Morning brought with it a cacophony of noise. There was a constant bustle of ponies rushing to collect equipment, last minute team updates, the list went on. The TED was a constant chatter of information and I switched it to another channel dedicated to our own, Epsilon, the back-up team. It was a little disappointing to be sure, after all, we’d trained ourselves well and were working together better as a team now. At least, I hoped we were a lot better than we had been at the coffee shop debacle. Nutcase ponies not withstanding.

My sleeping buddy had gone off to the showers already and I had packed my gear ready to set off. Warlock knocked on the door, three other agency ponies and Tingles bringing up the rear.

“All set Nox?” he asked gruffly.

“All set sir, ready when you are.”

He nodded, “Ok everypony, lets shift flank. They may not need us, but we’d better be ready in case they do. Agent Tingles, you’re pilot on this jaunt.”

She nodded and we made our way to the landing area.

Within a few hours we were landing on the outskirts of Ponyville, the sun barely a glimmer on the horizon. An image of Celestia in slippers and sipping cocoa while yawning popped into my head and I sniggered aloud.

“Something funny Nox?” Warlock asked, a look of disdain on his face.

“No sir, just thinking its been a while since I was here last. Some good memories.”

He didn’t speak, but just sat there watching me. Bloody hell that was creepy, did he know something I didn’t?

The stallion huffed and looked away, definitely not in his good books. Bollocks to him, the bloody arse.

A voice crackled over the TED, it was Tingles, “Ponies we are approaching target location, ETA, three minutes, no sign of activity but stay frosty everypony. No trigger happy incidents here, this is Celestia’s pet’s home remember.”

Celestia’s pet? She had that funny looking bird didn’t she? I’d seen a picture of it in the paper one morning. Ah, never mind, they lived in a different world here. I had always been on the fringe after all, I mean, who needed a watch pony in a place where no crime happened. Literally, no crime! ‘I lost my dictionary’, or ‘someone stole a cupcake’ does NOT qualify as crime! Especially as the ‘thief’ would come back later because they had remembered they’d forgotten to pay. Goddess almighty, I’d been bored senseless here.

The carriage alighted on the ground with a light jolt, probably due to the extra load in the back. ‘Probably Warlocks huge arse weighing us down’, I thought snidely. He lead the way out of course, the five of us following. Fuck me, this reminded me of the warehouse job, the dark sky, the dawn, waiting to arrive, and us, waiting for a signal. In this case, one that probably wouldn’t be needed.

We stood there on station, weapons loaded and gear ready. The TED chattered constantly,

“Alpha Team, area secured, holding position”
“Beta Team, in position and watching for hostiles”
“Gamma Team, standing by”
“Delta Team, standing by”

Warlock held a hoof up to his TED, “Epsilon Team, standing by. Gamma and Delta Teams move in.”

We could see the post office clearly from where we were stationed. The hay bales were conveniently positioned to afford us cover and have us near to hoof, in case we were needed quickly. So far, so good…

We watched Gamma and Delta storm the post office, shrieks and the occasional muffled shout were all we heard across the TED until a loud bang from the building made us all jump. There was no mistaking that noise.

“Warlock here, what’s going on in there people?”

“Sir, one of the postal workers has barricaded himself in the strong room with a mail mare, he’s threatening to kill her unless we let him walk.”

Warlock spat, “Nopony walks away, agent, I’m on my way. Epsilon, lets move out.”

We trotted across the cobbled street and straight in past two of the agents on guard. Inside, black suited ponies ran detectors across the mail, opening some and tossing suspect packages into a wheeled basket. One of the agents waved us over to the steps to the basement where the strong room was located,

“Down here sir, we don’t know his name, the only other pony in here this morning was a grey mare. He grabbed her and took her into the strong room. He’s armed, be careful.”

“Anypony hurt?”, the orange stallion asked.

“No, Agent Lumier was lucky though, either that or he’s just a bad shot”

We approached the entrance hall to the strong room, it was open slightly with the stallion inside occasionally peeking out. From the back came the occasional muffled whimper. The mail mare I suspected. The smell of fear was all pervasive, I suspected it to be more from the cornered stallion than the mare. I took Warlocks shoulder, “Can you feel it? He’s scared witless. In this state he’s liable to do something crazy, we need to calm him down somehow”

Warlock barely looked at me and I had the impression I’d been dismissed out of hoof.

“Get hold of the manager and find out who he is, get names, family, quickly!”

Delta teams officer had overheard the conversation, “You, agent Nox isn’t it? Do you have any negotiation skills?”

“Some, yes.”

He turned to Warlock, “We don’t have time to fuck about Warlock, send your pony in to deal with this. If there’s no joy in the next thirty minutes, we’re gassing him out.”

I didn’t know who he was but Warlock listened to him and nodded before addressing me,

“Okay Nox, this is you chance to show us what you can do. Fuck up and we’ll be taking you home in a body bag.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence” I replied sarcastically. I had thought Warlock had warmed to me a little but his personality just clashed with mine far too much. Edging to the corner of the hall I shouted to the pony in the room beyond,

“Hey friend, whats your name?”

“Fuck off!”

“My names Nox, Mister Off, or should I just call you Fuck instead? We can use first names here cant we?”

“You smart arse bastard! You want me to blow this pretty little fillies head off? DO YOU!?”

“I’m sure you don’t really want to buddy, after all, you do that and you may as well shoot yourself. These guys will do it too, they’re pretty pissed off with you right now”

“I’ve already told you”, he called out, “get your goons to fuck off or else. I want a sky carriage and I’m taking my hostage with me.”

“Okay, you’ll get the carriage, but let the filly go and you can have me as a hostage instead.”

“Yeah right! What a load of shit, you’ll try to trick me, I’m not that fucking stupid”

“Fine, have it your own way, I’ll give you until five and then I’m coming in there and I’ll gut you like a fish. One”

“You take a step and I’ll kill her!”

“No problem, Two”

“You bastard! I’ll fucking do it”

“Go ahead, she’s got no family and you’ll die too, Three”

I heard the weapon ‘click’, the voice panicked, “I’m warning you…”

Warlock grabbed my shoulder, “What the fuck are you doing Nox? He’ll kill her!”

I brushed his hoof off me, “Not long now mister off, you want me to send flowers to someone?”

“What…?”

“Four”

“OKAY! For fucks sake, okay, you can come over, but you leave everything there. No weapons, no nothing, understand? And I want a fucking sky carriage!”

“Sure friend, let the filly go and you can have me as a hostage.”

“Okay ‘friend’, come on in and join the party”

I removed my coat and equipment, making a show of placing the pistol on the floor.

“I’m coming over, hold your fire I’m unarmed”

A hoof waved beckoning me in from the door to the strong room. As I reached it, a lime green unicorn slammed me up against the wall, the muzzle of a pistol jammed into my forehead.

“One move, one FUCKING MOVE and I’ll paint the wall with your brains, agency puppet, you get me?”

“Oh yeah, I get you friend. Say, why don’t you tie me up, that’ll make you feel better wont it? Theres some binding there from the post bags”.

He looked quizzically at me, “Why’d you say that?”

I gave him my friendliest smile, “Because you want to leave, I want to leave too. Both of us, unharmed, and if this helps calm you down, I’m happy for you to do it.”

He shoved me into a chair and began to bind my legs to the furniture, the grey mare next to me peering at me with her unusual eyes. I thought I’d seen her before! I’d make her my first priority.

The stallion finished tying my bonds, “There, trussed up like a roast”

“Great!”, I said approvingly, “Now let the mare go and you’ll get your sky carriage!”

“No, I don’t trust you. You’re up to something, I’m changing the game ‘buddy’. I’m taking you both and then I can shoot one of you and use that to lever your friends into letting me go. Two birdies for the price of one!”

He laughed, showing me his pristine white teeth, ones I’d like to kick down his throat. “Good thinking there my friend, you’ve got me beat. The guy you need to talk to is Warlock, he’s the big orange fucker hiding behind the wall. Tell him I sent you.”

The pony laughed, wiping a sweaty foreleg on his mail shirt, “Yeah…yeah I’ll do that, but the slightest glow from that horn of yours and you’ll go first, capeesh?”

I smiled and nodded, winking at the terrified mare next to me.

The stallion walked to the door, pistol raised and shouted over to the assembled agency ponies, “Hey you fuckers! Yeah, you…the big orange bastard, Warlock isn’t it? I’ve got your fuckwit pal and the bitch here, you don’t get me that sky carriage and I’ll kill one of them to show you I mean business”

Warlock shouted something back, but I couldn’t hear it. I was concentrating on other things…

“I’ve fucking had it up to here with you wankers. That’s it!”, he screamed at Warlock, “I’ve warned you, now I’m going to blow this…fuckers…”

He slowed, looking down at the sparkling white mist swirling around his hooves. Without a word he turned to look at me, the frozen remnants of rope, cracking and dropping on the floor.

I shook the last pieces off as his eyes bulged, “What ! Wha…what the fuck !”

Smiling, I stretched my legs, “And there I was thinking you didn’t like first name terms, mister off.”

“Ah ! Fuck, fuck, FUCK!”, he screamed firing off several shots directly at my head. Every round hit a solid wall of crystalline ice, before dropping harmlessly onto the ground. His weapon gave a click and his eyes widened in shock.

“Oh dear, Fuck. Do you mind if I call you Fuck?”, I took off my sunglasses, “You can call me Nox if you like, after all…”, I could feel my teeth growing, their sharp points poking up like mountain peaks above the mist dripping between them, “…we’re such good friends now aren’t we?”

“Celestia! What are you! What the fuck are you!”, he shrieked.

I laughed, “Oh don’t be coy, Fuck, I’ve come a long way to play with you today. But if you want to know ‘what’ I am, don’t worry, there’ll be plenty of time to find out in hell”

“Oh Goddesses! NO!”, the terrified stallion threw his empty firearm at me impotently and charged out the door followed my echoing laughter. Great Luna, it was GOOD to be alive!

Warlock appeared around the door, by which time I had relinquished my hold on the spirit and the ice around the mail mare was disappearing quickly. I shook my mane and helped cut her bonds. With a cry of…something…she ran out the door and was accosted by Tingles, who took her under a wing to another room.

The big orange stallion approached me, “I don’t like your methods Nox.”

“You have your prisoner, don’t you sir? It may have been unorthodox but the result is what mattered, and nopony was hurt”.

“You’re dangerous and reckless Nox, the Mistress may approve of you but I don’t! Get your gear and help clean up the mess upstairs.”

“What about the portal?” I asked.

“Its been secured, you don’t need to worry about that now. Its all in hoof. Go.” He dismissed me with a wave of his hoof.

By the doorway, the delta team officer clopped me on the shoulder, “Damned good work Nox! Don’t know what you said or did in there, but he shit himself…quite literally. We’ll have to hose him off before he gets in the carriage, but a top job my young friend.”

I blushed and several other ponies congratulated me as I headed up the stairs to the upper floor. Tingles glanced at me with a smile from a side room while she poured a cup of tea for the mail mare and offered her a muffin. That seemed to perk her up a bit.

“You both okay?”, I called in gently from the doorway. She nodded. The grey mare watched me intently with…one of those eyes I suppose, before letting out a ‘sqwee’ and lunging at me. The little grey Pegasus mare hugged me, her wings flapping happily and covering my coat in muffin crumbs. We all laughed, more in relief I think than anything else, until Tingles sat the mare back down and waved me out with a twinkle in her green eyes.

Upstairs, some of the agents were still sifting parcels. One of the packages caught my eye, in fact several of them. Big parcels at that. Searching around, I found a packing knife and carefully opened one of them. Inside was a fine white powder, like flour almost but with a peculiar tinny smell that made my nose itch furiously. Breeze, and a lot of it. There had to be tens of thousands of bits worth in there. Replacing the string, I hoofed the box to the agent and went back down to the office with Tingles and the bubbly grey mare, “Hey there miss, I was wondering if you could do me a favour?”