My arrival was quick and Velvet seemed happy to see me, but she took a good look and her smile faded a bit, giving a low whistle while her brows raised. “Damn, Max, you look like you’ve been put through the wringer. Kinda… Wobbly there, y’know?” I chuckled at that and she carried on. “So how was the mission? Can you say much or are ya still some kind of tryin’ to keep quiet about it? Doesn’t look like ya had much of a snatch and dash, even if ya did come home quicker than I thought ya would.” I could’ve sworn the Southern in your voice was gentler when I left, but I’m digging it.

“Shit, the mission went fine in and of itself, but Lupa here,” I patted her back and she yawned, “helped me out without needing to do any infil. Would you happen to know a solid place for a guy to catch some Z’s? I think I got a few more hours in me, but I’m not up for much at the moment.”

“I know of a couple places, but what happens if I keep ya here with me?” She teased, smiling. “Other than those bags on your eyes and some dust, ya look pretty decent.”

“I’d have to ask you toss me on Lupa eventually. I’m pretty sure she could carry me wherever I need to go as long as I promised her a good meal for the favour. How about it, pupper?” I stroked Lupa’s head, her tongue lolling about as she tried to play dumb.

“I don’t think she heard you.” Velvet giggled.

I mock sighed. “Uh-huh, she heard me, she just doesn’t want to tire herself out anymore than she already has.” I rubbed her ears and she nudged me with her head. “Thanks for the assistance anyway, Lupa.” I looked back to Velvet. “Oi, could you get a message to Princess Sassypants? Er, I mean Luna?”

“... Sassypants.” The Night Guard bit her lip and raised a brow.

“She’s sassy. Mostly mean, but it’s all sass from that ass.”

“I wouldn’t let her hear ya say shit like that. She’s punished folk for less. I’ll get that note to her though, whenever ya do decide to write it.”

I put my satchel on Lupa’s back and she stared at me, practically saying, ‘You know I can still eat you, right?’ with her eyes. “Don’t look at me in that tone of voice, you didn’t have to do much if any running in the last two days. I’m not walking to a damn desk.” She growled as I got some paper out and shifted around. “Oi! Stand still, ya lout!”

Velvet had herself another giggle. “Y’all make a great pair, even if ya are some kinda goofy.”

I rolled my eyes and finished the note, passing it off to Velvet and getting my satchel off Lupa’s back. “Heh, I was told not too long ago that we’d make a great stand-up act, but a lot of people are really petrified by pupper here. What time is it, anyway?”

“We’re gettin’ on in the wee hours of the mornin’. Sunrise ain’t too far away, cutie.”

“Well damn, I didn’t think there was that much of a time difference between here and Farrier. I’d ask you to change that to Celestia, but I’m sure she’s still pissed at me. You never did say anything about a place I could lay my head outside of the castle.”

“I don’t know about many that would accept a pony like yourself, since, y’know, you’re not a Pony...” She frowned, then snapped her fingers smiling once more, “With the seal of a Guard or one an Operative you could probably get a room at one of the barracks. There’s plenty of spare beds, though I can’t say they’re very comfy, and I don’t know if they’d let you keep your dog with you.”

I let the dog comment slide. “I don’t mind a bad bed, and fuckin’ racism. I knew there was a reason I hated being in Canterlot other than my house in Ponyville.” I could almost feel my miniscule reserves of energy fading fast. “Shit, almost wish I could just take a train and head… Well, I guess it is home.” I shrugged, rubbing my neck.

“Yeah, ‘round these parts, if you don’t have money or aren’t one of the Princesses chosen few, you don’t get very far. Especially if you’re not a Pony in Canterlot. It’s bad enough bein’ from a different part of the country, but it honestly just gets worse for non-Ponies. I’d say you’re probably in the worst possible city to be in Equestria with your situation right now.” She gave me a pitying look and a nudge to my shoulder.

I rolled my eyes and scoffed. “Fuck ‘em. With people like you and the Night Guards around, the place could still be worse. I mean, Ponyville’s a nice enough, accepting little town, but I guess I should’ve assumed that the mood in the castle was the same for the rest of the city. Always exceptions to the rule, and I guess it ought to be common knowledge that big cities attract big arses.”

“Are you tryin’ to say somethin’, cutie? Cause my flank ain’t big.” She folded her arms and gave me a measured, precise pout.

“Yeah, sure. If you want to say your bum is less attractive than it really is, go ahead.”

“Bigger isn’t always better!”

“Yeah, but big and perfectly round?”

She blushed and rolled her eyes. “Well, at least I know where you’ll be looking if I walk in front of you.”

“At the back of your head so I can read your thoughts?” I tilted my head and gave her a funny look.

“You’re such a goof, y’know that?”

“H-How am I a goof? What else would I be doing while walking behind you?”

“... Were you being serious about reading my mind?”

“Yeah, it only works when I’m looking at the back of someone’s head. Doesn’t everyone do that?”

Velvet stared at me and turned around. “Okay, what am I thinking of?”

“Oh, I hope Max grabs my bum!”

She faced me again and smiled. “Okay, not exactly it, but close enough. That’s actually pretty handy for the right circumstance.”

I couldn’t help but crack up. “You what?”

Her smile turned into a smirk. “It takes two for the real silliness to come out.”

“Does that mean I should’ve cop a feel at my leisure? I won’t now because you’re at work and technically so am I, but you know how these things go.”

She raised her brows. “You think you’re getting somewhere when you said I have a big flank?”

“Are you butthurt? Do I need to kiss it and make it better? Because I will. I fuckin’ will.”

“Oh my gosh, I ain’t met too many stallions willin’ to talk to a mare like you do.”

“You know I only get away with it because I’m cute, right?” At least that’s what gals say.

“And you know what lines not to cross, from what I can tell. Boundaries are important. Most stay far away from the line and the ones that don’t cross it way too much. You hoof that sucker and teeter over the edge with that stupidly cute little smile ‘a yours.” She did the thing she mentioned and I couldn’t help but blush.

“If we’re talking smiles, then yours is too warm and inviting to ignore. Makes a guy feel right at home.”

“Really? A lot of ponies say I’m smiley, but nopony’s ever said that.”

“I find that easy to believe. Most of you fellows don’t really pay much attention to expressions as far as I can tell. Unless someone’s being overly hostile, a lot of Ponies seem to miss the whole point.”

“Well, we big-city folk can sure tell when someone’s bein’ genuine, and you were more serious about likin’ my smile than you were about my flank.” She placed her thumb against her lips while my face heated up even more.

“Well, how bout you shush before I start being as bad as I say I am?”

“Ooo~ Bad colts have their place too.”

I shrugged. “Who knows? I mean, when I’m good, it’s good, but when I’m bad, it’s better.”

“I don’t think you really have a mean bone in your body for a pony that don’t show ya no ill will.”

“I really don’t, but don’t go around saying shite like that. People might actually start thinking I’m nice or something.” I shuddered voluntarily.

Velvet rolled her eyes, smiling at me some more in a way that made me want to either hug her or give her one of the best kisses I could offer. However, I was dirty, covered in dried sweat, and I didn’t want her to smell the badness on my skin. Even if I hadn’t known Velvet too long, she seemed like a friendly type to me. A little more than friendly if her proposition from our first meeting was anything to go on, and doubly so for practically inviting me to have a peep at her posterior. A pleasant sort all the same, and I could feel myself well and truly on that rebound. She struck me as a kind, sincere woman and reminded me of someone I couldn’t put my finger on, but it was Velvet herself that had charmed me. It didn’t hurt that she really was the smiley type, and it seemed to be her default expression. I was terribly fond of the smile she wore when she was just saying hello, and the one she had when she was flirting. However, the smile she gave me when we started talking about more than a quick romp was enchanting in a different way.

We started talking about all sorts of things that came to mind, but she maintained course on me and my mean streak for awhile, marking me as a sweetheart with a spicy side that she wouldn’t mind seeing. I, in turn, asked why she became a Guard with a disposition as friendly as hers, and she said, “Well thank you, but most of the Night Guards are like me. We might look more intimidating than the Day Guards, but that just means we try harder to be friendlier. To a certain point, it kinda just sticks with you.”

“Right. And you were all bitter-biscuits before you became a Guard.”

She had a giggle at that. “Mm, ya might’ve not liked me as much back then. Speakin’ of, aren’t you a little young for a mare my age?”

“Aren’t you like, twenty-something?” I gave her a look. She gave it right back, folding her arms. “What? I didn’t do anything!”

“Oh my gosh, you’re bein’ serious.”

“... Yeah? I don’t know ages automatically like you Ponies do.”

“So you’re sayin’ I look… How old?”

I examined her face a bit more closely. Her round, expressive eyes and somewhat diamond-y jawline went well together. The fact that her eyes were a light, sky blue just made her eyes pop that much more and the shallow Cupid’s Bow to her plump, smoochable lips made me think of an African-Caucasian mix that went pretty well with the amused grin that was on them. “... Shite, bein’ honest, I wouldn’t put you more than four or five years over me.”

“I’m thirty-five.”

My jaw dropped. “What!? No way!”

“Believe it, cutie.”

“You’re bullshitting; You have to be adding years. I could believe thirty on a gullible day, but you-”

“Oh my gosh, if you flatter me anymore, I’m gonna break protocol and either hit ya or kiss ya. I really am halfway through my thirties.”

“Well, it explains… Nothing, actually…” I rubbed my temple with a thumb. “Yeah, that really doesn’t make sense, but okay.”

“Like I said, you’re too sweet to be all that spicy.” Lupa was lying down at my feet and gave something between a growl and a snort at that. “Okay, what’s that mean?”

“It means I talk and do some stuff that make me a lot less sweet than you think I am. I’m apparently not the only flatterer here.”

“Well, I still think you’re just about the sweetest, friendliest stallion I done seen in the past couple a’ years. Your little fillyfriend don’t know what she’s tossin’ out the window.”

“The way you’re talking, it’s like you think I’m falling into your lap.” I rolled my eyes and smirked at her.

Velvet patted- Oh! The grey lady from Day Court! Her name wasn’t Vellocet, it was Velvet something! In any case, the Velvet in front of me patted her thighs. “Ya say that like ya wouldn’t enjoy being cuddled like the cozy critter ya are.”

“Maybe when I’m not still covered in salty sweat and dirt, I might wander over somewhere comfy. Speaking of, I gotta find somewhere to crash.” I inhaled deeply and let the oxygen wake me up a bit. “Damn, I’m fuckin’ wiped. Not like an arse, but like a blackboard.”

“As long as you’re clean, aaand...” Velvet began.

“Yes?” I raised a brow and leaned forward a bit

“You could always spend the night at my place. I get off when the sun rises today if you think you can wait another…” She looked up and behind me. “Another thirty minutes. I don’t have too many ponies over, but I got the space to keep ya ‘comfy’ for a spell.”

I may or may not have blushed a little. “Sounds like a fun time to me, though I can’t promise I’d be awake too long. It’s been a wild…” I turned and checked the clock. “What day is it?”

“Starday hits this mornin’.”

And Hearthday was three days prior. “... Holy shit, I’ve been up for damn near seventy hours. I’m about to be useless.”

She giggled. “Well, all I expected ya to do when we got there is shower and sleep, so don’t push yourself on my part, Sweetie Pie.”

“I still might try and snuggle you, to be honest. I always have energy to snuggle.”

Velvet giggled again. “You sure are some kinda goofy. I know Guards that’ll drop after two days, let alone three.”

“I’m sure you do. Meanwhile, is there a place I can get off of my feet for the meantime?”

“Your what now?”

I pointed downwards. “Feet. Like hooves, but with little finger-like appendages.”

“Oh, you mean like Monkeys and Dragons?”

“I guess you could call me a Great Ape, but I ain’t no monkey, love.”

“Are you sure? You kinda look like a shaved monkey to me, not that I've seen one outside of a book.”

“All natural, believe me. No shaving necessary for the most part except for the hard to see places. And the face.” I scratched at the scruff that had grown since the last time I’d shaved. It was coming in faster than usual and more even at that.

“Hm? Well, come to think of it, ya didn’t have that fuzz last time I saw ya. I guess I don’t have to take your word for it since I can see it. You can have a seat in the over there,” she pointed at a perfectly fine-looking bench against a wall that was further away than I wanted it to be, “while I burn time.”

“We’ve already been talking for a good while, so why don’t you come and keep me company while looking busy whenever someone comes in?”

Velvet scoffed playfully. “I’ve caught the colt that comes in on days flirtin’ with anypony who even bothers comin’ in durin’ his hours. We got an understanding he better stick to.”

“And that is?”

“Don’t come after me and my tail and we’ll be just fine. Already had to hit him once.”

I looked at her biceps and triceps. “Ow. You look like you hurt in a bad way.”

“What can I say?” She grinned devilishly. “When I’m bad, I’m better~”

I walked over to the bench and she ended up sitting with me, explaining that it was mostly Operatives and Guards that used the stations and that she only needed to watch for me today. That being said, I was already there and she was happy to have me, so we made the time fly and she complimented me on my ‘unique cologne’. The confusion on my face had her raising her brows at me, and when I said that I hadn’t had a chance to shower after I’d done the majority of the running, she kind of just gave me a look and said I should take the compliment. I didn’t bother being subtle when I smelled myself, the stale smell of sweat greeting me when I did so. It hit me that she was talking about my natural scent and I asked her if it was cherries and chocolate, to which she just gave me another look and puffed out a giggle. Apparently I was fishing for compliments until I explained that I naturally smelled that way to Ponies and had forgotten all about Twilight’s revelation. She then inquired about whether or not I tasted like it too.

I didn’t have an answer for that and said as much, but her time was coming to a close and all she needed to do before we left was do the ‘passdown’ with Maple Lump, the Day Guard that was supposed to take over for her. All in all, the Teleportation Station in Canterlot seemed about as busy as the one in Farrier which is to say that no one other than me and my callipygian friend had even been there over the course of the night. Velvet Breeze explained that it was because most Ponies tended to get a little ill whenever they used long-distance teleportation, and that was the whole purpose of the runes. As it was, Ponies in general hated teleporting enough to pay talented Unicorns to do it for them. The different types of magic felt different enough to make the swap worthwhile to most, and there weren’t a great many Unicorns that could get someone so much as across town without wearing out half of their magic for the day. There were groups of Unicorns, however, that banded together to do cross-country stuff and they charged hefty fees for the trouble they went through.

Speaking of, apparently my estranged squeeze, Twilight Sparkle, was both famous and infamous for her sheer magical capacity in both learning and using the shite. Around Canterlot, Twilight’s exploits were generally common knowledge to the natives who’d lived there when she did and much of the rigmarole around her and the magic she cast was based on her early years of being a Unicorn with nearly no rivals in her sheer power. The stories Velvet told me grew more amusing when she started in on how Twilight had gotten people stuck in walls, cast scrying spells at bad times, and generally made Celestia and teams of strong Unicorns fix her fuckups since she barely knew what she was doing in the first place. I got a giggle out of it until I remembered the hurt look on her face last time I’d seen her, but I put it behind me. I had to ask why Twilight was so well known since Velvet didn’t even know her personally, but Twilight was and still sometimes forgets that she used to be Celestia’s student. She still sends Sunbutt letters and I’ve been told the abridged version of a few of them, but thinking of Twilight led me down a sad path and I ended up telling Velvet that I’d almost dated her, which brought us to how she really was in person. I ended up talking about Twilight for a little too long and the jealousy on Velvet’s face was obvious, but I assured her that Madam Accuser was too… Immature, to sum it up. She was too inexperienced and immature to really claim my heart, but Velvet mentioned that I’d had a little grin on my face and seemed awfully at home when talking about the purple nut.

I couldn’t deny that, but I know for a fact I don’t have a crush on her, dammit.

The time passed quickly as we talked, and though the exhaustion made me drag my feet, there was nothing that could have made my time with Velvet much better. Lupa had taken a quick nap and moved somewhat sluggishly before we finally landed at Velvet’s flat, which was actually very nice. It was a brownstone/townhouse with more space inside than out, and I really fell in love with Velvets simplistic, neo-old-school decor. There wasn’t a lot of it and there was plenty of wallspace that she said she was meaning to fill, but I had to ask what she was going to do with such a perfect layout already. She was surprised when I admitted to liking her tastes and the amount of decor she’d gone with, so she backpedaled and admitted that she thought I was more of a small-town, ‘fill it to the brim’ kind of guy and that she’d wanted to play to my tastes.

If I knew more about architecture and decor in general, I’d go further into detail, but frankly, I thought I was lucky to even recognize it for what it was. There were plenty of spaces for Lupa to have a lie-down, but me? I went straight to Velvet’s shower and started pulling out clothes that I would change into. With no soap or shampoo of my own, the kindly older woman allowed the sketchy young man to use her brother’s stuff that he’d forgotten to pack the last time he visited, though she mentioned that I looked a little more than just tired. There was a look in her eye and a softness to her tone that made me want to ask, but I didn’t particularly pay attention to it. As I’d started undressing, Velvet mentioned that she wouldn’t be far if I needed anything and I wondered just what she was trying to hint at since I rarely missed cues like she was throwing at me. Something about the situation was just plain odd, but in retrospect, I think she knew I needed the time alone more than I did.

The shower got hot fast and was well worthwhile. With the teakwood-scented soap and the minty-freshness of the shampoo and conditioner, I felt like I was practically filling up on petrol and was almost ready to get back into the streets. Maybe into some sheets for non-sleep activities. I always started with my hair, but when I went to do the rest, l found blood underneath my fingernails. It wasn’t until then that I really thought about anything. Shower thoughts didn’t even really hit me so much as just relaxing and enjoying the shower, but when I saw the blood, I dry-heaved since I’d long since digested my last meal. The moments before I’d seen the evidence of my new status as a murderer had been lovely, but…

In moments my mind was plagued by the eyes of the men I had killed, the lives I had snuffed out without so much as a second thought. I didn’t feel guilty about it, but I felt guilty about not feeling guilty if that makes any sense. It made me wonder what kind of demon I had become to kill so quickly and callously only to turn around and live my life like nothing had happened in the first place. I also pondered how I even got blood under my nails until I remembered the Pony whose eye I had put out with a throwing knife. Then I remembered the Gryphon that had still been dripping blood when I’d pulled my knife from his throat. Retrieving those had been grizzly business and I managed to get out of tmy head long enough to end the shower. It took a second to realize why I still felt warm water running down my face. When it hit me, it fucking struck hard and deep, making me grit my teeth and try to level out my breathing as much as I could. Their faces and thew corpses that Lupa had left ran through my head. Two of them were likely going to be closed-casket burials.

All I could think of was the green-eyed creature that had been flinging knives. The shit stain on the trainers that wouldn’t be scraped off. The faggot merde de sang that had gone and got a burger after fucking killing people. I was barely keeping it together and even after I’d dried off and combed through my hair, I still almost made a mistake to let the pain out. I couldn’t make my tears stop falling, nor could I stop the scene from unfolding all over again in my head, time after time. The lives I took. The fact that I walked away with my head held high. I, Maximus/Kaid Gadai, went so long without so much as even trying to regret my actions, and I still didn’t. It wasn’t the self-defense murders that were fucking my head up and I’ve said that before. It’s the fact that the guilt, the shame left me… It was gone before we even hid the bodies. I’d just accepted the gruesome task like I was still back in England, like I’d taken a hit for Salvatore ‘Savage’ Sagiano. At least back in England I mourned for the people I got killed. At least I did something when I heard or read about one of my enemies dying. Here? Here I’d just walked away after killing people for myself, and I hated who I was because of that.

I knew for a fact that it had been less than forty-five minutes when Velvet knocked on the door. There was a clock in the bathroom that told me she had no reason to interrupt, but it might’ve been the lack of water running. I hadn’t made much more than a few short growls while trying to change my mood from heartbroken to angry just so I could get on with my fucking life. It would’ve made me an even worse person than I already felt that I was, but she knocked again and I slipped the mask on as best I could.

“Hey Max, you okay in there, Sweetie Pie?”

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine. Just got caught up looking at myself in the mirror,” I jested through the door. My voice had cracked and I could still feel my eyes watering.

“How about we pick up where we left off?” She asked tenderly. “Sounds like ya might be ready for bed, but I think we can talk a little more, right?”

“Yeah, I’ll be out in a mo’.” I answered more steadily, finally getting the waterworks to stop with some deep breaths. Okay. You’re okay. Bastard. No, no. You’re good. Shite stain. Get a grip. Keep it.

I wiped away the last warm streak on my cheek let the numbness grab me all over again. The first time I’d cried in years that wasn’t due to magic animals and Fluttershy’s house. All because I’d fucked up too bad to take back. I finished with the cloth belt I’d left undone when I’d been staring in the mirror and tried to keep calm and carry on; Stiff upper lip and all that. The inner Brit that kept me spiffing and spanning the lives of the people around me told me to get my head out of my arse and go get some fucking tea. All I wanted was to end the long, horrible day that had dragged on longer than any had a right to, but Velvet wanted some company and I was going to give it to her. A few seconds later and I was sure there would be no more stray tears. I opened the door and stepped out. Velvet was leaning on the left side of the door, chewing on her lip looking worried. I gave her the best smile I could conjure at the moment and she returned it with a concerned one of her own.

“Max,” She said softly, her eyes holding a certain ache in them.

“Ah, wrong guy. My name Jeff.”

“You know, big-city folk are more perceptive than the ponies from my home town, but the small-towners can always tell when a heart’s truly breakin’.”

“... I’m good, Velvet. Just need to get some rest is all.” The mask was askew, but my expressions were still spot on. The cocky smirk I threw her way was met by a sad, knowing grin. “What? You don’t think that Wunderkind himself doesn’t need a nap every now and again?”

“I know we haven’t known each other long, but you can trust me, Sweetie Pie’. You don’t have ta’ keep it all bottled up.”

I nearly lost it right there. Her sincerity touched me deeply, but I still held the lopsided smirk that a lot of women had either loved or hated. Call me whatever you will, but I couldn’t bring myself to confess to her. I couldn’t trust someone with my darkness so soon after being betrayed, after being burned by someone so badly. At least, I sure as fuck didn’t want to let someone in only to get stabbed in the back again. I decided to keep the spoon with the long handle and fed Velvet some bullshit for a moment’s peace.

“Vels, I already trust you. I wouldn’t have even come here if I didn’t. Sounds like someone’s a little tired themselves.” I joked. It sounded a little off to me, but I was hoping she wouldn’t notice.

She didn’t have to. She reached over and wiped a stray tear off of my face. Fuck. “I don’t know why stallions think they can’t share what’s on their minds. Keep it to yourself too long and it’ll eat you right up. Won’t leave much of ya’ behind either.”

“... My problems are my problems, and I’m not dealing with too many right now. I’ve been worse off, Vels, I just need some time to rest and get my head back. I’ll be over it soon enough, don’t you worry, alright?”

She sighed and crossed her arms, giving me an apologetic look that confused the hell out of me. “II can’t make you talk and we both know that, but a stallion with a heart like yours ain’t made for killin’, Max. I know that for a fact, even if you weren’t aware.”

I was blindsided. In hindsight, it must’ve been fairly obvious, but I still wondered how she knew. “... I knew that already, love. It’s a lesson I’m well aware of and one I didn’t want to have to learn myself, but I did and it’s alright.” I wiped away another stray tear, the mask slipping. “I’ll… I’ll be alright, I just-”

“Your eyes are a lot more honest with your feelin’s than you are. It’s eatin’ you Sweetie, and it ain’t gonna leave much behind. I promise I won’t say a word to nopony, just talk to me. This ain’t somethin’ you should have to deal with alone, and I don’t mind sharin’ the burden of a kind, funny guy that needs to rest.”

My voice shook slightly as I spoke. “Last time I trusted someone with my secrets, they threw ‘em in my face, Velvet...”

“I can promise you that I won’t do that to you, Max.” Velvet took my hand. “And I can promise that nothin’ you say will ever leave this house if you don’t want it to. Won’t leave this conversation either, and I’ll keep your secrets. It’s just you and me. Right here, right now.”

I looked down, not able to meet her eyes. “... Velvet, I’m… I a fuckin’ murderer...” I tried to pull my hand away from her. She was stronger than me, so I just squeezed it, tears in my eyes. “I killed four people myself, and there was no need for it. I coulda… I coulda done shit different. They didn’t have to die…”

“Max, I’ve killed a pony myself. A good number of guards have. It’s not somethin’ many of us take pride in, but the only way I was able to look past it, to see myself again, was to talk to somepony. I know what it feels like. I can’t say I know exactly what you’re feelin’, but I been to the same place with that same hole in my heart. Tell me about it. What happened?”

“Velvet…”

“Yes?”

“I know I did what I had to. I already talked to my partner on the job about it.”

“But?”

I took a deep breath and the tears fell freely now. My voice quaked with every syllable. “I didn’t think twice. I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t feel bad about it. We got walked into an ambush… My partner was fuckin’ idiot; wouldn’t listen to reason. I been set up like that before and I knew I coulda… I coulda done something. I didn’t have to follow him. I didn’t have to watch his back. I coulda taken Lupa and ran off to get the mission done because that shite wasn’t a fuckin’ part of it... What kind of creature can see who they used to be when they know that they ended four lives without givin’ a shit?”

“A pony with its back to the wall is dangerous. their instincts come out in ways they never knew possible, and yeah, a lot of ponies get eaten up by the act of killin’ another. Some get eaten ‘cause they can escape the guilt. Some just don’t care and go on about their lives. Some ponies get eaten up because they know they’re supposed to feel bad for takin’ lives and can’t muster up guilt, so they beat themselves senseless and break down at some point. The fact that you’re cryin’, the fact that you’re feelin’ somethin’ about it means you’ve still got a heart, Max. You’re not some devilish bastard for survivin’ and you’re not a beast for killin’ ’em. You’re just a stallion who stayed loyal to the wrong pony and got burned worse than you ever could’ve known other than gettin’ killed yourself. You aren’t wrong for defendin’ yourself. You aren’t wrong for walkin’ away with your chin up instead a’ crashin’ to the ground then and there. Max, ya made it this far off a’ willpower alone. Be proud you saw Starday, because you easily coulda missed the sunrise.”

I shook my head, unable to accept her nearly flawless logic. “There were other ways, Vel... There was something I coulda done to make it come out some other way. I killed four people because I didn’t think. Because I acted and didn’t give a fuck about the damn consequences...” My voice cracked as Velvet embraced me.

“It’s so easy to look over the other options, darlin’. When you’re neck deep in it, you hardly stop to think of all the ways you can dig yourself out, you just claw until you’re clear. It’s not your fault, Max.”

“It is.”

“Those ‘people’ didn’t have to back you up to a wall. They didn’t have to push you to the point where you felt it was necessary to take their lives. Trust that you made the best decision inside that moment, and be thankful you had the stomach to do it. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be here talking, and there would be one less boon to the world at large around to make ponies like me feel like there’s hope for even murderers.”

I had nothing else to say. Everything Velvet had said rang true, and in the warmth of her arms, I let the pain hit my heart head-on, not caring about how bad it made me feel. I didn’t sob. I didn’t wail. I just held her back and breathed, shedding my tears as I needed to and she consoled me through silence and let me rest. It was something I wasn’t fully aware that I’d needed. Prior to the conversation, I’d thought I just needed to let it all out and break down, but when the walls fell, it was quiet and calm. The event was long and arduous, but it wasn’t a great cacophony of pain and remorse. It was a quiet mourning of what I had wanted to avoid and ended up tackling with lethal luck. I don’t know how long she held me, but I do know that we ended up on the couch and we talked some more, but we went through happier memories. We spoke on the times we were fond of, and Velvet got me to laugh as much as she could. I was never laughing at her per se. Even when she let an embarrassing secret slip, I had a chuckle at the way she reacted when she realized she’d said it, not at the secret itself that I won’t record in these pages. We talked until… Shit, like one in the afternoon? I fell asleep with my head on hers and Lupa’s on my lap, so when I woke up, I felt… I felt at home.

Waking up with the room being lit by a lamp meant that it was a little hard to see, but I still got up and went to the bathroom. I’d only slept a handful of hours, but it was more than I usually got and it had been dreamless for once. I knew that I had made the right choice in trusting when I came back to reclaim my place, though Lupa had put her head on Velvet lap and nudged the mare’s leg when I got close looking at me, her thigh, then back at me. Thinking back to the event, I noticed that some of the sting and aches were gone and that my heart wasn’t as full as it was before when I thought about laying down and getting that lap-pillow. My body hurt from the exercise I'd put it through on short notice, but I could breathe without that indomitable weight on my chest and the only thing I wanted was to rest a little while longer.

I laid down like Lupa had gestured for me to and dozed off and on again until I woke once more, realizing that I was considerably flatter than I had been the last time I’d partially awoke. Velvet had gone off somewhere and Lupa was nowhere to be seen. I sat up and popped some joints only to hear the sound of something in the kitchen. It was safe to assume that Velvet was cooking something, probably a dinner-breakfast since it was damn near two in the morning. I got off my lazy bum and stretched the rest of my muscles out, popping, snapping, and cracking like I was trying to get some Ricicles out of my body. The delectable scent of cooking eggs greeted me as I wandered through the living room, feeling more rested than I had in… In a long time. As I looked around, actually taking in my surroundings, I noticed that Velvet had a few pictures of her family members up and I wondered what they were like. If they shared her sunny, smiley disposition, I had a feeling I would like them. Velvet’s abode was actually rather nice, if not a little spartan. I liked the minimalist approach myself, and a few bits and bobs of modern looking furniture were tastefully strewn around her flat. Although I didn’t see anything that would specifically mark the place as decidedly male or female, I rather liked it, to be honest.

Walking into the kitchen had me being greeted with a smile from Velvet herself and a quick couple of snorts from Lupa who immediately started nudging me with her head towards Velvet. I allowed myself to be pushed and chuckled all the way, pushing my big hunk of furry love away when I was a meter or so away from the grey mare. I gave her a smile that I could put my heart behind and received one in turn, her expression warming more so than it already had. It plucked me heartstrings in just the right way, making me grateful that I’d met such and amazing woman in the first place.

“I see somepony’s feeling better,” Velvet chimed

“Thanks to you, love. I owe you for this morning. I owe you a lot.”

“You know what? I might be movin’ soon, so you can pay me back with some helpin’ hands~” She gave me a wink. “You eat eggs?” She pointed at the skillet on the stove.

“I sure do. Thank you, and not just for breakfast.”

“You’re welcome, Sweetie Pie. Ain’t too often I meet a stallion worth the sweet words he says, and I’m willin’ to bet you’re only gonna get sweeter.”

“You might be right about that, Breezey-”

“Breezey?”

“Your smile and vibe is like a warm caress from a cool summer breeze. Breezey.”

“... Okay, I was right.” She pursed her lips, obviously a little surprised. “Wasn’t expectin’ it so soon, but damn, I might have a cavity…”

I rolled my eyes. “Need help with anything?”

“Have a seat, Sweetie. Ain’t no point in you helpin’ with somethin’ as simple as breakfast.”

“If you say so. I make a mean omelette~”

“Hush, you sugar-dumplin’.”

I went to sit down, but Lupa was right behind me, pushing me towards Velvet again. “What do you want, Lupa?” She actually barked for once and looked at Velvet. Velvet and I looked at her, then at each other. “I don’t speak wolf, do you?”

“Nope, don’t believe I do.” Velvet looked at the skillet. “You think she wants some eggs? I gave her some bread and gravy earlier, she might still be hungry.”

Lupa growled. “I don’t think she wants eggs.” I stepped closer to Velvet and Lupa’s tail wagged twice. Another step, another wag. I stepped back and she growled.

“I think she wants you to come over here, Sweetie Pie.”

“You’re probably right.” I walked over until I was within arms reach of Velvet.

Lupa snorted and wagged her tail, walking in a circle. She sat up and looked at us expectantly.

“What do you think she wants?” Velvet asked me, scratching her cheek

It was obvious when I thought about it, so I turned the stove off, moved brinner to a different, unlit aisle, and wrapped Velvet up in a hug. She gave me a confused smile and hugged me back, the space between us negligible at best. “I think she wants me to show some gratitude.” I grinned and kissed her, trying to let my actions speak what my words wouldn’t be able to through the tenderness of the action

She was a little surprised at first, but kissed me back in no time, surprising me in turn with a little tongue. I pulled back and grinned at her, enjoying the warm, fuzzy, comfy feeling that had enveloped my heart.

“If that’s how you show gratitude, I wonder how you’ll pay back that favor.”

“Any way you want, love.” I looked over at Lupa with Velvet still in my arms. She cantered over and ran a little circle around us; a blessing she’d never given me with Celestia.

Velvet held onto me and came in for one more kiss that turned into a bout of snogging that I was happy to give her. The eggs still ended up a little burnt, but I didn’t mind and ate them anyway, happy to have a meal with Velvet and my pupper. We took our time and got to know each other a little better, asking about each other’s families and being sure to avoid talking about Babs for too long. Velvet’s family was a happy, joyous on that loved to support her in her endeavors, while mine was dysfunctional at best and a lot of things at worst, However, I liked hearing about Velvet and her life, which made it a lot easier to see what I already knew. She was a lovely gal with a fantastic heart, and I just wanted to see where things would go with her. I did end up copping a feel when she got up once, but her arse was made for grabbing with its firmness and the bounce to it. I swear, you could bounce a pound-piece off of it and if she flexed, catch that sucker dented.

Our time together was spent doing a few things other than sex, which we were waiting for the right moment to get into. It just didn’t seem all that pertinent. After some more food and me paying Velvet for the trouble, I left out for the Canterlot Museum around one in the afternoon, having enjoyed a nice meal with Velvet and Lupa. After getting some directions, I tracked down the Canterlot Museum of Art and History, the Equestrian Museum of History’s sister location. It was about an hour’s walk from Velvets flat, and the entire way there, I was comparing Velvet and Celestia. I know that’s not fair to either of them, but I was pondering the differences in the way they made me feel, rather than their physical differences, seeing as how I’m not some shallow, topical twat.

On one hand, the more I thought about the way Celestia had made me feel electrified like sparks were jumping between my digits, the more it felt like I had been engaging in some forbidden romance. It felt like I had been shooting so far above my station that it was impossible and the fact that I even had her attention made me feel like more of a fuckin’ man than taking care of myself or otherwise doing masculine things. However, the comfort I felt with Celestia was… fabricated in a way and I wondered if she left all of her subjects with a similar feeling. The more I recollected, the more I was sure that I had fallen for Celestia’s impish nature and the returned interest she showed me instead of her for herself. It was like her reactions and position were what had gotten me so into her rather than who she actually was. Sure, we had flirted and joked back and forth, but in hindsight, it felt like Celestia had more interest in the way I treated her and the things I would come up with than actually falling for who I was, what I could offer her, or me as a whole. I wasn’t completely sure that I wasn’t just bitter at having my trust betrayed after it had some time to settle in or if I was accurately remembering how I felt with her. Either way, I needed to talk to her.

On the other hand, Velvet had given me a radiant feeling of warmth, different from what Celestia had. Velvet was soft and gentle, like stirring the coals of a fire that was ready to burst back into life, while Celestia’s had felt like the sun, constant and inviting until it burned you. I would have to talk to her to fully understand what I felt, but I was wary of getting hurt once more. I had little trust in her now, and felt like she would take a stab at me if she felt justified. My head was muddled throughout my journey and it wasn’t until a guard stopped me and asked me just what exactly was I doing before I realized that I’d walked around the museum a few times now. With a hasty word the ‘mare maladies’ I was having and an apology, I headed inside and wasn’t bothered again.

Already, the Canterlot Museum was far more grandiose than its sister with its tall marble columns and multi-storied layout. The place held similar relics to that of the Farrier Museum, but everything seemed to have an aura of importance that Farrier’s exhibits had been lacking, possibly given by the tapestries and decor of the Museum. The place seemed like a good one to start if you wanted a good picture of Equestria as a whole, but I didn’t particularly care and little of what I saw caught my attention other than a few depleted magical artifacts. The crap in the museums of Equestria was only there because it could be spared or had historical significance, which kind of sucked. After all, I had a funny feeling that Equestria’s history was either censored or faked since a lot of it didn’t make sense or didn’t add up to an outsider looking in. Besides, they had no real wars to speak of besides one with Gryphonia a long time ago, and one with the ‘Changelings’ that barely had any details to go along with it. All in all, it was boring and tedious, though I had done some reading at Twilight’s despite the intense lack of interest.

I met the receptionist who was an elderly stallion this time, and he led me to the office of the Curator. Maybe it was the upper-crust atmosphere in the fellow's office, but I already didn’t like the bastard, and it wasn’t just because he looked like a cock. His faded black mane and mustache paired with his beige coat gave him an air of douchery that I was none too eager to converse with, and the sneer he wore? The sheer disdain he glared at me with caused my lip to curl and the hair on my arms to stand on end. I could spot a sleazeball a mile away, and I had a big one right in front of me. He needed a solid punch and I would happily give it to him

“I’m going to assume that you’re the… Maximus, Her Royal Majesty told me about?”

“I am.” I pulled the Diadem of Sovereignty from my satchel and set it on his desk.

“I can’t believe you put the Diadem in some… bag. Do you even know what this item is worth? Its historical value? It’s sheer weight to the average Equestrian?”

“Yeah, and it warranted a bag instead of being carried by hand.”

“... You’re a foal.”

“And you’re a cunt. Can I go now?” I snarked.

“Please do, and don’t hurry back.”

And so I did. Man, fuck that guy. I’m pretty sure he had some redeeming quality like ‘money’ or ‘status’, but other than that I got the same feeling from him that I got from a crime boss in Wiltshire; slimy and despicable with fewer morals than a desperate junkie. Hell, he probably took blowjobs from salt addicts and gave them single bits as payment. If I didn’t have to, I wasn’t going back to that place anytime soon without someone to back me up one way or the other. The fuck hadn’t even told me his name, but in any case I just didn’t care to talk to him anymore. The faggot made my skin crawl and that’s enough said.

I stroked the Warbling Blade’s hilt as I left, taking long strides to get the hell out of there as soon as possible. I was stopped by the receptionist and he gave me a check that I could cash at Canterlot City Bank. It was worth around eight thousand bits, but it felt like I holding a used bog roll. From the check, I learned that the dickbags name was Bourgee and I cracked up at that. He certainly seemed the type, though I doubt any pony of Equestria would quite get the adequacy of his name.

When I left the Museum in no small hurry and began the hour-long walk from there to Canterlot Castle, I tried not to think about the chat I was going to have. I sighed inwardly, but I knew that I had to talk to Celestia at some point, and that point may as well be sooner rather than later. The trip itself was uneventful, but I did make a few stops along the way. My first was to the bank to cash my check and open an account there. The Teller seemed awfully surprised at the sum, though I was rather nonplussed. It wasn’t until later that I learned that I could’ve rather easily bought a house in Canterlot and furnished for it with that amount. It made me wonder what my house in Ponyville was worth and whether I should sell it to move to Canterlot, but decided against it. I stashed the thought away for another time and continued walking. I left all of my earnings in the bank since I still had a little over a hundred and fifty bits in the pouch I had been given at the castle armory. There was more in the bag than I’d thought there was and I took the time to realize just how much I had been given at the time, seeing the gold, silver, and bronze pieces in a new light.

I don’t believe I’ve recorded the currency system of Equestria in my journals before, so I’ll do so now. The bronze bits were worth one, the silver twenty-five, and the gold was worth fifty. It wasn’t a terribly complex system, so I never thought to jot it down. I figured now would be the time just in case I became an amnesiac and needed to remember.

Come to think of it, thirteen entries in isn’t really the time to write that in, but I had run out of room in my earlier pages so fuck it I guess. It got explained. As it was, I had a gold bit, a few silvers silvers and twenty bronze to buy Velvet a present with, so I stopped at a confectionary called “Canterlot Crown Confectionery” and browsed their selection. They had some stuff that I was really fond of, so I ended up browsing for a while until one of the clerks asked me if it was my first time being in the shop. I said that it was, so the kind lady offered me a hand. Their selection was so large that she didn’t even have to upsell me, just saying that the bigger the better. I ended up buying a good amount of some of their highest quality chocolate and personalized the box for Velvet.

Before I made it anywhere in particular, I made one more stop at a pet shop and bought a massive custom-made collar for Lupa. I didn’t know how she would feel about it, but I figured the least I could do was get her something nice. Yes, most canines are some kind of colourblind, so any colors on it would for my benefit more so than hers. Thus Lupa ended up with a black and royal blue collar that matched her eyes and coat rather well. With all of my purchases made, I continued to Canterlot Castle to face the music, my box of chocolates wrapped up and the collar for Lupa huge and wrapped around my wrist

It didn’t take me much longer to get there, though the Day Guards at the gate were right pricks. It wasn't until I threatened them with Luna’s fury that they let me through. I wouldn’t have had a fucking problem if they didn’t have their damn eyes closed most of the conversation like I wasn’t even worth fucking looking at. That pissed me off to no end, plus it didn’t help that they were disrespectful as fuck in the first place. It’s like they could smell that I wasn’t a Pony, and up until I told them that they could deal with Luna instead of me, they were happy to turn me away. Oh, but how they looked when I incited a Princess’s name... If they could do their damn jobs I wouldn’t have given them the tongue lashing I did, and it probably wasn’t wholly necessary, but those fuckers had gone and pissed me off over nothing. Fuck. Day Guards.

I got an audience with Celestia an hour or so later, and let me tell you, standing in front of her had to be the most awkward experience so far. She had stammered a greeting and formally requested a private audience, though it wasn’t necessary to be so uptight about it. She was obviously sorry about what had went down between us, but even then she was still playing it up to a point until she actually got nervous and had to calm down. Apparently she just needed to fake it til she made it, though I can’t say I was terribly fond of seeing right through her since it made everything else feel that much faker.

Once we were in a more private sitting room, she took a deep breath and got herself to the point where she wasn’t pulling on her fingers, sitting with her hands folded as I sat across from her. “Max… First and foremost, I’m… I apologize. I was wrong and angry and I had no right to say what I did, and I want you to know that even if I was frustrated and felt ignored, I had absolutely no right. From the bottom of my heart, I am well and truly sorry for attacking you in such a way, and I-

“I’m not that mad about it.”

“The moment you left the room I- Wait, what?”

“You threw what you knew would hurt most in my face. You took a stab because you knew it would hurt. I should’ve expected it from you, especially since, and I’m not being sexist when I saty this, but you’re a woman. I’ve known a lot of women that try to strike as hard as they can with their words. I gave you the ammo. You just took the shot. I should’ve expected it.”

“... Regardless of what you actually meant by that, it was incredibly sexist…” She stared at me.

I shrugged. “Men trade blows, and as far as I know, women attack the heart. It’s how it’s always been in my life.”

“... And you’re… You’re just okay with being that way? With having such notions?”

“Did you prove them right or did you lash out and hit me?”

“... Okay, that’s-”

“I forgive you. It hurt. You meant it to. I understand, Princess,” I replied evenly. I still couldn’t bring myself to be more than irritated with her, despite her brutal words.

Celestia looked at me worried. “Do you really forgive me, Max? Even if-”

“That’s not a hard question to answer, Princess. I didn’t want to forgive you, but I couldn’t be all that mad in the first place. I was hurt. Then I got fuckin’ mobbed in the gob. Mean words? Not as hurtful as the fact that you tried to warn me about Luna’s task and weren’t straight forward with me as to why I shouldn’t have done it.” Celestia looked stricken and confused when I finished speaking.

“What do you mean? What happened during your mission?”

“ILuna’s dumbarse Operative lead us nose-first into an ambush. I had to kill four people.”

She looked like she was about to cry. “I’m… I’m so sorry, Max… Are you okay? Is there anything I can do for you, Dearest? I know it’s hard-”

I held a hand up to silence her. “A friend gave me a shoulder to cry on and enough rationalizations to get the worst of the bullshit off of my heart. I’ll have my nightmares about it and that’s just what it is, but nothing will change the fact that I’m a killer now. I wish you would’ve told me about that before I left. I wish you would’ve told me that the mission could lead me to having blood on my hands.”

“I tried, but I couldn’t! How would you look at Luna if you knew she dealt with trained killers? What would you think of me if I told you about our darker dealings!? Max-”

“Love, I wouldn’t have thought of you any differently. You forget that I’m not one of your innocent little ponies to be protected and sheltered. The moment I met you, I knew you had shady dealings that you couldn’t tell me about; no empire survives without them and yours is no different. Yours just more peaceful and innocent-minded than most.” I gave her a look. “Did you really think that someone with as shady a past as mine would think less of you for some dirty work? I know you two have black operations that no average Pony knows of, and I’m know for a fact that both of you have blood on your hands. Hell, you’ve lived for thousands of years; There’s no way you got here without spilling blood. It’s practically if not actually impossible for you to have gotten this far with the rest of the world the way it is. I wouldn’t have been surprised if you told me that you ordered people to their dooms every day. Now I expect it.”

“... You knew. You knew and you still trusted us?”

“Is that the ‘Royal Us’ or yourself and Luna?”

“Max, please.”

I rolled my eyes. “I thought it was amusing. Yes, I still trusted you. I had no reason not to. For the most part, you’ve been nothing but good to me; Giving me the benefit of a doubt when it came to the incident with Twilight, giving me a house of my own, bringing me to Canterlot to help me recover and stop me from getting revenge on Applejack and Fluttershy. All that adds up to a pretty decent person if you ask me.”

Celestia took her time in answering, mulling over what I’d told her. “... I should’ve known that you were more perceptive than I’d given you credit for. Should’ve known you would understand, I suppose… You know, you’re… You’re more mature now. You seem less… Prone to violence, I’ll say.”

“When you kill multiple people and see a few more get torn apart, then it kind of puts violence into perspective. It’s not worth the heartache to strike out at someone if you’re not planning on teaching them a life lesson.”

She contemplated my reply for a moment. “... You still never answered my question, Max.”

“And that was?”

“Can you forgive me for betraying your trust?”

“I can and I do. That shit still hurt, but you’re still female at the end of the day, and a woman isn’t generally physical with her attack. I accept that you’re not as kind as I thought you were, even if I already knew your hands were dirty.”

She was quiet again. “On a scale of one to ‘I’ll kill you in your sleep’, how upset are you with me?”

“Uh, I’m really not? I’m hurt and a little wary of giving you more trust, but other than that, we’re fine Celestia. I could say I forgive you now, but I wouldn’t mean it completely and that’s the whole reason I would even say it.” Celestia sighed a breath of relief though she still seemed upset. “What’s ailing that big furry heart of yours, Sunbutt?”

“I really wish you’d give that nickname up.”

“I could call you Double Sundae.”

“Why would you do that?” She asked, furrowing her brow. I gestured toward her chest. “Oh- That’s like me calling you Monkey Dick!”

“I assure you, I’m much larger than an average Monkey. You should know that, Double Sundae”

Celestia and I chuckled, enjoying the back and forth we had during the days when we first met. It seemed so long ago that we just flirted back and forth without getting anywhere back in Ponyville that it felt nice to get back to square one. “That’s fair enough, though I’ve never seen a Monkey or Ape that was free with such information. However, it’s not the topic I’d like to discuss. Max, do you want to give us another shot? I think that with our minds on lines to be avoided, we can make things work better than before. Full disclosure this time around. Ask and I’ll answer.”

Uh oh. “W-well, I dunno how to put this, Celestia…”

“Max...” Her shoulders fell and she gave me a tight smile. “I understand…”

“Yeah… I’m kinda seeing another mare at the moment.”

“Oh thank the stars!” She cried, clasping her hands together. “I thought you were gay for a second! You went on that mission with Crimson Tide and said you cried on a friend’s shoulder, and had such views of mares in the first place and- Well, I just went to the worst case scenario!”

“What’s so bad about being gay? Homophobic much?”

Celestia blushed and flustered. “There’s nothing wrong with homosexuality, Max. As long as my little Ponies are happy, so am I. I was just worried that I wasn’t going to get another shot after messing up so badly.”

“You didn’t mess up that badly, but doesn’t the whole ‘seeing another mare’ thing bother you?”

“Why would it? Polygamy isn’t uncommon these days.”

“What.”

“Does England not have polygamous or polyamorous relationships?”

“No, not really. It’s not unheard of, just… Looked down upon.”

“Are you saying you don’t want to try it?” Celestia’s ears twitched.

“... I’ll try anything once?”

“You don’t sound terribly sure about that, Max. Even if your new interest and I get along, which we likely will, you shouldn’t force anything upon yourself. You’ll only end up unhappy.”

“Well, I’d have to bring Velvet over to meet you to see if she’s okay with it. I mean, It’s not fair to break up with you after one mistake, but it’s not fair to break things off with Velvet because of what she’s just done for me. That, and I really like the woman for who and what she is... Lupa even gave us her blessing, so I think that’s a good sign.”

“Lupa never gave us her blessing.” Celestia pouted. It was adorable.

“You also never made me breakfast after consoling me, to be fair.”

“So… Is Twilight Velvet is the owner of the shoulder you borrowed? I thought she was married, but Night Light has long since bowed to her, in any case.” She rubbed her chin, her brow furrowing.

“Twilight… Wait, the woman who was in Day Court and talked with you about magic stuff? No, it’s not her. Her name is Velvet Breeze, and as I said, I’ll bring her here whenever it's convenient for both of you to meet. I think you’ll get along well.”

“We can only hope. I’ll arrange to take the rest of the day off so I can meet her properly.”

“In that case, I’ll be back shortly.” I gave her a peck on the cheek before I left.

I’ll admit it. I was a little dazed after my meeting with Celestia. After all, it’s not every day you find a Princess asking for your hand in a polygamous relationship with a sexy alien that your dire wolf pushed you together with. Nor was it every day that you confirmed your suspicions about the Princesses of a utopia so kindly that they accept thieves for what they are. Yeah, life was weird, but get the fuck over because I sure as fuck needed to. Goddamn, were things fucking odd at best, but there were worse ways for it to be. After all, Celestia could’ve had me arrested and used me as a rape slave only to kill me after I became something complicated that I don’t really remember.

Good God, authority-pussy is addicting.

Luckily my walk wasn’t all that long since I had actually passed Velvet’s flat on the way over. I was going to stop by before to drop off my presents before I’d went to the castle, but I didn’t think about it too hard and forgot to do so. At the moment, I thought that the addition of chocolates to the news would soften the blow, or at least lessen some of the shock. Or maybe I could work it in a certain way and fuck with her. Yup, definitely going to fuck with her. I grinned like the devious bastard I was as I walked to her flat and knocked on the door. I had to make sure to wipe it off of my face before she realized something was up. After knocking twice and hearing nothing, I let myself in to find Lupa viciously mauling the poor mare on the floor like a wild animal!

Well, when I say ‘viciously’ I mean adorably and when I say ‘mauling’ I mean licking. It was a heartwarming scene that I really enjoyed because Lupa liked my ‘lover’ and obviously approved of her, evidenced by the fact that she was pinning Velvet down and covering her in drool and slobber. It was a little more than obvious that Velvet was obviously going nowhere anytime soon, giggling her head off as Lupa nuzzled and slobbered on her. After closing the door, I leaned on it and couldn’t help the smile on my face. It was an event that I could watch all day and never tire of, my enjoyment of the moment only growing when Velvet got the chance to push Lupa away only to be ‘attacked’ again.

“Lupa, heel! Stop! Sit!” Velvet cried from underneath the wall of floof

Lupa did sit, but she chose her seat well. She ended up squishing my hostess’ chest and licking her face. I figured she’d had enough so I intervened. “Lupa, give the gal a break.”

I fucked up. Lupa’s head whipped around and she set her sights on me, leaping off of Velvet and lunging wildly at me. I managed to dodge her first attempt and tossed my bag off to the side, hopping away from the canine and fearing for my dryness. Lupa circled around and lunged at me again, but this time I tripped on the fucking bag I’d just toseed only to pratfall and come face to face with my wolf as she licked her chops and pushed me down with a paw. It was a little scary until she started licking me, leaving me with no other option than to lay there and take it to the best of my abilities. The event was wet, warm, and drooly. I had no choice but to close my eyes and mouth and take my punishment like a man, though I’m pretty sure some of the sounds I made deducted points off of my man card. A good five or so minutes later, Lupa had enough of my face and let me up, covered in slobber and fur. I looked around to find the source of the giggling that had been going on since I was pinned down and saw Velvet with a towel in hand.

“Thanks for the assist, Sweetie Pie. I don’t think my mane would’ve appreciated being soaked in dog drool.”

“Lupa’s not a dog, love, but I hear you. Can I have that for a moment or two?” I asked, chuckling

She tossed the towel my way and I got the worst of the saliva off before Velvet asked me a question. “So what do you mean when you say Lupa’s not a dog?”

“Well, she’s not a dog.” Lupa snorted randomly, pushing me up with her nose until I started petting her. “She might act like it sometimes, but she’s definitely not a dog.”

“So what exactly is she? I’ve never seen a bear that friendly or a timber wolf that sweet or furry.”

“From the size of her, I’d say she’s a dire wolf or something like it at least. I thought you knew that.” I cocked my head to the side with the wolf in question mimicking me.

“I’ve never seen one, or even heard of one to be honest with you. I thought she was just a really massive dog of some kind. Maybe a Tishoen mastiff, or even just a black lab that’s more fuzzy.”

I fished around in my bag for Lupa’s collar and her chocolates. “You could say that, but she’s more than just a friendly fluffball if she needs to be.” I handed the chocolates to Velvet and held the collar up for Lupa.

“Aw, Sweetie Pie, you didn’t have to. I’m glad you did, but you didn’t have to. I’ve been meanin’ to get down to the Triple C sometime, and this is one of their more expensive boxes...”

“Do you like them?”

“Never had ‘em. Too high for my blood, even if you can taste the difference.”

“Well, I hope you like crickets-”

“What?”

“They’re cricket’s.”

“Shush.” she opened the box and grabbed a piece, her eyes lightening up when she bit into it. “Coconut dark chocolate! Oh my gosh, I love these!”

“Sweet, glad I got the wrong thing.”

“Did you actually mean to get me their chocolate crickets?”

“Hell no. I figured I’d give you a little something for opening your home to Lupa and I.” I approached Lupa with the collar and she cocked her head again, looking at me with some confusion.

“Well, I appreciate the gesture, Sweetie Pie. However, if Lupa’s not a dog, why are you tryin’ to put a collar on her?”

“Because I think it’d be cute on her. Besides, if she has a collar, more Ponies are going to be less terrified of her.” I’d gotten the collar around Lupa and she trotted off to the general direction of the bathroom.

Velvet and I shared a look before going in after her to see what was up. We peeked in to see a massive wolf preening in the mirror, licking her paw and flattening her fur like a cat. “... I think she likes it,” Velvet said after a moment. “Your wolf is a little… Vain, I guess.”

“The collar even has her name on it.” I scratched my head, wondering if I done made a goof.

We walked back to Velvet living room and I took a moment to observe her attire: A nice white cardigan over a dark mauve-ish camisole with dark denim jeans. Quite tasteful, if you ask me, and it went with the dark grey of her coat. Velvet noticed me looking and gave me a puzzled smile, which I returned. There was more that I wanted to do with her, more that I wanted to say without making things complicated. Well, more complicated than they already were. I took a deep breath and readied myself for some possible shouting.

Let’s just get this over with. “So how do you feel about polygamous relationships?” And here’s the rejection in three, two...

“They’re fine. I wouldn’t mind one if that’s what you’re askin’.” Damn, I knew I couldn’t have my cake- Wait, fuck the what?

“That… That is what I’m asking. I just came back from speaking with the woman who supposedly left me ‘heartbroken’,” I used some air quotes, “and we decided that ending it over one mistake didn’t sit well with either of us. She enlightened me to the odd fact that polygamy isn’t uncommon among the Ponies so I figured we could give it a try. If you’re willing, that is.”

“Well, I’d like to meet the other mare in this equation before I agree to anything. Still though, that makes me wonder what you’d have done if I’d said no.”

“I’d have chosen you. It takes a kind soul to accept and comfort someone they barely know. What she’s done for me wasn’t hard for her, but it takes something special to do what you have.”

“That’s true, but I’m not too sure you should trust somepony that just broke your heart so soon.”

“Everyone deserves a second chance. You’ll understand better once you meet her though.”

“What’s her name?”

“You’ll find out when we get there, though we should… Probably wash up first.” I licked my finger, rubbed my face, and didn’t smell drool. “Eh, it’d still be a good idea.”

Velvet shot me a sultry grin. “If we shower together, it’ll be faster.”

Lupa tactfully made herself scarce as Velvet and I started kissing in the living room, slowly working our way up after making sure we didn’t taste like drool. We started innocently enough with pecks and smooches, but they soon devolved into a contest of wills, each of us playfully struggling for dominance. I didn’t just let her win, of course, but that didn’t stop her from taking advantage of a lapse in concentration and exploring my mouth with her tongue. Which is also how I learned what Frenching a Pony was like. I’d never done it with Celestia, and her tongue? Better for it than mine by far Her control wasn’t the finest, but her enthusiasm more than made up for it. We allowed our hands to roam across each other’s bodies. Mine started with her breasts and ended on her fine derrière which was a beautiful balance of plump and squeezable yet toned; proof of vigorous exercise and careful sculpting. I cupped each lovely cheek in both hands as her own hands stroked my chest and arms, eventually weaving around my back to pull me closer which caused her pleasant C-cups to press against my chest in the most delectable way. All the while we never broke our kiss as we continued to probe and analyze the other. She broke our kiss by biting my lip and entreated me to a sexy smile. Velvet took hold of my hands and lead me to her lavatory where we began anew, this time without the haste we’d previously had, slowing down to enjoy the moment. Velvet, ever the proactive one, removed my shirt and began working on my belt with no further motivation.

With my trousers and shirt somewhere that wasn't on my person, I took off my last piece of clothing and Velvet grasped my member with vigor, firmly enough to let me know that she had plans for it. I interrupted her with another kiss and whisked her cardigan with her camisole following soon after. I grinned at her blue silk covered brazier and unclasped it quickly, taking a moment to kiss each pert tip before I began working on her jeans. She stepped out of them in a hurry to continue where we’d left off, but my fully erect member demanded attention after being let down on two different occasions. Velvet took it in her hand once more and pressed my tip into the moistening folds of her sex as I kissed and nibbled on the slope of her neck, following her lead by rubbing my tip against her nether regions. Control was in my court and I could hear her barely suppress moans from my efforts which only emboldened me to further. I leaned down to take one of her now stiff nipples in my mouth and felt her hand pushing my head back. I gave her a befuddled smile.

“We can do foreplay another time. I want you now, Max”

I grinned and hooked my fingers through her panties, pulling them down. “Your wish is my command”

With the last article of clothing finally gone, Velvet turned around and lead my member to her entrance, not wanting to wait longer than absolutely necessary. I eased my way in, moaning at the feeling of her velveteen walls as they held me firmly, pulsing around my shaft and tip. When I had fully hilted her, I began thrusting slowly, not wanting to waste the moment. During my exploratory motions, I had found a familiar little bump with my tip, causing Velvet to finally release her lovely voice. I grinned to myself and angled myself by hiking a leg up on the rim of the shower, grinding her G-spot with my shaft as I thrust into her. I was rewarded with another beautiful moan and that’s when I began in earnest, picking up the pace. With my hand feathering and stroking her clitoris, I switched angles on every eleventh thrust to keep my mind focused on lasting longer, and to vary her experience. I felt her walls quiver while I was on my sixth cycle and Velvet when silent for a moment, her moans beginning with a new vitality they’d not had before. She was getting close and so was I. Redoubling my efforts, I maintained my pace while thrusting deeper into her now dripping sex, using the full length of my shaft to grind against her little bump. Velvet’s walls tightened and I could feel her squeezing down on my shaft, my poor endurance taking a heavy hit as she climaxed. I was seconds behind her and kept thrusting all the way through, my seed spilling deeply within her against my will. The lack of action and the fact that we’d been teasing even without the foreplay made me go off a little early, but I was still ready to go another time. We sat there and enjoyed the afterglow for while longer before my member could come back to strength, though it was seconds instead of minutes and I held Velvet to me while she looked back.

“What? Are you trying to go again?”

“Is that a no to round two?” I asked innocently

Velvet turned her head and grinned at me, her answer clearly expressed without a word, though she did remove me from her soaked entrance. She kissed me passionately on shaky legs while my restored member was making it known that it was ready for action. Velvet lifted a leg and held me against her, gripping my lower head. She placed me against her entrance once more and this time I felt a little less resistance as our juices mingled. From this angle, I couldn’t feel that familiar little protuberance, but that didn't stop me from giving her my best. The second time around I knew I would last longer, so I wasted no time setting a quicker pace. My work paid off as I had Velvet moaning again in under two minutes. Her slick walls were exquisite, and now I had more time, I maintained my pace and held her shapely posterior with one hand and rubbed her clit with my thumb. I slipped the tip of my finger in her bottom and her half-lidded eyes shot open. I had plenty of lubrication to work with, so I gently eased my middle finger deeper, causing her to bite her lip and murmur softly.

“I didn’t quite catch that, love,” I said in time with my thrusts.

“I-I said we’ve got to t-try that next t-time!” She stammered.

“What’s stopping us now?” I kept impaling her on my shaft, so it as hard to hear her answer so I cut my speed in half. “Say again, love?”

“I said fuck me however,” She replied in between breaths, “just be gentle.”

I kissed her once more, taking my turn to explore her mouth as she moaned through her nose. I wasn’t ready to pull out just yet, so I waited for twenty-two strokes and removed myself slowly as Velvet sighed. She turned once more and presented her impossible perfect posterior towards me again, reaching back to spread herself and give me quite the view. I dipped two fingers into her wet sex and coated them thoroughly before lightly prodding her rosebud with my index finger. Once I had pressed it as far as it would go, I removed it and inserted my middle finger, stroking her insides as I pulled it out. I repeated the process until she had a small orgasm, shuddering from my endeavors. While she was still mid-climax, I worked two fingers into her, going as slowly as needed in order to avoid hurting her. By the time I had added a third, I was only semi-hard and she was nearly ready. I rubbed my tip against her sodden entrance to lubricate it once more and pressed my tip into her, sliding in with a pop, just not in the intended entrance. After I was naturally slick, I plied my rod against her rear entrance. She gasped and moaned as I smoothly worked my way in, her tight, bumpy walls giving me a different sort of pleasure than before. I continued to work her clit the deeper I went, and she had another small orgasm around the halfway point. I kept at it until I was fully inside of her, and I was struggling to hold on as her walls flexed around my shaft. It was something I had only read about before and found myself enjoying it profoundly. Velvet murmured a few times, softly begging me to start. I had no reservations and began thrusting gradually, my fingers never stopping their assault on her clit though they did alter their methods; lightly pinching, stroking and flicking. I couldn’t help but pick up the pace a little as my pleasure grew, though I was careful to avoid going too quickly for her. The music she awarded me with along with her urges to hurry up and go faster were all the motivation I needed. I set a decent pace and knew that I had mere minutes to get Velvet to her climax before I met my own, so I counted my strokes and her moans as my pleasure kept rising. Fortunately for me, I only needed to work for a few minutes before I recognized the silence before the storm. I pulled out and quickly dipped my member in her wet sex once more before re-inserting it into her other entrance. From there, it was only a minute more before Velvet was in the throes of her most intense orgasm yet, and as her walls tightened around me, I found myself unable to move. I was paralyzed as her walls squeezed my shaft, unable to thrust until her climax subsided. I slid my rod from her and her legs collapsed from underneath her. Catching her just it time, I eased her down and let her rest against my chest.

“We still have to shower, you know”

Velvet muttered something under her breath along the lines of “Go buck yourself.”

I chuckled and held her, my erection not subsiding. I took the time to gently play with her breasts, stroke her mane and nibble on her ears. All brought different sounds with them. A few minutes had passed and Velvet was finally able to get back on her feet, however unsteady. I walked her over to the shower and turned it on, waiting for the water to get warm before helping her in. We washed each other, though it was strange using a full body shampoo on someone. It wasn’t too odd to not do it, but it was beyond my usual levels of ‘what the fuck’. Considering that I had just gotten my first piece of Pony, I compared Velvet to Maggie and made myself sad for a second. Comparing a constable and a junkie was just wrong, and Velvet was leagues better anyway, even without the anal. My erection was still making its presence known, even after some thorough washing (probably because of the washing come to think of that). Once I was clean, Velvet knelt down and popped my tip into her mouth, her wide tongue wrapping itself about. As she began to bob her head, I focused on enjoying the moment, not wanting to make her work longer than necessary to get me off. I had been close at her last orgasm and I was coming back to that point quickly from her skills. I had felt the ever so recognizable feeling of reaching my climax once more before I had warned her. Once I did, Velvet augmented her efforts by working my shaft with her hands and swirling her tongue around my helmet until I was ready to orgasm again. I fired load after load into her mouth as she kept working but when I’d finished, she opened her mouth and showed me what she had collected before visibly swallowing. We traded contented smiles and dried off, groping and fondling each other whenever we saw something we liked.

“Sweetie Pie, you are insatiable!”

“Don’t I know it, Breezey. Don’t I fuckin’ know it.”

We’d taken so long in the lavatory that the sun was only an hour or so away from setting, so I ushered Lupa and Velvet out of the flat and onto the street. I took my long strides and Lupa kept up without a problem, though I noticed after a spell that Velvet was lagging behind, so I slowed down a bit and let her catch up. “You know I can’t keep up with ya after what ya just did to me right? My hooves are still tryin’ to figure out how to work again.”

“Sorry love, I’ll keep it in mind. At least, I would, but I don’t want to surprise anyone who happens to glance down, they might get jealous,” I quipped, my mood boosted.

“If ya want me to take a jab at your ego, keep talkin’.”

I shut up.

We covered ground quickly enough, though we had to stop once or twice to let Velvet rest a bit. I’d felt what she was feeling once or twice, so I was happy to oblige, and Lupa was just enjoying the time outside. I talked to Velvet, trading some stories with her as we strolled and hearing her input on the upper-class society of Equestria. Before she had been demoted to a guard at the Teleportation station, she had been a rank and file Night Guard. In fact, she had gone to the most recent Grand Galloping Gala and had quite a bit to say about the ‘stuck-up, lazy, no-good, spoiled-rotten foals’ that had attended. It seemed that we shared a lot when it came to the nobility and we even had the same feeling about the Curator of the Canterlot Museum of Art and History; he was sleazeball who most likely lied, cheated, and bribed his way into his position. I held the man in low regards if any, but Velvet actually hated the bastard. Apparently, he had groped her on one of her assignments, then denied the action citing that she was ‘a filthy commoner who should be grateful that a man of his stature even deigned it worth his time to talk to her.’. I was going to punch that guy the next time I saw him, well connected or not, and I had a feeling that there could be an investigation to the matter

This time around, the Day Guards let us onto the Castle grounds without any kerfuffle since Velvet was a Night Guard herself. They took the time to glare at me and I flashed them a twin-fingered salute. Of course, they didn’t get it but I did and that’s all that mattered. We walked into the castle and Lupa strode off toward the castle’s gardens before Velvet started bugging me more and more about who we were actually there to see. It got to the point where I told her I’d kiss her quiet if she didn’t stop asking and she made me do just that. However, when she wanted to know something, she didn’t acquiesce easily.

“So who are we here to see? Daygleam? She’s sweet enough to deal with a guy like you, I think. Or maybe you just like the maid outfits.”

“I do like a proper maid outfit, but she’s not one of the maids, little more stature than that love.”

“Then who is it? Is it the Head of Staff?”

“You got me. It’s no fun if you guess it, love.” I pulled a fake frown while I was inwardly grinning.

“You know that mare is wound up tighter than a spinster rear, right? I don’t see what you see in her and I’m pretty sure I’ve known her longer.”

“You might’ve known her longer, but I know her better.” We took a turn and continued chatting about the pros and cons of the ‘Head of Staff’.

The sitting room Celestia had instructed me to go to when I returned was empty when we arrived, so I offered Velvet a seat while we waited. I lounged on a couch for a while before Celestia returned with a cake and a pot of tea behind her. “It’s about time you got here, Max! I’ve been waiting for hours!” Celestia chided

Velvets jaw dropped as she scurried to kneel before her ruler. “P-Princess! I- Er- Your Highness! W-We weren’t expectin’ you!”

I bit my lips in order to hold back a smile and glanced over at Celestia, raising my eyebrows. She gave me a womanly look before it turned into a mischievous smile. “Rise, and take a seat. May I have your name?” Celestia asked politely

“I-I’m Velvet Breeze, member of Princess Luna’s Night Guard!”

“And I’m Sexy-Pants Max. Please, just call me Max.” Velvet shot me a glare before she rose and took a seat. I hadn’t moved but I did smooth my face over before she could see.

“Hello Velvet Breeze, I see you’re waiting here for somepony?” Celestia placed the tea set and the cake down.

“Y-yes Your Highness, We’re waitin’ for Ms. Moonlit Stream, the Head of Staff.”

“Oh, well I’m sorry but Moonlit Stream will be unavailable for quite a while; there was an issue with the staffing for next week and she’ll be sorting through it until later tonight when Princess Luna takes over.”

Velvet looked even more nervous, most likely because we didn’t have someone to vouch for us now. “Well t-that’s unfortunate, perhaps we’ll see her another time.” She glanced over at me with an expression that said ‘we need to go’.

I maintained a straight face and raised an eyebrow. “Hey Celestia, mind if I nab a cuppa?”

Velvet looked horrified. “Max!”

Sunbutt smiled at me. “A cup of what?”

“Cuppa tea if you please.”

“Of course! Would you like some cake to go with it? I’m rather fond of it myself.”

“I dunno, what kind is it?” Velvet looked at me with her eyes wide. “What? Do you want some too?”

“It’s Germaneigh Chocolate, and you’re both welcome to have some.” Celestia poured me a cup and floated a slice over to me. “/It’s from the best shop in town, if a Princess's palate is anything to go by.”

I tried the cake and it was no surprise that it was delicious. However, seeing Velvet's face made it even better. “I don’t think your palate works right, sweetcheeks. This ain’t really worth the praise.” I winked at Celestia and she pretended to be offended.

“Well, now. Maybe it’s your palate that doesn’t work! I think Canterlot Crown Confectionery does fine work,” She huffed. By now Velvet had buried her face in her hands. Celestia and I shared a look. “I think we should have Velvet be the tiebreaker, do you agree, Mister Max?”

“Yeah, if her sense of taste is as refined as her arse, I think she’ll be a pretty good choice.”

If Velvet looked horrified before, she looked absolutely mortified now. To be embarrassed in front of a Princess must’ve been pretty brutal. She shot me the darkest glare I had seen in a while, though it came off as incredibly adorable due to her intense blush. Celestia floated a piece of cake and a cup of tea over to her which she took in trembling hands. She set the tea down and took a bite of the cake.

“I-I agree with the Princess, it’s good.” She said in a small voice.

Celestia nodded. “I see someoe has good tastes.” Velvet sighed as Sunbutt tried a piece of the cake and made a face. “Ew. Max, how on Equus did you eat this?”

“I was trying to be polite, but fuck, Your Hotness, I told you it wasn’t up to par.”

“How true. I believe Ms. Velvet was just trying to preserve my feelings.” Celestia and I looked at her and she shrunk into her seat, trying to make herself invisible and failing.

I couldn’t hold it anymore and neither could Celestia: We burst out laughing at the same time, rocking Velvet’s poor little world in her seat. She looked so lost and confused it was hard to keep to stop. After what felt like an hour I finally managed to get ahold of myself. “Hey, Vel!” I giggled

“W-What?” She still looked completely lost.

“Meet our girlfriend, Princess Celestia!” The mare in question lost it and made the cutest snort. At that, we looked at each other and began anew.

“Wait, What? What are you two laughin’ at!? What do you mean?!” Velvet all but screamed

“Celly’s the ‘Head of Staff’ I was talking about, love. She’s the lady who quote-unquote ‘broke my heart’. Do you feel like telling her off yet?”

“It’s been a pleasure meeting you Velvet. I hope we get along well in the future!” Celestia giggled.

“Are you bucking kidding me?! You-” She pointed at me, “and you?” She pointed at Celestia

“Yes, that’s what we’re telling you. I apologize for the joke, but your reactions were so priceless!” Celestia got up and walked over to the mare in question. I stood next to her and gave both of them a peck on the cheek.

“Are you okay, Vel? You look like someone just grabbed your bum. Oh! And speaking of,“ I turned to Celestia, “on the way over Velvet and I were having a chat and it turns out she lost some rank due to a chap named Bourgee. Apparently, he molested her and when she brought it up to her Commanding Officer, the bastard had the nerve to insult her and deny it simultaneously! Can you believe that?”

“Dear Celestia, I need to lie down,” Velvet said in disbelief.

“You don’t have to write to me for that, sweetie, feel free. I will look into this matter,” Celestia looked outside, “now, actually. A simple truth spell will sort this matter out, and the sun has yet begun to set. The Museum should be open for a few more hours. What say we take a stroll, Max? Velvet?”

Velvet was starting to lie down, still thunderstruck.

“We’ve got the time for her to come back, don’t we?” I asked, amused

“We do. So why did it take you two so long to get here?” Celestia asked with a glimmer in her eye.

Velvet shot up straight. “We were attacked by Lupa, she went absolutely savage, licked everything, sat on top of me for hours!”

Celestia raised an eyebrow at me. “I don’t know how long Lupa was on her, but it was obviously a while. She was covered in drool when I got back to her flat. The Lupa switched to me and I was stuck on the ground for a bit. Both smelled like wolf slobber, had to clean up.” Velvet shot me a grateful look and Celestia hadn’t lowered that eyebrow yet. “What?” I asked trying to sound innocent.

“If you two go at it again and don’t invite me, I’m arresting both of you.” Celestia said with a completely straight face.

“Fair enough,” I replied calmly. “But you’ve got to have a visit with Velvet sometime. Lovely flat, very tasteful. Great arse too, I wasn’t messing about on that.”

Celestia and Velvet blushed and shared a look. “Ya know, if we’re sharin’ him it's only fair.” Velvet hinted meekly, a smile forming on her face

It was Celestia’s turn to smile. “True, it’s only fair.” They both looked at me and grinned.

“I think I need an adult.” I didn’t think I actually needed one.

“I’m one of the oldest beings on the planet.” Celestia’s smile grew a little darker

“I’m an adult too.” Velvet’s did the same.

I knew running was pointless, so I tried charm. “How about you two lovely ladies not and say we did, yeah? We still have something to do if you don’t recall, absolutely gotta make it to the Museum!” I gave them my most winning smile.

They traded looks once more. Celestia gripped me with her magic and they both approached me slowly. “I’ll have to set an alarm for an hour, I do want to get our business done,” Celestia said.

“We have two until the Museum closes, and I’m sure Bourgee doesn’t head home right at closin’.”

It was going to be a long two hours.

After our time was up, and my pelvis was aching terribly, we’d missed our mark, and Celestia had to send a note to the museum to make it stay open a while longer for an ‘inspection’. Velvet, Celestia and I were walking down to the Museum. Lupa had joined us as we left the castle and was trotting along happily. The Princess chose to don a rather attractive disguise, but other than that, nothing worth mentioning happened. Well, nothing besides Celestia Molestia-ing both Velvet and I in public with her magic mane. I struggled to walk a straight line, though I wasn’t complaining, and the ladies were walking with a certain bounce to their step that had been missing before those two hours that were worth mentioning later, just not right now..

Every so often Velvet would twitch and I knew that Celestia was doing something. She diverted her attention to me every once in a while and I had to duck down a side alley to adjust myself. It was a fun walk, all things said, and by the end of it, all three of us were blushing up a storm. When we had finally gotten into the Museum, we had brought some blue maned, white coated stallion inside with us. His color scheme was familiar, but I couldn’t place any specific place that I’d seen it since white and blue were so common. He had been waiting outside, so I assumed Celestia had ordered him there or something, though he didn’t really say much.

Celestia transformed back into the stunning mare I knew her to be, and our little party fell in line behind her. I swear the elderly receptionist nearly had a heart attack when he saw her, but he bowed nonetheless. Celestia strolled through the Museum like she owned the place, probably because she did, and knocked authoritatively on Bourgee’s door. The salty fuck yelled something inaudible which she took to mean ‘Come right on in!’, so that we did. The fellow hurriedly stuffed something under his desk and looked up with breath drawn to yell. He saw who it was and thought better.

“Your Highness, what a pleasant surprise! Have you come for a tour of the Museum?” He asked nervously.

“Shining Armor,” The blue-maned guy stepped forward. “Cast the spell.”

“Of course, Your Majesty.” His horn lit up and Bourgee’s eyes glazed over with a magenta sheen.

“Bourgee, did you accost a Night Guard named Velvet Breeze and use your connections to drop her rank?”

“Yes, Princess.” He replied, his voice shaking like he was trying to hide it.

“Then you will be accompanied by guards to Day Court first thing tomorrow morning.”

Celestia turned to leave and the rest of the party followed. Velvet and I turned back to see the look on the slimy bastards face: he looked like someone pissed in his soup. It was suitable, hilarious, and well worth the walk. We all walked outside, though not before Celestia turned her disguise back on. The guy who I later learned was the Captain of the Guard was speaking to Celestia as Velvet and I commented on the look on Bourgee’s face when he’d been caught outright and she even gave me a kiss for having the connections that I did. When Velvet, Lupa and I rejoined them, I overheard something… Unfortunate.

“-still haven’t found the culprit. I don’t understand, Your Majesty! Who breaks into somepony’s house just to reorganize it?!”

I looked away and tried not to look guilty. Velvet gave me an odd look.

“I’m sure we’ll find whoever made a mess of your parents home, Shining, there can’t be many ponies with that kind… of… expertise.” Shit. Looks like Celestia put it together. She won’t do anything drastic, right?

“We will, Your Majesty. Is there anything else I can help you with?” Captain Troublemaker asked eagerly, even if he did look a little tired.

“Not at the moment, thank you Shining Armor. You are dismissed." The dude left and our little party shrank a little. Celestia glared at me for a moment before teleporting us all back into the sitting room we’d previously been in. “Max.”

“Yes love?” I answered with a sweet smile.

“...Why did you break into my Guard Captain’s parents’ house?”

Velvet gasped and I put on a surprised face. “Whaaat? Me? No way! I’ve been out of town for a while and I spent the night at Velvet’s. When did the crime happen?”

“The same night you went to Gryphonia.”

“The night we met?” Velvet asked incredulously

“That’s the one. I don’t know what you’re talking about, Celestia.”

“Lupa, did Max break into a house that night? Snort for yes, growl for no.”

I looked at Lupa and silently pleaded for her not to sell me out. She snorted. Fucking mutt.

Celestia shook her head and rubbed her temples. “Did you take anything?”

I sighed. “I considered it, but I thought it’d be funnier if I made something.”

“Seriously!?” Velvet cried.

“You turned their entire downstairs into a maze with a pyramid of chairs in the middle. How?”

“You can get a lot done when you’re quiet.”

“Is this really the kinda thing I’m gettin’ myself into?” Velvet asked.

“Yes/Yup.” Celestia and I answered at the same time.

“In fairness, nothing was damaged, nothing is missing, and no one was hurt. How about we let this one go unsolved?”

“Max, you still broke into someone’s house, you know that, right?” I shrugged. “Never mind, you… I should’ve known it was you from the time frame. As punishment…” Celestia thought.

“Don’t be too hard on him, Your Highness, I know you gotta do somethin’, but if you lock him up it looks terrible,” My favourite girlfriend argued.

“I would never dream of it, Velvet! And please do call me Celestia in private, if we’re going to make this work, we need to be on equal ground outside of politics.”

“Does anyone my input?” I asked

They both responded. “Shut up, Max.”

“What do you suggest, Velvet? I don’t really know what’s suitable yet not too harsh. I’d like to be able to talk to him and scold him.”

“He has a place in Ponyville, right? Make him serve his time there.” Celestia and I shared a look. “There’s somethin’ ya’ll ain't tellin’ me, me isn’t there?”

“I may have had personal vendettas against two of the residents in the past.”

Velvet groaned. “Do I even want to ask?”

Celestia sighed and made a gesture for me to tell my story. I gave Velvet the rundown. “I was a former thief looking for a new life. Two friends of the mare I was living with at the time learned about my past, so I begged them to keep it a secret. Another one of those friends overheard my story and some stuff happened during a picnic that started a fight. I stormed off, nearly got sucker punched, sucker punched the mare that almost sucker punched me and fucked off for a bit. Went to apologize and nearly got killed by one of the Ponies I asked to keep my secret. Woke up in a hospital pissed as all hell so Celestia brought me to Canterlot to let me heal and cool off. I’ve healed and cooled off, but I can’t promise to avoid decking the Pony that nearly killed me or the one that spilled my secret. That’s about it.”

“... I’m so confused.”

Celestia went into more detail with her explanation and Velvet was brought up to speed.

“Well, maybe Max is ready to face them? He seems like he’d be mature enough to handle it without killing somepony.” Velvet reasoned. I blanched at the mention of killing someone. “Sorry, Sweetie Pie-”

“Just a figure of speech, it’s fine.”

“Exactly.” She nodded at me and gave me a little smile.

Celestia rubbed her temples with her fingers, seeming a little stressed. “Well, you have grown since you’ve come back. If you don’t feel like you could keep yourself under control, you can stay here.”

“I’ll be fine, love. I’m ready to talk to Applejack, and I’ll need to swear at Fluttershy, but as long as they both don’t mind there shouldn’t be a problem.” I really don’t want to deal with that shite yet, but whatever.

“I’m not sure I’m okay with this; we just consummated our relationship, should we really send Max off somewhere he nearly got killed?” Velvet inquired.

“We’ve got to have faith in him. If he says he can handle it, we’ve got to trust him.”

“So that’s it? I’m off to Ponyville?”

No one seemed very happy about that. So much for my good day.

Author's Notes:

God, this took forever to get through. Not because the rewrites were particularly hard, but because I wanted to add so much into it and change a good portion of what was written.