As I’m writing this, I can’t help but feel like I could have done something to make the past couple of days go by smoother. Regardless, a fellow has to deal with the hand he’s dealt; thus is the life of a criminal, even as they try to reform.

Before I start complaining about my luck, I’d like to record the events of my first couple of days in Canterlot, after Celestia teleported us into the cesspool of nobility that is the Equestrian Capital. I’d finished my third walk around the castle grounds to familiarize myself with the layout. Unfortunately, I’d had no time nor the inclination to go into the city itself, but with my left arm still heavily bandaged, I didn't feel terribly safe going into an unknown place without being combat ready anyways. By the time the sun had set, I’d had an adequate mental map of the place and was on my way to meet Celestia and her sister, Luna, for dinner/breakfast. I found it peculiar that they had such a system, seeing as how Celestia would no doubt take the brunt of any political issues and Luna would have little to do throughout the relatively calm nights. My time in Ponyville had shown me that crime was rare, malicious crime even more so, but, I digress.

The royal dining room was easy to find seeing as how I’d ended up there three or so times during my first stroll about the premises. At first, I thought it was a servant's lunchroom or something of the like because of it’s spartan decor. I was quickly corrected by a standing guard and frog-marched away the other times I wound up there. I didn’t see how it mattered either way, but I guess a job worth having is a job worth doing.

This time there was no silent, armored statue to bar my entry. Instead, there was a dapper looking servant who opened the door for me. I nodded to him and stepped inside, giving a small smile and a wave to Celestia and the midnight blue mare who must have been Luna. I was received with a bright smile and a scowl.

Three guesses as to who delivered what, and the first two don’t count. Don’t misunderstand, while Celestia’s warm smile just enhanced her milfy goodness, Luna’s sub zero scowl gave the impression of an untouchable yet beautiful ice queen. Honestly, one could say she rivaled her sister in her own way, but the general hostility coming from her was awfully off-putting.

“Max! I see you’re finding your way about the castle easily enough. This is my sister, Luna,” She gestured toward her, “Sorry we started without you, but this has always been our time to chat.” Celestia gave me an apologetic smile and I waved her acquisition aside with my good hand.

“It’s fine, Celestia. I imagine I’d like to speak with someone my age if I were an immortal ruler.” I sat and relaxed, pouring myself a cuppa and nabbing a biscuit before turning to the dour-faced Luna.

“Good Evening Princess, any news on the upcoming events of Night Court?” I asked while measuring her carefully. She seemed as if she disliked me already, so I figured I’d try to be pleasant.

“It will be as tedious as it always is.” Luna replied with a splash of disdain.

“I’m sorry to hear that Princess, but-”

“Do not offer us pity, ape. And do not presume to speak with us as thou see fit!” Luna hissed at me. Well that was rude and rather uncalled for.

“I’ve heard little about you. I didn’t even know there were two Princesses until I asked Twilight Sparkle about the royal family. The populace fears you.” Celestia winced while Luna’s scowl deepened. “I don’t know why, and I don’t particularly want to know. Just know that I am a foolish man who frankly doesn’t give a damn. Politeness and respect work both ways” I replied evenly, shoving the conversation elsewhere.

“Then why wouldst thou bring up such a matter in the present if thou carest not? Dost thou simply wish to reopen wounds, old and new? And it would most certainly seem that you require far more work on both, knave.” Luna spat. Celestia was looked as if she was about to say something before I spoke.

“My point is that we both have a past we’d rather move on from. I won’t judge you for yours if you provide me the same amnesty.” A reasonable offer, if I do say so myself.

I need to learn to stop being wrong. Luna’s navy blue eyes flared with anger, and I knew that I done goofed.

“Thou… Thou hast ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE OF THY PLACE, PLEBEIAN! A petty thief does not bargain with Royalty! We have never been so-”

“Luna.” Celestia all but whispered

Luna calmed visibly, but still seemed quite furious. I, however, sat there with the exact same expression, though my eardrums rang from the sheer volume of Luna’s diatribe.

“We do not shout at friends, we do not insult friends, and we most certainly do not burn bridges with friends before they’ve even been built.” Celestia spoke calmly. I could feel the heat radiating from her ‘hot’ body and felt frigidity emanating from the other side of the table. It didn't strike me as terribly wise to remain in such a position for much longer.

Luna seethed and I lightly fingered my dirk. It felt like a Mexican standoff between a lion, a tiger and a crippled chihuahua, though I suppose that would be my fault.

"It's disappointing that we already have to wipe the slate clean, but if you're willing-" I started.

"Another time, Max. Let's just eat." Celestia sighed.

All in all, the food was good and the scenery was nice. Luna may have been an unwarrantedly angry twat, but she was still quite the piece of eye candy if I do say so myself. My only complaint is that Miss Moon Moon was such a foil in almost every regard to her down-to-Earth sister that it almost made me feel sorry for her. One can only imagine the friends you get acting like that, if any at all. Her old fashioned attire and verbiage definitely didn't do her many favors, especially since it felt like she was a blue, equine version of Bloody Mary

The night ended with Celestia casting some pretty heavy healing magic on my arm that started getting a good amount of the shards of bone together. Needless to say, I wasn't conscious for any of it seeing as how the break was bad enough that I would've lost my arm if there was no magic here. Just writing about it.... I can't help but think what would've happened had I never came here. An injury like this probably couldn't have been patched up period, even if I did have the scratch to cover the costs. Hell, if I was lucky, someone would just put me out of my misery: What good is a thief with one hand? He can't pick locks, easy to notice and hard to forget. Even if I wasn't popular with some of the underground circuits, I'd still be marked as an easy target as soon as I hit the streets: dead within the week.

I thought about It a lot while I was in the hospital and the only positive path I saw was the one I happen to be on. If I stayed in England, my arse would have been used up or too injured to continue, getting me a permanent home face down in some gutter or shallow grave. But here? Here in Equestria, with the people around as friendly and forgiving as they are? I could make a life here. Here I can see myself settling down and doing honest work, even though starting a family might be out, I can still adopt and be... Well, happy. As I'd sat at a desk provided for me in my posh castle lodgings I felt my eyes water and my heart grow heavy. I knew then that before I could start a new life, I would have to clear the air so to speak, reach catharsis. Tomorrow, I tell Celestia about Maxwell.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next day I woke up after the usual recurring nightmares, except that the severity was far worse than usual. As much as I tried to 'break' the dream and wake up, I simply couldn't. Revenants of my past (namely my mother, father and Maxwell) kept trapping me in my own subconscious, throwing emotional trauma from years before around like hot potatoes, almost as if my subconscious was trying to dredge up every negative memory. Dawn had barely broken and I was already exhausted.

After a quick shower and shave, I headed to breakfast feeling slightly better and thought about the conversation I was going to have with Celestia. I considered weaving it into a fine 'how-do-you-do?', but settled on just asking her for a word. Of course by now, I should’ve realized that nothing ever goes as expected. Just two halls away from the Royal Dining Room, I came face to face with some snooty looking tosser with a ridiculously kempt, superman-esque hairdo. Upon greeting the scum, he promptly informed me that his stature forbid me from speaking to him, as ponies were superior beings, and that his name was Blueblood. Prince Blueblood to be exact. To my memory, he was still pissing himself (metaphorically) over a little spit on his shoe when I arrived at the dining room. I peeked in and saw Celestia sipping either juice or wine, though Luna was nowhere to be found.

“Morning, Celestia. Did you sleep well?” I inquired

“Never use machines to do a stallions job, Max. Though I guess you’ll never have the issue.” Celestia muttered back. I didn’t know how to respond to her greeting, so I stacked a platter high with various fruits and biscuits. Looking across the table toward Celestia, the bags under her eyes contrasted her brilliant white coat like ink on snow. I had no idea what she’d meant, but I could tell that wasn’t the only thing on her mind.

“Are you alright, Celestia? I offer half-off hugs if you want one before I annihilate breakfast.” I half joked.

Celestia gazed at me for a moment like she was sizing up prey… A vexing circumstance when dealing with an herbivore.

“Amusing, but you won’t be able to say that soon, so get it out of your system. I swear, you’ve a kind of humor fit for a clumsy Jester.”

“And you have a sense of humor that’s more flavorful than Spotted Dick.”

Celestia looked at me like I was crazy, and I gave her a cheeky grin.

“I don’t know what you mean, but I’ll take it as a compliment” She replied, looking a bit more lively.

“If you wanted a compliment, I assure you I can do better than that, love.” I flirted shamelessly. My food was completely forgotten.

“Oh? Do you think you can?”

“Of course!” I rose and sashayed over to her, bowing next to her in a grand gesture. I took her hand, kissed it lightly and looked her in her magenta eyes. Amusement gleamed with few traces of her former exhaustion.

“My dear Celestia,” I paused for dramatic effect, and to modify some of my favorite compliments to fit a pony, “Your eyes gleam like the purest morganite, your fair coat glistens in the Sun! Your grace is nearly palpable in every minute move you make! Your mane so luscious and lustrous, and your sheer beauty is a blessing for those with sight! Your allure,” my innocent grin turned to a devious smile, “ is amplified exponentially with every cup size and every sway of that plump posterior you tote around”

Surprisingly, Celestia didn’t even blush at my naughty compliments, though I think I was more surprised when she stood and whisked me off of my feet. I had no time to react as she entreated me to a warm, delicate kiss that made my knees wobble and my mind turn to static. Here I was, kissing a Princess in her own castle! Me! Of all people, I figured I had one of the worst shots, but life is strange like that. She held me there for lord knows how long before she came up for air. Celestia caught my arms to keep me from falling as I tilted, dizzy from lack of oxygen. My eyes blurred to meet hers and she gave me a warm smile

“You really are quite the charmer, but I hope you haven’t gotten your hopes too high just yet.” She quipped, still smiling

“I’m just wondering if we’re going to be doing more snogging anytime soon. I could definitely get used to that.” I rasped in return. Granted, I was never much of a ladies man in the first place, but I’d never gotten a kiss like that. Ever. If Celestia wanted to do that again, she’d hear no complaints from me.

“It could be an activity we partake in more often, though we should likely do it elsewhere, I believe the eyeful my staff has just received will likely circulate throughout the castle posthaste.”

Surely enough, I looked around to see various ponies quickly turn away after our little moment of passion and a slight blush crossed my face. It wasn’t that I was terribly embarrassed, no, just the opposite. A small number of ponies just witnessed some of the best luck of my life and the pride I felt made itself evident upon my face. Celestia smirked at me and returned to her seat, gesturing for me to do the same, so I did. It was a pleasant breakfast, considering the blue cunt's absence. She finished up breakfast and some of the castle staff cleared the tables, save the plate I’d yet to touch. Celestia moved to leave the room before I caught her.

“Celestia, might we have a word?” I asked tentatively.

“I have a moment before Day Court starts, what do you need?” she replied kindly

“It’ll take more than a moment, and I’d prefer it with some privacy. Something’s been weighing on me for years now, a story I have to tell. I think I trust you enough to tell it to you."

Celestia easy smile faded as she took my right hand. Her look of mild lust and airy merriness had been replaced by a look of concern. She waved her staff out of the room, and once it was cleared, we sat down.

“You’ll have my confidentiality, and if you trust me enough to tell your story, then you’ll know I won’t betray you.”

“Then allow me to begin. Please hold your questions until the end, I’m kind of going panic mode right now. First things first, my name isn’t Max, it’s Kaid. I chose to give the citizens of Ponyville because names hold a lot of power in England, might get you arrested some days. I borrowed my oldest friends name.” I paused to cast a quick glance at Celestia who didn't seem terribly surprised. I voiced my observation.

“It’s not uncommon for thieves to go by pseudonyms, I thought that Max was one of a few aliases you may go by.” Celestia responded.

“It’s the only one I go by. To explain, once my shitty mother passed away, I lost hope, my reason to keep going. I met Max during a job; we’d both been assigned to the same job by some fool who thought neither of us had the skill to carry it out. As it was, we battled towards the drop point, stealing the chalice we were hired to grab from each other as we made our way towards the employer. It turned out that both of us appreciated a good challenge and by the time we got to the drop point, we’d agreed to split the pay.”

“How noble. I suppose there is a bit of honor amongst thieves.”

“Only like minded ones. After that, we took our jobs together, the indefatigable duo, shadows of the night. We eventually became known as the ‘Midnight Strollers’ in the underground and it was a well warranted nick as we basically strolled through Wiltshire and the surrounding towns and took what we wanted. Things went well for a year or so. We had enough to keep us happy and each other to ease our sufferings. We fought like brothers, ate like brothers and we were… Alright. Before my sixteenth birthday, Max fell ill, some kind of advanced cancer, probably from the copious amount of fags-”

“What?” Celestia interrupted incredulously.

“Fags, smokes, stogies, whatever you want to call them.” I replied evenly.

“Just to be clear, we’re not talking about homosexual stallions, correct?”

“Uh, yeah, not talking about twinks, May I continue?” She gestured for me to go on. “Max died. It wasn't pretty, and it was not quick, and I abandoned him in his last days. See? Takes all the drama out of it when you interrupt someone in the wrong place.”

Celestia looked at me aghast, her look of concern turning to one of disbelief and eventually one of deep sadness. She being who she is, I felt no need to explain that I couldn’t look as my brother slowly died, that I was a coward who couldn’t let his sickness damage the only happy memories I’d had in years. I imagined that she’d understood like she’d done the same thing.

“I have no words for you Max, or should I call you Kaid? We both know that was the wrong thing to do, but I know you regret this from the bottom of your heart,” she sighed and rubbed her temple, “You most certainly are different from ponies, but I know there’s goodness in you. If there wasn’t, I doubt you would’ve told me all this in the first place.”

“Please, Kaid isn’t who I am anymore. I’d like my life here, however long I stay, to be that of a new beginning, new name and all.”

“Then Max it is. I’m sorry to counsel and run, but I really only did have a moment, my little Human. I’ll have to see you tonight.”

“Oi, I ain’t little! One hundred and seventy-five centimeters doesn’t strike me as little; you’re just too damn tall!”

“Be that as it may, I still have to go.” Celestia wrapped me in a tight, glorious hug and gave me a peck on the cheek before she left me to demolish the plate I’d originally made. Clearing that burden from my shoulders made me absolutely ravenous.

I spent my day meandering about the castle once more, walking through the maze just outside of the castle once (my patented right hand on the wall trick saw me through once I got lost) and I visited the guards’ training ground. Now, I’ve little love for authority on a good day, but since these were effectively my favorite Princess’ people it was more interesting to watch them go about combat and drills. Well, that and I wasn’t on their bad side yet. My stroll took me the better part of the afternoon, but that left me with a good chunk of the evening to do nothing with, so I began reading some choice literature, including something that kind of explained why Luna was so grating. It didn't make me feel bad for her in the slightest, but it did give me some insight.

I opted to skip the evening meal in lieu of continuing my literary endeavors (not that I was avoiding anyone in particular) and brushed up further on Equestrian history, which oddly enough turned out to be eerily similar to some of the American history I’d read in my off time. Celestia’s true age kinda rang home once I realized that she’d been alive and prevalent through all of the book. I was in the middle of glassily staring out into the ether when I heard a knock on my door.

“It’s open!” I called out as I made my way over. My visitor entered in the form of one of the castles butlers, who then offered to take me to Celestia’s private chamber. I couldn’t help but wonder if I was going to get to lay a Princess tonight.

Author's Notes:

Fixed the chapter number and shit went blank. fixed it. Sorry for the long hiatus but no motivation coupled with moving and lack of inspiration means shit don't get done. Shit almost didn't get done anyway. Keep on being cool, kids

Edit: Not much changed. Fixed some grammatical errors that annoyed me, but that's the bulk of it.