Somepony was wiping my muzzle with a damp cloth by the feel of it, the slightly rough texture and cooling sensation were quite soothing. I ached all over from the tips of my ears to my tail as I opened my heavy eyelids to see the sun edging over the hilltop. The land was still heavy in shadow, awaiting the warming light of day. I could almost sense the anticipation and yet still, a tiny part of me, longed for the night sky, the velvet darkness lit with stars twinkling like diamonds and the wan light of the moon.

It was conflicting and unsettling, a strangers memories conflicting with my own. I could liken it to that of reading a book, or watching a play. You may remember the story, the characters, but normally one would simply reach the end of the telling and return to their normal life. The names, places and general storyline may stay with you for some time, but eventually you would probably forget most of it and the story would simply fade into the background, no more than a pleasant recollection.

This was something similar and yet so alien to me, I had trouble reconciling what was going on. The memories were real, tangible, my wife, my son, my people, the war. It had happened, I felt it with all my senses, yet I knew it happened to somepony else. This Maroc…the ‘Lord of the wendigo’s’, had died a thousand years ago. I had ‘been’ him and somehow, goddess knows how, he and I had merged, if only for a brief time. In actual fact, I suspected I had been more of a passenger in his memories, but regardless of what the reality was behind it all, my experience had felt exactly that…real.

“Cap’ ? You okay? Can you speak?”, Tingles’ voice was full of concern. She was stood next to me, a damp cloth her hooves.

I smiled at her, she was a good friend, “Thanks Tingles’, that was…pretty intense”.

She nodded, continuing to wipe around my muzzle gently, “You’re not kidding, you scared the crap out of me back, I thought you were…” she trailed off.

“I was what?”, I asked curiously.

Tingles closed her eyes, her ears flattening for a moment. She didn’t want to say but I had no idea what had happened whilst I’d been…

“I thought you were going to kill me, us…!”, the tangerine mare blurted suddenly, “Aunt Pewter barely missed being blown to pieces by some magic beam from your horn and I had to dive for cover!”

What could I say? Sorry? I’d nearly killed my auntie and my partner? I hung my head and turned away, I couldn’t look her in the face.

“Tingles…I didn’t know. I wasn’t, quite literally, myself. I’d never want to hurt you, or auntie…great goddesses…I’m a…monster.”

Aunt Pewter held a bowl of cherries under my nose, “You’re not a ‘monster’ you silly young fool, you’re simply untrained thats all, like a foal with no schooling.”

Yeah right, a foal that could blast a pony to pieces and kill a dragon. I’d hate to go to school with someone like that in the classroom!

I took a mouthful of the berries, feeling the magic seeping into me. It wasn’t much, like a trickle trying to fill a bath, but it was something and quenched a thirst deeper than for water.

“Tell me…”, she began, “…what did you see?”

I glanced at Tingles who moved in even closer. I could smell her breath, she had been eating something with rosemary in it, my stomach grumbled. She chuckled and fished out a couple of savoury cakes from the saddle pack. Greedily I wolfed them down like a starved pony.

“There was a battle,” I told her between mouthfuls of the cake,”I was in the body of a…a wendigo warrior”

“Yes?” Auntie asked sounding a little impatient.

“His wife was killed. Their leader, an alicorn, was defeated by Celestia and the army routed. They fled, back to the fortress and he tried to save his son. The Celestian’s attacked them in the mountain pass when they tried to escape. The last thing I remember is Celestia incinerating me…or rather, him”.

Tingles gasped in surprise, I suppose that the thought of the benevolent ruler incinerating anypony went against all she knew. Bloody hell, it went against everything I ‘knew’ about her too. Guess I missed that class too then.

“What was his name, Fairlight…the father?”

“Maroc, Lord Maroc.”

She looked away thoughtfully, scratching her muzzle. Without looking back she asked, “Was his wife called Arathea by any chance?”

I nodded, “Yes! How did you…” Pewter cut in, “What was the name of the child?”

“Vela, a small grey unicorn foal. He was given to another to try to get him out, but he was caught in the dragon’s fire before he reached the caverns”.

“You saw this?”

“I heard the child calling for his father just as the pass was deluged in fire, is that not enough auntie? Lord Maroc believed his son dead and attacked Celestia certain she had murdered him. She had given the order to kill all the survivors.”

Tingles rose to her hooves, tears welling in her eyes, “NO! Goddesses Fairlight, the princess would never do such a thing! She loves her subject, her ponies…she loves us! How could you say this…these…these lies!”

“I saw what I saw, Tingles. I don’t know whether it was all a dream or what, but if it was true…Well, perhaps Celestia has a side to her she doesn’t want ponies to see.”

Aunt Pewter spoke up, “Nephew, what you experienced, was the last great war between the princesses, the battle between night and day. The wendigo you experienced, was the Lord of the Fortress of the Four Winds. Histories speak of the battle, how Nightmare Moon was struck down and exiled. The annihilation of her forces is one seldom mentioned and…”, she fixed Tingles with a look, “I would stake my life on the fact that the crap foals are taught in schools now is nothing like the truth of our history.”

She narrowed her eyes, “What you have been told is a lie, a façade, like your precious murdering bitch princess!”

The tangerine mare took on a fighting stance and flattened her ears, “Shut the fuck up you old hag! How would you know anything about the princess? You weren’t there, none of us were!”

Tingles motioned towards me, “Captain, it’s a trick, all of this, this…bullshit! She’s fucking with us, come on, lets get the hell out of here. I won’t hear another word against our princess!”

She stared hatred at the old grey unicorn, “I don’t know what you hope to achieve by filling his mind with this shite, but I’m taking him with me.” Tingles advanced, trying to put herself between my aunt and I.

The elderly grey mare stood her ground, eyes locked with her adversary and addressed me, “Nephew, you are the one who must decide whether to stay or go. I won’t try to influence your decision, but decide you must.”

My vision was immediately filled with the expectant stares of two mares, both wanting me to make a decision. But really, I already had. This creature, spirit…whatever it was, was a part of me whether I liked it or not. My friend and partner would have to understand that.

“Tingles, I have to see this through, I’m no good to Equestria if this thing takes hold of me. I need my aunt’s help, cant you see that?” I tried to reason with her to no avail. I could almost hear her heart breaking.

“You…believe her? These mirages, those conjured memories she put in your head with her magic? Cap’ please…please, just…come with me, please…”

My ears drooped, “I’m sorry Tingles, I wish I could but you have to understand…”

I didn’t get a chance to finish. With a blast of air, the tangerine mare rocketed skyward and vanished into the morning sunlight. Tiny twinkles of light streaming behind her, the tears brought about by my betrayal of my friend. Damn it all to hell, what the fuck was I doing here, stuck in a field on a hillside? Why couldn’t things just work out for once, just for fucking once?!

Straining against the sunlight, there was no chance of following her flight path. I hadn’t realised I’d been holding in my breath either and released it in a rush.

“I’m sorry Tingles”, I murmured to myself more than anyone.

Aunt Pewter picked up the saddle packs and placed them on my back, “She’ll be back Nephew, never fear. She’s just upset at the moment, Celestia’s children are never encouraged to see reality for what it really is. Goddess knows, in some ways, I wish she’d been right.”

Well that was a surprise, normally the old bugger hated Celestia with a passion. Was she finally warming up to her? No, of course not, auntie was too set in her ways for that, but she was knowledgeable and that was what I needed now.

We set off down the track back to the cabin, Pewter careful of her footing and trying to avoid the low branches. She came alongside me and spoke in a low voice, a tone that struck me as quite different from usual, as if she were addressing an equal.

“I suppose you want to know whether you can get rid of this thing don’t you.”

I nodded, “Yes auntie”

“Maybe at first you could have, but not now. The spirit is a part of you, like a drop of paint mixing into a tin of another colour, the two are inseparable. I can’t give you much help to control the spirit Fairlight, the old goat was right about that at least, but I can tell you what I know.”

I listened as the mare continued to explain,

“Not all the Lord’s people died that day; in nearly every disaster, there is a survivor. One who ran farther, maybe faster than the others, or who could hide better. Who can say? One such survivor found and rescued some of the books and scrolls in the ruins of the library, before the Celestian’s razed the last of the fortress to the ground.”

She sighed, “When I think of how much knowledge was lost…such an act of sacrilege. Anyway, the books were passed down from generation to generation until myself. I have no further descendants Fairlight, when I die, the books pass to you.”

I shook my mane, it was beginning to make some sense, “But why auntie? Why me? Passed down, I can understand, but are you saying we’re descended from the pony who rescued the books?”

“That’s precisely what I’m saying”, she replied, “The pony who recovered the books was called Herath, he was…”,

“WAIT!”, I near shouted, stopping aunt Pewter in her tracks, “Say that name again”

“Herath? He was the one who found the books”

“He was the one who took the Lords son to safety! I thought he was dead, Maroc thought he was dead. My goddesses Auntie, don’t you see what this means?”

“Vela survived…”

“Yes!”

Aunt Pewter stayed silent for a while, magicking out her long clay pipe. After expertly loading it, she held it in her teeth and I conjured a flickering flame for her to light the tobacco. We had come to a halt under some trees and I could just make out the cottage some ways below us, it wouldn’t take long to get back at a normal pace, but auntie was no young filly.

Taking a deep mouthful of the smoke, she exhaled luxuriously, “What did you notice of the wendigo’s Fairlight, their people?”

I scratched my head, plopping down on my haunches to get comfy, “Well, the wendigo’s all looked like me when I…change.”

She nodded.

“And, the rest of the ponies, they weren’t wendigo’s at all, they were just normal ponies. The Lord’s son was a pony, and he kind of looked like…”

I looked at Aunt Pewter. Her eyes, slightly dulled with age, were still a rich yellow, her grey coat like mine, a silvery dark grey colour. Her mane was white, but I remembered it had been black when I was young, like mine, a family trait. Like Vela’s, like the warriors, like the butler…”

“Auntie! They were all unicorns and looked alike too; grey coats with yellow eyes, like you. Like me too, except my eyes were brown before this thing latched onto me. What does all this mean, are we all interbred or something?”

The thought was like an ice pick in my head. Was I the product of generations of inbreeding? I did a quick check of my legs, still four, thank Luna. Pewter saw me looking and slapped my foreleg,

“Don’t be disgusting, of course not. Unicorns have always been magical creatures, but some of us strove to attain more, to be able to use the old magics, the creation magic from the beginning of the world. Many believed that it was a fruitless search and simply gave up, others continued but as part of that quest, they only married other unicorns to keep the chance of producing a talented unicorn foal as high as possible.

“At some point, one tribe found a way to commune with spirits from the plane we know as the Wither World.”

I nodded, I knew that place all too well.

Auntie continued, “They welcomed the spirits to them, communed with them, accepted them. They gladly shared their own spirit with those of the Wither world, allowing the wendigo’s to stay in the mortal realm in exchange for the use of their power.

“Over time, the interaction between the spirits and the ponies produced an anomaly, the grey coat and yellow eyes of our ancestors. Why, I don’t know, and the books never mentioned anypony being interested in finding out, only that it became a mark of honour, identifying those who eventually became know as a tribe of warriors.

“The wendigo spirits would only enter those who they deemed worthy. There were many references to rituals and selections that an acolyte would need to pass before being selected. To become a wendigo warrior was a great honour and privilege.

“The families and other members of the tribe, occasionally, brought in those who sought to become one with the spirits if they showed the right character and aptitude. Soon, they too would find themselves changing. Only a few would become truly one with the spirits. These were marked with the blue eyes and lightning flash of the Wither World.”

Auntie paused taking a pull on her pipe and leaning back against a tree.

“I think you can piece together the rest nephew.”

I watched my unusual relative smoking her pipe, blowing the occasional smoke ring into the morning air of the woodland, “You, me, mum, we’re all descendants from that tribe. Are you saying it not just the act of actually entering the Wither world which attracted one of the spirits to me, but that I was descended from this particular tribe of unicorns?”

She nodded, regarding me with her yellow eyes, “I believe so, as we don’t know what the old rituals were or how candidates were selected. Sadly, that text was not recovered. Fairlight, do you see now why you must never divulge your heritage to others, especially to the…‘princess’.”

“But Luna knows and she leads Equus. Even as Celestia’s sister, surely she would be running a risk herself by hiding my identity, regardless of her desire for me to help Equestria.” I reasoned.

“Pah!”, Auntie spat on the ground, “Luna is a child, no longer the great princess of the night she once was. Reduced to nought but a puppet of the puppet master herself, ’Celestia’”

“I warn you my nephew, do not put too much faith in the protection of the younger princess, if it came to a choice to either surrender you to her sister or defy her, which do you think she would choose?”

She was right, Luna loved her sister, of that there was no doubt. But even so, Celestia had banished her for a thousand years. How would she react to her younger sister protecting a creature she had once used to challenge her rule. A creature whose kind the princess of the sun had attempted the extermination of and, I suspected, believed she had succeeded in.

I sat in silence for a while, listening to the birds and the clicking of insects amongst the trees. Aunt Pewter yawned and tapped out her pipe on a hoof before putting it back in a protective case. Watching her, I could see my own mother, the same grey coat, the mane, the eyes. I missed her so much. Mum never mentioned any of this to me. In some ways I wished she had, but I could also see why she’d kept it a secret.

Despite all of this, it was still not much more than an interesting lesson in my family’s history and lineage. Revealing it may be important historically, but I was potentially still at risk from this thing if I didn’t learn to control it somehow. My ancestors had managed to do it and as a descendant of them, hopefully I’d inherited some ability to do so. Otherwise…damn it, I didn’t want to start thinking about.

“Auntie…”, I began. She looked up at me, “hmmm?”

It was worth a shot, “Do you think there’s any chance the books, scrolls, whatever they were, may have survived in the fortress after all this time?”

She gave me an odd look, “No. Celestia destroyed it, and before you try and go off on some insane quest to see for yourself, let me tell you now, its gone.”

“Gone?”

“Reduce to rubble, Nephew. I know because I tried looking for it and there’s nothing in the mountains but rocks and boulders, fog, mist and that damned forest which surrounds it.”

“You searched for it? Why?”

“Because I was young and foolish, that’s why. I had some romantic notion of finding more books to help me regain the ‘lost knowledge of the wendigo’”, she gestured dramatically, her voice dripping with sarcasm, “I found nothing.”

“If you found nothing, then…”

“Because there was nothing left! That thrice cursed bitch princess destroyed every last trace, don’t you see? Damn it all Fairlight, let it drop, there’s nothing there and even if there was, do you think a book would last in snow, ice and wet for a millennia? Of course not.”

I still couldn’t get my head around Celestia being this ‘bitch princess’ that Pewter despised so much. She appeared to have developed her hatred of her by reading the books, the histories of the tribe from whom we were apparently descended.

“Auntie, how did you know about the destruction of the fortress, was there a diary of some kind? Some clue left by Herath maybe?”

She nodded, “Perceptive. Yes, he left a diary, but not like you’re thinking. It was more of a note, explaining what had happened after the battle had ended and the end of the wendigo’s fortress. There was no mention of the child, only that the fortress had fallen, the books had been recovered and that the bearer of the books should protect the memory of the tribe.”

“A bit sad auntie, ‘protecting a memory’. It sounds to me like he’d given up on restoring the wendigo’s, and I’d guess that he didn’t mention Vela in case someone else found the books and note”.

Aunt Pewter sighed, “You can’t blame him for wanting ponies to give up on searching for the power the wendigo spirit can offer you. The princess would have hunted them down and slaughtered them to protect her precious utopia.”

“And Vela?” I queried.

“Dead long ago, whether in the pass or rescued by Herath, who can say. You and I could well be their great, great whatever, grandfoals. It doesn’t really matter.”

“So what does matter auntie?” I asked, “This knowledge is interesting but ultimately worthless, I’m sorry but its true.”

She shook her head, “Knowledge is never pointless Fairlight, you just don’t see the whole picture yet. I know it’s a cliché but you cant build a house without foundations or else the whole structure will be weakened. Know your past, understand who you are.” Pewter clopped me on the shoulder, “The rest is up to you now.”

We reached the bottom of the hill and passed from the shade into full sunshine. The blessed warmth of the sun on my coat was blissful and I felt like having a good roll in the grass. Damn it, I would too!

“Auntie?”, I asked, a foalish grin on my face, “would you have any objection to me…?”

She chuckled and shook her mane, picking up the saddle bags in her magic and trotting to her door. Watching her go, I had a quick look round before flopping down onto the ground and rolling, covering both sides liberally in loose dry grass and goodness knows what else. It felt fantastic. Ponies didn’t like others to see them do this and adults were meant to frown upon it, but how could you turn your nose up at something so…natural?

Tension and stress, knotted muscles and months of fear and misery, disappeared in the unrestrained act of sheer indulgence. Some small grassy particles got stuck in my nose and I blew them out with a snort, resting on my back, my forelegs facing skyward.

The blue heavens above me, dotted with wispy white clouds made me think back to my time with Meadow, Shadow and Sparrow. In the room that was not a room, a doorway to the land of the eternal herd, golden wheat, laden fruit trees, blue sky and the sun on your back. I had some of that here, except the company of a loving mare. Or ‘mares’ for that matter.

I thought of Sparrow Song, my little foal. Her buzzing wings were not strong enough to hold her weight yet, but I so wanted to see her first flight. With time being different between here, the mortal plane, the eternal herd and the withers, it could be years before she saw me next. Or moments. Goddesses, I didn’t want to think of this, but she would see her father again, I would see my wife again and my Shadow. All of us would be together. I would make it happen somehow, this wendigo thing had to be good for something.

In the midday sunlight, I could feel my heartbeat slowing, my eyes beginning to close. Just a few minutes, it couldn’t hurt and I’d wake up to find Tingles back and Auntie fussing with a few provisions for our trip back. I had to be back at work in two days, so i couldn’t delay too long. I yawned, Luna it was so warm…