Sleep eluded me for most of the night, but I did manage to catch an hour’s rest, so I wasn’t completely fucked or anything. Spike was happy to let me cook breakfast since it’s basically the only meal I know how to make, and when I got everything plated, Twilight finally clomped down the stairs, half-dressed to impress. I was a fan of the light blue knickers her half-buttoned blouse didn’t cover, and I was also pleased by the amount of cleavage she was showing, though I doubted that she was more than a C-cup. I didn’t exactly stare at her before she sat down, but I did give myself a few seconds to record the memory for later use.

Breakfast was nice and Twilight was barely even there for most of it, but when I got her a cup of my special version of a cuppa Joe, she perked up immediately before making a face. My Pitch Black Death was triple brewed and was potent enough to stir the dead into a conga line, Now, I wasn’t really expecting Twilight to get past the first couple of sips, and she proved me right by pouring spoonful after spoonful of sugar into her coffee before sipping it again. I just gave her an amused look and sipped the bitter brew casually since my own coffee pot in the old church had seen its fair share of use.

Twilight tried it one last time and asked, “I’m sorry, Max, but are you trying to kill me?”

I chuckled at her as she levitated her mug over to me, her horn glowing as she passed it. The sight was odd to say the least, but when I took the mug from Twilight, I said, “Sorry about that, but I like my coffee like I like my women; strong, warm, and bitter enough to make the dead roll in their graves.”

Twilight reclaimed her mug after I finished marrying our coffees so she cold water it down a bit. “If you’re looking for bitter mares, I don’t think you’re in the right place.” She giggled, heading over to the sink.

I had myself a little looksee at Twilight’s surprisingly shapely rear, though I didn’t let m gaze longer for more than a couple seconds, just like last time. I returned to my food only to hear Twilight gasp and cry, “Oh-my-gosh-not-again!” before there was a little popping noise.

When I looked at where Twilight had been, no one was there and Spike was sniggering his tail off. We finished up with breakfast and I helped Spike clean up before I decided to make use of the fact that I was in a library. I grabbed a few bestiaries and an herbiary or two so I could familiarize myself with some of the flora and fauna that were coming around. I skimmed through the bestiary had ended up settling on the Everfree and similar forbidden forest general compilation. Shit was crazy, man. Everything from an Aye-Aye to a Zdenek was included, though how a demon managed to get into a forest nearby one of the most colourful, cheeriest places, I’ll never know.

When I was through with the bestiary and was moving onto the herbiary, two people came into the library and one of them was awfully familiar. Rainbow Dash struck up a bad fighting stance while her bright pink, meter and a third tall friend bounced up to me in the most literal of senses. I wondered why Rainbow was hanging out with someone who couldn't have been much more than fourteen, but the one with the multicolored mane came over and frowned at me. I rose and extended a and to her, my face flat.

“We got off on the wrong foot, or rather, the wrong hoof. How about we let the little shit go and try not to choke each other? Wipe the slate clean.” I gave her my olive branch.

She shook my hand and nodded. “It never hurts to just let stuff go, I guess... I’m gonna keep that knife though.”

“Wasn’t really expecting to get it back anyway, so more power to you.” I answered, looking at the overly pink girl who was bouncing in place. I tried to shake her hand too, but when she looked me in the eye, she gasped and dashed off like a pink blur. “... Okay.”

“Ah, don’t worry about that, dude. It’s just Pinkie being Pinkie.” Rainbow assured me. “If you’re lucky, she’ll do something nice for you.”

I scratched my head. “Here’s hoping that I’m not lucky.”

Rainbow Runt gave me a weird look. “Why wouldn't you want someone to do something nice for you? It’s not like most ponies around here would ask for anything back.”

“... Is… Are you guys just not skeptical or something? Like, I assume that Twilight did some kind of magic to make sure I wouldn't mess anything up, and I know Applejack doesn’t trust me, so what’s the deal?” I asked, confused.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, dude. Ponies around here are just app to help most days.”

“... That’s weird. You’re weird. This town is weird.”

“Nopony’s going to tell you any different.” Rainbow deadpanned. “I gotta find a book though, so have fun soaking in the weirdness.”

While I was being surprised that Rainbow could actually read, I heard Twilight coming down the stairs from the second floor and went back to reading as casually as I could considering I was on a different planet and the language was hard to make out. I ended up taking Twilight aside so she could help me make a cheat sheet of sorts for the Equestrian Alphabet. She was surprised to learn that I had a decent idea of what was going on in most forms of decent penmanship and a few particularly bad ones, but as we spent time converting Latin to Equestrian, there was a knock on the front door and Twilight had to leave me to my own devices. I heard her greet someone before tuning them both out to continue with my studies, but then Twilight came back with a white woman who had a violet mane. I thought the new pony was pretty damned beautiful in the classic sense, but she applied way too much makeup for me to be interested.

“Max, this is Rarity, one of my best friends and the mare you were supposed to be hunting down.” Twilight said, giving me a little smile at the end.

I rose from my seat and offered her my hand. “It’s a pleasure, Miss Rarity. I do have something for you from a mutual friend, so let me grab it real quick, yeah?”

Rarity smiled at me and said, “Take your time, Max. I’m in no hurry.”

I gave her a nod and went upstairs to retrieve the crown Magnet had given her, returning to the scene to find Spike fawning over Rarity like the lovestruck preteen he was. “Stephen Magnet sends his regards.” I said, handing the crown over to her.

Rarity beamed and accepted it gratefully. “Oh, Stephen is such a sweetheart! I’ll have to find some way of paying him back for this lovely gift!”

My eye twitched a little when I heard more of Rarity’s uppercrust, affluent accent. I’d heard plenty that were similar to it in all the wrong ways, and most of those voices had been talking down to me, trying to cheat me, or asking me to stab one of their nearest and dearest in the back. I seized some spiteful words with my teeth and smiled, nodding once before I made to go back to my reading.

“Oh, Max, before you return to your studies, I’d just like you to feel free to stop by my boutique at any time.” She said cheerfully. “I’m sure we could find just the right look for you with a little time.”

I gave her a tight smile that made her beam. “Of course, I’ll have to stop by once I find a steady job-”

“Oh, posh! You’ve done me a favour so allow me to do you one in turn, darling! After all, you could have turned out to be a bad upon and kept the crown for yourself after all.”

Twilight blushed and coughed, so I gave her a funny look. “Are you choking on nonexistent irony, Twilight?”

“I-I mean, i-its just that… You know…”

“I do believe I’m missing something.” Rarity said.

I gave her a little smile. “You are. I told Twilight that I considered taking or crown for myself and she got all skittish about me doing just that. I’d still like to maintain that if I wanted to steal it, I wouldn't have said anything.”

Rarity gave me an odd look. “Why would you consider taking someone else’s gift? It wouldn’t serve you, would it?”

I furrowed my brow. “.... Does the concept of selling stolen goods not exist here?”

The moderately well-endowed aristocrat seemed perturbed by the idea. “Well, of course the concepti exists, but who in their right mind would actually practice it?” Guess who’s scratching out their entire past?

“Fair enough I suppose. If it eases or mind at all, I would only steal from someone who stole from me, but then I’d be taking back what they took in the first place.” I smirked fondly at the memory of my brother and I, stealing a piece of swag back and forth when we’d first met.

Twilight made an odd noise. “Uh, Max? Why are you smiling about stealing?”

“It just reminds me of my brother is all.” I replied, shaking my head. “I think I need to get out and about for a little bit. Either of you beautiful Pony-People got a little time to show an alien around town?”

Rarity gave me an odd look. “You have a brother? Where is he?”

I let her have a remorseful smile. “Gone for a few years now. How about that walk?”

Her face fell and she placed a hand on my arm. “Oh, I’m sorry darling, I-”

“Oi, it’s okay. Of course you’d be curious after I brought him up.” I patted her shoulder.

“We can go for that walk here in a moment if you’d like.” Twilight offered. “I just want to write one quick little letter and we’ll be ready to go.”

Spike stood around, staring creepily at Rarity wit literal hearts in his eyes like it was an ahegao hentai or some shit, so I kinda hoped that he’d opt to stay behind. Little dude was cool and all, but I was beginning to think that he was the type to sniff the brown patch on a pair of dirty knickers. Twilight got her letter written out, but she just tied it into a scroll and had a ‘Eureka!’ moment explode across her face for a moment and her realization turned into excitement.

“Max! How did your people communicate across long distances?” Twilight asked
Excitedly.

I gave her a little smile. “We had a lot of ways of doing it, to be honest with you. I know you ponies have radios, but my people had things called telephones that were similar to radios in the way that you could use it to hear someone from miles away. However, a phone would let you talk back and forth with multiple people from all over the world if you so chose, and there was a thing called the internet that basically held the majority of mankind’s information. Everything from how to build a fire to how to calculate the trajectory of a rocket you can send to the surface of the Moon; everything.”

Twilight blinked at me and held the scroll out to Spike. He blew a gout of fire at it and the shit blew me fuckin’ mind, m8. “That’s how we do our thing, I guess.” She said blankly.

I scratched my face. “You roast your mail?”

“... How do you send it?”

“We have a little device we usually use that stores pictures, messages, games; a bunch of stuff. I’d have to show you and let you get a little familiar with one so you could actually know what it’s for, but I’m not smart enough to make one, and I doubt Equestria is technologically advanced enough to make a decent one.”

“Wow…” Twilight and Rarity chorused.

I was about to respond when a golden flash of light materialized another letter, and when Twilight gave it a quick skim, she smiled and said that Rarity was free to take me around town, but that she had to stay to wait for an important visitor. I didn’t miss the jealousy in Spike’s eyes when Rarity hooked her arm through mine and suggested that we get a move on. We started with some parts of the town that I was familiar with, but then Rarity took me to a couple of restaurants and a bakery or three, naming Sugarcube Corner as the best place to get a decent breakfast on the go. I asked if the made egg and cheese scones, to which Rarity replied that they did, so I resolved to go get one tomorrow morning when I started the job hunt in earnest.

“So, Max, what’s your Cutie Mark?” Rarity asked casually as we strolled around town.

While she was holding onto me, I was trying to be distracted. She was squishy in all the right ways. “Cutie Mark? I don’t believe I know what that is.”

“Oh? Are you saying that you don’t have a special talent?” Rarity asked, surprised.

“I suppose you could call my special talent climbing. I’ve always been oddly good at it.” I said truthfully.

“... What purpose does climbing things serve? I mean, not to disparage your talents, but how do you know that you’re good at it?” She inquired, befuddled.

I gave her a sidelong glance. “Do Ponies not climb trees or something? I mean, I basically do parkour, but do you guys not have a reason to climb anything?”

“Ponies don’t do trees, darling.” Rarity huffed. “Trees are the bane of kites and frisbees everywhere since it’s hard for a Pony to get out of a tree safely.”

I tugged her a bit closer to me and she tittered for some odd reason. I wasn’t trying to charm her; I think she’s just kind of slutty. “Well trees and building happen to be my thing. If Twilight asks where I am, tell her that I climbed the Treebrary.

Rarity giggled. “What would you be hiding from up there, hm?”

“You, mostly.” I teased. “Do you know how warm you are?”

She patted my arm. “I don’t believe I hear you complaining.”

“I believe your boyfriend might sooner or later.”

Rarity scoffed. “Please. There aren’t exactly that many available stallions in Ponyville. I believe you’ll find that you have plenty of options here, should you choose to stay.”

I took a moment to consider that, and on a couple of levels, I was a little disturbed. I mean, what red-blooded nerd hasn’t at least thought about nailing a hot humanoid alien? I mean, the Ponies looked damn near Human save for the wings and horns that seemed to be rare among them, and other than the fur, ears, and hooves, they were almost Human. The thoght of sleeping with one seemed odd to say the least, but I wasn’t necessarily against it, per she. Now, I couldn’t really see myself sleeping with Rarity since she wasn’t really my type, but Applejack could get it if she wanted it. I knew Twilight probably wouldn’t be up for anything, but I wasn’t really attracted to her like that anyway. She was interesting in her own special way, but I couldn’t really put my finger on it. Rainbow was out of the running all together since she had a runner’s body, and I tend to like my ladies with a little something to hold onto. Speaking of women with something to hold onto, I wonder how Milky’s doing… Why am I drooling?

Anyway, Rarity showed me a few landmarks like the park, a few stores that sold general goods, a place to get personal hygiene products (She recommended more than a few brands for my hair after feeling it and grimacing), and when I asked, a place to get liquor. Rarity thought I wanted wine, which I wouldn't hesitate, it was just that I preferred bourbon because reasons. I don’t know why, I just always have. I offered to share a bottle of something white and dry wit her one day if she was up to it and I think she was just happy to have a drinking buddy who actually had a tongue for alcohol.

When we got back to Twilight’s, Rarity told me to tell the purple one that she was sorry for leaving without a proper goodbye, but I didn’t dig too deeply into it since it wasn’t my business. I didn’t knock when I entered, but I did call out, “Oi! Where’s the nearest living thing?”

I heard some giggling from the kitchen before Twilight said, “We’re in here, Max, and I have someone very special for you to meet!”

I was tempted to fuck off and not go into the kitchen, but then Twilight met me in the doorway and practically dragged me in anyways, so that plan was bollixed. She lead me into the kitchen by the wrist and stopped me in front of a tall, absolutely breathtaking woman that made my heart pound in my chest and my breathing hitch slightly on sight. Like Rarity, she was a stark white, but her coat seemed to be tinged with a warmth that Rarity’s lacked, and her endowments were far more substantial than the other woman’s. I could see just from the woman’s hips that she had more arse than a donkey farm and when I looked at her face, I couldn't help but be lovestruck. Her almond shaped, muted mauve eyes met my forest green ones and I didn’t doubt for a second that she knew that I was a low-down pick’n’pluck, but I also didn’t doubt that she wouldn’t judge me for being less than what I could be. I wanted her acceptance from the beginning, so I gave her a wide smile.

“Wow, if I were any more starstruck, you’d have to find me a place to lie down. My name’s Max; what’s yours, love?” I asked pleasantly.

Twilight elbowed me in the ribs and that shit hurt. “Max, this is my teacher, Princess Celestia.”

I gave Twilight a look. “It’s rude to answer someone’s questions when you weren’t asked, you know.”

Twilight glared at me for a second and shot Celestia a nervous smile. “I’m sure Max just doesn't have royalty where he’s from.”

Celestia smiled amusedly, but I answered before she could. “Yeah, we have royalty. What of it?”

Twilight stared at me. “Do you treat your Princesses like this?”

“... Uh, I think there’s like, two of them, and I’ve never met either. It’s not like they stopped by to see how I was doing.” I answered drily.

“But you know how to treat royalty, do you not!?” Twilight whispered fiercely.

“They get enough special treatment from people who aren’t me. Fuck all that bullshit.” I replied aloofly.

Twilight facepalmed pretty hard and Celestia let out a melodious chuckle. “It’s refreshing to see someone who cares so little about status and power after all my years. I can’t remember the last time a pony who wasn’t a King or an uppity noble dared swear around me.”

“If it bothers you, I’ll try not to do it so much, but it’s like, half of the language I speak.” I shrugged. “It is what it is, sugart-” I cut myself off before Twilight could actually kill me.

As it was, Twilight still rammed her elbow into my ribs. “You don’t give the Princess a petname!”

“What if she wants one? You know what, Twilight? Why don’t you let the sovereign ruler of your proud nation decide what she does and doesn’t like?” I asked irritably, rubbing my side and wincing.

Twilight colored and sputtered. “I-I wasn’t trying to-”

“Why don’t we sit down for tea and we can let the funny alien stop getting under your fur?” Celestia chuckled and gave me a wink.

I gave her one in turn. “I don’t know, I think I’d rather just get under Twilight’s skirt. Being under her fur would be terribly hot.”

The little librarian hit me and said, “Shush you pervert!”

I held my arm, grimacing. “Fuckin’ ow.”

Twilight folded her arms and huffed.. “You shouldn’t have said-”

I kicked the back of her knee and she dropped. “Oh sorry, you should’ve kept your hands to yourself.” I grumbled, checking out the nasty bruise that was already forming on my arm.”

“Oh my! How did Twilight manage that?” Celestia gasped, teleporting over to check my arm.

Twilight was already back on her hooves, looking at the bruise herself. “Oh… I forgot that you were frail compared to a Pony…”

Celestia laid a hand on me and healed the bruise with a spell, but my arm still kinda hurt. “There. You shouldn’t have any more problems.”

“Thanks, Celestia-” I started.

Twilight gasped. “Max! Would it kill you to show a little respect!?”

I looked at Celestia and blurted, “I love your eyes, but there are two bigger things that I
love. I’m torn.”

The Princess blushed lightly and gave me a little smile. “Few stallions would presume to flirt with one of the co-rulers of Equestria.”

“Few ‘stallions’ have the stones to do it.” I scoffed. “Just think; if I’m brave enough to risk being arrested for treason, what other interesting things might I do?”

Celestia’s eyes flickered to Twilight for the briefest of moments. “I’m not sure if I should ask you to elaborate of that, so I’ll just leave it where it lies. Tell me, what’s the ruler of your country like, Max?”

“She’s an old bat who’s seen more bullshit in Parliament than your average farmer.” I replied drily. “Seriously; she’s gotta be a hundred years old by now.”

“And you consider that old?” Celestia asked amusedly, a truth in her eyes that I wanted
to hear.

“What would you consider old?” I inquired in turn.

Celestia just smiled and folded her arms, making my attention dip for a second. “Why, It would have to be at least three thousand years before I considered someone old.”

I chuckled. “Cute. Next thing you’re going to tell me is that you’re pushing four ‘K’ and that Rainbow Dash is older than me.”

The Princess just smiled.

“Um, Max? Rainbow’s the oldest out of my friends, and Celestia’s ruled Equestria for nearly four thousand years.” Twilight informed.

I grinned at Celestia. “What made Twilight special enough for you to teach her with your thousands of years of wisdom?” I asked, not buying it for a second.

The white Pony gave me an odd look. “That’s a strange question given the prior subject matter, but I suppose it would have had to have been Twilight’s aptitude for magic.”

“If I tell you that I have an aptitude for oral, will you teach me?” I asked bravely.

The direct request went clear over Twilight’s head, but Celestia heard it for what it was and coloured, clearing her throat. “I don’t believe I know what you’re talking about, but I could be persuaded to tutor you in a subject or two if you were interested.”

Twilight gave me a dirty look and I gave her a smile. “Don’t be jealous, Twilight. Green isn’t your color.”

“You can read auras?” Twilight asked skeptically.

I blinked. “... I shouldn’t be surprised that it’s a thing here, but no. I can read body language though.”

“Body language?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah. Things like microexpressions, nervous tics, open gestures, tonal shifts; you name it, I can get a vibe off of it. It’s how I know that Celestia’s less likely to slap me for giving her an honest compliment than you are.” I replied.

“Why would I hit you for a compliment?”

“Your tail looks so soft and caressable. Is it odd if I ask to touch it?” I asked, fully expecting her to say yes.

Twilight tilted her head at me. “I wouldn’t mind as long as you didn’t pull it.”

I grabbed her arse and threw myself backwards when she tried to slap me. “That wasn’t my tail!”

“That’s what it’s called on a Human!” I argued, biting back a smile.

“You’re so full of it!” Twilight huffed.

Celestia was trying not to giggle. “I’m sure it was just a cultural difference, Twilight.”

“Yeah! I explicitly asked for your permission and you said don’t pull! I didn’t pull, did I?” I challenged.

Twilight pointed a judicious finger at me. “Keep your hands to yourself, Mister!”

I raised my hands in defeat. “I’m sorry for being a weird alien, Twilight. I’ll try to pick up
on Equestrian no-nos faster.”

She crossed her arms and glared at me, still blushing lightly. “You’d better.”

“Now Twilight, I’m sure that Max is just adjusting to a new environment as best he can. It’s not like he’s trying to upset you, right Max?” Celestia asked, giving me an out.

I nodded. “I’d only purposefully try to upset you if you gave me a good reason to.”

Twilight huffed, but she seemed to cool down when Celestia suggested we go have the tea that had probably gotten cold over the course of our little introduction. Twilight sat between Celestia and I while the conversation was going, and every time my eyes wandered away from Celestia’s face for more than a second, Twilight made sure I felt her wrath under the table until I kicked her back. May I reiterate that I wear steel toes? She quit her shit when I got her back and her face told me that I’d gotten her a little too good, so I asked Celestia if I could have a word alone with her. The Princess didn’t seem to pick up on why, but that might have just been wishful thinking.

When she was out of the room, Twilight let out a little whimper. “Ow…”

“I’d apologize, but you kicked me just as hard.” I reminded.

“Yes, but I’m more sensitive than you!” Twilight whispered pitifully.

I gave her a deadpan look before rolling up the leg of my trousers to show her the damage she’d done. “You’ve been doing a number on me, love. Shit hurts.”

“... I’m sorry.” Twilight murmured before rubbing her own leg.

“Apology not accepted. I want a hug after Celestia leaves.” I demanded playfully.

She gave me a worried look. “You’re gonna grope me!”

“I’m not going to grope you, I promise.” I gave her a warm smile.

Her cheeks pinked slightly. “... Pinkie Promise?”

I offered her my pinkie and she hooked it. “Pinkie Promise, Purps. Now stop hitting me so I don’t have to hit you back.”

“Stop being a pervert so I don’t have to hit you!” She protested.

I booped her and she scrunched her face up. “I’ll try to hold back, but you yourself don’t make it very easy. I tried not to look this morning, but…” I scratched my face and looked off into the distance.

Twilight cleared her throat. “Er… I usually don’t have company over for breakfast.”

I looked back at her to see her blushing and looking at her lap. “If it makes you feel any better, the half-dressed and half-awake look makes you seem even cuter than usual.” Her face went back to that bright cherry red and I couldn’t help myself, so I gave her a peck on the cheek. “I’m going to grab Celestia unless there’s something you want to talk about?”

“N-No, I’m okay…” Twilight rubbed her cheeks and tried to quell the minute smile she was wearing.

I couldn’t help but feel like I’d gotten into her head a little with my words, but I’d made my attraction to Celestia far more obvious. Rarity telling me that there wasn’t much game in town for the ladies struck me as a little odd, but I didn’t know what all that was supposed to mean. So far, I’d had Rarity cling to me like glue, Celestia had been responsive, if not a little hesitant with her reactions, and Twilight was extremely tender and bashful, but it seemed as though the spark was there. The odds were stacking up higher and higher that I was going to get a piece of Pony before a month passed, but I wasn’t sure if I was necessarily down for it.

After retrieving Celestia, we finished up a conversation about getting me Equestrian citizenship, and Celestia broke some very hard news to me. Her sister, Luna, had spent a thousand years searching the stars for other planets with life, but had found none, and that her mages just weren’t advanced enough for reliable extra-dimensional travel, let alone extra-planetary exploration on a larger scale that Luna had already done. It was rough news to hear since there was basically no way I was getting back to my home world, but I bit the bullet and smiled through it, even though I just wanted to lie down for awhile. I know Celestia saw through the sham and offered me an out by asking if I’d like a drink. I agreed without a second thought and that was my first mistake. My second mistake was telling Celestia that I was fond of just about anything, so she brought out a liqueur that was far too sweet to be enjoyable, though Twilight loved it. I didn’t realize how strong it was due to how sweet it was, and two glasses later I was feeling some type of good.

I sent myself off to bed before I could make a fool of myself and had a few glasses of water once I figured out how to properly fill a cup again. Apparently alcohol is more potent here on Equus, but I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. It definitely means that I’ll have to keep my wits about me, but it’s not like I was the only one who was a little drunk by their second glass. Twilight was smiley and awfully talkative while Celestia just amused by us. I tried not to hit on both of them for the short time it took me to realize that I was already buzzing, but I mostly got giggles from Celestia and nervous little smiles from Twilight before we called it a night.

It’s been rather difficult to get this written out since, you know, drinking, but it’s not all bad. I’m sobering up a bit, but I swear I keep hearing someone outside of my borrowed room every now and again. It hasn’t really been enough to comment on, but I think I’m just being paranoid anyway.

Fuck it. It’s nap time.