Sweetie Belle still had on the tray and guzzled it down.

Doctor: So she just stood there, not going to her sister’s defence at all?

“He planned this out well.

Ditzy: Not really considering it completely failed.

Doctor: And multiple times!

I didn’t think he could do something like this. Plan his own social exile before he even returned?”

Doctor: Or he could have just avoided going to Ponyville from the start and not get involved with any of his old friends.

Twilight shuddered at the thought.

Doctor: Yes, a real Sun Tzu.

“Well I don’t know about you, but I’m determined to keep him here. He’s just trying to protect us.” Rarity nodded.

Ditzy: Does Spike realize his friends are perfectly capable of defending themselves?

“I understand, darling. I’ll try my best to ignore today’s poor attempt at an apology.”

Ditzy: (Rarity) If you can excuse me. I need to burn a mannequin.

Spike remained by the front door, listening to the conversation that ensued afterward. His plan had been thwarted yet again. Being an asshole was starting to become redundant.

Doctor: Won’t stop him from trying.

“Shit!” he muttered to himself as he strolled back home to the Library.

All: That’s our Spike!

Ditzy: Serious though, he can die in Tartarus!

Doctor: If only yellow guy hadn’t died. This story would have been a lot more entertaining.

Ditzy: Definitely.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Doctor.” Ditzy turned to face the Doctor as they left the theater. “I know you said you want to learn to cook on your own, but is it okay if I help you along a bit by suggesting some good books for you to read?”

The Doctor smiled. “That would be lovely.”

Ditzy perked up. “I can think of at least 5 or 6 of them that you would find really helpful!”

“Dinky, is it okay for us to pick them up quickly before going back to our room?” The Doctor asked while looking at the view screen.

“As long as you’re in your room in 20 minutes, it’s fine by me.” Dinky replied.

        “Doctor, you are really going to love ‘Canterlot Delights’. I don’t think I would be even half the cook without it.” Ditzy said happily as the two walked down the hallway to the library.

“Doctor, something has been bothering me.” Ditzy asked slowing down her pace a bit. The Doctor slowed down with her.

                “Oh, what is it?” The Doctor asked.

                “It doesn’t make sense. Why are some things nice and new and others old and worn?” Ditzy asked. “Like the books, most of the books in the library are used or just old library books. Yet everything in the kitchen is brand new.”

                “I think I have an answer to that.” The Doctor responded. “Almost everything in this facility is actually a hard light hologram.”

                “So they are holograms?” Ditzy said tilting her head.

                “Yes, when I was in my workroom, I saw a piece of machinery I was working with disappear in the corner of my eye in a flash of light.” The Doctor replied. “It explains quite a bit. Why, for example, did beautiful, elaborate garden just suddenly appear almost overnight?”

               “It does explain why the garden is always pristine and upkeep without us doing anything.” Ditzy asked curiously. “So why aren’t the books holograms?”

                “Impractical. It would waste a lot of processing power and memory to replicate an entire book.”

                “I see, it would need to recreate every single page of the book.” Ditzy said following the line of logic. “And that would be pointless and wasteful when you could just buy the book from a used bookstore and put it on a shelf.”

                “Indeed. I also suspect the contents of a room disappear when we aren’t in them to save power.”

                “So, I guess that means you have been just wasting time in your workroom then.” Ditzy sighed.

                “Maybe, but I don’t think so.” Doctor said quietly.

                “You still might be able to use it to escape?” Ditzy asked in a hushed tone.

                “Yes.” The Doctor said almost inaudibly.

                “But they’re just holograms.” Ditzy whispered. “What can they possibly do?”

                “You’ll see.” The Doctor smirked. He wasn’t beaten yet.

“Heey… There he is. My ol’ buddy bud-bud.” she proceeded to wobble into the Library and take a seat on the couch across from the fireplace.

Next Chapter: Episode 9 - Part 1 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 10 Estimated time remaining: 25 Hours