I didn’t sleep at all the night before, so when Twilight woke up and found that I was writing in bed instead of sleeping next to her, she asked me if I was okay. I told her that I was trying to get there and that a little bit more time might help me to wrap my head around some things I’d had planned. Of course that opened up a can of worms that I didn’t want to deal with, namely Twilight asking what was on my mind, so I told her that I’d tell her after a cup of coffee on the back porch, so she said we could get it done sooner rather than later. I put my writing aside and snuggled up to her, kissing her face a few times and promising that we could talk later, just not now.

Twilight soaked up my affection and let me give her an early morning favor since I was in the mood to do something nice for her, though when I finished, she asked if I was just softening her up for rough news and I assured her that I probably was depending on what she found to be rough news. That made her a little suspicious as to what I was going to tell her, but I asked that Twilight let me have breakfast before we start getting into the tough stuff and she agreed, but she wanted another favour in the form of a hornjob in the shower and I was happy to give it to her. We picked out some clothes for the day and got to it nice and early since the sun was barely rising, though I was still stressing out over telling her about Adstus in general. I mean, who wants to tell their fiance that they’re effectively putting together a Death Squad? I mean, besides Eva Braun or Adolf I guess, but that’s a special case, yeah?”

In any case, Twilight got her hornjob and I got a wet handy that wasn’t terrible, though I requested that Twilight just blow me since it’s been so fucking long since I got any manner of relief. I didn’t bother trying to show off with my stamina since I seriously didn't give a fuck and just wanted to get off, so I just let it happen as Twilight wanted it to and when the time came I gave her due warning before I gave her a taste of what my daycare was like. Actually, I'm pretty certain my swimmers swim anymore. I keep forgetting that I’m sterile and that shit’s just depressing when I think about it, but then again, it’s not like I ever wanted kids in the first place. I guess I could always adopt a kid from a foreign land or something, that is, if Equestria isn’t at war with it in the coming years. Fuck raising another Dragon though. I don’t wanna deal with that bullshit, no offense to Spike. I really just don’t want to ruin a carnivore by raising it in an herbivore’s lands.

When everyone was nice and sated and Twilight had a mouthful of who I was in particular, we got to getting the rest of our morning routines finished, though Twilight was still harrowed when I whipped out the Warbling Blade and shaved with it. I don’t see why she doesn’t like it: it’s not her face. Still, I guess she doesn’t like the idea of someone fucking with a face she’d like to claim as hers. Anyways, we went downstairs and I started getting breakfast put together for her in the form of waffles and i made a few pancakes for Crimson before I realized I had no idea what he liked for breakfast. I figured he could fend for himself if he really wanted to, though I wondered why an Operative of all people was one to sleep in past royalty. It’s a little odd if you think about it, but then again, you might not think so. Either way, agree with me. I’m cool.

Crimson showed his face as I was kissing Twilight on the couch, doing my best to see if wine and syrup went well together. They were an absolutely terrible combination, but Twilight’s lips are still tasty nonetheless and there’s no substance I know of that could convince me otherwise unless it was actual Bitrex, but I digress. I let Crimson know that his pancakes had gotten cold and he said that he was more of a savory kind of breakfast fellow anyway, so Twilight followed me into the kitchen so I could finish them off. Crimson sorted through my shit until he found some grits that I’d had forever yet never used and grated some cheese onto a bowl once he got them boiled or however the fuck you cook grits. Whichever disgusting way he was making them, I didn’t want any part of his vile nonsense, so once he finished and washed his bowl, I asked him and Twilight if there was a specific room they wanted to have a certain kind of talk in. Crimson didn’t care, so Twilight suggested the parlour since it had held all kinds of talks before, though she was wary of the topic I was planning on bringing up.

I sat them down in the parlour and paced around for a little bit, trying to get a grip on how I wanted to broach the subject with them. I was, of course, planning on going with full disclosure, but the question here was how to phrase it so that Twilight wouldn’t freak out or think that we were in more trouble than we already were. I knew I was trying to sugarcoat things for her and that was a load of crap on my end, but I felt like I needed to break things delicately to her. I tightened the belt, deciding to get it over with.

“Alright Twilight, Crimson. I’m putting together a team of sorts. A strike force, if you will, and those people will ,for the most part, be living here.” I said slowly. I looked between them to gauge their responses.

Twilight gave me an odd look. “Why are you putting a team together? Why keep them all in your house?”

“I’m putting a team together for a mission of sorts that might save the world and I need to keep everyone on my team close to make sure they stay in top form.” I looked at Crimson. “I was actually hoping to have you join the team, if you’re so inclined. I’ll understand if you don’t want to-”

He waved my words aside. “Max, you’re a guy worth following. I’ve thought that since our first job together, and since then, all I’ve seen is that you’ve continued to learn and grow in the time since we’ve seen each other. If you want me on your team, I’ll lead it or round up the rear. The position doesn’t matter to me as long as you don't ask me to do obviously stupid stuff.”

I cracked a smile. “I actually want you to lead the team if I ever need to take leave, but still. I’m glad to hear that you’re willing to help me out with this since I’m kinda going to need you to help train some of our members.”

Twilight raised a hand. “Um, Amour, what kind of team are you trying to put together, because it doesn’t sound like you’re just making a group of friends.”

I scratched my head. “I guess strike force really doesn’t mean shit here. I’m putting together a team of people who get shit done, Twilight, one way or another. They’re not always going to be as nice as Crimson, but so far, it’s me, ‘Her’, Nashoba, and Crimson on the slate to get this team going.”

Crimson waved. “This team have a name?”

“Adstus. It means ‘cunning’, or ‘guile’. I explained.”

“Ah. Interesting.”

I nodded and turned back to Twilight. “Look, Cherry. The Elements of Harmony save the world your way, my team saves the world my way. Hopefully your way works better than my way, but I need Adstus to get us through the tough times ahead, one way or another-”

“Max, what are you talking about? What tough times?” My fiance asked, her eyes wide.

I grimaced. “There’s darkness on the path, Twilight, and it’s gonna get real foggy, but I can’t tell you much more than that. It’s not that I’m trying to hide something from you, I literally can’t tell you, kinda like how I couldn’t tell you about God when I died in Fluttershy’s cabin. You remember that, right?”

“Yeah… I remember, but are you sure you can’t just let me and the girls handle it? I mean, we’ve come through on so many different occasions-”

“And so have I, my love, but I don’t think your way is going to stave off the darkness this time.” I gave her a sad smile.

“If… If you say so, I guess. What kind of ponies are you going to be bringing?”

“The best of the best and the weirdest of the weird.” I said.

“...That’s a strange combination.” Twilight said uneasily.

I shrugged. “It’s a good one. I know a couple of them are going to be guards from Canterlot, but other than that, I can’t promise that you’ll know anyone.”

Twilight brightened up. “Well, if you’re not just collecting a bunch of Operatives, I guess that’s okay.”

I traded a look with Crimson and I asked, “What’s that supposed to mean? You realize Crimson and I are both Operatives, right?”

She lit up bright red and sputtered for a moment. “I-I didn’t mean that how it came out! I’m just saying that Operatives have a reputation for attracting and being trouble... “ She offered me a weak smile.

Crimson raised a brow at me. “How many Operatives are we going to have on this team?”

I looked off to the side and counted. “Technically? Including you, ‘Her’, and myself, there will technically be five.”

Twilight choked on her own saliva, so I went over and rubbed her back. “Max! That’s so many Operatives!”

Crimson nodded. “I have to agree. One Operative, one mission, friend. That’s how it’s always been unless we’re training.”

I looked him dead in the eyes and said, “I’ll explain why that isn’t the case here if you need me to, but I want you to trust me when I say that we’re all going to be playing a part and that we might end up in a straight up war.”

Twilight hacked and coughed harder. “War!?”

I looked at her strangely. “Twilight, you already knew about that.”

“I did not!” She looked at me, scared.

Shite, looks like Discord aid her a visit while I was gone. “Well you know now.” I sighed. “That’s why the Elements might not be able to handle this. It’s not just a single entity you’re going to have to beat. I’m going to do my best to keep everyone safe and sound on a diplomatic front, but that’s mostly Celestia and Luna’s problem. Trust me when I say that you’ll have your part, Twilight, it’s just that mine is a lot clearer and a lot less pleasant to look at.”

Crimson sighed. “I should’ve asked what I was getting into before I agreed.”

“You really should’ve, but fuck you for a fool, yeah?” I smirked at him.

He flipped me off and I flipped him off my way, rubbing his long, hard middle finger into the soft, tender flesh between my fingers. It probably didn’t help that I licked my lips and winked at him. “You’re a weird guy, you know that, Max?”

“Shh, you’ll wake the blunglesnorps.” I hushed.

Twilight grabbed my arm. “Max, don’t just go off on some weird tangent! You’re gearing up for war and you want me to sit by and do nothing!”

I glared at her. “No, I want you to stay with the Elements and get ready to petrify, purify, or disappear some shit when the time comes. If I can have you safe and sound until you need to be in danger, then I won’t have to worry about tearing apart the fool who messed with you in the first place.”

“That’s not going to happen!” She held up her ring. “If you’re going into war, then I’ll be right beside you the whole way, no matter what and there’s nothing that will change my mind on that!”

“Look, I don’t know how immortal you are, but we already know I come back if I get stabbed-”

“I don’t.” Crimson interjected.

“Shut up, mortal. As I was saying, there are lives I’m willing to risk and yours isn’t one of them. Hell, you remember the time you killed that Manticore on the way to deal with that Ursa Major?” She nodded slowly. “You don’t have the stomach to kill things, Twilight. Crimson and I end lives, and that’s the kind of people I need on my team. Semi-sane people with fewer morals that still have good ones who just so happen to have certain skills that I need to get us by.”

“Max…” Twilight said, dejected.

I kissed her horn lightly. “Look, this should be proof better than any that I love you above all others. I just can’t afford to lose you, Twilight, and you know I’m not in any real danger since I’m so damn immortal. I just need you to be safe until I can beat back this evil into submission. You have faith in me, right?” She nodded, sniffing. “Then believe that I’ll be okay and that I’ll bring my squad out of this. Besides, we don’t even know when shit’s going to hit the fan, so don’t think this is all going to happen tomorrow or something. We have time before the trouble starts, if my gut tells me right, so just breathe.”

“Okay…”

I turned to Crimson. “I know you have a lot of questions.”

He glanced over at Twilight. “They can wait.”

“I was hoping you would say that. How would you feel about working with Starshine again?”

Crimson groaned hard. “Oh come on! I’ve avoided that mare since I came back!”

“She’s not that bad, mate. She’s just weird.” I replied.

“That’s because she’s not your ex! She turned me gay!” Crimson whined like a lil’ bitch.

“Then tuck it between your legs and pretend like you’re a lady and she might just leave you alone.” I suggested.

“Max! That’s not nice!” Twilight protested.

I sighed. “I’m sorry, that was insensitive. What I really meant to say was just tell her to leave you alone. Have you tried that?”

“...Shut up.” Crimson muttered.

I gave him a look. “So she made you gay, but you haven’t told her?”

“Well, I just couldn’t stand to be with her anymore and I was bisexual anyway.”

“If she’s going to be an issue, I can arrange for us to get another medic.” I said.

Crimson shook his head. “If that’s the role she’s going to fill, then I think we’ll be fine. Just don’t have her do the thing she likes and we’ll all be fine.”

“Shit, I’m actually going to need some of her white stuff if you know what I mean. I have a plan for it.”

“You mean the ‘Special Sauce’?” He asked.

I nodded. “It’s why I’m working with so many Operatives. We need to get it distributed into enemy ranks if it ever comes to it.”

“What are you two talking about?” Twilight asked.

I leaned down and gave her a kiss that she returned a little hesitantly. “Nothing that you want to hear about, Cherry. Trust me.”

“I think I might just go home or something. Will I see you tonight?”

“I’m slated to do some more hunting with Nashoba tonight, but if you’d like to talk to the guy I’m going to assign as your bodyguard while I do, you’re welcome to do it.”

“You want Crimson to be my guard?” Twilight asked. “What for?”

“When I go into the Everfree, I need something for him to do. Security detail sounds a lot more pleasant if you treat it as getting to know each other.” I said pleasantly.

Crimson snorted. “You’re lucky you’re you, Max.”

I may have forgotten that you hate Twilight. “Oh yeah… You wouldn’t say that if you knew how Luna trained me, but think whatever you want, mate. I have another mission for you if you don’t want to get to know my blessed bun-bun better.”

Twilight blushed. “Blessed bun-bun?”

“I needed something for the alliteration purposes.” Twilight stood up and gave me a hug. “I’ll probably see you later today if you’re not doing anything.”

“I’m not too busy today, but if you don’t make it over, I’ll understand. I love you.” She gave me a peck.

“I love you.” I replied, giving her another little peck.

Twilight waved Crimson goodbye and walked out out of the room before teleporting out because she knows I don’t like it when people just pop out whenever the fuck they feel like it. Shit bothers me. I looked at Crimson and asked, “So what do you need to know? I don’t have all the details myself, but I’ll answer what I can.”

“First of all, who is ‘Her’?” He asked.

“‘Her’ is Pinkie Pie’s codename that we’ll be using for the Princesses sake. They don’t need to know that one of the Elements of Harmony has probably killed as many if not more people than I have, and I’m sure Pinkie doesn’t want anyone to know that either. The only reason I’m telling you is because you’re the Captain and you need to know what’s going on.”

“...Did you seriously recruit that insane mare?” Crimson asked in disbelief.

“She’s more dangerous than either of us, Crimson.” I walked over to the door and knocked on it twice. “Pinkie? Are you available for a quick chat?” I stepped back and waited.

Crimson was looking at me like I was crazy until Pinkie came through wearing ninja clothes that were generally ruined by the bright pink of her hair. “All you ever have to do is ask, Max! I’m getting that list you asked put together as we speak!”

“Lovely. Pinkie, meet the Captain of Adstus, Crimson Tide.”

She bounced over and shook his hand. “Hiya Crimson!”

“...We’ve met. We met last night, actually.”

Pinkie’s hair went flat. “We’ve met, but we haven’t. When you’re dealing with me, you need to know that there are multiple facets of Pinkie that you’ll be dealing with, but you have time to learn.” She looked to me. “So what are we doing here, Max?”

“We’re answering questions since I think you can fill in the blanks better than I can. I’m sure Crimson’s first one is going to be directed towards both of us or something of the sort.” I replied.

Crimson stared blankly for a moment at Pinkie’s change in tone and posture. “Uh… Yeah, so what kind of war are we fighting here? There hasn’t been a major war on Equus for hundreds of years.”

Pinkamena nodded. “That’s right. We’re long overdue and this one’s going to be the biggest one. Period.”

I mimicked her. “Shit’s looking bad. Can we speak freely?” I asked Pinkamena.

She pulled out a pocket watch and pressed the button on it. “We have seven and counting. Get it explained fast and be vague when we’re through.”

“Right. So we’re up a thing called a Draconequus named Discord. He’s a god, which is basically a being that’s far more powerful than anything else on this planet, and his power straight up dwarfs Celestia and Luna’s. Not even all of the Equestria Royalty together stands a chance against him as we are now, and he’s the one orchestrating this war. Discord can do what he wants, when he wants, how he wants, and no one knows why the world war hasn’t started yet, but we do know that he’ll start when he thinks it’s ready-”

Pinkamena cut in. “I found out why he’s waiting. Discord isn’t going to start until Equestria can actually do a damned thing against him, but we’re on a time crunch like no other. He’s not opposed to bowling us over like pins, but for the most part, he’ll hold his peace until Celestia mounts a real force against him.”

“Terrifying.” I said grimly. “In any case, the Great Bastard only has one weakness: Me. I have Alicorn Magic as you know, but I can’t use it yet, and until I can, we’re either going to win this war after so much fucking bloodshed or we’re all going to be prisoners and the Reign of Discord is going to start all over again on the bodies of hundreds of thousands until the Elements of Harmony make him stay put. Currently, he has all of them except Pinkie under a spell that won’t let anyone tell them he’s evil, which is why Twilight doesn’t know any of this and is why you can’t even bring it up to her without her spacing out and forgetting about five minutes worth of conversation. Basically, we need to be ready for this war, and I’m putting Adstus together to get ready for it. Pinkie’s our main source of intel, so if you have questions, ask her in private if I can’t answer them. Do you have any questions for me now?”

Pinkamena checked the watch. “Three minutes, forty-four seconds left.”

Crimson rubbed his temples. “Alright. Discord. World War. You’re our only hope. What kind of magic do you have that lets you take on something stronger than Celestia?”

“True Theft. I don’t know how I’m supposed to use it against him and I don’t quite know how to use it yet, but we know that it can take him down.” I said quickly.

“Do you really think a small squad is going to do anything against this Discord? If he’s as powerful as your say, aren’t we fighting a losing battle?”

Pinkamena and I nodded. “Yup.” We replied.

“So we’re all royally bucked, but it’s up to Adstus to save the world?”

“Basically.” I said.

“Tough sell here, Max. Nopony is going to want to fight after hearing this.”

Pinkamena shrugged. “Then we keep it on a need to know. You might be the only pony who needs to know the scale of the war on the team. You’re an Operative in this just like I am: we keep secrets, Crimson, and this is the biggest one in Equestria right now.”

He shook his head. “Holy buck… So what’s the game plan? How do you plan on using your power to take him down, or rather, how do you plan on learning how to use it?”

“The plan is to go into the Everfree and go insane for a little bit in order to learn how to get good at True Theft. Pinkamena, time?” I asked.

“One and counting. Hurry it up if you have questions.” She urged.

“Right. Uh… Hay, how many ponies know about this?” Crimson asked.

“The people in this room, Celestia, Luna, Cadance.” I answered.

“I don’t think I have any questions about The War left.”

Pinkamena flipped the pocket watch closed and her hair poofed back up. “Okie dokie loki!”

Crimson stared at her, so I coughed to get his attention. “Questions about Adstus?”

He shook his head to clear it. “Right. Who all is in it?”

I started rattling off names. “Myself, Nashoba, You, Pinkie, Starshine, an Operative named Crystal Shade if she’s interested-”

“I know Shade. She’ll be interested.” Crimson said, nodding. There's something you're not saying, but okay.

I continued. “A guy named Swift Strike is also going to be a possible and I’m going to look at the crew I worked with in Canterlot to see if we can whip someone into shape well enough to turn them into a lethal killer.”

“And?” He asked. “Don't tell me that you didn’t prepare for this further than what you’ve said so far.”

“I’m getting the team put together based off of skill and mental fortitude, Crimson. Princess Luna is already helping me get training equipment and will likely provide us with the weaponry we need. We’re just looking for one more person to fill out the battle team, the Praelia, so we can do more than just Operative type missions. I’ve put some real though into this, mate, but the only thing I haven’t been on top of is getting the living situation sorted out, but even then, I have enough space in my house to get all five people who are going to be living here settled in.”

Pinkie started counting on her fingers. “I’m not one of those ponies, right?”

“You are not. You live in town anyways, so you’re not terribly far off.” I replied.

“Just wondering!” Pinkie smiled for no real reason.

I tilted my head towards her and looked to Crimson. “So we should get Starshine, Shade, and Swift when I come back from the Everfree once I’m done with my training-”

“Wait, why are you going into the Everfree again?” Crimson interjected.

“So I can slowly go insane and come back from the brink of said insanity. Why else would I go?” I asked.

He stared at me and Pinkie stared at him for reasons, I guess. “Max, you heard about the plant that was digesting me for a year and a half, right?” Crimson asked.

“Yes, you told me about that. Unlike you, the Everfree respects my ability to place its inhabitants on their arses, and where I’m going, I’m unlikely to be bothered by anything anyway. I have the Guardian of the Forest, the Matron, looking out for me, so I have little to fear. I’m sorry you nearly got eaten, but you’re not me, mate.”

Crimson spread his hands. “First you want to put together a team of trained killers and now you want to train them in the Everfree? Are you already insane?”

“To your first question: No, I’m not training Adstus in the Everfree, nor do I currently have plans to. To your second question: If I was, I wouldn’t be going into that murder forest in the first place.” I checked my nails.

Pinkie nudged my ribs. “You know you aren’t that far off from being crazy!” She gave me a sly smile.

“Being close and being there are two different things. If you’d just tell me how to fuck around with timey-wimey and transdimensional theory, I probably wouldn’t have to go anyway.” I sniffed.

“Aww, Maxxy, you know I can’t do that! I’d get smited and that’s just not in my agenda for the next hundred years!” She hugged me. “Sorry!”

I patted her head. “Yeah, I get it. Everything that defies the laws of nature can’t really explain how they defy the laws of nature.”

Crimson raised his hand. “Alright, you guys are both crazy. Bucking insane, actually, and I really hope you don’t intend on taking me into the Everfree with you.”

I shook my head and Pinkie let me go. “Not a chance, Crimson. I wouldn’t ask you to go in there now, and I couldn’t really ask you to go in there with me since it’s something I have to do alone. I have something I want you to do while I’m out of town, however, how long you want to spend on it is up to you.”

“What’s the job?” He asked warily.

“Ponyville has picked up some less than reputable people while I was gone and I haven’t had a chance to see if they’re trying to start something big, or if they’re just small-time, small-town swindlers and the like. There’s a gang of Donkeys that like to start shit in the daylight, but from what I’ve seen of them so far, they’re a bunch of cowards, so I want you to see if someone’s pulling the strings with them.” I requested.

“So I’m just cleaning up around town?” Crimson asked, pulling a face.

“You’re keeping the base of a Prince and a Princess of Equestria safe and sound. I don’t want my sanctuary, my home, to start heading down some dark route because I didn’t clip the rotten branches off quickly enough. Equestria might be a safe enough place in general, but where there’s power, there’s corruption, and I’m apparently the first Prince Equestria’s ever had with any real amount of power. There will be a time when something stupid or ignoble comes here since Twilight and I live here, but we can stave off the worst of the problems by nipping them in the bud.”

Crimson sighed. “I guess you won’t be sending me off to do anything terribly exciting for awhile.”

I shook my head. “Sorry, mate, but I just don’t need you to be the international badass you are right now.”

His ear flicked at the compliment and he thumbed his nose. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to do some normal stuff every once in awhile. When do you want me to get started?”

“When you find yourself without something to do. If you can find anyone selling poppy derivatives or opiates in general, I want you to take them out-” I started.

“Ooh! Ooh! What about salt!?” Pinkie asked. “Manganese Salt is coming around in the bad part of town!”

Crimson and I looked to her, then back at each other. “Yeah, if you wanna deal with any salt problems, feel free.”

He nodded, smirking. “Will do. Where there’s salt, there’s usually a ring leader. This might actually turn out to be an interesting gig.”

I snorted. “Adrenaline junkie.”

Pinkie waved a hand, so I pointed at her. “Do you need me for anything else, or can I go back to super secret spy stuff?”

“Secret spy stuff you may do.” I replied.

She went to throw a smoke bomb, but I caught her arm. “Do you know how much of a bitch it’d be to clean that up? And then airing this room out would take forever!”

Pinkie huffed and rolled her eyes at me. She just walked out of the door, shutting it behind her instead of doing stupid shit in a poorly ventilated place, though I suppose it is Pinkie we’re talking about. It would’ve been something to be expected of her. With her gone and little else that needed to be discussed, Crimson and I started going the housing arrangements, how much food we were going to have to stock, our timeframe for training, and general running-the-house type bullshit. It took a few hours for us to cover just about all of the bases we could think of, though the main thing now was that Crimson still had a Seal from Cadance marking him as one of hers and a Seal from Luna that did the same. I asked if he wanted a knife or some sort of relatively easy to conceal weapon and he agreed to that since he preferred practical things anyway, so I wrote Twilight a note saying that I would be going to Canterlot with Crimson to get him a thing made and she wrote back that she wanted to see me before I went hunting with Nashoba later. I agreed and sent that note off before Shadow Diving Crimson and myself to Canterlot.

I had no idea where we could get a decent knife made, so I asked Crimson if he just wanted to stop by the armory or have something custom done and he said that he would pay for his own blade since he’d wanted one ever since he’d started as an Operative. He even knew of the shop he wanted to get it from, so I followed him to the artisan quarters and I noticed that we were coming near a familiar looking place that was right across the street from Fancy’s preferred smoke shop. It had a variety of tools on the sign, which made me realize that this was the shop of the woman who’d made my pocket watch and pipe. I never did catch her name, though I suppose I’d be rectifying that now.

We walked inside, and just like last time there was no one at the counter. Crimson came up to it and knocked on the dark wood four times in a peculiar pattern and I could hear something heavy fall from the back of the shop and hooves quickly started in our direction. I wondered why the cream-colored woman had scorch marks all over her clothes when she came from the back of the shop, but I figured she was a smith or something and she probably made more than just luxury goods. When she looked at me I waved my greeting, but she let her eyes settle on Crimson.

“Just what the buck are you doing here?” She snapped.

“I’m here for my bucking knife, you jackass.” Crimson shot back.

She smirked. “I really thought you forgot about it. Been close to three years since you commissioned the damned thing.”

Crimson rolled his eyes. “I’m sure there’s stuff you’ve been holding onto for longer. How’ve you been, Cream?”

Cream glared at him. “It’s Coffee to you, ass.”

“Go buck yourself and grab my stuff, will you? I might have all day, but I don’t want to spend it with your grouchy self.”

‘Coffee’ snorted and looked at me. “You’re familiar. Have I met you before?”

I pulled out my pocket watch. “Yeah. I came in a few years ago and asked if you made this and a pipe. You told me that you’re the only person you know of that uses a Timber Wolf motif.”

“Huh. I don’t make much of that shit anymore.” Coffee said flatly.

“That’s what you said the last time, and yet here we are. I’m assuming you have Crimson’s blade?” I asked.

She frowned “Buck you.”

Crimson coughed. “I’d be careful about what you say to one of Equestria’s Princes.”

Coffee Cream looked at him and back to me. “Seriously?”

I flashed her the Signet Ring. “Seriously. Don’t worry about it too hard right now.”

“Trust me, I won’t. Don’t touch anything while I’m gone.”

She walked off into the back of the shop and I raised a brow at Crimson. He just shrugged, giving off a vibe of ‘Whatcha gonna do?’. I didn’t answer that, so we just stood in silence for a minute until Coffee Cream came back with a medium sized knife wrapped in a dark cloth. She unwrapped the package and showed off Crimson’s blade rather proudly, smirking at the obvious approval on our face. The blade itself was a nice ladder-patterned Damascus and was made into the shape of a tanto. It wasn’t terribly long, nor was it terribly short, though I’d say it was somewhere between Nacht and the Warbling blade, so maybe about twenty centimeters. All in all, it was a pretty piece that I didn’t doubt was good for more than just show.

“Good work, as I would expect.” Crimson said after holding his knife and inspecting it.

“Looks good and doesn’t seem too heavy. A good stabby stick if you ask me.” I put my hand on my own trusty blade.

“Good?” Coffee snapped. “I don’t make ‘good’.”

I stared her down. “You’re getting good or great. If you want praise, you’re going to have to be less of a fucking twat.”

She mumbled something under her breath that would’ve gotten her arrested if I was Prick Blueballs, but I’m not, so I just said, “I’ll probably come back and have you make shit for the rest of my team. So far, you’re the best craftswoman I’ve come across, so take that and run with it.”

“Tch. I only do commissions for Operatives and the occasional guard. You’re gonna have to pay through your stupid little nose if you want something from me.” Coffee said irritably.

“Look bitch,” I whipped out the Warbling Blade. “I am an Operative, or at least I was before I became a Prince. Keep it up and I’ll stab you in the tit.”

She snorted. “That’s not very Prince-like.”

“I’m not very patient with hostile people.” I replied coldly.

Coffee smirked at me. “I guess you could be worse. Yeah, I’ll make stuff for you, but it s going to cost you. That knife,” She tilted her head toward Crimson who was testing it’s sharpness, “ran him about a hundred and fifty bits. I don’t know how much you want me to make, but I’ll consider giving you a discount if it’s more than just a couple things.”

I nodded. “I’ll need at least four more knives to outfit my team. I myself don’t need another one, but I’d like my team to have the best shit they can get.”

“I don’t make ‘shit’.” Her lip curled.

I rolled my eyes. “Everything is shit. You make some of the best shit. Deal with it.”

“Crimson, are you sure this guy’s a Prince?” She asked.

He shrugged. “He’s got the ring, doesn’t he?”

Coffee sighed. “I guess he does.” She looked at me. “Let me know what you want and when you want it. The amount of time you give me and the materials are going to alter the price, however.”

“It’ll be about a month before I come back and start getting that stuff figured out, but we can go over the materials now to get it out of the way if you want.” I offered.

She shook her head. “We can do it in a month. You know where I work.”

I nodded and looked to Crimson. “Do you have a sheath for that thing?”

He looked at Coffee who went back into the work area of her shop and came out with a pretty black number that had some rather plain silver embellishments on it. They fit the look of the blade pretty well, though it would’ve been a great show of skill if she could’ve done them in Damascus too. Before Crimson sheathed his blade, I asked him if he wanted to bear my seal on it and he asked what mine looked like, so I unbuttoned the top few on my shirt and showed him the seal on my breast. Coffee let her eyes linger a little longer than I thought they needed to, but then again, I make all the ladies randy, baby. Crimson handed over his tanto and I put the same Seal on it that I’d placed on Pinkie’s, and without any need to delay further, I asked Coffee if Crimson and I could borrow a closet for a moment and she begrudgingly said yes, though she asked why. I told her that we were leaving and she looked like I was out of my fucking mind, but she still let us use the one in the front of the shop. Crimson asked why we needed a closet to teleport and I let him out to show him my room, surprising the fuck out of him. To explain since I don’t think I have before, if it’s dark in an area in general, then Shadow Diving doesn’t work like it usually does since you just transpose yourself without needing any momentum. It’s basically teleportation, but it still needs to be dark to do it, of course.

Once we got downstairs and ate lunch, I asked Crimson if he wanted a tour around town. He clearly didn’t want one, so I told him to explore on his own and that I’d leave the door unlocked for him so he could get in without having to climb to the second story or break a window. The bastard threatened to break one anyway and I threatened to break his spine if he started fucking with my house. My point was clear and needed no repeating, so Crimson and I headed into town together and split up at Twilight’s house, though when I knocked on her door, I didn’t hear anyone coming to answer it. I thought that was a little odd since Twilight or Spike were usually in the library doing something, so I let myself in and walked around, listening for a heartbeat or anything of the sort. I couldn’t hear anyone other than Owlowiscious, so I asked him if he knew where Twilight and Spike went. He just shuffled his plumage and said that no one told him anything.

Twilight not being where she said she’d be would’ve annoyed me a little if I didn’t have a magic necklace that told me how to get to her at all times. It’s not like I would’ve stayed annoyed for very long, but still. I took the little charm in my hand and followed the purple trail out of the library and through the town towards Ponyville Park, taking my time since I really wasn’t in a rush to go anywhere. As I was walking, I noticed that there weren’t really all that people on the street and that worried me a little bit until I started hearing some acapella group singing. I assumed that this was the reason everyone was off of the streets, and I was proven correct when I saw the crowd formed around one of the gazebos. There was a good number of people tuning in for the show, but the thing that surprised me the most was that Macintosh and Rarity were two of the four people on stage. I’d thought Rarity’s singing voice sounded familiar, but Macintosh’s (I assumed he was the bass) didn’t sound quite like him. That made me a bit interested, so I came a little closer and found myself at the back of the crowd. Thankfully, I’m taller than most Ponies so I was able to see that Macintosh wasn’t singing. Rather, he was, but I doubted that the voice that we were hearing was his since his lips didn’t sync up quite right with the lyrics. He often closed his mouth just before a note should have ended or right before one began, and it didn’t help that he looked uncomfortable as fuck.

With my curiosity piqued, I meandered around the crowd as the quartet began another song and let myself into the backstage area. There was only one person back there while the group was on stage, and that’s all I needed to figure out that she was the one providing the actual bass in the songs. Fucking Fluttershy of all people was singing with a voice a little deeper than Macintosh’s own and that tickled me to no end, so I sat back and enjoyed the overly cheery music for a little while until the group finished their set. The girls and Twilight passed me on their way backstage, but no one noticed me since I wasn’t really doing anything other that staying quiet and chilling in one of the corners of the octagonal structure. When the quartet came backstage, everyone complimented Fluttershy on singing with the group so well, despite not having much practice. I would’ve done it too, but I didn’t want to stress her out or anything, so I slipped away and waited for Twilight for a few minutes.

She and Fluttershy were the last ones to get out besides the actual quartet, so I joined them silently, walking a few feet behind them as they talked. They weren’t being terribly secretive about Fluttershy being Macintosh’s ghost voice or whatever, so I faked a loud sneeze that was followed by a real one that I hadn't felt coming on and they froze in place, staring at me.

I waved. “Hullo Poppet, Cherry.”

They waved back.

“Lovely evening for a stroll, isn’t it? Or a good show. Whichever.”

Twilight chuckled nervously, her eyes flickering towards Fluttershy. “Right. So, uh… How long have you been behind us?”

I grinned. “Oh, I was backstage on the gazebo with you for awhile.”

Fluttershy paled. “M-Max, I-I-”

I waved her worries aside. “Don’t worry about it, Flutters. I’m not going to rat you out or anything, but your voice is pleasant enough to sing on your own. I recommend adding your natural voice to the group, but if you want to provide a voice for Macintosh to lip sync over, that’s your choice.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you Max. It’s just that I don’t like crowds…”

I shrugged. “I get it. You don’t have to explain anything to me, Poppet. But you can buy my silence with a small favour.”

Fluttershy and Twilight traded a look. “What kind of favour?” They chorused.

“A platonic one that involves me borrowing my fiance for some cuddling.”

Fluttershy looked a little disappointed. “Oh… I suppose I wouldn’t mind.”

“I’m not saying you have to surrender her to me now, Flutters. I just want her sometime before nightfall.” I clarified.

She brightened up a bit and smiled. “Thank you. I never do get to spend much time with Twilight.”

My fiance blushed. “All you ever have to do is ask, Fluttershy. I don’t have to spend every waking moment with Max.”

I sighed. “Sadly that’s true. No matter how great and amazing I am, Twilight never wants to be around me that long.”

She threw me a womanly look. “The more amazing you say you are, the less I think you really happen to be.”

I shrugged. “What am I gonna do about your thoughts? Prove you wrong with kisses?”

Twilight pretended to think about that. “I’d welcome you to try if you really thing you could.”

Fluttershy giggled. “I think he could.”

“And that theory is something we’ll test another time.” I grinned. “I’ll see you two later, yeah?”

They nodded and bid me farewell for the time being, so I went back home and grabbed the first draft for A Star-Crossed Love and a pen before heading back into town. I could’ve just dived there and back, but I didn’t want to get lazy like some Princesses I know, thus I hoofed it, so to speak, back to the Treebrary. I let myself in again because who was going to fucking stop me, looking around for a good place to sit and write for a little bit. I decided that the couch would be perfectly fine since that was probably where Twilight and I were going to end up anyway and got to work. I actually skimmed through the book for a few minutes to see if I’d left any plot holes that needed to be tied up, and when I saw that I was good for the most part, I wrote like Twilight was going to beat me with a stick for not finishing it sooner.

Speaking of finishing it, I actually managed to do that before Twilight got back. I actually took the time to read it properly this time around and found that I’m fucking good at what I do. The romance scenes were nice and sappy, the occasional action scenes were brief and well reasoned for the characters, and the sex was hot and well written. Hell, it’d been so long since I really gave my books a read that I ended up borrowing the copies I’d given to Twilight and read them for myself. I had to start with A Single Moment all over again and I was alright with the first few chapters. I mean, I didn’t feel like it was my best work, but it was decent enough for me to not hate or want to rewrite it, so I continued onward, and when Twilight came back with Spike, she was surprised to find that I was reading my own work.

When Twilight had a seat next to me, I passed her the blank book I’d brought with me along with the first draft of A Star-Crossed Love. If you saw the ways her eyes lit up when I told her it was finally done, I believe anyone’s heart would’ve melted. To see someone so excited to read your work was always nice, but coming from Twilight, it was even better. I know harlequin romance isn’t really her thing, but still, I think my writing style really grew on her over the years. That, and I hadn't touched the series in so long that she may have lost hope that I’d ever finish it. With a red pen in hand, Twilight started reading my newest works and I kept on with my first published book. My editor slash fiance occasionally asked what point I was trying to get across when she came upon an unfamiliar phrase, but other than that, she said that A Star-Crossed Love was turning out to be the best yet. I told her to wait until the end to say anything about the story but she ignored me, and over the course of the four hours it took her to read it, she basically said the same thing until my main character was exiled from the fictional country they lived in and the main love interest was arrested for a crime he didn't commit. Twilight closed the book when she read the last page and hit me with it a few times, each swing smarting pretty well.

After a torrent of questions about how I could end such a romantic series on such a terrible note, I told her that it was how it was supposed to end all along, and that I’d reminded her multiple times over the years that it was a tragic romance, not just a normal feel-good kind of book. Twilight looked like she was about to cry when I told her that I wasn’t just messing with her, which made me ask what the fuck she’d been expecting with a title like A Star-Crossed Love. Seriously, Twilight knew what ‘star-crossed’ meant, and one would think that I’m a slippery enough bastard to make a story that ends in a way that leaves a few questions unanswered. She was still upset with me until I told her that I hadn't written the epilogue yet, which got me beaten with the book again for letting her think that it was over and done in such a terrible way.

I didn’t tell her that the epilogue was tragic too, but I took the book from her before she could copy it and picked the story up about twenty years after the ending. From there, I carried on and had the main love interest be freed from his imprisonment and sail the seas to find his long lost love, only to find out that she’d been just about everywhere. He searched and searched for her, using his copy of the compass that allowed them to find each other no matter what, but when he found the current owner of the compass, it was a young stallion who looked an awful lot like him. They sat down and talked for a while, trading stories from their lives until the younger stallion let it slip that his mother had passed away a few months ago and that she’d been waiting for his father to find them ever since she’d had to leave her home country. The main love interest accepts the sobering news as best he can, but he’s still heartbroken over the loss of his one true love, though his son comforts him and tells him that his mother had stayed true to him for twenty years, though that only makes the wound ache a little harder. From there, the father and son duo go to visit the main characters grave and more tears are shed, but in the end, they find solace in knowing that they still have each other to lean on, even if they’re complete strangers.

I personally thought it was a nicer way to end the story, but Twilight ended up crying by the time she was done reading over my shoulder, asking how I could be so cruel as to get her hopes up like that. I reiterated that it was a tragedy, and once Twilight calmed down, I told her that nothing of the sort would ever happen to us since the characters weren’t really all that similar to either of us, nor were they immortal. I still got hit for making Twilight edit something so sad, but I maintained that I’d given her due warning and asked if the sweet and spicy bits of the series made the pungent bitterness stand out more than usual. She didn't reply to that for awhile and ended up saving her place in the book about halfway through, telling me that she was going to bed. I actually felt pretty terrible at that point, but that was how I wanted to end the series. Still, I gave her a hug, a kiss, and an apology for bumming her out before heading off towards Fluttershy’s to go pick up Nashoba for a night in the Everfree.

Nashoba was waiting at the Gathering Tree for me when I got there, and so was Fluttershy’s actual pet, Angel the Bunny. For some odd reason, Angel was a Zgon that couldn’t speak to Two-Legs other than Fluttershy, which made no sense. He could still communicate pretty well by pointing with his paws or nudging things he wanted with his nose. It was an odd method, but it usually got his point across, one way or another. Maybe he just didn’t like talking to Two-Legs? Maybe he’s just a little shit? Speaking of, that reminds me of the time I stopped by Fluttershy’s and saw Angel hopping on, biting, and scratching Krel until the larger creature got sick of his nonsense. I learned that bears occasionally do wipe their arses.

Anecdotes of humorous shit aside, Nashoba told Angel to fuck off in those exact words and trotted over to greet me. “Hello, Max. Are you ready to make things more dead and less alive?”

I gave her a grin. “Always. What are we hunting tonight?”

“Since it’s troublesome for you to ‘clean’ and cook larger prey, I figured we could find a cockatrice. I’m sure you can find a way to make one of those tastier.”

“I know just the place to go looking for them, too. Can we take a side trip to the Old Castle?” I asked.

“We can, but I refuse to step on the grounds. That places is haunted from snout to tail by just about every spirit there is, and there has been tell of something new and powerful rising from the Everfree to claim it as its own.” Nashoba warned.

“Shite. It’s technically on my turf as a Two-Leg, so I’ve gotta take care of it one way or another.” I sighed. “I guess I can do that after we bag our kill.”

Nashoba snorted. “It would be unwise to face an opponent you know nothing about.”

“It wouldn’t be the stupidest thing I’ve done by a long shot. I know you remember the time you got stuck in Elfriede’s kennels.”

She shook herself like she was trying to get water out of her fur. “I remember all too well. Those pesky mutts wanted to mount me! The lowly pets of some pumped up cat wanted to mount their goddess!”

I tried not to, but I ended up laughing anyway. “Fucking seriously!? Why didn’t you ever tell me about that?”

“Tch. I don’t like thinking about it. I had to tear one of them to pieces because of his sheer persistence in irritating me.”

“In your defense, I probably would have done something similar. Is there anything else terribly funny that you’d like to tell me about?” I smiled at her.

I didn’t know that wolves could give looks, but Nashoba pulled one off pretty well. “Shut up, Max. I’ll show you how to get to the Old Castle from here before we head deeper into the Everfree.”

“Wait, it’s not that far from here, is it?” I asked.

“No, only about four hours at your usual pace. Why do you ask?”

I groaned. “You remember I got stuck there for a month, right?”

She sat and licked her chops. “That is why I was so surprised it took you so long to come back. I figured you just kept going deeper into the forest and came out on the other side or something.”

“No, I made the Old Castle my base and spent about half of my daylight walking in different directions so I’d get back to town. I might have to have you lead me back there when I go for my training, but there isn’t a chance that I’ll get lost on the trip back home. this time. Hell, even if I do, I can Shadow Dive back home... “ I trailed off and Nashoba kept giving me that same look. “I could just Shadow Dive there. Huh.”

She shook her head. “How you managed to become a Prince is beyond me sometimes.”

“Shut up, you mangy mutt. Let’s get to murderizing, yeah?”

“Let’s.”

And so we started toward the Everfree. Luckily, the ground was a little damp as it always was, despite a general lack of rain in the past week or two. Then again, I’d been in Canterlot before I came back which was only a few days ago and I know for a fact that the weather changes depending on what the town’s needs are, so I guess it might’ve rained some time ago. Look at my retarded arse, talking about fucking weather.

I need to stop getting sidetracked so easily.

Anyway, Nashoba and I travelled through the dark, mostly unlit forest. Equestria’s moon cycle didn’t make much sense to me, but it didn’t matter much since the stars in the sky usually gave off enough light so that things weren’t pitch black unless you were inside. Still, I had to use my Night Vision while Nashoba and I stalked through the forest, and for once, I was the first to catch the familiar scent of chicken and reptiles on the air. I tapped Nashoba twice and she was instantly alert, trying to smell what I could, though I was pretty sure she had a better trace on the scent than I could ever have. With our target marked, we picked up the pace a little bit while trying to remain quiet. Nashoba managed a little better than I did, but honestly I think neither of us made much more that the odd rustle or two since both of our collective senses were just that well attuned.

While we were tracking down our prey, I sensed something following us, so I told Nashoba to hold up since I was sure that the scent wasn’t exactly going to fade. We still continued following, but we were going slower now, though the presence was still following at the same speed. It either hadn't noticed us slow down or it was trying to catch up in the first place, but either way, once it got within five meters of us, it snapped a branch underfoot, making Nashoba and whirl around ready to lunge, but when I saw who I was looking at, I was tempted to put my knife away.

The woman reminded me a bit of Brilliance in the way that she had elfish features, but instead of the sharp, angular jawline and the almond shaped eyes, the Dryad looked considerably more Human. Her ears weren’t as pointy as a normal Dryad’s and her dress didn’t seem to be made of normal leaves. Instead, it was made of five-pointed flowers that my Night Vision wouldn’t allow me to discern the color of. However, I didn’t really need to see the hues to know that the flowers looked an awful lot like Nightshade and that this was most likely a Dark Dryad, which explained why I‘d felt her from so far away. She wasn’t necessarily evil, but she was chock full of the Everfree’s magic in ways that I wasn’t sure of. Hell, I don’t know how I knew what I was feeling when she was behind us, but I had the sneaking suspicion that she was going to ruin tonight’s hunt, so I held a finger to my lips and gestured for her to come closer.

Nashoba sat down and watched closely as the woman came over, but then again, I’d barely taken my eyes off of her since she showed up. When she was about a meter away, she stopped and waved shyly.

With no reason to be rude, I waved back and spoke softly. “Hullo. Why are you following us?”

“I-I didn’t think you would notice.” She replied in the same hushed tone.

Nashoba snorted. “You nearly got killed by my companion for doing so. Next time, approach us from the front.”

The Dark Dryad nodded. “I-I will keep that in mind. Please do not kill me.”

“I wasn’t planning on it. Is there a reason you were following us, or was it just to have some company?” I asked.

The woman shuffled her feet and looked down. “I wished for company…”

“Will I die if I touch you?”

“N-No. You will if you eat one of my flowers, but you will not be harmed for touching me.”

I extended a hand. “I’m Max, in that case. This is Nashoba.”

“I know who you are.” She replied.

“Huh. Guess we must be famous.” I jested.

“We are.” Nashoba said casually. “All of the Zgon in the Everfree know of you for your brutality and most have come across your scent markers in one way or another.”

“Oh yeah… I forgot that I peed on trees when I lived at the Old Castle. Good times.” I sighed.

The Dark Dryad stood awkwardly and I dropped my hand. “...So… Would you like to follow us while we hunt or something?”

“If it’s no trouble.” She murmured.

I looked at Nashoba and she nodded. “Alright. Keep quiet for now and follow our lead.”

The woman looked pleased by that, so Nashoba and I picked up where we left off, but with the scent of Nightshade mixing in with the poultry and reptilian combination, it was much harder for me to get the scent and follow the trail. Nashoba had far fewer problems with it so I allowed her to lead and followed close behind. After about thirty minutes of tracking, we came up behind our mark, but we were quickly disappointed. A group of Goblin-esque creatures had already attacked the Cockatrice and were getting the better of it with each passing minute. They were making a terrible mess of something that would have been a quick kill if something competent had gone after it. However, even a filthy fucking Kobold would’ve managed better than these rubbish hunters. Bloody Hell, were they ever sucking it up.

Nashoba, the Dryad, and I stood and watched as the Cockatrice battled for its life against ten of the Goblin, and as it was fight, it ended over half of their number before it really showed any sign of slowing down, even with the crude spears sticking out of its body. I was preparing to end the fight for everyone involved when the Cockatrice let loose a blood-curdling screech that rendered the remain four Goblins immobile for a few seconds, but those few seconds were all it needed to start pecking holes in skulls and crush ribcages. It was a brutal affair that I’d expected from the Everfree, but even then, I’d thought that the Goblins were going to come out on top due to their numbers. When it was all said and done, the Cockatrice let loose a mighty cry of victory. That is, until a massive black Sheep came up from behind and bit it’s head off.

I looked at Nashoba and her tongue was hanging out of her mouth already. If Nashoba wasn’t a fucking Padfoot already, then the Sheep was it. Otherwise, we just have two really big black creatures that fit the bill. Either way, something was about to die and I was hoping for a nice rack of ribs tonight. Nashoba and I traded a look and she wasted no time in rushing in, but before she could lunge at the creature, it stopped her with a look. The larger creature stared Nashoba down and continued to eat the Cockatrice, so I came forth to stand next to my companion and watch the Sheep for myself. There really wasn’t anything remarkable about it aside from the eyes that seemed to glow from within their sockets, but I wasn’t too sure if this thing was going to try and fight us or it was just waiting for us to leave. I felt like we could still take it down, but Nashoba’s ears were twitching away as if she was waiting for it to give her some sort of verdict.

The Sheep eventually stopped eating away at its kill and addressed me. “You will not die.”

It’s deep, gravelly voice disturbed me a bit. “Thanks. I’m still not looking forward to when that day comes.”

It nodded and turned to Nashoba. “Wolfmother.”

“Yes, Padfoot?” She replied softly.

“I will not eat you. There is more prey in the forest. Continue your hunt away from here.”

Nashoba dipped her head and turned tail, whacking me with i so I would follow, though that shit still kinda hurt. Once we were out of earshot, I asked, “Did you really just get punked by a Sheep?”

“That ‘Sheep’ was Padfoot. I mistook her for one of the creatures that only looks like her.” Nashoba replied.

“So she’s an omen of death, yeah?”

“She’s the omen of death. As in we should have ran before we made eye contact.”

The Dryad spoke up. “In fairness, I’m an omen of death too.”

I sighed. “Great. I spend an hour in the Everfree and see two omens right off the bat. We’ve got a good start, pupper.”

Nashoba huffed. “I could’ve taken Padfoot alone, but to upset the balance is against my duties as Wolfmother.”

“You sure talk a big game now.” I replied drily.

“Shut up, Max.”

“Love you, my big ball of floof.” I said cheesily.

“Don’t make me eat you.” She grumbled.

I chuckled and we continued onward through the forest. After about fifteen minutes of trekking, Nashoba scented something and lead the way towards it with myself and the Dark Dryad in tow. The Dryad moved quietly enough for pretty much all intents and purposes, but Nashoba and I still asked her to wait behind a few feet as we came upon a familiar Goat-like thing that was grazing on some flowers I recognized from reading one of Twilight’s herbiaries when I got bored. I think the thing was eating Poison Joke, a plant that has ridiculous consequences when you eat or touch it, though I don’t know what it would do to me. I wasn’t feeling stupid enough to find out, so I sauntered up to the Goats left side, and once I was sure that I was in the effective range of my Psychokinesis, I gave Nashoba the go ahead. She looked at me like I was fucking crazy and tilted her head towards the Goat, telling me to take it instead. I shrugged and got a little close, just in case and wrapped my tentacle around its neck in a loose noose. When I’d prepared myself properly, I cinched it closed and lifted the Goat off of the ground at the same time, breaking its neck with a tooth jarring snap that assured me that I’d pulled off the maneuver correctly.

I dragged the Goat towards us after checking to see if there were any predators nearby and found that we were alone in this particular part of the forest. Nashoba said that the Goat would be fine to eat as long as we didn’t touch it’s stomach, but it wasn’t it’s stomach that I was aiming for anyway. The odd Goat thing had some magnificent horns that I wanted for knife making purposes. It was going to take a while to get them down to the correct shape, but it would be well worth it to me since I just liked horn handles. I’d had a few antler handled knives back in England, but I’d never been able to use them since they were little more than showpieces, however, I still liked them a lot. It had been a little heart-wrenching to have to sell them for some food, but survival is a lot more important than having nice things.

Nashoba offered to carry the Goat-thing back to my place and I told her that we could just take our time since I could carry it with Psychokinesis. Through some of my training with Luna, I’d gotten better with my Telekinesis too, but not as good as I had with the former. I could actually keep up a brisk pace with my Psychokinesis now, so Nashoba let me carry our kill for the first half of the journey and took it from me for the latter half. Since we didn’t have to be quiet anymore, I asked the Dark Dryad a few questions and learned a few interesting things.

Bella, as she was named by the Matron, has a fucking name for starters. Dark Dryads get names for asinine reasons, like being able to tell on each other if they start doing misdeeds, or to be picked out of the others when something gets poisoned or hurt by one of them. Now, Dark Dryads aren’t evil by nature, nor are they even necessarily grey, but they just get a bad reputation because of ridiculous bullshit that some of them have pulled in the past. Apparently, they’ve always been shunned, from conception to now, and some Dryads even hate them for no real reason. Racism is the main reason that Bella was so lonely and why she’d been so eager to get close to us, and I hated that someone as seemingly kind and genuine as her had to go through such discrimination for no other reason than being created as something different. Still, by the time Nashoba and I had gotten our kill back to my property, I’d managed to put a smile on Bella’s face, and that’s what mattered the most to me. I asked her to come to me if she had any trouble, but she declined my offer and stated that she was happy enough to just be left alone, which she was most days. Still, when she took her leave, I wished her well and hoped to see her again sometime.

When Bella was gone, Nashoba and I started the familiar process of cleaning, gutting, and dividing up the meat, I got two haunches and half of the ribs and she got the same, though I also welcomed her to the belly meat and my half of the neck meat. I still had plenty of venison left over from our last hunt in my deep freezer, and I needed to go check on the cured meats I’d set up in my shack, so I told Nashoba I’d be right back after getting one of my haunches cleaned, sliced, and spitted. My shed held the glorious scent of some proper salty jerky, though there wasn’t much of it in England. It was a bit of a rarer find since we Brits tended not to make much more that salt pork in our own homes, but I knew a few traditionalists that cured their own meat, and when I just down one of my hanging sacks, I took it inside and had Nashiba follow me so she could get a taste of the good stuff. After brushing off the majority of the leftover salt into my sink, I sliced the top layer off of the meat and gave it a try. To no one’s surprise, shit was saltier than your mother’s nether regions. I scrapped the rest of the outer layer into a bowl and tried some of the stuff that had been left inside and... Oh my… I’ll be right back.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I had to go get some more since my mind was overtaken by the deliciousness. I’d gotten addicted to jerky when I went hunting that one time while I was in America and making my own was absolutely beautiful. Nashoba hated it with a passion, so all of my cured meats were mine for the taking, and take did I ever. I devoted a whole piece of my salted venison to a pot of beans and herbs, and while that was cooking, I went back outside to keep an eye on my other meat. It was drying a bit more slowly than the venison had, but then again, the Goats meat was a little fattier. Still, I couldn’t wait to try some, so I took my ribs and haunch inside so I could finish getting those prepped and Nashoba stayed outside for a moment to finish off her meal.

I ended up making Goat steak and rubbed the ribs down with a few different herbs that smelled like they would go together well. I figured a little paprika and cayenne would give them a nice kick and that some rosemary wouldn’t do it any disservice. I was tempted to wrap some of it in weed and see if I could get Spike high through some fuckery, but I didn't want to ruin it since weed’s flavour is just too strong if you throw it in willy-nilly. Still, my Goat steaks turned out fantastic with the addition of a little salt and pepper, though I rather wished I had some worcestershire sauce to go along with it. Stupid ponies and their lack of condiments.

I saved some steak for Spike and kept about a kilo for curing, though I didn’t know how the meat would taste afterwards. It was a little like beef when I made it into a steak, but I could tell the difference well enough that I wouldn’t mistake the two anytime soon. I thought that was odd since I’d rarely been able to tell the difference between the two back on Earth (unless you count the price), but I think the Goat-thing tasted better than beef. Nashoba disagreed, but she was just a hungry little pup anyway and wouldn’t have turned it down even if it tasted a bit like cat meat. Now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve hunted down a Manticore since I’ve been away from the Everfree. I might have to go looking for one when I go back.

It was about seven or so in the morning when I finished cooking all of the meat inside, so I wrote Spike a note asking him if he’d like to come over to share my spoils. I got a speedy reply, though Twilight sent back a note telling me to stop feeding her brother random creatures. I told her that we’d talk about it when she came over and she flat out refused to come if my house still smelled like meat. I sighed and started wrapping up some of the meat I’d cooked in wax paper so I could take it to Spike myself. I left a note for Crimson, but right before I Shadow Dived out, Crimson tapped me on the shoulder and asked why the house smelled like burning flesh. I pointed him toward the skillet on the stove that still had a sizeable steak on it and he just looked at me like I was a lunatic before I explained that I was an omnivore and that I preferred meat as my main source of protein. That actually interested him a bit, so I told him that he could try some if he wanted, though I warned against going overboard, just in case it made him sick or something. I stuck around for his first bite, and when his eyebrows shot up, I could tell that he approved.

He stopped after a few more bites and asked if we had any flowers or vegetables in the house, but sadly, the only things I had were either pickled or had been removed during my latest extended absence. Crimson offered to go get some more groceries since he had nothing better to do, so I wrote him a check for a hundred bits and told him to stock up as well as he could within reason. Nashoba doubted that he’d be able to carry a hundred bits worth of groceries back in one trip and Crimson agreed with her, so I asked him to come along with me to Twilight’s. I could tell that he didn’t really want to, but I gave him a look that warded off any complaints and told him that the morning routine came before we went anywhere since we had to be presentable.

About forty-five minutes and two hundred push-ups later, we were both ready to be seen in public, though Crimson still grumbled about being told to go wash up like he was a child. I ignored his dark mutterings like he was a child since he wanted to act like one, though when we came into town, he ceased his faggotry. Well, I guess I shouldn’t say that since he’s gay and that’s a derogatory term towards gay people, but I never really considered most gay people to be faggots. Sure, fellows who ride unnecessarily loud motorcycles or drive around in American Mustangs are faggots, but most gay people I’d run into just didn’t fit the bill at all, though I suppose the variation my definition of the word and it’s general use as a slur would’ve only mattered to sensitive people in the first place. Shit, I rather doubted that Noir was going to come at me for a thought crime anyway, and barring Noir, no one knows what goes on up in this noggin of mine for sure. God, this is a long tangent. Next paragraph.

Spike answered the door and when he saw that I had a package in hand, his face lit up like I’d come over with a good looking floozy that lacked certain morals. Unfortunately, Twilight was behind him, glaring daggers at me from over his shoulder, so I assumed we were about to have a row and sighed. She asked Crimson if he would mind stepping inside with Spike for a moment and once he was in, she stepped out and I got ready for a talking to.

“Maximus, stop killing things needlessly.” Twilight said angrily.

I raised a brow. “I don’t. I kill things so I can eat them and get the proper amount of protein. It’s a lot easily and more efficient than eating eggs for two out of my three daily meals, and it smells a lot better than when I try to substitute beans.”

“Look, I get that you’re an omnivore and that you’re going to eat meat,” She pinched her nose and closed her eyes. “But Spike has gone his entire life without meat and he was just fine. Why can’t you at least try and do the same thing?”

I looked at her like she was stupid. “Why do you think I went hunting for the few months I lived in Equestria? I mean, honestly, a vegetarian diet might be fine for you Twilight, but it can kill me through deficiencies of various minerals and vitamins that Humans traditionally get from meat. Do you remember how thin I used to be?”

Twilight rolled her eyes at me. “And? Just because you were thin doesn’t mean you were unhealthy.”

“You could see my ribs, Twilight. That’s not something Humans typically take as a sign of being healthy. I know the answer to this question already, but have you even seen what a starving person looks like?”

“You weren’t starving, you ate everyday!” Twilight snapped.

I gave her a look. “There’s more to eating than just chewing and swallowing, Twilight. You need the proper nutrients to survive, and I just wasn’t getting them from the vegetarian diet I was on. One way or another, I would’ve had to find a way to get my hands on the proteins and amino acids I need to survive, and I’ve been sick of eggs since I got my house in the first place.”

She rolled her eyes again. “Max, that's pseudoscience at best-”

“Uh, sweetheart? Just because you don’t understand something doesn’t mean it’s not a fucking fact.”

Twilight colored and glared at me, but I cut her off. “Why are we even talking about my nature as an omnivore right now? The facts are that Spike has to eat some kind of protein, right? So what have you been feeding him to make up for it?”

“He eats eggs and beans.” Twilight huffed.

I waited for her to say something else, but she just looked away. “Alright. So have you ever noticed how weak Spike is?”

“Spike isn’t weak.” Twilight said in a low letha voice.

I leaned in. “Twilight, even at his angriest, Spike can’t do half of what a Dragon his age should be able to do. That's why the Dragons at the Migration tried to keep him and that’s why I say you’ve been keeping him weak and docile. Whether you want to face it or not, Spike isn’t getting what he needs.”

“I say he is!”

“He obviously isn’t. Maybe we should have Celestia weigh in on this.”

“She’ll just agree with you!”

I gave Twilight the blankest look I could conjure up. “Do you think that’s because she likes me or because I’m right? I know how much you hate being wrong Twilight, but you are in this case.”

She levelled a steely glare at me. “Fine. We’ll ask Celestia and Luna.”

An idea popped into my head. “Or we could ask an actual Dragon who was there at the Migration. Chumana is only a letter away.”

“So we’re either asking two of you personal friends or just one of them? Max, that’s stupid.” She spat.

“Then let’s go ask Celestia and Luna and you can cast your lie detecting spell.” I offered.

Twilight huffed and her horn glowed for a moment. I saw blank space for a second and the world reopened to the Court Hall, but luckily Celestia was in between cases at the moment. I gave her a wave and Twilight crossed her arms, not bothering with pleasantries.

“Hullo, Hun. How’s the morning been?” I asked politely.

“It’s been going well, though I see you’ve infuriated Twilight already.” Celestia replied cooly. “Is there something I can help two of my favourite ponies with?”

“Yes, actually. Can you please tell Max that Spike doesn't need to eat meat to be healthy?” Twilight asked peevishly.

Celestia blinked at her. “I can’t really tell anypony that in confidence, Twilight. Most Dragons I know are either purely carnivores or eat gems. Some may like the taste of certain crops more than others, but for the most part, Dragons can’t consume Pony foods en masse. I thought you knew that.”

Twilight colored and glared at me. “I told you she’d just agree with you!”

I raised a brow at her. “But did she lie?”

Twilight turned away from me and I looked at Celestia, pointing at my fiance. “I love her, you know.”

“Yes, I know that, Max.” Celestia said patiently.

“I’m loving you a little less.” Twilight said hotly.

“Twilight…” Celestia said gently.

I shrugged off the slight. “Angry words solve nothing. Thanks for your time, Celestia.”

“It was no problem, Max. Twilight, please, if there’s anything you need or want to talk about, you know I’m here for you.” Celestia touched her hand to her bosom.

Twilight lost a bit of steam. “Thank you.”

I placed a hand on her shoulder. “Do you still want to talk to Luna or Chumana?”

“...No.” She said sullenly.

I sighed and saw her horn light up. I closed my eyes to avoid being discombobulated again, and once I opened them, I saw that Twilight was walking away from me and that I was now standing in the kitchen. Spike started heading towards Twilight but I waved him off and handed breakfast off to him before following Twilight myself. I just followed the sound of her heartbeat onto her balcony and propped myself against the railing while she leaned over it, staring blankly at the town.

“This isn’t about being right or wrong.” I stated.

She took a deep breath and sighed. “I don’t like being wrong, but you’re correct. That’s not why I’m upset. I just… I know Spike used to get fish when he was little, but I thought that was just something that baby Dragons needed, not adolescents. I knew how to take care of Spike, but I didn’t know that I was holding him back on such a level…”

“You didn’t know, Twilight. It just took a little while longer for you to see it than usual.” I said kindly.

“...I’m sorry I yelled at you for trying to do something nice. Well, not just something nice, but something necessary for Spike’s health.”

I leaned over and kissed her cheek. “I should’ve presented my case in a calmer manner.”

“You managed to be calmer than I was… I guess I just hate thinking that I’m doing things right with Spike only to find that I’ve been doing the wrong thing all along.”

“In fairness, you treat and view him as a little brother now, and now that you understand what he needs to grow as a Dragon, you can get more used to the idea of him eating meat. It doesn’t have to be what I give him, however. You were alright with the fish, right?”

“Well, yes. I thought it was strange, but some Ponies eat fish too.”

“Actually, some Ponies eat the kind of meat I eat. Noir was one of them.” I informed.

“Aren’t you always calling Noir brutal?”

I shrugged. “Horses and Ponies back in my world were kind of omnivorous, so it makes sense to me. I’ve heard of both eating fingers, fish, and all sorts of things, honestly. Horses were kind of terrifying in my world, to be honest with you.”

Twilight gave me a weird look. “You know whorse is an insult here, right?”

“I know, but that’s when you spell it with a ‘W’. In my world, Horses are just large Ponies, or vice versa.”

She chuckled a little. “...If you want to keep bringing Spike meat when you go hunting, I guess I’ll be okay with it. Just don’t cook it here, please.”

“I’d actually like to take him hunting with me one day, that or fishing.”

“Spike knows how to fish and prepare them so that you can eat them. Fluttershy taught him how to do all that since there aren’t any intelligent fish species.” So he's not going hunting with me. Okay.

I shrugged. “There you go. If he wants to cook it, he’s welcome to come to my house.”

“...Thank you, Max.”

“You’re welcome, cherry. What I brought over should last him a couple of days if he doesn’t devour all of it by the end of the hour.”

Twilight lifted a brow at me. “Have you ever seen Spike eat anything like he eats meat? That’s a part of the reason I didn’t want him eating it.”

I sighed. “It’s practically a delicacy to him, Twilight. That’s why he gorges himself on it when he can.”

“Kind of like how Rarity is with Germaneigh Chocolates, then. I guess I should’ve seen that too.” She sighed, standing up straight.

I pulled her in for a hug. “Cherry, I’ll never lie to you. I said I wouldn’t and I still haven’t.” I said softly. “Especially when it comes to Spike. You might know him better and love him more, but he’ll be my little brother too soon enough, and I would never do anything to cause him long-term pain. I might punch him for being a little shit, but I’d hurt myself more than I’d hurt him, honestly”

Twilight hugged me back. “Don’t hit my family.”

“You say that like I’m the one starting these fights.” I grumbled.

“You’re the one who continues them.”

I held her at arm’s length and frowned. “Did I tell you the extent of what your father put me through, Twilight Sparkle?”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m sure whatever Luna put you through was a lot worse.”

My frown deepened. “Physically? Yes. Mentally? Also yes. However, Luna could never touch me emotionally like Night Light did. To see hatred in the eyes of someone you were prepared to love and respect as your own father... “ I took a breath to calm myself. “That never made it into my journals. I know I’ll remember it well enough that it doesn’t have to.”

“...Did Luna’s training make it into your journals?” Twilight asked.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” I said.

Twilight shrugged my hands off of her arms and held my hands. “Are you sure? You seem like you need to.”

“I really don’t want to. I won’t freak out about it if I do, but I don’t want to put myself back in the state I was before I left. I made the Primal Path for a reason, Twilight, and it’s not because I didn’t think I’d be a good enough fighter.”

That made her very concerned. “...And you’re just okay with the fact that Luna broke you like that?”

I shrugged. “It was to make me tougher and it worked. She shaped me into a one man army, and that’s a part of what I need to be. I learned to control the pain that I feel and turn it straight into power, which is dangerous, but useful. Luna and Noir are why I name the things I fear on one hand.”

Twilight’s lips started quivering, so I cupped her face with my hand tenderly. “Cherry cherry, don’t shed a tear. With your horn, I’m always near. If I’m near, please never fear, I don’t have another rhyme, but I thought it was a good effort.” I gave her a lopsided grin.

Twilight cracked a smile and held my hand to her face. “You really are something else. How do you manage to make me so mad I don’t want to deal with you, then be so sweet I never want to be away from you?”

“Do you want a real answer or a joke?”

She gave me furrowed her brows. “You usually wouldn’t ask.”

I gave her a quick kiss. “I usually wouldn’t have a real answer that makes sense.”

“Can I have the joke first?”

“You know those lemon drops from Sugarcube Corner?” She took my hand away from her face and tilted her head the other way. “I’m like those. You have to have the sour before you can get to the sweet unless you have a friend suck the sour off first.”

“That’s disgusting!” Twilight giggled.

“But it made you laugh!” I grinned.

She patted my chest and gave me a significantly longer kiss, which was as even sweeter than usual. It felt like we’d been arguing now more than ever, and I couldn’t help but feel like it was mostly the stress we were both constantly under, or rather, the stress I was under. I knew that, to a point, Twilight was bearing as much of the burden right there with me, but I’m still taking the brunt of the weight to save her from having to. The world almost literally sits on my shoulders and this beautiful specimen was burning her candle from both ends to try and give me a little relief, if only for a few moments. I appreciated it more than she would ever know, but she just wasn’t the person who could ease the stress entirely. That would only happen if The War was prevented entirely or when it was over and done with. Just thinking about it gives me headaches, and all of this was running through my head while I was within Twilight’s tender embrace. When she tried to pull away, I didn’t want to let go and hesitated for a moment, knowing that reality was about to slap me in the face all over again like I was it’s little bitch that jumped through hoop after flaming hoop, but I couldn't hide away in Twilight’s arms forever, no matter how much I want to at times. I had to let go of my solace, my perfect drug, whenever we went back to normalcy, but that would never stop me from savouring the moments we spent together.

I was holding Twilight a little tighter than I’d meant to, but thankfully her Alicorn strength meant that I wasn’t going to hurt her any time soon. When we broke our kiss, Twilight was gazing at me with those beautiful royal purple eyes that grew darker and lighter in different spots depending on how she was feeling. They’d lightened considerably after our moment, drawing me into the days where we’d had nothing to worry about other than petty squabbles about nothing in particular and days of cuddling that just seemed like they’d taken place so long ago. I don’t know if she could see it in my own eyes or if she could feel my desperation, but my love allowed me one more kiss that was all too brief for my tastes, but I was happy to take what I could get.

When Twilight pulled away the second time, I gave her no resistance and looked at her lovingly. “You know, I’ve never doubted for a moment that I made the right choice with you. There are times when I regret doing something that upset you or that started an argument, but I can safely say that you’ve taken over my heart so perfectly that there will never be another who can touch what you’ve done, and every moment I spend under this blue sky, I know it’s because of the love you returned to my heart. Thank you, Cherry. Thank you for being you.”

Twilight held my hand and placed it on her chest, right above her heart. “I-I don’t really know what to say to that other than that I love you, amour. The pet name I gave to you says it all. I love you with all my heart and I don’t know if I could ever live without you if I knew you weren’t going to come back to me, so I need you to promise that no matter what happens, no matter how many millennia pass, you’ll always come back to me in the end, that you’ll always be my one true love.”

“I promise, Twilight. I’ll never leave you in heart or spirit, and that if I have to leave you physically, that I’ll always come back to you, even if we do end up turning old and grey somehow. I’ll never rest until I find you, and even if we do find the next life, I’ll be there looking for you no matter who goes first as long as you promise to do the same for me.”

We looked at each other for a long moment, and I figured that this would’ve been a good time to propose too. After affirming our love for wach other, no matter what nonsense we’d just been arguing about, I always felt as if I needed to give Twilight a token to remember the calm after the storm, what happens after we’ve blown through town. The fights just didn’t matter that much as long as we both knew who we were coming home to in the end, and that’s what makes my heart soar every time I see Twilight. Our love has already weathered a lot of nonsense, and I have no doubts that it’ll have to weather more before the Sun sets on our time together, but then again, we’re both rather close to the beings that turn the Goddamn planet, so the Sun can set another day.

With our hearts clear and our minds at ease for the time being, Twilight and I went back downstairs to find Spike and Crimson in a heated debate over which was better: ‘stallions’ or ‘mares’. Crimson was a firm supporter of guys since he’d generally had less trouble with them and they would generally tell you what was weighing on them if they knew what the problem was, but Spike maintained that the ladies had the edge because they were softer and more gentle, even if the women around Ponyville tended to be rather pushy with certain things.

Twilight herself said that she’d only ever dated me and said that I wasn’t all that hard to deal with, just that I attracted trouble like a magnet, which I couldn’t really deny. I was on Spike’s side because I didn’t like being fucked in the arse at all and I didn’t find guys attractive, but I was quickly told that I was off topic, but I was on Spike’s side anyway. My reasoning was that if you could figure out what was wrong with a woman, all you had to do was guess, but if you guessed wrong and took the time to ask what was wrong and be genuine about your interest, that they would probably tell you what they thought was wrong. Well, that’s how women here in Equestria work. That technique just wasn’t always a winner back on Earth since some people just like to be angry, but then again, some people are just difficult like that.

We eventually got off of the topic of who was better to date and moved onto why Spike was going to get better at fishing. Apparently Spike liked fish, but he just never ate it since he felt like it was more of an animal food than a Pony food, and he was technically right. I assured him that I would eat more fish for its nutritional value, that is, if I didn’t hate most of the things about non-fried fish. I just didn’t like the flaky texture of most fish, but I would happily eat it if it was deep fried and fattening. In fact, I asked Twilight if there was a place where I could get a deep fryer and she hit me for trying to deep fry everything I ate. I thought it was a little unnecessary, but she was kinda right, even if I hadn't said anything about doing exactly that.

Spike told me that Applejack had a deep fryer that she used for hay fries and stuff like that, but knowing that someone who hated me and Crimson to varying degrees had something I’d like to use didn’t help anything at all, so I gave Spike a look and he apologized for not thinking before he spoke. I told him it was fine since he knew what he did and asked him if he’d ever had fish eye soup. I myself wasn’t terribly fond of it, but he guiltily confessed that he’d tried a few fish eyes while helping Fluttershy prepare them for Krel since he’d just been hungry and curious. Twilight was about to chide him before I asked how he’d liked the taste and he said he wasn’t too fond, but they’d tasted better than flowers. He actually pulled a face and Twilight seemed rather offended since the things she made usually involved flowers in some way shape or form.

Crimson and I took turns explaining that omnivore tastebuds just worked differently and I reminded her that I straight up couldn’t eat flowers like roses or daisies without either dying or getting sick. Shit, I was surprised that Spike could eat them, and so was Crimson, but he just hadn't said anything since he knew of a few Dragons that liked baked goods and thought that wheat was kind of like a flower anyway. That sparked a debate between what was considered a flower and a crop, and I laid out the ground rules: Things you would find in a florist’s shop are fucking flowers. Things that you have to plow a field and grow in rows are crops. Shit was that simple, but Spike didn’t get the difference at all. However, Twilight did and said that she would try to get used to the smell of fish, but that any sort of real red meat just wasn’t about to fly in her house.

I understood that, so I asked Spike if he’d enjoyed breakfast. He said that he hadn't eaten any of it yet since he’d Twilight and I arguing about it and that made my fiance and I look at each other, faces a little rosy. We apologized for making him hear that awkward stuff and he said that it was fine. Spike knew that we were both just trying to look out for him in different ways and that it had given him a great reason to get to know Crimson. My undead friend cracked a smile and told me that Spike was a fun ‘colt’ to get to know, but Spike argued that he was legally a young man, but the two actual men in the house called him out on it and said that he’d be grown once he got out of his guardian’s house.

Crimson offered to take Spike out for some pizza or something and that piqued my attention, but I recognized that he was just trying to give me some alone time with Twilight since we’d patched things up, so I took the opportunity by the short and curlies and thanked him for taking my little brother out for a date. Spike vehemently protested the date part, but Twilight joined in and said that he and Crimson would just make the cutest couple she’d seen since him and Apple Bloom, which made Spike get tired of our shit and blow smoke at us. Crimson got him out of the house before we could keep pissing him off and Twilight and I alighted to the living room for some cuddles. She finished editing A Star-Crossed Love while relaxing on my lap and chided me for making the epilogue sad too, but I told her that it was happier than I’d originally intended on making the book in the first place, so she should be grateful for that bittersweet ending rather than just the bitter one I’d intended on having.

Twilight sighed and duplicated the book before sending it off to Stove Pipe, and I asked her if she would like to cuddle a little more or have a smoke. She didn’t want either and asked if we could go for a walk around town and I agreed, though I was a little confused since it really wasn’t like Twilight to get out of the house if we could spend our time together stationary. It’d been a good while since we’d been out and about, but I was happy to show off my woman if she was going to give me the chance. She put on some different shoes that I didn’t really see the point in since a lot of Ponies never bothered with them in the first place, but then again, it really wasn’t my fucking problem, now was it?

I complimented her on her choice of shoe and Twilight told me that we were going to see Cobble Pot to have me another few pairs of shoes made. I thought it was a little unnecessary until I saw the state that my boots were in. I mean, Boot Camp had been pretty rough on them, and Luna’s training had been even harder, but they would last me another month if I kept things less than super rough. Shit, they were too well made for me to just toss them anyway and that was why they’d held together for so long. Twilight also said that we were going to the local salon up until I protested and said that we were going to a proper barber. I wasn’t completely against visiting a salon, but I’m a fucking man dammit, and my hair is man hair! Man hair gets cut at a barber, thank you very much.

Twilight just rolled her eyes and we started our date in the nicest of ways. I complimented her and asked about the things I’d missed while we’d been apart and she asked me a few questions about my training. I didn’t tell her anything about Night Light or Luna, but I mentioned that I’d pulled together a good sized team in The Guard and that I’d made some good friends while I’d been there, despite the odds being stacked against me. She asked about Iron Hoof, Brilliant Day, and Moon Walk in particular, so I told her about them to the full extent of my knowledge, though I left out their body types since I figured she was asking since she was feeling a bit possessive. I didn’t want to give her any reasons to feel insecure, so I was sure to mention the flaws I’d seen in each of them as well and that seemed to put her at ease.

Cobble Pot still had my measurements on file from the last time I’d come to see him because I was the fucking Baron of his town and he figured that it would be important to keep that kind of information on hand, just in case. I asked him if he’d kept the old schematics for the boots I’d had him make me last time and he also had those on file, so I asked for another pair of the old faithfuls and Twilight asked if he could make me a pair of dress shoes to go along with them and I mentioned that I still had a pair, but she said that she wanted a pair that would match my Prince suit. I gently let Twilight know that I would handle the styling and color choice via drawings and schematics, which kind of put her off a bit, but when it came to things other than her own personal style, Twilight was a little… Fashion-blind, I suppose. There was this one dress that she was absolutely in love with that I thought was the most hideous yellow thing that had ever been invented in the color, and some of her other outfits were just… bad. So bad. It really was for the best if I chose the color and accents of my shoes.

I chose the color and had Cobble make me a pair of shoes that were practically Vans in my usual color scheme since I had always wanted a pair. Sure, I could’ve bought them with money from a well paying job or stolen some if I really wanted them, but I’d always preferred my boots for just about anything. I’m generally a boot kind of guy, but for just hanging out with Twilight or something, I wasn’t going to need my lock picks or throwing knives since I had plenty of other things in my arsenal. Actually, I can’t really think of any reason I would need them anyways, but I still liked to have them, just in case my powers were to ever fail me for whatever reason. I don’t know why they would, but sharp shit stabs and magic always has seemed unreliable to me, but that’s really because I don’t have a firm understanding of it.

When Cobble brought out the schematics for my shoes, Twilight asked what the sheaths were there for, so I told her and she asked Cobble to leave them out of this pair. I told him to leave them in and to keep to the original plan barring the sheath for my dirk since I no longer had one. Twilight asked me why I felt the need to carry weapons around at all time and I told her that I really just didn’t trust my magic to keep working all the time, every day, and she said that it was stupid, arguing that I should just leave the weapons at home in a drawer or something. I lifted my shirt and showed her the Warbling Blade, explaining that weapons go where I go, no matter what, and that I refused to leave them behind. I was pretty sure that we’d had this conversation before… Maybe it was with Celestia? Shit, I dunno, but either way, Twilight was firmly against me walking around with weapons until I told her that I was literally a living weapon at this point and that half of my magic was for the purpose of killin’ shit. She saw reason, but Cobble asked me if I was going to kill him because Ponies are pussies like that, so I had to talk some sense into him and explain that I was an Operative before I was a Prince, and that I had to be able to fight and handle certain situations. I basically spouted peace-loving bullshit until I heard his heart slow down with Twilight backing me up.

We parted ways with Cobble not thinking that I was a fucking murderer or something and Twilight apologizing for creating that situation, though she still had some muttering about me feeling the need to carry weapons everywhere. I mentioned that I also kept lock picks in my boots, but she was fine with that and had been ever since I’d unlocked her door for her when Spike had absentmindedly locked her out. Still, I maintained that knives were tools as much as weapons and she asked what purposes a knife could have other than for killing someone. I named whittling, juggling (though she denied that one because it was dangerous), chopping wood, showpieces that exemplified one’s skill, cooking in general, and basically anything that required scissors. Twilight said that showpieces didn’t count because that was practically just making something for the sake of making it and I told her that metalworking in general was a skill she would most likely never appreciate if she didn’t get that it was art. She acquiesced that metalwork could be pretty, but she was still against knives rather vehemently until I pointed out that they’d saved my life by just being in my hand multiple times while I was on Earth, and when I went into the details of those stories, she asked me to stop talking.

While we walked back to her place, I asked, “So have you been in contact with your parents in the past few weeks? I’m sure you guys keep a pretty steady amount of contact since you’re so close, right?”

Twilight took a few steps before answering. “I’ve talked to my Mom.”

I sense danger. “Is everything okay?”

She took a few more steps. “Not really… Fancy Pants heard through the grapevine what my Dad did to you while you were training with The Guard, though nopony wants to tell me any of it. Apparently Fancy came calling and my Dad… Well, Fancy was always a better fighter than he was…” She said sullenly.

I held her hand. “Twilight…”

She looked straight ahead. “...From what I hear, my Dad had it coming.”

I couldn’t think of anything to say at the moment, so when Twilight started turning to head toward her house, I bumped her and tilted my head in the opposite direction. It took me a few minutes, but I finally said, “I never intended for Night Light to get hurt, Twilight. If I would’ve known, I would’ve put it out there that anyone who laid a hand on him would deal with me. I should’ve been thinking ahead.”

Twilight squeezed my hand. “I love you, Max. Even though it’s not your fault, you’re still trying to add the blame to your plate… You metaphorically eat so much blame just because ponies pile it on…” She shook her head. “My Dad knew that what he was doing was wrong and Fancy knew that going after him for what he did was wrong too. I just don’t see why stallions always think revenge is necessary.”

We walked on in silence for a few more minutes. “It’s not that we think revenge is necessary, it’s that when someone makes our loved one’s suffer, we want the cause of that suffering to either go away or feel the same pain that they’re inflicting. You’re right: Night Light knew what he was doing was wrong, but he wanted me to suffer because I made you suffer, and I understand that. If I didn’t… Well, if you didn’t make me promise to not retaliate against him, I doubt I would have gotten through training anyway. Fancy knew what he was doing was wrong too, but I’m sure he wanted it to be clear to Night Light that he wasn’t going to get away with pulling bullshit with me just because I refused to do anything back. Men don’t seek revenge just because violence is in our nature or some bullshit like that: it’s because if we can’t protect the people we have in our lives, you can be damn sure that we’ll avenge them.”

Twilight sighed. “You basically said that stallions think revenge is necessary. Why can’t you just forgive somepony for their transgressions and let life continue?”

“Because the heart doesn’t work like that, Twilight. You’ve heard me say time after time that if someone ever hurt you, I was going to kill them. It’s not because I like inflicting pain, it’s because you are my heart, Twilight. When someone attacks someone you love, they are attacking your love in itself. It’s so much deeper than what you’re saying it is. Can you honestly say that you’re on good terms with your Dad or Shining right now?”

I looked at her and saw that she was blinking back tears, so I pulled off to the side of the street and into an alley. She cleared her eyes and looked into my eyes. “I know Max, I know it’s hard to forgive somepony and you’re right about Shining and Dad, but… Do the Elements of Harmony mean nothing? Are they just symbols and nothing more?” She asked, pleading for me to agree.

“They’re symbols and examples, Twilight, but you see how our friends are. The paragons of the Elements aren’t good people all the time, and no one is. Evil lies in every heart and no amount of kindness will make that go away. Some truths hurt, and no kind of honesty will ever take that sting away. Some friendships fall apart and there isn’t a kind of loyalty that will fix that. Some people can only give so much before their generosity runs out. Some things are so horrifying that you just can’t laugh, and magic might be powerful, but it can’t fix everything. My dearest love, I hate to tell you this, but the world isn’t perfect. Equestria isn’t perfect. Ponyville isn’t perfect. There isn’t a single perfect person on this entire planet.” I chuckled, my voice thick. “Even the one being that my race thought was the most perfect of all beings is a right and proper cock sometimes, but that’s the nature of living beings Twilight. To be alive is to make mistakes, but it’s what we do after those mistakes that makes us who we are. Night Light made a mistake. Fancy made another. Their mistakes aren’t going to end there. I don’t know how to put it, but it’s just how things are.”

Twilight placed her head on my chest and let out a few silent sobs before saying, “I hate this! I don’t want to hear this, Max! I don’t want to be a Princess, I don’t want to know that my friends are bad ponies, that my Dad is a bad pony, that Celestia is a bad pony! Why can’t everypony just be nice?” She finished weakly.

I held her close. “I’m sorry, Twilight.”

She weakly beat my chest. “Why?”

I didn’t answer that because I just couldn’t. There wasn’t anything I could say that would erase what I’d said. There were no apologies that take the truth from her ears or the black marks from the world. To a point, I could do to Equus what I’d done in my world, but Celestia had forbidden me and used magic to make me swear an oath that I wouldn’t. There just wasn’t anything I could do to ease the pain I had caused Twilight, but she… She needed to hear it. Rather, I felt that as a person, she needed to hear it, and I knew that she was going to learn it in time. The next words out of my mouth were chosen so, so carefully so I wouldn’t dig Twilight’s well of despair any deeper.

“Twilight.” I said softly.

She looked up to me, tears streaking the fine, short fur on her face. “Please no.”

I bent down a little and held her head to my shoulder. “No one is perfect, Twilight, but a lot of people strive to be. So many people work their hardest to be better than what their nature calls for them to be. I know there are times when you want to shout and scream at your friends, but you don’t. I know that there are times where you’re so fed up with your family, the biological one and the royal one, that you want to tell all of us to rot in Tartarus. I know there are times where you don’t want me around, but you know what? You don’t shout and scream. You don’t say hateful things to us. You always apologize when we see each other again, and you know why?”

She pushed back and looked at me again, but she didn't speak. “It’s because, just like there’s a bit of darkness in every heart, there’s good in the vast majority, barring people like Chrysalis and Sombra. Evil only takes people over when they let it, Twilight. Look around you and witness for yourself all the good in the world; people help each other daily without asking for anything in return, or give gifts out of the kindness of their hearts. People tell each other the honest truth because lies will only hurt more in the end. People show loyalty to those who show it in turn because everyone wants someone they can count on. People share what they’re blessed with because of that goodness. I know for a fact that you like when people laugh because it means that they’re happy and that makes you happy, and magic might not be able to fix everything, but it’s so vital to the things that it can that sometimes I doubt that this world would ever work without it.”

I took a moment to collect my words. “Just because the world isn’t perfect in the traditional sense doesn't mean that it’s not perfect in it’s own way. Things are how they are, and people like us, people that can see the good and the evil are the ones who can push the evil back and spread the good.” I smiled at her and cleared her tears. “When I came here, Twilight, I was dark grey and if I would’ve stayed on my Earth, living the life that I was, I don’t doubt that I would’ve turned out pitch, jet, onyx, black kind of evil with no good left in me, but I met you. I met someone with so much good in their heart that they were willing to share that I started to become a better person, and I know it’s been a long road, and I know that I’ve done evil things, but through it all, you’ve been there to remind me what the good is supposed to look like, and I’m not just saying that you’re good looking.” She chuckled a little. “There’s a lot of facets to the world, my love, but the Elements make up some of those facets and form the face of goodness. That goodness will always overcome evil, no matter what, Twilight Sparkle, and don’t you dare forget that.”

Twilight gave me a small smile. “...I won’t. I promise that to you, amour. I’ll never forget what you’ve said to me.”

I rolled my eyes. “Everything I say is profound, Cherry. You should remember everything I say.”

She rolled her eyes in turn and blew some air between her lips that made her sound like a horse and I couldn’t stop myself from cracking up. “Hey! What are you laughing at!?” Twilight carped… Well, not quite happily, but it didn’t sound like she was terribly upset.

I caught my breath. “Cherry, can you whinny for me?” I grit my teeth and waited for an answer.

She fucking did it and I lost my shit completely, doubling over because I was laughing so fucking hard. Twilight stood back and waited for me to get myself together, but I just couldn’t manage and she started tapping one of her hooves while I was dying of oxygen deprivation. I’m sure she checked an imaginary watch, so I quelled my laughter and stood up as straight as I could, my sides aching, trying to shut down the smile on my face and failing miserably. The blush on her face was adorable, and so was the loveable little pout.

“And just what were you laughing at?” She asked a bit peevishly.

“I just-” I broke out laughing again, which made Twilight put her hand on my shoulder and teleport me back to her house.

“Do you think whinnies are funny or something? Everypony does it, Max.”

“I-” I couldn’t stop. It was just too ridiculous.

She gave me an adorable little glare that didn’t phase me in the slightest. When Crimson and Spike walked in, I was still giggling like mad, but by then I’d laid down on the floor while trying to get my breath back.

“So what’s he laughing about?” Spike asked.

“Max asked me if I could whinny so I did and that was awhile ago. He still hasn’t quite calmed down yet.” Twilight replied.

“It’s just-” I hiccuped. “Aww fuck, that shit-” I hiccuped again. “So golden!”

“Everypony whinnies.” Crimson said.

“Apparently Max hasn’t heard a pony do it before.” Twilight said.

I took a deep breath and tried not to let it out as a laugh. “Fucking Christ. Aww… That was some fucking good stuff right there!”

Crimson whinnied and I rolled over just to look at him and started all over again. “I really don’t see what’s so funny about it.” He said, confused.

“Neither do I.” Twilight huffed over my laughter.

I heard Spike scratch his scales. “I dunno, I guess we’ll ask when he chills out.”

It took a few more minutes, but I eventually got ahold of myself and sat up, groaning and working out the last of my giggles. “Bloody fucking Hell. Ah. Ah.” I giggled some more. “I’m so done with this fucking planet right now.”

Twilight had taken to reading a book on the couch. Crimson and Spike were doing similar activities in different seats around the room, so I joined Twilight and threw an arm around her casually. “How’s it goin’ my pretty little Pony?”

She passed me a stiff look. “Are you finally done?”

Crimson whinnied from across the room and I couldn’t keep a straight face, doubling over again. Twilight must have picked him up and dropped him with magic or something because I heard a heavy sounding thud from his general direction and Spike giggled at that. I heard something heavy fall in Spike’s general direction a few seconds later and that didn’t help at all. Each of them grumbled unkind things about Twilight too softly for her to hear, but I figured that she kind of deserved it, but when Twilight blew air between her lips again, I couldn’t help but get a little hoarse with my laughter. Shit was actually painful at this point, so I calmed down quickly enough, and when I did, I kept my eyes straight ahead and didn’t look at anything in particular until I was completely done. Once I was, I laid my head on Twilight’s lap and looked up at her.

I cleared my throat. “You know I love you, right?” I croaked.

Twilight moved her book and gave me a look. “Do I? You’ve spent the last ten minutes laughing at me, after all.”

I reached up and booped her. “It’s just because you’re a cutie pie.”

Spike gagged and Twilight dropped him again. “Keep it up and I’ll drop you from the ceiling!” She warned.

“Whatever!” He scoffed. “I’m going to Sweet Apple Acres if you’re gonna keep dropping me!”

“Keep giving her snark and I’ll drop you, mate.” I said casually.

Twilight covered my mouth. “Don’t listen to Max. I’m the only one allowed to drop you.”

“Stupid whorse.” Spike grumbled.

I bolted up straight and sent a black look at Spike and he bitched up real quick. “Sorry…”

“S’what I thought. Don’t say that shit about your sister, even if you don’t mean it.” I responded evenly.

Twilight gave me an odd look as I was laying back down. “What did he say?”

“Don’t worry about it.” I closed my eyes. “Your aroma is simply lovely today.” I replied softly.

“Uh-huh.” She said skeptically.

I opened one eye. “I wouldn’t say that it was if it wasn’t.”

“What was so funny earlier?” She asked, cutting straight to the point.

I couldn’t suppress my smile. “I don’t believe I understand Equuish at the moment.”

She pouted. “What happened to never lying to me?”

“Quelle?” I answered. “Je ne comprends pas.”

“Tu sais ce que je dis, tu poulain!” She huffed.

My eyes shot open. “Shit, I didn’t think you actually knew French.”

“I know a lot of things, Max. I don’t know why you think whinnies are funny, though.”

I grinned. “Ponies from my world used to do that too. I never knew Ponies from Equus could too. The little sound you make when you blow air from your lips just reminded me of them.”

She pinched my cheek. “Of course Ponies whinny! It’s just something we do!”

“It’s fucking hilarious!” I chuckled. “Do it again, please. It’s so much cuter when you do it.”

Twilight pinched a little harder. “You’re just awful sometimes, you know that?”

“I know I am, but what are you?” I asked, dropping my voice to sound completely serious.

She stopped pinching my cheek and tilted her head. “Uh… Purple, I guess.”

I booped her. “Correct! A biscuit for you, my sweet bugaboo!”

Spike gagged again and got up from his chair. “That’s it! I’m out!” He huffed in a very manly manner. Very manly.

“Don’t stay out too late, okay?” Twilight called after him.

Spike turned back with a raised brow and prepared to say something snarky, but a look from me shut that shit down. “...Yeah, okay.”

“Thank you!” Twilight said sweetly.

I rolled back to continue looking up at her. She put a hand on my forehead and said, “Huh. That was easier than usual.”

“You didn’t see the look Max gave him.” Crimson chuckled.

I flipped him off and Twilight switched her book holding hand so she could whack my chest. “Max!”

“I didn’t even say anything!” I protested.

“You know you’re intimidating.” She scolded. “It doesn’t help that you got so much… Bigger, when you went away.”

I looked down. “The Ol’ Chap is the same size, cherry.”

“The Ol’ what now?” She asked.

“He’s talking about the third leg.” Crimson commented from across the room.

Twilight hit me again. “Oi! Crimson fucker, whose side are you on?”

“You make everyone suffer when you open your mouth, bud. It’s only fair that someone calls you out.” He replied easily.

I sat up, picked him up from his chair, and dropped him on his arse. “Why don’t you find a juicy dick to suck or something.”

He got up rubbing his rear. “I might just do that, you cotton-headed ninny. I’ll catch you at back at base.”

I tossed him the key and he caught it with magic since I’d thrown it poorly. “If you bring someone home, shut the door. I’ll hear it anyway, but if you’re nice enough to do that, I’ll be nice enough to never bring it up.”

Twilight blushed and he coughed. “Y-Yeah… So… I’m just gonna go…” He said awkwardly.

“Good luck.” I waved him off.

“Um, Crimson?” Twilight asked.

“Yes?” He responded.

“The Mare’s Tail is the bar I think you want. I-I’m sorry if I’m assuming-”

“No, you’re right.” He said simply. “I’ll see you two lovebirds later.”

“Later, mate.”

“Goodbye.”

And thus Twilight and I were alone. I laid back down on her lap and she kept read for a little while, and until I heard her close her book, I was content to just lay there with my eyes closed, breathing in the scent of my fiance. When she stopped reading, I opened my eyes and she had my journal and a pen in her hand, so I accepted them from her and sat up so I could write properly, but she teleported a blanket onto the floor and sat down with her back to me, so I sat facing away from her and we started writing back-to-back. She was a little irritated when I came back from my jerky break, but then again, I had to explain that meat was like a Briar Rose to me. She mentioned that Briar Heart had been even more guarded with them ever since I’d left, so I told her that I’d talk to her tomorrow and see if I could get some for her and the girls, though I didn’t know if she’d be offended that I hadn't stopped by earlier. Eh, she could deal with being mad for a little bit.

Twilight and I wrote for a good while, but as with all good things, it came to an end eventually when my Cherry started yawning. I’m finishing things up right now, but I can’t help but wonder if I should start capitalizing pet names. I think I’ll try it out to see if I like it, but you know, some things just work how they are. I know I’ve had to start capitalizing Prince and Princess since they are titles, after all. I’ll probably do it, but now Twilight’s egging me on to come to bed, so I suppose this is it for now.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Two days have passed since my last entry (making this the night of the second day), but that’s because I haven’t really done anything I consider important. I visited Strawberry Petal and Mary while I was in town visiting Briar Heart and her sisters, but I’ll start with the visit with Briar Heart when I give the rundown. Again, it feels inconsequential to me since I didn’t really do anything important, but Twilight has already told me off for not carrying out my journal duties, so I guess I can make a few quick paragraphs about what went on. Hell, the main reason I haven’t written about anything is because tonight is the first time I’ve gotten to spend some time with Twilight and I really just haven’t done much other than go around visiting people that I’d been meaning to visit. There are still two more people on my list, but I’ll get to them tomorrow, yeah?

Anyway, so the visit with Briar Heart started with me walking to her flower shop earlier today. It was pretty pleasant out considering the time of year: wasn’t too hot, wasn’t terribly windy either, but gives a flying fuck about weather? Who cares about any of this shit? Apparently Twilight because she just bitched at me for writing that. I swear, sometimes the woman can be so damn persnickety about some things that she sounds like Rarity, but then again, I remember having to reorganize cupcakes because she ate one from the display I’d set up when I’d had my bonfire. I don’t have OCD, but if we were going through the trouble of organizing them by color, then why wouldn’t we set them up so that they’re orderly too?

I got off topic way too easily. Back to the visit with Briar, yeah?

So I walked into her shop, right? Lo and behold, her sisters fucking faint at the sight of me and I stand there looking like a killer or something because Briar rns out of the back after hearing one of them fall into a display. She looks around and seems me, so I just wave like ‘How do you do?’ and she gives me the most ‘What the fuck?’ I’ve ever seen, so I spend like, ten minutes trying to explain to her that I didn’t do a damned thing to either of her sister’s and once we got that cleared up, she straight up forgets that I’m a Prince and rips my fucking head off (metaphorically of course) and curses me with every pony slur I’ve ever heard and a few creative ones that I’ll have to write down and use for my own purposes sometime.

That went on for far too long, so I shut her up by licking her face right up the middle and shaking her until she scrunched her face up and hit me. I warned her that assaulting royalty was a capital offense and she dared me to arrest her, so I checked her by picking her up with my Psychokinesis and walked her toward Town Hall. Once she realized where we were going, she asked if I was seriously going to arrest her and I dropped her, telling her that I was, in fact, not going to arrest her over something so small. That earned me another string of curses, but I just laughed and gave her a hug that she returned fiercely.

Briar had missed me to no end, but once I explained my absence and what all I felt like telling her, she understood that I hadn't really had a choice in the matter of whether or not to stay or go. I appreciated her understanding, and on the walk back to her shop, I asked how things had been for her while I’d been gone. She said that she’d missed the times when we’d just trade harmless insults and toss slurs back and forth, but the only real problem she’d had was walking by my empty house, knowing that the only person inside was likely Berry Blitz or Twilight herself. She asked how long I’d been back in town, so I truthfully told her that I’d been back for about a month and a half, but that I’d been in Canterlot for that month. Briar then asked why it had taken me so long to talk to her, and to to tell her the truth, it was just that I was busy as fuck and when I wasn’t, I was spending my time with Twilight or my family, trying to catch up on lost time. Thankfully she understood that too, but that made her ask if I considered her a friend. I thought the answer was obvious since I came to see her in the first place, but you know how people can be sometimes.

She didn’t want to head back to her shop just yet, so we passed it by and we talked a little more. Briar had gotten to know Berry a little better and told me that she just didn’t like the woman. Berry was simple minded and a bit of an idiot at times, and when I chastised her for saying that, she asked if wasn’t true. I never said that it wasn’t, but I insisted that there are some things you shouldn’t say about good folk. She asked when I had gone soft and I told her that I hadn't gone soft: I just liked Berry because she was a good person with a kind heart, and even though she’d been flashing me for the first couple of months she’d been under my employment, I still respected her. Briar said that it was probably the fact that she’d been flashing me that made me like her, so I lagged behind a little and let Briar walk in front of me so I could scoop one of her hooves with my foot and make her stumble. It worked better when your target had feet, but it was still funny when she glared at me and threatened to shave a bouquet of roses up my arse.

We chatted on our way through town and actually ran into Berry and Knuckle Duster while they were out on a date. I thought they were a nice couple, and when I convinced Briar to stop by for a brief visit, they were happy to talk for a few minutes. I learned that Duster was still working for Onyx and that our big pink friend really needed to talk to me about something, so I promised that I would talk to him once I finished up with Briar and asked how he’d been. Duster and Berry said that they were glad that the Elements had been around for the past couple years when things got cray, like when the Everfree started coming in and destroying the town, but I’d heard that story and they were rather liberal with their praise toward my friends.

Either way, Briar didn’t like Berry and she liked Duster a little too much, so I dragged her away to continue our walk after bidding Berry and her boyfriend a good day. Briar asked why we left so soon and I told her that it was because she had been low-key flirting with Duster right in front of Berry and she asked why she didn’t deserve a shot at nabbing a man of her own. I told her to go to a bar in Canterlot or something if she was really that pressed to find a man, but she said that she would want to stay for a week and that my garden needed to be tended to twice in that time period. I told her that my plants would be fine if they missed two waterings and she said that, while they would, she didn’t trust her sisters to run her shop for more than a few days anyway. At this point she was just coming up with excuses, so I told her that she was taking a vacation whether she wanted to or not and she looked at me like I was crazy. The look on my face barred no arguments and when she went to argue anyway, I gave her a darker look and she meekly thanked me for the opportunity to go find a ‘stallion’ of her own. I mentioned that she should be taking more time off anyway and she swore at me for a few minutes in low grumbles before sighing and saying I was probably right. I patted her on the back and told her that she could start by making sure her goofy sisters weren’t dead in their shop and taking the rest of the day to go get a hooficure or something. She said that she might do just that and turned back, thanking me for telling her to not work as much. I thanked her for her company and continued heading towards the Lock Pad.

As per the usual, Onyx was fucking around, making wafers and what not for his locks when I came in. He greeted me gruffly, but he stopped his work to give me his full attention and I asked him if he was alright. Dude didn’t say that he was or that he wasn’t, but he did ask why I was asking and I told him that I’d heard he’d needed to talk to me. He cursed Knuckle Duster and grumbled under his breath about nosy ‘colts’ before telling me that he was fine. I crossed my arms and leaned against one of his work tables, raising a brow at his general lack of talking.

“Look, mate. I wouldn’t be here if I was going to pull some bullshit or if I thought it was unimportant, so why don’t you tell me what’s up?” I asked.

“There’s nothing ‘up’, colt.” He replied in his usual low rumbles.

“Obviously there is. We never did spend that much time together, but I should probably tell you now that you can’t lie to me, one way or another. And that’s not magic, Onyx. That’s just me.”

He glared at me. “I didn’t need to talk then and I don’t need to talk now. Let it go.”

“It’s weighing on your heart. I can practically hear the thing pounding in your chest and it’s not because you’re pissed or something like that. You’re dating Blue, right? You’re practically my Dad already, so let your wise, handsome, insightful, awesome, generally incredible step-son bear some of your burden. It can’t be worse than what’s already on my plate, mate.”

He scoffed. “It’s not a burden, just guilt, sonny.” He filed away at a thing or something for a few minutes before looking at me. “You’re not making me talk.”

I shrugged. “The only things I’ve got to do today are visit Mary and Petal, but I can do that shit tomorrow if I really want to.”

Onyx looked at me for a few minutes and sighed. “Might as well save us some time then. Leaving Blueberry ate me up for awhile. I hated that I couldn’t be with her, so I stopped seeing Mary and focused on my work, but nothing filled the hole and I knew that it wouldn’t. I ran another mission as an Operative for Her Highness Princess Celestia, but it just… Nothing helped.”

I tilted my head. “I’m surprised that you did another mission, but I could’ve told you that the only thing that would have made that emptiness go away was going back to Blue. You were stuck between a rock and a hard place, mate. You either ate glass every day or you sat in it and wiggled about like you were trying to get it in the opposite hole. There’s not other way to say it other than that you were trapped in a shitty situation, Onyx, and you can’t keep blaming yourself for something that happened via force of nature.”

He nodded. “I know that. I know that better than anypony else alive.”

I shrugged. “I don’t know how to make you stop blaming yourself, but I can say that you could try eating some brown eye to make up for it.”

“...Aren’t we talking about your mother?” He asked, running a hand over his close cropped, greying mane.

“I don’t think about it too hard when I say stuff like that. Just makes my life easier.”

“But you’re literally suggesting that I kiss flank?”

“Basically. See how that goes.”

Onyx and I stared at each other for a long moment before we both chuckled, shaking our heads. “You’re one bucked up colt, you know that?”

“Eh, comes with the territory. Are we good for now, Onyx? You know where to find me if we need to talk again.”

“Tch. You never stay in one place too long. I’ll have Blue send you a letter if I really need to talk to you, but don’t get your hopes up.”

I nodded. “I’ll be waiting with baited breath then. Feel free to take my advice, however.”

He rolled his eyes. “Shut up and get out of my shop.”

I shut up and got out of his shop since he went back to work a little more easily than he had been. I couldn’t hear his heart thudding painfully in his chest, or rather, it wasn’t thudding as hard when I took my leave, so I considered my job well done and decided to carry on with my day and go see Mary. Now, you may ask why I skipped over the entire time I spent with Briar by not really going into detail about our conversations, but that’s because fuck you and I didn’t feel like it. Talking to Onyx struck me as important enough to write down, so I did and that’s all there is to it. It’s not that I don’t think talking to Briar and Mary are important events, but I just don’t feel like writing about said events, and if you don’t like it, you can deal with it on your own time. Yeah, I’m looking at you, Twilight.

Anyway, so I went down the street a ways and let myself into Town Hall because everyone’s allowed in there anyway, but I’m especially allowed in there because I’m handsome. Strawberry was doing something or other, so when I hopped over the counter silently while she wasn’t looking, I felt like a great and magical ninja while I snuck up behind her, and when I was poised to strike, I wondered what I should do. She was writing while I was thinking, so I didn’t think I should grab her or anything like that, so I thought a little more and came up with one Hell of a prank. I crept up behind her while activating my Dark Aura and leaned over her shoulder. I pumped it up a notch and she shivered putting her pen down to rub her arms, but Luna had taught me to mask my presence while using my Aura, so I assume it just felt like the room was slowly darkening. It literally would if I tried hard enough (something I learned with Luna as well), so I decided to make things a little shadier in the Town Hall and started making some Mist to go along with it.

I don’t think I’ve ever written about Mist, so a quick description of it is that it’s fucking mist. That’s all it is. It’s dark and hard to see through, but other than that, it just smells kinda like my teakwood cologne and it’s really easy to make. It barely takes any concentration and if I want to, I can easily fill a room from top to bottom since it’s magical in nature and won’t really dissipate until I tell it to, which reminds me of a prank I pulled in Sugarcube Corner, but that was with marshmallow flavoured smoke and it’s really just a story for another time. The point is that I was setting some Mist on the floor of the Town Hall, making it creep around Strawberry’s desk and plume from the main hallway. It looked pretty cool to me, but when Strawberry stood up and nearly bumped into me, I had to drop to the floor while keeping up my charade. She nearly stepped on me when she turned around , but when she did, I just slid around her until she sat back down.

Strawberry was thoroughly freaked out, asking if anyone was in the room with her, so I unmasked my presence and rose behind her slowly, increasing the pressure my Dark Aura put out until she started to shake lightly, and when I thought she’d had enough, I let my hands rest on her arms and leaned in closely. She froze in place and I caressed her face with the back of my fingers slowly. I reached her chin and held it firmly, gently breathing on the side of her neck while turning her to face me. When she and I were looking each other in the eye, I kissed her cheek.

“Hullo, love! Beautiful day, isn’t it?” I said jovially, withdrawing my magic from the room quickly.

Strawberry looked like she was about to cry, so I swiveled her chair around and licked the left side of her face. “Didja miss me?”

“M-M-Max?” She asked in disbelief.

“The one and only.” I grinned.

“W-W-Were you doing all that?” She asked, shaking.

“Sure was. The look on your face was fucking priceless!” I held back a chuckle.

She threw a punch into my ribs that was pretty alright, but I still had to pretend like it actually hurt. “You absolute bastard! You had me scared for my life you- you- you- URGGHH!”

While Strawberry hit me with everything she had, I laughed my arse off for a minute or two until Mary came a’cloppin’ down the hall after hearing the commotion. “Strawberry Petal! Is everything alright.”

“I’m going to beat this stallion to death and back!” Strawberry said while whacking me with a thick book. I don’t know what the book was, but it was a hardback and it was quite large.
‘

Mary round the corner to find me avoiding getting in in the face by Strawberry, and when I saw her, I just took the book from Strawberry and made her float with Telekinesis. “If it isn’t my favorite Mayor! How’ve you been, Mary?”

Mary looked at Strawberry and back to me, but before she could speak, Strawberry came up with some new curses, so I set her spinning and put her a little lower to the ground so I could give Mary a hug. “I’ve missed you, Dreamsicle.”

Mary hugged me back, but I could feel that she was still looking at Strawberry. “Um, Max? Why are you levitating my receptionist? And why is she furious with you?”

“That buck-headed bucking stallion made me think bucking Death was coming for me!” Strawberry cried from her rotations. It was amusing to hear her voice sound closer and further away as she spun.

I looked back at her. “I’ll put you down if you forgive me.” I said cheekily.

“I’m going to beat you black and blue!” She threatened.

“I can leave you there all day, you know.” I said casually. “I don’t have to be around to stick a ‘Levitation’ Seal on you.”

Strawberry let loose another string of curses, so I held up a finger to Mary and stopped Strawberry long enough to lick her face all over. She just continued to glare at me. Keep in mind she’d been wringing my neck the entire time, but I could go a full three minutes without breathing and it’s not like she was exactly in the habit of trying to choke someone to death anyway. Still, when I let go of her, she went back to hitting me, so I just started sticking tiny Seals on her clothes until I’d gotten everything that was visible and let my Telekinesis fade. Strawberry was still in the air, so I got behind her, avoided looking up her skirt, and grabbed one of her hooves so I could set her spinning at a speed that would make anyone dizzier than a drunk freshman at their first party. Mary came over and tried to stop her, but I set her floating too and waited until Strawberry started getting a little green around the gills and set her going in the opposite direction at a slower speed to make it suck a little less for her. She stopped cursing and started groaning, so I stopped her completely and gave her a kiss on the cheek before towing Mary to her office while she was still floating.

What? I was feeling particularly whimsical! It’s not like I was going to let the woman be ill or anything, so don’t you judge me!

When I got Mary to her office, she was giving me a very womanly look. “Maximus, I swear, if you don’t go back downstairs and put Strawberry Petal down, I will have you arrested for Misdemeanor Prankery!”

I kissed her nose. “Love, you can’t arrest me.”

She glared at me. “I’ll have you know that as Mayor of this town, I can have you arrested since you’re no longer a Baron. I’m sorry if I’m the one giving you this news,” Way ahead of you there, “but you can’t just go around messing with everypony like you used to!”

I smiled at her. “How are you going to have me arrested if I just shut you and Strawberry in one of the unused rooms up here? No one’s going to think of looking for you until I’m out of town anyways.”

Mary paled. “Y-You wouldn’t do that to us… Would you?”

I frowned and put a hand on her shoulder. “Would you really have me arrested? Be honest, now, I can tell if you’re lying.”

Mary pursed her lips and regained some steel in her eyes. “I would if you don’t go downstairs and let Strawberry down. What you’re doing is just mean spirited at this point.”

I rolled my eyes. “It took you eight minutes to hear that Strawberry was beating me with a book and cursing my name to high Heaven. I just let her hit me, Mary. We both know I could’ve put a stop to it sooner if I really wanted to, and I could’ve been far meaner than just spinning her around for a few seconds.”

“What’s gotten into you, Max? It’s been two years since you’ve seen us and this is how you’re starting the reunion?” She said, using motherly guilt to strike me in the heart.

“Don't take that tone with me! You know it’s not fair!” I gave her a look.

Mary just looked at me with saddened eyes, so I sighed and let her down. “Thank you.” She said softly.

“I guess I got carried away… I am glad to see you, Mary, both of you. I don’t really have an excuse-” I said.

Mary slapped my shit. “I’m still mad at you for torturing Strawberry!”

“...I’ll go remove the Seals. Stand still for a moment, yeah?”

She looked at me like I was crazy until I jumped into her shadow. I rose under Strawberry and ducked so I wouldn’t headbutt her stomach, and when she saw me, she just groaned some more. “Alright, Strawberry. I think I’ve had my fun.”

“You call this fun?” She asked miserably.

I waved my hand and the Seals started disappearing until she had two hooves on the floor. “I really am sorry. I was just trying to scare you a little in the first place, and the spinning really wasn’t necessary.”

Strawberry hit me weakly. “You’re despicable.”

“...Yeah. Let’s get to Mary’s office so we can talk, okay?” I said softly.

She just groaned again, so I scooped her up off of her hooves and carried her up the stairs since it was obvious that she wasn’t walking anywhere. I hadn't thought about it in the moment, but I’d really put her through the ringer for no real reason, and that made me feel like a shittier person that I usually was, so I figured the least I could do was get her off of her standing sticks for a little bit. Mary met us at the stairs, and when she saw me carrying Strawberry, she asked if she was okay. Strawberry gave an affirmative and suddenly hit me in the Adam’s Apple, but Luna had hit me there multiple times, so I wasn’t terribly phased by it. Mary had flinched and asked if I was okay. My response was a little garbled, but it was still a yes, so she lead us into her office and let Strawberry have her chair.

Once we were settled and Mary was giving me a disapproving look, she said, “Really now, Maximus. Why shouldn’t I have the authorities get involved?”

I pursed my lips and looked away. “Well, for one, they can’t really do anything.”

She huffed. “You act like they haven’t had to deal with Unicorns before, Max. You can’t just teleport out of a cell.”

“I don’t teleport and they can’t arrest me, Mary.” I replied, shuffling my feet.

“You’re. Not. A. Baron. Max, you don’t have diplomatic immunity anymore!” Mary said angrily. “Even if you did, would you really abuse it like that?”

I met her gaze. “Of course I wouldn’t, Mary. I know I’m not a Baron, but Twilight’s still my girlfriend-”

“And I fully plan on telling her what you’ve done today, you can count on that!” She huffed.

I gave her a look. “You’re going to fucking tell on me? That’s actually kinda cute.” I chuckled.

Mary marched over stuck a finger in my face. “If you think I won’t, then you have another thing coming!”

I held my hands up. “Calm down, Mary. I’ve sincerely apologized-”

“Do you think that makes up for it! Max, I can’t believe you would just mess with ponies to this extent!”

I gave her a look paired with a disarming smile. “Come on, love, I’ve done worse.”

“Have you really?” She asked firmly.

“Yeah, Twilight will tell you that. There was the time where I made her think she was dead because I had Spike help me ignore her for a couple hours and talked about how much we missed her. You could ask Rainbow about the time I put glitter in her feathers and made her sparkle for a week. You should really ask Rarity about the time I reorganized her shop three days in a row. That was fucking golden.” I chuckled.

Mary kept glaring at me. “While you reminisce about being awful, I’ll be getting in touch with Twilight and the police.”

“Only one of those is going to be able to do anything, Mary. Please don’t bother the constables over something that no one got hurt over.” I requested.

Strawberry stirred and propped her head up. “Mary, don’t call the police. It’s not like he meant any harm.”

Mary set her jaw. “...Fine, but Twilight is still going to hear about this.”

I sighed. “She’s busy at the moment, but if you really want to take time out her schedule to make her deal with petty nonsense…”

The older woman stuck her finger in my face again. “Don’t you try to weasel your way out of any recourse! One way or another, Twilight is going to be here to deal with you!”

I rolled my eyes and grasped my necklace. “Twilight, Cherry, come here a mo’, will you?” I murmured.

Mary looked at me funny. “What are you doing?”

“Calling Twilight. She should be here when she’s finished with whatever she’s doing.” I said, walking over to sit on Mary’s desk. “How are you feeling, Strawberry?”

“Better. Please stop messing with me, okay?” She asked.

“I’ll keep it to whoopie cushion levels.” I promised.

“That’s all I’m asking.” She sighed. “Twilight stopped by and told us that you were going to be gone for awhile when you first left, you know.”

“Sorry you two didn’t get personal notes, but I was pressed for time before I left.”

“It’s fine. How’ve you been the past two years? Or can you even talk about it, Mr. Operative?” Strawberry asked, blinking slowly, not expecting a real answer.

“Well, for starters, I was only gone for a month in my time.” I said drily.

“So that’s why you still feel like you’re the same age.” Strawberry said, raising her brows. “Huh.”

“Yup. Kinda broke time and space. Lemme tell you that stor-” I started.

Twilight teleported in next to me. “Amour? Is everything okay?”

Mary marched up to her. “Your stallion just pulled the meanest prank on Strawberry and spun her around like a top! I still have half a mind to contact the authorities!”

Twilight looked at her and turned to me. She whacked me in the chest rather hard before turning back to Mary. “I’m sure he didn’t mean any harm. You know how Max can be when he’s having one of those days, after all.”

While I was rubbing my chest, Mary put her hands on her hips. “Twilight, you’re a reasonable mare. Maybe you can explain to me why I shouldn’t be pressing charges on Strawberry’s behalf.”

Twilight turned to me and asked, “You didn’t tell her, did you?”

I shrugged. “I’m not exactly the kinda guy to go flaunting it like Blueballs would. I tried telling her that the rozzers wouldn’t do anything.”

Twilight hit me again, but softer this time. “At least you’re a humble butthead.” She turned to face the Mayor. “Look, Mary. I’m the highest authority around here, right?”

Mary looked disheartened. “You wouldn’t just let him off the hook because he’s your coltfriend, would you? Twilight…”

Twilight put a hand to her heart. “No Mary, that’s not what I’m saying, but I am saying that Max is my fiance now, just so you know.” Mary appeared to be surprised by this news. “My point is that while Max shouldn’t have done something so stupid, he doesn’t deserve to be punished over it. You remember when Pinkie accidentally flooded the town, right?”

“That was an accident, Twilight-” Mary started.

“But there was actual damage done then.” My fiance reasoned. “What did Max even do?” She asked Strawberry.

My unfortunate victim sat up a bit straighter. “Well, I was sitting at my desk working on some returns when this foreboding feeling came over me. Next, the room started getting darker and all this smoke started pouring in from the hall, but the worst part was when I could feel this… Thing, behind me. I know it was Max now, but when he put his hands on my arms, I thought Death itself was coming to take me, and when he started turning my head towards him, I thought I was going to see the end, but it turned out to be him. The bad feeling and the smoke went away and Max licked my cheek.”

Twilight gave me a baleful look. “Seriously?”

I scratched my head. “I thought it was some good shit as far as pranks go.”

Twilight just rolled her eyes and huffed. “Right. So was there something else?”

Strawberry glared at me. “Yeah! When Mary came to see what was going on-”

“Strawberry was hitting me with this brick of a book and swearing like Briar.” I explained.

The receptionist blushed. “Anyway, so Mary came to see what was going on and Max took the book from me and levitated me before spinning me around so he could give Mary a hug.”

Mary made a disapproving noise. “While Strawberry broke into another bout of swearing, Max went over to lick her face.”

“Strawberry choked me the entire time.” I chuckled.

“Hold up, I beg your pardon?” Twilight asked, the room falling dead silent.
‘

I patted her back. “Don't worry about it. Strawberry can’t strangle worth a damn anyway.”

Twilight glared at Strawberry. “Do it again and I’ll teleport you into the Everfree.” She said icily.

Strawberry looked at Mary’s desk. I glanced over at Mary herself. “See? It’s real easy to forget that you both retaliated. That’s the real reason I didn’t want the authorities involved: the truth of the matter is that you both did some assault yourselves.”

Twilight held up a hand. “So what else happened?”

I answered. “I spun Strawberry around for awhile until she started looking a bit green, then I spun her the other way so she wouldn’t actually be ill. Some time during that, I levitated Mary and stuck a bunch of Seals on Strawberry’s clothes to keep her in the air for awhile so I could go and talk to Mary in her office.”

“...Is that it?” Twilight asked.

“Yup.” I nodded.

“You’ve done so much worse.” She shook her head.

“That’s what I said!”

Mary looked between the two of us. “...Nothing else is going to happen to him.”

Twilight looked at her. “What do you want to happen, Mary? He didn’t cause any lasting harm, and all he did was scare and annoy Strawberry. It wasn’t malicious, nopony got hurt, and this wouldn’t even be considered Misdemeanor Prankery. I mean, even if you had a case here, Max is a Prince! He isn’t going to be arrested!”

Mary blinked. “Max is a Prince?”

Twilight tilted her head. “Didn’t you hear about the coronation? That was for Max.”

“Oh…”

Twilight sighed and teleported me back to my house, so I kicked off my boots and stretched out on my couch. During my nap, something poked me in the stomach, so I sat up and looked at my fiance, but she pushed me back down and napped along with me, which was nice. We woke up sometime around nightfall and Twilight made me start writing this out, but I think this is good enough. It’s not like much happened, so meh. Tomorrow I think I’ll ask Twilight if she wants to go see the Matron or something. After all, what’s two years to the eternal?

Author's Notes:

So I made a blog post that has Max’s Seal in it. If you want to see it, check it out. I could always hyperlink it here, but I already fucking did something about it, so make a couple of clicks if you’re not a lazy fuck. It most likely won’t even require scrolling.

As Always, Get Spun For Fun

Stay Cool, Kids