Chapter Sixty-Seven: But Why Though? Seriously.

The wigwams lined up in rows and the flowers that sprouted in between them were all beautiful, all unnatural colors, and I’m sure they all tasted just wonderful. I felt no desire to try one and find out, but I was eager to find my wife and get a good look at her dreamscape together. The day leading up to the dream had been incredibly tame, so I wondered briefly about whether or not the vividness of the dream was due to Twilight’s relatively boring day. It wasn’t anything to worry about in my book, but I still wanted to see what was up.

I started walking around because that’s how you get shit done, and when I went to inspect the wigwams, I noticed that they held all of the different races. Ponies were present, along with Naga, Dogs, a Cat or two, Gryphons, the one Orangutan Ambassador we’d met, Dragons, and these strange looking deer-like beings that I thought would have looked tastier on four legs than two. I mean, I’d never seen the reindeer people, but I thought that they reminded me a bit more of Caribou than reindeer. I didn’t really know the difference, but it was interesting to see a person with horns and hooves and them not be a Unicorn or a Satyr.

I did a little more walking and came to the main grounds of the little hamlet, seeing that there were all sorts of people putting things into a massive cauldron, though much to my displeasure, there were no tasty animal bits added in for the carnivores. There were, however, mushrooms, flowers of various types, and some vegetables going into the pot, though what confused me were the amounts of clinking I was hearing from the sole Dragon helping out with the cooking process. It seemed like said person was weeding through their supply of whatever and was casually tossing it into the pot, and when I came closer to see what was up, I saw that dude was throwing gems into the pot, and that gave me a moment to chuckle.

I looked up at the sky and saw that twilight was already upon us, though I doubted that Twilight had an actual day/night cycle going on in her dreams. I did, however, know that I only had so long before her constructs started attacking me because I was a foreigner in her familiar land. I wasn’t trying to get my ticket punched and get booted out of her dreamscape, though I doubted that any of her constructs could fight like I could, regardless of whether or not they’d actually feel pain. Still, it would be a worthy fight since there were plenty of opponents, but I try not to think like that these days, just in case I have some post-traumatic stress that’s bubbling beneath the surface, driving me to be more violent while I do nothing about it. It’s better to let it bubble in peace than to stir the pot unnecessarily.

Speaking of stirring the pot, I did that exactly two times before I got my head out of my arse and onto the task at hand: Wife Evaluation and Infiltration. I wasn’t really looking to get laid per se, but I did want to ask her why she had the hippy-dippy lovefest going on and wasn’t around to enjoy it. Hell, now that I think about it, Twilight is all love and peace while she holds held her angst for me and the people who messed with me while I’m pretty much an attack dog at this point, waiting for its next target. That’s a bit of a scary thought, but I know that Twilight holds the leash, so I’m not too worried about being told to go after innocents or civilians at the moment. However, Twilight does have that mean streak in her that can rival anyone else’s, so maybe I should be worried.

Nah. Fuggedaboutit.

So I shifted to Twilight because I could and she turned out to be in a wigwam all her own with various other women doing the same thing she was. My wife was holding two babies, both choking out the last few sobs before they quieted down. It was a weird thing to walk in on, and the deer in the headlights look Twilight gave me told me that she hadn’t been expecting me to show up in this particular dream any time soon. Instead of snarking at her or cracking jokes, I walked over, relieved her of one of her wards, and held them as if they were one of my own.

“Hullo there little buddy. It’s nice to meet you.” I said softly to the construct. I knew Twilight was watching, so I carried on. “You know, one day I’ll have a son, and he’s going to cry and piss on everything, but for moments like these? It’ll all be worth it.”

The baby blew me some bubbles made of slobber, so I wiped the little Unicorn’s mouth off and smiled. “Moments like this…”

“It makes you want one, doesn’t it?” Twilight sighed.

“It does.” I replied softly.

I didn’t look at her, but I knew she was smiling at me. “All in due time then. We’ll have a child of our own to raise and love, Max. All in due time.”

I took my eyes off the baby in my arms and gave Twilight a smirk. “So what? You’re not going to jump my bones until we accidentally have one?”

She rolled her eyes. “We would’ve had a foal a long time ago if your snack time habits are anything to go by. You like to finish inside a lot more than you like letting me finish you off.”

I grin grew. “What can I say? I was born from a womb only to return. Such is the life of a man.”

“It sounds like you’re trying to justify sleeping with your mother.” Twilight giggled.

“Ew dude.”

She beamed at me and stood from her seat. “We don’t have to stick around and be in the nursery for the entire dream, you know. This is just…”

“Why don’t we go for a walk around Otterwa? We can bring the kids.” I said, knowing she would gobble up my idea like it was Thanksgiving in the States and she was a turkey on death row.

Twilight’s face bloomed into a beautiful smile. “You know me so well, don’t you?”

“I try.” I gave her a warm smile.

I closed my eyes shortly after and got us to Otterwa, and after having spent days walking the city, there was plenty of area for us to cover. I also imagined a stroller from my world since I figured it’d be more comfortable, but I think I was just trying to make Twilight understand that I wanted a child with her, but that I just couldn’t handle it quite yet. I don’t know if that’s quite the message I sent as we traversed the main streets of the Gryphonian capital city, but I know that Twilight had a good time and it was probably worth the pitfalls, if there even were any.

The dream ended all too soon and we were thrust back into our daily lives, but as for today, we just sat around the house and soaked in the silence. Neither of us said a thing for hours on end, only getting up to move to a different place for some more chilling or to go get snacks or some shit. It was actually a great way to spend the day and I feel like Twilight and I definitely got something out of it, but I don’t really know what it could be. I suppose it could be something akin to us getting a better feeling for the house, but I’m pretty sure we just needed a day to do absolutely nothing. It was a great time and I suggested that we do it again some time, to which Twilight agreed.

That’s all for this entry. It’s been a fucking lovely day.

It’s been awhile since I’ve had a chance to write in this. Huh. Doesn’t feel like it’s been all that long, but that might just be the copious amounts of mar-iguana I smoked before writing this out. I don’t really have much of a choice since I’m being watched, but I guess I should get started before I get stalled.

So my last entry was about two and half months ago, and things were frankly going great up until right around a week ago. Twilight and I were getting along better than ever, the snacks were fantastic, and we’d started doing pretty much everything together again. Sure, we made friends with the Equis version of the girls and hung out with some more than others on our own time, but I’m happy to report that my wife and I are still inse--------

Yeah, I got hit for that. Apparently I’m not allowed to have happy thoughts or some shit. Fucking Changelings and their bullshit. Seriously, it’s just nonstop bullshit with these guys, but I digress. I was talking about the interim before the little shitstorm went down. I taught Twilight how to use the styles I put into her mind, and our villa in Canterlot was the perfect place for Nyx to stay since she was used to grand abodes anyway. Nyx and I fine-tuned my Crashing Waves style so that it became more efficient and worked on the fluidity of the movements a LOT. I must say, that even as a being who wears the wrong body, Nyx moves very well. She’s already suggesting new, interesting ways to flow into my attacks using some mild acrobatics that I’d thought were a little much until she showed me just how hard an axe kick coming at your face is to block when you use a front flip to get your height. Shit was crazy and I bruised the bones in my right arm while blocking that damn kick. I should have ducked to buy myself some time so I could evade, but Fight or Flight kicked in and I didn’t want to get hit in the fucking face.

Celestia tried to wrangle me into having a title shortly after Nyx moved into the villa, and Twilight, despite my warning, agreed to be named a Baroness on Equestrian soil. It was only after the ceremony that Celestia announced that I would receive an honorary title in the form of ‘Esquire’. I thought that it was stupid, but Twilight thought that ‘Maximus Esquire’ sounded hot. I liked the way she was thinking around that point in time, though I probably should’ve stuck to my guns on that one. Oh well.

Oh yeah, so the Flim Flam Brothers came into town, but I scared them off accidentally by being a prick. I didn’t even recognize the sneaky fucks until halfway through our little conversation. In my defense, I only threatened them a little bit on pain of maiming and mutilation, but the got the idea pretty easily enough, so it’s not like I actually had to show my stuff. I was a little disappointed that the only challenge I had at that point in time was Nyx, and she wasn’t really a match for me if I decided to get serious. It would take some time for her to get on my level, but I also knew that she was training her own style from our conversations. It was in the way she walked, the movements she made when we were going through forms in my styles. I knew that she was coming up with something all her own, but she wasn’t quite ready to show me up until yesterday. Or earlier today. Shit, it coulda been a few days and I wouldn’t know, but I doubt that the guards on rotation stay longer than eight hours. Eh, who really cares?

Anyway, that’s pretty much all the interesting stuff that happened in the last couple of months, to be honest. Life’s been really quiet for the most part, but it’s not a bad thing in the slightest. I don’t know if we were just experiencing the calm before the storm, but I know that my wife and I enjoyed our honeymoon while it lasted. Sadly, as with all good things, it came to an end with the intervention of trouble, though the trouble we received was YEARS early. I do mean that, if the timeline on Equus and Equis are similar, then there’s no fucking way Tirek should showed up and robbed Celestia and Luna of their powers.

The night of the attack was a calm one in Ponyville, especially out in the middle of nowhere like Twilight and I were. We slept on until the morning with Mr. Foxy on the foot of our bed as we usually did, and when morning came, we did our routines as per usual. It was shaping up to be another decent day since Twilight and I had agreed to go see Rarity’s acapella group perform later in the afternoon. We joked around all morning and spent a lot of our free time fucking off before heading into town, but when we got into Ponyville, everything was shut the fuck down. There wasn’t a single shop or store open, so Twilight and I immediately went to QT’s house because you ALWAYS go to a Twilight when shit’s going down. They tend to be the first ones with a plan, and following that plan gives me time to come up with a back-up plan because Twilight’s quick fixes usually don’t work

QT let us in quickly and started talking from the get go. “The rest of the girls are already here, but I’m glad beyond what you could believe that you two showed up!”

“QT, what’s the situation?” I asked quickly.

“We don’t really know quite yet, but there’s been a demon sighted in Canterlot and apparently he’s already made it to Canterlot Castle. There are messengers running back and forth, but since the train is down, we’re having a hard time getting news. Rainbow’s trying to gather what she can so she come back and let ponies know when it’s safe to come out, but everypony’s scared!” QT lead the way into her living room.

There were hugs to be passed around, but I cut to the chase. “I’ll head to Canterlot and see what I can do about all of this, but I need all of you safe. Remember, I’m trained for confrontations like these, and I’m a lot more dangerous than you girls. Don’t rush in to save the day because that’s my job, alright?”

Twilight gave me a hug. “Be safe, Amour. Don’t get hurt.”

I hugged her back. “I will, Cherry. I’ll be back safe and sound.”

I got hit for including that. Fuck off, buggy little bitch.

Apparently insults are okay as long as I’m not reminiscing. Oh fucking well. So I left Twilight with QT and the girls to go to Canterlot, teleporting there myself because it was just easier that way. When I got to the Throne Room, it was empty, so I opened my ears and cast my senses around me so I could see if I could pick up on anything. Nothing struck me right off the bat, so I tried heading to the Dining Hall only to find that I was having no success. I was already getting tired of being wrong, so I headed outside of the Castle to continue my search, which turned out to be a good choice. As I headed out to the Training Grounds, I could hear the sounds of battle, though they were a little odd since I’ve rarely heard Celestia or Luna grunt unless they’re getting some dick or getting spanked. One more so than the other, but still.

I teleported to Celestia’s side and brought out Ol’ Harmless just in the nick of time to partially parry an axe swing from fucking Tirek himself. I didn’t doubt that he knew of two-legged demons or something of the sort, so I wasn’t quite eager to tango with him, so I used the moment he gave me from being surprised by my presence to slide into his guard and cut the inside of his right elbow, severing some pretty vital tendons. Thankfully for Tirek, Ol’ Harmless lets you heal completely from any cut it makes, but shit still hurts and it can still be debilitating. Unluckily for me, Tirek still had a left hand, and he used said hand to fling me into the air like a fucking ragdoll. I flew for a good few seconds before hitting the ground, which rather hurt to be quite honest with you. Not just on a physical level, but the emotional one too. I mean, how do you reply to being tossed like a sack of lightweight potatoes?

Hurts your pride, mate.

I got up, a little achy and a little more pissed off, so I decided to pull an old play out of my book from my hunting days with Noir. I teleported myself behind Tirek as he continued dominating the Celestial Sisters and lined up my shot with my psychic tentacle. I took my time because I wanted to nail the shot, and once Tirek stood still for a second too long, his arse was already mine. He froze in place and received two bucks for his worries, making him go back further on the tentacle. His horns started lighting up with a fiery orange Magic and I knew that I done fucked up real bad. I did me a good one right there. I knew that I could only penetrate him for so long before he exploded in rage, so I made another foolish decision.

I cut his tail off.

Then I stabbed him in the balls.

Tirek’s howl was ear-ringing to say the least, and dodging the hooves coming for my face was not easy, but it did get me underneath him for as long as I needed. I used Ol’ Harmless to cut his legs out from under him before rolling out of the way, the four and a half meter tall fucking giant crashing to the ground with a wave of dust. I couldn’t heard a damn thing since there was blood in my ears, probably absorbing all of the noise. Damn blood, getting all greedy with the air wave vibrations and shit. Anyway, Tirek was down, but I wasn’t done. I made sure to make his left arm temporarily useless and prepared to send him to the moon when I felt the ground vibrate.

I yelled for Celestia and Luna to get back as a black fucking crystal erupted from the ground, encasing Tirek and protecting him from me sending the fucker to the Moon like I wanted to since Celestia and Luna were too weak to send him to Tartarus. The crystal sank back into the ground as another one rose up from behind us, and from its confines came a swaggering four-legged Sombra, who seemed to be aching for a beat down to beat all downward beatings. Even the upward ones: like I give two fucks. Anyway, so Sombra, for some odd fucking reason, is right in front of us and I can’t help but wonder why Equis is such a Goddamn shitshow out of nowhere! I mean seriously! Two and a half months of sweet, sweet honeymoon, and now two of the biggest badasses I’ve ever had the pleasure of killing rise up from fucking nowhere and come for Equestria’s arse in a glarse?

Something wasn’t smelling right, and it wasn’t the horse pussy.

Before I could just up and end him, some shadowy Alicorn rose up from his… Shadow… Fuck, that was redundant. Fuck it. So shadow guy came up from the darkness and Sombra spared him a glance. “Such a sight, isn’t it, Stygian? The heroines of Equestria, beaten and battered by little old Tirek.”

“Got further than you ever did, Dragon-shaped dickhead.” I scoffed.

Sombra glared at me. “Some filthy mortal assumes to speak in the presence of the immortal?”

I raised a brow. “Guess again, fuckboy. I’m an Alicorn.”

He snarled and Stygian placed a hoof on his shoulder. “I will take him. You finish what you started with the Royal sisters.”

“Feh. This uppity fool thinks he will be victorious. Prove him wrong, Stygian.” Sombra sneered as he started toward Celestia.

I threw a bolt of lightning at him for his bullshit and it hit since lightning is, you know, fast. It got Sombra pretty good, but I knew he wouldn’t be out of the fight just from that, so I kept him on my mind while I turned to go after his significantly less cheeky friend. He’d disappeared from my sight, so I took it upon myself to send a spinning kick behind me. Much to my surprise, he was close enough for me to make contact with my calf, but that didn’t stop me from bailing on that bullshit anyway. I backed off to lose some ground, but the shadows stuck to my feet as I moved ,and since we were in broad daylight I was a little fucked if his power worked based on shadows and little else.

With little other choice, I started swinging at Stygian with my psychic tentacle, trying to somehow break the control he was gaining over my feet. It got harder and harder to move, and I quickly realized that my main advantage in a fight was being cannibalized, so I cut the bullshit, stowed my sword, and sent a left-handed punch through space to get Stygian’s focus off of me. Much to my pleasure, I made decent contact with his jaw when I got him, so that was nice. With my legs temporarily freed, I reached through the dimensions and pulled myself to Celestia’s side, which turned out to be a bad idea since she teleported out of the way of a massive crystal that hit me head on. It split my brow pretty well and rocked me for a couple moments, but I had the presence of mind to pull myself into Betwixt to recollect my thought before heading back into the fray.

I was still bleeding from my eye when I decked the back of Sombra’s head, though I wasn’t trying to hit him hard enough to kill him. I just wanted the guy out cold so we could send him to Tartarus or something, but that Stygian fucker… I could tell he was too dangerous to let live. Or at least that’s how I felt about him. It didn’t matter much in the moment because I was dead set on making sure Stygian wouldn’t be using that umbrakinesis, ultra-edgy bullshit anymore. I teleported to his side and placed my left hand on his back before letting loose multiple lightning bolts into his spine. He seized as the shadows began to fade, leaving behind some unassuming looking crispy guy. I mean, like, that fucker was deep fried. I felt a little bad about leaving him like that, but I shrugged it off and went to go find Luna since I hadn’t seen her since the second round started.

I found her next to an exhausted Celestia, who’d most likely used the last of her strength to avoid being hit by Sombra’s shitty little crystal. “So, my main mares. Did I save your arses, or what?”

“Thank you, Maximus.” Celestia said. “You’ve done Equestria a few great services today.”

“All in the day’s work, Celly. You ever need anything, have a note on standby. I’ll be by-”

And that was when I got bucked in the back of the head, most likely by Stygian, who is still alive. I learned that a few hours ago, actually, but I’ll get to that here in a second. It’s meal time, and although I’m being treated well, I’m still a ‘prisoner’. Basically, I was chained up and I’m stuck in a room, but I can leave any time I want. I’ve proven that twice over, but I can’t do that quite yet. They had Tirek drain me of my Unicorn Magic, so I can’t circumvent the bullshit trap they have on Celestia and Luna. Apparently if I use my True Theft to save one of them, it’ll kill the other, and I have a funny feeling that saving both of them simultaneously without playing along ends with both of them dead. I don’t know what the goal of getting me here is quite yet, but like I said: mealtime. I’ll ruminate a little more in a bit.

So to accurately describe what I know, I’ll start from the beginning. I woke up in a cell, my head aching fiercely as I wondered why the fuck Ponies were so intent on stomping the back of my head. It was just an errant thought at that point in time, but I was groggily waking up, getting a feel for the chains binding my hands. When I actually found the strength to open my eyes, I saw that Celestia and Luna were looking at me in the dim light, both staring at me intently as I lie on the floor.

“Morning.” I grumbled.

“Oh thank the Heavens you’re okay, Max!” Celestia cried. “Hurry, Max! You’ve got to get out of here! It’s not us they want, it’s you!”

“Oi. Volume.” I groaned, picking myself up.

“Max!” Celestia urged. “Just go! You can still teleport, can’t you?”

“Yeah,” I used my left hand to break the shackles on my right hand. “I can leave now, sure, but you two are still going to be here, so-”

“No!” The sisters cried in unison.

“You’ll get us killed!” Luna said quickly. “There is an enchantment, Dark Magicks that would rot our very bones if only one of us is removed from the room at a time. The ‘second-in-command’ as she calls herself was very particular about explaining that to us.”

“So she knows the limitations of my powers?” I asked, breaking the chains on my legs.

They looked at each other. “We sincerely hope not.” Celestia whispered.

“Let’s hope then, yeah? Did the Second tell you two anything else?” I asked hopefully.

“She said that you were drained of your Unicorn Magic, so you shouldn’t expect to be able to use it.” Celestia sighed.

I tried anyway to no avail. Even a simple levitation spell was beyond me. “Well shit. It’s always bad to lose a weapon, but I’ve still got more in my arsenal. After all, it’s not like A GUARD IS GOING TO COME ALONG TO ANSWER QUESTIONS.” I tried, willing Equis to throw me a bone like Equus would have.

Celestia looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “Max, are you okay?”

I held up a finger and waited a few seconds before responding. “Yeah, just doing some wishful thinking. I guess I’m going to go check on a thing, so I’ll be right back, okay?”

They looked at me as I tried to pull myself to Twilight’s side, but when I tried, my fingers would glide through the dimensions.They would come out the other side, or at least, when it did, I felt something akin to a wall nearby. Still, I tried to get to my wife, but from the cell, I couldn’t go to her. I tried getting out of the cell and back to QT’s house, but when I let myself in, the place was a mess and looked like it had been fucking ransacked. The panic switch was flipped and I needed to pick myself up before I left my mind behind in worry over my wife. I grabbed my pendant and willed the Pathfinding enchantment to work its Magic, but the telltale glow of Twilight’s path was lost to me. I returned to the cell that Celestia and Luna were in to find that nothing was happening, though I was flipping my shit. Celestia tried to calm me down as I did my best to pace a hole into the floor, but it just wasn’t working, and when someone came into the cell, I was on them in moments.

“Where is she!?” I roared into the poor guards face.

The Gryphon shoved me, but I raised him off the ground and threw him into a wall before I was tackled by three more people. I was working on fighting them off when a voice said, “That will be enough. Please allow Mr. Maximus to continue his little tantrum if he so chooses, but do not indulge him.” A calm, clipped voice said.

The people on me got off quickly enough, and though I was a little scratched up, I wasn’t exactly worse for wear, all things considered. “Where.” I asked. “Where is she.”

I took a moment to actually look at the guy I was talking to. The chic white suit and red carnation cut a sharp contrast to his midnight black fur, though what made him special were the goat-shape of his pupils. They weren’t literally shaped like goats, but they were the same weird shape as a goat’s. Still, the platinum blonde mane on his head, stylishly coiffed into a pompadour told me that he was probably going to be a real pain in the arse to deal with, even if he was telling people to stop attacking me.

“That, Mr. Maximus, is a secret that you will not find out by killing me or any of my men, so I suggest you play nice.” The bastard said before inspecting his hoof. He tsked and scraped a bit of dirt off. “Now, we are here to escort you to your new chambers. I don’t see why we’re treating you better than we’re treating the royalty, but then again, I’m not one of the bosses and I have no grudge against them.”

“Who’s running the op if you’re not top dog?” I asked gruffly.

He raised a brow at me. “Why, someone who would very much like to meet you when the time is right. The very same person who managed to wrangle up the worst of the worst from Equestria’s long history.” The Black Nazi (New nickname. I’m digging it.) laughed at that little tidbit. “Ah, well. I suppose you’d like to get out of this…” He looked around and made a face. “Place, we’ll call it.”

“I don’t go unless they go.” I answered.

Black Nazi smiled at me. “Why, Mr. Maximus, it almost sounds like you’re giving me an ultimatum. Please tell me that you’re giving me an ultimatum.”

“You treat them well, I cooperate. They don’t deserve this shit.” I spat.

“That sounds an awful lot like an ultimatum. Are you sure you want to go up against me?” He reached into his mane and handed a button off to one of his Gryphon lackeys. “Because I’ll happily give you enough rope to hang yourself, Mr. Maximus, and I’ll enjoy watching you hang.”

I glared at him before looking back to Celestia and Luna. “Stay alive.”

Luna nodded. “With any luck, we’ll see you soon.”

Celestia took a deep breath. “Be safe, Max. Do what you need to.”

“How touching. Are you done? Actually, not my problem. Out the door, Mr. Maximus. Oh, and don’t resist, okay?” Black Nazi huffed.

“Fuck off.” I grunted before a bag was placed ever so lovingly over my head.

More shackles were placed on my wrists, and thus we began a pretty long walk that smelled a lot like earth and moisture. I tried to remember every twist and turn, but I was pretty lost by the time we got to the drop point. The bag was dragged off of my head and I had to squint my eyes to adjust to the significantly brighter lights in the smallish room I was presented with. Unlike the rough stone floors that we’d been walking on since we got out of the dungeons, the floor in the room was made of brick and mortar. There were also some personal effects, such as a desk, a bed, a bookshelf full of books, and a chair with a noose hanging over it. I don’t know why that last thing was there, but Black Nazi had it cut down before he told me to get comfortable. I went over and stole the chair from the desk, spinning it around so I could sit while facing him.

“Alright Mr. Maximus.” Black Nazi smiled. “Why do you think you’re here?”

“Because someone has a serious crush on me and doesn’t know how to express it properly?” I deadpanned.

“Close, in a sense. Try again.”

“Somebody heard that I give the best dick in town and wanted a piece for themselves.” I said drily.

“Ah, now you’re leaning toward wasting my time. I will HAPPILY make Celestia and Luna suffer for your nonsense you know.”

“GG autist. I can kill you before you blink.”

“And that would get your wife killed, so you think real hard about that one.” He gave me a wicked smile.

I felt my eye twitch. “Oh, I’ve got your face memorized. You better hope I don’t come out of whatever this is alive.”

He chuckled. “I suppose you think that you have a hope against facing four of Equestria’s greatest enemies and a being more powerful than all of them put together?”

“I’ve survived worse odds.” I smirked. “Unless you’ve got a god, which I highly doubt, then you’re just poking the sleeping Dragon, and now you’ve stolen his Princess on top of that. Boy, mate; you’ve fucked up. You’ve fucked up beyond all recognition.”

He rolled his eyes. “Bluster from a dead man is still bluster.”

“Hard truths were always the worst ones to hear.”

Black Nazi gave me a look. “I’m not here to listen to your silly little threats all day.”

“Then why are you here, dirtbag? What brings this little nag to market?” I leaned forward in my seat.

His lip curled he drew breath to lay into me, but he calmed his composure quickly enough. “You… You, buddy, are a piece of work. You really know how to get under a stallions fur, don’t you?”

“Flicking flies out of the air while they’re still buzzing is fun. I wouldn’t expect you to know since you don’t have the ability to flick, but I’m sure you’re still upset over being called a fly.”

Black Nazi glared at me. “I can buck you up to Tartarus and back and you can’t lay a finger on me, Maximus. You remember that.”

“Really now? Are you a nag, or are you a stallion, Miss Filly? If you think you can take me, then come on.” I grinned.

He ground his teeth. “Do you have any other questions?”

“Nah. Scram, bitch.”

He tossed his mane and started walking toward the door. “Oh, and Maximus?” I raised a brow. “I’ll be sure to tell Celestia and Luna that the next two hours are compliments of that tongue of yours.”

I gave him a bored look and teleported from that room to the cell. Celestia and Luna had a lot of questions for me, but I just stood and stared at the door until I heard the frantic unlocking that was telltale of someone scrambling to get in. The poor Gryphon that unlocked the door was ripped out of the way by the Black Nazi, and he stood and glared at me for a good six minutes while I just glared right back.

“I leave, then what was this operation for? You piss me off, and I start taking ALL of you out until I get to your boss. Fuck with me. I dare you.” I growled.

Black Nazi heaved and puffed before saying, “Dammit! Fine! Celestia and Luna remain untouched, but you return to your room and stay there!”

I walked over to him and leaned down. “I’ll be back every hour on the hour to check up on them. You hurt them, I rip your legs off at the wobbly joints.”

He glared at me for a little while longer, but I wasn’t backing down anytime soon. He eventually turned away and I was the first one out of the cell, heading back to the room that had been given to me. I sat around and tried to calm down, but I was still freaking out about the whole Twilight thing. I could sense her fear through our connection, but she wasn’t in pain. It bothered me to no end that I couldn’t reach her, but it was enough that I knew she was alright for the time being. I didn’t like the situation at all, and I didn’t like having a choice in how things went down. Hours passed and I kept up my checks on the Celestial Sisters until I was sure that they were in the clear, and then they became bi-hourly.

I made sure that they were getting fed by sharing the food I was brought with them, and when their food came, I encouraged them to eat since they needed the calories more than I did to keep their energy up. I wasn’t fond of the situation and I’m still not fond of it, but that’s beside the point. Things needed to be weighted in my favour, and as I plotted for my revenge, I had another visitor, this one in the shape of an unassuming beige Earth Pony.

“Hello, Maximus.” She said, her voice as bland as her color scheme.

“Wotcher. Are you the one in charge?” I asked, getting down to brass tacks.

“I am the Second. I am here to answer your questions.”

“... Any idle threats?” I asked.

“My savior does not believe in threats. None of your friends or your wife will be harmed as long as you play along.” She answered as if she was reciting rehearsed lines.

“That’s nice. So as long as I don’t go and start laying waste to this place, everything’s kosher?”

“I don’t know what that word means, but I assume that it means good, so yes.”

“It does mean good. So who’s the guy in charge? Why does he want me?”

“His reasons will be known to you shortly enough,” She droned, “though inquiring about them will not get you anywhere. My savior has not even told me why he wants you, so I highly doubt that anypony else would know.”

“Great, caught by someone powerful enough to wrangle Sombra and Tirek and I don’t know why they want me. It’s not sex, is it?”

She raised a brow at me. “It could be. No one knows.”

“Alright, that’s not good. So what’s the next move? What am I doing here?”

“You are to stay here until my savior requests an audience with you.”

“How long have I been here?”

“I am not allowed to give you that information.”

“How long have Celestia and Luna been here?” I tried.

“Multiple days. They will be looked after, as my savior has requested. The League wants them dead by and large, but they all fear him.” She said drolly.

I grimaced. “So the black Pony with the blonde hair was full of shit.”

“Completely and utterly. Nasty Night is a coward above all else, and will happily use any leverage he can gain to his advantage. I keep him on a tight leash.”

“So he’s one of yours specifically?”

“Yes, I recruited him myself. He was facing a lifetime in Tartarus or a life as a mercenary with me in Gryphonia. He chose the smart option and got to continue doing what he loves.” She rolled her eyes.

“I’m guessing that’s torturing people.” I said, my tone matching hers.

“Got it in one. Woo hoo.”

“How fucked up are you in the head to employ a psychopath like that?” I asked incredulously.

She raised her brow at me again. “Sometimes I need answers and his methods are easier than finding a Unicorn powerful enough to delve into someone’s mind. It’s a mean to an end, though I don’t expect you to understand.”

I gave her a look. “I was an Operative. I understand better than you might think.”

“Ah, so the layers go deeper. Tell me, Maximus Esquire. How many operations have you performed for Equestria?”

“This one? Zero. I’ve been honeymooning with my wife.” I shrugged.

“... IF you’ve never been on a mission, then you’re just an Operative in Training.”

“Uh, no. I’ve never worked an op on THIS planet. I’ve spent a couple years on another version of this planet, and when I get back to it, I’m going to be sure and get in touch with that planet’s version of you.”

“And why would that be?” The Second asked.

“So I can make you work for me. I’m assuming your little outfit is effective, and there are occasions when I need something done outside of the law that I don’t want in my books. A little death squad could be nice.”

She nodded. “People like mine are often valued, but we are not disposable.”

“No such thing as a disposable life.” I scoffed. “Every life’s got a little something to it, even in the most evil of bastards.”

“So you are planning to kill my savior?”

I shrugged again. “Depends on if he hurts my wife or my friends. I might just smack him around or I might send him into the Sun. It wall depends on him.”

“I suggest you put any plans you may have to rest. My savior has an invincible shield that Magic will not work against. Hooves don’t work, projectiles don’t work, explosives don’t work… He’s powerful.”

I rested my arms on the back of the chair and looked at the Second. “Do you have a name?”

“I have a codename that I would be willing to give you.”

“And that is?”

“Beige.” She answered dully.

“Creative.” I snarked.

“I didn’t choose it. I would have preferred Thunder-Cat.”

“Beige is better.”

“A difference of opinions.” She droned. “In any case, Tirek wants to see you.”

“I’ll kill him this time if I have to.” I warned.

“He’s not angry, otherwise my savior would not allow him within a hundred feet of your presence.” Beige assured me.

I looked at her. “Did you hear what I did to that guy?”

“Yes. You violated his rectum and stabbed him in the testicles before leaving him on the ground, helpless.”

“Yeah. That. Dude’s gonna hold a grudge.”

“Would you like for me to be present during the consultation?”

“You don’t really strike me as the evil type, but you’re kinda doing some evil shit. Giving me a real moral dilemma here.”

She rolled her eyes. “Tirek could not kill me if he wanted to, Maximus. If I were to die, it would be by your hoof.”

“And that’s a part of the piece I’m slipping on right now. If I tell you that I want Tirek alone, I have no insurance. If I bring you in to help me deal with him, then I have an opportunity to kill you with Tirek’s axe, make it look like an accident, and kill him myself. However, I still don’t know if killing you gets my wife hurt, so I’d almost rather go without insurance to keep you out of harm’s way.”

“Allow me to solve your dilemma by staying. Tirek will be here soon enough anyway.”

“Lovely. So what do you do for fun?” I sighed.

“I like to knit. I could make you a pretty decent hat.”

“Do that for me, will you? If Tirek comes to take my head off, at least put a hat on it to keep me warm.” I chuckled mirthlessly.

“Your joke is funny to me, but I tend not to laugh. I just thought I should let you know.”

“Thanks, I guess. So what’s your deal?”

“As far as?”

“Why are you a merc? How did your savior save you?”

“Ah. I am a mercenary because my parents were both mercenaries. I grew up in a constantly shifting state as we moved from country to country for their jobs, and eventually I got old enough to join the ranks for myself. Come to think of it, I call my parents mercenaries, but they were really more of a militia for hire.”

“Right. So you took over the militia your parents left behind?” I asked.

“Oh no, they’re still alive and fighting, wherever they are. No, I took my time learning how to manage a team of violent individuals and struck out on my own, finding various individuals with special talents to fill my ranks. A few of my people are ex-guards from Equestria or Gryphonia, a few are ex-Black Ops. My people are the weirdest of the weird, but they’re the cream of the crop.”

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “How long ago did you form this team?”

“It’s been years. I couldn’t give you an exact number.”

“Whatever. I still made my squad of wacky Spec Ops first.” I grumbled.

“How petty. I didn’t take you for the type.”

I raised a brow at her. “You think I’m being serious?”

“Your facial expressions come across as genuine.” Beige replied flatly.

“Psyche, you got the wrong shit. I’m just good at acting.”

“A useful skill to be sure. Would you like for me to answer your second question?”

“Depends on what it was.”

“It was regarding my savior.”

“Ah, yeah, please answer that.”

She nodded. “I was entrenched in a conflict in the Northern regions of Gryphonia. My people were scything through a pumped up dukes security, but he had more manpower than my outfit at the time. They were starting to overwhelm us when my savior came out of nowhere, hidden by the snow. He laid waste to the entire estate without casting a single spell. I later learned that he was there for the same reason I was, but he’d been sent by a piece of the Gryphonian Rebellion instead of a well meaning aristocrat. From then on, he and I worked together until he took a dark path.” She sighed hard. “Oh well. In his steps, I shall follow.”

“You don’t like this line of work much, do you?” I asked, knowing the answer.

“I don’t mind it as much as you might think. Some days I wish I had a husband and a foal of my own to look after, but I know that I’m a combat mare at heart. Nothing will take that out of me.” Beige nodded once as if to confirm her own words.

“And when you’re too old to fight anymore?”

“Then I’ll kill myself. There’s no point in living life frail and weak.” She said with absolute certainty.

“Don’t cut yourself on that edge, love. You might get infected with whatever it is Nasty Night’s got.”

“Again, I find that humorous.” There was a knock on the door. “And it would seem that our guest is here.” She pulled a bag out of her mane. “If you would kindly put this over your head, I will lead you to Tirek’s chambers.”

I took the bag from her. “Thought he was coming here. I was looking forward to seeing if he’d even fit.”

“He would not, but I too find the idea amusing. The bag?”

I rolled my eyes and put the bag over my head, allowing myself to be lead out of the room by the chain still attached to my wrist. I wasn’t looking forward to the moment where I saw Tirek, but I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty. Ol’ Harmless is still a bitch, and I wasn’t terribly fond of the idea of having to solo Tirek, despite Beige’s assurances. However, the walk gave me plenty of time to think about the game plan, which was to cut and run the moment the demon bastard made a move for me.

We arrived at Tireks chambers and I head what must have been two massive doors open for us. When I was lead forward, I heard Tirek say, “If it isn’t the dirty bastard. Here to stab me in the stones again, perhaps? Or maybe he’s here to violate me once more?”

He sounded pretty pissy, in all honesty.

“Hello, Tirek.” Beige said neutrally. Everything she says is neutral, so I don’t really need to add that, but I like attaching adverbs to dialogue. Makes me feel less repetitive.

“Beige. I see you’re taking your custodian’s place.”

“He was unfit for the task, and Romulus prefers that our guest is treated well. Nasty Night is receiving his punishment for mucking up his duty.”

“Great. You’re here to babysit me while I talk to the cheat, aren’t you?” Tirek snarled.

“I am. He was wary of coming to you after what he’s done.”

“As he should be.” He growled.

I took the bag off of my head. “If it makes you feel any better, I could’ve left you a eunuch.”

“And I could have left you as a stain in the dirt.”

I smiled. “And yet you didn’t! Who says all evil bastards are bad, yeah?”

“I WILL get my piece of you. Once Romulus has finished with his business, it will be our time to battle.”

“And I’ll get the best of you for a fourth time. Try me, half-breed.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “I will have fun defiling your corpse.”

“Mate, I beat you and I wasn’t even at max power. Sure, when it comes to toe-to-toe fighting, you’ll win hands down, but as long as Magic is involved, I’ve got you right where I want you. Every moment of every day. I could have you right now if I wanted, but a scrap right now puts us both in a bad spot, so let’s bite back the salty words and focus on the time where we finally can settle this.” I gave him my most infuriating smirk.

“I will break you, mortal.” He threatened.

“I’ll shove something else up your arse.”

“This pissing contest is impressive. Both of you have managed to splatter your own excretions all over yourselves.” Beige said blandly.

I pinched her ear because she was close and had to jump to avoid the hoof she sent at my shin. I let go before I could get hit and Tirek shouted, “If I am not to strike him, then neither are you!”

“I am allowed certain privileges.” Beige answered.

Tirek seethed while Beige looked at me. “Put the bag back on. We’re leaving.”

I replaced the bag. “Wherever you say, love.”

In the end, wherever was actually the same damn room I’d been in for the past whoever knows how long and I was allowed to write in my journal. I say allowed, I mean that one of Chrysalis’ little dickfucks stands around and hits me if I start getting too happy. Beige told me that I wasn’t allowed to hit him back and that he would only do his job when necessary, but pretending like it’s the old days with Twilight and first being together only gets me so far with tolerating that shit. I’ll do some meditation and try to stay neutral or something until I can meet this Romulus guy. The faster I deck him for being a prick, the faster I get back to Twilight and hopefully our friends without any extra footwork. I get tired of walking everywhere. I miss buses and bikes.

Anyway, I’m going to call it here and try to get some sleep or something. Nothing good is coming out of being awake for the entire duration of my visit to castle wherever the fuck. Shit, we could be underground for all I know. There aren’t any windows and I’ve yet to see any hint of what panes me so anywhere. Damn, that one was good, I’ll have to remember it for parties.

Fuck that was stupid. It’s time for a nap.

I awoke to the sound of Beige’s heartbeat entering the room, the deathly silence having made my hearing that much more sensitive. She waited until I was sitting up in the decently sized bed to ask, “And how is your day going, Maximus Esquire?”

“You know addressing me with any kind of title is really annoying, right? And you can totally just say Max. Even if I’m here to die or some shit, stop calling me by my full name. It’s weird.”

She raised a brow at me. “I find that more amusing than you will ever know, Max. However, I am slightly annoyed with why I’ve had to come.”

I frowned. “What’s the problem?”

“Your meal tray was left in the spot it was dropped off in. We will not enter this room barring there being a sign of you having left. If I had not offered to check, Nasty Night may have been given time to one of your loved ones.”

“So move the meal tray before I go to sleep?” I asked.

“It would seem that you have ‘slept’ for nearly eighteen hours.” She commented.

“Well fuck. Is everyone okay? Do they know, or are they being kept unaware of what’s going on?”

“I’d like to believe that the young women we have, your friends, know more than we do at this point. Romulus always was a sucker for a cute mare. He’s not romantically interested in us,” She explained. “He just finds us adorable. It’s strange.”

“So your boss is not a Pony.” I stated.

“He is not.”

“What is he?”

“I am not allowed to give you this information.”

“Would some gentle cajoling and conniving do the trick?”

“I am famous for being stubborn.”

“Great. So where did he get his name from? Romulus, that is.” I asked, hoping for a bite.

“He said you would be good at picking for information. How he knew, I do not know.”

I sighed. “No closer to knowing a damned thing about him. This is going to be a rough one.”

“You are prepared for a fight that may never come. If my savior wanted a battle with you, he would just pursue you by yourself. There is a reason he came to Equestria for you, specifically in this manner. Perhaps he wanted to make sure you were fighting as hard as you can, or maybe he was desperate for your attention and needed to be sure he would be heard. Neither of us know what goes on in his head.”

“I’d rather be prepared for a brawl than to get caught with my pants down. There’s also the possibility of your boss intending on killing every one of my loved ones just to send a message.” I sighed. “Beige, I’m a soldier. Life has had its battles, and war had more, and I would LOVE to talk this out, to do Romulus some kind of favour and to just be left alone, but there’s always going to be that soldier in me that wants him to make some kind of move so I can take down every one of Equestria’s biggest threats in one fell swoop. If it means saving Twilight, then I’m willing to let this go, but I don’t want to be blindsided. I can’t stand a sucker punch.” Though I throw them on occasion. I blame Magic.

“Believe me, I understand the struggle of separating the warrior from the citizen. I lost the struggle to be honest with you, but I still experienced it. The point is that the warrior in me just can’t make sense of letting you live for nearly a week before doing anything. Everyone is being treated well, though Rainbow Dash has had a few minor incidents. We assigned Unicorn guards to her and she quickly learned that they are faster with immobilization spells than she is on take-off, but that’s beside the point. Why keep you alive this long if he’s not intending on talking to you at some point? To my knowledge, he’s never been here to see your face, so I assume that at some point, he’s going to want to meet you. I’m sure of it, actually.” Beige monologued.

“So why do you want me to believe you?” I asked skeptically.

“My assignment was to make sure that you are comfortable. You are not comfortable.”

“I’m as comfy as I’m going to get while waiting on a mysterious powerhouse to visit.” I replied drily.

“So be it. I’ll put in a request for you to meet Romulus. I suggest you don’t try anything if you do get to meet him.” She warned drearily.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, your Mom’s still fat.” I muttered.

“My mother is a soldier. She cannot afford to be fat.”

“What, never seen a tubby guy toting a sword?” I scoffed.

“Most races do not bother with such weapons. Some Gryphons may use them, but largely I’ve only ever seen one person wield a sword.”

“Huh. That’s pretty shitty for weapons smiths.”

“It just means that there are different enhancements for the races. I assume you did not know that most weapons are tailored to the buyers?”

“I did not.”

“It’s true. Ponies often get cleated shoes to maximize their kicks, some Gryphons get metal claws, and Dogs tend to go for spiked armour like the wrecking balls they are.” Beige informed.

“Ah. Cool.”

“Indeed. I see that you are here. Remember to clear the meal tray, Max.”

“Will do.” I gave her the standard salute.

Beige gave me an odd look before saluting in return. She started walking off and nearly reached the door when she looked back and asked, “Were you really a soldier?”

“Unfortunately, yeah. Served in The War. That’s THE WAR, mind you. It was the biggest one my Equus had ever seen.”

“... Where were you deployed?”

“Shit, where didn’t I go? Camelroon, Germaneigh, P.R Ussia, Zhongguo, couple skirmishes in Neighpon, some covert ops in Iceland. I got a list of the places I’ve been, I just don’t care to remember.” I shook my head.

“So you got out in time.”

“Not quite, love. Not quite.”

I could feel Beige looking back at me, but I didn’t know what her next question was going to be and I was already opening up to the fucking enemy, letting them know my weakness like a fool. I beat myself up inwardly as Beige left the room and started pacing around the room while rolling a coin between my fingers. It kept me busy enough to not worry whether or not I’d said too much, but the thought niggled at me as I tried to eat my cold meals. I still managed to get through and tried to tap into my connection with Twilight, but I could feel similar worry coming from her. It was a serious thorn in my side that I couldn’t be there by her side and it drove me up the fucking walls.

I found myself meditating after trying to wear the floor out and all of the others were already waiting on me. I’m not recording our conversation because it was literally catching them up on the holes in the story they had. They only really needed the beginning and middle bits since they’d been glued to the mega-screen-thing that looms out in the distance when Kaid let everyone know that shit was going down. Everyone tried to give me advice, but the only reasonable advice came from Prince and Roxy who both told me to cool my heels and wait it out. After all, if the fucker wanted us dead, we wouldn’t still be kicking.

I cut that glimmer of hope down, slicing the Achilles tendon first, then going for the hamstrings before stabbing it in the arse with a proper lance.

The visit was over since no one wanted to take over and risk fucking everything up, so I was left holding the bag, muddling through a mess of my own. That was about twenty minutes ago now, though it’s not like I actually know. Unlike with Celestia and Luna, I’m not literally counting the seconds until an hour ticks by. Goddammit doing nothing fucking sucks. I can’t deal with this shit forever, but I can’t risk getting Twilight hurt. I just need to meet this Romulus fuck so we can get the fuck on with our lives already.

Alright boys; from the top.

I woke up to Beige’s heartbeat again awhile later, and as much as I’ve heard it, I can’t say that it strikes me as anything other than odd. It’s like she had a slight arrhythmia or something. I don’t actually know what that is since I can’t fucking remember, but I knew at some point in time, dammit! Fuck, maybe I’m getting old. Anyway, so Beige stood somewhat close to my bed as she waited for me to look like I gave a damn about what she had to say. It was an odd thing since she usually stayed near the middle of the room, but I doubted that she was coming around for nefarious means.

“Alright, how long was I asleep this time?” I asked blearily.

“I don’t know. I do know, however, that you have been granted your request. I am to lead
you to Romulus.”

“That’s pretty great news.” I grumbled.

“You don’t seem happy about it.”

“I don’t like waking up alone. Wanna hop in bed for a couple of minutes?” I asked wryly.

“I see you have more jokes. Amusing. Get properly dressed, we reserved a nice tuxedo for you.”

“That’s not creepy or anything.”

“Oh really?” She asked, something finally creeping into her tone. “I thought you would be thrilled, personally.” Sarcasm. Definitely sarcasm.

“You make jokes?” I asked.
“On occasion. If it makes you feel any better, I hope that you live through this encounter.”

“If I wasn’t sure that you sound like that all the time, I might have assumed that was ingenuine. Thanks, love.” I scratched my head.

“... Are you going to get out of bed?” She asked after a moment.

“Yeah, I just wanted to see how long it would take you to ask. Not long.” I swiveled out of bed and did the usual shit in the restroom, though having to use a wash basin kinda sucks.

In any case, once I was done trying to look half decent, I got dressed in the clothes provided because why the fuck not and I looked alright. I wouldn’t fuck me for wearing that, but then again, I’m not gay for me. Beige didn’t comment on the attire while we were walking, nor did she make me wear the bag this time around. Having visuals now told me that we were in a cave of some kind, or underground ruins. Either one could have been the answer, but as I saw more runes on the walls, glowing with power, I started to feel a little more worried about my meeting before I steeled my nerves and prepared to adapt to the situation as it came.

It was actually a short walk to Romulus’ chambers, which Beige explained as him wanting to keep me close and safe. I thought it was a little weird myself, but if the guy wanted me hale and hearty for whatever the fuck he was about to do, then I guess that’s how I was going to be. As we entered his chambers, I noticed that it was a place built on pure edge. There were glass cases with shuriken and kunai in them on the chiseled walls, and there were so many katanas, like dude. There were full blown O-dachis, Naginatas, a couple Kusari-Gamas, some Wakizashis, and a smattering of other Japanese weapons, all on display.

It didn’t help that everything was in red and black, and I’m pretty sure that the crossed wing insignias I was seeing everywhere were familiar as fuck, and it made me seethe with dark, angsty rage. There were two options here: Either somehow there’s a natural Equestrian Weeaboo, or there’s another person from Earth. At that moment, I figured with my luck, that there was no way in Hell that it would be either of them because it’s never your first thought, right? I mean, why trust your gut when you can trust anecdotal evidence?

I just tried not to gag as Beige lead me through the gross Ota-cave, but everywhere I looked, there was another reminder that I was going to be dealing with the edgiest of edgelords. I wasn’t prepared for the madness that was probably going to ensue, but all too soon Beige stopped me in front of a door and knocked softly, requesting entry. She must have gotten some kind of affirmative, because I didn’t hear the guy say anything, though I could hear his heartbeat. It sounded like it was beating as hard as mine was, so I can’t really say who was more nervous between the two of us.

When I turned the corner and saw his face, it was uncanny. The guy kinda looked like me, but his hair was windswept like he was a Pegasus or something, and his eyes were different colors than mine were. Where my left eye was green and the right one blue, his left eye was a dark maroon and his left eye was brown. I gave him the up-nod and he returned it with a nod toward a chair in front of his desk. I glanced at Beige, but she was staring straight ahead, so I went and had a seat. We studied each other for a few minutes, taking everything in as we looked at the other Human stuck on the other Ponyland.

I looked back at Beige. “Mind if she leaves for this?”

“Beige,” He said softly.

“Yes sir.” She said shortly before exiting.

When she was gone, we went back to looking at each other. I took in the scars on his face and knuckles, tell tale signs of a fighter. His eyes never seemed to waver as they scanned me, and his expression was stony as I reached across the table. “Kaid Gadai.”

He met me halfway. “Jeremy Clarkson.”

“So what inspired you to take a piece of Roman mythology?” I asked conversationally.

“We can cut the shit.” He said bluntly.

“Gladly.” I replied. “Why am I here?”

“Because I really want you to be. You see, Kaid, I can take over Equis. I could do it alone. I want to turn this world into a better place, but Celestia and Luna have been choking the life out of it, making sure Equestria and her territories stay on top while smothering the life out of the surrounding countries. I know you’re real friendly with the Royal Family, but their way isn’t the way, man. It’s time for a policy change, and as the only other Human on the planet, I want you on board.” Jeremy said frankly.

“So you’ve subdued them. Go rule.” I said slowly.

He shook his head. “It’s not that simple. I’ve gotta keep four absolute psychopaths in line until I finish my business, and that’s not exactly hard, but then I have you in the mix. You, Kaid, beat Luna. You beat her without even trying, and you being all buddy-buddy with her means you’re probably loyal to them. Now, someone as powerful as you doesn't just keep their head down when the shit hits the fan. No, you might have been dormant for awhile, but I had my doubts that you would sit at home instead of swooping in to save the day. That’s why I took the option of saying no from you.”

“You know I’ll kill you until you die to death if you hurt her, right?”

“I expect it. Which is why, barring you ignoring orders, you will be spending your off time with your lovely wife. Of course I can’t allow you to just up and run away with her, so she’ll stay in her bubble for the time being.”

I shook my head at him. “You realize an ally you force to be by your side is the first one that’ll stab you in the back, right?”

Jeremy raised a brow at me. “You realize that I can send your friends home right now? They can be home, safe and sound. The only one I want right now is you, and I have PLENTY of shit on you right now, man. I hate to sound like some evil piece of shit, but you’re mine, dude.”

“I just had to get caught by a fucking American.” I groaned.

“USA! USA!” He chanted.

“Gross.”

“Oh shut up, britbong. Don’t be mad that your team lost.”

“The longer you talk, the more I want to deep fry you.”

“Kinky. So you want a drink?”

“Got liquor?” I asked

“Yup. That’s what having a moonshining Grandpappy is good for.”

“Ah, so we’re talking shine. I might actually be able to get a buzz then.”

He chuckled. “What? Traded your English liver for an Irish one?”

“Nah, I’m an Alicorn.” I said flatly.

“Right. And I’m Sombra’s salty ass.” Jeremy scoffed.

“Horn and wings on command, mate, but now I’m just bragging.”

“Prove it. Pics or it didn’t happen.”

I gave him a look. “Sounds like old four-chan bullshit.”

“It probably is, dude. I’ve been here for like, four, five years?” He worked his jaw subtly, as if chewing on the question he was about to ask. “So what year did you leave?”

“Twenty-sixteen. You?”

“Twenty-fourteen. How long have you had your powers?”

I raised a brow. “I’ve had different sets over the course of a few years. My latest set has been around for about four months. What about you?”

“Two years. Learned how to use them from some old crone who told me that I was the ‘Chosen One’ or some shit.”

“I taught myself how to use my shit, though we both know that we’re leaving something out of the equation.”

He leveled a look at me, his eyes smouldering. “How Christian are you?”

“Not very. Yesu was cool, but he was a little lackluster when compared to the stories.”

“So you’ve met Jesus Christ?”

“That’s what I said.”

“That’s not a yes.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, I’ve met Jesus Christ, you tosser.”

“Don’t know what that means, but I’m going to assume that it’s bad. Eh, either way. I’m sure that if you’ve met Jesus, you’ve met the Big Guy.”

“What’s it to you?” I asked.

Jeremy smirked. “I’ve heard from Him too. Didn’t really sit down and talk, but I heard from him. He told me to expect you, but then he named me as his shield. What’s that supposed to mean, Kaid?”

“It means that I’m His sword.”

He leaned back in his seat. “... So we’re supposed to be working together then.”

“So sayeth thee. I’d prefer to be left alone with my wife.”

“That’s just not happening at the moment, bud. Might as well let me grab our drinks and get comfy.” Romulus got up and went to a cabinet located nearby. I watched ambivalently as he poured us a few tall glasses of white lightning.

When we got past the first few sips, I noticed that the shit was brutal, but I’d had stronger shit before. “Your shit is harsh, mate.”

He grimaced after downing about two shots out of his glass. “Fucking know it, man. It’s because Equestrian corn is so packed full of nutrients that it makes the shine that much stronger.”

“Corn is basically just starch, mate.”

“That’s why it’s stronger than fuck.” He said slowly.

I rolled my eyes again. “Whatever. So when do I get to see my wife?”

“Smash that glass and you’ll see her in two minutes.” He jested.

I stared him in the eye and chugged the contents like I was actually trying to get drunk or something. As with many drinking challenges, I had to maintain direct eye contact until the last drop was safely stored in my stomach. “Two minutes starting now.”

“You know you’re about to be too fucked up to even talk to her, right?” He asked skeptically.

“Again,” I pointed to myself, “Alicorn.”

“RIGHT. Alright, I guess I’ll keep my word about letting you see her. Try any bullshit and the Royal Sisters die.”

“Noted. Got a chaser?” I tried to work the taste of straight awfulness out of my mouth.

He pulled a bottle of what appeared to be grape juice from under his desk. “I’m sure I don’t need to tell you to sip and swirl.”

I took the thing from him. “You don’t.”

After I got my swig, I passed it back to him and he took a sip for himself. “So I saw you fry Stygian.”

“Fucker caught me napping.” I frowned.

“He’s just hard to put down for good, man. Don’t take offense to that.”

“I’m not. I’m just saying that I’m going to finish the job and roll his arse.” Those shadow powers looked pretty nifty.

“Stygian has no grudge against you, but Sombra wants a piece of your ‘arse’.” He threw up some air quotes. “I don’t like that arrogant bastard, so I’ve got your first task all sorted out.”

“Kill Sombra?” I asked blandly.

“Pretty much. He’s a powerful ally, but if you can get him, then he wasn’t that valuable.”

“Already talking about him in the past tense? Funny.”

Jeremy shrugged. “It’s whatever. I’m just going to be glad to get that knife in my back waiting to happen out of the way.”

“And you’re replacing that knife with a gun?”

“Someone thinks highly of themselves.” He scoffed.

“Someone knows what the fuck we’re talking about here. My two minutes are up.”

He blinked. “Ah. Okay.” Jeremy made a few weird hand-gestures and some wind started picking up, blowing my hair around, though it didn’t disturb any of the papers on his desk. As Jeremy finished with his shit, we teleported into another room.

The place I found myself in now was mostly white, seemingly cut from marble with paintings placed along the walls. Tall pillars held the ceiling where it was fucking supposed to be, and the cut marble floors were pretty damned spotless. There wasn’t much going on in the room, to be honest, since everything was pretty plain, but when I took a closer look at the pictures, I realized that they shifted slowly, like a GIF that was in slow motion, looping back into themselves and continuing on from there. Jeremy started walking before I could look at all of the paintings, leaving me to follow him, though I went at my own pace because fuck hurrying. I still matched his longer strides since I walk quickly anyway, but that’s not important.

I followed Romulus to a door on the far side of the room, and when he knocked on it in a familiar pattern before opening it, I figured that he’d enchanted the door to do something nasty if the knock wasn’t performed just right. I paid careful attention to just how he opened the door, and when I saw that he tried to mask a half-twist in the opposite direction, I figured that I might’ve spotted myself something nice. Romulus opened the door and we walked through to find Twilight in one bubble while the girls were in another larger one. I sprinted over to my wife and placed my hands on the bubble while she read a book for a little longer before she perked up and her head whipped around to face me.

“Max!” My wife exclaimed, rushing over to me. “Oh my gosh, you’re okay!”

I smiled at her brilliantly. “Of course, Cherry. Nothing keeps me down long, yeah?”

“Exactly!” She beamed. “Oh, I’m just so glad that you’re okay! Romulus said that he wasn’t going to hurt you, but I didn’t know if I could trust his word.”

“The problem is that he said he’d hurt you if I didn’t play along, so we’re stuck right now. I don’t know what kinds of fail-safes he has in place, but I do know that I’ll get us through this. I just need you to stay strong, okay, Cherry?”

Twilight nodded. “I trust you, Amour. I know you’ll get us out of this.”

“I love you, Twilight.”

“I love you, Max. Don't get hurt.”

“Might not be an option, but I’ll try my best.”

Twilight’s eyes flickered to Romulus, who was standing off to my right. “Don’t let him get hurt, Romulus.”

“That all depends on him. If he’s as good as he says he is, then there shouldn’t be a problem.” Jeremy replied.

My ever precious wife glared at him. “I’ll have your berries in a blender if you let him get hurt.”

“I already make baby gravy, no need to make a smoothie out of my nuts.” He chuckled.

“I might not be a violent woman, but I will make you regret messing with us.” Twilight swore.

“I’m sure you will.” He shoved me into the bubble.

I wasted no time in hugging my wife. “Oh dear God, it feels like it’s been months.” I murmured.

“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you in the past week, Max.” She squeezed me tight.

“I have the faintest hint.” I let her go so I could kiss her a few times, never quite getting enough of her to fill the void. I decided not to press my luck, just in case Romulus had something in place that would turn out to be extra malicious or some shit.

After about fifteen minutes of soaking in each other’s warmth, Romulus pulled me out of the bubble and I resisted the temptation to smack him for it. “It’s time to go. I’ll bring you back and you can suck her face off then.”

I had to be dragged out of that room, and every last glimpse of Twilight was something I held near and dear to me. It sucked that I didn't get to talk to any of the girls while I was there, but I figured I could bargain with Romulus and get them free and clear soon enough anyway. Once we were out of the well looked after prisoner’s chamber, Romulus took us back to his office area thing and we had a seat. I felt considerably more relaxed after confirming Twilight’s well-being for myself, and it apparently showed.

“So, Max. Give me a little rundown of your powers.” Jeremy requested.

“I shoot lightning, have one Hell of a left punch, and am more sturdy than your average Human. I’ve got advanced perception, Telekinesis, and a pretty decent healing factor. What about you?”

“I took Magma powers when I got a chance to get them. I’m also sturdier than a Human, can read minds up to a certain distance, and have my own Magic, but we both know that we have trump cards.”

“Like you and your bullshit shields.” I grumbled.

He smirked. “You and your bullshit instant teleportation.”

“It is what it is. When do I get to see my wife again?”

“You’ll see her every other day from now on as long as you march to the beat of my drum.” Jeremy promised.

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“Please do. In the meantime, I suggest you start getting ready for a little scrap with our favourite ancient King.”

“How do you want him deaded? Quick and easy, or slow and painful?”

“It’s up to you, honestly. I don’t give two shits either way.” He shrugged.

“So cruising speed then. Alright.” I sighed. “I really don’t like killing people. You know that, right?”

“What are you? Ex-militia or ex-military”

“Ex-military.” I replied crisply.

“Either way you’re a soldier. You follow orders. Right now your orders are to kill the enemy who wants to strike at Twilight to hurt you. I promised Sombra one favour, and I didn’t make him use it on this battle, Maximus.” He responded.

“I’m just saying that I’m not just going to kill people because you tell me to. You ask me to off an innocent and I’ll laugh in your face.”

“I would fuckin’ expect you to. I’m doing this to HELP the average guy, Kaid. This isn’t some ploy for power, this is me tackling my destiny head on so I can make sure that no one has to worry about someone robbing, raping, or ravaging their lives from the top of the system.”

“A rebel with a cause.” I said drily.

“Exactly. My cause is being implemented in a very direct manner, but it’s not a bad cause. So far, the only casualties have been from direct conflict with the Equestrian Military, but with Canterlot subdued, it’ll crumble. Now we just need to sweep down toward Mexicolt and we can begin the fun part from there.”

“Sounds like a ‘Conquer and Control’ kind of plan. You know that over-expansion is what brought down the Mongol and Roman Empires, right?” I reminded.

He blinked. “You act like this world makes sense, dude. Celestia already technically controls most of it. Well, controlled.”

“Fair enough, but she keeps it in place by being a good ruler and by being immortal. Are you either of those things?”

He blinked again. “I’m not a ruler, I’m a leader.”

“But are you immortal?”

Jeremy scowled. “What? And you are?”

I pursed my lips.

“Prove it.” He demanded.

“I’m not killing myself to prove that shit to you. Are you high?”

“Dude, you can’t just keep making claims without backing any of them up. You’re seriously all talk right now.”

“I talk shit because I’m the shit, mate. I’m probably the first or second most powerful being on the planet, and I fuckin’ know it.” I smirked.

“We’ll see. Dismissed.” He waved me off.

“I’ll piss on your foot, wanker. Don’t fucking talk down to me.”

“Go bye-bye now, turdmuffin.” He scoffed.

“I’ll go bye-bye when I damn well please!” I retorted petulantly.

He raised a brow and I rolled my eyes. “I’ll be in the usual room.”

“Swag.”

“Gross. Just gross.” I shook my head and teleported out of the room, proving that his main office thing wasn’t warded like Twilight was, which told me that he could either only keep up so many shields at once or that he just didn’t think that it was necessary for him to guard himself.

When I got back to my room, I started limbering up and generally just preparing to wreck face when Beige knocked on my door again before letting herself in. She gave me a quick rundown of Sombra’s powers to weight the fight even more heavily in my favor, but I didn’t need to hear shit that I already knew. I told her that I’d fought Sombra three times to date, and that Equus’ version of the guy was a lot more dangerous, but Beige maintained that Sombra could be a deadly foe if he wanted to be. I maintained that I was a strong independent woman who didn’t need a man, but Beige told me to stop being whimsical before I got myself killed, to which I gave her the boop.

Once I’d donned my favourite people-punching gloves, Beige lead me out of my room and down a fucktonne of halls until we popped outside. The sky above told me that it was day time, which made me wonder what time it was exactly, but since I didn’t know the position of the sun, I couldn’t tell. I blamed the mountain that was in the way, and I still do. Anyway, I scanned the area and payed attention to the coliseum, thousands of people already in attendance for the throwing of the down. Beige told me to get to the center of the ring, so I just teleported myself there and waited for a little bit.

I started walking along the walls after a few minutes because I got bored of just standing around. Bloodstains marked the walls, some relatively new, most faded and old beyond belief. The fact that they were still there was a testament to the staining power of blood, which is why I use vinegar when Twilight isn’t around to cast a cleaning spell. That or I reach for some baking soda and see if I can scrub it out, but on whites, it just makes everything so much worse. So, so much worse. Luckily Twilight’s pretty fucking good at ridding clothes of stains from her experimenting, but it never hurts to have a stain stick or something nearby.

What the fuck am I even talking about?

Anyway, so around thirty minutes after my fifteenth lap around the ring, Sombra showed up and started talking some good old fashioned nonsense, going on about how he was going to beat me and how I would become his personal slave or some shit. I wasn’t paying that much attention. “... And you shall rue the day you laid a hoof on Sombra!” He finished grandiloquently.

“Why do you have a Dragon Dick on your head?” I asked.

“... I beg your pardon?” He said.

“Dragon Dick. It’s attached to your forehead.” I tapped mine to emphasize where I meant.

“My horn is no phallus, cretin!”

“Sure looks like an erect Dragon Dick to me. What happened? Did you suck so many of them that one traveled through the roof of your mouth and into your forehead?” I scratched my cheek.

“Your insolence will cost you your rectum!” Sombra shouted.

“Mate, are you gay or something?”

“I have no sexual preference! I simply seek to take what I want.” He gave me a disturbing smile a second before the lightning bolt hit him in the face.

Sombra was stunned, but not dead, which was the intention. I just wanted a little time so I wouldn’t have to rush him, instead taking a walk to go and get my little teaspoon of revenge for the bullshit he’d pulled. I fucking STROLLED up to Sombra and started in on him with a little kick that whistled as it scythed through the air. I didn’t want to show off too much, so as I beat Sombra down like the piece of shit he was, I just tried not to fuck up and hit him with my left hand too hard, and when I was sure that I’d knocked out at least half of his teeth, I stood back and let him do his thing. Sombra looked fucking lost since the past minute and thirty seconds had been a whirlwind of blows and strikes that he couldn’t defend against, and now that I wasn’t attacking him, it was like he’d forgotten what he was supposed to be doing.

I think I knocked him back into sanity.

I walked around Sombra and grabbed the Warbling Blade so I could cut his tail off at the base, but he didn’t even flinch. I shrugged it off and tossed his tail off to the side before I started scalping him, but again he didn’t really move much. I stood back and tossed his mane to the side, watching as Sombra watched me, his eyes devoid of life though he was still moving along. It was then that I was certain that hitting him in the temples with nerve strikes had been a bad idea, but I couldn’t really take it back at the moment… Or could I?

The smile on my face probably could have matched the Devil’s own as I released the pressure building in Sombra’s head, quickly taking his horn into my hand before he could step back or otherwise get away. It took him a few seconds to start screaming, but when he did, it was quite loud and quite annoying, so I cut his horn off without further ado and walked away. It took him a moment to realize what had happened, but when he did, the screaming started all over again, thus incentivizing me to go shut him up for good. I took three quick steps and put my full weight into a brutal uppercut that broke Sombra’s head. I mean, like, his head whipped back so far, the top of his head hit his fucking back and his jaw was a thing of the past. Even if Sombra somehow lived through the last punch, there would be no way for him to escape the brain damage that inevitably would have come along with it.

Sombra was sorted for the time being, but I had one last thing I wanted to do that would prove my power. I started my dance by hopping around Sombra on one foot, dragging the other behind me as I began my circle. The movements of the dance came naturally to me, and the shifts in stance were all wild, though calculated. I knew exactly how to flop around properly, and as I traced my circle twice over, the storm came and the rain began to fall. The rain dance itself is nothing special, but when I stopped my dance and pointed at Sombra, the Heavens sent down a bolt of lightning that hit me, energizing me like I’d smashed a full pot of espresso before arcing over to fry the shit out of Sombra. The bolt from the sky was stronger than the one I’d thrown at him earlier by far, and having him be covered in water mixed with blood just made him fry even faster. More bolts came from different angles, making Sombra’s body leap and jolt so that it never had to strike the same place twice until I waved the storm away. The bright day was still darkened by clouds, and I was still wet as fuck from the sudden downpour, but it had been a super dope way to end the fight.

I teleported to Beige because she seemed like a good person to go visit at the moment, and when I appeared next to her, she spared me a glance. “You won handily. You are not all talk.”

“I beat Sombra, Stygian, and Tirek all in one go last time.” I grumbled.

“And they were not fighting with their full strength. They did not expect you to be as strong as you are.”

“Tch. Excuses.”

“Indeed. I do not believe Sombra will be rising any time soon.”

“Well, he was dead as fuck after that last punch, and he was practically brain-dead before then.” I said noncommittally.

“Cutting his mane and tail off was pointless.” Beige said flatly.

“It sent a message.”

“That you will brutalize and humiliate any who challenge you?”

“Eeyup.”

“Were you a mercenary at one point?”

I shook my head. “No, I was a warrior Prince. Had to fight in a war, and executions weren’t uncommon for enemy soldiers that did particularly well against Equestrian forces.”

“... The last war in Equestria was over a thousand years ago.”

“Yeah, on EquIS, not EquUS.” I reminded.

“You said the same word in a slightly different way.”

“That’s because Equis and Equus are slightly different planets.”

“Oh, I forgot that you come from another world. I apologize, I’ve had much to do in the last forty-eight hours.”

“Why’s that?”

“Your yellow friend, the shy one, keeps asking for updates on her animals. I’ve had to send a messenger with a bottle of Dragon Fire over to her house to keep an eye on things. Since you fought Sombra, I’m assuming your friends are going to be freed, which will be a relief.”

“For you AND for me. The less danger they’re in, the happier I am.”

She nodded. “Right. How was your visit with your wife.”

“Too short for my tastes, but I’ll take whatever time I can get with her. I was willing to start killing before you told me that I had an audience with Romulus.” I admitted.

“We know. I saw it in you during my last visit and warned him of it. That’s why he agreed to see you sooner than he’d planned.”

“So what was the original plan?” I asked. “There must have been some kind of deviation from the course since he’d been planning on seeing me later.”

“The plan was to simply keep you out of the way of the fight. We knew that you would stay still as long as we held Twilight, but when idle warning no longer worked, we had to reevaluate our plan and found that having you as an ally would be better than making you into an enemy.”

“Hmm.”

“Believe me, I may have assisted in foalnapping your dear wife, but I was not happy about it. I believe that striking out at someone’s loved ones is a dirty move above all others.”

“We think along the same lines then. I’m still going to deck Romulus for imprisoning myself, my friends, and my wife. Not necessarily in order of importance there.”

“As I would expect you to. Just know that if you make an enemy of my savior, that you will be making an enemy of me as well.” Beige commented blandly, like it really didn’t matter either way.

“I’ll just send you to the Moon for a little bit and we’ll deal with it when the time comes.”

“I would not like being on the Moon.”

“It’s fun on the Moon, though. You can jump really high, lift really heavy boulders, and draw pictures in the dust. It’s a really good time.”

“I will take your word for it. As it is, I need to get back to doing something, so please return to your room until a mission is sent your way.”

“Sure. See you later, Beige.”

“Goodbye for now.”

And with that, I went back to my room and got this shit written out. It’s been a few hours since I killed Sombra again, but it’s whatever. I’m just bored at this point, and I know that I need to hurry up and figure out a way to get Twilight, Luna, and Celestia freed from their confinements. I’d probably have to bargain with Romulus pretty hard or outright kill him, but I don’t like my odds of keeping the three Alicorns alive if I wanted to try fighting my way out. I hate being stuck, and having little clue of what I’m working with bothers me to no end. I imagine that things will get better soon enough, but for the time being, I just can’t find a way out. Fuck, mate I need a hand now more than ever, but the only ace I have in the hole is me, myself, and… The ancient being that I recently freed from Luna.

I’m fucking stupid.

To pick up from where I left off, I was talking about grabbing Nyx and using her as my trump card, which was a great idea. I pulled her to me shortly after I made that line that separates the sections of the collection, and started with my explanation. “Nyx, do you know what’s going on right now.”

She gripped my shoulders. “Maximus, I need to leave! The streets of Canterlot are flooded with enemies! There are changelings and Gryphons everywhere!”

I grimaced. “Yeah, I know. There’s no point in fighting them anymore, Nyx.”

“So say you! Come with me, Maximus! Together we can retake Canterlot and rejoin Celestia and Luna!” Nyx gave me a look of absolute resolve.

“Celestia and Luna are currently imprisoned and I’m stuck, love. Romulus, the guy in charge of this whole thing, has everyone on lockdown. We’re screwed, Nyx, so the best plan of action is to help me see if you can help our situation before we launch a counter strike.”

Nyx waited a few moments before sighing. “And our plans failed. You asked me to tell you if anyone died after you slayed Romulus, and everyone died. Celestia, Luna, the Elements and Twilight all perished horribly soon after Romulus did.”

“Fuck. So what about just trying to get Celestia and Luna out of the mountain?”

“We also tried that. It failed miserably, and they both died as a result.”

“Alright, so let’s try-” I started.

“Taking hostages did not work.”

“Fuck. Are there any moves you can think of making?”

“We tried taking Romulus himself hostage, but he started killing off the Elements of Harmony until we let him go.” Nyx sighed.

“... So what about taking his powers from him?”

Nyx’s eyebrows shot up. “I did not think of that!” She waited a few moments. “And we failed.”

“How’d we fail?”

“Romulus killed you while you were trying to pull his power from him.”

I gave her a look. “Don't tell me we stood in front of him and did it.”

“We did.” She answered resolutely.

“Why didn’t we try from here?”

“Because it would be dishonorable.”

“Stealing my wife was far more dishonorable.”

She shrugged. “It is simply not how I would choose to handle an opponent.”

“... Yeah, you can leave, I’m gonna steal his powers.”

“I will remain here.”

“Lazy tailor says suit yourself.” I shrugged and reached through the dimensions and into Romulus, searching around for his Shield Magic. I found it soon enough, but when I tried to grab it, the damn thing avoided me and I ended up chasing it for a minute before I gave up. “Well that was a bust. I think his Shield Magic is God-given or something.”

“What would that mean?” Nyx asked.

“Means I can’t take it from him, which also makes him a Chosen One like me. We’re either meant to work together or I’m here to kill him.” There can be only one!

“There can be only one.” Nyx said grimly. Bitch, are you psychic?

“That’s what I was thinking. Hopefully he learns that this is the wrong path and lets me-” I heard a heartbeat outside the door. “Hide. Invisibility spell, corner of the room.”

Nyx disappeared and I went to the door to answer it, but Nasty Night let himself in and gave me a nice little glare. “I see you’re in good health.”

“I rather wish you weren’t, but we don’t always get what we want. Speaking of, what do you want.” I asked irritably.

“Your head on a pike with your balls in your mouth, but for the time being, I’ll settle on you following me.” He replied icily.

“Not happening. Get Beige or Romulus himself. I don’t follow you.”

He made a face. “I don't want you near me unless I’ve got a rusty knife in my hoof. No, it’s time for you to be switched into a new room befitting your new station.”

“Like I said; Beige or Romulus. I’m not letting you walk me into a trap.” I said stubbornly.

“Are you really going to make me do this the hard way?” He asked boredly.

I raised a brow. “If the hard way involves getting one of your superiors, then yes.”

“The hard way involves me taking Rarity for a ride along with seven other stallions.” He smirked. “I would hate to have to-”

I had him by his throat before he could finish the sentence. “Touch her and die. Look at her and die. Think about her AND DIE. Nasty Night, do not presume to threaten me with anything.”

He tried to hit me with his front hooves, but they were too short to allow him to do anything other than grab at my arm, though how he managed to do that, I don’t know. Fucking four-legged Ponies and their hooves, man. Anyway, I traded hands and grabbed Beige from wherever the fuck she was at the moment so she could help me deal with her inferior little pissant. When Beige got over the fact that I’d pulled her to me by her tail, she gave me a look.

“Why do you have Nasty Night by the throat?” She asked uninterestedly.

“He threatened to rape one of my friends.” I replied evenly.

“Ah. Nasty Night, that was foalish of you.”

“Gack!” He croaked.

“I did not understand that, but I hope it was an apology toward your direct superior. It’s well within his right to kill you right now.” Beige sighed.

I stared at her for a moment before I made the turning of my head the smile growing on my face as creepy as I possibly could. “You hear that, mate? It sounds like I get to work you over however I want.”

His eyes widened and he struggled against me even harder than he had been, but when I added my left hand to his throat again, he was stuck, fucked, and his life was about to get cucked out from underneathed him. I slowly choked the life out of Nasty Night, and when I heard him get ready to breath his last breath, I let him go and he started gasping for air, collapsing on the floor as his body tried desperately to get the oxygen it needed to keep on keeping on. I turned to Beige and gave her a grand smile.

“How much do you value this guy, Beige? Your answer decides his fate.”

She gave him a once over and looked back at me. “His life is disposable, though I would ask that you make his suffering end quickly. Relatively quickly, that is. If you want to set him on fire, that would be quick enough.”

“B-Beige! I’ve served you for years!” Nasty protested raspily.

“And you’ve been working to undermine me for most of that time. You thought my soldiers were more loyal to yourself than to me, and you thought wrong.” She replied drolly.

He glared at her. “I did your dirty work-”

“As you were paid to do. There is loyalty among the rest of the company, but you have double crossed us before. The only reason I’ve kept you around so long is because you were good at what you did, even if your information was unreliable. You’ve been obsolete since Romulus came around.” Beige looked at me. “I suggest electrocution. He should remain conscious long enough for you to be satisfied.”

I grinned at Nasty. “How’s that sound, buddy? You ready to die?”

His horn lit up and I grabbed it before breaking it off with my left hand. “Ah, ah, ah! No Magic from you, Mr. Nasty.”

“You bastard! My horn!” He cried, reaching up to his head with his front hooves to inspect the damage.

I stowed his horn in one of my pockets and placed my hand on his head. “Stay still now: this is going to hurt. A lot.”

And thus I started pouring electricity into him, starting off with just enough to make him lose control of his muscles before I added more and more into him. I stared Nasty Night in the eyes as he was being shocked into the afterlife, and as I poured electricity into him, I started using my Magic as a probe of sorts to find out just what kind of Magic HE had, just in case I could take some of it. I felt his soul float away before I could find anything, sadly, but I did still have his horn and Sombra’s in my pockets, so I had a couple of trophies for the day.

Once I was done and Nasty’s corpse was smouldering, I turned to Beige. “This make me want to grill out. What say you and me go barbeque some veggies or go hunting?”

Beige’s lips curled ever so slightly at the corners of her mouth, and if I didn’t have advanced perception, I doubt I would have even noticed it. “Murder works up an appetite, no?”

“With some people, yes, but I think putting down evil pieces of shit makes everyone want a burger or something. I could do with some black pudding myself, though that’s not really something you grill. Fuck, I guess you could, but now I’m just rambling.”

“You’re a very amusing person, Maximus. Even in the face of adversity, you still managed to make me smile. That’s not an easy task.” Beige complimented in her usual bored tone.

“Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here until Romulus takes over the world.” I replied wryly. “In the meantime, do I really have to go to another room, or was Nasty Night leading me into a trap?”

“Both.” She said simply. “I was in the middle of asking a group of Changelings and a few Gryphons why they were all waiting in a corridor with their weapons drawn and none of them had any answers for me. I assume Nasty Night heard that you were to be given a new room and thought to capitalize on the opportunity.”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s sad that he thought that would actually work. I would’ve sensed the trap even if I hadn’t already seen it coming.”

“Oh? So it’s hard to surprise you.”

“Unless you can teleport and move faster than the blink of an eye, then yes. You need both qualities to have a chance against me.”

“And Tirek stands no chance against you?”

“Nope. He can’t eat my Magic, just like he can’t eat Romulus’.”

Beige nodded slowly. “I see. This is good news for the cause, though I believe it’s bad news for Tirek.”

“Oh, he’ll get his whenever he’s ready to come for it. I’ve already killed him once and I’ll do it again if I have to.” I popped my knuckles since my hands were starting to feel itchy.

“Now that I have seen you fight for myself, I do believe that you will at least be a good match for Tirek, if not the victor of the challenge should it ever come to a head. However, I must ask that you wait for Tirek to challenge you, or otherwise wait until my savior tells you it is fine to go after him.”

I shrugged, which I seemed to be doing a lot of lately. “When doesn’t matter to me. All I need to figure out is how, but I’ve already got a few aces in my sleeve.”

“Hopefully those aces will help you when the time comes. For now, I will lead you to your new quarters. Your things will be brought to you within the hour.”

“Lovely, thanks Beige.”

“It is no issue. Tell me, you said you fought in a war, did you not?”

“Yeah, I fought in a worldwide war.” I replied, my tone clipped.

“What was the mayhem like? How did it taste to you?” She asked, her voice dipping slightly.

“The mayhem was disorganized, yet refined depending on which soldier you were watching. Me? I cut through the enemy until I reached the back of their ranks and then started working my way back to the middle without really stopping to consider how many lives I was taking at the time. It tasted bland, meaningless slaughter that is. It was just a horrible series of events that didn’t need to happen.” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “The only thing war tastes of is pure bitterness. Even winning The War was a bittersweet moment.”

I’d been staring off at the door when Beige placed a hoof on my arm. “I feel the same way. This battle, this war that Romulus is waging… It’s unnecessary. We could have seized Equestria and let it end there, but he already has a campaign planned for Mexicolt. We already have Gryphonia and the Crystal Empire in our pocket, and that should have been enough, but…” She shook her head. “I would ask that you use your experience to try and talk some sense into my Savior. Perhaps he will listen to one of his own better than a Pony.”

“It’ll be what it is. I doubt I’ll be able to get him to stray from his path, but I’ll try without actually putting him down if you really want me to.”

“I would appreciate the effort. Now, may I escort you?”

I touched a hand to my chest. “Why, Beige! I am married!”

She lightly kicked my leg as she headed for the door. “That would be a shame if you weren’t a biped.”

I followed her closely, having been drawn in by her reply. “Oh? Are you saying that if I had four legs, I’d be your ideal guy?”

“I am saying that I could see myself with someone of your temperament and moral standing for longer than a month. I have no idea how you express intimacy, but I doubt that it is by the conventional Pony means.”

“Well, I tend to show affection with kisses and caresses. I do words of affirmation too, but that’s mostly because Twilight is a verbal confirmation kind of woman.” I said.

“She’s lucky to have you, then. Most stallions either work with a mare or they don’t. Rarely enough do either of the sexes try to flex enough to make things work between them and their loved one in my experience.” Beige replied.

I scoffed. “When’s the last time you lived the civilian life?”

“Fair enough. I assume you know how to rut a mare properly from your general swagger.”

“I don’t know about rutting, but I can coax an orgasm from even the least sensitive of women if that’s what you’re getting at. I might not be as well endowed as some of you quadrupeds, specifically Ponies, but I know how to use what I have more than any Pony ever could.”

“Intriguing. The motion of the ocean matters more than the size of the wave.”

“Hey, the wave is still big enough to get the job done, it just learns how the ocean’s flowing as it rises.”

She looked at me from the corner of her eye. “If I did not know any better, I would think that you engineered this conversation so you could brag about your sexual prowess.”

“Nah, this one’s all your fault. You’re the one who said me being married would be a shame if I was more physically compatible with a Pony.”

She rolled her eyes. “Shifting the blame is foalish.”

“Dodging the blame by claiming that I’m shifting it is childish.” I replied cheekily.

“Claiming that I am attempting to dodge the blame while you are shifting it is foalish.”

“Saying that I’m claiming that you’re trying to dodge the blame while I’m shifting the blame, which I’m not, is childish.”

“Maintaining that me saying that you’re claiming that I’m dodging the blame, which I am not, while you’re shifting the blame is foalish.”

“Responding that I’m maintaining that you saying that I’m claiming that you’re dodging the blame, which you are, while I’m shifting the blame, which I’m not, is childish.”

“Replying that me responding that you’re maintaining that I’m saying that you’re claiming that I’m dodging the blame, which I’m not, while you’re shifting the blame, which you are, is foalish.”

“How long are we gonna do this?” I asked.

“It ends when you ask.” Beige replied.

“Well damn. Eh, I was running out of synonyms for ‘say’ anyway.”

“A shame. Truly a shame.” She droned.

“It sucks when I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or genuine.”

“Take a guess and make an assumption.”

“Assumptions make asses out of you and me.”

“Then make an educated guess.”

“A rose by any other name will still stab the shit out of you if you stick your hand in the bush.” I scoffed.

Beige tossed her mane. “Roses are too sweet anyway. I prefer lavender.”

“I like bluebells myself, but that’s because they’re blue and the only reason I deal with them is for aesthetic purposes.”

“You don’t eat flowers.” Beige stated.

“I do not. I cannot.”

“A tragedy, to be sure. Though I assume the ability to eat meat is worth the trade.”

“Meh. Bacon is tasty and all, but if I could grow a garden full of things that tasted awesome, I’d rather just do that.” I scratched my head as we turned and went down another long hall.

“Being an herbivore does have its perks and privileges, but as Romulus has explained to me, being a prey species also has its pitfalls.”
“Like not having sharp teeth. On the other hand, you have four hard hooves that can do damage.”

“And yet you would defeat any Pony in a fair fight with no Magic.” She said flatly.

“Yeah, so? I trained hard as fuck to get to this point, Beige. Years of my life went into making me lethal with my hands.”

“I would assume so. What race do you believe would give you the most trouble if you were to fight hand-to-hoof?”

I rubbed my chin. “Probably either Naga or Gryphons to be honest with you. Gryphons are known for being fast, and sharp talons are no joke. I would make the same argument for a Cat, but I don’t believe that I’ve ever met one outside of mental constructs.”

“They are a charming race, to be sure. They say that Cats are all born with silver tongues that speak for themselves.”

“That’s pretty interesting. How many ways are there to skin a Cat?” I asked.

Beige looked at me. “Why would you want to skin a cat?”

“It’s a reference to an old saying from my world. I don’t know where it comes from, but I know that it was a bit less dark back on Earth.”

“How would the death of a living creature be less morbid?”

I raised a brow. “Would you mourn for a bird the same as you would a Pony?”

“Of course not. Birds are not sentient beings.” Beige responded.

“And neither were cats back on my world. Your average housecat was just about dumb enough to drown itself. Dogs, on the other hand, were like toddlers. They still did stupid shit, but you could train them one way or another.”

“Romulus has said that Ponies existed on Earth as well, but he did not say to what capacity.”

“They’re not exactly plentiful, but they are some pretty smart creatures. They’re not sentient, but they can can learn certain tricks or basic spelling and memorization.” I explained.

“So Ponies were pets to Humans?” Beige asked.

“Pets, companions, friends. It all depends on your prerogative.”

“I would assume that living on Equis for two months has shaken the idea of Ponies being dumb animals from your mind.”

“It has, but I still refuse to sleep with a quadruped. Shit’s just weird.”

“I agree. One should only be sleeping with things that have the same number of legs.”

“Does that mean you’ve fucked a bed post before?” I asked cheekily.

She gave me a bored look and rolled her eyes. “Opposable legs.”

“A spider with half its legs cut off?”

“Amusing.” She came to a stop and pointed at a door. “There is your new room. I shall return tomorrow.”

“Bring chocolate and porno.” I said in a nerdy voice for some odd reason.

Beige tilted her head. “I would bring you chocolate, but I don’t believe any ‘porno’ I have available to me would be interesting to you.”

“It wouldn’t be, but that you for briefly considering it.” I gave her a winsome smile.

The corners of her mouth lifted again. “You know, you’re actually quite tolerable. I look forward to our next visit.”

“The feeling’s mutual. Take it easy, Beige.” I opened the door to the room and walked through, decently impressed with my new quarters.

Shit was nice and even included a loft, which I planned on spending most of my down time in from the get go. The floor was still cut stone, but now it was granite instead of marble for some odd reason. I blamed the architect of this weird mountain-base for their design choices, but it didn’t really matter all that much in the end. I took my time in looking around, my eyes immediately going to the center of the room. Since it grabbed my attention, I figured I would go and check out the collection of sofas and chair, and when I got there, I saw that underneath it all was a large woven rug. The furniture looked old, but taken care of, though I wondered how long it would last with how heavy the Ponies tend to be.

I figured I’d give something else a look before I sat down, so I headed over to the left side of the room and found a little kitchenette... Well, It was actually just a fireplace and an island with a rack of knives over it, but you know,kitchenette. Not far from it was the room I was actually going to sleep in, complete with a bed large enough for me to stretch on and a couple of nightstands. It became more apparent that I was probably about to be in for the long haul with this piece of my journey, so I bit back a weary sigh and manned up, so to speak. Man upped? Fucking… They both sound weird. I realized I had testicles and decided to use the testosterone they give me to do something productive and started working out to alleviate some stress.

A thousand pushups later, mix in some odd burpees and some crunches, and I needed a fucking shower. Sadly, the wash basin was all I had and the water was cold as fuck. I decided to rectify that with some good old fashioned Magic; freshly stolen from Nasty’s horn. Then I made a crystal bathtub with Sombra’s Magic and dumped the basin into it. There was a spigot to get more water, so I repeated the cycles quite a few times before casting a fireball spells into the water like I was a fucking loon. It was actually some great fun since they don’t quite extinguish underwater, but they do pop like air bubbles and it makes me giggle. I needed those giggles at the moment because learning how to send emotions via the Covenant was going to suck if I had to use the ones I was feeling before I started doing dumb shit.

After I felt the happiness take in Twilight, I stopped with the fireballs and tried the water. For all the Magic it had taken to get to the point where it was only slightly too warm to soak in, it kind of seemed like a waste. I resolved to just use a fucking warming spell next time because Nasty didn’t really have all that much Magic to begin with. Well, he was definitely above average, but compared to what I’ve gotten used to, he didn’t have shit on Blue, Trixie, or Fancy. Crimson’s arse would be toast and Fleur might have a bit of a time, but on raw Magic, my family and surrogate older brother would win that fight.

Fuck. Tangent time already? Getting on with it in three… Two… One…

Go. So I took my bath and it was pretty pleasant. I no longer smelled like burning fur and flesh, but I now had to worry about the fact that I barely gave a fuck about killing two dudes. I felt like I SHOULD HAVE been guilty or some shit, but both Sombra and Nasty Night are confirmed evil, sadistic pricks. Kinda did the world a favour on those two, and one of them threatened one of my favourite targets- victims- friends with an unspeakable act. The other threatened to perform the same act on my arse, and I wasn’t having that shit anyhow. Man, why does Romulus employ fucking rapists? I mean, I want to understand the guy, but he’s seeming more and more like someone I’m gonna have to kill. It sucks that I’d have to do that to Beige, but then again, we understand where we stand. It’ll be a shame if I have to kill her, but I doubt it’ll come to that.

It sucks that my honeymooning days went to shit so fast, but who ever heard of a two month long honeymoon anyway? Shit was pretty good for far too long barring the first day of Twilight and I being the owners of a normal home, but even then Twilight just got a little wet. Actually, she got soaked, but that was later in the night and it was fun.

Probably shouldn’t be thinking about her at the moment, but it’s hard not too. I’ve already been away from Twilight too long. I think this lethal streak is starting because I already had to go a week without her, but I don’t know if being able to see her every other day is going to be enough. It’s not like I’ll be seeing my fucking wife for all that long anyway, but I guess it’s better than nothing. Just knowing that she’s okay makes it a little less terrible, I guess. She probably won’t agree with me doing a lot of what Romulus probably has planned for me, but it’s looking like it’s what I need to do to get us out of this situation. Who knows? Maybe we’ll just be sitting on our arses for a few more days and no one will even think to use me for anything. Maybe the moment I finish this sentence some proper bullshit is going to pop up and smack me in the gob. I just don’t know and I don’t like not knowing. It fucking bothers me.

I decided to head into the mindscape for a little bit so everyone could get the full story, just in case no one was watching, completely enraptured by the boredom that accompanies long hours of doing nothing. When I touched down on the Center platform, Prime and Roxy were already waiting for me. We talked about the proceedings that were taking place for a little bit and got their takes on the matter. Prime said that we should challenge Romulus in front of as many people as we can and destroy him, and as our reward, we request that he let my people go before handing everything over to him. The purpose of that being so we can fuck off, hide Twilight and the other colorful ones before tackling the prick in the dick. I liked his idea, but Roxy’s was more sensible. She proposed that we stay the course, help Romulus take over Mexicolt, and then defeat him with Noir and put Celestia and Luna back in power, which I also liked. However, the problem of him becoming stronger than me was a serious concern and no one really wanted to take that risk unless we had God Magic to back it up. Sadly, shit just wasn’t happening.

“We’re kinda fucked.” Prime grunted.

“Not even kind, mate.” Roxy sighed.

“Look, guys, we’ll get through this, we just gotta have a plan. I don’t want to just float along on the currents that are flowing, so what’s the bloody COA here?” I asked, cutting the pessimism.

Prime grumbled some unkind things about my biological mother, but few of the things he said were false and most were close enough, so I couldn’t exactly be offended. “Look. We know fighting Romulus is a Wife-a-cide waiting to happen, and we can’t just steal his power, so what can we do? We’re fucked. We got rolled hard.”

“Only thing we can do is play along.” Roxy rubbed her neck. “Trust me, Toasty, I like this about as much as you do, only I have ovaries and they make my irritation more intense.”

“Did you seriously pull the ovary card to one-up Prime?” I asked, thoroughly disappointed.

“Oh shut up, Sparky. Go jump a beater or something.” Roxy huffed.

“I’ll jump you if you let me.” I said half-heartedly.

She gave me a look, but Prime spoke before she could. “Don’t keep flirting you fucking horndogs. It’s like the only thing you two can do around each other is spout bullshit and snog.”

I gave him a cheesy grin. “You want in on the action, don’t you, mate?”

Toasty glowered at me. “I couldn’t be less attracted to Roxy.”

“Who said we were talking about me? Maybe you want a piece of Max too?” Roxy teased.

His face lit up and he shifted over to his door, slamming it behind him as he went in. “... Well okay. That was unexpected.”

I looked at Roxy. “He wants a piece of my arse. I’m gay for me now.”

“You’re gay for yourself, Max. How does it feel?”

“How does it feel~? How does it feel~? How does it feel, when you’re alone, and it’s cold outsi~de?” I sang.

“Stranger in Moscow?”

“One of his best songs, in my opinion. Beats Thriller by a mile.”

Roxy hit me. “You take that back you fucking hipster! Nothing tops Thriller!”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re a mainstream plebeian if you think Thriller is his best song.”

“MJ had a lot of good songs! It’s just that Thriller is so iconic!”

“So you’re a follower? You like what other people like just because they like it?” I teased.

She went to hit me again, purposefully being slower than shit so I would catch her and bring her in for a kiss. I felt bad for getting a little affection from Roxy while Twilight couldn’t really do the same, so I let it be a brief one and pulled away. “Aww, that was barely a peck!” Roxy objected.

“It’s not fair to Twilight that she has to suffer alone when I have you whenever I want you. I wouldn’t ask her to hold out for my sake-”

“And Twilight wouldn’t hold it against you if you wanted to spend a little cuddle time with me, would she? I accept my place as number two here, Max, and that means I understand that I’m just a distraction-”

“Don't get slapped. You’re not a distraction, Roxy. You’re a main event for a totally unrelated subject, and don’t you forget that shit.” I barked.

She rolled her eyes. “Like I said: side bitch right here.”

“So I’m your side bitch?” I asked testily.

“Yeah, pretty much. Unless you count the occasional handy I give Kaid, but then again, I make him eat it.”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

“No, I really do. He wanted to try it one day and he sucked it off of my fingers. Shit was HOT, but not quite my thing.”

“I’m telling him you told me this.” I said devilishly.

Roxy put a hand on my face. “You wouldn’t humiliate the guy like that, would you? Especially not in front of Blue.”

“Does she know what you two do?” I asked.

She narrowed her eyes at me. “... I think she has an inkling, but nothing solid.”

“I’m going to give her something solid.” The smile on my face came back from when I dealt with Nasty.

Frosty rolled her eyes. “You swore you wouldn’t do that, so you’re definitely lying.”

“That's how you lie.” I smirked.

She snapped. “You had me going, but I didn’t even trip you up.”

“It’s harder to lie to the guy who’s actively listening to your heart as you speak.”

Roxy gave me an odd look. “... Uh, Max? How do you manage to do that?”

“With ease. I like listening to heartbeats anyway, and they beat louder when someone’s lying. It’s just a matter of paying attention.” And your micro-expressions give it away, but whatever.

“Well that sucks.” Roxy grumbled.

I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “It’ll suck less when you suck me off. I gotta go talk to Prince, can you manage on your own for a little bit?”

“Condescension doesn't suit you.”

“But doesn’t it though?” I gave her a roguish grin.

“No. Go fuck yourself.”

“You count as a part of me, right? I’ll happily fuck you.”

Roxy gave me a womanly look. “I already know you’re not going to do it until you get to spend more time with Twilight, so stop messing with me. I’m not finding it amusing.”

I sighed. “You never let me have any fun.”

“It’s not fun for me when you’re reminding me of something I can’t have.” She said critically.

I raised my hands. “Picture gotten. Sorry, Frosty.”

She glared at the floor for a moment. “... It’s cool. I’ll see you later, Sparky.” Nickname? So no hard feelings?

I gave her a hug before she started heading to her door, and when I got to Prince’s, I caught a glimpse of her entering her realm. I turned back to Prince’s door and rang the bell, the fellow himself arriving after a minute or two. “Oh! Maximus, what a pleasure to see you! I assume you’re here to tell me that Equestria has fallen and that Romulus has decided to keep you as a slave solely for the purpose of coitus?”

“You’re a fucked little man.” I said plainly.

“But dear Maximus, I happen to be taller than you.” Prince said, dead serious.

“God, you’re good at that. No, I’m here to let you know that we’re staying the course for the foreseeable future. It’s not ideal, nor is it what I want to do, but every other plan has failed so far.”

His face turned grim. “Does Kaid know? He usually does the shift with me.”

I shook my head. “I don’t think he’s been told quite yet. I’ll do it after we’re done here.”

Prince shook his head. “I’ll do it. I know that seeing Blue is going to be hard on you, so let me save you the pain.”

I nodded to him. “Thanks, mate. I appreciate that.”

“It’s no issue. Speaking of favours, I believe you could do me one once you return to reality.”

I gave him a look. “Seriously?”

He gave me a winning smile. “All I need is for you to closely inspect To Kopis Tou Pséfti. That’s all.”

“... Okay.”

He kept smiling. “Well, it’s just that The Liar’s Sword feels like it might have some tricks to it. I don’t think Hephaestus would have just given us a normal sword, after all.”

“Who knows, mate? He might have.” I pursed my lips off to the side. “I mean, it’s a very expensive, well crafted sword, but I don’t think Festus would have let anything slip through the cracks on the info.”

“Dats wot u tink, m8” Prince said, butchering the Welsh accent so bad, I had to misspell everything to get my point across.

“Fucking gross. Don’t you even, mate. Don't do that. This is a bad, don’t do a bad.”

He grinned. “I’ll keep it in mind. Would you like to come in for some tea?”

“Not at the moment, but thanks, Prince. Stop undressing me with your eyes and go do it to Lavender.”

Prince gave me a wink. “I know what you look like naked.”

“God, you just had to take it there, didn’t you?” I groaned.

“Have a good night, Maxximus. Ta ta!” Prince shut his door before I could tell him to go hove his good day up his arse.

I left the mindscape shortly after that since there was no reason for me to be there anymore, but when I got back to my new room, I still felt like I needed to do something. Nyx popped in from nowhere while I was sitting on an old sofa that was pretty bad, but decent enough to sit on. I’d wondered when she was going to show up, but when she told me that she was waiting for me to be completely clear, I understood that sentiment. We talked about the situation for a little while longer and I gave her orders to go to Ponyville and live in my house to avoid getting into any trouble. She didn’t like those orders, but she followed them anyway after checking to see if she could Shadow Dive to Twilight. She could not, but I hadn’t gotten my hopes up in the first place.

I went to the loft-area and read a book that I found up there until I finished it. I don’t know how long that took, but I did know that Dog literature was amusing to read, so I found a few more Dog authors in the shelves surrounding the mini library. The legibility of the penmanship and intelligibility of the writing itself varied, but it was a pretty good time and I got a few chuckles out of it. Dogs just have a weird outlook on life, to be honest. They seem to see everything in metaphorical black and white, but matters of loyalty were always dealt with on a flat basis. Did you betray your friend? Yes? You die. No? Prove it. Can’t prove it? You ded bruh. It’s just that simple in the Dog homelands. Hell, it keeps the population under control, I guess. Dogs do tend to have multiple pups, after all, and that can’t be easy to deal with as far as sustainability.

There was nothing left for me to do other than read, so I decided to check and see if someone had dropped a meal off, but no one had, so I started writing this out. It’s been fucking boring so far, but I’m rather hoping life doesn’t suddenly decide that it’s gonna get all spicy on me out of nowhere. I’d prefer things be bland for the time being, but that’s not up to me. And here I was hoping that I could hang up my sword and call my soldiering days over and done with, but fucking no. I just HAD to be strong enough to get noticed right away. Fucking crazy Magic powers.

Well, here’s hoping that the next collection of entries holds good news. The future might not be promised to me right now, but I have to make what wiggle room I have work for me, and you can fucking bet that I’ll come up with something to get myself out of this bind. To quote a faggot: believe it!

Yeah, the positivity isn’t working. I might just go shoot fireballs into the bathtub again.

Author's Notes:

I had to re-edit this chapter after reading through it, so there are probably more mistakes since going over something multiple times irritates me. Quote the errors and post a comment; I will handle that shit. Just be sure to give me more than like, two words to go off of so CTRL+F doesn't give me a million options.