I got my creep on, barely able to see outlines of the various ponies in the darkness. My guess that this was a surprise party seemed correct, that is, unless this was an interesting take on an intervention. I slipped past multiple ponies, keeping my breath below audibility as I tried to find a familiar face- er, well, a familiar shape. I bumped into a few people who were further away from the windows or were wearing dark clothing, and eventually got grabbed by a smallish hand.

“Hey, dude! What’re you trying to do, you’re gonna ruin the surprise!” Hissed none other than Rainbow Dash.

“Rainbow? Sorry, I was actually trying to find you. Who’s this party for? Is it Twilight or Spike’s birthday or something?” I asked innocently. All I got in response was a loud groan.

She groaned. “Hey, everypony! The jigs up, Max is already in here!” She called out. Someone flicked the lights on and everyone joined Rainbow in standing. Most eyes were on me, making me feel quite nervous.

“Surprise?” I offered sheepishly. I garnered some laughs at my expense, but I still felt rather bad; someone had gone through the trouble of planning this party and I’d gone and fucked it up.

I was too busy trying to make sense of who would throw a party for me when I’d only been here for two days that I didn’t even notice Twilight and Pinkie approaching me.

“Well Max, it would seem that you’re just full of surprises” Twilight stated drily. She looked much better with the small smile she was wearing than with a frown. Her outfit didn’t hurt either, with a long black skirt, pale purple blouse, and a lavender cardigan. She was pulling off the sexy librarian look off quite well.

“How did you even get in here anyway?” Pinkie asked with a sad look on her face. She had cheeks your old Auntie would love; pinchable and plump. “I made sure Twilight locked all the windows this time!”

I looked to Pinkie, then to Twilight. “So you locked all the windows?”

They nodded.

“But not the door to the balcon?.” They looked at each other and Twilight face palmed.

“I really should have thought of that, but why would you even think you had to sneak in?” Twilight inquired

“I wasn’t sure what was going on. Force of habit kicked in and I looked for a different route.”

Twilight tilted her head and looked at me while Pinkie just bounced and smiled “At least you weren’t trying to avoid my party! Rainbow tried to do that once,” Pinkie’s manic smile turned dark. “Once.”

“That’s nice Pinkie, but if you don’t mind, I think I’ll introduce Max to some new ponies.” Twilight excused us from the terror that was Pinkie Pie, though I found her dark side to be admirable; being bright and happy all the time was more worrisome than the Goth chavs that hung around Garland Market.

“So, Max.”

“Yes, Twilight?”

“Do you remember promising your assistance earlier?”

“Oh. I’m sorry, Twilight, but I was looking for a job and-”

“Don’t worry Max; I still need your help. I mean, as soon as I heard that Pinkie stopped by yesterday, I knew my experiment was going to have to wait until after the party, so it’s no big deal.”

“Well that works out great! Do you mind if I ask what this experiment is gonna test?” Twilight just grinned at me, leaving me to wonder what she had in store, but if her actions from earlier were any indication, it was going to be a fun night.

Twilight ended up by my side for most of the party, not that I was complaining. The only thing that even slightly annoyed me was the heavy flow of ponies whose names I had little to no chance of remembering. However, I got to introduce Twilight to Onyx, which was nice. Fluttershy was still nervous around me, which was unsurprising, but Twilight, Rainbow, Pinkie, Rarity, and an orange mare that wore an American cowboy hat assured me that she was naturally reserved. I believe the orange mare's name was Applejack, but there were many names floating around, so I’d have to ask later.

Something I learned quickly was that Pinkie was excellent at spiking foods and drinks. There was watermelon that had barely tasted like vodka, punch that could have passed at a child’s party and even jelly (I believe Americans call it Jell-o) that hid the burn of alcohol well. Needless to say, many people were completely hammered by the time they left, often supporting one another on their way out. Twilight and I chose to clean up and lessen our workload for tomorrow, though Twilight occasionally slurped a cube of jelly or a bite of watermelon. I doubted that she was in the correct state of mind for any kind of experimentation, but I had maintained a full cup through most of the party myself, so I had no room to talk.

By the time we’d finished cleaning up, I’d forced Twilight to drink three or so large cups of water to mitigate the impending hangover. I, on the hand, drank six because sugar and alcohol don’t mix well and I’d had plenty of both. Unfortunately, this meant many trips to the bathroom for Twilight and more trips to some bushes outside for me, but I can safely say I could still walk a straighter line than the lavender unicorn. She was finishing off the last jelly shot when I came back in from my latest expedition.

“Hey Twi, you good to do that experiment thing?” I slurred. Twilight gave me a drunken smile in return and wobbled her way over to me.

“Sure thing, Max. I have everything we need in the basement!”

I followed her uneven footsteps with my own while we traipsed down the stairs. When we reached the landing, Twilight flipped the light switch and guided me to a large cushioned chair. She sat across from me on its twin, grabbing a clipboard. When she started writing without a pen, she looked at her hand, confused. She giggled like a schoolgirl when she finally found one.

“So Maxxy~” She began. I got the vaguest feeling she was going to have trouble writing. “Humans have some dif-differ-”

“Different?”

“Yes! Yes, different an-anatomy from ponies, right?”

“Yeah, we don’t tend to have fur and our legs end in feet so there’s always that.” I would have given her a snarky remark, but I was feeling nice at the time, so I thought to answer her questions without the power of English Sarcasm (Trademarked by British People Empire)

She asked a few more inane questions about random things before, “Can you stand for me? I wanna take some notes” Twilight asked.

I rose accordingly as Twilight licked her lips. Her eyes were glued to my wiry form, and my eyes were roaming her body. “Would you mind taking your clothes off for me? I’d like to collect more information.”

I don’t know whether it was the alcohol or my longstanding dry streak, but I didn’t need any extra incentive. I stepped behind the chair I’d been sitting in and moved it slightly to the side. I began with my shirt, much to Twilight’s pleasure. My boots were next, with my hidden knives remaining hidden, followed my trousers and drawers. By the time I was done, Twilight was flushed and panting slightly.

“You’re not taking notes, you pervert.” I said, waving a hand at Twilight. She ignored the fuck out of me and approached me.

“You know, for a hairless ting- thing, you’re kinda attractive, Max.”

“You know, for a purple pony thing, you’re pretty sexy yourself, Twi.”

We looked at one another for what felt like hours before I brushed my thumb across Twilight’s cheek and kissed her. I was expecting her to be a bit more proactive. I was not expecting her to stroke my member before slipping me some tongue.

“I’ve read up on love making and the Pony-Sutra,” Twilight licked her lip. “I’ve been wanting to try what I’ve learned since my last estrus” Well that explained a lot. It also opened a whole new can of worms that my inebriated mind couldn’t process, so I ignored it like the European Union ignored Greece.

Twilight started kissing her way down from my neck down to my now erect member, flicking the tip with her tongue before she popped my lower head into her mouth. She tried fellating me to the best of her abilities, but reading only gets you so far, sadly. After the third time she nearly bit me, I was getting nervous about my safety, so I gently withdrew. She looked up at me in confusion for a moment before I gestured for her to stand. I embraced her, kissing her deeply while I whisked the cardigan from her shoulders. Her blouse was the next thing to go, and her skirt soon followed, leaving her in matching black lace/satin undergarments that just barely concealed the goodies underneath. I removed her panties with my teeth for added sexiness, and was rewarded with a lovely view of her moist nether regions.I picked Twilight up by her thighs and she hung on to me. I nearly threw my fucking back out. These ponies weren’t very big, (I hadn’t met one that was taller than me besides Celestia) but they were so fucking dense! Twilight kissed me again and I tried not to pant in her mouth. I set her down on a convenient table that was clear and began one of my favorite things.

I was out of practice in the ways of the cunning linguist, but even as rusty as I was, I had Twilight moaning within in less than five minutes. I thrust my tongue inside of her and teased her clit for added fun. As drunk as I was, I was still aware enough to notice that Twilight tasted a bit like grape squash, if you’d believe it. Of course she wasn’t carbonated, but I swear I could taste alcohol.

Heh, just like back home.

I had barely slipped a second finger into Twilight’s honey pot when a loud moan and a flood of her love juices let me know that she’d came. Flat on her back and panting, I wasn’t sure if Twilight could handle the D. She came back to her senses and look at me with a dazed smile before passing out.

I sighed before getting dressed. I knew some people, not just men, who would happily take the opportunity presented, but doing the bedroom waltz with a sleeping partner had always struck me as a deed tantamount to rape, even if consent was given beforehand. With my morals hopefully guiding me to a decent afterlife, I redressed Twilight as well and barely managed to carry her up the two flights of stairs to her room. Thankfully Spike was at a sleepover, so I didn’t have to worry about him asking hard-to-answer questions. When I dumped Twilight in her bed, I was completely exhausted, more than a little drunk, and a bit more sexually frustrated, so I claimed the other half of her bed as my reward for carrying her heavy arse up there.

Morning came, along with the sun. I heard Twilight mutter curses against the light. My thoughts mimicked hers perfectly. I sat up and started to get out of bed when Twilight gasped.

“M-Max? Um, why are you in my bed?” She asked softly as to not worsen her hangover.

“Remember that experiment you asked me to help with? Well you got it, though I can’t say I’m happy with the end results.”

Twilight turned bright red before the color drained from her face; it was an amusing sight to say the least.

“O-ohmyCelestiadidwe-?”

“No, you passed out after I showed you my skills as a linguist.” I joked. I gave her an easy smile to calm her nerves. “But you were rather eager last night. Having some regrets, maybe?”

Twilight took a massive breath of air and sighed in relief. “Well, you see…”

“You’re a virgin, aren’t you?” It wasn’t really a question. The blush I received was all the answer I would have needed anyway.

“W-what? O-of course not! I-I’m over twenty, how c-could I still be-”

“You don’t have to lie, Twilight. You act like I’d judge you for remaining pure.” I never understood why so many virgins were so eager to give that away, or were embarrassed by it.

“Just… Can you not tell anypony? It’s embarrassing to be the only one who hasn’t been with a stallion.”

“No worries, Twilight. A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell, and I’d like to consider myself a gentleman.”

“I’m not so sure, but if you say so… What did you mean when you said your lingual skills made me ‘pass out’? Are you saying you talked so long I fell asleep?”

“Have you ever heard of a cunning linguist, Twi?”

Recognition dawned upon her face along with another blush. Twilight excused herself and went to prepare for the day with only a mild hangover, thanks to my efforts from last night. I busied myself downstairs with making breakfast for us, when a thought crossed my mind: What the bloody hell was I doing? Ever since I’d arrived in Equestria, I’d never even thought about my friend or my rather worthless family. I’d never even thought about how I got here! All I seemed to be doing was existing, but at the very least I was surviving the best I could which has always been my greatest achievement. It simply worried me that I was so accepting of the whole situation. A world full of talking humanesque ponies, gay river serpents and an immortal Princess who moves the Sun? I believe most people would be at least perturbed, or worried about making a new life. A new life…

Could I begin anew in this strange world? Could I ever go back to England? Back to Wiltshire?

I wasn’t confident in either. With my appetite well and truly obliterated, I left Twilight a note before going on a walk. I remembered passing a bakery on my way to the Lock Pad yesterday, so I decided to make that my first destination, hoping I could force something down. SugarCube corner was a gingerbread house made of non-gingerbread materials. As delicious as it looked, I thought it was kind of gaudy, but it’s not like I had to go there every day. The second I walked through the door, Pinkie was in my face.

“Hiya Max! Didja enjoy the party? What about that experiment with Twilight? Ohh! I know! You need some cake to celebrate after a good party!”

“Uhh. Do you have any muffins?” I eloquently replied.

And then there was muffin.

I don’t even remember sitting down, but there I was, with Pinkie sitting across from me.

“Do you like the muffin?”

I took a bite. It was good, but not great.

“It’s good. Pinkie, why am I sitting?”

“Because you’re not standing silly! And now that you already took a bite-” Pinkie’s expression changed. “Imma need you to pay up. You ain’t stealin’ that muffin.”

I handed Pinkie ten bits out of shock, though she only took two. She passed the rest back to me.

“Glad to know you’ve changed from your thieving ways!” She stated cheerfully, back to nor- Wait, what the fuck?

“Wait, what the fuck!? How do you know about that!?” I tried to keep my voice low, but the panic was still evident.

“I heard you and Mr. Daisy talking about it, silly!”

“We were inside a shop with the best locks in Ponyville.”

“So what was it like being a thief? Was it fun? I bet it wasn’t fun for the ponies you stole from! You should apologize!”

“Pinkie, I’d really rather not talk about my past; It holds nothing but shame for me. Please don’t tell anyone about what you heard, I just want to start over, get a new lease on life.” I was getting desperate at this point. Pinkie was too crazy to count on.

“Well, I guess I can promise not to tell anypony else, but you should give the stuff you took back to its rightful owners!” Hold up, anypony else?

“What do you mean you won’t tell 'anypony else’? Have you-” I was interrupted, but not by Pinkie.

“She told me, partner. And I think ya should know that I ain’t too happy with you hidin’ stuff from us.” The orange mare from last night said.

Pinkie pie spoke up, “See! That’s what I was thinking too, but I think giving the stuff he stole back is more important! You should listen to me and Applejack! Applejack and I?” Pinkie Pie started mumbling to herself about the finer points of grammatical correctness and syntax while I turned to Applejack.

“You’ve got to understand, Applejack, it’s not like I wanted to hide anything from anyone, It’s just that I just want to leave that life behind, back in the past where it belongs.” I explained. Applejack looked like she was cracking, but she wasn’t as close to agreeing with me as I’d like.

“That doesn’t change the fact that what ya did was wrong, Max. Ya stole from innocent ponies!” AJ protested.

I looked at her like she was insane, then barked out a dark laugh. Applejack looked rather surprised. “Please, Applejack. The only innocent person I ever stole from was the man with the most bread on his table. The second I started getting money, dirty money, but money nonetheless, I bought my own food.”

Applejack looked surprised at my mention of stealing things for money, while Pinkie was still muttering to herself. After a minute of staring at me, I finally broke the silence.

“Believe me, if I would have had another choice, I would have taken it. If you were the only person who could feed your family and help your only friend, would you shirk your duties to the people you’re loyal to? Or would you do whatever you had to so your friend and family survive?” I said in a quiet voice. Applejack’s face softened at the mention of my loved ones, but I could still see the distaste for my previous actions in her eyes.

“You make it hard to argue against ya. Don’t mean I approve, but ya have my silence for what it’s worth.”

“Thank you Applejack, that means a lot to me.”

Applejack and Pinkie left me to stew in my thoughts for the time being. Empty time has always been a bad thing for an active mind, and mine was feeling quite active after the events that had occurred. I considered just telling Twilight and her group of friends, but for some reason Fluttershy kept popping up in my mind. I don’t think I could bear telling her about my past, which confused me because I barely knew the girl. Something told me that I should be wary around her, but I didn't know if that was just my uncanny sense for danger or if I was just being paranoid. After all, the girl had been nothing if not pleasant to me the entire time I'd known her. Sure, she was more shy than most, but she still seemed like a good one to me.

I tried to clear the negative thoughts from my head, deciding upon The Carousel Boutique as my second destination of the day. I silently prayed that I wouldn't have to deal with more trouble on my way there.

‘Things like this are why I’m agnostic’ I thought, staring down some sketchy looking fellows I’d never seen. Somehow I’d fallen into old habits and took alleyways as shortcuts on my way across town and ran into The Three Stooges. I wish I were kidding; One was an Earth pony with a curly mane, one was a Pegasus with a bowl cut, and the last looked different from any pony I’d seen before. Its coat was light brown, though its head seemed feathery and white. If I had to call it by name, I would guess that it was a Gryphon or something of the like.

“So, buddy,” Started Larry

“We heard ya done ticked our client off.” Said Moe.

Curly Joe finished with, “Sorry pal, but we gotta rough ya-” He didn’t get any further before I rushed him and threw my most powerful left hook into his liver, sending him straight to the ground.

Larry charged me at the same time Moe did, so I only did what was natural; I stood between them and waited for the right moment to duck. My appreciation for slapstick was well founded as I heard the nasty smack of two empty skulls trading knowledge in the field of pain. I rolled away from where they fell and admired my handiwork. The only real complaint I had was that my hand was aching. I shrugged and turned to leave when I saw the fringes of a grey mane turn a corner. Three guesses as to whom it was, the first two don’t count.

The rest of my way to Rarity’s was void of any noteworthy happenings, thankfully. I arrived in a timely manner, but it would seem that I’d slept longer than I’d thought as it was nearly noon. I walked in to see… Exactly what you’d expect in a boutique. There were clothes that I wouldn’t be caught dead in and dresses that seemed nice. Steps came from a room I’d barely noticed and I tensed up, still feeling my instincts from the fight earlier.

“Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where everythi- Oh hello Max! How are you this fine day?”

"Doing just fine. Ran into some trouble on the way over, but it's not like I couldn't handle it." I shrugged.

"I'm sure you're quite the capable stallion." She teased.

"I don't know about the stallion part, but- Wait, actually, I totally do. I'm one Hell of a stallion!" I gave her a cheesy grin, though the true meaning was lost on her.

I spoke to Rarity for awhile, enjoying both her company and the opportunity to drink good tea. She really was a beautiful mare, less so on the inside than out, but beautiful regardless. I left before long, but not without a ridiculous collection of new clothes Rarity had made for me since we met. The volume was completely ridiculous, and I would have doubted that she’d made the explicitly for me if she hadn’t told me. And the fact that everything fit near perfectly. It was an eerie experience to say the least.

An ominous feeling swept over me, shocking my system, almost making me drop the clothes Rarity had given me.

What the bloody fuck am I doing here? Surrounded by these generous, kind people who had known me for less than a week, yet had given me so much more than I ever could have hoped for back ‘home’. My chest felt like it was about to collapse upon itself and tears sprung up in my eyes. How did I know that I wouldn’t betray the kindness shown to me? I held myself together with willpower and trudged my way back to Twilight’s, though my own dark ruminations pounded away at my my mind.

Sometimes thinking just sucks.

Author's Notes:

(A/N)- Sorry for the wait, but I myself was waiting on my editor to get back with me, but no dice. I decided to do it myself, so my apologies if the chapter seems off. Either way, I hope you enjoyed! Stay tuned for the next chapter!

Edit: I remember my editor. Guy's been out of the picture since before I picked the story back up, but he was cool while he lasted. Fixed some formatting and added some dialogue. Not much changed.