I arrived in a small town near the border of Gryphonia named ‘Farrier’, which seemed to be slightly larger than Ponyville. Seeing as how Ponyville was a small town anyway, Farrier was not terribly impressive compared to pretty much anywhere else I'd been on Earth. I left the Teleportation Station with Velvet Breeze’s note tucked away in one of my pockets and made my way over to the museum where I would be briefed on the finer details of my mission. Strolling through Farrier without my usual confident swagger felt off, to say the least. My ego had taken quite the bruising at the hands of Celestia, but for some odd reason, I just couldn’t bring myself to be upset with her. After all, I probably gave her good reason to be mad at me, but as is the case with some of my dealings with females, I didn’t know precisely why. Of course, my crass manner and brutal honesty (at times) probably didn't help my case, but even thinking of how cruel she had been when she betrayed my trust by mentioning my brother and how I had abandoned him... I couldn’t feel justified in giving her a piece of my mind. It just didn’t sit well with me, no matter how hurt I was. I decided that once I finished my job, I would go back and talk to her civilly as an adult instead of the disloyal, bull-headed person she saw me as and maybe win her back. Come to think of it, I never even technically had her, but I lost her all the same. Sounds like my luck in all honesty.

Snapping out of my reverie, I realized that Farrier was just as colorful as Ponyville and Canterlot were, though it seemed a little more spread out compared to Ponyville's densely populated Town Square area. At the armory, I had been given around two hundred or so bits for traveling expenses and possible bribes, should the need arrive or should I be here longer than I originally planned. I thought of a few extra things I might need for my mission while I walked past some odd shops and thought of a way to hide my identity; it wouldn’t do to have my identity revealed to the enemy. I stopped by a clothing and accessory shop by the name of ‘Shirts Shoes and Sweets!’ and met a disgustingly neon stallion whose attitude was more sour than a can of Charms crossed with a lemon puree. When I brought a mottled, bedraggled scarf that was dye various shades of grey to the counter, he gave me the most disgusted look I’ve seen in my time in Ponyland. I politely told him to ring the damn thing up before I shoved it down his throat with my boot and fist simultaneously.

And so he did.

There was a reason I picked the scarf; the shades of grey combined with the black outfit I was planning on wearing gave the effect of a shadow with speckles of light, which in my experience so far had kept me from being caught multiple times. That, and I think grey goes well with most of my wardrobe, seeing as how it’s made of varying shades of blue, black, and the occasional green (which I started wearing to signal that I was looking for a job back in England). After I shoved the scarf in the satchel I’d been given back in Canterlot, Lupa and I kept on to the Museum, though the looks she was getting were rather amusing. It’s not every day you see a dire wolf strolling around with a hairless ape after all.

We alighted at the Museum of Equestrian History shortly. We were almost charged a fee, but once the receptionist mare realized who we were, she hustled us through the foyer into the offices in another wing of the building. There wasn’t much to see in the museum other than some older stuff that I thought wasn’t that important, but there also a couple of magical artifacts that I was surprised hadn’t been stolen. I asked the mare with the shapely rear that I liked looking at about some of the things I’d seen and she told me that most of the magical stuff was useless and a lot of the older-looking things were either replicas or had been restored, so few enough people cared to stop by. She seemed disappointed by the collection, but I complimented her on her knowledge and the obvious respect she had for the real stuff and she just smiled and thanked me. I meant what I said, but I was also still a pervert and appreciated the fact that she walked in front of me.

Lupa must have sensed my attention leading elsewhere because she gave me an awfully bleak glare after nipping my heel. I gave her a sheepish smile and she rolled her eyes, looking forward once more while I returned to having some fun. It was a quick enough walk with enough jigg- Er, with enough sights to see on the way to the curator’s office. The receptionist left us in front of the poshest looking door in the building and went inside. After a moment of waiting, we were lead into one of the most boring, ugliest rooms I'd ever seen. The mare sitting behind the desk seemed to be up in her years, though she still had a bit of fire in her eyes. Her slightly faded forest green coat and lighter emerald green mane streaked with greys and a couple of strands of pink gave her an air of authority, but I couldn’t really find it in me to take such a horrible colour scheme all that seriously.

“Maximus I presume?” The green mare asked curtly, her tone bartering for no nonsense.

“The one and only. And you are, Miss…?”

“I am Grape Sprinkles, the Cur-”

“You what?” I giggled.

Madam Sprinkles gave me a stern look. “Grape. Sprinkles. As I was saying, I am the Curator of The Museum of Equestrian History, and Her Majesty Princess Luna has given me your orders to be delivered immediately upon your arrival.”

“Sounds about right. Are they in a document, or are you going to give them to me orally?” I was fighting a smile at this point.

She was not amused, though I did hear the receptionist gasp. “This is a very serious matter, Maximus, and I wish you would take it as such. Your orders are to cross the Gryphonian border on foot. We have located the artifact in question and have found that it now resides in the manor of Hedard, one of Queen Elfriede’s lesser vassals. His manor is close to the town of Hildegarten, which is a five hour journey from here. Keep off the main roads. Upon your return, you will return the Diadem of Sovereignty to our sister museum on the outskirts of the capital for inspection, then leave it with the curator of said museum.” She sighed heavily after the last part.

“Why take it back to Canterlot? Isn’t there enough funding to bolster security here?” I asked, sensing a story.

“That is along the lines of my own request. I do not want one of the few exhibits of true value to leave my Museum. My work is my life and the fact that the museum is slowly dying with its attendance hurts in ways I doubt you can understand. It is my pride and joy after all, though I’ll admit to not having the pony-power to hold such an item. I have little say in the wishes of the Princesses and I understand their reasoning, as little as I like the points. If the premises were compromised twice already, there is little reason that they could not be compromised once more. It truly does sadden me to have the Diadem leave us, but to keep it in Equestrian hands is far more important than my own selfish desires.” She again and rubbed her temples

“Well, has the Princess said anything about the Warbling Blade? Or maybe something else? If I can’t return the Diadem to you, I could at least bring that one back,” I offered. “Hell, if the Gryphons stole from us, why don’t I bring back one or two of their artifacts?”

She waved it aside while I was still speaking. “Thievery is not Equestrian and the Banshee’s Razor is of little use to anypony. Having it in the museum was… Unsettling. I personally wouldn’t mind if it never came back, but if you were to find it, I believe Princess Luna may reward you for the extra effort.”

I shrugged of the slight jab. “What do you mean by unsettling? And Princess Celestia told me the blade was pretty old itself, so why wouldn't you want it?”

“My museum named it the Banshee’s Razor because once it’s touched, it creates the eeriest sound we have ever heard, somewhere between what I would imagine a banshee’s cry to be and the sound of striking metal tongs.” She shivered. “As I said; rather unsettling, if not outright disconcerting. So far, everypony avoids it as much as possible, and the poor mare that used to clean our displays quit after touching it one too many times, so no. We do not want it here and would be quite happy, I assure you, if you did not retrieve it at all. That evil weapon can rust in Gryphonia for all we care.” Sprinkles stuck her nose up and huffed.

“Well I plan on grabbing both if possible. It can’t possibly be that bad, now can it?” I was trying to lighten the mood. It wasn’t working.

“I suggest that you stick to your mission, Mr. Maximus. Merry Melon, please show this stallion the way out.”

“Of course Ms. Sprinkles”

Grape Sprinkles gave me a shitty look as I tried not to laugh at Merry fuckin’ Melon. “Wait, what about my guide? Princess Lulu told me she had someone to get me to where I need to go. Also, what about exfil? I’ll need a way home, right?”

The curator’s glare turned to a stare. “...Lulu?”

“There were other parts to that question, you know.”

“Yes,” she paused, rubbing her temples some more. “You'll meet your contact at the Stoic Stallion, and he will join you for your journey to provide support and companionship beyond that of your dog. Your first stop is a border town, so it’s not uncommon to see Ponies there, just do not do anything to compromise your positions.”

“Alright.” I patted Lupa’s head and turned toward Merry. “Let’s go, Miss Melons.”

She gave me a look. “It’s just Melon. Singular.”

“Sorry, I must have had a Freudian slip.”

I got another look and she cracked the smallest of smiles, waiting until we were out of the office to say, “Were you making a comment, or am I just reading too far into things?”

I chuckled. “A comment on what, exactly?”

She huffed. “You’re cute, but not that cute. I think you can find your own way out, hm?”

“Oh, don’t be like that, love~”

“The main things you have going for you are the accent and your adorable dog. Don’t push your luck.”

“I’m not pushing anything other than the mission. Maybe that makes me a missionary?”

“You’re too ridiculous.”

Lupa snorted and I gave her a look. “I don’t know if you were agreeing with her or just making wolf sounds, but you can hush.” She made some other wolfy sound. “Mhm, I don’t know what you mean, though I’m sure that was derisive.”

Lupa whacked the back of my knee with her tail and sent me to the ground as Merry Melon laughed. “Oh dear Celestia, you two should be a comedy act!”

I stuck my tongue out at her. “That’s why your bum looks like a round couch cushion.”

“That’s just mean!”

Lupa snorted and let me use her to get back to my feet. “At least I didn’t make a ‘comment’ on your merry melons.”

“... I despise you so much.” She rolled her eyes, still smiling a little.

“It’s an endearing quality, I’m sure, you just have to give it time.” I started walking away. “Have a good one, love, and keep your head up, okay?”

She waved. “Bye, you crazy stallion.”

It wasn’t hard to find the exit since there were signs, though that made me wonder why I’d really needed her to show me the way to Grape’s office anyway. I didn’t really care, but in any case, I got to stepping and manage to get to the right street at a decent time. There may have been a point where I let my pride falter so I could get directions. It was better than being lost. The Stoic Stallion was an average looking pub. I couldn't spot anything outstanding stroke the evidently handsome unicorn stallion bloke sitting in the corner who was garnering plenty of attention from the females in the establishment. I couldn’t see what all the fuss was about, besides the fact that he happened to be jet black with a crimson red mane, which was ridiculously over styled if you ask me. And before you say so; no, I was not jealous, just a little confused. After all, he seemed like just about every other stallion I had seen so far, except he never smiled. Even when he laughed his face never really moved.

It was rather uncanny.

I took up a spot at the bar and ordered myself a beer and a bowl of water for Lupa to pass the time. People watching was one of my many hobbies, and the more I studied the black guy for reasons other than shooting him (Fucking Americans), the more I was sure that he was my contact. The guy was obviously in some kind of extraordinary business, if his posture and general attitude he had were anything to go by. Lupa and I sat alone for the most part since the patrons gave us a rather wide berth; Having a wolf that’s as tall as you are doesn’t hurt when you want to be left alone. It also doesn’t hurt when you want to be spotted. The black stallion strode over with his groupies in tow until he politely informed them that he was trying to get some privacy and most of them backed away, dejected and a few visibly upset. He sat next to me when he was clear and extended a hand my way.

“Crimson Tide, at your service.”

I shook the proffered hand “Max and Lupa, I’m sure you can figure out who is who.”

“I can. We’ll leave at nightfall if you’re already prepared. No offense or anything, but I wasn’t expecting Max to be so big.”

“You fucker. I’m Max, the wolf’s Lupa. Got a question by the way.”

“Nothing else to do. Go ahead.” He sipped the drink he brought with him.

“Are you gay, or do you just get that a lot?”

“Get what a lot?”

“Having every mare in a room try to get you back into their bed for a little more than snuggles.”

“Does it really matter?” He raised an eyebrow.

I replied with a cheeky grin. “What, can’t sate a little curiosity? If we’re working together, I might be able to use that. Either your gay charm or your mare magnet-ness.”

He frowned. “I don’t think I particularly enjoy the idea of being used, Max.”

“Well if you’re straight, would you really want to hit on another man?”

“If I was straight why would I want to do that at all?”

“First, gotcha. Second, if you’re as popular with dudes as you are the ladies, you could pretty easily get us out of a jam if need. Just think, we run into any guards on our way out, you could talk us out of trouble.”

His frown eased and he gave me the side-eye. “You could have started with that. You know there are ponies out there that don’t like ponies like me. They’re few and far between these days, but you never know who will judge somepony just because of their tastes this far away from the Hearth.”

I remembered someone or something telling me that the ‘Hearth’ was the midwestern part of Equestria. “Personally, I don’t give a shit what you want to stick your dick in; it’s your choice after all. I just like to mess with people, sorry if it’s a touchy subject.” Wait… Did I just apologize over bullshitting?

While I was coming around the realization that I just apologized for only possibly offending someone, Crimson Tide was giving me an amused smile, the first I’d seen from him. “You come off as an ass, but I have a feeling you’re a heart to hold onto.”

“Straight as a one-hundred and eighty degree arrow, but thanks. I-”

“I wasn’t hitting on you, it’s more of a friendly saying in southern Equestria.”

“Well, shit, don’t I look like an ass? Again.”

“If you had more flank to back it up, you might’ve actually gotten hit on.”

“If you had more tits and less dick, I still wouldn’t have said yes.”

“Wow.”

I grinned. “Wanna drink on the Princesses’ pay?”

“Shoot, don’t let me tell you no.”

We talked for a little while longer since it never hurt to know your allies. It turned out that he was one down-to-earth fellow with a penchant for fashion, ironically. We traded stories until nightfall and promptly left the building. I had forgotten that Pony liquor was a little stronger than the stuff back home and had already done a few shots to maintain a nice buzz on top of a few sips of malt liquor that was actually quite nice. It was a blackberry brew that went down easy and tasted more like a bitter-ish bubbly than anything, so I’d gone through more than I’d anticipated. That was, of course, the reason I stood and stumbled. I could walk a straight line if I had to, but I still needed to dip into some more of my travel fund to grab a pretzel from a bakery that was closing up.

Munching the soft, chewy pretzel and having fed Lupa some fish, we began our journey to Gryphonia. Now, I know some people would expect me to chronicle our super cool journey down the barren dirt roads that lead to the border, but honestly? It was boring. Besides trading a few more stories, nothing really happened. Crimson did fall once (which I got a laugh out of) but other than that; completely unremarkable. It was a pretty eye-opening lesson into why the journey itself often gets skipped in stories.

We came to the border and found Hildegarten soon enough. The first thing I noticed was that it was far more spartan in decor. Stone and brick made up most of the architecture and the whole city was drab and grey: a far cry from the colorful, warm atmosphere that plagued Ponyland. It felt more like home with its overcast sky and dreary mood, and I couldn’t help but feel some regret that I had left in the back of my mind. The crummy old town I was born and raised in hadn’t been all peaches and cream, granted, but it had been home until I wound up in the technicolor Hell that was Ponyville. The damned happy, smiley, all too friendly ponies reminded me too much of what I’d lost even if they were nothing like my old associates, and of my own dark nature that I held from them as much as I could. Not that I did it well, but I tried at the very least. I still wanted to curse at Fluttershy for taking my secret into her own hands, but there was little I could do about it at the moment.

While I was thinking about Fluttershy, my thoughts rounded back to Applejack and I had to stop that. Having murder on the mind while trying to get shit done was ill-advised, but make no mistake; I wanted to hurt that mare in ways she would never understand, and it made me want to turn tail, head to the Teleportation Station, and ask to be tepelorted back to Ponyville so I could slap her with a hammer until she stopped moving. Not because she was dead, but because all of her bones would be broken.

In any case, my homesickness and anger could wait until I was safely back in friendly territory. As it was, I needed to locate the mark, wait until nightfall once more (it was morning by the time we’d arrived) and get a good nap. Crimson and I hadn’t stopped since we had left Farrier, so we were both ready for a nice place to grab a hot meal and a soft bed. Lupa. on the other hand, never seemed more happy with her tail wagging to the beat of an unheard song. It must have been awfully up-tempo because every time she hit me with the damned thing it felt like a ten-year-old was beating me mercilessly with a plastic cricket bat and I swear it was beginning to leave a bruise. Instead of just telling her to stop, we continued onward after a brief moment with the town guardsmen and it was then that I noticed just how terrifying the Gryphons were. They were majestic in a sense; Apex predators with the sleek grace that only being at the top of the food chain can give someone. Their smooth, slick plumage came down to the collarbone on average, some a little further, some stopped a bit short, and their fur was different from the ponies. It was more lustrous like they had been built from the ground up to be aerodynamic and it all blended together to give each individual Gryphon the same air of ‘Fuck with me, and I’ll eat your family.’.

These were not people to screw with unless I had a knife in hand, which became evident all too soon. Crimson had the bright idea of asking a local for directions to the nearest inn, when the sun was low, and the bloody fucker told us to follow him. I, being used to the trick of wandering around looking for newcomers in town, warned my partner that we were about to get fuckin rolled. My worries fell on deaf ears and the fellow who offered to guide us just kept getting sketchier and sketchier as we walked along. Crimson’s flawed reasoning was that if we did get ambushed, we may be able to talk our way out of any trouble, possibly gaining more information on a few other relics that had been lost and forsaken. I retorted that getting ambushed was a great way to get killed until we died to death. It was also a great way to get unlifed to being killed, which was the same thing with the same result.

I was ignored.

We followed the stocky fellow into the alleyways of Hildegarten, my eyes flickering to every shadow, looking for any alcoves or any other places there may have been another bastard waiting. Lupa's tail had stopped wagging, a low growl building in her that was barely audible. Corner after corner we followed the nameless Gryphon until we found ourselves in the shittiest side of town to put it bluntly. Seconds after leaving the dark, sketchy alleys we found ourselves surrounded by five Gryphons including our ’guide’ and two shady looking ponies, both of the ‘Earth’ variety. I had stopped at the edge of the alleyway to ‘tie my boot’, surreptitiously pulling three throwing knives and my dirk though I had my doubts of whether it would do me much good here. After all, it was only about fifteen centimeters long, and regardless of how pretty the Damascus steel was, I doubted that I could stun them with my taste or with the edge I kept. No, we were in for a slugfest where Crimson and I were the stars of the punch-gangbang. I didn’t want my blood to fly and I wasn’t sure if I could take on five guys with knives for fingers, but I hoped that lupa would have my back for what her size was worth.

Crimson Tide looked around and seemed a little less worried than he should have been. I did a quick scan and saw no weapons among them, at least none that were visible other than talons. There was an internal debate on whether I should be ditching Crimson to let him deal with his stupidity by himself, or to back him up. I made a mental note to deck him later and took up a position by his side with Lupa. I’d love to say that we made a formidable trio, but all we had was a pretty boy, a shaggy thief, and a wolf the size of your Mum's arse. Lupa was the scariest thing we had going for us, but I didn’t want her getting hurt on my watch. God forbid someone touch my fucking pupper and live to tell the tale. I’d be on them like a metaphor on a simile, or rather, a simile on an analogy.

“So, gentleman. What have we here, a little welcoming party? It seems awfully late to be gathering with friends, but I don’t mind.” Crimson flashed a winning smile. I swear I saw one of the Gryphons blush.

The Gryphon that led us there smirked. “Yeah, thought I’d introduce ya to some of my pals, eh?”

I had to put my hand over my mouth immediately. This man here had the thickest, most stereotypical Canadian accent I’d ever heard, and I died a little on the inside trying to hold back my laughs. I’d paid little attention when he’d been giving us near monosyllabic answers, but Christ. Thankfully, attention was on Lupa and Crimson or I believe we might’ve gotten jumped before I could get myself together.

“Well, how nice of you! Maybe we can all grab a drink on me. Well, a little later, I suppose For now, my friend and I just need to find a place to lay our heads; it was an awful long journey for us to get here.”

“Ya know, don’t get too many hosers like you fellas ‘round too often. Yeah, we got Scruff and Jam,” He threw a hand in the general direction of both Ponies respectively, “but there ain’t too many Ponies come around here without reason. The ones that do tend to have a few more bits than they need, if ya catch my drift.” His smirk grew and the surrounding group gave a few dark chuckles.

The bad feeling was back with a vengeance and I took inventory. Three throwing knives in my right hand, and three more in my left boot. One dirk in my left hand. A larger, new throwing knife in my right boot opposite the sheath for my dirk. I had a good shot at pissing off at least three of them and giving one a good shank before they pummeled us into a gooey, delicious, sarcastic, pulp. Crimson was trying to work some magic, but apparently, he wasn’t that kinda unicorn. I would say it wasn’t working out too well.

“Now, gentlemen, I’m sure we can come to some sort of agreement, yes? My friend and I will hand over half of our travel fund and we can all walk out of here while looking forward to a nice meal and a stiff drink. What do you say?” Crimson bargained, beaming. There was something wrong with his tone and choice of expression.

“Hmm,” The stocky fellow pretended to think, “nah. I don’t think we just want half.”

Crimson’s face turned placid. “I will break every bone in your body. This is going to be a great stress reliever.”

A few jaws dropped, mine included. However, instead of being stunned like the rest of them, I took the signal for what it was and started throwing as quickly as I could. The first hit the Pony named Jam in the face, but I didn’t stop to see where exacty. I didn’t even have time to grimace or think I just had to keep going until the danger was gone. Another knife was thrown with even more force and it caught a Gryphon in the throat, making the guy stumble and grab at it foolishly. Panic hit me and I threw the last that I had in my hand, hitting the guide in the chest unlike the other two. As my last knife flew so did Lupa, rushing the last Pony while he was staring at his dying friends. She lunged at him, maw agape and began ripping pieces off of him, his screams echoing throughout the hard, grey-bricked building until his last blood filled gasps permeated the air. My prior count told me that four Gryphons would be remaining for…

Christ, this is… This is kind of hard to write down. The last four were either busy being shocked or getting obliterated my Crimson and his lightning fast blows. I saw that he was taking two at the same time, both of the people he was fighting staying in some kind of hit-stun like it was a fuckin’ game. The two that weren’t busy dying or being hit saw Lupa too late. She’d sprung into action once more, taking one of them down and ending him much like his friend. I had enough time to grab my larger throwing knife as well as my smaller ones. The two Gryphons Crimson was taking down were easy pickings. Not for me, but for him. I hadn’t noticed, but when Lupa had taken down her second target, Crimson had actually finished one of them off and the guy was twitching on the ground while the second was being pummeled to fucking death, the cracking of his beak and breaking bones sending chills down my spine all too late.

I stopped watching and sent more knives into our former guide, my vision getting blurry even as my aim held true from years of practicing in the old church when I had the time and inclination to get better at my craft. The last one standing wised up quickly and began to run, so I fixed my grip on the larger knife and let it fly, the extra weight and momentum driving it deep into the taller Gryphons back just before Lupa bounded over to the staggered guide that had earned his friends a grizzly end, killing him by ripping his fucking face off… The… The guy I hit last... He dropped and I could see the terror and tears in his eyes when he realized he wasn’t getting back up. He had hesitated too long; Lupa and Crimson were on him, both of them forcing the poor bastard to give up the ghost. I looked around us, the area now awash in what felt to me like a sea of blood. Numb to my core, I collected my daggers from the bodies nearest to me while trying to hold myself together with Crimson returning the rest. I wiped them off on a nearby cadaver and resheathed them.

The Pony I’d killed had been hit in the eye. Gryphon number one, the guy I’d hit in the throat, had accidentally cut his own jugular. Gryphon I’d hit in the back… The one I’d killed when he’d given up… The knife hit him in the spine and he couldn’t have walked again even with magic. I killed three people. I fucking… I fucking up and killed three people when a solid beating would have solved the problem. Three people died by my own hand and I couldn’t hide behind anyone this time. I couldn’t lie to myself and say that I didn’t have anything to do with it directly. There was no changing the fact that Kaid Gadai had blood on his hands, and...

“Well that could have gone better. I hate it when they don’t listen.” Crimson sighed.

“... Yeah.” I nodded.

I stared as he and Lupa began dragging bodies to the alley, covering them in rubbish to hide them. I was shaking harder than I ever had in my life. Once they had finished, my eyes met Crimson's and he gave me an odd look. Lupa barked, licking the blood and gore from her lips and teeth. I promptly threw up against a wall and let the ache fade as it chose to do… I just wish that it hadn’t been so fast to flee, because I felt so much less Human for the remorse that left me in mere minutes.

… I need a break.

It was late when we got to an inn that would take Ponies and allow pets, but I’d been masked the entire time, talking and joking as much as I could while Crimson and Lupa just laughed or snorted in response to the material I presented to them. My partner gave a few of his own jokes and I made myself laugh, but Lupa held close to me and whined whenever I let the silence drag on too long. She knew that I was hurting inside, but I doubt she knew exactly why. My heart ached, but not because I’d given myself a new, terrible label. Not because I was a different creature than I’d been previous to the sunset of that Hearthday. When we got to the inn and sat down to get some food, but there was actual meat there that they had for me and Lupa, both of us appreciating the taste of real, good meat. However, after I’d eaten my steak-burger and paid for Lupa’s own slab, I quieted down and it just hit me all at once harder than it had before.

“What’s gotten into you, Max?” Crimson asked over a the rest of the meal, the dull chatter of the Halved Horn covering our conversation as other patrons laughed and had their times. “You kept getting all quiet on the walk over here and now you look like someone peed on your plate. The food’s not that bad.”

“I…” I began I couldn’t find the words.

How could I tell him that I’ve never actually killed anyone? I’d gotten people killed, usually not on purpose, and I usually didn’t even know until they just never showed up again or I read about it in the papers. I had finally soiled my hands with blood with (un)lucky shots at that. There was so much time in my life to practice throwing knives, but the guys I hit in the eye and throat were really just bad fuckin’ luck. I meant to hit the last guy, it just… At least the guide had a chance to leave, he just didn’t. And five of the seven could’ve flown away when I killed the first Pony... I had taken the lives of three people and contributed to the fourth without a second thought, regardless of whether I aimed to kill. Four sons, possibly fathers, brothers or lovers. All dead by my hand. One could say that all seven were on my conscience since I could’ve left Crimson and let him deal with his own mistake. My rationalizations couldn’t protect me from the sheer hatred of myself over what I had done, but it was guilt over the kills that were eating at my heart.

“Max. Look at me.” Crimson garnered my piecemeal attention. “Have you ever taken a life prior to what happened this evening?”

I shook my head. “... No. Not like that…”

He gave me a look full of pity and comprehension. Lupa whined with her head on my lap. She'd never left my side after we got her and Crimson cleaned up, and I was willing to bet it was because she could feel my distress. “You heard those stallions, Max. I rather doubt we would’ve walked away from that with a few bruises and a good story. And, on top of that, Princess Luna told me that you needed to be protected from heavy hits, so you’re kind of fragile, right? Bones less dense than a Pegasus?” I nodded. “Okay, so if those shit buckers wanted a piece of us, you probably would’ve died. You most likely weren’t going to walk away from that unscathed, Max, and the fact that you took my cue and acted before they could? It tells me that you’re a survivor and it’s down to your very core.”

“Crimson, I understand-”

“Do you? You, yourself, understand that you did what you needed to do to see the sunrise?

“Yes, but-”

“Max, Ponies? We’re generally pusillanimous in one way or another, but even we have survival instincts that tell us to hurt the ponies that want to hurt us. Don’t you dare feel bad for doing what you needed to in order to see another day. You have every right to feel bad, but you know what? You also have every right to pick yourself up and let those bastards stay where they are. Dead, where they can’t hurt anyone else.”

“I get it, mate... I really do get your point... Me or them; Kill or be killed. Whatever fuckin’ spiel you wanna spout. Fuck it, I get it.” I buried my face in my hands for a moment, the strength I had held onto for hours leaving me all at once. “I get it, but we could’ve handed over the money and ran. You coulda magicked them into leaving. We coulda fought it out without killing them. Hell, I know there was another way but it’s not the blood-guilt that getting to me right now, it’s the fact that I only felt bad about it long enough to see what we did and the aftermath. After that?” MY hands didn’t know what to do, so I just tapped the fuckin’ table. “What the hell kind of monster kills four people and walks away without a care in the world within minutes? What kind of monster feels nothing mere handfuls of minutes after ending lives? I’m a thief, mate. I’m a liar, a cheat, an arse, a loser, a shithead, a bastard, and a fuckin’ cunt when I want to be… But never, never, did I ever think I would be a murderer. Maximus Gadai has never once thought that killing someone was okay.” I finished in whispers.

He was silent for a few minutes. We both digested what I had said as I picked and pecked at the food on my place while Lupa sat on the floor. The chips were nice and salty, double crispy like I’d ordered. The plate was magicked or enchanted to keep them warm too, so that just made it easier to get through them. Fuck the tomato sauce though. Shit was more disgusting than it was on Earth. The three of us just sat there for a while, taking in the silence and the calm while it was there to be had. It was an unspoken thing between us, to just let the matter lie where it was for the time being. I didn't want to talk anymore and I was quite certain that everyone present knew it.

“You know this isn’t going to be the last time if you continue working for Princess Luna, right.” It wasn’t a question. Not the way Crimson said it.

“From the way you handled yourself, I figured as much. I’ll deal with this shit later, just… get over it. compartmentalize. Let’s just...” I took a deep breath and let it out to the count of ten, “let’s just focus on the task at hand. When do we leave for Hedard’s manor?”

Crimson gave me a worried look. “We can wait until tomorrow if you’re… indisposed. There’s no deadline to this mission, Max”

“The sooner it’s over the sooner I can go back. And we don’t know if anyone saw us when we flipped the roll. The sooner we get out, the better we’ll be.”

His face hardened. “Then shape up, my friend. We leave in two hours.”

I nodded and finished eating, passing off the rest of my fries to Lupa since Crimson couldn’t eat them without getting high. It was weird and I had a chuckle at that when he mentioned the fact as it lay. I needed it and busied myself with preparing in my room, getting bathed with unscented soap and changing my outfit so that the blacks and greys alternated like shadows on a moonlit night. We got moving before too long and I appreciated the fact that Crimson was different from most Ponies. He didn’t bother asking me if I was okay again and focused on keeping my head in the mission whenever it seemed to him like I was losing focus. That alone helped me push down the feelings of draconian brutality that were rampaging in my chest, but help doesn’t mean ‘solve’.

Hedard’s manor was supposed to be easier to find than a massage parlour that did a little extra in London. It was the biggest house around and was supposed to rival Canterlot’s estates in opulence. It was also said to be rather well guarded. Two men at every entrance from what the dossier detailed, though we weren’t going in through the front door. No, Crimson and I had scouted the place out once it was too dark to see much and found that someone had left a window open. The only problems were that it was on the first story and we didn’t know where exactly the artifacts were being kept. Safe money was that our prize was on the ground-floor so that just complicated things a little. Our entrance being on the first floor and the high wall around the estate meant that we’d have to leave Lupa behind at the inn. After we figured out that the Manor was hard for pups to get into, I told her to be ready to leave at a moment’s notice and she gave me a fuckin’ hug before cantering off back to the inn. I needed that hug more than I’d thought, but I was also amazed at the fact that she could walk on two legs rather competently. My pupper is the best pupper, and I’d returned the hug when I got it.

Once Lupa was away, Crimson asked, “So what do we do from here? This is supposed to be your op, after all.”

I took one look at him. “Get yourself over the wall and onto the ground. We’ll make our way over to the manor and you’ll go up first since you’re harder to see. Head up the to the first story with the window-"

"You mean the second floor?"

"I can’t see from here if I’ll hit you, so..." I swung and made light contact. Crimson hit back and missed, his hand landing on a tree. I continued as he hissed. "I meant the first fucking floor, you Imperial fuck. It's only the second floor to you. Anyway, I can't see if I'll have any handholds, but your coat should make you hard to see, so you first. I can get over this one myself, so deal with it. A little scouting never killed too many anyway.”

“I really don’t like the way you word things sometimes.”

Crimson kept pace with me as we got over the wall in our own ways up with no problems. He used a little levitation spell, but I’m a climber and my gloves were great. Both of us kept a lookout over the barely lit grounds for any signs of life. Once we were sure the coast was clear, we sauntered across the open ground and got to the window soundlessly. Crimson went up first and I found that the bricks jutted out well enough that I could scale it with few issues. I got the all clear from Crimson once he was inside and completed my ascent. Having climbed up more difficult walls in the past, that one wasn’t so bad. Once inside, I found that we were in an empty guest room. After a quick search, I found a few baubles that I felt it was within my right to keep, no matter the dirty looks I was getting from my partner.

“Do you really need the necklace?”

“No, but why not?”

“You’re ridiculous” He shot me a frown, though the edge of his mouth twitched.

“I’m a thief, mate. It’s damn near in my blood.”

“I’m sure the Princess will understand.”

I put the necklace back, slightly saddened by the treachery. “I better find that damned knife, otherwise I’m going to piss on you.”

“Shut up.”

We continued our endeavor, sweeping the first floor completely in about half an hour. I had Crimson move upstairs to sweep the relatively safer higher floor while I took the ground-floor, the one that would most likely be the best guarded. Turns out, I was right. I dashed from cover to cover, never allowing more than a minute squeak as I made my way around the floor. Every few minutes I ran into a guard patrol that I avoided by ducking into a room or staying still and silent in an alcove. My mission was halfway through when I found the treasure room.

It was rather pretty if you ask me, and my sticky fingers ached to grab every pretty little bauble I saw knowing that I could fetch a good price for each of them. I saw multiple swords of varying lengths, suits of armor, necklaces, brooches, pendants, rings, raw uncut jewels. In short; everything a thief could ever want. Every shiny thing I saw, I yearned for deeply, and since I was putting old skills to good use anyway…

I had to stop and remind myself of what I was looking for; A dagger, a crown, and nothing more. Repeating that mantra to myself over and over again until my hands stopped aching, I continued my search, weaving in and out of the somewhat dimly lit displays, more than a few still catching my eye despite the constant reminder. It took me a little bit to find exactly what I was looking for first; The Warbling Blade. It was clearly marked on its display, though the previous descriptions did it no justice at all. Granted, the name was wrong, but it was a beautiful Damascus hunting knife around twenty-five centimeters long, with a curved, shiny silver quillion that seemed like it would hold your finger just right, which rested on top of a lovely ebony handle that seemed to draw in light. The pommel was chased in silver and curved slightly forward to form an interesting looking face that looked like a Gryphon, though it was somewhat hard to tell: the image shifted and swirled, making it awfully hard to actually discern what it was. In other words, I had to have it. After doing a quick check around the case for any pressure sensitive plates or trips, I did another quick scan around the room, lifted the case and took the dagger along with the sheath that held it. When it touched it, I heard nothing except the odd howling of the wind that seemed to pick up once I added the sheath to my belt.

Fucking. Score.

With the Warbling Blade on my waist, I skulked over to the case that appeared to hold the crown or whatever I was actually looking for. Crouching low, I stopped and scanned it as I did the other case and found a pressure plate underneath it, which complicated things quite a bit. I was willing to bet that with the level of tech I’d seen so far in Equestria wasn’t advanced enough to have terribly sensitive pressure plates, so I just needed to find something heavier than the crown to place there. Looking took all of ten seconds before I facepalmed. I could just flip the case and be done with it. Not like I had to place a replica Indiana Jones style. I lifted the case carefully and set it on the pressure plate, being especially cautious as I slowly pushed the crown off. The crown fell and I caught it just in the nick of time as the alarm went off.

So much for my brilliant plan.

I raced upstairs and ran smack into Crimson, both of us staring wild-eyed as we retraced our steps back to the room we’d came in from. We could hear the guards tromping about, making their way toward our general direction as they swept each room. Without further ado, I held the Diadem of Sovereignty tightly and Crimson grabbed my shoulder, teleporting us outside with a little extra effort. He was winded from that, but it didn’t make much of a difference. We made a mad dash across the estate grounds toward the thick treeline that would hide us through the chase. The guards called out, but I couldn’t quite hear what they were saying.

I nearly slowed down after a while, and the look I got from Crimson told me to keep running, even if I was starting to get a little worn out. I didn’t exactly need any extra impetus to beat feet, so we ran like the Cerberus himself were after our arses, even if both of us were getting to the point of breathing raggedly. Once we broke the treeline and I saw Crimson look back every few meters to see if I was keeping up with him, I sped up a bit and tried to not die. I was barely maintaining pace on flat ground. After we got deeper into the forest, however, my agility and dexterity allowed me to maintain most of my speed, dodging trees and hopping over roots while Crimson had slowed a little. We kept up a high, unforgiving gait for as long as we could, finally stopping after climbing/levitating high into the safe cover of what seemed to be a sugar maple. I couldn’t tell the exact species because I’m not an arborialist or whatever and it was dark as hell. The tree's leaves were densely packed and provided excellent coverage from the air and ground, and that’s really all we gave a damn about.

Barring a tree to tree search, we wouldn’t be found and could catch our breath for a moment, or at least, I could. My lungs had been on fire a few minutes into the forest and I’d had a stitch in my side, which were both not terribly conducive to running. It had been a longer, harder run than I’d done at the castle, but I was still glad for the stamina boost. I was a duck and sprint kind of thief, not one much for a long haul and at the moment I could not be more envious of Crimson’s stupid Pony stamina. He was as out of breath as I was and he looked like he needed to be led to some water, but otherwise, his panting ended a full minute and a half sooner than mine and with no mentionable aches. We stayed in the tree for the rest of the night, and once dawn broke, I donned my cloak and we went back to the town of Hildegarten to collect Lupa.

It was a considerable walk, even with Crimson’s path-finding spell to lead our way. Turns out, he’d tagged myself and Lupa with a location spell when the bartender in Farrier gave us our drinks. I was none too happy about having a glorified GPS chip put in my drink and I doubt Lupa would be pleased either. If he’d told us about it we probably might’ve given our consent. Okay, that was a lie, but I still would rather have been asked. No matter how I felt about the issue, it was leading us back to my pup and we’d soon be out of Gryphonia altogether, back home where I could deal with the emotional trauma I had accrued. I knew it was going to suck when I had to sit down and face the person I was now, but I could hopefully just put it off until I grew into a cold heartless bastard incapable of feelings. Come to think of it, I’d rather just deal with the pain all at once. I have never been a fan of prolonging anything that can be handled quickly, but that doesn’t mean any part of me really wanted to look at Max the murderer...

We broke the tree cover and found Hildegarten in a frenzy with Gryphons and Ponies scurrying about like mice. After some inquiries, it turned out that our little party in the slums had been discovered and we needed to get out. Now-ish. We did as the Romans did and picked up the pace, power walking back to our inn. Guards stopped us twice on the way there, asking where we’d been yesterday, and since the exact time of the murders would have to be discovered by forensic Unicorns later, we were able to skate by on the grounds that the innkeeper of the Halved Horn vouched for our whereabouts. From there Lupa rejoined us and we got the fuck outta dodge via the forest, led by Crimson’s path-finding spell once more.

Seven or so odd hours later, we were back in Farrier with no events occurring on the trip back. We’d stayed in the forest for quite a while before getting close to the main road again since I didn’t really want to be seen with a bulging bag and a rather large knife on my hip. It wasn’t as uncommon in Hildegarten for people to carry weapons of various kinds, but in Ponyland? Thankfully the Warbling Blade had an extra strap that allowed me to carry it horizontally so I could hide it, but the bulging satchel was fairly obvious and we got a look or two in town. No one asked, no one said anything, and we weren’t stopped. Our little trio got to the Museum of Equestrian History a little after noon, weary and tired from the nonstop walking, though Lupa was fine of course. Crimson and I, on the other hand, were exhausted from going nearly forty-eight hours with no sleep and we were running on fumes by the time we hit the town. Previous little was keeping me on my feet and the prospect of going back home and maybe even going back to Ponyville… It made it seem more pertinent to keep up the pace I had set. My life was some kind of fucking fucked, but I could deal with it until I broke down. Knowing that it was coming somewhere down the line made me ‘sweat’, but still.

The same receptionist, Merry Melon, met us at the door, and after one look at our enervated expressions, she knew not to hold us any longer than she had to. That or she was just an expeditious kind of cutie. Yes, I thought she was cute, and no, not a whole lot of Ponies actually are. Either way, neither mattered; I was ready to be done and back in Canterlot before sunset and nothing, not even Ms. Sprinkles and her ‘affable charm’ could hold me back. Through my exhausted eyes I barely recognized the place I’d been only a day or two ago, though I did recognize Grape Sprinkles herself. Her sour expression hadn’t changed in the slightest, and it didn’t abate even as Crimson and I walked through the door behind Merry Melon. Before Merry got out of the way, however, she raised a brow and said something about tired stallions being the most polite. I didn’t get it and just shrugged it off.

“I suppose you have the Diadem of Sovereignty with you?” Grape asked, cutting straight to the point.

“We do.” I replied.

“Then why are you here? I thought I gave you your orders? You’re to return it to Canterlot, not bring it back here you fool. It’s a small marvel you were even able to reclaim the Diadem if you’re so incompetent!” She riposted. Bitch, you told me to bring it back so you could inspect it! I think... It's been a long day.

“Look here, ya bloody fucking twat, if I wanted to hear your condescending bullshit I’d just fuck ya and marry your bitter wrinkled arse.” Her eyes widened. “As it is, if ya don’t shut your fuckin’ trap, I’ll stick it closed with a knife. Ironically, the knife I was planning on bringing back to you is the knife I’ll do it with, so you can either thank me for being a nice fella, or you can shut the fuck up and we’ll be on our way, thank you very much,” I snapped back.

Crimson smirked wearily at Merry. “Tired and polite, right?

Sprinkles was silent for a moment, trembling a bit. “... Did you just threaten to stab me?”

“Is that really all you got from that?” My partner asked, as tired as I was.

“It was the most important part if you ask me, but I’m with you there,” I cut in.

He sighed and shook his head. “We brought you the Warbling Blade. I don’t see what’s so special about it, but Max apparently loves it. If you want it, we can leave it. If not, he’ll keep it.”

“We do not want that accursed thing here. Take it with you and please; Let the door hit you on the way out.” Sprinkles replied with some venom.

I whipped the blade out and presented it to her. Well, by slamming the point into her desk. “I’d want to keep this if I were you, it’s an awfully pretty piece.”

Sprinkles gave me a glare, ruined by the fact that she’d jumped and paled considerably. “That is most certainly not the Banshee’s Razor. The blade is-” Every eye in the room was on the blade as it transformed into a plain, smaller knife. It was worn with a simple light brown handle that seemed as though it had seen many years of love and care in its use. The thing had altered into a completely unremarkable piece."-Yes, we’ll keep it!” She nearly shouted.

I prepared my most shit-eating grin and let it go full-force. “Touch it.”

Grape looked between myself and Crimson, worry etching itself into her face for a moment before she tentatively extended a hand across her desk. The moment her finger made contact with it, the blade made the eeriest, cringeist, creepiest, most unsettling, most terrifying silence I had never heard. Every Pony in the room shivered and Grape Sprinkles retracted her hand rapidly, snatching it to her chest and holding it as if she had been bitten. Crimson and Merry Melon cringed as if they were watching Twilight Fanfiction in action. When I looked at Lupa, she tilted her head. I raised an eyebrow at the reaction of the Ponies.

“That was entertaining and well worth the pit-stop. I think I’ll keep it, seeing as how you kind ladies can’t use it.” I picked up the blade and it warped back to the form I was familiar with.

“How- What!? We need to study it, to catalog it, understand it!” Merry Melon nearly shouted.

“How do you plan to study it if you can’t even touch it? It’ll stay with me until further notice, and in case you and Sprinkles don’t remember, I was told to keep it. I was told that you didn’t want it, but now that it’s interesting, you’re oh-so possessive.” Yeah, I was being a dick at that point, but I was also planning on letting them study it, of course,. Even in my exhausted state I still love screwing with people.

“What do we have to do to convince you, Maximus? Anything within our grasp, you’ll have, just name it!” Melon and Sprinkles were looking at me intently, and I could tell that they were getting desperate. My only question now was whether to screw with them some more or just hand it over.

“I don’t know, I went through an awful lot of trouble to nab this, ladies. What do you have that could persuade me? I’m friends with at least one of the ruling Princesses, so I’m pretty sure their favor could land me just about anything I could want. I didn’t see anything in your museum that caught my interest and the only thing I want at the moment,” I grinned at the receptionist, remembering the first time I’d visited the museum with Lupa, “is a slice of something tasty and refreshing. Maybe some... Melon? I’ve heard it’s sweeter around these parts, and people merrily share, no?.”

The mare in question was blushing up a storm and Sprinkles looked outraged that I’d even suggest such a thing. Crimson, meanwhile, was trying not to laugh and was failing. Before things got worse, I forestalled Sprinkles’ outburst with a raised hand, but Melon said, “I thought you were nicer since you weren’t ogling my flank this time, but no! You’re an even bigger ass!”

“Relax, I’m kidding. You can study the knife, but I want you to send it to me once you’re finished.”

Sprinkle pinched the bridge of her nose, gritting her teeth. “We can’t study unless you’re around. We need you to stay here so we can delve deeper into its mysteries.”

“Not happening, love. I’m going back to Canterlot tonight, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me on this. I’m ready to get out of the field.” I just wanna go make mac some fuckin' mac n' cheese and nobody can stahp me! God, I’m getting out there. It’s nap time.

Sprinkles sighed and drummed her fingers on the table. “Then there’s no point in keeping it here, or your annoying self. Take it and go; I don’t want to deal with you anymore.” She massaged her temples. I’ve noticed I had that effect on people.

Crimson and I left while the sun was just beginning to set. We walked and talked a little more, both of us chuckling at my antics at the museum. Lupa nipped my leg while we were laughing at Melon’s reaction, so she obviously didn’t approve, but it was worth it to see Melon’s and Sprinkle’s faces after my sultry insinuations. Farrier was still a smallish town, so we arrived at the Teleportation Station in no time, but that’s not to say that we didn’t stop for a bite to eat. Even if I would’ve rather had something salty and delicious, I could still appreciate a soft pretzel with fresh, slightly spicy nacho cheese. Mexico? Specifically Mr Ignacio? I officially thank you for your service~

When we stopped outside of the Teleportation Station, I decided to get a little sappy. “Glad you were my partner on this, Crimson. Can’t think of any other Pony I would rather have had with me.”

Crimson extended a hand. “It was my pleasure. Who knows, maybe we’ll work together again sometime? If you keep working with Princess Luna it’s likely.”

We shook. “Don’t know if I will.” I drew a deep breath and sighed. “I’m none too happy about what we did. The actual mission part I wouldn’t mind doing again, but I don’t know if I can take any more blood on my hands.”

“Understandable, not everypony can do my job. If I were you, I would just be glad I made it through in one piece.”

“I am. Why don’t you come to Ponyville some time? I've got a house there, and I know the area pretty well. We could grab a drink at the local bar, and I could probably get you laid.” I gave him a cheeky grin.

“I don’t have much trouble on that front, buck-bone. Goodbye, and good luck.”

“Oi, what does ‘buck-bone’ mean? Dick?”

“Yes, yes you are.” Crimson began walking toward the town and raised a hand with his back towards me.

I didn’t bother waving back, instead opting to go into the Teleportation Station. Lupa led us as we met a brown, Day Guard stallion who waved us onto the runes without a word. It was par for the course for Day Guards to be pricks at this point, so I was just grateful to not have to trade niceties for once and closed my eyes. A moment later, I opened my eyes and the place I’d left what felt like a lifetime ago greeted me. It was somewhere I didn’t really care about being until the face of the mare I had met before my departure came into my line of sight with a pleasant smile.

“How’d your trip go?” Velvet asked brightly.

“Fuckin’ sucked, love. Got a sip of something?”

Author's Notes:

So... This... This done uh... Well, I actually rewrite this particular chapter a while ago and it only came out to around 8k... Then I went back through it, decided to touch it like it was my genitals, and beat a better version out of the bones I'd built for myself...

Hell yeah...?