To pick up from where I left off because I was about to send myself down memory lane, Twilight licked my face like the strange little lady she is and I wiped her slobber off on her arm since it came from her anyway. It's not like I haven't been tongue-deep in her mouth anyway, but still. The rest of my visit at Fluttershy’s was pretty tame since we avoided painful topics and kept things pretty light, all things considered. My wife and I eventually went home and Noir accompanied us, though she didn’t third wheel us or anything since she had better shit to do apparently. I can’t say that I was terribly upset about it since Noir had (And still has in general) better shit to do than babysit me while Twilight was around.

Once we were home, my supportive little lover asked, “So what do you want to do now? We could do some reading, take a walk wherever you’d like…” She trailed off, giving me a kind smile.

I felt my face flush a little. “I know it’s an odd request, but would you mind holding me for awhile?”

She got a head start on it a few seconds after the words left my mouth as she came in for a hug. “Of course not! You know, I like being the little spoon, but being the big spoon is always fun.”

I held her head to my chest and hummed for a moment. “I have a feeling that you’ll get more chances.”

“I’ll take ‘em!” She giggled, either ignoring or missing the double meaning to my words.

“Well, as long as you’re in charge, where do you want to go?” I asked, seeing as how we were standing in the Dining Hall.

Twilight gave me an easy smile. “I liked the big bean bag thing in the Blue Room. Maybe we could bring it over to our room for a little while?”

I returned her smile. “Sounds good to me.” I snapped my fingers and my will was done. My will being shifting to or room and moving the bean-bag sofa into said room. It usually would have taken two snaps, but no one man should have all this power. Man, I could’ve started a moving company…

Where was I?

Oh yeah, cuddle time.

My wife gave me what I asked for in the form of a hug from behind, during which she let me rest my head against her chest. Being in her warm, loving arms staved off the general feeling of hopelessness that seemed to be the norm, and her occasional kisses kept a smile on my face. I let the new memories wash away a little of the sting from the old ones, but it honestly couldn’t do much in the long run. I recognized that I was going to need serious help and time to get back to some semblance of normalcy, but as I thought about how nice it would be to no longer be haunted by beings that were officially weaker than I’d ever been in my life, I wondered why I was still fucked up after having gotten my pounds of flesh after the first hundred years of their suffering, let alone the billions upon billions that followed. It was a curious conundrum that God had some input on.

Again, we don’t really speak in ‘words’ per she most of the time, but we do communicate, and God basically told me that I wasn’t allowed to fix myself because all Capital G’s are supposed to suffer for an entire lifetime. That lifetime was limited to what our original ‘clock’ from birth read, but either way, I’d fit a lifetime of suffering into five. Fucking. Years. My ‘fate’ only ‘broke’ when I hit the requirements, and there were a fucking lot of them, that all equate to life sucking fiercely. Being killed, raped, having a child die, killing one of your own children, committing at least two acts of genocide, slaying someone more magically powerful than you, and a whole slew of other bullshitty bullshit things that were just unnecessary to find a suitable candidate. I suppose it makes sense to make ultimate power more than a little difficult to obtain, but for my sake. Like, Maxdammit!

Me, I love swearing in my name. I love it when other people swear in my name. Shit’s great.

Anyway, so after my little mental morpheme match with the Almighty, I got comfortable in Twilight’s arms and tried not to let my salt seep over into her body, which I succeeded at since I’d already known that I wasn’t going to be able to cure myself so easily. It was pretty fucking shite to have a solid answer on the subject, however it wasn’t as… Scary, is a word for it. Horrifying is another, but whichever word you want to use, it was less of the preferred word when I was with Twilight. Knowing that the road to recovery was going to be long and arduous was one thing, but seeing that the path so far had held little more than flashbacks and anxiety was another.

When my thoughts started to derail and I let my mind wander from the sanctuary that Twilight provided me, she reeled me back in by asking, “What’s on your mind, Amour? Something has you backsliding, I can feel it.”

“Honed in on my emotions, are we?” I jested weakly.
“Of course, Amour. I want to know when you start hurting so I can be there for you.” My precious wife murmured softly, stroking my hair to keep me calm.

I sighed and let the sound of Twilight’s heart break up the bad thoughts. “Thank you. This. This right here helps a lot more than you could know.”

“I’m just glad to have you back in my arms again.” She sighed.

“Glad to be back, Cherry.” I said softly.
We stayed on the oversized bean-bag for a while longer, and though I know the exact amount of time we were there, I just don’t feel it necessary to record. Oddly enough, that makes me think back to the day I got lost in the Everfree when I tried to find the Naga so they could teach me to hunt. The pocket-watch I got earlier that day is still a part of my everyday loadout. Thinking of the difference in my life now since then… Weird. However, some things stay the same, and sleeping with Twilight was as great as always. As comforting as it had been to be sheltered in her arms, it was more satisfying for me to hold her, to shield her since it was still my duty to protect my wife, regardless of my mental state.

Twilight eventually slipped into slumber, but another thing that sucks about being a Capital G is that we don’t technically sleep. No matter what, we’re aware of what’s going on around us, and when you’re as strong or stronger than Universe Six-Two-Six’s God, that sphere of awareness can breach other universes. As it was, I couldn’t meditate because the thin veneer of sanity I was wearing wouldn’t be able to handle me entering my mind. The risk of an errant memory coming to bear scared me off of that idea, and it had been years since I’d spoken to any of the Others since entering my mind in the Heavens would have just prolonged my suffering, so I wasn’t sure if they even wanted to see me.

I tried to keep my mind clear throughout the night, but I accidentally woke Twilight up a few times when my emotions got out of control. The last time was just as the Sun was breaking the horizon, just a few hours after the previous episode. Twilight was already holding my head to her chest, so when she woke up, she just held me a little tighter.

“What was it this time?” Twilight asked, concern working its way into her sleepy voice.

“The thought of this being a dream.” I whispered.

She gently tugged on my ear. “How’d that feel?”

“It felt like I’m sorry for waking you up again.”

“It’s okay, Amour, but I get the feeling that you haven’t slept at all.”

“I don’t need to anymore. I can’t, to be honest.”

“Oh… So… What did you do all night?” My wife inquired, waking up a bit.

“Listened. Tried to make new memories that would replace the old ones and add to what I already have of our time together.”

“So you tried to avoid thinking.”

I was already cuddled up as close as I could get, so I just nuzzled her a bit for understanding so easily. I didn’t have anything to say, so Twilight carried on with, “I don’t really know of a way we can protect you from your thoughts, but I do know that I want you to come to me whenever it gets to be too much, okay? There’s no need for you to suffer when I can do my part, alright?”

“... Right. Thank-”

“That also means I don’t want you to think of yourself as a burden.”
“... Right.” I said, doubt creeping into my voice.

“Maximus, I leaned on you for two long years while you were struggling with the same thing I was, and you pulled through for me. Even when you had your bad days, you still told me that everything would be alright, encouraged me to never give up hope. You told me that there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and though I couldn’t stay strong for you, you’ve always been stronger than me. It’s my turn to lead you to the end of the tunnel, Amour, and this time I know we’ll make it.” Twilight said, her voice full of resolve and love, both of which made me feel better about the road ahead.

Sadly, that brought a question to my lips. “What if it’s not guaranteed?”

Twilight chuckled. “Then we get used to some new little roadblocks in our life. Trust in me, Max. It’s time for the harbinger to take over as the vanguard.”

I mulled that over for a bit. “... I-”

“It’s non-negotiable.” Twilight said briskly. “You’ve surpassed above and beyond with what you’ve done for me, my handsome little Human, and I fully plan on reciprocating.”

“I’m still tougher than you.” I said.

“But I still get to boss you around, right?” My wife asked lightly.

“Only if you’re nice about it.” I chuckled.

“Since when am I not nice? Other than when it comes to someone messing with you, that is.” Twilight challenged.

“You’re mean to me all the time! You hold me and kiss me and snuggle- Wait, I like those. Nevermind.”

My wife giggled and curled a lock of my hair. “It’s nice to see that your sense of humor is still intact.”

“Can’t stop me from being funny. Hell, you can’t even stop me from being heart-stoppingly handsome.” I jested.

“And the bravado was a little less missed, but it’s still a part of you.” Twilight kissed my forehead.

“You say that like me being arrogant is a bad thing.”

“Only when you actually start getting full of yourself.” She replied breezily.

“Oi! I’m never actually full of myself, I just pretend to be and laugh at the results.”

“That’s what you say now, Mister.” Twilight let me go, so I forced myself to leave her embrace for our morning kiss.

Once our lips parted and we’d had a couple more kisses just because, Twilight and I prepared for our day in the usual way, but when I went to beautify Twilight as per the usual, I couldn’t do much to her effervescent Alicorn hair, and her makeup was pretty much unnecessary, but it still made her feel prettier, so I applied it anyway. The Sun rose while we were finishing with getting dressed, so we went down to breakfast and I savoured the flavour of steak and hash browns with various different condiments. I missed worcestershire with a passion, and Gryphonian sausage-gravy was Heaven to my taste-buds.

Tender and Digit came during my second steak, so I finished it by freezing time and gave them a smile when I was done, my teeth free and clear of debris. “Wotcher. It’s about time to get to work, yeah?”

“Good morning! Max woke up!” Twilight said happily.

Tender gave me a worried smile. “It’s good to see you up and… Well, eating for one. Talking at conversation volume. Did I mention that it was good to see you, Max? It really is.”

Digit nodded. “It’s nice to have you back, Boss.”

I gave them both a smile. “It’s good to be back. I’m sure you two have been feeling the pressure while I’ve been down and out, and I’d like to thank you both for stepping up. It really does mean a lot to me.”

Tender gave me a warm smile. “It’s my responsibility to clean up after you, Max. It’s pretty much my job description.”

Digit rubbed his ear. “It’s really been no issue. Crimson Tide, on the other hand, has been filling your shoes more and more by the day.”

I turned to Twilight and raised a brow. “Should I be worried about that?”

She gave me a gentle smile. “Onyx and Fancy encouraged him to fill your shoes since you two seem to think alike most of the time. Crimson tends to play it safer than you do, though.”

I smirked. “So people like his way-”

“Oh no, I keep getting complaints about Crimson neutering the training regimen.” Tender said drily. “Most ponies think he’s too soft to take over for you in the long run.”

I had to laugh at that one. “Ah, that’s fuckin’ great! I can’t wait to get back in action.” I folded the napkin on my lap and placed it next to my plate after patting my lips.

Twilight got her post-breakfast kiss and smiled. “Remember that I’ll be there in mere moments if you need me, Amour.”

I gave her another kiss for being super sweet. “Reminder remembered. Thank you, Cherry.”

“Aww!” Tender sighed. “It’s nice to see that you two are as sweet as ever.”

Twilight blushed and said, “We try.”

I scoffed. “No we don’t, you’re just too sweet to keep my lips off of.”

“And you’re too warm and cuddly to not hug, but I don’t want anyone getting jealous.”

We both chuckled at that and went our separate ways after one more kiss, finally heading out to get our respective piles of shit done. I blew through my work in less than a minute because there was no need for it to take me more than that. Seriously, if I could wave my hand and understand the implications of all of the decisions that were on my desk, then why would I not just do that? The lack of work on my table meant that I had nothing to do for a little bit, so I told Tender that I would be back momentarily and headed to Earth for a little bit so I could pick up a thing that I wanted.

When I came back from Earth, I had a 3DS in my hands and was making my way through Alpha Sapphire because I had time to blow. Tender finished up her work by the time I shoved my foot into Roxanne’s Nosepass via Grovyle (Treecko best starter, fuck Torchic), and we got out and onto the Training Grounds after a quick lunch. Twilight was glad to see that I hadn’t panicked or freaked the fuck out over the course of four hours, and I was glad that I wasn’t getting tired of the Calitu berries I’d made to help with the flashbacks..

As we made rounds about the Training Grounds, I garnered the occasional stare from just about everyone, but I didn’t let it get to me as I supervised the sparring. I didn’t know where Crimson was, so I instructed the guards to start going for full contact after I got them some pads since they were going through the motions, but not actually doing anything that I would call training. There were people running the obstacle courses, but Crimson had lowered the limit on those as well, so I raised them back to where they should have been as I made my way over to Fleur, who was watching an OIT (Operative in Training) I didn’t recall meeting run the course with a few hiccups. It wasn’t enough to make me worry about their health, but there was definitely room for improvement.

When I stood next to Fleur, Tender stood next to me. My Operator didn’t seem to notice me until she happened to glance my way, but when she laid eyes on me, they lit up and she embraced me quickly. “Max! My dear friend, you’re awake!”

I hugged her back and rocked her from side to side. “I’m back, Fleur. Glad to see that you missed me.”

She held me at arm’s length and gave me a watery smile. “I was certain that you weren’t going to come back, at least, not like the Max I know.”

I gave her a sad smile. “The Max you know is having quite a time of it, but he’s getting better. It’s really nice to see you again, Fleur.”

My Operator returned my smile with one of her own. “It’s nice to see you as well, Max. If you ever need anything-”

“I know. You’re pretty high on the list anyway.” I chuckled.

She patted my cheek patronizingly. “I’d better be, Maximus. I’ll be quite upset if I hear that you turned to some random member of your staff instead of one of your most trusted Agents. Especially since I’m the one you’ve slept with.” She added pridefully.

I rolled my eyes. “Are you really that proud to have slept with me?”
Fleur gave me a look, but Tender was the one who said, “Well, you kind of happen to be the Hero of Equus, the Savior of Equestria, a Prince, and a pretty charismatic stallion all ‘round. I’m proud.”

I scratched my cheek. “Huh.”

Fleur nodded. “Even before you were showered with titles, you were still a conquest worthy of note. I bragged about landing you to my book club for a week.”

“I haven’t told anyone that I’ve slept with you. It just doesn't seem like a wise idea.” Tender chuckled awkwardly.

“Oh, you could always talk about it with me.” Fleur offered. “I’d love to compare and contrast Max’s past to the relatively recent future.”

Tender blushed and I coughed. “As nice as I’m sure that conversation is going to be, do you happen to know where my pitch black stand-in happens to be?”

Fleur beamed. “Crimson is with Fancy, going over the roster. If you shift, you’ll probably catch them, though I don’t know why you didn’t just do that in the first place.”

I shrugged. “Why let myself get lazy?”

“You mean why do things sensibly?” Fleur asked drily.

“I’ll poke you, woman.” I replied flatly.

“I’ll poke you back, you overgrown colt.” She growled playfully.

I scowled at her and winked, hardening her nipples instantly because I could. Fleur barely seemed to notice. “I’m gonna go be a Prince. You can stay here and be lame.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m a Queen in my own eyes.”

After we exchanged the customary kiss on the cheek, I shifted Tender and myself to Fancy only to find that I made a fucking mistake, and brain bleach doesn’t work when you’re a Capital G. Seeing Crimson getting railed made me think of me getting railed, which made me shut down then and there. It was a lovely little thing, blacking out to visions and vague feelings of being violated all over again, but I was glad to wake up in Twilight’s arm’s back in the Blue Room. This time, we were on a large cushion instead of a ‘bean’ bag and it was simply marvelous. It was made of memory foam that held you and kept you cozy in all the right ways, but it was mostly just nice that I felt a little better when I collected myself enough to realize where I was.

“Amour?” Twilight asked softly, her lips brushing against my brow.

“... I wasn’t expecting that. I should have known that there was a reason I didn’t push my awareness there.” I replied.

“They should have known better than to be doing that during work hours, but they did have the roster sorted out.” She sighed.

“I set a bad example on that one. It’s my own fault.”

My wife had nothing to say to that one, so she just rubbed my back for a few minutes. I initiated a pleasant kiss and tried to convince Twilight to let me get back to work, but she shut me down by saying that it was already six-thirty and that we’d made it far enough into the day to get the important matters solved. I attempted to apologize for losing my shit, but Twilight hit me with a gentle rebuttal and a patient smile that rather made me feel like my recovery wasn’t really on my path. I dismissed the feeling in favour of the faith I had in Twilight, though it wasn’t gone entirely.

Dinner was a little quieter than breakfast, but the ‘biscuits’ and gravy Lassie (My Dog Chef) made were the perfect comfort food. Twilight made little jokes about me eating breakfast for every meal, but I assured her that she shouldn’t be worried about that until I start asking for chicken and waffles. She didn’t get it and neither did I up to a certain point, but I dealt with my own stupidity for a little bit. We decided on a nice night of reading, which was great because it meant that I could take time and actually absorb knowledge the old fashioned way while getting a few million prayers answered. Most people were just surprised to hear from me, but I assured those that I answered that I wasn’t actually the Big Guy himself, but that I’d still be happy to throw them a bone since I was trying to make a good first impression.

After extending a couple of lives long enough for them to say goodbye to their families, getting a few people out of debt, and waking a dozen or so people from comas, I was cool to read my book. The title La Petite Puss Puss didn’t exactly fill me with confidence for the ‘novel’, but I’d asked Twilight for something Ponies thought was saucy since I’d never actually read any Pony porn, oddly enough. As I read over the… Well, to put it frankly, the shit made me feel like I was reading something straight out of a fifth graders dirty journal. I mean, the syntax was fine, I guess, but the diction, dear Me, the diction! It was like-

Okay, so the vagina was commonly referred to as ‘Her love spot’ and a penis was often called ‘His hard thing’.

Like…

I was offended!

After thirty minutes, I finished the book and checked the ‘author’s’ name. “Sunset Shimmer? Oh, you little fuck.”

Twilight stared at me. “... Amour?”

“Twilight, what even was this? How? How do you masturbate to this? You can’t do my porn, but you can read this drivel and find excitement!?” I exclaimed.

She blinked at me. “... Are you honestly-”

“Yes!”

“... I’m sorry my tastes don’t lean toward your work?” Twilight said awkwardly.
I gave her the flattest of looks and she blushed. “W-Well, it’s not like I can help it! I-I just like what I like, Max!”

I brooded and glared at the book in my hand. “I’m going to dropkick this Sunset Shimmer into Smileton.”

“Please don’t.” Twilight requested.

I grumbled some unintelligible words under my breath. “Whatever. The Lover’s Days Trilogy is still a best-seller.”

“Right? Don’t be jealous, Amour. Green looks nice in your eyes, but not on your face.” She patted my leg.

I grabbed her side and tickled her for a bit. “You’re full of hot air and bad taste in smut, you know that?”

Twilight hugged me to escape my tickles. “It might be bad to you, but I prefer it when people are tasteful with their terminology.”

“Oi, I’ve got something for you to read if you’re into that.” I said, stilling the sea so that Twilight wouldn’t pick up on my trick.

She still gave me a suspicious look. “What’s the catch?”

“It’s called Sonic High School and it’s written by a super cool guy with a super edgy username.” I gave her a gentle smile.

“Oh? So is it a daily-life kind of story?” Twilight asked, hooked at the mention of school.

“Well, it’s based around key events, to my knowledge. It may well be, but it’s been awhile since I’ve read it.” I handed her a novelized version of the story and bit back a smile as I enchanted the book. “I’m sure you’ll have a good time. I mostly remember laughing at the silliness inside.”

Twilight took it from me with a smile and kissed my cheek, which was the last piece of affection I got from her until she stopped being mad at me for making her read the first five chapters of that lunacy. I took the book from her after she shoved it at me and had a giggle at the random events inside that made me doubt the reliability of some fanfiction authors’ sanity. I highly doubted that most of them could say that their minds were intact, but I then considered taking a mad poop that would shooted out of my butt like a gun. I decided against that because I don’t have to go to the loo if I don’t feel like it, but it was considered for a moment just because reasons.

Before Twilight and I could tuck in for bed, Celestia and Luna found it in their schedule to come over for a visit, though they didn’t just teleport in. They came in through the normal means, and after the hugs were passed out, Celestia had a sympathetic smile for me. “It’s good to see you up and lucid, Max. We were scared for a little while.”

I ran a hand through my weirdly silky hair. “Well, you should know better by now. I might come out the other side covered in scars, chopped down to my knees, but I always come back.”

“That’s what we once said about ourselves.” Luna said softly. “We were once placed under similar circumstances as yourself, but we had each other to hold onto. We would like to be there for you as sisters who have shared your experiences.”

I gave Luna a warm smile. “Does that mean it’s incest if I have sex with you again?”

She chuckled. “At least you make the effort, even if the intent is not there.”

I gave Luna my biggest shit eating grin. “I had sex with you.”

My friend and colleague rolled her eyes. “Twilight told me. She said that you performed well, yet I could not be more indifferent.”

“Liar liar pants on fire!” I smiled.

Celestia giggled. “If I remember, your exact words were, ‘He had to go to another planet to buck me?’.”

Luna lit up and I gave the blue Princess a smile. “You wanna get back at your sister for that one?”

She gave me a devilish grin. “Oh?”

I snapped and powered Luna up, so she turned to Celestia with an evil grin. The white Alicorn had no idea what had just happened, but her sister had already turned her into a guy with a micropenis by the time she figured out that she was being set up. “Hey! Since when can you transform me?” Male Celestia objected…. Hm… What about Helios for her? The name’s free since I accidentally killed him anyway.

Luna beamed. “Since he gave me the power to do so. I must say, you are less attractive as a male.”

Helios coloured and glared at his sister. “I’m going to dominate you, you know that, right?”

The Princess of the Night stalked toward her sister, giggling the entire way. “Oh no, dear ‘sister’. Tonight is my turn to be in charge.”

“Oi.” I said softly.

Luna waved a hand. “I’ll abide by the rules.”

“You’d better.” I said in a warning tone.

“Ah, I like rules.” Twilight sighed. “So you two just stopped by to tell Max that he could count on you?”

Luna nodded as Helios tried to get out of the headlock she’d put him in. “Pretty much. Have a good night you two.”

“G’Night. Don’t be too rough on Sun Boy.” I said, chuckling.

She just grinned before shifting out, leaving Twilight and I to do a whole lot of nothing in bed. I waited around for a little while as Twilight let me be the big spoon, but I got bored of doing nothing, so I let my hand wander around my wife’s side from her arm to her thigh. She was receptive to both, but when I pressed myself against her, she reached back to forestall any further action.

“Max, I know you think I need it, but I can do without.” Twilight admonished with kindness.

I let my lips rest on her bare shoulder for a moment. “... I just want to see if I can. It feels right so far.”

“Then why are you so anxious?”

I spoke in ellipses.

“Amour, what’s wrong?”

“... I haven’t been with you in five years… What if…”

“Amour, I can already feel it. If you’re worried about icing my Cupcake Castle early, then we can just use a little spell and continue.” Twilight said, relief tingeing her voice.

“... It’s just embarrassing…”

“Max, I have a shrine to you and you know all about it. Tell me about embarrassing again?” She challenged.

“It’s different, but I see where you’re coming from.” I let my lips graze her neck as I lightly kissed my way to her jaw.

Well, the rest has been well documented before, but I’ve gotta say that Doctor Lowe was quite the trooper during his first infiltration mission, though I’m pretty sure he was longer than Mr. Wiggles. I wasn’t terribly fond of that and neither was Twilight, so I did the thing that no red blooded male would ever dream of and made my willy a little smaller for the sake of my wife’s pleasure. I still had a little to spare whenever I bottomed out, so I was pretty sure that I was close enough to my original size. Either way, the snacks were great and since my mind was full of Twilight, I didn’t have time to lose myself all night, so that was great.

However, that was up until The Madness hit me at dawn. The Sun rose and my thoughts wandered as my perspective broadened, encircling three hundred and thirty-three larger universes and countless micro-universes before I was actually slated to let my mind expand that far. I offered a warm welcome to my friendly seniors and was often greeted in kind, though there were a few who were dismissive of me since I was still insane. Once I could reach out and talk to all of them while actually being who I usually was, I’d earn more respect, but until then, I was working to earn it.

After a nanosecond, I snapped back to Equus and the jolt must have woken Twilight because she practically leapt out of bed. When she got her hooves on the floor, she whipped around to stare at me, so I just propped my head up and gave her a little smile. “Good morning to you too, beautiful.”

“... Max?”
“Add ‘Mad’ and I’ll be glad.” I gave her a winsome grin.

“... You said we had days-”

“We do! Just not today! Trust me, my perfect little plum, that it’s better that this happen sooner rather than later.” I conjured up a mug of mercury and sipped it thoughtfully. It was a little too tangy, so I dumped half of it out and made a Paul-èmile with some gallium to make it a little less tart. “Besides, my mercy is your mercy. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Twilight still looked at me fearfully as she said, “Don’t hurt anyone unless it’s necessary, please.” her voice small.

“I will not hurt anyone unless it is necessary.” I replied honestly.
She gave me a minute smile and came a little closer, so I offered her my hand. She sat on the bed and took it before saying, “I’m scared for you right now, Max. I… All I feel from you is a deep ache-”

“Ah-ah-ah! Don’t worry about that and just let Mad Max put a smile on your face! I’ll do all the paperwork and whatnot like Max would, but I’m gonna come up with something extra special for my gal this afternoon.” I already had an idea in mind and I was sure that she was going to love it.

I was also whipping up a blizzard that spanned the entire Sahara, but you know. Priorities.

Twilight gave me a nervous look, so I said, “Don’t worry! I’m keeping all the things you like in mind, so it’s gonna be a really good thing! I promise!”

“... Does it have anything to do with books?”

I pouted at her and flopped our arms about a little. “Stop guessing! We got stuff to do so I can do the thing!”

“Right. So-”

“Can I have a kiss?” I asked.

The deer in the headlights look was to be expected, though I hoped the smile I was giving her wasn’t a deterrent. “... Right now?” Twilight chuckled weakly.

I pouted again. “Aw, you’re scared of me! That’s not cute at all! That’s just sad…” I slapped my hands to my cheeks and brainstormed. “I know! I’ll make a species of the cutest, most harmless little furry thingies you can ever have seen!”

Twilight stared at me. “I would not accept that as proof of you being harmless.” She said gently.

“But I’m not harmless! I’m like leaving a baby with a bed full of knives, but the world is the baby and I’m the knives!” I protested petulantly.

Twilight paled through her fur and cleared her throat. “That would… That would seem to be the case, yes. Max, I need you to be a nice, soft, cottony bed instead of a sharp, stabby one, okay?”

“Well duh.” I huffed. “Why would I go around stabbing the babies when I know you wouldn’t be okay with it?”

She breathed a heavy sigh of relief. “That’s good to hear. Good enough for a kiss, I believe.”

And so I received a brief kiss, which was okay. I smiled some more as Twilight pulled away and shifted out of bed so we could get started with our day. While the main body of me was doing my daily shit with Twilight, Pinkie and I were going on an adventure to Earth with Jeremy. As it turned out, he’d gotten kicked out of the Marines and into Dark Ops for being too brutal, so Pinkie and I scooped him up on a trip down to South America, specifically Bogota, Colombia. Why were we there? Well, we needed somewhere to start the madness, and why not start with the coke capital of the world?

On the first night of my Mad streak, I lead Pinkie and Jeremy to a remote coke operation that was pumping kilos upon kilos out and about. It was easily one of the biggest operations in the country, and getting us in had been tricky since I didn’t want to use too many of my powers. Pinkie wasn’t shy about using her powers in front of Romulus and I wasn’t exactly sparing with my use of the bow Luna had given me for Hearth’s Warming Day so many years ago. Jeremy barely got a chance to sneak up and knife anyone between Pinkie and I, but he would have his own part of the fun once we got into the fields.

Being a Capital G meant that I could conjure thermite from thin air, and as I waved my hands over the plants, the dirt beneath them turned into the rusty looking material. Pinkie giggled and Jeremy just sighed at her bullshit, but once we cleared the area with a swath of bodies in our wake, we just had to wait for them all to gather together in the spot I knew they would. It only took thirty minutes for the round up to be called out, but the fire arrow I sent into the ‘dirt’ made sure that they weren’t going anywhere fast. Bodies and bundles of coca all burned at the same time, filling the air with the smell of a right and proper fucking massacre.

“We’re clear.” Pinkamena said, pulling her mask down. Mad Max thought she was fuckably cute as a Pony, but as a Human, even I think she was worthy of a second glance. For some odd reason, she filled out better in skin than fur, but whatever.

Jeremy pulled his own mask down and flipped up his visor. “Are we waiting on exfil or what? I can’t imagine we’re going to be clear for long.”

I mimicked Jeremy and sighed. “We’re clear in all direction. You guys need some sleep, or do you want to hit another one?”

I received the same look from two different people. “You promised us Punisher-style justice. He didn’t stop at one a night.” Jeremy bitched.

I gave him my manic smile. “Wanna go to Russia?”

“And do…?” He leaned forward.

“Base of hackers. Guns blazing.” I gave him a wink.

“Eh, I’m more of a human-trafficking kind of guy.” He said, being stupidly serious.

I slapped him because he pissed me off. “All sapient lives are equal.” I answered loftily.

It’s not like he was about to do shit. “Fair enough. Is that a no?”

“Nope; we’re doing your thing. You’re well aware of why I slapped you.” I said, picking a direction to walk in.

Pinkamena and Jeremy followed. “Is it because I didn’t give two fucks about the Ponies on Equis?”

“Got it in one!” I said cheerfully.

“Wow! You kinda suck!” Pinkamena added brightly.

The poor sane person groaned. “I finally get some action and it’s with two lunatics who hog all the kills.”

“Git Gud.” Pinkie and I chorused.

“I’ll Havelest your asses if you wanna Dark Souls meme.” He countered.

“I’ll fuck you with the washing pole. Like I said; Git. Gud.” I taunted, sending us into the basement of a Russian Human Trafficking operation. After paying off all the girls and the pretty boys who were be held captive, I made sure they knew that the Reverend had come to their aid because power trip.

After that, Pinkamena asked, “So are we doing this stealthy and fun, o~r…?” She batted her lashes at me, hoping to get more blood out of the night.

I gave her a smile. “Say the three of us work these savages our own ways?”

“How many floors to the building?” Jeremy asked.

I sighed. “Just two, so I’m afraid we’re either going to have to pair up or someone’s sitting it out.”

“Can I please have a floor? Pretty please?” Pinkamena begged.

Jeremy gave me a look. “It was your thermite that lit up those coke boys.”

I snapped and pouted. “Damn. Oh well, I’m sure there will be more opportunities once you two are done.”

I conjured up a Maxbox (I’m more of a Playstation guy, the name was just convenient.) so I could conjure up a reality full of Hell’s worst sinners, saved from their near eternal damnation for my shooting pleasure. It was quite fun to play through a world more realistic than anything on a screen had a right to be, and the blood splatter was perfect! My selection of weapons was endless and my tools of destruction limited only by my imagination, so it wasn’t a surprise that Twilight could feel the aftershocks of my needless atrocities. The piece of myself that I’d left with her was behaving perfectly, but the version of myself in Smileton was doing far worse things than I was currently whipping up.

I had to save Jeremy’s neck from a ricochet once, but other than that, the operation went off without a hitch and we were able to contact the nearest SIAC center for a mass pick-up. Apparently I speak Russian now, but then again, is it really a surprise? Either way, I shifted my little duo of murderous little minxes to Asia to dismantle a few sex trafficking organizations, stab a politician or two… Dozen. Give or take twenty. Okay, look, we were basically just cleaning up what I hadn’t been able to get the first time around, and we were doing it the slow, bloody way because I wanted to do it that way.

Jeremy needed a break after two days of nothing but glorious, righteous, tasty slaughter and I gave it to him by taking him to the Lotus Hotel and letting him do whatever the fuck he felt like for a couple days. The whole time displacement thing came in handy, and by the time I dragged him out of sin and depravity and back to reality, I’m pretty sure he’d been willing to try having an ice cube shoved up his arse.

Pinkamena was just happy to have company while on a murder-spree, so that was cool, and I was having the time of my life while stopping crime and blowing heads off, imploding limbs, freezing blood, and just being an all around fun guy. Jeremy thought I was being excessive, but he's a bitch and her opinion hardly matters when I’m sane. Yes, I realize I switched pronouns there. I’m trying to say that he's a female, and a young one at that. In other words, he's a lil’ bitch.

Anyway, I set up our final operation for the days I was going to spend off my rocker and it was going to be a doozy. A new terrorist organization had popped up and seized control of an American military base in the Middle East (Go figure) and had seized some serious munitions while doing it. Like, it wasn’t a blip on anyone’s radar, shit was so classified, but I know things about stuff. I dropped Pinkie off with the controls for some missiles that were extremely illegal at that point in Earth’s history while I dropped Jeremy off with a cache of weapons at the entrance of the compound and told him to get loud.

I saved the biggest slice of the pie for myself in the form of the armory, which was teeming with soldiers as I walked up to them. I started things off by playing it simple; a little M1911 to make them understand where I was coming from. I ate their return fire like a champ and nailed eight of them with no issue since they weren’t going for cover. I stood there, completely unscathed. Horus may have ‘lived on’ through his little group, but I had fun stamping out the spirit of the fellow, even as I broke his beak from another world. T’was a great feeling indeed, and when I killed the last of the dumb fuckers, I took the time to go check up on Jeremy since I was sure that Pinkamena was decorating, thus she would come to me when she was done.

Jeremy was having the time of his life with a firefight in which I learned that he also had the power to make duplicates of himself. He actually used his positioning to give himself some cover so that he could start slaying fools more effectively and I approved of his methods, so I went to go sit behind his cover and shot the two finger salute to the annoying fucks who shot me as I walked since it was just unnecessary. Impolite arseholes. The former rebel leader gave me a look when I plopped down next to him, but I just shrugged and gestured for him to go back to fun time.

Some guy tried to sneak up on us, but I shot him into a building with a bolt of lightning. It was definitely a nice explosion that I was happy to watch, but Jeremy had to be a little bitch and freak out about almost getting suicide-bombed or some shit. I reminded him that every time he stuck his head out to take another shot that he was leaving himself open to getting iced. He froze up on that one, so I grabbed a CZ Scorpion and started downing fools because Mad Max don’t play. It was painfully easy to walk through the hail of bullets being tossed at me, and one can only stand being shot in the dick so man times before they start taking personal offense. I mean, I found it rather hurtful, to be honest, so I forced my gun to morph into something with a little more penetrating power and started repaying the favour instead of going for headshots like I had been.

The cries of dozens of pained men graced my ears and brought that manic smile back to my lips as Pinkamena shifted in. “Wow! I’ve gotta say, this has been the best vacation ever!”

“You’re both insane. Count me in if we ever do this again.” Jeremy said.
“Slipping in the sickness, are we?” I asked facetiously.

He shrugged. “Nothing gets me harder than killing bad people for a good reason.”

“Aw, look at the widdle vigiwante!” Pinkamena cried, giving Jeremy a very unwanted hug.

He scoffed like that would get her off of him. “Would you knock it off and act like you just got done butchering people? You fucking psychopath.”

“Don’t get hit, kid.” Pinkamena warned.

“Let go!” Jeremy tried.

“Make me!”

“Pinks, let him go. Jeremy, go get laid or something.” I said, tapping the side of my chin.

“Thinking of something?” Pinkamena asked excitedly, following my orders unlike her bitch-made co-murderer.

“I’m wondering if I should bother remembering any of this. I currently have a choice, and I can’t say that I’m sure of what the correct one is.” I replied.

“Remember it because you kinda have to.” Pinkamena reasoned.

“What she said.” Jeremy said, because apparently his input is limited.

I shrugged. “Okay. Sounds rad.”

“... So what now?” Jeremy asked after a moment of silence.
I gave him a smile. “Everyone goes home and we never speak of this again! At least, not on Equus or around the people who wouldn’t high-five us for our ‘crimes’.” I used some exaggerated air quotes.
“Cool.”

“Great!” Pinkamena chimed in.

I nodded and snapped my fingers, heading back to the host body while Twilight and Tender were talking about how normal I was acting for being visibly disturbed in the head. I was listening from my office a floor below Twilight’s, but it was an interesting conversation to listen in on. Basically, Tender had it all figured out and said that I was probably doing some mad evil shit behind Twilight’s back, but Twilight couldn’t actually confirm that since she’d never felt me leave Castle Arcadia. It was great that I was about to get away with the whole thing and there was nothing that would stop me, not even myself.

… Nothing happened. I became sane again and the memories were foggy enough that I didn’t want to expend energy digging into them, so I assumed that I’d done whatever it was that Twilight said I’d done. I didn’t learn about the whole excursion on Earth for a while after that, so I couldn’t really snitch on myself or tell Twilight anything about it because I got my memories from Pinkie after the fact. It was the perfect massacre leaving thousands dead, hundreds of thousands freed, and a fucking megatonne of the bad kinds of drugs destroyed, so I consider it a pretty positive experience, all things considered. I should have done it while sane, but oh well.

I’ll pick up with what happened after I came back to reality here in a sec. There’s going to be a little skip since nothing terribly important happened, but I’ll sum it up then, yeah? It’s tea time.

Alright. So I came back to Equus and slammed into my body since Mad Max wanted to be a dick about it. The feeling was similar to being spun around at a high speed and then coming to a stop like the next revolution would behead everyone on board whatever crazy contraption you happened to be on. Shit was quite uncomfortable and I was sure to swear at myself thoroughly for not just passing the baton like a normal person.

Thankfully for me, with that bout of insanity over, I could count on less intense flashbacks stabbing me in the arse with a full on Knight’s lance from out of the blue, but breaking the boils that held back blisteringly batty bullshit wasn’t all boon and no boom. By ‘boom’, I mean I ate a piece of my power that I would never get back and that shit’s going to happen until I mature into a proper Capital G, which is going to take a fucking while. This journal will probably be held together purely by Magic at the point where I can actually join the ranks of the Capital G’s, but until then, I just boop it with a preservation spell every once in a while. Shit actually seems to keep it working just fine.

So I was in my office as I came back to being normal old mentally-scarred me, and when I got my footing well enough to not keel over the moment I stood up, I conjured up a bottle of brandy and sipped on a glass for a little while before switching to ol’ reliable with a twist, doing a doodle on a legal pad until Twilight knocked on the door. She didn’t need permission to enter and Tender works in my office, so I can’t really ban her from it. I gave them both a smile when they stopped in front of my desk and Twilight gave me a worried smile in return.
“How are you feeling, Amour?” My wife asked, her tone hard to read since I gave her the power to hide things from me. Yes, the Covenant negates it to a certain point, but the cosmic bullshit isn’t exactly all-encompassing. See the emotional abuse Twilight and I put each other through for examples. Fuck knows there were plenty of them early on.

I gave her a little grin and sipped my drink. “Well, the bourbon’s weak, so you tell me.” I slid the glass over to her.

She gave me a dubious look, but still took a sip, making a confused face. “It’s really smooth and kind of tastes like maple…”

“Eight years in a maple barrel.” I said proudly.

Tender huffed jokingly. “What, you couldn’t find someone to age it for ten?”

I shook my head and gave her a stern look. “The maple barrel was weird enough, and bourbon tends to taper off in its quality after twelve or so years. Eight means it has room to grow on top of already being good, and I honestly just prefer my liquor to be younger than I am.” I paused and considered that. “Holy fuck, I’m almost thirty.”

Twilight blinked at me. “... Oh yeah. You’re twenty-seven now, aren’t you?”

I made a face. “I know I don’t technically have to worry about getting old, but it fucking sucks that I effectively spent half of my life either scraping by, getting raped, or getting raped while scraping by.” After reclaiming and thusly sipping my bourbon, I said, “At least I don’t have to worry about getting overpowered anymore.”

My wife winced at the mention of my observation. “I don’t think anyone would be willing to try anymore.”

Tender nodded. “I know you’re not going to hurt anyone in the room, but I kinda feel like you’re waiting to clobber someone right now.”

“Don’t get dicked up with a jimmy hat. Raw dog; raw shit.” I said stonily.

My wife and stewardess looked at each other, neither of them knowing what to make of my words or how I’d said them, but Twilight took over. “Was that a threat for a bad time or a good one?”

“It was advice.” I said simply.

“... What’s a ‘jimmy hat’?” Twilight asked hesitantly.

“A condom.” I answered, sipping my beverage.

“So you told me to have unprotected sex.” Tender asked slowly, trying to clarify.

“I just wanted to see if you’d understand what I said to be honest with you. The look on your face when I said it was good enough.” I chuckled.

The milf met me with a dull glare. “Stop bucking with me before you even give me a hug.”
My wife gave me a smile. “That was a sincere laugh. I wouldn’t even be upset if you hugged Tender first.”

I shifted behind her and gave her the best squishums I had. “Nah, you always get first dibs, no matter what now. I mean, even if you somehow manage to die, which I’m not gonna let happen barring a very, very special circumstance, I’ll still come to Heaven and give you a hug.”

Twilight held my arms since she couldn’t hug me back. “You made sure to restrict my arms and everything. Mad Max got slapped for forgetting about that.”

“... We’ll talk about that.” I said softly.

“I don’t need a hug right now, but the promise of one in the near future would make me go away pretty quick.” Tender said, waiting for a clearer dismissal.

I let go of Twilight and gave Tender her hug. “You can count on another after the weekend unless you come over for tea or something. Take Care, Tender.”

She let me go and gave me a look. “You know I hate it when ponies say that.”

I gave her a grin. “Why, whatever do you mean, Chicken Tendy?”

The nickname got her to cross her arms. “I will hit you, colt.”

“Would another hug help?” I asked, spreading my arms in preparation.

Tender rolled her eyes and glared at me, but the power of my wiggling brow brought her in for a quick squish. “You’re terrible, you know that?”

“Well, Capital G’s are actually known to be arseholes. You’ve got it rather easy.”

“Right.” Twilight and Tender chorused.

I frowned. “Both of you suck right now.”

Twilight inhaled sharply. “Was that good enough?”

“You fucking smartass.” I couldn’t even look at her because it made me giggle.

“Oh, so it’s not smart ’arse’?” She teased.

“Brits say smartass, but I never thought I’d have to say it to my innocent little wife! You’ve got more hidden depths than the bottom of the flipping sea, woman.” I grumbled.

Twilight tugged on my arm, so I took a step toward her and gave her a peck on the cheek, which she returned quickly. “You’re just rubbing off on me more and more everyday, aren’t you?”

I smirked. “Looks like it. What can I say? Max-fever is infectious. It starts with loving me, then becoming me!”

“Ew.” They said in unison.

“Oi! My feelings!”

“Don’t leave yourself open like that, Snoogums.” Twilight said tenderly.

I gave her a look. “I don’t leave myself-” I cringed at the way my words formed and closed my eyes for a moment to gather myself. “I try not to leave opportunities.”
My wife brought me in for a hug. “You handled that a lot better this time.”

“I guess losing my shit for a while makes it less terrible.” I sighed. “Still, what’s on the agenda? I’m sure we have duties to attend to.”

“Well, I’ve got to go back to Court since the lunch break is almost over, which means that your stroll around the grounds is coming up.” Twilight said cheerfully.

I nodded. “Alright, the day is here to be seized! Let’s get a move on, ladies.” I pulled a coin out of the air and started rolling it around my knuckles.

Twilight took notice immediately. “... You usually do that when you’re nervous.”

I shrugged. “I’m worried about what Mad Max did while I was clocked out. If he hurt you, then I have to kill him with fire.”

There was a glint in Twilight’s eye that told me that he’d come far too close. “Nothing important happened, but we can talk about the little stuff later. Let’s get the day restarted.”

I nodded and thus we did the thing. Twilight teleported for old times sake and I shifted Tender and myself to the Training Grounds for some good old fashioned observation. Shit was straight and all that, so I took us inside the Castle and we did another walkthrough, this time asking staff what they were doing while they were out and about, and I even stopped by to talk to Pinkie for a little bit about things, but then I learned that she was actually on vacation from
Lassie. That was a head-scratcher since Pinkie rarely ever took vacation unless I asked her to, or unless I had her do something, but I figured that she would be back soon enough.

With that out of the way, I joined Twilight in court as per the usual and we got through the one big case she’d been saving for my return to sanity, which was a request for more staff in the Town Hall. Strawberry Petal had come to petition for Mary to have a secretary so she wouldn’t have to pull double duty, so we granted her request and started getting the procedures in order for shit to get in motion. It didn’t take that long in the end, but we didn’t know how long it would take back then.

After court was over and the Castle’s affairs were done for the day, Twilight and I were strolling around Ponyville when I asked, “Oi, do you want to go to Earth for a little bit? Will and Bea are off work right now.”

Twilight smiled. “That sounds nice. I bet you miss your brother plenty.”

“I do.” I shifted us to Will’s attic and knocked on the trap-door thing. “It’s a shame that it’s been so long since I’ve seen him.”

“Well, I guess we’re rectifying that now.” Twilight said, sounding a bit irritable. “Give a girl a little warning before you take her across the universe, will you?”

“Sorry Cherry.” I offered her a sheepish smile.

She reached out and touched my arm. “Are you okay? Your responses are a little clipped.”

I shook off the chills running down my spine. “I’ll be okay. Just an ominous feeling is all.”

Twilight opened her mouth to speak, but then I smelled it. Blood was on the air, so I shifted down to the first floor tried to ping anything living in the house. Will and Bea were both still alive in their room, so I shifted there, but the state of them… Rough doesn’t begin to cover it. Both of them were covered in lacerations that seemed to be deep enough to be debilitating, but were sewn together with a purposefully slipshod hand that made the event suck that much worse. Neither of the were conscious, so fixing them was quick and painless, as well as restoring their ransacked room to its former glory.

Bea was the first one to wake up, and she woke up screaming, which got Twilight down from the attic in seconds. I quieted her down by stealing her memories of being assaulted which left her dazed and confused, but Will woke up soon after Twilight checked on her to see if she was okay, and he woke up swinging. I calmed him down and drained the memories from him as well before leaving my brother and sister-in-law to get themselves together for a quick visit.

After ten or so minutes to gather themselves, Will and Bea made their way downstairs and I asked, “Will, do you have any enemies I should be aware of?”

Will groaned. “Mate, I just got fucking rolled by Savage’s old boys, Ronald and Julius.”

I snapped my fingers and they were dead because I didn’t think they needed to be alive. “They say why they were coming after you?”
He shook his head and Bea rubbed her arms as Will held her. “I can’t believe we almost died…”

“Got fucking rolled hard.” Will muttered.

“Oi, it’s time for you to move. I’ll help you find a new place if you want.” I offered, mere moments before sending them a list of similarly priced places away from Wiltshire via the magic of email.

Will rested his cheek on Bea’s head. “Fucking shite…”
“Fucking shite indeed.” I said solemnly. “Well, those guys are gone anyway, so don’t worry about a repeat performance. In the meantime, do you guys want to come to Equestria for a little while until the heat dies down? Maybe for the rest of your lives?”

Will chuckled. “We should probably stay on Earth, to be honest with you. It’d just be for the best if we got out of this house.”

“Buy another place and I’ll help fund and move you. Shit’s too easy for me these days.” I
gave him a customary smirk.

“It’s much appreciated, mate. It really is.” He sighed.

I nodded. “Right. Well, Twilight and I came for a visit, so let’s crack open a bottle of liquor and steady some nerves, yeah?”

Bea gave me a grateful smile. “For once I actually want you around. It never hurts to have a god be present after you nearly get killed, right?”

“It never hurts to have God around either.” I winked at her.

Bea stared at me. “Don’t joke about that. Your life is crazy enough for that shit to be true.”

Twilight giggled. “The look on your face is pretty nice. I see why Max likes dropping bombs on people now.”

“... You’re serious, aren’t you?” Will asked.

“Next in line to take over the universe.” I tapped my thumb to my chest.

Will and Bea looked at each other. “... Aww shiiite!” They said in unison.

“Alright, you’re both going to Hell.” I said irritably.

Bea paled considerably. “I-I-I repent for my sins!”
“Insulting God to his face? That’s a paddlin’.” I said grimly.

Will snuck me a grin, so I continued. “Do you remember stealing from that corner shop July eleventh, two thousand five?”
Bea crossed herself. “Dear someone, please help me.”

“Get naked and do the chicken dance and I’ll guarantee you a trip to Heaven.” I said seriously.

Twilight tugged on my ear. “Max! You apologize for that!”

“Ow! Will you stop!? I can’t hear you when you’re pulling on my listening device!” I bitched.

My wife let me go, so I took her down to the ground and started wrestling with her. “Max! Let me go, you- you- you butthead!”

“Oh? So I’m a butthead now, am I?” I pinned Twilight’s arms above her head and smiled. “Would a butthead do this?” I started tickling her and she tried to glare at me through her laughter as she squirmed around.

“Ma- Ma- Max! St- St- Stop!” Twilight cried, writhing about underneath my skilled hands.

I let her go and gave her a few quick kisses. “Okay, I’ll let you off easy this time to prove that I’m not a butthead.”

My wife giggled away the last vestiges of her tickling and gave me a look. “Tell Bea she doesn’t have to embarrass herself.”

I looked up at Bea who was looking at me uneasily. “I was kinda kidding. I’d still let you into Heaven for doing it, but it’s not necessary.”

Will cracked up. “I’m hoping that’s not all you have to do to get into Heaven.”

“Just try not to be an arse and you’ll make it just fine most of the time.” I said pleasantly. “Oh yeah, don’t give bridge trolls bribes. I don’t like those guys.”

Twilight struggled from beneath me. “Are you going to make me stay down here all day?”

I looked at her and gave her another kiss. “I dunno. If I keep you here, I can get a smooch whenever I want one.” I smiled goofily.

My wife pulled out the patented Puppy-Dog Eyes™ and my heart melted, so I let her sit up, though she knew to expect a hug since she’d tickled my heartstrings. “Thank you, Amour.”

“You’re welcome, Cherry.” I said, giving her a squish.

“If you two are done being diabetic, we’ve got liquor to drink and a day to forget, yeah?” Will said.

“Are we playing ‘How Do You Feel?’?” I asked hesitantly.

“No, we’re playing Eraser.” My brother replied, rubbing his close-cropped hair.

“Sounds good to me.” Bea sighed. “Can we head down to the Rubber Dutchman?”

“Sure thing. Do you guys want to drive, walk, or shift?” I asked.

“Can we shift? Not to abuse your powers or anything, but I don’t really feel like a ride in the car.” Bea said meekly.

“Might wanna be standing up for this one.” I got off of Twilight and helped her to her hooves as Will and Bea rose from their own seats.

We shifted to The Rubber Dutchman after Twilight changed forms and had a pretty decent time, all things considered. I was able to treat the fact that Will and Bea almost died as small news because I could have brought them back to life if I really felt like it, and even if I didn’t, I could have just rewound time a bit and killed the guys who tried to kill them before things progressed any further. I was good at being distracting while Twilight was good at being comforting, both of which were needed at different times, though Will generally just needed another beer and Bea just needed some skinship that made her feel better.

Twilight and I accompanied Will and Bea to a hotel in a neighboring town, and I warded the shit out of the room they bought for a couple nights, but then I went ahead and paid for them to stay there for a month until they could find another place, and I intended on visiting them the second they closed a deal on a place so I could help finance it. When Twilight and I left, Will and Bea were hammered and it was definitely bedtime, but I got them their necessities so they wouldn’t have to be without and was on my way with my wife not long after.

Twilight and I touched down in Equestria and we had a long talk about what we’d do if one of our friends died, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was just going to resurrect them, no matter what I thought I should do. Twilight liked that idea and thought that my plan to make my inner circle my new pantheon was a good idea, so I plotted the course accordingly and we resolved to get Celestia and Luna the next day.

Once that was out of the way, I asked about something I’d been wanting to dig into. “Oi, Wifey?” I asked, chilling on a normal couch with my arm around Twilight.

“Yes, Husban-Man?” She sighed.

“... Why haven’t you gone after Night Light?”

“... Would you go after your own Dad for something you don’t remember him doing?” Twilight asked softly.

“You know I can’t just let it go, Twilight.”

“I’m not asking you to, Max… I… I just don’t want to be involved.”

I wrote out a letter to Luna since she was the one in charge of Court in Canterlot at the moment. “Then we’ll let Luna handle it. I told her to just put him in jail. Is that okay?”

Twilight nodded a couple of times. “Thank you. I know that’s more merciful than you feel like you should be.”

“I’d send him to Hell if it wouldn’t hurt you.” I said truthfully.

Twilight reached up and held the arm I put around her shoulders. “It’s going to be odd, never seeing my Dad again… Even after you two made up and everything…”

I sighed. “I should probably tell you that I asked Noir to help me use Dark Magic to make Night Light give me a second chance.”

“It sounds like you just used some Magic to make him see sense.” Twilight replied. “It doesn’t sound any different from my Friendship Magic, and I don’t doubt that you did it just to make me happy.”

“Well, you wanted your parents at our wedding and I wanted you happy.” I responded, tickling Twilight’s hand with mine.

“Thank you, but it’s terrible to know that I asked you to take nonsense from one of the worst Ponies I’ve met, even if that Pony is someone I love.”

I gave her a little squish. “It’ll be okay, Twilight. Night Light might have been a proper cock, but that doesn't mean that you’re wrong about everyone else in your life.”

She squeezed my hand. “It’s not fair when you know what I’m thinking.”

“You know what I’m thinking most of the time and then you use that knowledge to stop me from having fun.” I scoffed. “Turnabout is fair play.”

That got her to giggle. “I don’t stop you from having fun all the time.”

“You could entice me to have a little fun with you. Maybe an ear rub? Some gentle petting and muttered assurances that you’re the best Princess?”

Twilight looked at me and smiled. “I’m only the best Princess? Not the best Pony?”

“Well, you’re the best Pony I’ve ever met, but what if there’s a Twilight that’s all innocent and nerdy like you, but then when night falls, she turns into a cuddle monster that can only be satisfied by affection? Much like you, come to think of it.”

“So basically the best Pony has to have my name and be like me, but not be me?”

“No, you are the best Pony, but now I’m wondering if you’re the best Twilight. QT had a nice ‘flank’, if I do say so myself.” I teased.

“Oh please! You may not have picked up on quadrupedal indicators of attractiveness, but I can tell you that QT didn’t really have much going for her. When she turned into a biped, she barely had a butt and her chest was like, an A-cup!”

I grabbed one of Twilight’s breasts because I have partial ownership. “Nice to see that my Twilight is so stacked. I wouldn’t mind having a handful of you anytime.” I gave her a peck.

She giggled and laid her hand over mine. “I’d offer you a trip to the Cupcake Castle tonight, but-” I started peppering her neck with light kisses. “Ok~ay, so you’re starting with the foreplay already?”

“We don’t even have to have snacks, I just want to be with you.” I nuzzled her.

Twilight practically purred. “Mmm, that sounds perfectly fine to me. If you really want to play dirty, then I think the dirtiest move you could make would be going for a tummy rub.”

“Do you want me to lick the frosting off of the Cupcake Castle, or are you asking for a visit now?”

“... Can I have both?” She asked hopefully.

“I was craving some wine anyway.” I chuckled.

And then God 2 had sex on the beginning of the weekend, and thus life was good. Now, I don’t think I’m really doing therapy at this point so much as just writing down the things that happened after I got back. I’m sure Brookshaw will be thrilled to see that I managed to get the important shit down, even if I didn’t manage to go into detail. Still, I think now’s about a good time for a time skip because the rest of the year was pretty good. I was doing better with my flashbacks, there were fewer complete shutdowns, and I was less ready to end someone at the hint of a misspoken phrase. I was still fucked in the head and refused to sleep with anyone other than Twilight in any sense of the word, and if I didn’t go to bed with her, then I was drinking liquor that could actually knock me down a peg in a few glasses.

I didn’t really become an alcoholic again since Twilight caught it early enough, but it’s not like I gave her any resistance when she called me out on my excessive drinking. I stayed away from anything that could get me drunk and stuck with the weak stuff until Hearth’s Warming Day the year after I woke up from my coma. I got drunk at a little party Twilight and I were hosting, but the worst thing that came out of it was me putting a dildo hat on Mum that she couldn’t feel. She ended up walking around for half an hour wondering why I was giggling at her until she found the hat, and then I got scolded by my wife, my mentor, and my Mum for fucking around too much.
This little bit is after New Years and happens on my fifth Hearts and Hooves day with Twilight, but it would just be awkward if I started writing it down now, so I’ll take a quick break and set it up here in a sec after I go get some more tea.

Alright, so on the morning of Hearts and Hooves day a year and four months after I got back from the Heavens, I was already up in preparation for the day. It was Twilight’s turn to do something nice for me since we traded back and forth, but like the last Hearts and Hooves Day we’d spent together, I wanted Twilight to know that I reigned supreme when it came to being sweet. I hopped out of bed after giving her some lovely little kisses and started decorating the Castle with Hearts and Hooves day decorations. A few of the Night Staff that I passed were confused as to why I was making it rain hearts everywhere I went, but then I gave most of them either a box of chocolate or a bouquet of flowers and they stopped worrying about it so hard.

I was in the holiday spirit something fierce, so I went around and stuck purple hearts all over Twilight’s throne and left her a little scrapbook with memories that we’d made over the last year. I’d actually intended on making it one of her Hearth’s Warming Day presents, but I felt like it would be better if I boosted a day to be sweet with extra sweetness. The bouquet of lavender and Briar Roses I left for her on the little swing-out table attached to her throne was probably a little extra, but I was thinking of other ways to be extra sweet, so I attached a little pouch of Calitu to the bouquet and was on my way back to Twilight since I could feel her waking up.

She was just beginning to stir when I sat on her side of the bed and laid a hand on her arm. “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty. Rise and shine.” I cooed softly.

Twilight smiled at the sound of my voice, but she didn’t open her eyes. “I’m still asleep Come back later.”

I held my breath for a couple of seconds. “Okay, it’s later now.”

“Ugh, kiss me awake?”

I complied happily and ended up snogging her rather passionately, since morning breath was just something that gods don’t have to deal with. “How was that?”

She was fucking awake now and giving me some serious bedroom eyes while she was at it. “How about you hop under these covers and we start the day off right?”

Who would I be to turn her down?

After some fantastic sex that was better than usual because it was a holiday and holiday arse is the greatest kind to get. When we got prepared for the day, Twilight said, “You know, you didn't have to clean me up, right?”

“Well you didn’t have to go the extra mile so that I wouldn’t be eating my own icing out of you.” I countered.

“Well, we both know that I like your icing more than you do, so it made sense.” She giggled. “I have to say, this Hearts and Hooves Day has already started off pretty well, but that’s not even including all of the cute little surprises I have for you!”

“I made a few little surprises for you too, so be on the lookout, yeah?” I gave her a winsome smile and she gave me a kiss.

“You know it’s my year to be sweet, right?” Twilight asked, not really all that irritated.

“Well, why don’t we just both be sweet and see who can give the other a sugar rush first?” I asked.

“Because we take turns, silly! That would be all well and good if we hadn’t already agreed on it.” Twilight gave me a pouty look.

“Damn.” I snapped my fingers. “I was hoping I could sneak one past you.”

Twilight hugged me and nuzzled my chest. “Remember the last time you tried to sneak one past me?”

“Yeah, I ended up soaked in punch and Rainbow got turned neon yellow for a day.” I grumbled irritably. In my defense, the dimensional rift I put in the punch bowl would have been fine if my wife hadn’t startled me at the wrong moment.

She tittered because my suffering is her ambrosia. “Just a happy little reminder that Wifey knows best.”

“Hugman is far more capable of knowing it all.” I countered.

“Well, Wifey is prettier!” Twilight replied hotly.

“Hugman is far more handsome!” I responded sharply.

“Wifey’s lips taste like grapes!”

“They taste like wine because she’s a closeted alcoholic!”

“Oh yeah!?”

“Yeah!”

Twilight gave me a gentle little peck. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Bugaboo.” I returned her peck with a fixed interest rate of one peck per minute, so she got two kisses. “Come on; I’ve got some stuff to show you.”

Twilight gave me a puzzled smile as I lead her out of our room, but when she saw the multitude of decorations hanging from the walls and the ceiling, she gasped and gave me a nice hug, though it was a little hard to breath. It was fine because I don’t actually need to breathe, but it’s just nice to do, you know? It’s like swallowing when your mouth is dry; there’s no need, but it just feels like a more natural motion.

I walked her down the hall, down some steps, and down town to get down with the downies. I say that, but I actually just lead her to the Dining Hall and found my first surprise of the day when I sat down. Twilight had tried to be sneaky and slip the little envelope into my lap while I was distracted, but she’s never exactly been smooth in any sense of the word. The envelope held a rectangular locket with my and Twilight’s Seals on either side. It looked rather similar to the book pendant Twilight had given me, but when I opened it, there was a small picture of Twilight and I on our wedding day.

“Press the button!” Twilight said eagerly once I’d had a chance to inspect the gift.

I raised a brow. “The one that opens the locket?”

“Yes! It’ll do a thing!” Twilight gushed.

I gave her an odd look before turning my attention to the locket again so I could see what happened when I followed instructions. Much to my surprise, pressing the button changed the picture in the locket. There were pictures of Blue, Trixie, Nashoba, and Noir in the locket as well. “... I’m going to enchant the fuck out of this.” I said softly.

“I’ve already enchanted it to ‘fuck’ levels, Honey.” Twilight tittered.

“I can feel your Magic on it. I can make this thing last until time restarts.” I replied, making the locket my Catalyst.

“Until time restarts?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah, the universe is made to be old, not to last forever. It takes a googol years… A googol of years? It takes a fuckton of years for a universe to wear itself out, okay? When it burns out, then it hyper-implodes and swallows itself before exploding all over again into all sorts of pretty things. That’s where my real work starts.” I sighed.

“... I-I don’t… Max, are gods meant to live that long?” Twilight asked.

I gave her a sad smile. “We’ll figure something out, Cherry. For now, thank you so much for this.” I put the locket on and held it for a moment, smiling.

Twilight put her hand on my arm and gave me a worried look. “... You’re right back to outliving everyone again.”

“Pretty much. Oh well, if I ever want to see anyone again, I can just recreate them.” I said, trying to put Twilight at ease.

“You upset yourself by saying that.” Twilight said, sounding hurt. “If you don’t want to live that long, can’t you just… come with me?”

I shook my head. “God is one of the oldest Capital G’s out there, Cherry, and he didn’t find a decent replacement until me. He hasn’t told me exactly how long he waited to bring me around, but I can tell you that time’s reset itself multiple times under his watch.”

“... Ah.”

“You’ll only be waiting a few weeks at most in Heaven.” I said truthfully. “And if you let yourself, you’ll be glad to find that our friends will have probably been waiting for you for a long time. You never know what Heaven will create for you.” I gave her a gentle smile.

Twilight chuckled. “It’d probably come back to the time when you’d just proposed to me, before The War. Before the worst…” She closed her eyes and the corners of her mouth lifted as she took herself there.

I let her have the moment of respite, despite my burning envy. Sadly, it was in The Code that I was to remain universally vigilant at all times, and Retrospecting would have closed off too many of my senses. God personally warned me against that mistake, so I made sure to heed his warning the first time around instead of learning the hard way, whatever that way happened to be. After Twilight was done reliving the good old days, she met me with an apologetic smile.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to get drawn into the memory-”

I kissed her cheek. “Cherry, it’s okay. I know better than anyone how it is to get sucked into your head.”

“Thank you for being so understanding.” Twilight sighed.
I nudged my wife and offered her an encouraging smile. “You’ve been doing better lately, Cherry. Don’t be like me and get so down on yourself that you can’t move past it.”
She gave me some side-eye and a minute smile. “... I guess no one wants to be like the old Max.”

I scoffed. “The new one is still trying to grasp letting things go, but he’s still doing better than the old guy. Maxdamn, I feel like Trixie.”

Twilight rolled her eyes as hard as she could before propping her arm up on the table and covering her eyes. “Oh my gosh, Max, stop.”

“Stop what?” I asked innocently.

“Stop swearing in your own name!” My wife groaned.
“Well, God gets annoyed when I swear in his name, and swearing in your name makes you uncomfortable-” I reasoned as reasonably as reasonable reasoning can be. You could also say that I logicked logically with logical logic.

Twilight cut me off with, “You’re just pumping your own ego because you think it’s hilarious that you’re the next in line. You’re also killing me slowly, Amour.”

“I guess I’ll pray to me to extend your life, or at least ease your suffering. I’ve heard I’m generous like that.” I offered her a grand smile as some staff members brought our food out.

I’d made time to personally prepare Twilight’s food while she’d given directions for my thirty-two ounce steak to be cut in the shape of a heart since there was no fucking way she was about to do that shit. Seriously, she still gags if she smells meat on my breath, after being together for over a decade, though it’s been longer since then. Anyway, I made Twilight a heart-shaped frittata with her favourite veggies inside and some special sauce, raw sauce, to go along with it. It was more because I just felt like seeing if she’d still eat it if she knew what it was.

When our food was in front of us, a little sauce pot was placed with my food, just like Twilight. We exchanged a glance and raised brows that were followed by shrugs. I made sure to douse half of my steak in the sauce before trying the un-sauced portion because it’s just etiquette, dammit. Shit was perfectly medium since I’m neither a bloodthirsty caveman nor an uncultured wankwad, so I tried the accompanying condiment along with my food and found, to (Hopefully) no one’s surprise that the sauce tasted of wine. I chewed slowly and turned to Twilight to find that she was giving me the same little smirk I was giving her.

“I helped make the sauce myself.” We said in unison.

I made sure not to break eye contact as I reached for the little saucepot and made sure to cover the rest of my food before drinking the rest from the container. Twilight’s face slowly grew brighter and brighter until I finished with my tasty beverage, and for comedic effect, I burped a little. “Delicious. Now, why were subtle notes of wine so complementary to the steak?”

“Um…” Twilight wore a goofy little grin. “Can I tell you when we finish eating?”

“Sure thing, Cherry.” I gave her a smile.

We tucked into our meals and I noticed that Twilight didn’t let a single drop of my special sauce go to waste, kind of like how I was mopping up the rest of the ‘gravy’ with a piece of bread. It was actually rather good: No, I’m not that kinky. Okay, maybe a little, but still. Twilight ended up drinking half of her coffee, then pouring the rest of the sauce I’d made for her into the cup since it was some weird flower-based thing. I only provided the special ingredient, in fairness. I had someone else make the majority of the sauce, so I had no idea how the fuck it went with both eggs and coffee. It didn’t matter since it made Twilight giggle the entire time she was trying to drink it, which was adorable.

Digit and Tender had the day off, along with the rest of Agents. Our Minister of Agriculture, Applejack, was back at Sweet Apple Acres for the day, and Fluttershy, our Groundskeeper, was there with her since Fluttershy’s animals tended to come out the Castle when she was out and about these days. It’s a great place for them to be babysat to be honest. Aurum has a soft spot for Fluttershy and happily keeps an eye on things for her while Urana is still shutting Krel down. Nashoba’s moved on, since we’re on the topic of Krel, but she still hasn’t found someone new that catches her eye. However, I’ve seen her look at Aurum for a little longer than she should and I can smell a smelly smell coming from her when she’s around him for too long, but it might be nothing. Nothing at all, like she says.

Pinkie, our Head Chef, was probably banging Rarity’s brains out for the rest of the day. I’d already caught them on one of their dates in fucking Ponyville Park, and then a-fucking-gain in my Maxdamn office! Like, I had to ask how many times they’d been caught, but apparently only I’ve ever come across them while they were in the act. Rarity’s job as Castle Seamstress meant that she didn’t really have to do shit all day anyway unless she felt like it, so she wasn’t missed at all. Rainbow didn’t get a job at the Castle because she moved to Cloudsdale to be a Wonderbolt shortly after I got her turned yellow. She said that she would visit as often as she could, but it’s not like I was expecting to see her anytime soon since she didn’t like me. She’d visited Twilight, the person who didn’t get her into the Wonderbolts, multiple times, but not me. I would have been more upset, but there wasn’t really much love lost between us.

Twilight headed to the Court Hall and I headed to my office, and for once, I had a fucktonne more paperwork to deal with than Twilight. Since Crimson, Fleur, Onyx, and Fancy all had the day off, I had their paperwork. Tender being home just meant that the nonessential paperwork I used to do got added back to my stack. It’s not like it really mattered since I finished everything with a snap of my fingers, having triple checked everything in the time it took for my middle finger to meet my palm. Being God is nice sometimes.

I shifted outside and mosied about for a little while, but the OIT’s weren’t training today since most of them were on missions. Lost Legacy was still running around the track, so I passed up the regular guards to go and talk to him for a little bit. When I caught up to him, I asked, “So how’s it feel to be a real Operative, mate? Can’t feel bad, right?”

Legacy laughed. “Boss, it’s the best! This is what I was meant to do! I know I’m not really supposed to get too into being an Operative, but I love everything about it!”

I chuckled as we jogged along the track. “You’re a fucked up guy, you know that? I heard about that Germaneigh Drug Chocolate Op. It was a fucking bloodbath.”

Legacy frowned. “Yeah, it was messy, but the job still got done and collateral was nonexistent.”

“We were supposed to arrest those guys, mate. Not kill them.”

“... So…?”

“You fuck up like that again and you know you’re catching a suspension, right? Or we’ll put you on a leash.” I said frankly.

Legacy didn’t take kindly to that. “I get my missions done and no innocent ponies die. What else is there to it?”

I stopped him and folded my arms. “Not all of these guys are killers, Lost Legacy. Some of these guys are just average people who got caught up in the-”

“Well they should have done the right thing instead of taking the easy way out!” He snapped. “No one forced them to be bad guys-”

I slapped the piss out of him because that rather pissed me off. Legacy balled his fists up while I jammed a finger in his face and seethed. “You listen here you fucking neophyte: Sometimes you don’t get a fucking choice. Sometimes the right thing to do gets your family killed. You, you fucking idiot, either need to wisen the fuck up or hope to the Heavens that I don’t catch you slipping again.”

He glared at me with fury in his eyes. “Your style was messy when you were an Operative.”

“Don’t you fucking compare yourself to me, Legacy. I felt guilty after my first kill. Taking another life actually affected me, but you’re proving to be a psychopath.”

His jaw worked. “I don’t see why I should be feeling bad for killing the scum of Equus, especially when they’re hurting Equestria while they’re up to their wicked ways. Isn’t it our place to put ponies like that down for good instead of-”

“What’s the escape rate in Equestrian prisons, Legacy. Tell me this.” I said coldly.

He glared a little harder. “I don’t know.”

“Point zero zero two one. Less than one percent of Equestrian prisoners manage to escape, and those that do need to be handled by Alicorns. Killing people makes you evil; imprisoning them makes you seem good. Take it from someone who was a Goddamn slave for half a decade; dying is preferable to captivity.”

Legacy snorted and curled his lip. “They don’t suffer if you just shove them in a cell.”

“I beg to differ.”

“Oh shut up. Everypony knows you went soft after you woke up from that damn coma.” Legacy spat.
I gave him a smile and a hearty chuckle. “Duel. You lose, you’re done with Castle Arcadia and you get thrown under Luna’s wing. You win, you name your terms.”

Lost Legacy smirked at me. “It’s been a year and a half since you’ve done anything other than exercise, Prince. If you’re really looking to get embarrassed, then we can do that.”

“You do realize I don’t have to duel you to fire you, right?” I said frostily.

He sobered up a bit. “If I win, I want to handle my missions my way.”

“Keep the collateral ratio the same and you have a deal.” I extended my hand.

He shook it. “Hand-to-hand, fight to fall.”
I nodded. “You do realize that I have to fuck you up, right?”

Legacy gave me a smug, swaggerous smirkety smirk. “I beat Crimson regularly. Swift Strike isn’t even a challenge these days.”

I chuckled at that and shook my head. “It’s cute that you think you have a point. It’s been six and a half years since I’ve had a fight, but neither of your milestones stand a chance against me.”

Legacy hesitated to respond. “Bluffing doesn’t suit you.”

I just gave him a little smile before walking off to the sparring circles with him following close behind. We got there with plenty of time to spare since we weren’t on a schedule, and when I saw Swift Strike giving out some suggestions to the new recruits, I went over and tapped his shoulder. “Oi. Mind if I borrow your watchful eye for a moment?”

He turned and gave me a mildly disturbed look. “... You alright, Max?”

“Oh, I’m fine. Lost Legacy thinks he doesn’t have to follow my rules because I’ve gone soft. Do you think that I’ve gone soft?” I asked neutrally.

Swift glanced at the recruits who were listening intently. “I won’t lie to you, Max.”

“Ah. Well, I guess I have to set an example.” I smiled.

My former team mate took a shaky breath. “Look, I know you think you’ve got something to prove right now, but you don’t gotta put him in the hospital or anything, Max. Just knock him out.”

I raised a brow. “You really want to tell me not to get hurt.”

He winced. “Well… You said you were on that Equis planet for two years and you said it was peaceful, then you said that bad thing happened for five years, and the year and a half you’ve been back, you haven’t really been sparring or anything…”

I nodded. “Alright. Come have your faith restored.”

Swift nodded and followed me over to an empty sparring circle. I stood on one of the little rectangle things and Legacy stood on the other. Swift gave the rules as were explained to him, and thus Legacy sprung at me before I could even shift into a stance. It didn’t really matter since I just had to deflect his punches, but I’ll give it to the guy; they were pretty fast. Crimson must have slowed down a bit in the past few years, because I certainly remembered my Agent being a lot faster than Legacy. I didn’t even bother setting up Riptide since I just didn’t need to. It just wasn’t necessary for the level of skill that Legacy was showing. However, the guy was just feeling my vibe for the first few punches until he got serious and started getting faster.

I still didn't put up any kind of guard when Legacy got faster, trusting my dexterity to keep me away from him as I dodged and swayed out of the way of his blows. He caught me with a wicked fast spin-kick that pushed me back two steps, but I wasn’t ready to get serious quite yet. I was, however, ready to start throwing blows in return, so I slipped into my well refined Crashing Waves stance and sent a brutal front kick into Legacy’s knee and made it buckle, forcing him to the ground for a moment. I let him get up and get his space, and much to my surprise, he didn’t let his leg make him limp like most people would have. I hated that Lost Legacy was a serial killer waiting to happen, or rather, he was a vigilante in progress, but I’d trained the monster I was fighting.

I didn’t throw another blow at Legacy since I didn’t feel the need to, but I’d dialed my strength down to match his, so it should be clear that I was trying to send a fucking message as Legacy pulled out more stops and started mixing kicks and knees into his combos. Instead of being a prick, I decided to try and defend from the Crashing Waves stance, but that wasn’t going terribly well for me since that’s not what it’s fucking made for. I ended up catching a hard hook to the jaw, a knee to the side, and an uppercut that shouldn’t really count since it only clipped me, but I’d had enough of Legacy’s shit since he wasn’t slowing down. After considering drawing it out to show that I was indefatigable, I rolled my eyes as Legacy whipped an axe kick down at my pate and dodged out of the way to slide into the Riptide stance.

Legacy didn’t care enough about the stance change to slow down, which was a mistake. He tried to send a high, scything kick my way, but I redirected the momentum and pushed as I got out of the way of the blow to send Legacy careening to the ground. He got up within the blink of an eye and came back with a thrust kick that I batted out of the way with ease before stepping in quickly to kick his balancing foot only to whip a quick backwards kick to the hoof he’d tried to hit me with to make him do the splits. Maximus might be a merciful God, but ‘Prince Max’ is known to have his moments with discipline, and I’d like to think that kicking Legacy hard enough to get him back onto his hooves was just another moment of discipline at its finest.

Shouldn’t have called me soft.

Legacy took the blow about as well as one can, which is to say that he held his chest and glared at me. His crotch was fine since Operatives need to be flexible, but that kick had winded him. Me being me, and me trying to teach a fucking lesson, I had to let Legacy get his breath back before approaching him with my guard down. My smile was long gone and the look that I wore when I was actually trying to intimidate people was on my face, which put a rose of fear in his heart. Its metaphorical thorns dug into his chest as I set my gaze upon him and it’s bud bloomed when I closed the distance between us faster than he could back away and kicked the back of his knee with the intent to break the damned thing.

Legacy’s leg touched his chest and the power of my strike sent him onto his back, so I walked away and paced around for a little bit until I heard his breathing even out, but Swift didn’t let him get back up. “Hey, this is enough!” He said firmly, waving a few of the more experienced soldiers over to help intervene. “Max, come on. We get it, alright? Just because you’re not out here practicing doesn’t mean-”

“This is deeper than that little comment, Swift, and it’s on a need to know basis. Get out of the ring.”

He took a deep breath. “No.”

I snapped my fingers and shifted everyone else out of the ring before warding it. “No one’s going to die today, so don’t worry about that. However, a lesson is being taught, and you’d do well to listen. Excessive force will be met with excessive force. We of Castle Arcadia are not here to judge who wakes up tomorrow and who doesn’t, or rather, that’s not your job. It’s mine, and it’s not a curse I want anyone else to have to bear, but this,” I pointed at Legacy who was getting up slowly, “is what happens when you invite that curse upon yourself. Even if they’re the bad guys, your job is to arrest and detain. In his case, it’s a little more than that, but the effect is still the same.”

“Keep preaching, hypocrite! Everyone knows what you did during The War! Everyone knows that you had one of the shortest and bloodiest track records in Operative history when you look at your mission-to-casualty ratio! You used to do exactly what I’m doing-”

“Which is fucking why I know it’s wrong!” I snarled. “You, however, refuse to learn. It’s about time you figured it out, Lost Legacy.”

Legacy glared at me for a moment. “You know what? You think you can handle me, don’t you? You think I’m done for!” He shouted.

My lip curled. “You’re done when I say so.”

He bore his teeth at me. “And you’re done now.” Legacy growled, his eyes turning black. “You weren’t the only one Noir favoured.”

My face fell flat and I assumed the Riptide stance again, but this time I wasn’t fucking around. “You realize that you’re using a killing technique, correct?” I asked flatly, reminding myself of Beige.

Legacy pulled out another surprise and copied my stance, which pissed me off more than a little bit since I hadn’t taught it to anyone other than Nyx and Twilight. “Oh, I know. I’m not going to go that far, but I’ll teach you a lesson.”

He was in my face with a fist in the blink of an eye, but I leaned away and caught his hand, making him jerk me along with him when he tried to reclaim his limb. I sank two quick punches into his stomach and made some space before assuming my stance again, but Legacy gave me no time to breath and came in with a lightning fast thrust kick that would have connected if it was anyone other than an Alicorn. Some gods would have gotten hit by it because not all of them fight, but then again, Twilight’s only been in one fight in her life, but that happened later in the year and Cadance still hasn’t fought anyone to this day. Shining would have gotten his shit kicked in because Noir’s Heart Attack technique puts a normal person on an Alicorn’s level, and Legacy was already a damn good fighter. Shining was good, but he wasn’t at Swift’s level, let alone Crimson’s.

Got distracted. Back to the fight.

I slammed my fist into Legacy’s leg and sent it back to the dirt before I hit him once in the neck. He looked confused for a second before he grit his teeth and clutched the pressure point I’d hit him in like I’d just stabbed him. He wisely backed off, but the pain wasn’t going to recede until I made it, and when he figured it out, he let loose a wretched whinny that I’d heard from a few Berserkers that popped up in my squads during The War. Legacy officially stopped giving a fuck about the rules and went for lethal strikes, his fists faster than the average eye could see, but my eyes tend to be all-seeing or some shit, which made it simple to catch his fists, fling them to his sides, and start working my flowing strikes into his chest.

Legacy actually managed to throw a couple of punches past my flurry of blows, but like most people who get the rhythm set on them, he was fighting a battle of attrition and his supplies were rotting away in his hands. Once I’d beaten Legacy’s arms and chest to the point where he couldn’t throw anymore punches, I started in on his legs by whipping around behind him and punting the opposite knee this time around to a similar effect as the last kick. Before he could fall, however, I swept his legs out from underneath him, kicked the poor bastard hard enough to keep him in the air, and then finished the lesson with a savage left overhand that didn’t sound pretty when it landed.

When I was sure that Legacy was alive, yet done for the day, I dropped the ward and let Swift rush in to check up on him. “Medic! Get your flank over here!”

Once there were a few first responders tending to Legacy, Swift marched up to me with a venomous look in his eye. “That was some unnecessary shit, Max. What the buck is wrong with you?”

I gestured for him to follow me with a finger and we walked away from the crowd of soldiers until we were a decent distance away. “Oi. You think I’m just going to wreck someone over bullshit? You fucking know better, Swift.” I said, trying out my Dad voice.

He crossed his arms and took a deep breath, letting out slowly. “Why?”

“He was exterminating, not Operating.” I replied stonily.

Swift stared at me. “... And that’s not his job?”

I gave him a look. “You were an Operative, Swift. You know damn well that you stick to the assignment, no matter what.”

“Right, stupid question. You wouldn’t be destroying the guy if it wasn’t some serious stuff.”

“And that’s the message I want you to get across to everyone. What I said still stands.”

“Don’t hurt ponies without a really good reason. Gotcha.” He nodded. “On the down low, though, what’s happening to Legacy? I mean, Crimson and Fleur are always talking about him being the best we have at the moment.”
I looked at him calmly. “He’s done. I need people who follow my rules, who don’t take matters into their own hands to follow their idea of justice.”

“... What do you mean by done?” Swift asked slowly.

“He’s not going to be an Operative here anymore. I’m sending him to Luna so she can put him to use.”
“Ah. So… You’re giving up one of our best people.” Swift said to clarify.

“Yup.” I answered plainly.

“Because they’re too violent?”

“He’s too violent to be handling Arcadian business, but Equestrian shit? Luna’s right up his alley. She’ll appreciate the gift, and he’ll be well aware of her approval once she sees his abilities.”

“That’s if he can even walk after this. The way you kicked his legs would’ve hobbled a normal pony for weeks.”

“I’ll heal him before I send him off. I want the message to stick.”

Swift shivered. “You didn’t even get serious with him. That’s the scary part.”

“I got close.” I said, a little offended. “Legacy was a good match.”

My former teammate glared at me. “Uh, no. Crimson and I are a good match. Fancy and I used to be a decent match. Egg Nog and Alternate Jay are an alright match. You and Legacy were an awful match, Max. Like, I was standing with Sand Bank and Iron, and all three of us could see that you let him hit you. If you didn't, then the guards who stopped me from coming in sooner wouldn’t have even bothered.”

“Oh come on. I could’ve done a lot worse with a lot less effort.”

“I saw you hit him with that weird little move that hurts like bucking Tartarus.” Swift said judgmentally.

“He used a killing technique against me. He deserved it.” I replied easily.

“Uh, Max? You still didn’t have to get serious! Like, it was just unnecessary!”

I shrugged. “He’s the one who fucked up, called me out, and then accepted my challenge. If you’re trying to make me feel bad, you may as well save your breath unless bitching is making you feel better.”

Swift sighed. “At least you’ve still got a spine. Ponies have been spreading all sorts of rumors about you being crazier than Pinkie.”

I scoffed. “That’s year-old news, Swift. I did go crazier than Pinkie, but I came back to sanity after a little while.”

“Right. The thing no one’s supposed to bring up.” He said.

“Getting awfully close to bringing it up, Swift.” I said calmly.

He raised his hands. “Backing off, Boss. I’m gonna go do damage control while you go sort out the paperwork for this headache.”

“Nah, it’s your paperwork since you wanted to bitch at me.” I said loftily.

“Aww, come on!” Swift groaned. “You remember that time I got promoted to Lieutenant! I never even saw the Training Grounds because the paperwork took so long!”

“Sucks to be you.” I smiled at him.

He breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh thank Celestia, I thought you were serious for a second.”

I clapped him on the shoulder. “Have fun with damage control, bud. I’m gonna go snap that paperwork.”

“How much paperwork do you have right now? You must be putting it off to get out here so early everyday.”

I looked him in the eye and said, “I get six hours of paperwork done in less than a second, mate. Perks of being as powerful as me.”

Swift held his hand out and glared at me. “Give me some power too.”

“What would you be in charge of if you had to pick a thing? Would you be a Prince of Fighting or something like that?”

He gave me an odd look and lowered his hand. “Uh… Guess I’d be the Prince of Camaraderie. I mean, fights are exciting, but there’s nothing like the bond between people you serve with, you know? Not to like, discredit Twilight or anything, but I think Camaraderie is more… I dunno, I guess it just runs deeper than friendship.”

I tapped his forehead and made him a middle-rank god. “Well, I’m sure you can have that argument with her when you feel the need.”

Swift blinked a few times to clear the cosmic dew from his eyes. “... Okay then.”

“You always said immortality would be your power of choice, right?” I smirked.

He blinked some more. “Uh… Can you get my fiance too? I mean, Iron is kinda the mare I’d like to be immortal with.”

I snapped my fingers and it was done. “Sure thing. If either of you get tired of being immortal, just tell me and I’ll let you live out the rest of your time

“... Thanks?” The orange Pegasus scratched his head.

“I just gave you forever. Don’t be a cock.” I groused.

“I said thanks!” He defended.

“You didn’t sound too sure about it.” I said, pursing my lips.

Swift gave me a look. “I need to stop falling for your shit.”

I grinned. “How’d you know this time?”

“I guessed.” He said honestly.

“Fair’s fair, I suppose. Have fun with being a god.”

“Yeah, I’ll… I dunno… What can I do?”

I rubbed my neck. “Well… You can use air as a weapon and inspire camaraderie in people, so… I guess you’d be a great Squad Leader or something. Just be happy that you’re going to live for millions of years.”

Swift chuckled. “Yeah, no. I’ll probably make it a thousand years and call it quits depending on how long Iron sticks around.”

“Not long.” We both sighed.

“Who knows? Maybe she’ll change her mind and decide that two hundred years isn’t long enough when she’s actually living through it?” I offered him a hopeful smile.

“Yeah! We just never know, right?” Swift smiled back. “I gotta get to work, but thanks, Max. I’ll owe you for this.”

“Don’t worry about all that, mate. Just try to make the most of it.” I waved him off and shifted into the Castle to start my walkabout.

I ran into Berry Blitz during my walkthrough and she was happy to see me. “Boss! I haven’t seen you in a couple days! How’re you doing?” She asked, being her usual bubbly self.

I smiled and gave her a quick hug. “I’m doing well. I just had to teach a hard lesson to someone, so I’m sure you’ll be hearing about that before too long.”

Berry gave me a worried look. “Was it a guard or a staff member?”

“Operative.”

She winced. “Big rule?”

“Big rule.” I nodded.

My longtime maid inhaled through her teeth. “Ooh. At least most ponies should understand that breaking Operative rules gets heavy punishments.”

I shrugged. “It should already be expected. Either way, Lost Legacy-”

Berry gasped. “You mean it was Legacy!?”

I nodded again. “Big rule.”

She paled and placed a hand on the small ponch on her stomach. “Oh…”

It doesn’t take a God to know that there was life inside of her. “I told you not to leave Duster for an Operative, Berry.” I sighed. “I also warned you against picking Lost Legacy of all people to be in a relationship with.”

“... He’s not banished, is he?”

“No, but he’s no longer an Arcadian Operative. I’m giving his sword over to Luna so she can direct him in the way he needs.”

A hopeful look entered Berry’s eyes. “Do you think that she can calm him down?”

I tilted my head at her. “If not Luna, then I doubt anyone could, but what makes you ask that?”

Berry winced, but she smiled. “Oh, you know. He’s just rambunctious, always doing something or other.”

I left my head at an angle. “You know I don’t like it when you lie to me, Berry. Does this need to be a private conversation?”

She cast a furtive glance around us, seeing that we had some company coming from both ends of the hall. “... I don’t want this to be a conversation, Boss. Legacy forgets that I’m not as tough as he is sometimes. He doesn’t mean to be rough, he just forgets his own strength sometimes…”

“Give me an example, Berry.” I asked, softly.

She rubbed her arm. “W-Well…”

I came a little closer and placed a gentle hand on her arm. “You know that you can trust me with anything, Berry. I consider you a friend, so let me help you.”

Berry gave me a tight smile. “Everything’s fine, Boss. There’s nothing to worry about.”
I tapped her forehead before she could react and learned that Legacy was mildly abusive. He hadn't hit her yet, but I witnessed Berry getting shoved more than once or twice when they had an argument, and that irritated me. “Berry, you don’t need to be with Legacy, even if you’re having a ‘foal’ with him.”

She glared at me. “I’ll thank you to stay out of my business, Max.”

“Looks like you’re not thanking me anytime soon. The next time Legacy puts his hands on you might be the last in all the wrong ways, Berry. I’m sending him off because he’s not safe.”

“What if he needs me, Max!? What if-”

“What if he kills your ‘foal’ because you said the wrong thing.” I said softly. I wasn’t asking a question.

“... H-He wouldn’t do that.” Berry said, doubting herself.

I squeezed her arm. “I’ll protect you, Berry. You don’t have to be afraid of him.”

“You don’t know him like I do, Boss. H-He… He’s just young and full of energy…”

“We both know that’s not true, Berry. Please; it’s just a matter of time before he does more than leave you with a few bruises.”

She sniffed and raised her chin. “I’m tough enough to handle it.”

I let my hand rest on her tummy. “You are, but are they?”

Berry lost a lot of her steam on the spot. “... He wouldn’t put his own foal’s life in danger.”

“You don’t really believe that.”

“... I’m not leaving him, Max, so stop trying.” My friend said resolutely.

I gave her a sad smile. “I’ll be there for you if you need me. I’ll always be there, Berry.”

“Thank you. I have to get back to work.” She said briskly.

I stood aside and let her continue on her way, pointing my middle and index fingers at her as she walked away. I didn’t want to rewire her or Legacy since doing that shit makes me feel dirty, so I just enchanted Berry herself. A passive little spell made sure that a barrier would stop anyone from putting angry hands on her, and thus my conscience was decently clear enough for me to not just turn around and go kill Legacy for abusing his fiance.

With that little surprise out of the way, I accidentally broke Legacy’s legs because I thought about it for too long, but it’s not like they were irreparable, so I wasn’t too upset about it. I made a few rounds about the Castle and stopped by to check how Lassie was managing the kitchen since she’s in charge when Pinkie isn’t. Shit was going well, and lunch just so happened to roll around while I was there, so I beat Twilight to the Dining Hall, but when our eyes met and I gave her a brilliant smile, she met me with a mildly frustrated look.

“Amour, word around the Castle is that you started sparring again.” My wife said worriedly. “Is that true?”

“Nope. That was a duel.” I replied. “Lost Legacy broke some rules and doubted my ability to hand his arse to him, so class came to session.”

Twilight sighed. “What rules did he break?”

“The last forty people we were supposed to get dirt on for an arrest ended up dead by his hands. His reports always say ‘Things got messy’, which isn’t false. What he didn’t mention was that he was making them messy.”

“Ah… So he’s a vigilante with a Seal.” Twilight surmised.

“Pretty much. I’m letting Luna have him so she can put him to use doing what he’s good at. I might see if she can break him and dull his claws a bit, but you know how it is.”

My wife sighed hard. “I really don’t like that we need killing machines… Why don’t we just Dark Magic everyone into being nice?”

“That would probably piss Celestia off.” I replied, propping up my head on my hands.

“Well, yeah, but does her opinion really matter?” Twilight asked for the hundredth time.

“Hers doesn’t, but God’s does. You know he doesn't want me fucking around with Equus.” I chided.

Twilight tsked. “I still don’t see why he won’t let you rule Equus.”

I shrugged. “It’s a gift, Twilight. You don’t give away a gift.”

“He’s giving you the entire universe!”

“He passing it down to me. Whether I want it or not, at this point it’s too late to back out.” I shook my head. “Anyway, you wanna eat lunch?”

“I’d rather do that than not. I helped Lassie make the soup for today!” Twilight finished cheerfully.

“Is there more wine-flavoured icing in it?” I asked.

She blushed. “Well, there was going to be, but then Lassie kept tasting it.”

I scratched my chin. “Yeah, about that…”

Twilight covered her mouth. “She didn’t!”

“I wasn’t paying attention and she tried it.” I bit back a grin, using the discomfort I felt as my barricade. “I’m somewhere between dying of laughter and dying of horror right now.”
“Both of our Head Chefs know what your stuff tastes like, Amour. Are you sure you’re not doing it on purpose?”

“Uh, the reason Pinkie knows what I taste like in the first place is because you let her try that damned eclair, and the other reason is because I lost my Goddamn mind and slept with her while I was batshit, dogshit, whaleshit levels of certified.”

Twilight giggled at that because she’s a sadist sometimes. “I still find that pretty funny. You’ve always been so vehement about getting Pinkie off of you and then you go crazy and sleep with her anyway!”

“I really wish I’d stop getting reminders about that.” I groaned.

“You brought it up.” Twilight pointed out.

“I’ll poke you between the legs with Doctor Lowe.” I warned.

“Do I get to give consent?”

“If you want to. It doesn’t have to be verbal. You can just nod if that’s how you wanna do it.”

Twilight nodded and I smiled as she shifted to come sit next to me. “It’s Hearts and Hooves Day. You’re definitely getting at least another favour.”

“Can I have a kiss right now?”

She gave it to me and our food was brought out soon enough, but instead of going our separate ways after our meal, I accompanied Twilight to the Court Hall and sat in as couples came in all day, bitching and moaning about not getting sex, their special someone not doing anything for the holiday, and the occasional herd member who was feeling stiffed. It was a boring work day that concluded with Twilight and I meeting with our Head of Staff to remind everyone to use protection later in the night. Jolly Good was always happy to tell people to do things, especially if it was something that she could make awkward. Sure, Twilight gets a lot of complaints about her, but she does her damn job, and she does it well.

Twilight and I deigned it worthy of our time to walk up the ten flights of steps since neither of us could get tired from it if we didn’t want to, so we chatted on the way up about how our days had gone. I mentioned that I’d made Swift a god and I felt a milt trill of interest come from Twilight. It was barely there, but I couldn’t help myself as I remembered my suggestion from fucking years ago when I was teasing Twilight about something. I told Swift that I’d pay him to put a baby in Twilight if I couldn’t find a way to do it, and I laughed my fucking arse off, damn near falling down the stairs at the connection.

“Max! Be careful, you goofball!” Twilight cried.

I chuckled and floated back to my feet. “I didn’t know you had a thing for Swift, Cherry. Tell me, was it my fault?”

Twilight groaned and stopped on one of the platforms between flights. “Ma~ax! Why do you have to be so damn intuitive!?”

I grinned and shook my head. “I’m sorry, but I’m fucking cracking up over me potentially cucking myself with a good friend.”

She gave me the sternest look she could manage at the moment, which didn’t phase me at all. “You’re such a butt, you know that? I’m not going to go after Swift.”

I folded my arms and tried to come up with a proper look for the moment, but couldn’t find one. I ended up going with my Derp Face, saved from back in year nine. “It’s weird that you want me to stay inside your circle of friends, but I don’t really want you sleeping with any of my guy friends.”

Twilight seemed puzzled. “I’ve thought about that, but I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong with your face. Max, are you doing that on purpose?”

I kept the wall eyes going. “Doing what?”

“... Your eyes are a little… Derpy Hooves-ish.”

I shook my head slightly and spread my hands. “I mean, I’m seeing just fine. Are you sure my semen isn’t hallucinogenic or something?”

“Max!” Twilight hissed, casting a bubble around us. “I know people assume, but you don’t need to announce it!”

I gave her a bored look. “We’re the only ones who ever take the stairs, Twilight. Seriously. Unless they’re cumming here, no one comes here.”

“You just contradicted yourself.” My wife said, thinking she was right and that I was probably gonna quip at her to prove that she wasn’t.

Well, she was right. “That’s spelled with a ‘U’, not an ‘O’, Cherry.”

She covered her eyes and sighed. “I knew it.”

“You should’ve.”

“You make me want to go back to hitting you sometimes.”

“Please don’t.” I replied quietly. “I like how it is now.”

My wife grimaced. “Flashback?”
“Normal memory.”

“Ah… I know you told me to stop apologizing for it, but…”

“It’s fine, Twilight. You’ve more than made up for it since we’ve come back to Equus, so
let’s get up these stairs so you can let Doctor Lowe play tongue depressor.” I said smoothly. I wasn’t trying to guilt her into giving me a slinger since that would have made me feel like a piece of shit, but I did want her mind on sex so I could distract her in other ways for the rest of the night.

She knew exactly what I was doing. “If I was more like Pinkie or Rarity, I’d suggest we do it here.”

I made a face. “I’m not really into… that. Exhibitionism has been rather ruined for me.”

My wife winced this time. “Yup, flashback. Sorry, Amour, I didn’t-”

“Cherry, Beloved, you can’t know every little trigger.” I soothed. “Why don’t you tell me about the shape and warmth of my willy?”

Twilight flushed furiously. [Maximus!]

My ears rang violently. “Oi! The Wife Voice was unnecessary!”

My physical body couldn’t hear (A blessing I gave myself for certain naggings), but my Astral form was doing just fine. “It was very necessary! You can’t just ask about that type of thing!”

I didn’t answer since I was pretending to be deaf, and since my Astral form is separate from my soul, the Covenant couldn’t pick up on my giggles. My physical form was giving Twilight a stony look while tapping an ear. “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you.”

“I know you can read lips, you butthead!”

I closed my eyes and crossed my arms just to fuck with her, but I still knew the layout of the Castle by heart, so I started walking. Twilight followed, slightly amused by my theatrics, but not by much. “Max! I know you can comprehend what I’m saying on some level whether you can technically hear or not! I’ll break out the Wife Voice again if I have to!”

I gave her some side-eye in my physical form. “I can hear your muffled protests, but I’m not going to stop.”

She groaned and stood in front of me on the next platform long enough to give me the remedy for my ailment by way of a kiss. “There, are you done being a butt?”

I settled my focus back into my main body. “I’m always a butt, if your words are anything to go by.”

“My word is law, Dough Boy.” Twilight teased.

I pouted at her. “Shut up, Grape Ape.”

Her jaw dropped before she pouted right back at me. “Now that’s just rude!”

“Making fun of me because I’m pasty isn’t?” I asked petulantly.

“It’s less rude than calling your wife a monkey!”

“You’ve called your husband a monkey multiple times!”

“You’re a Great Ape, you gorilla.” My wife enunciated quite perfectly.

“It’s not like we evolved from those guys! That’s like me calling you a mutant horse!”

“[Max!]”

“Oi!”

She gave me another kiss so she could nag at me, but kisses usually make her lose
steam anyway. Which is why they’re the cure. Duh. “That was mean, Amour.”

“A gorilla is basically a genetically altered Human, Twilight. The only thing that’s not consistent is that my genetic cousin is also bipedal.”

“... That doesn’t make it any better.”

I gave her a look. “Your own medicine tastes bad, right?”

“Ugh, I knew you were gonna say that.” She moaned.

“I’ve grown fond, to be honest with you. It’s not really all that mean, and it’s just the right amount of rubbing it in.” I nodded to myself.

“I dare you to say it to Blue.” Twilight challenged.

“I like my anus clear of hooves, thank you very much.” I huffed in a manly manner.

Twilight rolled her eyes and shifted us to our hall since she was tired of walking up stairs. “It’s not a bad thing that you’re afraid of your Mom, but I don’t think you’re really all that scared of her.”

“I love her too much to ever be scared of her. That, and she’s pretty much always been harmless to me except for her bad cookies.” I shivered.

“Your mother is a menace with her macaroons.” Twilight said, shell shock taking over.

After a moment to collect ourselves from the oral nightmares we’d had to endure, we walked back to our room and sex was committed in multiple ways, but Twilight still wanted me to change into a female. Shit wasn’t happening, even if Twilight did ever actually bother voicing her desire a second time. I still hadn’t even gone to see Roxy because I couldn’t bear to look at her, though at the time I called her my IT. It sucked to be away from her since I missed her, but even thinking of her face made me nauseous and weak in the knees, so I usually said fuck that noise when I thought about it.

The night and the next few days passed quietly enough, but on the fourth day, I got a letter from Luna saying that she was glad to have Legacy among her ranks, but she was certain that me spurning him had fucked him up a little bit since I was his idol or something. She wanted me to come and talk to him or something, so I agreed, but when she went to go retrieve him from his private quarters, he was gone, just as I knew he would be. After a quick ping, I found him in Canterlot, hunting down a small time salt dealer for a lead on a bigger fish. I figured I’d let Luna handle it since she’s her own goddess and all that, but I couldn't help myself from worrying about the path Legacy was heading down. It was looking more and more like he was going to be put down for not following orders, but I just shrugged it off.

I’d liked Legacy until I started interacting with him more often and saw that his ambition was more like an obsession, which made me wary of putting any kind of power in his hands whats so ever. The guy teetered on Lawful Evil from way up on Lawful Good, and it really wasn’t a good combination since he skipped neutral and all its little subsets entirely. If he got the right shove back to his senses, he’d be fine except for the whole spousal abuse thing. He’d stayed his hands from Berry as of the time I was spending thinking about him, which meant that I didn’t have to break his legs again. It didn’t really hurt that Luna was keeping Legacy in Canterlot and I was giving Berry the runaround with her transfer to Celestia’s service. Thankfully, neither of them were bright enough to know that we were setting up for a long term plan that would let Berry have her baby while we worked on cooling Legacy’s head. It sounds cruel to keep a father away from his child, but if he hurt Berry’s kid, I was going to kill him, so I considered it a service.

I didn’t even dock anyone’s pay for it.

It was sundown when I started having my telepathic chat with Luna, and unlike usual, I was out in the Castle Gardens instead of inside, cozied up in my study. The Gardens were still in full bloom, despite it still being winter in Equestria, but Magic is handy like that sometimes. As I strolled, I touched a few of my creations to see how they were doing. The flower bush I’d made for Twilight was doing just fine, and it’s six pointed, deep purple flowers still looked as beautiful as the day I’d made it. The pie-napple plants were all doing just fine, so I took a slice of pecan and went on my merry way. I should have got a slice of apple, but pie-napples never taste as good as Granny’s.

I looked up at the Arvita I’d planted and pinched a little bit of bud from its branches so I could chew on it for a while and continued on to the Yggdrasil Uror put in. Urana convinced her to do it after Aurum got sick one day, though for some odd reason, Uror insisted that if she was going to come to the Castle, that she was going to come through the front gates. That meant that she also wanted to walk through town, but instead of being grumpy or something about being surrounded by civilization instead of nature, Uror wore a smile for most of the trip and was happy to poke fun at some of the things she saw while lauding others once the purpose of their creation was explained. That day had actually included a tour of the Castle for Uror, and when I brought Uror to Twilight to show her where my wife spent most of her time, both women were delighted to have Uror get out of the forest and into our home.

That’s not to say that I wasn’t happy about it too, but I would have gotten Uror out of the Everfree sooner if I knew she thought civilization was so novel.

Anyway, I got distracted by the topic of Uror because when I knocked on the Yggdrasil, that’s who I was fucking trying to talk to. I’d made Uror into a full fledged goddess instead of just a powerful immortal thingy, so she answered the call with a bright smile and a big hug. “Maximus! I see you did not bring Twilight for this nightly visit.” Puzzlement entered her voice.

I shrugged. “I’m here for some advice. You’ve been at this whole ‘Natural Order’ thing,” I threw up some air quotes, “longer than I have, technically. I mean, I have a few pocket universes that I’m working with, but you seem to have it pretty well figured out.”

“Ah, Godly advice. I cannot give this to you.” Uror smiled sadly.

“It’s not Godly advice, it’s about keeping a certain balance. Do I prevent a scarring event, or do I let it unfold?”

“Would you like to know what I would do? As I have done?”

I didn’t need her to say it. “Let it be. Nah.”

She chuckled and gave me a kiss on the cheek, leaving her hands on my arms for a moment. “You’re a good man, Maximus, and you will be a kind God.”

“I’m still telling people to just call me Max. There won’t be another name like it in the universe.” I grinned deviously.

Uror flicked my nose. “Do not be arrogant.”

I flicked her nipple. “I can be as arrogant as I want now. Na-na na-na boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo!”

Uror giggled some more. “A being that has seen more moons than I have seen living creatures is still less mature than one of my younger Dryads at times. How amusing!”

I gave her a smile. “You know I live to make people laugh. So are you still having sex with Noir, or are you taking a break for once?”

I received a look for my words, but Uror continued to smile since she wasn’t upset. “You know perfectly well that Noir and I have avatars that never leave each other’s sides.”

“You realize that even Twilight and I don’t do that, right?” I asked.

“Yes, but you are bound by the Covenant-”

“Do you want to be bound to Noir?” I asked.

Uror actually frowned. “That is a stupid question. I have chosen her as my mate, even if we do not sire offspring.”

I checked with Noir over the span of one question and one answer, and thus I tied their strings together. Uror gasped and beamed before hugging me. “Ah! I can feel her now!”

“I hope you two have fun with the Covenant. Be aware that it’s not always the best thing at times.”

“I am aware of the pitfalls that may occur, but unlike those before me, Noir and I shall overcome them together instead of being miserable and muddling through.”

“Oi.” I said sharply.

Uror gave me a look. “Noir has told me everything about the early days of your and Twilight’s relationship. You two were a mess.”

“Oi!”

“It doesn’t help that your mating utensil is inadequate.”

“Now you’re just trying to hurt my feelings.”

“Noir finds that these small actions called ‘spankings’ work wonders for my jibes.” Uror smiled at me innocently.

I joined Uror in her tree for a little while, and when I came out, I had the vague feeling of a supple bottom on my hands and a happy Uror in my wake. I didn’t want to bother with walking back up to my study, so I just teleported there and poured myself a glass of scotch (I was on a kick) before heading over to Twilight’s lab so I could see what she was up to. As it turned out, she was doing a little tinkering with Festus doing more Magicka-Mechanica shit that I didn’t like to bother with since anything I came up usually involved rewriting history to an extent since I didn’t care to follow the old rules of reality all that stringently.

Festus was the one who acknowledged my presence since Twilight was busy with something. “If it isn’t the top dog himself. What’s good with ya, Max?”

I gave him a little wave and shifted across the room to greet him. “Wotcher, mate. I see you two are sciencing.”

He scoffed. “Barely any science goin’ on here, brother. It’s all Magic right now.”

I rolled my eyes. “Magic says that you’re an arse.”

Festus looked around. “Don’t be so sensitive. Ya work well enough with science, ya finicky essence, so don’t go bein’ all offended.”

I shrugged. “Telling him to not be offended is like telling water to not be wet.”

Festus scoffed again, but Twilight said, “You two need to shush before you get me blown up again! You know Magic likes to keep me on my toes anyway!”

“Don’t be such a stick in the mud, girlie. I been workin’ wit Magic for millions you’ years, and I’m tellin’ ya that the only reason he’ll mess with ya is if you’re just bein’ dumb.” Hephaestus said gruffly.

Twilight found a place to stop and turned around,keeping the project behind her. “I realize that you’re one of the most knowledgeable out there, but you’ve really gotta start respecting your craft. Otherwise, no one else will.”

Festus gave her a shit-eating grin. “Girlie, I act like this stuff is easy ‘cause it is. If it don’t take a thousand years ta figure out, then it ain’t exactly unraveling a thread of fate.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Just help me attune this so we can stop for the night, okay?”

He glanced at me and shook his head. “I’ve done the damn thing four times now, Twilight. It ain’t gonna get any more accurate.”

She groaned. “Just one more time, you lazy old goat!”

He grumbled some ancient Greek under his breath that equated to ‘Mother of all Farting Donkeys’, which made me laugh because Twilight was a bit of an ass when it came to doing her damn research thing. She hadn't told me what her project was and I was curious, but I could see her giving me a look since she’d felt the thrill of curiosity flow through my veins, so I didn’t bother asking about it. Festus calibrated the thing or whatever and Twilight checked it before sighing again and shifting it into her office for safe keeping.

Festus went back to Olympus so he could Oedipus his Mum like the freak that he was while I went to dinner with my wife so we could wrap up the last little bit of our holiday with some cutesy bullshit that made my heart feel warm, but as we were feeding each other bit of fruit covered in chocolate, Twilight asked, “Hey, Amour?”

“Yes, Cherry?” I replied.

“... Could I bring up the topic of having a foal with you?”

I took a moment to think about it, and by that I mean I shattered reality for a sec and relived my entire life, skipping the worst parts for obvious reasons. I made all the same decisions, had all the same fights and disagreements, and walked myself right back into the same situation, every motion perfect down to the decay of my cells.

“Could I bring up the topic of having a foal with you?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

Twilight inhaled shakily, measuring my response. “... I was thinking that we might flip the switch.”

“Okay.” I nodded again.

“... Okay?”

I gave her an anxious smile. “Okay.”

Twilight’s jaw dropped slightly and she blinked rapidly. “A-Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” I answered tightly.

My wife searched my eyes for any sign of doubt, and even after having lived for another twenty or so years, I was still unready to have another child. “... You’re terrified, Amour.”

“... What if I don’t love them?” I asked softly.
“... You do know that Aphrodite and Venus both adore you, right? I’m sure they wouldn’t mind sparking a little familial love for you.” Twilight answered, smiling.

I nodded a few times, not really liking her answer. “Right…”

“You know I won’t let you mess up, right, Max? This time is different. This time, there’s no one trying to hurt you like that again.” Twilight said softly.

“I’ll still go through with it, Cherry, so-”

“Not until you’re ready. I can wait, Max. I just need to know where you’re at so I don’t keep thinking that I need to be prepared for you to pump me full of icing at any given moment.” She let loose an empty giggle.

I reached over and squeezed her arms. “You don’t have to pretend, Twilight. I’m sorry-”

“No, Max. I shouldn’t have brought it up so soon. I mean, there were a lot of awful things that happened, and I know you’re still getting through it.” She gave me a warm smile. “Thank you for trying so hard. Knowing that you’re ready to fight gives me a lot of hope for the future, as ironic as that is.”

I chuckled. “I can be strong because you’re strong for me, Twilight. We keep telling people that we’re codependent and no one believes us.”

She gave me a kiss and a sad smile. “So what are we going to do when my time is up?”

I know she felt the desolation that overtook me because her face collapsed while my mask stayed in place. “We’ll cross that bridge when it comes to it. For the time being, the plan is to visit you in Heaven until you don’t want me anymore.”

Twilight clutched my hands and struggled to stop her tears. “Wow. I-I didn’t mean to strike a nerve, Amour.”

“It’s okay, Cherry. We all have our little slip-ups.” I assured her.

We didn’t talk much after that, but the cuddling later in the night was perfectly comforting, if I do say so myself. I just wanted to include this day because the Kid Talk and the After Party are both important. I’ve already covered how I feel about the kid thing, so I’ll go into the After Party, which is named as such because eventually, things are going to change. When time resets itself, the gods all shift into Hell to serve their terms before getting their due time in Heaven, but they don’t stay there forever.

I’m going to lose Twilight, and there’s not much I can do about it, which is why I put most of my focus into my body on Equus. I want to enjoy every moment I have with her while I have her, because nothing lasts forever. Not even me. Not even my will to write this down, and yeah, mate, I know you’re guiding my hand. You’re not funny, and if I could kick your arse, I fucking would. Fucking strings of fate, tying me to some lard-ass, Mexican-looking American fuckface.

Even when you get the best possible hand to be dealt, sometimes shit still sucks. My power is nearly limitless within my realm, but I can’t even deck the real cause behind my suffering, the guy who’s pulling the strings behind the scenes. A note to my “Author”: Go fuck yourself. Go fucking die. Take a ride down the suislide, because your little outlet is my whole life, mate

Guess I should be thanking you for the good moments too then, I guess… So what? You’re just going to make me write and you’re not going to answer me?

Fine. Can’t make you say anything, so I’m just going to stop writing now, see how you like that.

Shit. I can’t stop. Okay, I can, it’s just… I become God, but there’s still someone higher up on the food chain than me, and I know for a fact that my “Author” bows down to people, so what the fuck gives? What’s it like to really be on top? Is the pyramid so high that the top isn’t visible or something?

… Maybe I’m just crazy and there is no Author. Who knows?

Author's Notes:

Sigh. One more chapter after this...

Hi Max.

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